Lay, Gary Lay... Lay

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Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 5:29 am

Short and kind of silly. Not much going on, as I think I scared Gary off, but maybe it will prove amusing or someone will take up the Gary gauntlet and get more out of him. Since I was provided with Gary's address by someone else, I don't have the opening letter. All he asked for, though, was a phone number, so I email him at [email protected] and give him this. To make things even more insane, he seems to be running scams from he same mailbox and using the name "Frank", as well!

Quote:

You can call or fax me at 206-666-3170.

Hannah

Gary experiences the usual gender confusion of lads and makes the usual assumption that people always have a mobile grafted to their head, 24/7.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Thanks for your mail, Sir I have try to call you on the telephone number you send to me, But I couldn�t get through,Please kindly send me your Mobile phone number/Fax,Or you can call me any time on my private telephone number +27-833324673,Because I will like speak with you over the phone for us to get accustomed to each other.

Moreover, always maintain the confidentiality involve, you interest will be highly protected. Feel-free to ask any questions you might consider necessary for the positive progress of this transaction

Your urgent reply is highly needed
Thanks
Best Regards

Gary

Even more annoying, the whole thing is needlessly in bold.

Soon after, I get this.

Quote:

Dear Friend,

Are you willing to assist my Family and me in this hitch free business transaction? If you want please get back to me immediately you receive this mail.

Thanks

Regards

Frank

Ooookayyyy. Keep in mind, I really have no idea what he's on about in the first place, but that's never stopped me, before.

Quote:

Well, I think so, but you have to explain to me exactly what I need to do, and
please explain why your email calls you "Gary Lay", but you keep signing your
emails Frank.

Hannah Jackson

My stars, I get the all caps and bolded rambling lad paragraphs from Hell.

Quote:

ATTEN;HANNAH,

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL.I HAVE HEARD WHAT YOU SAID,ACODINTO MY ASISSTING BANKER SHE SAID THAT DOMESTIC ACCOUNT HAVE TO BE OPEN FOR THIS TRANSFER OF THIS VOLUME, DOMESTIC BANKING REGULATIONS REQUIRES THAT A �NON-RESIDENT ACCOUNT� SHOULD BE OPENED IN ANY OF THE COMMERCIAL BANKS HERE IN DURBAN,R.S.A. WHILE BECAUSE THE PERMIT ISSUED TO ME DID NOT PERMIT ME TO OPERATE ANY BANK ACCOUNT NEITHER SHOULD I SECURE ANY GAINFUL EMPLOYMENTS. THE TRANSFER WILL HOWEVER REQUIRE THAT YOU WILL BE IN DURBAN-SOUTH AFRICA FOR TWO (2) BANKING WORKING DAYS FOR THE ACCOUNT OPENING IN YOUR NAME.(4) FOREIGN ACCOUNT(S): IT IS EXPECTED OF THE FOREIGN PARTNER TO PROVIDE FOREIGN ACCOUNT(S)WHERE THE FUND WILL BE REMITTED.THIS MEANS THAT THE TOTAL FUND WILL BE PAID INTO THE ACCOUNT YOU WILL OPEN IN DURBAN BUT ACTUAL TRANSFER WILL BE DONE BIT BY-BIT. NB: FEEL FREE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU CONSIDER NECESSARY FOR THE POSITIVE PROGRESS OF THIS TRANSACTION. AS SOON AS YOU DECLARE YOUR INTEREST TO ASSIST ME, WE CAN PROCEED YOUR EARLY PRESENT MATTERS ALOT,IF YOU CAN BE ABLE TO BE IN DURBAN BY NEXT WEEK FINE AND GOOD.AFTER THE ACCOUNT OPENING THE WHOLE MONEY WILL BE DEPOSITED IN YOUR ACCOUNT THEN YOU WILL START TRANSFERING THEM BIT-BY-BIT TO YOUR ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY.

