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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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 Posted:
Thu Jun 14, 2018 7:39 am |
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I very rarely try for trophies as I never have much success but as I'm getting a bit bored with this Lad now I thought I'd give it a go, if only to waste a bit more of his time.
Mr Harold (Me) wrote.
| Quote: |
How are you this morning, well rested I hope? I'm sorry I have not replied until now but an earlier reply really would have made no difference to what I am about to convey now. My dear friend, the email you sent me at 18:14 was sent well after the banks close for the day so sending your next email at 00:27 asking for the payment slip was a bit of a waste of time on your part if I may say so. That said, I will of course make every effort to visit my bank in Southampton first thing this morning when it opens and get the €5,000 fee paid. However, there is one small thing I would ask you to do for me before I set off, and that is send me a photograph of yourself in front of a sign proving you are at Heathrow Airport also I would like you holding a copy of today's Sun newspaper for extra authenticity. I'm sorry to put you to this minor inconvenience but I'm sure that after the the lucky escape we had with the dastardly diplomat Adams you can see the need for all this extra security. Talking about the security aspect of our transaction I notice that your last two emails have not contained the the secret four digit number you said would accompany your emails, so due to this I think it would also be a good idea if you sent me an extra photograph of yourself holding a sign with that number on it. So my friend, just to be on the safe side I think I will wait until I receive the photographs before I go and pay the fee.
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The Lad has just replied to reasure me all will be well but only attached some cr**py ID card which will never do. Surely all the Lad needs to do is send the photos I have asked for taken at the airport he is at, holding a copy of today's Chicago Tribune instead of the Sun (UK newspaper). I mean, what could be easier?
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Your diplomatic agent Mr Charles The Lad writing you with the conduct code (removed due to the very secret nature of this transaction)
How are you doing this morning, hope you are fully OK and also slept well last night, thanks to God You Understood what I told you earlier, I emailed you twice without the code to see if you will ask me for the it, if I must say am really really pleased that you remembered to ask me for the code, but in the other hand am not in Heathrow Airport, I told you am in Chicago O'Hare International Airport, I will book a flight to Heathrow Airport when you pay the five thousand Euro this morning, then will contact you once I get there, do not worry nor panic about what Mr Adam's did repeating itself, nope it will never repeat itself and swearing and promising you on that, am here for you my Brother, I wrote to you twice without the code to see if you will ask me for the code like I told you, am really really happy that you did what I was expecting you to do, what I want you to do now is to to to your bank account address this morning and send the money to the bank details I gave to you yesterday, so I will book a flight to Heathrow airport as soon as the payment is confirmed, attached is my ID card, do not panic my brother I got you covered, and you will surely receive your money, am giving you my word and promise on that, do not fear at all you will receive your money, will be waiting for you to respond with the payment details, so I will book a flight to Heathrow airport immediately
Thanks, God bless you and your family my Brother |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
  A few    
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment.
Last edited by Mr Dapper on Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:26 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Thu Jun 14, 2018 4:32 pm |
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Just for the Hell of it Mr Harold wrote.
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| Thank you for your prompt reply and the copy of your ID card. I'm sorry for the mistake I made in regards to thinking you have been waiting at Heathrow all this while but I just naturally assumed that since you had taken over delivery of my cash consignment from that dirty thief diplomat Adams that is where you would be. However, that said, I did not ask for a copy of your ID card I asked you for other photographic evidence. The fact that you are at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport should make no difference to the request I have made. You can still send me the photographs it just means it will now be a photograph of you at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport and you can change the newspaper from a copy the Sun to today's Chicago Tribune, the secret code number will always be the same so you can take that anywhere but it would be much better if you took it with the airport visible behind you. I know you may think I am being over cautious but the problems we have faced with diplomat Adams shenanigans have really shaken me up. Try to get back to me as soon as you can with those photographs as this whole business has been dragging on for far longer than I would have liked. |
I have to say Charles The Lad was not very impressed by my request and replied with this. I can't see this going anywhere but I may be able to get a nice rant out of him.
