The Battle of the Johnsons

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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 5:03 am

The problems with the lad-in-Spain continue.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello my love , any update I want to know if you have heard from them because the diplomat said he is looking for a good hotel for you since

My character wrote:

Of course I haven't heard from the Dozy Diplomat.

Did you contact the Embassy about him? I think he needs a doctor.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello my love,

I want to inform you thet Jeff Monday informed me that he has been searching for a Hotel with jacuzzi Bathroom and Pool that is what he has been searching since for you.
Please get back get back to me.

My character wrote:

He won't manage it. He can't do anything. The Embassy should be informed about him.

You only just caught me, I'm now going out.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Where are you going to now? I hope you are not going to send money to Sunday or fake james johnson or steven William?

I had intended for my character to go out for just one hour. But seeing he was worried, I decided she could go out for three hours instead - and, yes, she would send money to Sunday. Though I wouldn't tell him that quite yet.

In the meantime, Mr Johnson wrote:

Please get back to me to know if the diplomat has called you and also if you receive any email from them okay .

On her return, my character wrote:

No. No calls. No emails. Nothing.

Then she wrote:

So what's going to happen now?

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello my love please don't worry they will get in contact with you shortly okay please

I'm guessing that the Mr Johnson lad then phoned the lad-in-Spain, and lad-in-Spain was not exactly cooperative.

Because Mr Johnson then wrote:

Well if I wait for them today and they refuse to contact you I will have to cancel it and contact another diplomat from London UK to proceed because they told me they are working to get it done .

My character wrote:

That would be much better. I really can't see myself meeting with Mr Slow Motion and his brain problems.

Would the UK diplomat go to Spain, or would the trunk boxes go to London? It certainly would be easier for me if I went to London, I can speak the language, and get taxis, the tube, buses, whatever.

Mr Johnson wrote:

The diplomat Jeff Monday is calling you right now please stay in touch and pick up your call , just pick call from any one calling you okay and everything will be successful please .

Let me know as soon as they call .

My character wrote:

Oh no, I'm not still stuck with him....

Ok, I'll take the call but, honestly, I'm no good with people with mental problems.

After a while, my phone rang. Mr Monday? No. It was Mr Johnson.

'Has the diplomat called?'

Answer: No.

Mr Johnson returned to email.

He wrote:

Okay my love , please have patient and he will give you a call okay .

My character wrote:

I doubt it. But we'll see.

Again, after a while, Mr Johnson phoned.

'Has the diplomat called?'

Answer: No.

A bit later, my character wrote:

Still no call.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay, just release and if actually you can send the 6800 Euros today into account i will instruct United Nations to handle the delivery to your doorstep instead of delay.

I ignored that, not least because lad-in-Spain actually called!!!

After the phone call, my character wrote to Mr Johnson.

She wrote:

He's just called. He is rude and crazy, so I told him Goodbye and hung up on him.

I am NOT NOT NOT NOT meeting him.

Fuck the stupid money.

I don't need it.

Mr Johnson wrote:

what happen my friend?

My character wrote:

Oh, he's just so stupid. He was trying to sound all efficient and official, but he was talking absolutely nothing like a diplomat. Diplomats are TRAINED TO LISTEN and he wouldn't listen to me at all. In the end I had to shout at him, to make him hear me.

Either he is a fake diplomat, or he has gone just TOTALLY wrong in the head.

Horrible little man.

Actually, I overpowered him with words right from the beginning, ordering him to keep quiet and listen to me; criticizing his previous email; and telling him I did not and would not tolerate his lack of commuication, general attitude, and complete absence of good manners and willing service; and I ended by telling him to shove the money up his ass, and not bother me again.

I must have sounded quite aggressive, because I finished the call and found that my two dogs (which had previously been on the other side of the room) were cringing at my feet, obviously hoping that they wouldn't be the next targets for my sudden explosions. And they are not the cringing type of dogs at all!

Mr Johnson wrote:

Please advise that Diplomat just called me that you hang up on him and he is with your boxes and why must you do such thing to hang up on him.
Please advise that he is from USA and dosent have office in Madrid spain okay, so you have to email him or call him back and apologize to him.

My character wrote:

Fuck off, I'm not apologizing to that moron.

