Harry explains why he couldn't write Terry for several days

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Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:19 pm

These are the continuing adventures of Harry and Terry. This is still ongoing, but I've managed to drive Terry completely nuts, with some help from my mentor, of course. Smile

Dramatis Personae

Harry Asse: Our hero
Terry D'O'Bryant: The terribly confused lawyer
Evelyn Hantger: The Dying Widow
Special Agent Buck Kaake: A special agent of the Bureau of Criminal Investigation, Internet Division, who is investigating Harold Asse, who is allegedly involved in some illegal activities.

This is fairly long, so I split it up into parts. Most of this was done before I decided to sign up for a mentor, so I really didn't know what I was doing. But.... I still managed to drive Mr. Duh O'derr batty.

I also removed the pictures. Mainly, because the lad is too incompent to send pictures via attachment. Or work a fax machine.

Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:40 pm

PART THE ONETH: In which we meet our hero, the villain, and the dying widow. And some mishaps occur.

Quote:

From: "evelyn hantger" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Mail from evelyn.
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 14:49:10 +0000

My Dearest one,

Your first reaction to this mail will be total rejection, scare and may
be
unbelief,owing largely to the atrocities people commit these days. But
this
mail comes from a devastated,sorrowful and emotional ladened soul that
needs
compassion from a kind and good spirited person to wipe away my tears,
perhaps when i must have gone beyond this sinful world.

With total submission to God and with due respect and apology, I want
you to
handle it very descreetly, confidentially and with utmost secracy.For
the
sake of my children,who are the cardinal focus of this mail,for their
future
survival and to avoid embarrassment,I do not want our family name to be
advertised or publicly discussed. Please, treat it as such and keep it
permanently private. If you would not be in the position to co-operate,
please, forgive me for disturbing your peace. Ignore and delete this
message. I plead in the name of God.

My purpose of writing to you is to seek your assistance to handle and
manage
my late husband's financial assets and take adequate care of our young
children, Duncan,12years and Jennifer, 8years. They are both studying
in the
American International School, Accra,Ghana.
My name is Mrs.Evelyn Hantger. I am an American, a widow of
circumstance,
married to a Swedish Engineer who resided in Abuja,Nigeria with me
before
his untimely death. My husband died in plane crash while going to
diagnose
and seek medical attention for a sickness that defied medical
treatment.Presently, I am diagnosed to have a third degree HIV virus
and
therefore suffering a terminal sickness of ACQURIED IMMUNE DEFICIENCY
SYNDROMME - AIDS -. I may die any moment but wish you to assist in
keeping
the family name and circle alive.

This mail is written for me by the matron of this hospital as I am too
weak
to engage in any other physical endeavors. Documented proofs for
confirmation, on request, could be provided. I have entrusted the sum
of
US$3.5million and 4.6 million respectively, the accrued savings and
life
insurance gratuity of my late husband, with the custody of a good
Security &
Finance Trust firm.

I want you to liase with this honest account officer and recover the
money
for your prudent care, management and safe keeping. Use it to secure
travelling papers for my children to leave Accra,Ghana and train them
as
your adopted children. I place no conditions on your management except
taking good care of my children.I am not fearful of death but I am
seriously
worried about the safety and future survival of my two children.
The manager's Contact is as follows:

Mr Terry D O'bryant
Account Officer,
Central Security Clearing And Finance House Abuja
Email: [email protected]
Tel; +234 8037212824.

At the moment and till I die, my correspondence with you will be
through
e-mail. I may not have the opportunity to speak with you while on my
sick
bed. You should contact the account officer to do the change of
ownership
from my name into your name and identity to enable you collect the
money
from the Finance and Trust Company. This is the only condition that
will
give you the right of ownership and full beneficiary status. I want
this
transaction to be handled with dispatch before I give up the ghost to
make
the endorsements easy.

I will appreciate it the more if you give me your reply no matter your
state
of mind, negatively or positively, it is alright.

Thanks and God bless.
Mrs.Evelyn Hantger.
Christian General hospital,
Abuja.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 11:59:03 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mail from evelyn.
To: "evelyn hantger" <[email protected]>

Dear Ms. Hanger,

With great sympathy, and great interest, I read your letter. It moved my heart and soul, and made me want to reach out to a troubled soul, and do whatever I can to ensure the safety and happiness of you and your children. Please inform me as to how I may assist you and your family.

Sincerely,

Harold T. Asse

Quote:

Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 13:54:26 -0800 (PST)
From: "evelyn hantger" <[email protected]>
Subject: I am so happy.
To: [email protected]

My dearest Harold Asse,

Thank you so much for your responds to assist in taking care of my twochildren,Duncan and Jennifer.Love them, Care for them and always be there for them.I know very soon I will be no more, but I want you to liase with this honest account officer who willingly accepted to help my family based on humanitarian basis and recover the money for your prudent care, management and safe keeping. Use it to secure travelling papers for my children to leave Accra,Ghana and train them as your adopted children. I place no conditions on your management except taking good care of my children.I am not fearful of death but i am seriously worried about the safety and future survival of my two children. I advice also that you contact;

Mr Terry D O'bryant
Account Officer,
Central Security Clearing And Finance House Abuja
Email: [email protected]
Tel; +234 8037212824.
He has been very helpful to me and Terry is the account officer with central security clearing house Abuja.I have handed over to him everything.He will also inform you on the procedures for the adoption of my two children,Duncan and Jenifer.He will send to you their pictures and then the process of wire transfer to your A/c.
He will assist us tremendously to actualise this project.
If I may ask,

1)What are you doing for a living?