| Quote: |
Hello Mr Harrold
I got your email and I fully understand the content of your email
Here is the conduct code (Removed again)
To tell you the fact am getting tired of your continuous questions which you have been asking me, I don't use a camera phone, and for the fact I rescued your cash consignment box from that imposter called Mr Adam's should at least make you believe that am here to help you receive your money, you telling me to so this do that shows that you don't believe me, have shown you my ID, it's now left for you to make the payment with the information I send to you so I will deliver your money to you, get back to me with the payment details so I will book a flight to your nearest airport, am. Here to help you my friend, am not happy with you for the questions you are asking me, if you want me to deliver your package to you, go and send the money to the details I sent to you so I will proceed to your house address immediately, if not stop contacting me because am not here to answer questions, that's not the reason why am here. Get back to me with the payment details so I will deliver your your money to you successfully |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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Thu Jun 14, 2018 5:17 pm |
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Just fired this off to Charles The Lad
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| Please Try to calm yourself my good man, I can understand your frustration but I find your rudeness towards me most upsetting and unnecessary. When have I ever said I do not trust or believe you? Was it not you that told me to be cautious? I am only following you instructions so I fail to see why you acting the way you are. Obviously I can see and appreciate the problem you face by not having a camera phone but I'm sure a man of your undoubted intelligence can find somebody at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport that would be willing to let you use their phone for a small fee, I will of course be happy to reimburse you once you arrive at my cottage. Surely the chaps at customs would let you use one of their phones just to get you out of their hair and on your way. I'm sure I can leave the niceties of sorting out this slight problem in your capable hands. Hurry up and get back to me with the photographs as I must say I'm getting a bit tired of all these unnecessary delays. |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Fri Jun 15, 2018 4:40 am |
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Charles The Lad was merely a little petulant and not nearly as rude as I would like.
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My dear friend Mr Harold
Conduct code (Removed)
Am not angry nor upset with you, because I can't force you to receive what's rightfully yours, you getting tired of this whole delay is in your hands for I know that have been sincere, truthful and honest with you from day one to now, I won't borrow any phone from anyone down here, have told you the fact, and you should be happy that am always here for you, so what am saying is that I won't borrow any phone from anyone, if you want to send the money you can send it and get your consignment box delivered to you, if you don't want to send it, then your consignment box will remain here so choose the one you wanna do, will be waiting for your urgent response
Thanks God bless you and have bless day |
Lets see if Mr Harold has better luck with this.
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| I'm sorry yet again for my late reply but Gummidge and Young Tom popped by and as it was such a lovely evening we all wandered down to the Weasel and Ferret for a couple pints and a nice game of dominoes. I have to say it's nice to know that your not angry or upset with me, I really would not want us to fall out over such a trivial matter. Anyway, all that's beside the point, what we need to sort out is this impasse regarding the photographs. I can't understand why you are being so difficult about it, after all I think it is in both our interests to make sure there is no chance that anything untoward happens and you providing those photographs just adds another level of security. I'm sure you can appreciate that I'm not asking for them just to be difficult but after what happened with diplomat Adams I really think we can not be too careful. However, that said, I still find you petulant behaviour rather worrying, why are you acting like a spoilt child saying things like "I won't borrow any phone from anyone down here, have told you the fact, and you should be happy that am always here for you, so what am saying is that I won't borrow any phone from anyone" Do you not realise how silly that sounds coming from a grown man? I can picture you stamping your feet as you throw your little tantrum. Now, what you need to do my friend is calm down, find somebody who will lend you a phone with a camera and send the damned photographs. |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Fri Jun 15, 2018 7:52 am |
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Damn! what's it going to take to make this lad react with a bit more venom?
Charles The Lad 08:01 this morning
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Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code (Removed)
To be honest with you I can see that you don't want to receive your money, if you continue asking me for the photographs I won't respond to you anymore, if you ask me for the pictures once more, I will take your consignment box back to our office or to Mr Adam's, if you want me to deliver your package to you, then go now and send the money to the bank details I forwarded to you, if you respond to me asking me for the photographs, I will take your money back, because that will make me realize the fact that you don't want to receive your money, have been nice with you but kept on forcing to be sounding like I am rude, reply to me with the payment details or forget about receiving your consignment box
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And again at 08:21
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Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code (Removed)
Am beginning to suspect that you are not the real owner of this money, because assuming you are, you won't be asking me for a picture, when you have some millions of US Dollars down here, am still contacting you because it's your name that's in the document I have here, if you ask me for the pictures again that will make you realize truly that you are not the real owner of this money, am giving you the ultimatum of Today and tomorrow to send the Five Thousand Euros, if you fail to do that say goodbye to your money then because have tried a lot for you, delivering your money to you is not the only job I was applied for, will be waiting to hear from you with the payment details and the receipt of the payment, so I will board a fly to Heathrow Airport, and deliver your cash consignment box to you
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I'm beginning to fear that It's looking more and more likely that Mr Harold will not be receiving his millions of US Dollars.  |
_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:40 am |
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Let's see if Mr Harold can waste a bit more of the Lads time (Mr Harold has plenty to waste).
