| Author |
Message |
Astarte
Not quite a Newb
Joined: 02 Oct 2017
Posts: 59
Location: Workin' the mines
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 Posted:
Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:29 pm |
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You may know my two California bro characters from this thread: https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=290505
They are a couple of real chill bros attending college in Southern California (inspired by Saturday Night Live's "Inside SoCal" sketch, as well as some real, equally bro-some though far less dumb  people in my own life) who are trying to start a totally chill lifestyle brand together!
Anyway, on Dec 11 2017, one of them got an email from a girl.... 
| Quote: |
My Dearest,
How is everything over there in your country and the day, I think you are having a good time and that the atmosphere over there in your country is very nice today? Mine is a bit hot over here in Dakar, Senegal.
My name is , I am (23 years) but it does not matter in a real relationship, I am comfortable with your age, I am from Sudan in Africa, 5.6ft tall, chocolate in complexion, very attractive, (Never married) and presently I am residing here in Dakar Senegal as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country some years ago. My hobbies include tennis, swimming, reading and homemaker.
My late father Dr. was the CEO of in Khartoum (capital of Sudan, my country) before the . (#First Date Icebreakers)
It is only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to near by country Senegal where I am now leaving a refugee under Reverend father's care and I am using his computer to send these messages to you.
I would like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are currently doing. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Attached here is my picture.
Hoping to hear from you soonest
Yours forever,
Amelia
|
Bret responded. This is what followed......
Amelia:
| Quote: |
Really your mail gives me joy and happiness as I always like and wishes to have a honest, hardworking, trust worthy, understanding and a friend of vision by my side.
Please listen to this for it's my top life secret, I have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which I will send to you latter (#First Date Activities), because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in which he used my name as the next of kin,the amount in question is $3.7 (Three Million Seven Hundred Thousand US Dollars).
And I want you to help me transfer this money to your account as I have made attempt for the release and withdrawal of the money but the bank told me to look for a reliable foreign partner who will stand on my behalf and the money will be transferred to his or her account just because of my refugee status here. After the transfer then you will send some part of the money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come to your country to start up new life while you will help me to invest the money in any reliable business which you know that will yield us profit at the end of the day and buy a house for me where I and you will live if you wishes ok. (Oo! Move in together? After the second email?  )
Please I will like you to keep all this information to yourself only and don't tell it to anyone for I am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it ok.
Please I don't need your account number nor money but all I need is your sincerity and trust worthy over this matter and assurance that you will not disappoint me. I will forward you the bank contact where my late father deposited the money $3,7 million and then you will contact them for confirmation and clarification of all I told you and then the bank will tell us how and when the total money will be transferred to your account on my behalf.
Thanks and I wait for your mail soonest ok.
Amelia ,
Reply |
Bret:
| Quote: |
Daymn, gurl! Congrats! I mean, 'totes sorry for your loss, I'd be hella sad if I lost my dad, but congrats on the money!
Hey, I know we just met and this is a little forward, but my best friend and I are actually starting a business, if you want to invest in that--it's gonna be the chillest lifestyle brand. Like, don't just invest in that, also to the bitcoin and 401k thing or whatever rich people do with their money too, but yeah. We think it's gonna be really cool, if you're down. |
Amelia:
| Quote: |
You are just so nice and caring and l am very happy to have someone like you in my life. I must confess to you that you have really brought a great joy and happiness into my life even though I am not yet with you,thanks.
I am really writing to thank you for your understanding, effort and concern to save me from this situation that i am into. My God must bless you. please I want you to do anything within your power to save me from this situation that i am into, this refugee camp is just like hell.
I want to let you know that i am taking you seriously as my only brother, father and husband and since i came to know you, I have no doubt about you, i have all my trust and hope on you, look before I come to the site where I found you i pray to God to give me somebody that will be reliable and trustworthy, I believe you are not going to let me down at the end of the day.
Please I have not told anyone except you about the existence of this money and l will like you to please keep it secret to other people because since it is (MONEY) all eyes will be on it. Remember I trust you that is why I am giving you all this information's, I will like you to call me,just call the Reverend and tell him that you want to speak with me and he will send for me immediately. You can call our Reverend father and ask him the best time to call me.