2)How old are you?

3)Can you be trusted?I need a guarantee.

If I receive the above answers,I shall finally advise Mr Terry to forward to you informations as the beneficiary of the funds to cater for my chldren.
I need also a scan photo of yourself.I am very weak

Regards,

Your sister.

Evelyn Hantger

Quote:

Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 18:10:32 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: I am so happy.
To: "evelyn hantger" <[email protected]>, [email protected]

Dear Ms. Hantger,

I very happy to receive your reply. I'm sure your children are beautiful people, and I know the importance of providing a good life for your children. Sadly, my wife and only daughter died in a car accident in December, 2002. Since then, I have always longed for the smile and laughter of a child once again.

To answer your questions:

1. I am 50 years old.

2. I am the owner of a Recording Company, along with my partner Armand Fyssten. It's called The Fyssten-Asse Recording Company. We used to manage many rock groups in the 1970s. However, since we've both aged, it's difficult to manage them, and now we just rent out recording space to up and coming artists.

3. Before I give you any more personal information about myself, I want to know if you are trustworthy. I hear so many stories about scams on the internet. I don't believe that you're one of those people, but I just want to make sure. Do you, or Mr. O'Bryant, have some sort of ID that you could show me?

I have included my photograph with this email. It's a recent picture taken in the Fyssten-Asse Recording Company Studio A, of me recording the debut CD of a new band straight from Japan. The woman sitting next to me is our recording assistant Sonja Calby.

Sincerely Yours,

Harold T. Asse

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: duncan & jennifer pict.
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 08:07:06 GMT

Dear Mr Harold,
I have received informations from Mrs Evelyn coupled with the mail you sent to our office at central security clearing house, Please do send me mail from this private mail box since other officials access the same mail. Confirm to me your personal phone numbers and full name and address to enable us start processing your funds. Mrs Evelyn told me that we should transfer the funds of her husband to you and that you are going to adopt her two children. she also informed me that I sent to you their pictures. See the attached photo of duncan and jennifer. we shall try to work with you as soon as we get all the required informations and again the adoption process will cost some money but I may advise you to wait until you receive the funds into your designated account you may chose or a draft payment. whichever you decide.
I hope to hearing from you.
Yours friend,
Terry D' O'bryant
Snr Manager

Quote:

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 02:15:09 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: duncan & jennifer pict.
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr. Obryant,

Thank you for the quick reply. I was a little disappointed that Mrs. Evelyn did not respond to my mail, but I am ecstatic that you did. Unfortunately, the pictures that you sent didn't come out -- the screen only showed gibberish. Could you please resend them? Also, Mrs. Evelyn hasn't told me their ages. Could you please tell me their ages?

I cannot tell you how excited I am about this opportunity. I have already scouted out private schools for them to attend. I think I will send them to the Harknox Academy, which is an extremely elite private school. So elite, that you have to know someone who works there, or attends there, to even know that the school exists! The school of Harknox is such a good school that they will fully prepare the children for life. I don't mind spending $200,000 + a year to send them to the best private schools, and then the best universities. After all, it's their future.

I don't understand what a "draft payment" is. Could you please explain it to me? Also, do you have any identification for yourself? I'm very sorry to ask this of you, but I have read so many stories about scammers, that I am very afraid. I wouldn't want to lose my millions of dollars I have saved up over the years. I know that you're not a scammer, I have full trust in you and Mrs. Evelyn. When I receive that, I will give you full information about me.

Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Harry Asse

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: ATTACHED PICS.
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 12:59:17 GMT

Dear Harold,
many thanks for your reply, well I am a civil servant that is currently working with a finance firm, I am honest and trusted for this reason I work with a financial firm, You can still confirm from
Evelyn though very sick, I will send to you my identity scanned, I am repeating the pictures again, duncan 8 years and jennifer 12 years,
thank you
TERRY D O'BRYANT

Note: The picture was sent as a HTML file.

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: AS PER YR REQUEST
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 17:03:10 GMT

ps find attached ID CARD.
THANKS
TERRY

NOTE: The card was sent as a HTML file.

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: 2nd request
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 17:08:36 GMT

Dear Brother,
I succeeded in getting out the certificate of deposit of Mr Hantger, husband of Mrs Evelyn you can see the balance amount which you are to claim.
Terry

NOTE: Once again, it was sent as a HTML file.