THERE IS SOMETHING VERY NECESSARY I THINK YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT THIS
BUSINESS.DON'T THINK THAT I AM TOO HARD ON YOU BUT I WANT TO BE SINCERE TO YOU BECAUSE THIS BUSINESS HINGS ON TRUST AND COMMITMENT FROM BOTH PARTIES. IF YOU WILL AGREE WITH ME,MY PURPOSE OF OFFERING YOU THE 25%IS
BECAUSE OF YOUR EXPECTED COMMITMENT INCLUDING YOUR TIME,IDEAS AND LITTLE FINANCIAL EXPENCES WHERE NECESSARY LIKE IN THIS CASE YOU ARE PAYING YOUR AIR TICKET TO MEET ME IN DUBAN-SOUTH AFRICA SECONDLY,I AM NOT BE ABLE TO SEND ANY MONEY TO YOU FOR NOW,BECAUSE AS SOON AS YOU CONFIRMED COMING DOWN TO DURBAN-SOUTH AFRICA,I WILL APPLY FOR THE DRUG FREE,TERRORIST AND FUND CLEARANCE CERTIFICATES IN YOUR NAME,IN ORDER TO LEGALIZE THE FUND AND MAKE IT ACCEPTABLE TO ANY OF THE BANKS IN THE WORLD AND THE PROCUMENTS OF THIS SAID DOCUMENTS IS GOING TO COST ME NOT LESS THAN $50.000 SAID BY THE ASSISTING BANKER ON TILL I BRING OUT THE CONSIGMENT CONTAINING THE MONEY WHICH IS PRESENTLY IN THE SECURITY COMPANY FOR SAFETY REASONS AND I CANNOT AFFORD TO GO AND TAKE OUT ANY MONEY OUT FROM THE BOX BECAUSE AS YOU MIGHT KNOW THAT THE ACUTAL CONTENT WAS NOT DISCLOSE TO THE SECURITY COMPANY OFFICIALS INTIALLY WHEN IT WAS DEPOSITED WITH THEM.AT THE MOMENT EVERY EXPENCES REGARDING YOUR AIR TICKET WILL BE TAKING CARE BY YOU SIDE BUT I PROMISE TO PAY YOU BACK ON YOUR ARRIVAL IN SOUTH AFRICA.
I AM WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY.

MEANWHILE MY FULL NAME IS ( GARY FRANK LAY )YOU CAN CONTACT ME WITH MY PRIVATE TELEPHONE NUMBER +27-833324673
THANKS & GOD BLESS YOU

BEST REGARDS

GARY FRANK LAY

It boils down to "Blah, blah, blah, I have no idea what I'm saying, blah, blah, oops, better lie and say that's my middle name, aren't I clever?"

I reply to the first mail.

Quote:

>
> Dear Hannah,
>
> Thanks for your mail, Sir

I'm a "Madam", actually. My name is Miss Hannah Jackson.

>I have try to call you on the telephone number you send to me, But I
>couldn�t get through,Please kindly send me your Mobile phone number/Fax,

That is my mobile number. You can fax me at 206-666-3170.

>Or you can call me any time on my private telephone number
>+27-833324673,Because I will like speak with you over the phone for us to
>get accustomed to each other.
>

I tried dialing your number, but I keep getting a busy signal. I'll try again
later.

Hannah Jackson

All caps reply, but, hey, at least it ain't bolded.

Quote:

ATTEN:MADAM,

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL, I AM VERY SORRY FOR MY MISTAKE CALLING YOU SIR, WHEN DO YOU CALL ME? PLEASE TRY AGAIN,OR GIVE ME YOUR CALLECT MOBILE NUMBER WITH YOUR CODE NUMBER IN YOUR COUNTRY SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU.

MOREOVER ARE YOU COMING DOWN FOR THE OPENING OF THE NON-RESIDENT BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR NAME AS I TOLD YOU BEFORE? LET ME KNOW SO THAT I WILL START PROSESING SOME OF THE LAGEL DOCUMENT IN YOUR NAME LIKE DRUG/MONEY LOUNDRY CERTIFICATE, SO THAT IT WILL BE EASY FOR THE TRANSFER.

