I Love Taint!

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Guest

Alright ladies and gentlemen, I've done a lot of reading here and now it's my turn to contribute. I've learned a lot and I must say, damn it this is fun. I got a picture out of my first Mugu holding up an 'embarassing' sign. By the way, if you don't know what "taint" is, you can find that <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=taint">here.</a> You'll have to forgive me, like I said, I'm new at this. I'm trying to clean up my posts so they're a little more legible. My posts are blue, his are red. So, here goes the story. (enter Mr. Douglas Nelson)

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am MR Douglas Nelson, an accountant with FIDELITY TRUST BANK NIGERIA
PLC,I am the personel account manager of Late Engr M.Harrison, a native
of your nationality who used to work with Handbull Development Company
here in Nigeria. On the 21st April 2001, our customer, his wife and
their three children were involved in a car accident along sagbama
express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there
lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your country embassy
to locate any of his extended relatives, this has also proved to no
avail.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided over the Internet,
to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you to assist in
repartrating the money and property left behind by our customer before
they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by our bank(FIDELITY
TRUST BANK NIGERIA PLC) where he deposited the sum of US$12.2Million
(twelve million two hundred thousand U.S.Dollars only). The Nigeria
Banking Law on unclaimed benefits stipulates under section 7 subsections
10 cap.15 Laws of the federation, that once such unclaimed benefits have
over stayed a maximum period of three (3) years with the account
unservicable, the money will be confisicated. And uptil now no body has
come to claim the money and his property for the last two years and our
bank has been notifying the Rotary club for the past one year.

In order to avert this negative development, I now seek your permission
to have you stand as a next-of-kin to the Late Beneficiary so that the
US$12.2M would be released and paid into your bank account as the
beneficiary next-of-kin for our mutual benefits. I am assuring you that
this transaction will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will
protect you from any breach of the law. Dear friend, It is because of my
position as an indigene that is making it impossible for me to claim the
fund directly, which is why your involvement was solicited.

This transaction is our lifetime hope and opportunity, which we cannot
afford to loss. However, it was deliberately designed to benefit me and
you. All necessary modalities to facilitate the conclusion of this
transaction has been worked out. contact me through my personal email
address for more details;[email protected]

Best regards,
Mr Douglas Nelson

Guest

Quote:

Good afternoon,
My name is Frank Glorihole and I am with the Christian Assembly
of Taint (a branch of the Baptist church). This email caught my
attention because I lost my wife and only son to a car accident three
years ago. My loss has been tragic, but from this experience I have
found God. My church is very large, and we have many missionaries
around the world (many in Africa). This large sum of money would help
our church to help others. I will help you in any way I can, as long
as it is legal. I am very ignorant in the ways of the laws and
governments. Please let me know what I can do to help you get the
money overseas so my church may continue to help the less forutnate
and bring into God to the life of others.

May God bless you and keep you,

Frank Glorihole

I set him up with the "holy roller" approach. I set up many of my main story in the first reply (lost family to car accident, with Christian Assembly of Taint, ignorant of the law, etc.).

Guest

Quote:

Dear Frank,

I got your mail and the content was well understood how are you today together with your family? Hope they are all fine to the glory of GOD.(Amen). I am empressed with your response and must assure you that this transaction is risk free.

I will like you to note that, as you have made up your mind to be the beneficiary to the deceased person so, as the bank authorities will not confiscate this fund. You will also stand to help me now that I am in position to give you all vital imformations regarding this fund as I am also the personal account officer to the deceased person to confirm you to the bank on request as the next of kin to the deceased person. Only known between you and I.

I have sought to go through the legal process in procuring the necessary paper works that will be done by the aid of an attorney whom you will assigned to stand on your behalf. All you do is to be honest with me, as you will be requested to send to me your full contact particulars on this regard. And mind you, this transaction must be confidential as I am still working under the said bank (Fidelity trust bank Nigerian. Plc.) as part of our security measure.

I will be waiting to hear from you as to instruct you on next process regarding the transaction. Remain bless.

Mr. Douglas.