Fuck the money. I don't need it. I was never going to keep it for myself, anyway, as you know.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay my sister let both of us get this done... I am contacting UN to get it deliver to you and I want you to pay the $6800 USD direct to me and i will get this completed without any more delay.
Let forget about the diplomat because it seems he is not serious and I will contact United Nations and get this done with all immediate effect okay.

My character wrote:

I don't need that money. It's all too much hassle.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Please try and make the payment and I will make sure this is delivery done, because the Diplomat is ready to get this done with al immediate effect.
Please the UN Diplomat is very ready okay and you are to send the $6800 to Spain.[/color]

My character wrote:

He's a fake diplomat. Or a mentally deranged one.

OK. I'll do what you told me to do before, to make sure that someone isn't fake. I'll send it to him in 3 month's time.

Mr Johnson wrote:

I have contacted United Nations in Madrid Spain and the agent will call you right now in regards to this okay.. Please you have to follow up and send the 6800 to them.

Several calls from Spain followed. I redirected them to Voicemail.

My character wrote:

I'm not answering calls from Spain, in case it is that crazy Mr Monday again.

Mr Johnson wrote:

No not from Monday anymore okay.... THis is from United Nations in Spain and they are ready to handle it by them self not longer Diplomat because he has delayed and I am not happy within... the UN is going to take the money boxes out from him and deliver to you or you come and pick it up your self.
Please understand okay.

I continued to redirect calls from Spain to Voicemail.

My character wrote:

Then the UN agent can email me.

I'm not answering any calls from Spain in case that Mr Monday DOES call. He could use a different number to call, see.

Mr Johnson called. I ignored the call.

So he wrote:

I am calling you now pick my call

Nope.

Then he wrote:

Talk to me please

A bit later, my character wrote:

Sorry, I was outside, and I didn't know you were calling. I'm going to have a quick shower now.

Mr Johnson called immediately, so I answered the phone.

He told me that the United Nations Agent in Spain would email right now.

After a suitable time for a not-so-quick shower, I decided it was time to tell Mr Johnson about the money that was sent to (my fake lad) Sunday.

So my character wrote:

I'm just back from the shower - I normally shower in the mornings, after I've been out with the horses, but I didn't have time this morning, because my friend Willem drove me to Drachten so I could send some money to Sunday. I know you advised me not to do that, but he wasn't trying to scam me now, honestly, it was all my own idea, I wanted him to have some money so he could have a nice time, and buy some new clothes for the weekend, and then go out and have lots of beers. You know, just to be able to do the same sort of thing as I can do all the time.

Anyway, there's no email from the United Nations Agent yet. I hope he is not going to turn out as bad as Mr Monday!

Oh yes, that went down well. Very Happy

Mr Johnson wrote:

I got your email and good but you supposed have send me money for my weekend and effort because I am working to get this done and complete this ... If you can send 1500 Euros for my family for this weekend I will appreciate , my sweet heart .

Yes UN Agent will email you shortly and please you will receive his email ASAP .

My character wrote:

Ha ha, very funny! I know what a HUGE great salary that United Nations heads receive! I didn't know you had such a sense of humour!

I've got an email from the United Nations agent, so I'll read it now.

The email from the United Nations Agent basically said that now the trunk boxes would be 'delivered to my character's doorstep', so she needed to pay the outstanding €6,800, plus €900 transportation fee.

So my character replied, and wrote:

Thank you for your email.

I'm afraid we can't be in a hurry about this, because Mr Johnson has told me that I MUST wait 3 months before sending payment.

He told me that all real people accept this; and it is only the scammers who will not wait.

I was arranging to go to Madrid, instead, which is a different situation, but that has now fallen through, to do with a problem with the diplomat.

Meanwhile, Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello My love, right now I am Broke because of children in schools and don't have enough money and my Ground Monther is in sick and hve used my money to pay for her hospital Bills.

Please you have to do something to me this weekend.

My character wrote:

Why are you lying to me like this? You live in the USA, and those things don't happen there.

Are you the hacker back again??????????????????????????????????