THANKS

BEST REGARDS

GARY

Call me, come to SA. Eager, isn't he? I especially like the "Loundry" certificate.

Not so fast, Gary, I'm harder to catch than that. Give me something to work with. Some good faith effort.

Quote:

>
> ATTEN:MADAM,
>
> THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL, I AM VERY SORRY FOR MY MISTAKE CALLING YOU SIR, WHEN
DO YOU CALL ME?

During regular business times in your part of the world, if my math on the
time zones are correct.

>PLEASE TRY AGAIN,OR GIVE ME YOUR CALLECT MOBILE NUMBER WITH YOUR CODE NUMBER
IN YOUR COUNTRY SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU.
>

I'll give it another try later. But if you want my mobile number, it's
206-343-0011.
>
>
> MOREOVER ARE YOU COMING DOWN FOR THE OPENING OF THE NON-RESIDENT BANK
ACCOUNT IN YOUR NAME AS I TOLD YOU BEFORE? LET ME KNOW SO THAT I WILL START
PROSESING SOME OF THE LAGEL DOCUMENT IN YOUR NAME LIKE DRUG/MONEY LOUNDRY
CERTIFICATE, SO THAT IT WILL BE EASY FOR THE TRANSFER.
>
> THANKS
>
> BEST REGARDS
>
>
> GARY
>

If you'll give me copies of examples of the legal documents necessary, I can
consult my attorney and we can go forward.

Hannah Jackson

An attachment or two. Something, Gary. Give me something.

I want to slow him down a tad, just in case I can set up a meeting with the nice SA police force...but he's all about getting me on a plane yesterday.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Thanks for your mail; I will send certificate of deposit to you by tomorrow, which the security company gave to my late father the day of deposit. So I will need your fax number to enable me send the document to you by Fax, after sending you the certificate of deposit, are you coming down here for the non-resident bank account opening in your name or not?.

Thanks

Best regards

Gary

Suddenly, he realizes he doesn't know where to fax me!

Quote:

Dear Hannah,
I am still waiting for your Fax number to enable me send the certificate of deposit document to you.
Thanks
Best regards

Gary

Fine, I oblige.

Quote:

>
> Dear Hannah,
>
>
>
> Thanks for your mail; I will send certificate of deposit to you by tomorrow,
which the security company gave to my late father the day of deposit. So I
will need your fax number to enable me send the document to you by Fax,

206-666-3170

>after sending you the certificate of deposit, are you coming down here >for
the non-resident bank account opening in your name or not?.

I suppose so. Didn't you say that was the only way? Or is there some other
option?

Hannah

Apparently, though, he can't work out how to fax to the number, as he soon sends this.

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Hope all is well on yourside, i have tried on many attempts but to on avail on your fax line thus alternatively i have scanned and sent the relevant document to you via email which is attached.

Hope to hear from your kind self.

Thanking you kindly

Gary Lay

Again, because he's really rushing along faster than I would like, I try to slow him and make him more compliant. I lay down a fiat.

Quote:

My heavens, you really are proving to be a blithering incompetent, aren't you?
You can't operate a phone properly, you can't use a fax, you've sent me
repetitious emails that say loads of nothing about this same deal, and for the
LAST DAMNED TIME I AM NOT A SIR! IF YOU CAN'T KEEP THAT STRAIGHT, THEN FORGET
THIS BUSINESS!

Hannah Jackson

Well, I guess ole Gary couldn't keep it straight, because he never emailed after that, fading away like... a thing that fades away. As I was rather awash in lads at the time, I didn't bother poking him any more. He didn't seem all that interesting. He wasn't that resilient. I like my lads who can take a tongue lashing and come back for more.

Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 7:42 am

Time to start sending him Goat Pr0n

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:12 am

I haven't the heart. Because of the goats, mind you.