Here he lets me know I've got to go through a lawyer, and sets a friendly tone. I reply.

Quote:

Mr. Douglas,
How are you today? As well as I am, I hope. Thank you for your
reply. Your letter has given me confidence, and I am ready to
complete the process. I must tell you, I do not like lawyers. I
would rather complete the process by myself. As you said, this is a
confidential matter. The only lawyer I know and trust is a member of
my church, The Christian Assembly of Taint. I will be as honest as
the day is long, for I am a man of God and my word is all I have. I
am awaiting further instructions and look forward to continue building
our relationship.

God bless you,

Mr. Glorihole

Guest

Here, he warns me to be "honest" (ha ha) and says I have to use his lawyer. Oh well, I tried.

Quote:

Dear Frank,

I got your mail and the content was well understood how are you today together with your family? Hope they are all fine to the glory of GOD.(Amen). I am empressed with your response and must assure you that this transaction is risk free.

I will like you to note that, as you have made up your mind to be the beneficiary to the deceased person so, as the bank authorities will not confiscate this fund. You will also stand to help me now that I am in position to give you all vital imformations regarding this fund as I am also the personal account officer to the deceased person to confirm you to the bank on request as the next of kin to the deceased person. Only known between you and I.

I have sought to go through the legal process in procuring the necessary paper works that will be done by the aid of an attorney whom you will assigned to stand on your behalf. All you do is to be honest with me, as you will be requested to send to me your full contact particulars on this regard. And mind you, this transaction must be confidential as I am still working under the said bank (Fidelity trust bank Nigerian. Plc.) as part of our security measure.

I will be waiting to hear from you as to instruct you on next process regarding the transaction. Remain bless.

Mr. Douglas.

I am to remain bless. I love Mugu grammar. He follows up with another email going into a little bit more detail.

Quote:

Dear Pastor,

Thank you very much for giving me this kind attention, may the GOD whom we all serve increase your anointing for proving unto me this day his ability to do things.

I have prayed over this transaction and whom GOD will use as angle to help maintain the source and keep mine part of this total fund ($12.2) unclaimed due to it�s nature as an accountant with the said bank.

Brother, GOD have revealed unto mine understanding that you are best suited brother to help me in this transaction, following your response to my previous mails, I quiet understood that you wholeheartedly accepts to offer this assistance before my authorities that you are the bonafide next of kin to the deceased person. I am in position here to confirm you as the next of kin to the bank, thereinafter fund will be transferred to your nominated bank account.

NOTE: Brother
, how do I understand that you will not betray me in this transaction, as this fund will be transferred into your account. What is the guaranty?

What is your profile with you bank based on the amount involved in this transaction ($12.2m)?

Will this figure ($12.2m) dollars attract attention between you and your bank?

Brother,
I am asking this entire question because of your refusal involvement of an attorney that is necessary in this transaction. He stands in position to secure your transfer documents. Think about this and get back to me as you are getting prepared to send in claims request order to the bank.

Brother, I have made this request before, but notwithstanding I will still ask. Your contact particulars to enable us easy contacts, my regards to your family as I wait to hear from you.

Mr. Douglas

I think I scared him when I said I didn't trust attorneys. And what is this shit with "how do I know you wont' betray me"? I just told this guy I lost my family to a car accident, the same way the rich Nigerian died, and he's lecturing me about betrayal.

Guest

Wow. This is getting fun. I don't know why Mr. Douglas thinks I'm a pastor, but I'll clear that up right quick. I think of a good way to get a picture out of him, so I come up with a 14k gold plaque. I don't think he knows what a plaque is, so I move on.

Quote:

Mr. Douglas,
How are you this fine day? I am wonderful. I was a little
confused by your last email. You started off by calling me a pastor.
I am not a pastor, just a humble deacon. I also did not ask you the
questions about your profile being involed in the transaction, or if
you would betray me. The only thing I said is I would rather not work
with a lawyer. But, I will. If I have to work with a lawyer to get
the money, that's is OK. I know there are many legal aspecs involved,
and that a lawyer is needed. I am not worried about being betrayed,
for God tells me that you are a special person.