I have informed the bank about my plans to claim this money and the only thing they told me is to look for a foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status and the laws of this country.
You will have 20% of the total money for helping me and the remaining money will be managed by you in any business of your choice. In this regards I will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information,telling them that you are my foreign partner and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting me transfer my 3.7 million dollars deposited by my late father of which I am the next of kin to your account in your country. The contact information of the bank are as follows,
[Info]
Information about the deposit code are as follows.
Name of depositor:
Nationality: Sudan
Next of kin :
Amount deposited: $3.7million
Account Number:
[Blah blah blah, bureaucracy stuff...]
My dear i am a bit relieved that God has brought you to see me out from this situation and i promise to be kind and will equally need you in every area of my life plus investing this money since l may not manage it well. (sounds...needy  ) As I told you before,this camp is just like a prison and my prayers is to move out from here as soon as possible.
Please make sure that you contact the bank so that after the transfer you can send some money from that money for me to prepare my traveling documents to meet with you in your country where I can have my freedom and peace of mind, in the meantime I will be expecting to hear from you soon.
Remember the Rev. Phone number: [number]
Until then have a nice time and always think about me
Love and trust,
Yours Lovely,
Amelia
My love this is the letter you will send to the bank as soon as you receive my mail with there Email address thus [email]
[A formal message to copy/paste and send to "the bank"]
|
Bret:
| Quote: |
You got it, my beautiful princess! I'll do that today 😘
In the mean time, do you have any girl friends at your refugee camp who are good at drawing or ethnic-y crafts? 'Cus I can hook them up: for the lifestyle brand I'm starting with my best friend Chet, we wanna sell some ethnic-y crafts made by artisans in poor countries to help local economies and celebrate culture, and also we want to make T-shirt designs, but me and Chat can't draw, so we need people to do that 😛
Yeah. We can give them $1000 per T-shirt design, and $1000 if they mail us a sample of one of their ethinc-y crafts. So...that's some mad stacks for them, yo!
...Oh--and if you can draw or make crafts, I'll give you the $1000 for it, too: doesn't matter that we're...friends 😜 tehe
Later!
Bret
(Please send me art trophies! A thousand is a lot of dollars, yo!  ) |
I sent copy/pasted the message to "the bank." An account belonging to "" responded:
| Quote: |
Sir ,
I have been directed by the director of Foreign Operation/Wire Transfer to write you in respect to your mail which we have received.
Actually, we have earlier been told about you by the young lady Miss Amelia , that she wishes you to be her trustee/representative for the claim of her late father's deposit with our bank.
Dr is our late customer with substantial amount of money He deposited with us. Hence you have been really appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin.
However before our bank will not transact any business concerning the transfer of the Fund with you, we will like you to send the following documents to our bank:
1. A power of attorney permitting you to claim and transfer the fund to your bank account on her behalf. This document must be endorsed by a Senegalese resident lawyer.
2.The death certificate of (Her deceased father) confirming the death.
3. A copy of certificate of deposit issued to her late father by our bank.
4. An affidavit of oath from the Senegalese high court.
(You want me to do 4 different thing? Aw heeeeeell no, I ain't doing all that  )
Note that the above are compulsory, and are needed to protect our interest,yours, the next of kin Miss after the claims.
We hope that you will understand that our request for the above documents and information are part of our security protocols to avoid fraudulent claims or an unwarranted taking advantage of his absence by some individuals or some other distant relations who might have had access to his privacy.
These shall also ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund is made. We promise to give our customers the best of our services. Should you have any question(s),
please contact our Manger ,
[contact info]
Yours Faithfully,
(Wait--who?? )
(For Accounts Dept).
(Best of all, the entire email was highlighted in yellow! ) |
I took one look at that and thought, “nope! Gurl, ya too high maintenance for my boy Bret.” I decided to move on to other stuff.
But Amelia was a lady on a mission...