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I'm not sure what you mean by your statement that you are beginning to suspect that I am not the real owner of this money, was it not diplomat Adams that contacted me in the first place about this compensation fund? and then you took over when diplomat Adams proved himself unworthy of our trust. Then, it was you that impressed on me the need for caution asking me to forward you any further emails I might receive from him or any associates he may have working with him. Also, was it not you that provided this four digit Conduct code for added security? So I fail to see why when I try to be extra careful about the transaction you start throwing your toys out of the pram and accuse me of not taking this whole business seriously. Anyway, now I've got that off my chest I think I have a way around the necessity of you sending any photographs, but I need you to assure me you are a good Christian before I divulge what the solution to our problem may be. Can you assure me of that in your next email my friend? because without that assurance I can't see any possible way that we can move forward. I'm offering the hand of reconciliation here, please don't bight it, I just thought one of us had to be the bigger man and in truth I really do not want to loose my millions of dollars over a couple of photographs.
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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sparky905
Baiting Guru
Joined: 25 Jul 2017
Posts: 2107
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Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:23 am |
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Maybe when the money comes in Mr Harold can buy the lad a phone with a camera? Maybe ask him for a customer satisfactions survey so you can make a suggestion that all company employees have phones with functioning cameras? |
_________________
X435  X2 🍰
              X157
 "Lucky"  X6
"George", "Dr. Egobia" Rev James Smith Lawson Dike
" I can sue anybody for deformation of character" scammer Fred Unuobia losing his patience with endless questions |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Fri Jun 15, 2018 3:32 pm |
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Well, I guess this is just another example of the hypocrisy of Lad world.
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Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code (Removed)
Of course you know already that the am a good Christian had it been am like Mr Adam's I would have planned with him and share your money with him, but as a child of God I said No to that, am swearing to you with my life that once you pay the fee and the payment is confirmed you will receive your money in your door step before the next 24 hours, am a child of God and I do place God above anything am doing, let me know when you will be sending the money on your next email, God bless you and have bless day
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Mr Harold can now divulge his solution to problem of the photographs and hopefully waste a bit more of Charles The Lads time.
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| Thank God you are still willing to correspond with me I was worried that after your last two emails you were going to cancel the delivery of my cash consignment. I am also relieved that you have told me you are a fine upstanding Christian, I always thought you were but I had to be sure before suggesting my idea on how we can overcome this breakdown in trust that we seem to have encountered by your continued refusal to provide the photographs I requested. My friend, this morning on my way back from buying my morning newspaper from the village corner shop I called in at the rectory and spoke to Father Fudgepole the village priest about the dilemma I was facing with this issue of trust you have thrust upon me. Well, Father Fudgepole suggested that I ask you if you were a good Christian and if you were ask you to contact him and swear to him by almighty God that you are a honest and upstanding man and promise you will deliver my cash consignment once I send the fee. Father Fudgepole assured me that no man of devious character would dare put his immortal soul in peril by lying to a man of God. Father Fudgepole said when you contact him he will furnish you with the churches Oath of Truth which will be binding in the eyes of God. Once you have replied with the Oath of Truth he will let me know. At that point I will know that I can trust you and the need for the photographs will not be required. However should you refuse to swear the churches Oath of Truth I will know that you are as bad as diplomat Adams and can not be trusted. Here is Father Fudgepole's email address (Email address removed) I hope you will do as Father Fudgepole suggests and we can put all of this unpleasantness behind us. Please let me know if you think this is something you will be prepared to do so that we can get this transaction back on track. |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Sat Jun 16, 2018 3:51 am |
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 Just logged on this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see Charles The Lad has actually emailed Father Fudgepole at 17:16 UK time yesterday.
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Hello dear Rev Father Fudgepole
I was told to contact you by Mr Harold, to swear and oath to you, so get back to me now, let me make the oath, will be waiting for your urgent response as soon as possible |
And then this to Mr Harold at 17:21
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Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code (Removed)
Have contacted Rev Father Fudgepole just like you wanted me to do, will be waiting for him to respond to my email to take the oath, but note that if both the oath and sending of the fee should last more than today and tomorrow, your chance of receiving your cash consignment box will be limited because I do not have much time to waste here anymore, so tell him to respond to my email so I will take the oath, waiting for your urgent response
Thanks and have a bless day |
Of course Charles The Lad has forgotten to add the secret conduct code to his email to Father Fudgepole and Mr Harold has warned Father Fudgepole not to respond to any email he may receive that does not contain it due to the threat that the dastardly diplomat Adams poses. I really hope that slight oversight on Charles part won't cause any unnecessary delays. |
_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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Sat Jun 16, 2018 4:26 am |
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Mr Harold is an early riser so has just seen Charles email and sent a reply.