If I work with a lawyer as you stated, I want you to do something for
me. I want you to remain in contact with me during the transaction,
incase I have any problems. Also, because of your great gesture, our
church would like to send you a 14k gold plaque thanking you. The
whole thing is gold, with your picture at the top and a message
engraved at the bottom, thanking you. I do not want to recieve the
money and lose contact with you, as you must be rewarded for your good
deeds.

In closing, thank you for everything. Tell your lawyer I am ready to
start the paperwork. But remember, if I lose contact with you, I will
be upset. I want you to recieve your gold plaque for your good work
for God. I thank you, and the Christian Assembly of Taint thanks you.

God keep you close,

Frank Glorihole

I also tell him that I want to stay in contact with him during my transactions with the lawyer. He replies with the lawyer info.

Quote:

Dear Brother,

Thank you for your mail and it�s content well noted. How are you together with your church brethren? My family and I are well too.

I am sorry for addressing you (Pastor) pls. Bear with me on this regard. I got your kind of person as being truthful and honest to matters at hand. I am much confided with you on this transaction as you made me to understand in your last mail.

This, I will like you to contact the attorney here who you have to work hand in hand with to secure all the necessary documents regarding this claim, and as he will act on your behalf as the attorney to deceased family menbers. Feel free to contact the attorney, as he is the bank official attorney, Below is his contact:

BARRISTER AHMED YAHAYA. Esq.

YAH CHAMBERS

KM 5 LEKKI PENN, RD.

VICTORIA ISLAND.

LAGOS - NIGERIA.

Email:
[email protected]

Contact him with regards to verify unto you the facts about this fund with this bank(FIDELITY TRUST BANK Nigerian. PLC) and account number:# 286-41732-55.before you go into agreement with him on the claims as this will involve the attention of both parties based on it nature as an inheritance claim.

Be compose as you complied your request as the bonafide next of kin to the deceased person and get back to me at once as he is going to present the request to my bank, I will also be there to confirm you as the beneficiary without any protocol. Thank you as you contact the attorney and get back to me immediately.

NOTE: you have to bear in mind that this transaction, I will not exposed myself due to my position and as it is against my proffession. I will give you the full information and directives on how you have to secure this fund with the aid of this attorney. this transaction must be kept a top confidential as you said.

Mr. Douglas.

Oh goodness. Account numbers already? I'm confused! After this, I email the lawyer.

Quote:

Dear Sir,
A Mr. Douglas has informed me to get in contact with you regarding a
certain legal matter. Please reply and give me the details. Let me
know what I need to do to help everything go smoothly.

May the Lord bless you and keep you,

Frank Glorihole

Oh, it's getting better.

Guest

Uh oh. I wasn't supposed to tell the lawyer about you? I don't understand. Here, he goes into a rant saying I'm trying to get him 'persecurted'. He goes on as how he lost his job, but got it back. Blah blah.

Quote:

Dear Frank,

Thanks for getting back to me. How are you today? Hope everything is all right?

To this effect, You have to bear in mind that this transaction must be strictly kept under top confidentiality based on it�s nature as I have previously said. Why do you have to get me involved to this matter as regards to the consultations you made to the attorney?

I have earlier made you to understand that this transaction is as a result of the demise of this depositor, I only stood with the full vital information�s that will aid any foreign partner that I will have to run the transaction with and retrieve the fund transferred to your destined bank account as I come to have mine part of the fund shared between us.

I am having in mind that you understand the full arrangement, but only to discover that you are trying to get me persecuted as you are trying to involve me to the knowledge of the bank accredited attorney. towards the consultations you made through the mail you sent to the attorney regarding his assistance. Mind you today, that this transaction had almost cost me my job as this is an act to betray the cost of my position and the bank security network.

If you do not understand pls. Get in touch with me so that I can re-explain to your understanding as your attempt to help is going to the wrong direction, implicating my interest standing trail as a conspired bank fraudstar to the knowledge of my management. Thank GOD that I have regained my position and would want you to understand your stands my good brother. I Honestly recommend your effort towards this transaction and the offer you stood to help.