Amelia:
| Quote: |
my dear,
Thanks for your mail and your effort toward the success of this transfer.
how are you doing today,hope nice? honestly i really appreciate your support and concern toward me and i pray that God will reward you. Thanks for contacting the bank, please i want to know if you have heard from them since you contacted them.
Once again am counting on your ability to help me out of this painful situation that i find my self today.
Please dear, don't forget to let me know when you hear from the bank ok, so as to know the next step to be taken.
waiting for your mail soonest
Your beloved
Amelia, |
Bret:
| Quote: |
| Yeah... apparently I need your dad's death certificate, and I don't have that? 😕 (Yeah, I'm the one who's supposed to make you guys jump through a million hoops, not the other way round ) |
| Quote: |
| In the mean time before we get all the weird stuff they need together, have you found any people at you place that would be interested in doing some crafts and/or t-shirt designs for us for $1000? |
Amelia:
| Quote: |
Subject: my dear the attached there is my father death certificate,
my dear i will like you to forward the mail you receive from the bank to me.
please in your question about any girl in refugee camp , i have look for that i couldn't see any one here , (c'mon, a thousand is a lot dollars  )
|
Bret:
| Quote: |
| Well, how are you at drawing? 'Cus both me and Chet suuuuuck So yeah - if you can even sorta draw, or know anyone who can, that'd be totes helpful. And I think $1000 would totally help tide you over and buy refugee supplies and stuff until you can get to you dad's cash. 'Cus that process is so lawyer-y and loooooooooong and I think I'd totally die if I was on your end of that bureaucratic fucktacular so mad props to you for not dying and I really admire that about you. |
But no, she just told me to contact this lawyer guy for bureaucratic reasons a did not care to pay attention to in yet another highly pedantic, almost inexplicably thankful email I copy/pasted the pre-written message she'd written up for Bret to send to "the lawyer," and got this:
| Quote: |
Attention: Sir,
Re, In the matter of legal representation for the securing of all the legal documents that will entitle you legally to stand on behalf of heiress ( Miss ) on the claiming of an estate left by her late father ( Dr) with . Reverend pastor James, brought the orphan in my office yesterday. The young lady narrated her predicaments and educational ambition that elicited her to embark on the fund transfer. She made me to understand that you her partner and trustee.
She showed me the statement of account issued to her late father by the London bank, and her late father's death certificates. She said that this two documents are some of the documents needed by the bank for the money transfer. Now as you are requesting for the preparation of the two remaining documents ( power of attorney and affidavit of oath ) needed for the transfer. You are required to send the following information to this law firm as you would like it to appear on the documents.
1). Your international passport or national identity card or drivers license or any legal identity.......... it's for identification prove only.
2). Your name.........................
3). Surname......................................
4). Age ..................................
5). Marital status ..........................
6). Occupation ....................................
7). Nationality........................................
 . City..........................................
9): Name and number of the street where you are living ...........
10). Telephone number.........................
Upon the receipt of the aforementioned information, I will proceed to the federal high court with them including the statement of account and death certificates for attestation. I will then swear affidavit of oath to change you as the owner of the fund and with it, Standard Chartered Bank will transfer the fund in any bank of your choice. Therefore, I will make inquiry to ascertain the present cost of the documents. Before then, we will be looking forward to received your details as you would like it to appear on the documents.
The above refers: We are solicitors and advocates specialized on legal representation, estate recovery, debt recovery, estate management, constitution enactment advisers/reviewers, company secretaries, financial advisers and other legal documentations/matters.
Yours faithfully,
Lawyer doctor .
Chief attorney, ()
|
Bret, to bank:
| Quote: |
Okay, so...
2. Bret Douglas Bretterson
3. I guess, Bretterson?
4. 22
5. not
6. Student/Entrepreneur
7. USA
8. Like, where I am, or where my family's house is? 😕
9. Wow, IDK, i live in a dorm...
10. N/A
And I attached my ID. Can this be over now? 😥😥😥
Peace!
Bret
[Attached was one of those very blurry IDs from a toolkit] |
Amelia pestered me the next day:
| Quote: |
| happy weekend to you,my dear why have you just go silent to me , please i need to read your mail to know how you have gone with the lawyer information i sent to you , |
Mr. Boyfriend-Material (Bret):
| Quote: |
'Sup, babe?