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Adoption Form
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 17:19:07 GMT

Dearbrother,
kindly fill the attached form and return back to me
after scanning , fill the first part while i have to complete the last one, You can quickly forward through western union money transfer the form fee of 850$ to enable the authority start the processing since the certificate which the Ministry of Youth and welfare will issue to us shall be needed to release the fund. they call it Certificate of Adoption.
Please send the money today using the bearers Name;
NAME; MR LOUIS CHIKEZIE
LOCATION; ABUJA NIGERIA
TEST QUESTION; WHAT FOR?
ANSWER; FORM M104
I really need your picture and telephone number to be able to reach you as quickly as possible to inform you about the day to day developments, if we can start all the process today latest by tuesday next week you will be able to confirm the first tranch of $3.5 million,
call me on 234 80-37212824.
Let Honesty, Trust and confidence be our watchword.
Yours friend,
Terry D'oBRYANT

NOTE: Ayup, just as you guessed: HTML file.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 10:12:00 -0800 (PST)
From: "evelyn hantger" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: I am so happy.
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>

Hi harold,

I have signed some docs, brought by Mr Terry Today, I want you to coperate fully with him since he is an honest man and has been very helpful to me, I am feeling so weak now, Try to update me very soon.

mY REGARDS To your family

Evelyn

Quote:

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 10:41:22 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: ATTACHED PICS.
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Terry,

Thank you for the photograph. They're such beautiful children! I am looking forward to seeing their brilliant, smiling faces brighten up my estate. Today, I dusted out my daughter's old costumes that she liked to dress in for fun. She loved dressing up! Sometimes, as a nurse; sometimes, as a French Maid; sometimes as one of her favorite animation character. Sometimes, she would invite the neighborhood children over, and they would play in the playroom; and my heart would feel warm listening to their squeals and grunts of joy as they would frolick amongst the toys, or amongst the yard.

I feel wonderful now, Mr. O'Bryant. I don't think I could explain in words how wonderful I feel.

Your friend,

Harry

Quote:

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 10:43:51 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: AS PER YR REQUEST
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Terry,

Sadly, the ID Card has come out looking like gibberish again. Maybe there's something funny about your email program. Or, maybe there's something funny about mine. Regardless, I'm sure the wrinkles can be ironed out.

Regards,

Harry

Quote:

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 11:12:56 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: 2nd request
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

I don't know what's going on, but this one came out as gibberish also. Now, I don't think you're serious, and trying to play games with me. I sincerely hope that this isn't the case, as I had my heart set on adopting those two wonderful children. Now, my heart feels heavy, and is starting to break. Please assure me that this isn't true, and that there's just some strange error. I don't want my heart broken, and I don't want to lose my trust in humanity and the good of others. Since my wife and only daughter died in December, 2002, I have been longing to have someone in the house again, and this is the perfect opportunity.

I will tell you their story: they were on the way to Togo's Eatery, to meet up with their Uncle Torgo Manos (my wife's uncle). He was on a family vacation for the holidays, and had driven all the way from El Paso with his wife, daughter, and their wonderful poodle Pepe. They turned a corner, and was hit by a man who was drunk. It was tragic.

I pray, for the good of the children, and for my own sake, that I can, once again, fill my house with the pure aura of children. Maybe it will even prompt me to get another wife, so that the children can have a wonderful mother to guide them into a successful life.

Sincerely,

Harry

Quote:

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 11:45:38 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Adoption Form
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Look -- the form didn't come out. It was gibberish again. I'm getting a little irritated. As I said, I don't know if it's the system, or whatever.

Shall we discuss this over the telephone?

My phone number is:
+1 (310) 665-1119

I receive only personal calls over that line. Since I wouldn't consider our collaboration business, but rather a personal matter, you may call me all you want on that line.

You say "Let Honesty, Trust and confidence be our watchword." I uphold all those values to the greatest levels on honor. I believe in you, Terry. And I believe in Evelyn, and the Children.

Sincerely,

Harry Asse

Quote:

Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 22:46:31 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: My Apologies
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Brother Terry,

I have to apologize to you. I'm afraid that I said some harsh words earlier, and I deeply and humbly am sorry for them. I had a major setback at work today. One of our recording artists, Ivanama, was arrested for dropping her skirt in public for money. This caused a major problem, because we had set up a concert for her at a very reputable arena. We had to cancel that concert, which cost us around $150,000. Also, the company that we contract to press CDs for us messed up on Ivanama's debut CD, and sent us 10,000 Blank CDs!!!!!! The packaging was OK, but the CD itself was blank. We didn't find that out until we started getting calls in from local record stores saying that the CD was defective.

Anyways, I sincerely hope that there are no hard feelings, and that I did not offend you, as you seem like a very honest man, full of integrity.

Your friend,

Harry

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: MY identity card
Date: Fri, 04 Feb 2005 07:44:21 GMT

Dear Brother,
Iam repeating the attachement again.
Terry

NOTE: HUNNGGHHH!!! ANOTHER F%%IN' HTML FILE!

Quote:

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: As per yr request/see attachments
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 23:57:52 -0800 (PST)

Dear Brother,
ps see all the attachements.kindly forward the adoption
form fee of $850 dollars by western union money
transfer system to;
MR LOUIS CHIKEZIE
ABUJA-NIGERIA
TEST QUESTION; What For?
ANSWER; FORM M104
This will help us tremendously to actualise this
transfer. fill the first part and return back , i shall
complete the others and send the form with the payment
for processing. The finance house wants to see the
adoption certificate. This will be release after the
form has been completed and process. Mrs evelyn is in a
very bad state and she told me yesterday that I should
inform you to purchase a house for the children with
their name as soon as you get the funds and that you
take a picture of the home and send to us to see.
I look forward to hearing from you today.
Yours truly,
Terry D' Obryant
Snr Manager