I pray you do and lets wait to know his response, thank you as I wait to hear from you.

Douglas.

Oops. I'm sorry. Didn't mean you to 'lose your job'. I kiss his arse and then I setup another attack plan. . . the mission in Lagos. I play this one like a fiddle.

Quote:

Mr. Douglas,
Again, I apologize. I was not aware the lawyer was not supposed to
find out about you. Please, advise me on what I need to send to the
lawyer. Do I need to say "Hey, my name is Frank and you're supposed
to help me?" Please tell me how to talk to the lawyer without getting
you in trouble. I did not mean to jeapordize your job. I consider
you my brother, and wish no hard to come to you. I will do whatever I
can to get this money to the missions. Again, I am sincerely sorry
for any trouble I have caused. Advise me on how to contact the
lawyer. Oh, do you live close to Lagos? My brothers would love to
meet you and cook you supper one day.

Your brother,

Frank

Quote:

Dear Frank,

Thank you for getting back to me on this regards, how are you today? However, I am happy now that you have understood the procedures that this transaction must pass through as that will not effect my job and personality.

You have to equally bear in mind that you are standing as the true next of kin to the deceased person so that my bank can account for the balance of the deposited fund ($12.2 million dollars) and it�s interest as supposed. Let the attorney know about this, informing him that you got this proofs as you were going through the deceased particulars and as well investigating the way about of your brother assets here in Nigeria.

Do not get me involve this time. I will be waiting to hear from you as to what next to do regarding the claim release order that well be sent to you through me. You are to address the attorney as the deceased relatives. Then you get back to me so that I can forward to you the information that may arise if the need comes.

NOTE: do not involve your church brother�s here into this transaction, as this should be strictly dangerous. Take this transaction personal, you can get any body involve when this fund has successfully been transferred to your bank account. I will wait to hear that you are in good faith with attorney so that we can attain our mission. Thank you as I wait to hear from.

Douglas.

Guest

Ok. I understand now. I'm supposed to tell the lawyer I am the next of kin to some guy who's name I can't even pronounce. He's not going to ask me how I know him, or that we dont' even share the same last name? I console Mr. Douglas, telling him I understand now. No one is supposed to know. Ok, now I start to lay it on thick. I think I came up with a pretty good bait. I bring up the mission again. I want this Mugu traveling across his native land looking for a 'mission' that my church as setup. I also mention the infamous 'Love Donation', or a $2,000 check my church sends out to people in need in third world countries. I tell him I need a picture so he can be identified by the people at my mission. I can't have just any Mugu walk up and collect $2,000. He takes the bait. Oh, the fun is orgasmic.

Quote:

Mr. Douglas,
Thank you for your reply. I understand completely now. I will email
the lawyer and follow your instructions. As far as the lawyer knows,
I do not know you. I just found out my kin died.

My brothers in Lagos nor anyone in the church knows about our
business. They know that I have made a friend in Nigeria, but that is
it. I told my brothers in Lagos that I made a friend in Nigeria, and
they said they would love to cook for you. That's all I have told
them. I just wish to extend my hand of friendship to you, and have my
brothers cook you dinner. All that they know is that I met you on the
internet, and we have become friends. I know that you do not wish to
be involved, so I will keep it that way.

Our church sends out Love Donations all across the world. A Love
Donation is a donation from our church to help those in other
countries. Since you have been such a good friend and I am president
of the Mission Comittee, I would like to send you one. Our church
will either mail you an international money order for $2,000 or we can
mail it to our mission in Lagos and you can pick it up there. I would
like a photo of you holding our church logo for our donation records.
The Christian Assembly of Taint logo is "I love Taint", of course.
This will also serve as ID if you pick it up at our misison in Lagos
(and get your dinner).

I am mailing the lawyer next and hope to have this business done as
soon as possible.

May God bless you and keep you,

Frank

Oh, he would enjoy a Love Donation. He thanks me for offering him $2,000 out of the blue, and tells me that this kind jesture proves that I am his brother God. He also attaches the form I am to send to the lawyer.