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Thank you for your email and your willingness to take the Oath of Truth. Now that I know you are prepared to follow Father Fudgepoles instructions I will visit the church later this morning and take my part of the Oath and complete the necessary paperwork that makes everything official. I will of course cover the costs of the service for both of us which is £300 but I consider that a small price to pay if it will allow us to get this show back on the road so to speak. Hopefully Father Fudgepole will be in touch with you soon to explain what will be required from you. Stay strong my friend, I'm sure you will soon be on your way.
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Sat Jun 16, 2018 3:50 pm |
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More threats and petulance.
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Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code (Removed)
I got your email and understand it's content, you telling me to be strong is like been childish, because am more stronger than you in this transaction, like I said in my previous email, if the oath and the transfer of the money should last more than today, then forget about receiving your cash consignment box, someone down here is willing to pay for 10,000 Euro for me to hand your parcel to him, so he will be the one to receive it instead of you receiving it, so if you continue with your games after today just say bye bye to your money because I will hand it to him once he pay the 10,000 Euro, so what am saying is this, contact the Father let him respond to my email because if everything shouldn't be completed today, then you won't be receiving your money again |
Mr Harold replies.
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For goodness sake my good man what has gotten in to you? Why on earth have you taken such offence at my pleasant wish that you should stay strong? It was not meant to hurt your feelings and it was certainly not meant in any way as a question to your manliness. If it makes you feel better I am happy to say you are more of a man than I will ever be. Now that we have got your ruffled feathers out of the way I can let you know that I have just got back from visiting Father Fudgepole and I have completed my part of the Oath of Truth. I asked Father Fudgepole how you were getting on with your part and he told me he had not heard from you yet. When I told him you had sent me an email saying you had contacted him he said he had received an email claiming to be from you but it did not contain the secret Conduct code I had told him all emails from you should contain so he did not reply in case the email was from diplomat Adams. So, the question needs to be asked, did you make the silly mistake again of not sending the email with the Conduct code? if you did you only have yourself to blame for this further delay. I would suggest you send Father Fudgepole another email and this time do it right. However, after saying all that if you have some other poor bugger who is willing to put up with your constant mistakes and unnecessary delays and pay €10,000 for that pleasure, then go ahead and contact them, otherwise stop making stupid threats and get your part of the Oath of Truth completed so that we can get this transaction completed. Stay strong my friend.
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Sun Jun 17, 2018 5:29 am |
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Will this really be the last email from Charles The Lad?
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Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code(Removed)
I can see that you are not ready to receive this money, to tell you the fact am not even taking any oath again, I sent him an email since yesterday, and you are telling me that he didn't see the email I sent to him, do not email me back without the payment information because I won't respond to your email, am not threatening you, what am telling you here is the fact, reply to me without the payment information, you won't see any reply from me, I will realize that you ain't serious then. |
I'm not sure what Charles means by taking the oath again but Mr Harold will try to calm him down.
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| Explaining things more than once to you is becoming a little tedious my dear friend, please try your best to understand what I am about to tell you. I quite clearly told you yesterday that Father Fudgepole DID! receive an email from somebody claiming to be YOU! but it did NOT! contain the CONDUCT CODE! and for that reason Father Fudgepole ignored it because I had told him about diplomat Adams and the fact that you had said any emails from yourself should contain the CONDUCT CODE! or they should be ignored. I admit in my eagerness to get this transaction moving again I forgot to tell him you wanted any suspicious emails forwarded to you but that really is beside the point. The point is, are you now telling me you have NOT! sent Father Fudgepole another email (he hasn't) requesting the Oath of Truth? For Gods sake man, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? We have both spent so much time trying to get the matter of the fee resolved and are so close to doing it only a Fool would walk away now. I urge you to put your frustration at the delays aside and contact Father Fudgepole again, I am unable to do it for you as the Church has procedures and protocols that must be followed and the need for an official request from the supplicant (that would be you) for the Churches help is the first step. I have completed my part now it is up to you to complete yours and from there on everything will run smoothly. I hope you have understood what I have told you this time but if there is still uncertainty in your mind about anything just ask me nicely and don't go off into one of your petulant rants, which if I may say so seem to be happening a little to often for my liking. Stay strong. |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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Sun Jun 17, 2018 8:15 am |
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Nothing to Mr Harold but Father Fudgepole received this at 07:02 this morning. Unfortunately Sunday is a very busy day for a man of the cloth so a prompt reply will of course be out of the question.