HTML. FILE.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 4 Feb 2005 02:18:06 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: As per yr request/see attachments
To: [email protected]

I clicked on the attachments, and one of them sent me to a website, and asked me for a password. The next one was all gibberish. The form came out OK, however. I don't know what the hell's wrong with you This isn't a game! This isn't something you sit around and laugh about with your buddies while drinking beer or whatever you drink in your country! What do you drink in your country? Elephant Sweat? Gazelle Blood? Fermented Rhinocerous Piss? These are human beings you're dealing with! These are the lives of two children -- two innocents who deserve a chance in life, and I am more than willing to provide this good life to those children! They would get anything that they wanted in life, and possibly more! Heck, if Mrs. Evelyn pulls through this, I'll even bring her over!!! I think Miss Evelyn may have made a bad choice in choosing you to represent her, as you seem to be pretty damn incompetent, seeing you can't even send a damn attachment on an email. Hell, I can do that, and I don't know diddly about computers.

I'll send the damn money tomorrow. I don't know where there's a Western Union office around here, but I do know where there's a moneygram office. I'll look for the Western Union office tomorrow. If I can't find one, I'll send it via moneygram. As for the house, that's probably going to take a few days to get one, as houses are very expensive around here, and not too many are on the market right now. The cheapest I can get is $700,000 US. The most expensive is $15,000,000.

Regards,

Harry Asse

p. s. My brother Barry is coming in tomorrow with his son Eaton, and the three of us are going to go deep sea fishing. So, I won't be around Saturday. His wife Maiphat is also coming. I'll ask her to wire the money, in case I can't do it tomorrow. She's very trustworthy, and we don't have to worry about her saying anything.

Have a nice day.

Harry

Quote:

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: WESTERN DETAILS REQUIRED
Date: Sat, 05 Feb 2005 00:57:40 -0800 (PST)

Dear Brother,
I am very sorry if the attachment did not show clearly,
I will still try to resend, incase you have a fax line
kindly forward it so that I can send by fax. I have
tried to reach you on phone number you gave to me
without success, Atimes it will ring and when you pick
it ,it will cut, I Was with Evelyn Last Nigt as she
wanted to speak with you but without result. You better
go for the purchase of the lesser building and snap it
and get across the photo. I shall try my best to ensure
that the funds are remitted, forward the form fee today
as you promise , I shall be accessing my mail to get
the western details, forward, Name of sender, control
number and amount sent for collection,
May Allah lead us to success,
Yours Friend,
Terry D OBRYANT

Quote:

Date: Sat, 5 Feb 2005 02:33:48 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: WESTERN DETAILS REQUIRED
To: [email protected]

Terry,

I don't understand why the phone cut off. It was fine at this end, as I was receiving calls all night and all day, trying to work out that damn Ivanama problem. I'm sorry to use cursewords, but it's very frustrating for us, as we have sunk in a lot of money into her. I even hired one of the best lawyers in Los Angeles to try and persuade the police to drop the charges against her, and set her free. I mean... what's so bad about dropping your skirt in public to earn a few bucks? Broads do it at strip clubs all the time. It's not like she's a jungle-muff or anything, she's nicely shaved down there. And she's not a whore or anything. Well.... not anymore. Though, I suspect that she still... errmm.... "entertains" people to get ahead, if you know what I mean. Nudge nudge wink wink. That's how she got the job here. She's not a hotty or anything, and her singing voice sounds like... welll....... imagine scratching a screaming, tortured cat across a chalkboard while a Chinese Opera plays in the background. In fact, she's uglier than an elephant's butthole chock full o' hemmorhoids! What do you think? Do you think it's bad for a woman to drop her skirt in public to earn a few bucks? Or to ride the white trouser snake to success? I dunno if gals do it in your neck of the woods, but they do it here all the time. Anyways... enough about her..... This ain't about her, this is about the phones. As I said, I don't know why the phone cut off. It's not a problem here, it must be a problem at your end.

I hope Evelyn's doing OK. I am very worried about her. In my mind, I try to imagine what she looks like, as I've never seen an image of her. Do you happen to have an image of her? If so, please send me one. I won't yell at you this time if the attachments don't come out. I think your ISP is screwy, as I received quite a few attachments yesterday. Kids who want to be singers -- they send me their photos, resumes, and sound files all the time. As I said, I would bring her over here, too, if she manages to recover from her illness. I think it would be wonderful for her to be able to watch her children grow in a nation where success and dreams fluorish.

Did you receive the form I sent to you yesterday? You didn't mention it, which makes me think that you didn't receive it.

My sister-in-law Maiphat wired the money today to you. She scanned in the receipt, and I'm including it with this email. Don't worry -- she's 100% trustworthy. And a hotty to boot! I don't know how my brother got such a beautiful bride, considering that he's an ugly old rude fart. I'd include her photo, but the only ones she has sent me are semi-nude ones. She likes to show her body off a lot, and stroll around my Estate partially nude. Today, I told her that she shouldn't do that when the children are here, and she promised that she wouldn't. I believe her.

Tomorrow, I go fishing. Eaton got some new lures which don't require bait, and are supposed to be dynamos for catching fish. Afterwards, we're going to go BADger hunting in the forest, and then have a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant, Vaffunculo Quattro Un Nove Italian Bistro.