Yeah, yesterday was the last day of finals, so afterwards everyone went out and got totally wasted, and then I was like, "Hey! I should text that girl Amelia!" but I didn't have ur number, and then my phone went in a toilet somehow, and I was like, "Noooooooo! My phone!" And then today I flew back home to Florida for winter break. Oh yeah - I woke up still drunk, but also like, simultaneously super hung-over at the same time and I was like, "uuuuughghghghgh..." but I still had to get on a plane, so I did, and OMFG I threw up sooo many times - everyone on that flight hated me 😆
So, I copy and pasted that thing you said to copy and paste for the guy and sent it to him. But like, can you just like, walk me through everything you need me to do? 'Cus there are a lot of emails, and steps, and form thingies, and like, some of the stuff is like "idk what that is!" and my brain is like "Whaaaaaaaaaaat..." So yeah that'd be super helpful thnx
Smoochy smoochy,
Bret |
Amelia, the next day:
| Quote: |
Subject: my sweetheart,i really want leave this horrible place and meet you,
Thanks for your mail,
How are you today my dearest? I hope fine.
Mine is good and having you into my life is what keeps me smiling.
I want to tell you that I am so lucky to have you in my life.
You are a wonderful man and words cannot convey how much you mean to me now. You are a good and caring man in every way and mostly you have make me feel safe, emotionally and mentally.
Thank you for being part of my life , I'm very happy with you and I could not ask for a better man than you. Thank you so much I'm truly grateful with your opinion ok.
Honey you idea is good,
please use this james information to send the money, (who-what-huh?? )
Name:....................................
Address:. ..............................
City:.......................................Dakar
Country:.................................Senegal
So my lovely darling please i will like you to use this reverend information s to send the money through the western union money transfer or money gram and send the money , please as soon as you send the money, do not forget to send to me also the payment information or the payment slip to enable the reverend father to received the money here at the western, darling i want to tell you that if you want to call me for us to really hear from each other, please you can call me through our reverend father's telephone number [number] so that we can hear from one another,again i want to tell you that as soon as you send the money,with the help of my reverend father i will receive the money , my darling in your honor and with all my love, kiss, hugs, hope and my sincere trust on you my sweetheart,
from yours ever lovely,
Amelia,
(Think "Amelia" misunderstood/was wishful thinking: Bret wasn't just gonna give her $1000, he had to earn it! ) |
Bret:
| Quote: |
Haha awesome!😄
Unfortunately tho, I do not have monies myself 🤑 Our company money is all bankrolled by Chet's dad, and he says he's not gonna give us any money unless it's for like, "actual business expenses" (remember that ) and that's why we couldn't get an office pingpong table 😞 Buuut! If you drew something for us, that'd count as a business expense and he'd totally give us money to send to you! 😀 It's 'totes okay if you're not like, a great artist, 'cus Chet and I really, really suck, so I'm pretty sure anything we get will be an improvement lol |
No response from Amelia 
But a whole two days later, the Lawyer responded:
| Quote: |
Your kind attention:
I am highly satisfied with your identification information, but one problme is scan copy of national identity card. (wait-what-huh? )
Below are my finding in the federal high court in regards of the needed documents.
1. It will cost the sum of 150 Dollar for the authentication of the power of a attorney:.........to be paid in court.
2. 150 Dollar for the swearing of the affidavit of oath at the federal high court before it becomes valid:......to be paid in court.
3. 150 Dollar for notary stamping at the notary office..................To be paid in court.
4. My consultation fee is........................300 Dollar.
So the total money that I need now for the preparation of the documents is.....750 (Seven hundred and fifty Dollar).
You are to send the money (750 Dollar) through moneygram or wester union money transfer, with my secretary name., and address below:
Name: .
Address: .