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello my love , that's by the way ... I can't lie I am not a USA Citizen I work with UN inspection office here in Atlanta Georgia ..
Since is like that let forget about that , because is God that helps nog human being .
The UN Agent is ready to complete this as he stated that they are talking to Jeff Monday that he has to be very careful and get the boxes to you at Madrid .

My character wrote:

Yeah, but you're in the United States, so you're subject to all their regulations and benefits. And if you're from another country, you get additional benefits from the United Nations, including Education Grants, Dependency Allowances, and Medical Insurances for all your family. So it still stays untrue what you said. I don't get it why you would lie to me. I thought that you treated me like a sister.

Anyway, I pity the poor UN Agent having to talk to Mr Monday!

I'm cooking on and off, I have to do all the cooking at the moment, coz Betje is away until next Monday. I'm really looking forward to her coming back, NOT just because of the cooking, but because I want to ask her if she thinks a house I've found will be suitable for her and the other staff I'm going to employ. It looks good to me:

<link to house for sale>

but she will know better than me what accommodation my staff needs.

(As this is a real house, of course Betje won't like it for some reason, and my character will end up buying another - invented - one.)

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay good , let forget everything last I was trying to explain my family problem and my grand money her on South Africa but you won't believe , anyway can you contact UN agent and let him tell Jeff Monday to complete the assignment as you are to travel to Madrid Spain for the boxes okay .

My character wrote:

Oh, you're South African! How interesting! I used to live near a South African family. Loved their food!

My husband is on his way home, so I can't write to the UN Agent right now. I'm a bit concerned that Mr Monday is still involved though. NO WAY will I ever ever meet with him! He's so crazy, I'd be a bit scared of him.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay

My character wrote:

'Okay' is not a good answer regarding Mr Monday.

I need total reassurance that I won't have to meet him in Madrid. He's weird.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Well Monday is nice and kind man anyway and I believe when you see him you will like him in person he is very kind man and I believe maybe he instructed his secretary to be emailing you because I can see he is always busy because of his job , give him a try and follow him up and get your trunk boxes first that's my concern .

My character wrote:

No. No way. Call the whole thing off. NO WAY am I going anywhere near Mr Crazy Monday.

HE CALLED ME! It wasn't his secretary. He said who he was - and he was AWFUL and MAD!

No way no way no way no way forever will I go near him.

You suggested that I dealt with a diplomat in London, and went there to collect the trunk boxes. I'd like to do that, please.

PROVIDING it is NOT Mr Monday, and NO Mr Monday is present, or in the UK at all.

NO MR MONDAY EVER. Got that?

And then she wrote:

Oh and another thing.

I wrote to the United Nation Agent, and HE never wrote back either!

What the FUCK is wrong with all the people you put me in contact with?

I'm sick of this dragging on and on and on, because of your incompetent (and totally crazy - that's Mr Monday) contacts.

(And Mr Monday is not NICE and KIND like you said, he is rude and horrible and the worst person ever.)

Mr Johnson wrote:

My love I can't lie to you he is very nice Man and if you meet him in Madrid Spain he will proof you wrong and treat you very well because he is a nice man which I know very well in Spain

My character wrote:

No. No way. I spoke to him on the phone and he was awful.

I don't mind going to Madrid to meet with the United Nations Agent, providing he is OK (and bothers to actually write a reply to my emails). And I certainly don't mind going to London.

Actually, I'll go to Mongolia or Easter Island or anywhere, providing that Mr Crazy Monday is not there.

Seriously though, no I can't meet with him. No no and no not ever.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello , don't worry everything will be alright as we have the UN Agent involve and talking to Monday and he is right now apologizing for his bad conduct via telephone conversation and he has agreed and promised to call you and reconcile with you and get this done so you can book your flight and start coming next week .

Please trust me and I will also come to Spain from US to meet you guys after everything is settled .

My character wrote:

My phone is switched off right now, because my husband is home. At the moment, he is still out riding one of the horses, so maybe I could switch my phone on for about 10 minutes or maybe 15, if Mr Monday can call then....

I will still need his office address though. I understand that he doesn't have a permanent office there but, while he is there, he must use one of the American Embassy offices, and I need to know where I will meet him - and also to be sure to book a hotel in the correct area.