Have a nice day,

Harry.

Quote:

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: thanks
Date: Sat, 05 Feb 2005 11:33:45 -0800 (PST)

Hi Harold,
The western union information file is corrupt , I could
not see anything, just write
to me the name of sender, address, western union
control number
and test question and answer immediately.
I shall be accessing mail, can you forward your fax
line if any??
call me on phone 2348037212824 as i would like to
discuss with you on telephone, Your number
is very difficult to reach...
Have a nice day,
Yours friend
Terry D' Obryant

Quote:

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: WESTERN DETAILS REQUIRED
Date: Sun, 06 Feb 2005 02:53:13 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr HAROLD, I do hope you are not playing pranks?
Your phone cannot be reached and you cannot contact me
inspite of the fact we are having a serious transaction
that requiresyour constant keeping intouch, You send
money for the form uptil now I have not received it,
You are not borthered to check If I have collected it,
Well If I wait till tomorrow without result I will
advise Evelyn to change you as the beneficiary, I am a
good muslim and I dont tell lies so you should give
this project a serious consideration . we need to move
forward.
YOurs friend,
TERRY D O'BRYANT

It was at this time, I decided to sign up for a mentor.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2005 10:54:06 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: lost emails
To: [email protected]

did you try to send me any emails yesterday or today? If so, please resend them. I lost many emails yesterday and today.

Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:51 pm

Part the Twoth: In which things get interesting, the government gets involved, and the villain begins to lose it.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2005 17:54:50 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: I am so happy.
To: "evelyn hantger" <[email protected]>

Dear Evelyn,

I'm sorry to take so long to respond to your message. I was out of town on Saturday, and part of Sunday. I also had many problems with my business last week, which took up most of my time. One of our recording artists was arrested for indecent exposure; another had a temper tantrum, and smashed a bottle on a console which caused one of my studios to catch on fire.

I am concerned about your choice of Mr. O'Bryant to represent you. I am not very confident in his ability to execute this transaction, as he has already shown to be quite incompetent in some aspects -- I asked him a simple request to send me an ID, and he botched that up. I also ask him question in my emails, which he ignores. Also, I have given him my telephone number, and he tries to call, but he claims that he's not getting through. Which is too bad, because I would really like to talk to him, and hopefully talk to you. I am getting more concerned, as I haven't heard from him in several days. I think he might, in the end, steal the money, or kidnap the children, and then we both will be screwed.

Might I suggest that you either a) pull him off this transaction, and reassign it to another person, or b) talk to him, and explain my concerns.

Thank you very much.

Harold.

Enter the Special Agent

Quote:

Date: Wed, 9 Feb 2005 23:25:13 -0800 (PST)
From: "Buck Kaake" <[email protected]>
Subject: We are currently investigating Harold T. Asse
To: [email protected]

Dear Mr. O'Bryant,

My name is Special Agent Bertram "Buck" Kaake, and I represent the Bureau of Crime Investigation. We are investigation a tipoff that Mr. Harold T. Asse was involved in potentially illegal activities from the dates of Feburary 1, 2005 through February 8, 2005. Your name came up in the investigation. You are not a suspect in any way. However, we must have very detailed, written statement telling us of all activities that transpired between you and Mr. Asse. This is a basic formality, and is required to clear someone of any suspicions. Please remit your written statement within 24 hours, or we will assume that you were involved in these illegal activities. An email submission is acceptable in this case. If you have any questions, you may send me an email, or contact my office via telephone at 206-202-5066.

Sincerely,

Buck Kaake
Bureau of Criminal Investigation
470a Washington St., Suite A72B
Boston, MA 02118
Tel: 206-202-5066

The villain ignores this request from Special Agent Buck Kaake.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2005 01:19:46 -0800 (PST)
From: "Buck Kaake" <[email protected]>
Subject: **SECOND WARNING** You have failed to respond within the alotted time.
To: [email protected]

Dear Mr. O'Bryant,

This is Special Agent Buck Kaake, and I represent the Bureau of Criminal Investigation, Internet Division. Yesterday, I requested that you send me a written statement of all dealing you had with a Mr. Harold Tonov Asse, who is currently being invesigated by our department for alleged illegal activities. You failed to respond. Failure to respond is an automatic admission of guilt, according to our by-laws. However, we will be very generous and give you 24 more hours to comply to our request. Failure to reply this time will result in a full criminal investigation of your person, and any alias(es) that you have. We will cooperate with International Police, Internet Crimes Division, and any local authorities in your area. Please reply with the fully written statement ASAP.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact my office at 206-202-5066, or via email. If I am out of the office, please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Buck Kaake
Bureau of Criminal Investigation
Internet Division
470a Washington St., Suite A72B
Boston, MA 02118
Tel: 206-202-5066

The Villain replies, but is very uncooperative with the federal law enforcement officer.

Quote:

[email protected] wrote:
Dear Sir,
Iam Terry D Obryant senior manager with centralclearing
house. I know the fellow you are mention as our
customer for many years and currently he has some
deposits with us which I WILL not mention here to
you.Incase you need further clarification write to the
director;
[email protected]
Best regards,
Terry D o'BRYANT
Senior Manager

buck kaake wrote:

Dear Mr. O'Bryant,

Thank you for your reply. Although you did not supply us with the information you requested, I just wanted to tell you that Mr. Harold T. Asse has been cleared of any suspicions by our agency. I cannot say much about the case, but according to our investigation, he was defrauded by an irreputable company into donating several hundreds of thousands of dollars to them.