Quote:

Dear Frank,

Thanks for being with me all this while as we are coming to the most important aspect of this transaction.

How are you today? hope fine. I have the text of an application which I have below for you to send to the attorney regarging this claim. I must thank you for offering me the sum of $2000 dollars as gift, this came to me as surprise and with this effect, I must let you know that you are the only brother that I have got. this also proves to me that you are the GOD sent brother in this transaction, so keep it up as we are yet to know each other very well.

fill the few gaps in this application and send it to the attorney requesting the release of fund to you as the next of kin to the deceased person. Pls. I have confide in you as I wait to hear from you on this regards.

Regards,

Douglas.

Below is the text of application you are to send to the bank attorney:

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BANEFICARY: Frank .........

ADDRESS:....................

TEL:............................

TO: BARRISTER AHMED YAHAYA, Esq.

Sir,

This is my application submitted today dated: 14/03/2005, sir, I seek your permission as the bank accredited Attorney to verify this claim of my relative and customer, Eng. M. Harrison with this bank (FIDELITY TRUST BANK Nigerian. PLC) whose sudden death occurred on the, 21/04/2001.

I am standing on the behalf of my family requesting to claim his account balance $12.2million us dollars deposited with account No. 286-41732-55fd.
In this said bank. I humbly hope that this application will be granted as you expedite action.

Regards,

FRANK.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Guest

Ok. Now I have the lawyer form. I can get my millions of dollars now. Here, I offer him the option of getting the money via MoneyGram, or picking it up at our Christian Assembly of Taint mission in Lagos.

Quote:

Mr. Douglas,
How are you on this fine day? I am doing great today, but I had a
long weekend. I did not reply to you sooner because I have problems
with my back and it hurts me sometimes. Anyway, I am glad we have got
this transaction going. I thank you for your fine letter and I am
proud I have a new brother! I met with the Mission Comittee this
weekend about your $2,000 Love Donation. Do you wish to have the
money sent to you from MoneyGram or would you like to pick it up at
our Christian Assembly of Taint mission in Lagos? I need to know so I
can get the check written. I also need a picture of you for
identification and records holding up a sign saying 'I Love Taint'.

I also thank you for the form for the lawyer. I will fill it out and
get it to him as soon as possible. Please send me a picture and let
me know how you would like to recieve your Love Donation. This will
prove to you that God watches over all his brothers.

May God bless you and keep you,

Frank

What a suprise! He wants a MoneyGram.

Quote:

Dear Brother,

I got your mail and it�s content were well understood? Meanwhile as this issue is at hand now, I will want you to note that the offer you were giving is good for me and I must thank you for such a big Christian love you and your members have for each other.

I was expecting to hear from you that the text of the application is already sent to the attorney for onward processing of the legal documents on your behalf as the beneficiary of this fund. Make haste to send the application if you have not, as this is the only way to secure this fund.

I will once more thank you for this great offer you are standing to help towards retrieving this fund, however you have to note that time is not on our favor for it�s nature and the full procedures regarding such nature of transfer of funds. Pls. lets work within our time reach and have this fund transferred to your destined bank account.

The least I forget, I must thank you again for showing me this great love from your Christian brethren, that shows that this transaction must be successful. You care, love, and understands, oh GOD I thank you for providing such a wonderful brother indeed. I pray that one day we will met together with our families, my wife will love to meet you and your family.

The $2,000 dollars you talk about should be sent through money gram so that my assistant will pick it up from their department.

HIS NAME IS: Mr. obaelue akpeh.

Send the money$2,000 dollars with this name and send the payment slip information�s to me. I will scan and send you my personal picture (photograph) to you, as you are demanding for it.

Do kindly send the text of application to the attorney today as I wait for the gift you have for me, sent through the above name and payment information�s sent to me. Thank you as I wait to hear from you.

Regards,

Douglas.

Demanding a picture?! Eat my arse!

