"Elder Joseph" another chucrh convert? Maybe

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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:22 pm

Maybe just maybe we can get a convert out of this guy

Our idiot

Quote:

Hello,Your Approved funds

In line with long and over due payment as approved, You are directed to forward immediately your full names and address because your funds is now ready to be released. It is going to be by cash,ATM card, online payment or cashier's check as you may wish. We are going to work in conosance with banks in your country to complete this payment. Please send your phone numbers for easy communication when replying so that it will be easier for the courier services upon arriving in your country.

Thanks and God bless

Josson

Quote:

Elder Joseph,

Blessed be the Holy Lamb. I appreciate your reaching out but your email does fill me with some concern.
Our Church does not do business with strangers. It is against our Internal Rules and against our Faith.
First of all, do I ask you to tell me honestly where you got this email address?
Please be honest and do not try to lie to me by saying that you found the address in an internet database.
My address is not posted on the internet and I only gave it to our close collaborators.

The only possibility would be for you to be in contact with our former Bishop in Nigeria, Reverend Father Obi John (or his assistant, Reverend Father Onuoha).
They have cheated our expectations and, after receiving the first $ 450,000 payment of the approved budget for the construction of the new Cathedral in Lagos, they have disappeared with money and have not longer responded to our messages.

So, can you tell more about all of this things?
Be blessed my brother, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!

---
Be blessed,
Brother Jos"Lenny" son

our idiot

Quote:

Thank you very much my holy one and i will get back to you tomorrow morning

Josson

Quote:

I look forward to your explanation and clarification

Our idiot

Quote:

So happy to hear from you again and i must be sincere with you i am from Nigeria and the same region with the Bishop therefore never will i tell you lies because on money. that will be a curse to me. Not that said funds is large but i want to transfer it outside the country and am very happy to do it with church.

The transaction is purely genuine and real therefore what i need from you is the information to enable the bank process the ATM card for onward shipment. You will be glad to do business with me at the end of it.

Thanks and May Our Almighty God be with you.

Josson

Quote:

Elder Joseph,
Blessed be the Holy Lamb. I am so glad to hear that you are willing to conduct our business within the construct of the rules of our church. Our primary rule for secular dealings is that you must be a member in order to conduct any type of business transaction. I am still troubled by the fact that you did not tell me who you receive my email from but no matter, that will be discussed as part of the membership process. I will be able to share all my salient details with you once your membership is blessed by the Church Elders on behalf of the Holy Lamb. I have copied Father Eufrose so he knows to expect your communique but you must reach out on your own volition and ask to become a member. Please email him here <snipped>
There are a few forms to fill out and a brief ceremony to be conducted but I am confident this will be very easy for you.
As a Church Elder this process will be merely a formality once your credentials are blessed by the Holy Lamb.
Brother Josson

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:26 pm

Calling him an idiot and I had to look up the word conosance Embarassed

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 1:01 pm

I'm here and I'm waiting. Laughing

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 2:01 pm

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 2:28 pm

We have someone else evangelizing for MUIE? What joy! I need to start sending out my ASEMs again.

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:34 pm

Birlic we got him. You're on Twisted Evil

from our idiot

Quote:

Your mail received with joy ad i assure you that as far as i am concern everything about this transaction will be okay. Please can you send me the forms to fill?

No I can not....but Father E can > Smile

Quote:

Elder Joseph,

I am delighted to hear that you wish to proceed.

The Holy Lamb will bless our transaction. I do not have the forms but I am copying your request to Father Eufros in this email.

I know nothing of the membership forms as it has been a great many years since I have gone through the process. I am here for any questions you may have but Father Eufros will get the ball roling with regard to the membership forms and requirements.

Brother Jossons

My first proselytization...is there a siggy icon for your first "convort" > Smile

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:41 pm

I like where this is going. At some point, somebody needs to make a MUIE website to show our lads. That would be awesome. I think TWAT has one.

Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:03 am

^You can build a free website on Wix.com or Webs.com. The free sites are restricted to a sub domain (www.muiechurch.webs.com, for example). If you want to spend $10-15 a year for a domain name (like www.MUIEChurch.com), you can point that domain to the free website with masking (so the lads won't see the subdomain). There are tons of website templates to choose from, and you don the need any geeky skills to do it. I would be happy to help if you guys want a website for the church. I don't have your mad baiting skills, but I can build websites. PM me if you are interested. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Looks promising!

Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 7:16 am

^WRT the website - the main page should be in Romanian and there should be an English version written by someone with a less than perfect grasp of the language. I'd be happy to help with that part.

Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 7:34 am

^^^ Thanks for all the good intentions, but the site already exists!
It is used in all of our stories. I did not publish here the web page address for "google search engine" reasons, but the Church is open to anyone who wants to try a similar story.

08.33 - From the "official" church email-address, father Nektarie (the secretary of the Church) wrote to "brother" Josephus and to Mr. Elder Joseph:

Quote:

Sons, be blessed!
His Excellency, Cardinal Euphrosie, told me to deal with this problem.