So, actually, maybe he needs to write first with his office address, and when he has done that, I'll acknowledge his email, and then I will switch on my phone for a little while.

OK? Ask him to send me the address of the office he is using by email, and then I'll write back to him, and tell him to phone straight away.

You know, somehow I still doubt that he can manage that. But if he was just on drugs before, maybe he has come off them and come down now.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay good ? He will write you back shortly

My character wrote:

I just hope it is not his usual understanding of 'shortly' - which has always been before like 'within the next three days.'

Surprisingly, though, Mr Monday emailed!

He wrote:

The closest 5 star hotel to one of our offices on <some random street in Madrid> remains

<some hotel>

Please note that it is 17 minutes drive by car from the Barajas Madrid airport though it is not-so-smooth outward trip because of light traffic. My protocol officer would be at the airport to pick you up as soon as we confirm your flight itinerary.

Thank you and have a good evening.

My character replied to him, and wrote:

I requested the address of the office you are using at the Embassy.

Please supply.

I do not wish to be collected at the airport. I am perfectly capable of making my own journey to my hotel. I will arrive in advance of our meeting.

Address of office, please. And quickly.

And to Mr Johnson, she wrote:

He's being his usual useless self.

I start to believe you that it will all be OK, and then Mr Crazy turns up again, and is STILL the endless idiot.

Oh please, do I really have to have anything to do with him?

And then she wrote:

And he even recommended another crap hotel.

Why does he think that I would want to stay in such low grade hotels????

He is seriously weird.

And a bit later, she wrote:

When Mr Crazy wrote his useless email to me, I replied immediately, and said he needed to write back very quickly.

He obviously doesn't understand what 'very quickly' means. 30 minutes later, he STILL hasn't written.

Please tell me exactly WHY you still have faith in him, when he is still being very awkward with me. Does he hate Scottish people or something? Does he hate women? Or has he taken his drugs again?

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay let forget about her and let get this delivery done and proceed to send $6800 and they will deliver to your doorstep by UN agent or UPS

My character wrote:

What happened about the diplomat in London?

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay I will have to get in contact with UN Agent to send the boxes to UK but instead sending it to UK will be another process of delay and I will advise for then to ship to you direct to your doorstep .
Please if you accept this the you can proceed and pay the $6800 tomorrow and I will make the pure arrangement.

My character wrote:

Yeah, I know it could be quicker, but the thing is that most of my bank accounts are in the UK, and ALL my investments are there. I only have one ordinary bank account in the Netherlands, with just a few hundred thousand in - all the rest of my money is in UK banks, and that's where I'd be depositing this money anyway, until I sent it out to the charities, so it would be so much easier if it started off there. Much much easier.

I'm in no hurry anyway. The needs of people are always there, and whenever I get it, I will find the charities who very much need the financial help. There are needs today, but there are needs next week too, and next month, and next year, and so on forever.

Mr Johnson wrote:

That's very interesting and I understand you very much which means i have to inform the diplomat in UK for this delivery right so you will meet them in UK>.. But boxes need to move back to UK and we will kindly advise you to pay the $6800 since you have to meet them in UK for the service and process in signing the documents back to UK with help of lawyer so everything will be very successfully and you will meet them in person in London UK.

My character wrote:

Well, that would be good if I could pick them up in the UK, and also would avoid the need to pay tax on them in TWO countries!

Yes, of course I can hand over the money when I collect them. Should it be in euros or in pounds? I can get out pounds easily from any of my bank accounts when I'm in the UK, and maybe that will be best?

Shall we arrange it for next week?

Mr Johnson wrote:

Yes it will be for next week as I will have to reschedule this movement and have to be keep confidential to avoid any problem any more ... But they are demanding you now to pay 6800 or half of it before they will travel to UK with the boxes and you know is very heavy and they required you to pay half of the money first and you can give them half in pounds .
I hope you understand ?

My character wrote:

How heavy are they? That's a worry. I'm quite strong for my size, but I'm not Superwoman!

How am I going to get the money to the banks??????

I guess I'm a bit stupid, I never thought of this.

Mr Johnson wrote:

My love it's 130KG and it must be ship to UK successful and also if you can withdraw the money and send tomorrow or wire from you bank or send half of it by western union or money gram , it will move to UK and you fly to UK next week and pick it up successful because we have to make sure everything is fine and security keeping charges in Spain is paid and allow delivery to UK for your own good and safety .

