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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:21 pm

My long surfering gold lad has run into his third character played by me, his fifth overall. I felt the need to explain to him just how things were.

Quote:

On Sun, Apr 3, 2016 at 2:45 PM, Chuck Hooey <[email protected]> wrote:

Mr Atitisgobe.

I thought I did point out the niceties of this business, perhaps I was aiming above your pay grade when I did so.
To explain it in more simple terms.
Mr Piranha, him big white man want buy gold
Mr Atitisgobe mud swilling gold finder want sell gold
Mr Ole him man useless tit not go meet buyer
Mr Sloppi him Eyetie belonga me, him hired to to Mr Piranha collect gold
Bill whatever his name his, big time shyster charge by the hour do legal stuff.
Mr Unwin, not sure, him dead. Maybe come collect gold and fail.

Now,
Mr Piranha want buy your gold
Mr Atitisgobe he want sell gold.
Mr Sloppi he come collect gold
Mr Ole him deliver gold to Mr Sloppi
Mr Sloppi him take gold to Mr Piranha
Mr Piranha deliver gold to me, I sell for profit.

Are you with me so far?
It seems that we get as far as step four and it all goes shit shaped as you are not sending your boy to meet with Sloppi.
A simple task, conveniently to be carried out by a simple man.
All he has to do, is take the gold to somewhere near the location. Leave the gold safely there, go meet Sloppi, make sure he checks the sample of gold provide then take Sloppi and the money to the gold.
That is all that your man needs to do.

I await with great interest your next excuse not to put a rocket up his arse and get him moving.
I do not understand why I am having to do all this, have your never sold gold before?
I know that getting into big business can be scary but put your big boy pants on and get with the program.

Charles

Dores & Zugeschlagen Brokers

His reply :

Quote:

Dear Mr Charles,

Since we are already on stage 4 of this business.I
would advise you that you send your rep.Mr Sloppi
down to Accra and find a conducive place for himself
and call me as i have been saying before.I would
send Mr Ole and other reps.to meet him with the
sample but not with all the goods for the first
time.Mr Charles,you know this as an experience
buyer.Nobody would want to meet a stranger
in an unknown place with goods.The first visit is for getting to know Mr
Sloppi and inspection of his chosen environment,if
it would be conducive for the transaction.My reps.
would come back to the office and pick the goods.
But,if
not,i would advise Mr Sloppi to come to my office.

Mr Charles,my response to your last question that
,have i never sold Gold before?As an experienced
buyer,
I am not too sure
if you have bought Gold more than 10 KG before and
do you know it's value?Or do you think Gold is
like snails with hairs which all man can see around?
i can imagine your mouth with which you
use in chewing sausage.Anyway,when you people are
ready,i am also ready for you.

Kind regards,
+233 000
+233 000.
Mr Atitsogbe Chris.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 3:23 pm

^^

killer.

Quote:

Or do you think Gold is
like snails with hairs which all man can see around?
i can imagine your mouth with which you
use in chewing sausage

He thinks that you want to eat gold caterpillars, and watch you do it?
That's kinky shit, IG.

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 10:55 am

I couldn't resist an 'Allo 'Allo moment in replying to a Lad who sends emails in threes and repeats himself constantly over the phone, and who'd asked for Mal to confirm when payment would take place.

Quote:

Read this very carefully, I will only send his once.
I will almost certainly be unable to send the fee before the weekend as I have medical appointments.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

I need to reconsider my life decisions.

Quote:

Can you help me find Father Juicy-Lucy so I can get him his money? If you can find him perhaps I can give the money to you and you can give it to him. Blessings on you, I think i lost his email address. I am new.

Fr. Greg

Edit: His reply.

lad wrote:

I received your mail, Father Juicy-Lucy told us to get the required amount from you. So can you send the money to the information that I gave to you use to send the money and on enable me get it to Father Juicy-Lucy

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2016 12:21 pm

A Lad of very little brain got back to Cammy after a four-year absence, with a new script... that had the old email trail below. Cammy was suitably snide.

Quote:

You were run over by the foolmobile, the dumb bus and the stupid train, no fucking doubt about that.

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2016 9:14 pm

When the stupid Lad from the previous answer responded with this list:

Quote:

re-confirm to me your full delivery information as well:

Full Name:.....
Age:........
sex:........
Occupation:....
Residence Address:.......
Phone Number:...........
Country:..............
Your nearest airport…………………….

Cammy sent an answer that should confirm if he actually reads replies.

Quote:

Full Name: Danaerys Targaryen
Age: 30
sex: Female
Occupation: Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men
Residence Address: Palace of the Khaleesi, Mereen, Valyria
Phone Number: None
Country: Valyria
Your nearest airport: Dragonstone

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2016 3:50 am

One of the goofiest things that I have written to a lad...

A lad wanted me to send him $200 via Western Union, but I just wanted to get a quick piggy, so my first reply:

Quote:

Hello my dear Dr Kar1m,

Unfortunately, I have been blacklisted at Western Union for transfering money over to a ex-girlfriend who was in jail and who was not allowed to recieve money. I can send you the money with my bank account or with a check. Tell me what is easiest.

Thank you,

But my lad comes up with a brilliant solution:

Quote:

Good morning to you sir,
I did received your email. All you have to do is to withdraw the money from your account and then you ask somebody else to go to western union and make the payment.
Just do that now and get back to me.
Thanks.

I am flabbergasted by his intelligence, so I reply:

Quote:

Hello Dr. Kar1n,

What a wondrous idea. I would never have thought of doing that on my own. Thank you for making me think and realize how easy life can be when you think out of the box.

I will get my friend Lenny to make the payment for me.

I pray to the God of the universe that He preserves your head and gives you many problems to solve with beauty.

Blessings,

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2016 12:59 pm

Expressing scepticism at the millions on offer...

Quote:

I don't believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Soul Cake Duck.

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2016 9:18 pm

The Lad claimed to be a former minister in the Syrian Government, and I couldn't resist.

Quote:

I find it somewhat hypocritical for a supporter of the Asshat regime to be lecturing me on trust and sincerity.

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