Quote:

Mr. Douglass,
Thank you for your wonderful letter. I have already sent the form to
the lawyer with all of my information. I used the form you sent me,
and I sent it to him. I am trying to go as quicky as possible, as you
said we must.

I am sorry for "demanding" a picture, but you must understand, my
church requires it. Any Love Donation we send must have a picture, a
description of the person and why they need a $2,000 helping hand. We
give away so much money that we must have records of the people we
send it to, such as pictures and information, as we do not want to get
in trouble for taxes. I know privacy is important to you, so I will
not share the picture. It will remain locked in a file cabinet for
records only.

Again,I have sent the form to the lawyer. Everything is good. I await your picture, so I will know my brother that I share a great love for. As
I said, church rules state I can not send the MoneyGram Love Donation
until I have a picture for your records. I have done my part, and I
await yours, brother.

My God keep you and your family safe,

Frank Glorihole

Guest

Ok. This is where I start to giggle. The topic of his email was 'I LOVE TAINT'. The Mugu is really getting into is, especially since I'm such a generous Christian dumbass.

Quote:

Dear Brother,

I got all your mails sent today, how are you feeling today? Thank you for this great gift offers you wished me today. And I also thank you for sending the text of application to the attorney as you said in one of your mail sent today. Have heard from the attorney on what next you have to do regarding the retrieval of this fund? If so then make sure you send me the copy.

I have heard what you said regarding my gift, and at the same time taken the photograph with the word (I LOVE TAINT.) so you have to expect the picture this evening scanned sent through your mail box. I have given you the name you have to use in sending this gift to me. Mind you, as you also understand the fact that I don�t want to get exposed until this fund gets to your destined bank account.

I know that you are there to help me out as a brother and also help me to invest part of mine, pls. Lets keep this transaction out of publicity so that we can have this fund at hand then I can come before your church brethren, because I love the unity of this great household of GOD.

I will be waiting to see you send this gift through money gram or western union money transfer and get the full payment information�s sent to my mail box. Thank you as I wait to hear from you.

I LOVE TAINT and I will love to be one of this great household of GOD. Hope to complete this transaction soon and get myself up to these great brethren.pls. endeavor to send your photograph also as this love is extending to our families.

My Regards,

Douglas.

Boy, he wants that Love Donation, don't he? Uh oh, I accidently got TWO love donations. Man, this Mugu is eating this up!!

Quote:

Mr. Douglas,
I hope you are good. I write you
to inform you that I have sent the letter to the lawyer, and I am
still waiting to hear from him. I have not heard from him yet, and it
has been a day. I know you are in a hurry to get this transaction
over with, so I wanted to let you know.

Also, my brothers at the Christian Assembly of Taint misunderstood my
directions and sent the Love Donation to our mission in Lagos. They
prepared a gift basket for you with fruit and candy because I told
them how special you were to me. I still have the $2,000 check, and I
told my brothers. They told me to send my check to you, also. I hope
you can use the Christian Assembly of Taint's $4,000 to glorify God!
You do have to pick up the first $2,000 at the Lagos mission.

I still need your photo so my brothers at the mission will recognize
you. And I hope you can hold up a sign or something showing love to
our church "I Love Taint". How far are you from Lagos? If you are
too far away, I will have my brothers meet you somewhere to give you
your gifts and $2,000 Love Donation. Ever since I have met you, I
have had good fourtune. I want to return the favor, now. God watches
over us all. He has blessed me with TWO LOVE DONATIONS for you!!!
God bless.

All of God's love to you,

Frank

Whoops! Looks my church accidently went ahead and sent the first Love Donation to the mission. Looks like he'll have to go there and pick it up in person. I get a reply shortly thereafter, with another 'I LOVE TAINT' subject line. Damn, he's getting excited about the Love Donation mix up.

Guest

Wow. He's already taken his photo? That was quick! He really wants that Love Donation. He hasn't even mentioned the lawyer in a long time.

Quote:

Dear Brother,

This is to let you know that I have taken a fresh photograph as you said. I will be waiting to see that I got my gift through the information�s I sent to you in the first time, meanwhile have you heard from the attorney as regards to your previous mail sent to him?