My character wrote:

Oh bugger, that's far too heavy for me! I need to call my brother Mark and arrange a van. He's got several vans for his security company, including money transport vans, so I'll have to arrange for one of those to accompany me down to London.

He'll be out tonight, it being Friday Party On The Town night, but I'll call him tomorrow, and let you know what we can arrange.

I'll pay the diplomat in London, that's the best way, like you told me before. You told me not to send money, but only hand it over face-to-face with the genuine person.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Yes I will put you in contact with diplomat but only when the boxes is moved to UK and what they needed from now according to last speaker of you can send $2000 tomorrow the boxes will shop to UK and keep safe till you arrive . Please you have to trust me and send $2000 tomorrow without any more delay to avoid is being role around .

My character wrote:

I can't do that. Betje is on her vacation, my husband is at work tomorrow, and I don't have a driving license, so there's no way for me to get to Drachten.

But, anyway, you told me NEVER to send money, but only to hand it over face-to-face, and that was very good advice, and that is what I am sticking to. I'll give the full amount to the diplomat, in pounds, like you said.

I'll need contact with the diplomat as soon as possible, because I will need to give a date for the use of the van and driver to my brother Mark, so he can reserve one for me.

Hope you are having a nice evening. I was playing games online until my husband came back, and since then we've been having a few beers and doing our usual thing of playing good You Tube music!

While I was sending that email, another email from Mr Johnson arrived.

He wrote:

For security reasons and you are to send the $2,000 to our received agent in London UK , please this will help very fast okay.

Get back to
Me so I will send you name to send the $2000 tomorrow .

Thanks .

My character wrote:

Oh, I just saw your second email.

There's no hurry, honestly. It's just money for charity. People's needs will always exist, as I said earlier.

Mr Johnson wrote:

I told you not to send money to people who is not ready to come to you face to face but I am assuring you now to send $2000 tomorrow and please I will assure you that once the boxes is move to UK you will give them the balance of 4800 and I will assure you that everything will be very successful trust me my love.

My character wrote:

No, I'll pay the diplomat when I meet him. You were right, that's the best way.

I'm off to bed now. I'll call Mark about the van tomorrow, but I will need a date, so I will need to be in touch with the diplomat who I'm meeting.

Mr Johnson wrote:

You must send the money first before any thing okay that's only what will solve this .

My character wrote:

No. It was YOU who told me NEVER to do this, and this is very good advice.

I will pay the diplomat in London. Please ask him to contact me as soon as possible, so I can let my brother Mark know the date for the van.

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2016 5:35 am

This is hilarious and supremely wonderful, Branwen! Very Happy

You have these lads wrapped around your finger. They must be beside themselves knowing that you're a serious, paying maga yet they keep missing out on payday.

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 3:55 am

It's not really going my way at the moment, though. I need to get this back under my control.

Yesterday morning, my character wrote:

No mail from the diplomat yet. Why is everybody you know so SLOW?

And later, she wrote:

I wanted to call my brother Mark this morning and arrange the trip, but yet another Slow Diplomat has failed to contact me.

What is going on here? Why these endless delays? I'm getting totally fed up with the whole thing.

I'm chatting with someone at the moment, but I'm not staying online for much longer.

Mr Johnson wrote:

I have not contacted the Diplomat yet because the boxes is still in Spain because you have not sent the $2,000 first so the diplomat can proceed to send the boxes to UK.

Get back to me.

My character wrote:

Oh, hi!

I've already told you I'm not doing that. I'm doing what you kept telling me to do, and only handing over the money face to face.

Please don't YOU start delaying things too! Please put the diplomat in touch with me.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Well my friend can't do that because i have to follow the instruction given to me and also its only $2,000 you are to pay and everything will be scheduled in UK...

My character wrote:

Well, tell that stupid Mr Monday to pay it, then, coz he was the one who fucked everything up in Spain. He can take it back out of the money that I give to the diplomat in London.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello My Love Monday has been arrested by UN yesterday because of his Bad conduct and they want you to send the $2,000 part payment and you pay the balance face to face.