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Conduct code (Removed)
Hello dear Rev Father Fudgepole
I am Mr Charles by name a delivery agent, I was told to contact you by Mr Harold, to swear an oath to you, so get back to me now, let me make the oath, will be waiting for your urgent response as soon as possible
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Sun Jun 17, 2018 2:05 pm |
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Oh dear!
| Quote: |
Conduct code (Removed)
You are not serious about receiving this money, good bye I have so many other important things to do with my time, am handling over your cash consignment box to another person, have had enough patient with you, since you fail to trust me and kept on playing your games, I have no other option than to hand over your cash consignment box to another person who is willing to pay for the delivery charge fee without playing a shitty games and delaying my time in the process, do not ever email me again except if you are ready to get this transaction completed just like I hoped in the first place (I bet you did), any further email I receive from you without the payment information will be forwarded to my outbox folder because I have come To The conclusion that you are not ready to receive your money, and who knows maybe this is what Mr Adam's saw that made him. Want to run away with your cash consignment box, do not email me back without the payment information Thanks |
Well, I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'm going to have to email you back you stroppy little sod.
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| For goodness sake man, why are you getting so angry with me? I come back from the Weasel and Ferret after enjoying a nice Sunday roast with Gummidge and Young Tom to find your inexplicable rant. Have you even contacted Father Fudgepole again about the Oath of Truth? I spoke to him after church this morning and he said he had not had time to check his emails today but he would do so as soon as he got back to the rectory but he had to visit a couple of elderly parishioners first. I'm sure the good Father will be in touch with you soon if you've emailed him with the Conduct code, just show a little more patience there's a good chap. We are so close to getting this transaction completed it would be a shame to throw all of our hard work away for the sake of a couple of hours. Stay strong my friend, I'm sure all will be well. |
Father Fudgepoles email is ready to go but I will give it half an hour or so. before I hit send. |
_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Sun Jun 17, 2018 3:07 pm |
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Father Fudgepole finally finds the time to reply.
| Quote: |
Salutations my son
How wonderful to hear from you, Harold spoke to me after church this morning and explained all about the mix up over what I know now to be your previous email. Let us thank the Lord that you heeded Harolds advice and emailed me again with the Conduct code this time. I say let us thank the Lord because Harold was rather concerned by your last email that you were about to call the delivery of his cash consignment off, in fact he told me you were quite rude about it in your last email and it upset him very much that you accused him of not being serious.
I have know Harold since he moved here some ten years ago with his late wife Mary and I can tell you he is one of the most honest and generous men you could ever wish to meet, so I think it would be a nice Christian gesture if you were to apologies to him for your harsh and undeserved words.
As for the Churches Oath of Truth that you wish to take I think you will find what you need to do will not be to demanding. Below I shall recite the Oath and you will merely need to write it out by your own hand, sign it and get it witnessed by a priest who must countersign it.
You can then either post it back to me via normal mail to, Father [removed] Fudgepole, The Church of Saint Dismas, Brockenhurst, Hampshire, England. Or, as I know you are in a hurry to deliver Harolds cash consignment you can scan and attach the completed hand written Oath of Truth back to my email address.
I shall then place it upon the stone sarcophagus containing the Blessed Pizzle of the Mount of Saint Dismas for the 240 hours ordained by the Elders of the church, after which time should the stone of the sarcophagus remain it's natural colour I will inform Harold that you are a man to be trusted.
I hope I have explained everything to your satisfaction but should you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me.
Below in red is the sacred Oath of Truth you are to submit as instructed. When you write it out by your own hand you will need to put your full name in the space indicated.
Oath of Truth
I (insert full name here) swear by almighty God and the Blessed Pizzle of the Mount of Saint Dismas that I (insert full name here) am a man of unquestionable good character and honesty. May I be consigned to the fiery pits of hell should I bear false witness to my fellow man.
May the Blessed Pizzle of the Mount of Saint Dimas be within you always.