This picture of mine is to let you know that I truly believed in you as regards to this transaction at hand. And the gift you are offering me is good and I love to have it sent to me today as you said in your mails today.

However, lets wait to have this great gift from TAINT ASSEMBLE CHRISTIAN OF GOD. As we wait to hear from the attorney to have this fund transferred to your bank as I earlier said. This is the picture of mine holding the sign I LOVE TAINT scanned and sent to you as I also wait to have yours picture too.

My Regards to your family and the members of this great brethren�s

Douglas.

Ok, this is where I am. I got my trophy today, so I decided to go ahead and post. I've got Mr. Douglas ready to travel Nigeria to find my Christian Assembly of Taint mission, so if anyone has any good ideas, let me know. I need some feedback, too. Let me know what I am doing right and or wrong. I am still learning. I GOT A MUGU TROPHY!!!!!

<center>

</center>

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 1:49 am

Ha! Taint bad!
"Glorihole"...haha I love it...

Guest

Thanks, doc. I was being careful and almost nice to the guy, but that's over. I've got my trophy and now I can be my true asshole self. Hell, if it wasn't for Myth and his Base64 decoding skills, I would have never gotten the pic out of the email.

Guest

Ok. Looks like my Mugu is getting a little antsy. I had almost made him forget about the lawyer with my 'Love Donations' from the church.

Quote:

Dear Brother,

Thank you for your response today? How are you, hope fine? I have waited for you to send the free love donations you promised.

However, This gift from your heart that you want to give me has to be very confidential, as this will not effect this transaction I warned! I will not in any way go to the church for now in order to receive these love donations as you lamented. Thank you for this great offer, how is everything around you?

This transaction is a must to me as this is the only hope I have as I have earlier told you. So I will like you to do anything you can to see that this funds gets to your destined bank account as discussed. I have given you my picture and now awaits this money $2000 dollars sent through money gram as you requested. Send the love donation through the name that I gave you and send the information�s to me for claim.

Have you heard from the attorney today regarding the Enquirer as he said in his mail you sent to me, pls. Hasten up so that we can formulize the conclusion of this transaction, as time is not on our side on these regards. I will be waiting to hear from you as I also wait to have your picture shown to my wife for recognition purpose. Thank you as I wait to hear from you today.

My Regards,

Douglas.

Ha ha. Boy, this Mugu is shy. There is $2,000 sitting right down the road from him, and he won't go pick it up because it's not Western Union. I guess he thinks I have a mob of murders waiting for him at the mission to cut his throat. Oh, and Mr. Glorihole sends him a picture.

Quote:

Mr. Douglas,

I have sent a Love Donation of $2,000 to Nigeria already. It is at the mission. Is there anyway I could have it delivered to you, or maybe have someone leave it somewhere to be picked up by an assitant of friend? I know you want to remain private, and that is not a problem. Maybe I can have the Taint Mission mail it to you, that way you do not have to "meet" any of my brothers. The first Love Donation must be accepted before I can MoneyGram the second one. The checks are in order, and must be processed in order because of church policy. If you want only one Love Donation, I must cancel the first check that is already in Lagos.

So, there are two choices. I can have my brothers in Lagos mail you the money / gifts already overthere or have them leave it somewhere for you to pick up. They can get you the gifts / money without you having to be seen. The second choice is to cancel the first check and then just MoneyGram the second one. I mean, what the fuck? Wouldn't you rather have $4,000 over $2,000? God knows you need the money.

I will email the lawyer in a few minutes and ask him what the status is. Now that I think about it, I emailed him a few days ago and have got no response. I hope he didn't jack off and forget about me.

I have attached a picture for you. I am the older man in the back with the Taint Robe on, and the two young boys infront of me are my Taint Alter Toys. I enjoyed your picture, for you are a strong young man. You remind me of myself when I was young, except a little darker.

May your soul dance with Jerry Garcia,

Frank Glorihole

Guest

Does anyone know about the new Post Office Box "laws" in the U.S.? I heard they changed after 9/11 and the nasty Patriot Act. I am in need of an anonymous PO Box.