(Whoa...  The lad/unwieldy team of lads has a whole universe work of characters. I swear, this lad/lad team is worse than us! Haven't bothered to tally up how many random side characters they've introduced so far, but this modality of theirs is an invariable rat's nest of alias's and vaguely comprehensible information. I shouldn't be impressed with a lad, but this operation is a machine: a super janky machine with a mind-boggling number of moving parts that may only vaguely work together in reality, that just keeps on going and not giving a damn. Can I help but snickeringly admire a kindred spirit? Anyway, back to the bait...)
As soon as I received this money I will proceed to the federal high court with all your person information, including the statement/certificates of deposit and death certificates of for attestation.
I will then swear an affidavit of support to change you as the owner of the fund and then with this, the London bank will effect the transfer to any bank of your choice.
Remember to send the scan copy of the payment slip immediately you make the payment so that I can start processing the documents which will be ready in the next two days.
My legal processing fee is:......1450 Dollar(five thousandDollar)........to be remunerated when the bank transfer the money into your account. (our priority is to render the best service to our clients).
Yours sincerely in service,
Lawyer
Chief attorney (
|
Bret:
| Quote: |
| So...do you need 750, 1450, or five thousand dollars? 😕 |
Lawyer, unnecessarily-longly:
| Quote: |
Attention: Sir,
Sequel to your mail which was sent to me here in my honorable chamber, i here by wish to informed you that the urgency and expediency of processing your legal documents here at the federal high court of justice are in your hands.
Therefore as your legal lawyer who is fully representing you here for this execution wish to advice you to strictly adhere to my legal instructions by sending the 750 us dollar immediately (okay, thank you ) for the onward preparation of your documents to commence the execution of the fund to your legitimate bank account in your country.
Note that the earlier you send this money will be the earlier the documents will be ready for this transfer to commence, therefore you should as a matter of urgency adhere and send the money without delay for your own good,not that the money you are asked to send does not belong to me,neither does it goes into my pocket,rather it belongs to the federal high court of the great country,therefore your response to this mail at this point is highly and absolutely needed, adhere to it promptly,
Best Regards,
OUR PRIORITY IS TO RENDER THE BEST SERVICES TO OUR CLIENTS.
THANKS.
YOURS SINCERELY IN SERVICE,
.
|
Bret:
| Quote: |
Oooooh. $750. Cool, cool, cool... The thing is, I don't really...have money of my own?
But I gots an idea! My best friend Chet and I are starting a lifestyle brand and Chet's dad is handling all sorts of business expenses and shit so we can like, grow, and our company doesn't have a lawyer! If we hired you, Chet's dad could pay your fees and the $750 thing for us, and also we'd have a lawyer! |
Later, from Amelia:
| Quote: |
Subject: MY DARLING PLEASE HELP ME PAY THE LAWYER.
My lovely sweetheart ,
I want to thank you so far for the progress and effort you have made to help me from this situation, i am grateful and appreciate. I pray that God will protect and bless you, i wish to thank and express my sincere appreciation to you over how you have been handling my problem to ensure that this money is transferred and for me to have my freedom, i say may the almighty God bless and reward you. My love, i have read and gone through the mail lawyer forwarded to me which the lawyer has sent to you. My love, it is the issue ( matter) of the money that the lawyer has mentioned, you know that at my position here in the camp, i do not have any money and i have no source of getting any money here.
My love, please i want to plead with you to help me pay the lawyer this money so that he can commence the preparation of the documents. My love, you will have back all your expenses and money after the transfer of the money to your account . Remember, i lay all my trust on you and i promise that i will never ever let you down, please do not reject me this time because you know that this is the time i need you so much in my life and i will never ever forget any help and assistance you render to me for this money to be transferred, please help me pay the lawyer since he has stated that unless this money is paid that he will not do anything . honey, i am begging you to send the money to the lawyer to enable him prepare the documents which the bank demanded from us, I want the lawyer to prepare the documents fast to justify the transfer of the total money.
The bank has promised to transfer the fund as soon as the documents are prepared. Please be fast because the bank are waiting for the documents ... bank promised to transfer the money as soon as we provide the documents . please, help me send the money to the lawyer .
Inform me as soon as you send the money to the lawyer,i will be waiting to hear a hopeful reply from you soon with lots of my love,kiss,hugs,hope and my total trust on you.