Gods blessings
Father [removed] Fudgepole |
If that lot of nonsense doesn't see the end of this bait I don't know what will. |
_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Sun Jun 17, 2018 7:22 pm |
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Charles is a stubborn little devil.
| Quote: |
Greetings Dear Rev Father [removed] Fungepole
Conduct code [removed]
I hereby receive the email and it contents which you sent to me
First of all let me start by saying this, am a very sincere, honest and humble man, it does pain me whenever I find out that someone I trusted is finding it difficult to believe in me, well what am trying to say here is that am not writing anything nor scanning anything and send to you, the oath of truth which you sent to me, I will fill it up and send it back to you, then you can now place it wherever you want to place it, that same hand I will use in writing on the paper which am going to scan and send to you is the same hand am using to write to you now, and again I won't give out my signature out to you or either to Mr Harold, since he is finding it hard to believe me, am also beginning to find it difficult that he is the actual owner of the consignment box, with due respect I know you are a Rev Father, hope you understood everything I just said here?? If it's sounds insulting or irritating to you, sorry for that, but the fact remains clear, am not writing my signature out to you or to Mr Harold
Here is the oath of truth which am going to take
Oath of Truth
I (Mr Charles [removed] Jnr) swear by almighty God and the Blessed Pizzle of the Mount of Saint Dismas that I (Mr Charles [removed] Jnr) am a man of unquestionable good character and honesty. May I be consigned to the fiery pits of hell should I bear false witness to my fellow man.
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Father Fudgepole replies.
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Salutations my son
Thank you for your prompt reply but I am a little puzzled as to why you you are refusing to complete the Oath of Truth in the prescribed manner. Can you please explain what it is you find about the process that is causing you concern and perhaps that will help us find a way around it.
I have to say in all my years as a priest I have never encountered this problem and I have to say I am not quite sure what the correct procedure is for dealing with the problem you have posed me. I have had people that have refused outright to swear the Oath of Truth but never somebody that is willing to swear the Oath but will not do it in the manner the church demands.
I think the best thing I can do is await your reply expressing your concerns and then pass it on to the Sanctuary where perhaps the Elders may be able to consult the Oracle on how I should proceed. This of course will take some time as the Elders I'm sure have far more important matters that need their attention.
It would I think be advantageous for all concerned if you could put aside whatever irrational fears you have about completing the swearing of the Oath in the prescribed manner. I assure you there is nothing to fear or loose my son and everything as far as you are concerned to gain. Please get back to me with your decision as to which path you wish to take. |
I hope Charles takes the Oracle path as I jet of on holiday for just over a week tomorrow and was hoping if the bait continued to have his hand written Oath of Truth sitting on top of the Blessed Pizzles sarcopagus for the next 240 hours.
ETA
Hot off the press.
| Quote: |
Dear Rev Father
Conduct code [removed]
In response to your email, am not afraid nor scared of anything, but am severely in pain that Mr Harold don't believe in me, am letting you know that have taken the oath in the manner I wish to, Mr Harold has done its own part so am Doing my own part here, have taken my own oath of truth, so it's left for you to either accept it or reject it,
Let me know your say on this, did you accept my oath of trust, Yes or No, please get back to me now because I don't have much time to waste, will be waiting for you urgent response as soon as possible
Thanks |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Sun Jun 17, 2018 8:31 pm |
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| Quote: |
Salutations my son
Thank you once again for your prompt reply, I have read through what you have to say about the Oath of Truth and I have to say that quite frankly I am shocked by the flippant manner in which you seem to be treating this most serious matter. I'm afraid you can't just do your bit as you put it in the manner you wish, there are higher powers than us involved here. I don't think you quite appreciate what is at stake should all the correct protocols not be followed. I certainly do not have the authority to give you a Yes or No answer, may I remind you that it was you that approached the church requesting the Oath of Truth and it is your immortal soul that is now in peril due to your foolish pride, which I may add is a sin in the eyes of the Lord. You leave me no alternative but to consult the Elders about this as I am almost lost for words at your rudeness. Until I receive their guidance regarding this matter I am afraid neither I or Harold will converse with you further. I shall email Harold and instruct him along those lines, perhaps when I receive word from the Elders and I can not emphasize that PERHAPS strongly enough, Harold will once again be permitted by the church to contact you again. I hope you take some time to reflect on your actions in the meantime and work on what I can only describe as your less than likeable personality.
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That should solve my holiday problem if Charles wishes to continue. |
_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:27 am |
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| Quote: |
Hello Rev Father Fudgepole
Conduct code [removed]
The matter is between me and Mr Harold, have taken my own part of the oath of life, will be waiting for Mr Harold to contact me, if he do not contact me then I will realize he is not ready and worthy to receive the consignment box |
unfortunately neither Mr Harold or the good reverend will be contacting you for the next 10 days, but after that who knows what the Elders may allow?