On behalf of the Bureau of Criminal Investigation, Internet Division, I would like to apologize for any inconvenience this investigation may have caused you and your associates.

Sincerely,

Special Agent Buck Kaake
Bureau of Criminal Investigation
Internet Crimes Division

Quote:

Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2005 01:31:22 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Where are you?
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Terry,

I haven't heard from you in a while. What's going on? Did you get the money I sent? You better not drop this deal, because I put a hell of a lot of money into my home preparing it for the children. I also just spent $850,000 on a home, like you asked me to.

I'm very sorry about the Muslim comment I made. It was a joke, but perhaps it didn't sound funny. I'm sorry about that.

I have a problem right now -- I am being investigated by the Bureau of Criminal Investigation because of some deals that I had with a company in France. Apparently, they were not in the up-and-up, which I had no idea about. They forced me to download all emails and submit it to them from the past 30 days. I was forced to give them the secret email between you and I. But, they were not interested in them at all, as they had nothing to do with the France case. But... if I were you... I would comply with whatever they ask. I forget the agent's name -- Buck something or other. He seems like a nice fellow, but I wouldn't mess around with him.

Let me know what's going on, please. Don't worry -- they're not monitoring anything anymore, as they got what they wanted.

Sincerely,

Harry Asse

Terry ignores the message.

Quote:

Date: Sat, 12 Feb 2005 15:17:13 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: I haven't heard from you.
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Terry,

I haven't heard from you in quite some time. I am very concerned. How are you? How is Evelyn and the children? I hope that you're not ignoring me on purpose, and that I spent the $850,000 on the home for nothing. If so, I will be very upset.

The good news is, I've been cleared by the Bureau of Criminal Investigation. Sadly, I won't get any of the $250,000 I donated to the company in France back, but the criminals have been apprehended, thanks to the efforts of the International Police and the Bureau of Criminal Investigation.

When am I going to be able to adopt the children? I've spent quite a bit of money fixing up my house, buying new toys and whatnot. I even installed a pool in my backyard, and a small fun house for the children. I'm not very interested in the money, to tell you the truth, I am more interested in the children.

Sincerely,

Harry Asse

Terry ignores that one, also.

Quote:

Date: Sat, 12 Feb 2005 15:19:26 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Where are you?
To: [email protected]

Dear Terry,

I haven't heard from you in quite some time. I am very concerned. How are you? How is Evelyn and the children? I hope that you're not ignoring me on purpose, and that I spent the $850,000 on the home for nothing. If so, I will be very upset.

The good news is, I've been cleared by the Bureau of Criminal Investigation. Sadly, I won't get any of the $250,000 I donated to the company in France back, but the criminals have been apprehended, thanks to the efforts of the International Police and the Bureau of Criminal Investigation.

When am I going to be able to adopt the children? I've spent quite a bit of money fixing up my house, buying new toys and whatnot. I even installed a pool in my backyard, and a small fun house for the children. I'm not very interested in the money, to tell you the truth, I am more interested in the children.

Sincerely,

Harry Asse

No surprise, Terry ignores it.

The Special Agent notices something a little funny about Terry's last email, and decides to investigate it.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 13 Feb 2005 22:36:56 -0800 (PST)
From: "Buck Kaake" <[email protected]>
Subject: FRAUD INVESTIGATION (Re: TO; BK)
To: [email protected]

Dear Mr. O'Bryant,

The email that you issued me, [email protected], is fraudulent. Do you have any idea what serious crime you have just committed? You have issued fraudulent information to a federal agent. In the United States, this type of crime is a Class A Felony, the punishment usually being life imprisonment. Furthermore, by not doing what you have been asked, you are refusing to cooperate with a law enforcement officer, which is another Class A Felony. Thus you are inhibiting the investigation of a crime, which is another Class A Felony. So far, you have committed 3 Class A Felonies, all with life sentences attached.

You are a fraud and a criminal, Mr. O'Bryant.

Sincerely,

Buck Kaake

Terry Ignores that message.

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: very depressed
Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2005 15:27:17 GMT

Dear Harold Asse
We have resolved to change you as the beneficiary of funds of Mr James Hantger due to unseriousness over this matter, kindly write a letter to the central security clearing house Attn; Mr DAVID LLOYD and inform him that As a result of some family misunderstanding which has been resolved between you and Evelyn that we have agrreed that the funds of $3.5 million and $4.6 million be transfered to the below account;
BYBLOS BANK CYPRUS
SWIFT; BYBACY 21
BENEFICIARY; WILLIAM STONE

ACCOUNT NO; 9504901041

We have decided to compensate you adequately as soon as the funds is released, I personally got a new beneficiary who is ready and willing to offset the bills and he demanded a letter from you and the bank. please we are in trouble if we did not receive this letter and present to the clearing house. for onward release as most documents are bearing your name..
CONTACT ME ON 234 80 37212824
Regards
Terry D O bryant

Quote:

Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2005 17:36:57 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: very depressed
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Terry,

I don't understand what you mean by unseriousness? I have told you 3 times already that I have spent approximately $1,200,000 on fixing up my house, and buying the other house. I had to sell part of my share of the recording business that I've owned for nearly 25 years. I even got investigated by the governments because of you. And you call me unserious?