From yours forever,
Amelia |
Bret:
| Quote: |
Oh hey babe,
Yeah, I don't exactly...have money for paying the lawyer? 😕But I had an idea! Chet's dad is paying for lots of Bretchet's business expenses so we can like, grow, and we don't have like, a lawyer for our company yet, so I was thinking maybe we can hire your lawyer guy to be our lawyer guy, and then Chet's dad can pay him! |
Amelia:
| Quote: |
Hello my lovely darling,
how is your day over there in your country, darling i hope all is well with you and i thank God for your life, really darling i got your mail and i was not happy to read from you and i could really understood all what you said in your mail, darling now i know very well that you really love me and wants us to be together for the rest of my life, really i promised you all my life and i will take you as my lovely husband for the rest of my life (um, wot. ), darling i read you mail as you ask me to tell lawyer that your father have business and he need to employ a lawyer to work with him, please i don't know what to say about that only if you can call him on his phone number, that should be better ,my love can you send me 100 dollar to eat for today, my love,, please tell your father (Chet's dad) to call the lawyer on phone to discuss about the business you are talking about,,i love you with a kiss,from yours lovely amelia |
Bret:
| Quote: |
Husband lol wut 😳
Yeah, I told Chet to get his dad on that, so Chet's dad'll probably check this guy out for us soon so we can hire him and give him money.
Smoochy smoocy etc,
Bret |
Bret was then silent for a whole week. What oh what could have possibly scared him off?
Amelia (Jan 2):
| Quote: |
Subject: my dear happy new year
my dear how are you doing .i want to know how you have gone with the lawyer and the 100 us dollar i requested to eat. are you going to send it or not please tell me. |
Later that day, Amelia got an email. But not from Bret…
| Quote: |
'Sup Amelia--
This is Chet, I'm friend, idk if he's mentioned me or not, but he's talked about you and you seem like a pretty cool girl, and like the two of you are p chill together. Anyway, like, a five days ago, he was emailing with you and he next thing I know he was just sorta lying there looking all stunned, and continuously going "...uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh..." like in a cartoon--I shit you not--and when I asked him what the deal was, he totally brushed it off like, how guys do when something's totally definitely bugging them that they need to talk about but don't because idk they don't want to feel embarrassed or some shit, so I was like, whatever dude. But now he's still all weird and has that derpy freaked-out bug-eyed look on his face, and whenever I mention you he gets all panicky and shit.
So, I guess what I'm wondering is, like, no offense, but, what the hey did you do to him?!?!
Peace!
Chet |
That’s right! It’s Bret’s equally bro-some best friend and business partner, Chet! 
Amelia didn’t respond to this stranger, so he tried again the next day:
| Quote: |
Sry if that sounded hash :p I’m guessing you probably said something pretty normal to him, and he read like, way too much into it? He always does that with the ladies. It’s pretty funny, actually, ‘cept I have to be the guys that’s like “dude. Chill. Everything’s normal” lol So yeah.
Anyway, then heck did you say to him ‘cus he’s seriously wielding everyone out? Lol
Hope to hear from you soon,
Chet |
Amelia:
| Quote: |
Subject: i need to be free from here
is my lovely one.and i want him to send me his handsome picture and the transfer my late father money to his account in his country so that i will come and meet him.but i dont like what is .going on now by using our conversation to dispute to people. that will show me that he cannot be capable to handle my money. am not happy for him. if i notice stupid from him i will stop with him ok. (heh heh, about that...) |
Chet:
| Quote: |
Damn gurl, that's intense! Sry to hear ur dealing with all that.
From what Bret's told me about you he seems like a pretty lucky fella, if I do say so myself and you definitely got love in your hear for him, so I'm hoping he doesn't fuck this up for himself lol
Yeah, I have no idea what da fuq is going on either--that's like, exactly what I'm trying to figure out right now--but now that I heard what you had to say, it totally sound like you guys need to talk, and he needs to stop being a reclusive panic-pants and like, communicate! 'Cus that's like, not fair to you.