PS. What on earth is an Oath of Life?
And this was waiting for Mr Harold.
| Quote: |
Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code [removed]
For your information I just contacted Rev Father [removed] fugepole and have sworn to the oath of truth which he sent to me
But in other words am not writing anything on a paper since you are finding it hard to believe in me then it doesn't make sense for me to sign my signature and then send it to Rev Father, have sworn to him the way I want and the way I feel it's right to do that, so everything is on your hands now if you want the transaction to be completed then it will be completed if you don't want it to be completed, then it will remain the same |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Thu Jun 28, 2018 3:51 pm |
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After fighting off those damned do gooders who kept trying to roll me back into the sea over the last week or so I thought I would be nice to give Charles a little poke.
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| Are you still at O'Hare International Airport Chicago? I have some wonderful news for you. |
A few hours later a seemingly less than enthusiastic Charles replies.
| Quote: |
| Yes am still there, what's the wonderful news |
I'm pretty sure Charles will refuse to do as I ask but I'll give it a try.
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Charles, how wonderful to hear from you, I was a little worried that you may have given up on me after the delay the Oath of Truth was causing us. I would also like to commend you on your dogged determination toward getting my cash consignment to me, you can't begin to imagine how relieved I was to hear that you were still mooching around O'Hare International Airport, I would think you are beginning to get some strange looks from the security people there by now. Anyways, I suppose you are eager to be on your way here and to that ends I have to convey that Father Fudgepole has received word back from the Elders that after consulting the Oracle they will on this rare occasion allow your submitted Oath of Truth. There were a couple of conditions though, the first was that I donate 40% of the $12,500,000 to the church, which I am happy to do if that is what it will take to get this transaction back on track. The second condition is that you make a full, unreserved and heartfelt apology to Father Fudgepole for your churlish and uncalled for behaviour in your dealings with him. Can you do that so that I can get this damned €5,000 to you? As I have already said, I'm happy to do my part if it will help us overcome the impasse you have caused by not completing the Oath of Truth in the prescribed manner. Stay strong and get back to me as soon as you can. |
ETA
17:36 to Mr Harold 
| Quote: |
Conduct code [removed]
Have done that already Mr Harold, when are you sending the delivery charge fee and also let me know when you are about to send it, will be waiting for your urgent response as soon as possible |
"True to his word" 17:34 to Father Fudgepole.
| Quote: |
Hello Rev Father Fudgepole
Conduct code [removed]
Am sorry for the way I responded to you, do find a place in your heart to forgive me, am very sorry for the way and manner I responded to you
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Father Fudgepole replies but Mr Harold won't see his email until tomorrow.
| Quote: |
Salutations my son
Thank you for your apology, I know it could not have been an easy thing for you to do given your stubborn nature. However, you have done what was requested of you on this occasion and I shall inform Harold that you understand what a fool you have been and he is now free to reconvene his business with you should he so wish.
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Fri Jun 29, 2018 4:44 am |
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Mr Harold being an early riser sends Charles a reply in the hope of wasting a little more of his time.
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| How are you this morning, looking forward to finally getting this blasted fee paid I bet? In answer to you question, I have a doctors appointment this morning but I should be able to pop into Southampton and get the €5,000 to you this afternoon. We do however have one more slight problem and that is I seem to inadvertently deleted some of our earlier emails and can not find the one with the bank account details you sent me. I know at the time I wrote the details down on the back of either a copy of Asian Babes or Razzel but I think I may have used that copy to line Fleabags litter tray when I didn't have any newspaper. So if you could resend me the account details that would be wonderful. I shall be setting off for the surgery in the village at about 10:00 so if you get back to me before then I can get the first available bus into Southampton straight after my appointment. Hope to hear from you soon, stay strong. |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Fri Jun 29, 2018 4:44 pm |
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Charles has been more than helpful and actually supplied me with a nice new piggy (Account reported). 
| Quote: |
Hello Mr Harold
Conduct code [removed]
Am doing good how about you and your family, hope everyone is doing pretty as well?? If yes thanks be to God, It's alright I got your previous email saying you lost the details which was given to you before by me, it's okay I will send you our cashier account details so you can wire the money to him, remember I will book a flight to Heathrow Airport as soon as the payment you sent is confirmed below is the details where to send the delivery charge fee
Bank name ,Gate city bank
Bank account, [removed]
Routine, [removed]
Account name [removed]
Bank address, 3909 13th Avenue south,fargo ND
58103
Attach me the payment information here once you send the funds, will be waiting for your urgent response with the payment receipt here, Thanks
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Mon Jul 02, 2018 8:16 am |
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Mr Harold sends his reply.