My character wrote:

Mr Monday was ARRESTED? Now I feel horribly guilty. I wish I'd never said anything about him. Damn. I feel awful.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Yes because of his bad conduct to our client they got him arrested . so he will be out nextweek anyway after court decision .
Now I really want you to try and send the $2000 today and I will plan everything to be successful okay.

My character wrote:

Well, if Mr Monday is out of the way, there's no reason I can't fly down to Spain as planned, and pay the money there. It would have been MUCH more convenient for me to go to London, but whatever.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Yes my friend , I have contacted another Diplomat as UN directed me to do and they are ready to come over or you come to Spain and Meet then, Please this is this $2000 is needed from you very urgent for security of your boxes.

My character wrote:

Well, I can give it to the new diplomat when I'm there, as planned, can't I?

Will this one be able to give me the Embassy office address that he is using there?

Mr Johnson wrote:

Be inform that everything will be given to you and to be sure and secure your boxes and documents needed to be able to pick up this trunk, you are advise to pay the $2000 in advance and as soon as you arrive in Spain you pay the balance that's all and you must understand that you will pick up your boxes and sign the necessary documents as requested.
Kindly trust me and i promise never to let you down as i am speaking to you, I want everything to be successfully done without you paying any more delay.

My character wrote:

But you said to me never to send money. Why have you changed your mind? You are not the hacker are you?

The real Mr Johnson said many many many times that only hackers and scammers tell you to SEND money.

I'm worried now.

Mr Johnson wrote:

I told you not to send money because of the hackers... and to avoid you not to send money to people thats not ready to see you face to face because of scam.. and now you can confirm that your boxes is in Spain and they needed your responds/present to come and pick it up due to the slow motion Diplomat the scheduled changed and needed you to pay $2,000 to make a proper scheduled for your boxes okay.

I like the way that the lad is calling him the Slow Motion Diplomat now!

My character wrote:

But the REAL Mr Johnson said to ONLY to give money face to face.

Then she wrote:

I'm just confused.

Mr Johnson wrote:

I am the Real James Johnson and i stated so and note you are sending the money to UK.. not in Nigeria or USA.. I want to make sure everything is successfully done trust me.
I told you not to send money to any one because of the hackers and now you confirm that your boxes is in Spain and I want you to send $2000 only and you pay the rest face to face.

I don't think that he is going to shift on this, so I think I'd better start being persuaded.

Therefore, my character wrote:

OK. So if I pay this, then the trunk boxes COULD be shipped to the UK, and I'd be able to collect them there? Coz that would be so much easier for me.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Yes My Love, if you send the $2,000 the Diplomat will ship it to US and contact you from UK with approved boxes and documents and Airway Bill so you fly to UK and meet them for the trunk boxes, this is very very clear and everything will be successfully done.
Trust me as I am speaking to them right now in Spain and they are waiting for the $2,000 to be sent okay.

My character wrote:

I guess you meant 'ship it to the UK', not the US, like you wrote?

Well, yes, collecting them in the UK would be so much simpler. I'll need to know all about dates and stuff from the diplomat, though.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Sorry is a mistake, ship to UK so you will come and pick it up very easy okay... and i will assure you that as soon as the Diplomat arrive on Monday he will give you a call and also email you with documents from Spain.

My character wrote:

OK, that's great. Thank you. Smile

Mr Johnson wrote:

Please you have to proceed to send the money and i will send you information to send it right now because this needed to commence today as they are waiting for the $2,000 to be sent okay.

Some time later, my character wrote:

You said that you were sending the payment information 'right now', but it hasn't come yet.

20 minutes later, Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay, I will send it right now.

It took him another 20 minutes to come up with the payment details.

He wrote:

My Love,

Here is information to send it by Money Gram.

Receivers name : xxxx
Address : United Kingdom
City : London
Amount $2,000

Please proceed to send it by Money Gram and email me with the details and 8-digits number from money gram.

My character wrote:

I can't send dollars here, it's got to be euros.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Yes send in Euros okay.

My character wrote:

What's $2000 in euros, then?

Then, a few minutes later, she wrote:

I need to go outside for a little while, because my father-in-law has just arrived. I'll come back online when I come back.