Maybe I could like, help broker a dialogue? Idk lol I just want you kids to be happy and Bret to not fuck this up 
Peace!
|
Starting to freak out a bit, Amelia sent this to Bret:
| Quote: |
Subject: my dear how are you doing. please i have not hear from you since i requested feeding money from you.
my dear how are you doing. please i have not hear from you since i requested feeding money from you.
|
Immediately followed by:
| Quote: |
Subject: read this maill.tell me why you give your friend my email
This is Chet, I'm Bret Bretterson's friend, idk if he's mentioned me or not, but he's talked about you and you seem like a pretty cool girl, and like the two of you are p chill together. Anyway, like, a five days ago, he was emailing with you and he next thing I know he was just sorta lying there looking all stunned, and continuously going "...uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh..." like in a cartoon--I shit you not--and when I asked him what the deal was, he totally brushed it off like, how guys do when something's totally definitely bugging them that they need to talk about but don't because idk they don't want to feel embarrassed or some shit, so I was like, whatever dude. But now he's still all weird and has that derpy freaked-out bug-eyed look on his face, and whenever I mention you he gets all panicky and shit.
So, I guess what I'm wondering is, like, no offense, but, what the hey did you do to him?!?!
Peace!
|
…’Cus, of course, that’s not gonna make Bret freak out even more!
Two hours later and no longer reeling from the revelation that Bret had ostensibly betrayed her confidence and somehow ended up giving her email address to another person, Amelia was now clear-headed enough to think pragmatically about the changing situation, and thus, sent this to Chet:
| Quote: |
Subject: can you help me transfer my late father money.
can you help me transfer my late father money. |
Chet:
| Quote: |
Oh yeah, I told my dad about that lawyer and gave him his contact info. I’ll check in with him about that. I think it’s gonna be p chill to have a lawyer for the business like, how legit business have lol
But like, we do need to figure out wtf is going on with Bret. What was the very last message you sent him that he responded to? Like I said, you probably just said smthing p normal and he read waaay to much into it. So like, tell me literally everything you said, even like, the greeting and we’ll get to the bottom of this.
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Amelia:
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Subject: please i need to know from you if your father have contact the lawyer.
Dear Chet,
Friends like you come along once in a lifetime. I don't think I have enough words to express how much I appreciate all the times you've listened to me and been there when I needed someone. It's wonderful to know that you care enough to stick by my sid e through the good times and the bad. I hope I can be as good of a friend to you as you are to me.
Loveyou dearly,
Amelia. |
D'aww 
Chet:
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Aw, shucks That's like, literally the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. My dad's bound to have talked to the lawyer by now, and we're scheduled to have a phone conversation on Sunday, so I'll ask him how it went then.
You been able to get Bret to talk to you yet? I haven't been able to talk to him today, since he took his pet snake to this reptile vet for it's wellness checkup and this vet is like, an ungodly long way away. I know he's an idiot, but he's also like, the best guy ever and I love him. I'll try talking to him again for you when he's back from the vet...
Peace!
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More to come soon... |
_________________
 x5
Last edited by Astarte on Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:29 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Astarte
Not quite a Newb
Joined: 02 Oct 2017
Posts: 59
Location: Workin' the mines
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| Posted:
Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:22 am |
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Meanwhile, the fabled Chet's Dad enter the scene at long last, and finally emails the lawyer...
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Dear Sir or Madam,
My son, , and his friend and business partner, , are determined that I hire you to work for the lifestyle brand that they intend to start. However, as this company still primarily a conceptual endeavor, and they are yet to engage in any business endeavors that require legal mediation, or any business endeavors period, at this stage, they have no actual need for a lawyer at this time. If my son, or his friend, contact you again, kindly inform them that we did converse, but that we both agreed that it would be unwise for your firm to represent them at this time. Use any legal excuse as to why.
Thank You.
Regards,
(Yep, Chet's dad is also named "Chet"! Hoping to seriously confuse the lad with this some time in the future...  ) |
Lawyer responded with...literally the exact same email he'd sent to Bret, florescent pink highlighter and everything :
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Subject: Cost of getting the documents.