I have asked you many questions along the line, but you keep ignoring them. Why won't you answer them? If anyone is unserious, it's you. I've asked you many questions, and you've ignored them. I sent you the money, and you lied and said you never received it. Hell, my sister in law is DEAD because of you. She went to WU to resend the money, and was hit by a car when she was leaving the building. All because of YOU. You've shown me nothing but incompetency and ignorance, Terry. I am very upset.

Who is this David Lloyd? How the hell can I contact him if you didn't give me his email address? And who is this William Stone? Again, how the hell can I contact him without his email address? I'm not telephathic, you know.

Answer my questions now. Or I will refuse to help you, and you'll be screwed.

Regards,

Harold T. Asse

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: very depressed
Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2005 11:54:37 GMT

Harold, You are a liar, Nobody sent money to me You can contact david lloyd presently in london on 44 7040111402.
mr william stone wants to assist us to settle all the charges and the fund transfered to his account. please do us a favour and yourself as we are determine to compensate you, All the payment instruction documents are bearing your name. Again your sister did not send any money hence I decided to contact wililiam stone for help. Note. Evelyn is dead and we can only assist now and see that the funds is evacuated..
I hope you will put in your best this time.
regards
Terry

The Special Agent sends a court summons to the villain, accusing him of fraudulent behavior, and other serious charges.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2005 20:48:41 -0800 (PST)
From: "Buck Kaake" <[email protected]>
Subject: Court Summons
To: [email protected]

Dear Mr. O'Bryant,

Because of the fraudulent information that you have given to me, and because of your complete failure to cooperate with a Federal Agent during an ongoing investigation, you are hereby served with this court summons.

Sincerely,
Special Agent Buck Kaake
Bureau of Criminal Investigation, Internet Division

If someone wants to see the "Court SUmmons," PM me, and I'll show it to them.

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 12:06 am

Part the threeth: In which our hero becomes angrier, and our villain becomes loonier.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 14:50:40 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: very depressed
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Terry,

You have a very bad attitude. I am offended by your horrible attitude. I doubt ANYONE would want to do ANYTHING with you with that awful attitude. Furthermore, you have insulted me by calling me a liar. I do NOT appreciate that AT ALL. I'm extremely offended.

What about the children? What happened to them? Did you rape them and kill them? You sicko gay bastard. I bet Evelyn didn't die -- I bet you killed her. And then fucked her dead body, because you're such a sicko.

I refuse to help you in any way. You want me to contact them? Too bad. I refuse to. If they want to talk to me so badly, have THEM contact ME. You want that money? Too bad. You're NEVER going to get it now. EVER. It'll just sit there and sit there and sit there for all eternity. And I'll laugh every single time I think about it, and I'll laugh at you.

There is only one way you can get me to help you. Only one way. What is it? I'm not telling you. You have to guess.

You LOSE, O'Bryant. And I WIN.

Love,

Harry

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: todays mail
Date: Sat, 19 Feb 2005 09:57:08 GMT

hi harold
I received a mail from your friend that i should transfer the funds to him that he was ready to settle the bills but because of my strong belief in islam i decided not to respond to him. If I am greedy i would have follow his advise , can you speed up this transaction by forwarding the required charges... confirm your fax number
best regards,
Terry

Quote:

Date: Sat, 19 Feb 2005 14:09:38 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: todays mail
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

What friend are you talking about? I demand to know who's trying to double-cross me.

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: todays mail
Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2005 15:50:50 GMT

Hi Harold, If i wait till tomorrow morning without confirmation of the PAD charges I have no other option than to change you as the beneficiary, Your friend should keep off this transaction. if he does not want me to expose him with his evil intentions. confirm your working telephone number and the payment, immediately,
Best regards,
Terry D O'bryant

Whoops! It seems that our hero has contracted a strange computer virus!

Quote:

Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2005 13:01:53 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: todays mail
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear aji otu nne gi,

Amu jie gi. Nkita tabiekwa gi amu.

Ji si ike na olu!

Love,

Harry.

The villain ignores that message, despite Harry's attempts to get a death threat, or a voodoo curse out of him.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2005 02:38:50 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: todays mail
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr. O'Bryant,

Was my previous mail to you corrupted? Because people who received mails from me for the past several days have said that it was corrupted, and there were strange words in it. I got a virus on my computer, which totally corrupted my emails into complete nonsense words. Some "Aji otu nne gi" crap like that. Total BS. I laughed when they showed me that, because they're the funniest nonense words I've seen in a while.

Anyhoo, sorry if the email came out corrupted. Here is the original email, non-corrupted:

"Dear Terry,

Thank you very much for the message. I'm kind of confused as to what friend it is, because you haven't answered my question. What friend is it? I'll have my business partner Frigo Canneloni look into it.

Thanks.

Harry"

Best regards to you and your family,

Harry.