Brother Josephus was very eloquent, so His Excellency is convinced that Mr. Elder Joseph may become a proud member of our community.
We have some difficulties with our church servers (cyber attacks), so I recommend using personal email addresses for a while.
- My personal email address is: <snip>
- Address of Cardinal Euphrosie: <snip>

In short, I will be delighted to give my full support to elder Joseph (as our future Local Reverend).
There are just a few formalities that need to be fulfilled.
Mr. Elder Joseph, I await your confirmation so that we can move on with the accession process.
---

Be blessed,
father Nektarie
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Secretary Mhaireannach Uain Ivanthoir Eaglais - M.U.I.E.

====================

- Few hours later, our idiot (Mr. Elder Laughing

) wrote to secretary Nektarie:

Quote:

Thank you once again and remain blessed in the mane of Jesus. I did not see the form to fill so that we can proceed. I have seen the church website and i am glad with it. So let me have the forms.

- Father Nektarie's answer:

Quote:

Holy Lamb will bless your soul, Elder Joseph!
Firstly you have to know that you have great protectors in our Holy Church.
Our venerable brother, Reverend-Father Josephus already talked very nice about you with our church leader His Excellence Cardinal Euphrosie.

So, once again, please let me introduce myself properly.
- I'm father Nektarie and my position in M.U.I.E. church hierarchy is General Secretary.
- My duty is to take care of all documents out of the church and to check that all important documents are in order and well prepared.
- I am a practical man and do not like to talk too much.
- Please keep in mind all these aspects in your communication with me.

Ok, let's start the discussion regarding your registration as a member of M.U.I.E. community. His Excellence, our venerable Cardinal Euphrosie, God bless Him, he asked me for to you to apply the most simple admission procedure. So, regulation of our Church requires some steps, necessary and compulsory, for each new regular member of our Faith:

The first stage: "Your Faith - Presentation".

1) You have to fulfil a simple form of "Adhesion" to our MUIE Church:
- It is a standardized document, which I will send it to you attached to this message.
- Should be completed in capital letters (uppercase), in English (with blue ink). Scan back to me.

2) You have to answer to some questions about our Holy Faith:
- Which's your prefered chapter in the Holy Book?
- Who's your favorite Saint personality of our Faith?
- Which is your favorite prayer. Why?

3) You have to send me your personal "Proof of Faith" photo-confession.
- Is just a personal picture that will confess your Faith in the sacred Holy Lamb (our M.U.I.E. church patron).
- Must be accompanied by "the sacred words of the Faith", printed on a large paper / cardboard.
- The photo must be done outside in sunlight. This requirement is related to some religious aspects of our Faith, but still not appropriate to go into such details now.
- For compliance I ask you to look on the church website, where you can see various pictures of other members of our church (from M.U.I.E. community which is pastored by Bishop Adamma in Tete).
- I'll send you our "sacred words of the Faith", that you can print it directly.

When you have everything ready, I expect a message from you.

Be blessed,
father Nektarie - Church Secretary

12.21 - Mr. Idiot, to father Nektarie:

Quote:

Your mail was received with the form to fill and i am very happy, I will print it fill and scan back you.

God bless you once more

Elder Joseph

- Father Nektarie:

Quote:

Brother Elder, do not rush!
- I'm waiting for the completed form correctly... if there are things that you do not understand, please tell me.
- I'm waiting for you to answers to the questions about the Bible.
- I'm waiting for the photo that "confesses" your Faith in the Holy Lamb.

Be blessed,

father Nektarie

Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 1:36 pm

My default straight-baiting character is an old reverend in the Anglican Church

I'm always impressed with how quickly you can get these church baits off the ground

My good reverend may have to change churches Smile

Good luck with this one!

Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2018 1:28 pm

A little poke

Quote:

Elder Joseph,

I just wanted to check in with you. I understand Father Nectaie has gotten you the membership paper works? Do you have any questions? As I said it has been many years since I became a member of this great Church but I am here for some guidance if needed.
How is your progress?

Brother Josson

Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:11 pm

Elder Joseph replied

Quote:

I will get back to you tomorrow after filling the form

Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 2:57 pm

A poke this morning from Josson

Quote:

Brother Elder,

Tomorrow has come and gone a few days ago. I was on spiritual retreat this weekend and just heard from Father Nectarie that you have not completed the beginning of the process? Are you in need of some guidance?

Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 5:41 pm

At the first hours of the day, father Nektarie wrote to our moron (brother Josephus is in BCC):

Quote:

Good morning son!

Let me confess I'm sad and severely disappointed. So many days of silence?
His Excellency Cardinal Euphrosie wondered if you started admissions and I had to say no. I was so ashamed!
This behavior betrays that you are not yet ready for the great honor of becoming our Local Reverend there.

Be blessed,
father Nektarie

Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2018 1:09 pm

Quote:

Elder Joseph,

I hope this email finds you well? I am a bit shocked that we have not heard back from you. Are you in need of some guidance on the forms? Are you simply involved in some deep spiritual meditation?

Brother Jos

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