Your kind attention:
I am highly satisfied with your identification information, but one problme is scan copy of national identity card.
Below are my finding in the federal high court in regards of the needed documents.
1. It will cost the sum of 150 Dollar for the authentication of the power of a attorney:.........to be paid in court.
2. 150 Dollar for the swearing of the affidavit of oath at the federal high court before it becomes valid:......to be paid in court.
3. 150 Dollar for notary stamping at the notary office..................To be paid in court.
4. My consultation fee is........................300 Dollar.
So the total money that I need now for the preparation of the documents is.....750 (Seven hundred and fifty Dollar).
You are to send the money (750 Dollar) through moneygram or wester union money transfer, with my secretary name., and address below:
Name:
Address: .
As soon as I received this money I will proceed to the federal high court with all your person information, including the statement/certificates of deposit and death certificates of Dr for attestation.
I will then swear an affidavit of support to change you as the owner of the fund and then with this, the London bank will effect the transfer to any bank of your choice.
Remember to send the scan copy of the payment slip immediately you make the payment so that I can start processing the documents which will be ready in the next two days.
My legal processing fee is:......1450 Dollar(five thousandDollar)........to be remunerated when the bank transfer the money into your account. (our priority is to render the best service to our clients).
Yours sincerely in service,
Chief attorney . |
Dad:
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Sir,
I suspect your intern in charge of correspondence simply replied to my previous email with a boilerplate response without actually reading my message at all. Kindly go back and read my previous email, and acknowledge that you understand what I said.
Also, what the hell kind of lawyer uses Western Union or Moneygram instead of direct deposit? It's downright unprofessional. What are you, a Chinese wholesale knock-off goods website? No: are a man who attended law school and represents clients in court. I suggest you run your law firm accordingly. (and gimme me a pig next time, please! )
Regards,
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Amelia, to Chet Jr.:
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Hello my dear
how is your day over there in your country? i hope all is well with you,my dear i want to tell you that i am very happy to read your mail today and i could understood all what you said,my dear i promise you . as long as you will keep to your promise by tell your father to pay the lawyer fee to prepare the document for us to enable the bank transfer the money to your account in your country (then...what?  Think our ladette got a little sloppy on the copy/paste from previous emails.). so i will be waiti ng for your hopeful response at this time, with all my hope and trust on you. amelia. |
Chet:
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| Talked to my dad today, he says he's talking to the lawyer, so it sounds like that's progressing Anyway, had some dope-ass Mexican food on Saturday at this place off the I-80, and there was this kicker at Pete's dad's condo, and that was pretty chill. So, how was your weekend? |
She did not tell Chet about her weekend :
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| my dear thanks for your response.please i want to know if your father have accept to pay the lawyer for the document as he contact him . please i will like you to update me his conversation with the lawyer. |
I'm not sure what the set up between "Amelia" and "the lawyer"/"the bank" is like Earlier, the ladette asked Bret to forward the messages he'd exchanged with the bank to her, and she always asks how things went with them: no one "from their office" ever "fills her in." I suspect that whoever is in charge of the lawyer and/or bank emails knows very limited english, and their job consists entirely of sending out a particular boiler-plate when they see certain messages (which is why Amelia has Bret to copy/paste specific pre-written messages to them!), and the person playing Amelia does all the heavy lifting when it comes to figuring out what the heck is actually going on...
Anyway, Chet emailed the lawyer to see how the conversation with his dad went. Let's see if he gets a response:
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Yo, peeps, this ! Idk if you know who tf I am, but my was supposed to contact you about maybe hiring you for , the lifestyle brand I'm starting with my friend. My dad's name is , and we first heard about you through Amelia (idk her last name lol). So, did you guys get to talk yet?
Sincerely,
Chet |
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_________________
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michibait
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 953
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| Posted:
Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:43 pm |
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| Quote: |
| .....they have no actual need for a lawyer at this time.....we both agreed that it would be unwise for your firm to represent them at this time. Use any legal excuse as to why. |
Fantastic baiting! Can hardly wait for the next installment. Keep up the great work. |
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