Save The Beavers!!

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Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2005 6:21 pm

This bait isn't complete, but I don't believe it will go very far. So this is probably as much as will see the light of day.

Quote:

Mr. Felix Taylor,

Your urgent email was well received, sir, but it is not at all well understood. Early in your email you say, "I do not need a situation when this deal is concluded,the person would vanish into thin air." Then, just a bit later, you say, "All I require from you is your absolute transparency..." Please make up your mind, sir. Do you want to see me, or not. I can be transparent if you wish, but it is painful for me. I would not like to vanish into thin air, and have no intention of doing so. So what is it you wish? Please make up your mind.

You have asked me for personal information. I hope you will keep this to yourself, since I do not wish it shared with the world.
Full names: Morris Tuckerton Jay Cams-Clattering Schoenfeldt Ibenik, but my friends call me Shorty.
Company name: Celebration Tin Horn Company, Inc. (We assure absolute quality of each tin horn by passing goose shit through it.)
Company address: 2877 Tutenhonk Freeway, Jacksonville, FL 32256
Personal telephone: 850-492-xxxx (ask for Morris)
Personal fax: 206-350-xxxx (this works for voicemail also)
My age: 53

I believe you now have what you need to process the relevant documents.

I look forward to your urgent email and the notification that the money is in my account.

Stay blessed,
Morris

And to my surprise he replied:

Quote:

Dear Morris Tuckerton Ibenik,

Thanks for your mail and the interest shown thereof.

After prayerfully meditating on the trust I will repose in you for safe-keeping of my funds, I have whole-heartedly decided to entrust you with the funds(USD55.6M).

Now, before I send you the deposit certificate of deposit the financial security houseng the funds(USD55.6M),I would like to know if you are financially capable of retaining the services of an attorney to prepare the documents having you as the beneficiary of the funds,and secondly, if you run an account that could take huge sums of money.

Please I require your immediate response as this is very crucial to the success of this business.

Thanks while I await your urgent reply.

Felix Taylor.

And I sent this in an effort to get him off script:

Quote:

Dear Felix,

I had no idea until your last email that you are a religious person. When I read that you prayed over the transaction, I was moved to tears. People are reluctant these days to express emotion in any public way, and they are even more reluctant to let their names be associated with any socially redeeming project. That is why I am asking you at this time, you who have demonstrated that you have the RIGHT STUFF, to join up with us to Save the Beavers! Yes, that's right, Save the Beavers. Are you aware, sir, that beavers are becoming nearly extinct as a result of mankind intruding upon their habitat? And to make matters worse, money-grubbing marketeers are encouraging the trapping of beavers so that they can be made into men's hats! Would you wear a beaver hat, sir? I think not!

You can participate by forming a local "Save the Beavers" chapter in your country. You would, of course, be President. You could charge your members annual dues, however much you choose. The minimum number to form a chapter is five, including yourself. And we would support your chapter financially in the amount of $83 per member, so the more members you have, the greater your financial support. We do require, however, a complete membership list including names, addresses, and signatures to ensure that chapters are valid. I regret there have been a few instances of cheating in the past in order to receive support funds, and we have been forced to take measures.

So what do you think? Are you ready to save the beavers, Mr. Taylor? We hope you will join our little band of brothers.

Sincerely,
Morris Tuckerton Jay Cams-Clattering Schoenfeldt Ibenik (Shorty)
"Save the Beavers"

If he bites (I doubt it), and he sends a membership list (I really doubt it), I'll ask for a group piccy of the chapter.