Guest

Alrighty then. Haven't heard from Mugu since Friday. But, I think it's time to collect my 12.2 million dollars. The damn lawyer wants a death certificate, police report, etc. Enter Barrister Ahmed Yahaya, the lawyer.

YAH CHAMBERS

BARRISTER AND SOLICITORS AT LAW

NO.17 OKERI STREET, VICTORIA ISLAND,

LAGOS � NIGERIA.

ATTENTION:

SIR: FRANK GLORHOLE,

THIS IS IN RESPONSE TO YOUR REQUEST. I HAVE FINISHED MY INVESTIGATIONS ON THIS ACCOUNT NUMBER AND THE FUND. I DISCOVERED TO THE GREATEST SHOCK THAT THIS FUND $12.2MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ARE LEFT IN A DORMANT ACCOUNT UNCLAIMED.

I HAVE MADE VERIFICATIONS ON TERMS AND POLICIES GUIDING THE BANKING RULE ON UNCLAIMED FUNDS, IT STATES THAT SUCH FUNDS CAN STILL BE CLAIMED WITH DUE BANKING SATISFACTORY DOCUMENTS BACKING THE APPOINTED NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED WITH SWORN AFFIDVITE IN THE FEDERAL LAW COURT OF THE FEDERATION.

I AM HUMBLY REQUESTED TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS FINANCE HAUSE (FIDELITY TRUST BANK Nigerian.PLC) HAVE OBSERVED A MINUTE SILENT TO HONOUR THE DECEASED PERSON ON YOUR CLAIMS. HOWEVER, YOUR APPLICATION TO MY OFFICE IS GRANTED AND ACCEPTED TO HELP YOU SECURE THIS FUND AND RE-TRANSFERRED TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT AS IT MAY OCCURE TO YOU.

THE REQUEIRED DOCUMENTS ARE VITAL WHICH YOU WILL BE REQUESTED TO PRODUCE TO MY OFFICE TO ENABLE US START THE FULL PROCESSING OF THE FUND CLAIMS THROUGH THIS SAID BANK LEGAL DEPARTMMENT. YOU WILL BE REQUEST TO SEND TO THIS OFFICE THE FOLLOWINGS:

1.DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE

2.DEATH CERTIFICATE

3.LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION

4.POLICE REPORT

5.SWORN AFFIDEVITE

THIS IS THE REQUESTED INFORMATIONS THAT WILL BE FORWARDED TO THIOS OFFICE FOR THE FULL PROCESSING OF THIS FUND RELEASE ORDER. THANK YOU AS I WAIT FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

BARRISTER AHMED YAHAYA. (Esq.)

Alright. Now, I am scared. The lawyer wants death certifcates, police reports, etc. Now, why would a scammer want to put me through so much aggrivation of finding a "death certificate". I don't want to lie to a lawyer. Next, I express my concert to Mr. Douglas.

Dear brother,
How are you this fine day God has made for us? Good, I hope. The lawyer has sent me a letter, and I am quite alarmed. He wants me to send him a DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE, a DEATH CERTIFICATE, LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION, a POLICE REPORT and a SWORN AFFIDEVIATE. What am I to do, brother? I have no Death Certificate for Engr M.Harrison, nor do I have a police report. I'm not going to fucking lie to a lawyer. How do I know he's not setting me up? Nigerian Special Ops could be repelling down my roof the next day!!!

What am I to do, brother? Do you have the death certificate, or could you get it for us? What about the police report? Do you think you could kill someone and then get their death certificate? We can change the name, no problem. I really want this money to help the mission, but I do not know what to do. Please advise.

Also, what did you think about my offer to have your Love Donation delivered, or left somewhere for you. You do not have to expose yourself, for I know your privacy is of utmost importance. I've never seen anyone so ashamed of being African. I will have my brothers leave the gift in a public place for you, if you wish. Please tell me what to do next, brother.

May Holy crustacians dance upon your southern region,

Frank Glorihole