| Quote: |
Charles old chap, how are you today, fine and dandy I hope? I'm so sorry I have not been in touch with you since my last email but not long after I sent it I lost my Internet connection and the engineers have only just left after repairing the fault, it would appear that the cable running along Doggers Lane had been nibbled through by squirrel's or something. Anyway, I'm back on line now and have only just been able to access the account details you sent me. Please be assured that I shall pop straight out once you let me know you are still waiting at O'Hare International Airport. I'm sure you can appreciate that I don't want to waste my time getting the bus all the way into Southampton to send the €5,000 if you are no longer able to deliver my cash consignment because you have other things to do. Get back to me as soon as you can.
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Mon Jul 02, 2018 2:17 pm |
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Charles finally sends a reply at 14:29
| Quote: |
Conduct code [removed]
Hello Mr Harold
Am still at O'Hare Airport, will be waiting for your urgent response
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Mr Harold fancies a rant.
| Quote: |
| What have you been doing for Christs sake? I sent my email to you at 09:17 this morning, I know you are in the USA and there is a bit of a time difference but I do expect a bit more commitment to this transaction on your part. Do you think I have nothing better to do with my time? I'm beginning to get the feeling you are not really serious about getting my cash consignment to me and I am beginning to get a bit tired of your slovenly attitude towards this whole business. It's now well past 15:00 so I hope you don't expect me to rush off to catch the bus into Southampton and try to get to my bank before it closes today, because if you do you are sorely mistaken. All you have done so far is bumble around causing problems for me so if you can't get your act together I think it's time to call it a day as far as this transaction is concerned. Lets see if you can get back to me a bit more promptly this time with a reassurance that you will try to do better in future. |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Tue Jul 03, 2018 11:47 am |
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Sadly Mr Harold has heard nothing from Charles since his rant. Hopefully Charles is just being his stubborn self and is refusing to answer more promptly because he was told to.
Mr Harold ever the voice of reason.
| Quote: |
Charles me old cock sparrow, why haven't you got back to me? I hope your not sulking like some petulant child just because I was a little harsh in the way I addressed you in my last email? Come now, we are both adults and should be able to overcome any minor disagreements we have about the way this whole business is progressing. Lets face it, if we are ever to get this cash consignment delivered you are going to have to man up a bit, after all did you not say when you got one of your strops on that you were stronger than me. Well, I think you should live up to that statement and prove it instead of skulking off like some pussy with your tail between your legs. Looking forward to hearing from you so that we can get this delivery back on track. Stay strong and be the man you claim you are. |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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Mr Dapper
Elite Baiter
Joined: 30 Apr 2017
Posts: 1055
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| Posted:
Fri Jul 06, 2018 8:25 am |
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Not a peep from Charles so I think he may have gone for good  , however Mr Harold has been forced to give it one more try.
| Quote: |
Charles, how are you on this wonderful morning? I had intend on not emailing you again if I did not hear from you because I was ashamed by the way I addressed you in my last email and do not blame you for your silence, but through my thoughtless act I now seem to have put myself in a bit of a pickle with the Elders of my church. I have just received a visit from Father Fudgepole where he explained he had received an email from the Sanctuary expressing the concerns of the Elders as to why they have not received news of the $5,000,000 donation to the church they are expecting. So to my eternal shame I lied to Father Fudgepole and made up some story that you had been delayed by a family crisis but you would be on your way soon. As I'm sure you can appreciate I don't want to have to tell them I have failed them by being so rude to you and that you seem to no longer want to deliver the cash consignment. Lets face it no man wants to look a fool in front of his betters, and I have to admit I have been a fool by being so rude to you my dear friend. Yes that's right I called you my dear friend, I know we have had our differences and have fallen out once or twice but I have come to think of you as a friend and sometimes friends do fall out but they also make up again. So let us make up, please if you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, I swear I will do all in my power to make sure the transaction runs as it should. I know you are a good Christian man at heart and would not want to see all the good the money could do once it is in the churches hands go to waste. So, once again, please please give me a chance to prove to you I am a man of my word.
Yours in hope
Harold [Surname removed] |
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_________________
The last word is mine.
A few
"Animal of your type" - Suggestions accepted
"Please go and hit your penis on the wall or you look for your kind i don't have time for big choppers." - Ouch!
"We give the rules here not you sir." - Of course you do laddie.
"We have never had to deal with a client like you." - Thanks for the compliment. |
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