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: IAM VERY DISSAPOINTED
Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2005 13:30:00 GMT

ACTUALLY HE IS THE ONE TELL HIM TO STOP WRITING ME. IF WE DO NOT HEAR OR CONFIRM THE FUNDS TODAY THEN FORGET THIS PAYMENT.
BEST REGARDS,
TERRY

What?!!

Quote:

Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2005 11:07:13 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: IAM VERY DISSAPOINTED
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Terry,

Who is the one? Tell who to stop writing me? I am very confused now, Mr. O'Bryant. Hear or confirm what funds? I am very confused.

Harry

Quote:

Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2005 21:06:14 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: WU SECURITY FORMS (Re: IAM VERY DISSAPOINTED)
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Why are you shouting at me? And what friend are you talking about?

I went to the Western Union office today, to send you the money. However, they said that the've had to increase security measures from that particular office, because of some problems with scammers. They gave me several documents for you to fill out. They told me that once you fill out the documents, return them to me. I'll then go to the office and they'll release the money. They said that they will not release the money until AFTER I present the documents to them.

I had to fill out my own documents today before they would even give me the documents for you to fill out.

There should be four (4) documents attached to this email: A Numerical Validation form, and a 3 page security form. Follow ALL instructions on the last document. I didn't follow the instructions, and they made me re-do it, because the security code was wrong. Fill out ALL forms, and return to me ASAP, so we can get this thing over with. Because I'm sure you're pretty sick of dealing with me, and I'm pretty sick of dealing with you. So, let's just get this thing over with and get on our merry way.

Harry

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: western union forms filled attached
Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2005 13:16:44 GMT

TELL YOUR NIGERIANS FRIEND TO LEAVE THIS TRANSACTION ALONE. I AM
NOT THAT CHEAP SO A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR A WISE. I SHALL NOT
ENTERTAIN THERE CALL AND MAIL ANYLONGER,
THANKS
YOURS FRIEND
TERRY

What the hell is he talking about? Note: The WU form is posted in the pictures section.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2005 18:00:34 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: western union forms filled attached
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Terry,

Thank you very much for sending the forms. It was very convenient to have them in the Word format, because it was easy to print it out. I noticed that you're missing the first two pages of the Security document. Could you please send that to me? I was going to bring the documents in to WU tomorrow, and I don't want them to reject them because two pages are missing.

I honestly have no idea whom you're speaking about. I am very confused. I do not know anyone who is Nigerian. Could you please tell me who this person is? I swear to you that I will tell no one, except to ask that person to stop bothering you. I understand that you're not supposed to tell anyone anything, and I respect that. I have told no one about these transactions, because very early on I promised full confidentiality to you. So, I have no idea who this Nigerian is whom you speak of. Also, why do you think this person knows me? Has he mentioned me specifically?

Please answer my questions, so that we can get to the bottom of this mystery, because I am very confused and do not know what's going on. And please send the other two pages of the Security document, so that I can send you the money.

Sincerely,

Harry Asse

Quote:

From: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>
To: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: this form is the last one/wu
Date: Tue, 01 Mar 2005 15:30:00 GMT

this form is the last one
terry

That's all so far. I'm waiting a couple of days before I contact him again, with some bad news, hehe.

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2005 6:57 pm

The story continues. Harry was unable to write Terry for several days, and explains why.

"Torgo" and "The Master" (also referenced in an earlier letter) are from the movie "Manos the Hands of Fate," probably one of the weirdest and worst movies ever made. It gained popularity when MST3K lampooned it, which was their funniest one ever.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 6 Mar 2005 10:47:14 -0800 (PST)
From: "Harold Asse" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: this form is the last one/wu
To: "terry obryant" <[email protected]>

Dear Terry,

I'm very sorry to respond so late, but I had to go out of town on an emergency. My Uncle Torgo was arrested, and I had to bail him out of jail. He is the caretaker for a ranch, with a very strange owner who has 5 wives. Apparently, the owner, or "The Master" as Uncle Torgo calls him, wanted a 6th wife. So, Uncle Torgo went online to one of those mail order brides websites, and ordered one. Anyways, the bride arrived fresh in a nice crate, and Uncle Torgo decided to "inspect" the wife before he presented it to The Master. However, she wasn't all that she appeared to be -- she had a penis!!! And honest to God penis!!!!! Disgusted, and slightly intrigued, Uncle Torgo ripped off the bride's penis, and ran off into the woods. The police arrested him, and I had to go to court to testify on Uncle Torgo's behalf. It was a horrible, nasty crime. Just the thought of ripping one's penis off makes me a little queasy.

What would you do in this situation? Would you have sent the bride back? Or, would you have done what Uncle Torgo did, and ripped off his/her penis, and ran off with it into the woods?

Anyways, I went to Western Union with the forms that you filled out, and they told me that the forms were missing a page. So, they made me fill them out again. And they said that you had to fill them out again, also. They gave me NEW forms to fill out, because apparently the ones I had here in the office are their old ones. So, please fill out ALL pages, and send me ALL pages. I am sending 5 pages -- 4 pages + Numerical Validation Form. Please send me back ALL 5 PAGES, or else WU will reject it again, and we'll have to go through this process again. Which is starting to irritate me, because I have better things to do than waste my time filling out forms at WU over and over again.

Sincerely,

Harry Asse

Guest

Good work
Received the same letter from, i think, a different mugu, that i am currently trying to bait...
gugs

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