Mr Johnson wrote:

My love is 1,820.4 EUROS...

Then, a little later, he wrote:

Please go now and send it with the info and the amount is 1,820.4 EUROS... Kindly go and send it and let me know with the details.

Eventually my character returned.

She wrote:

Hi, I was just helping my father-in-law harness up the horses, he's taking out four for a drive.

I need to google and find out where a MoneyGram is round here.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay my love, Please google money gram around there or do you have western union around?

My character wrote:

There's Western Union at Drachten, but that's too far. I'm googling Moneygram right now.

Mr Johnson wrote:

My Love, please send $1000 by western union and $1,000 by money gram okay please... that's how they want you to send it.

My character wrote:

Well, I can't go to Drachten today.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Send it in two places, $1,000 each to enable it pick up because any money more than $1,000 by money gram or western union cant be pick in UK..
You can as well send $1,000 in 2 places by money gram if found.

My character wrote:

I've only found one Moneygram so far, and that's at a place called Ureterp, which is as far away as Drachten.

There is actually a MoneyGram a short cycle ride from where my character lives, but she failed to notice that one. And it was extremely unlikely that the lad would discover it, because when she had previously given her address, my character had used the Frisian name of her village. MoneyGram 'Find locations' can't find anything for the Frisian name; only for the Dutch name, which is different (and unknown to the lad).

My character wrote:

There's also some at Drachten, I think, but I can't really understand the addresses on the website.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Please my love do and go to send it okay because we need to facilitate this today so the Diplomat can fly to UK and call you with boxes so it will be very easy for you.
And you have to keep this confidential please.

My character wrote:

I can't go to Ureterp today, it's too far. My housekeeper (who is also my driver) is still on vacation.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay... Please you have to try and send it please.

My character wrote:

It's too far to go to. I can do it next week.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay... try and send it on Monday please so the diplomat will move the boxes to UK..

My character wrote:

It won't be Monday. My housekeeper doesn't start work again until Tuesday. She'll be back Monday evening.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay my love...

3 hours later:

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hi my love

And another 3 hours later:

He wrote:

Am online my love and are you there and just want to know how you are doing today and how is your weekend going .

I think that the lad is afraid to leave my character unattended in case someone else contacts her and she sends the money to the wrong Mr Johnson again.

She won't do that, but I'd still prefer her to go to Spain or the UK, instead of just having problems with MoneyGram. I need to get rid of the housekeeper, who is not only my character's driver, but also acts as a translator for her...

The housekeeper is supposed to return on Monday evening. The housekeeper will not return on Monday evening. The housekeeper will not return ever.

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2016 3:28 am

The disappearing housekeeper sounded a bit too convenient to me. She is the key to sending payment, so just before she helps with this, she goes away forever. Believable? I wasn't sure the lad would swallow it.

But, I needed her gone! So I decided to create a diversion, a smokescreen. My character could make a big fuss about something else, and then the lad would undoubtedly focus on that ... and not even notice the little sentence in the middle which said the housekeeper had left.

And then, once he'd sorted out the smokescreen problem, my character could honestly say, 'But I told you yesterday that my housekeeper had left!' As if it is old news, not suspiciously coincidental at all.

So:

My character wrote:

Hello Mr Johnson,

I hope you've had a nice Sunday.

I've been talking to my husband, and he thinks I should only pay face to face.

Mr Johnson wrote:

My love thanks for your responds and please advise that you are to pay the $2,000 which is 1820.4 Euros and as soon as paid the diplomat will proceed to UK and you can pay the balance face to face .

My character wrote:

I know. It's just that my husband said, 'Are you sure it's a real diplomat in the UK that you are paying?' And he said, 'You haven't received a single email or phone call from him, so how do you know he is real?'

And I've got no answer to those questions.

It's been a horrible day, really, coz my housekeeper has given her resignation, so we've got to find a new housekeeper really quickly. My husband will contact the agencies tomorrow.

But what should I say to him about the diplomat, coz of course he hasn't contacted me at all...

I want to send the money, but my husband says I've got no proof about this person.

What should I say to him?

Then she wrote:

Are you not online? Please, I need you help right now.

Can you talk to him? I can switch on my phone if you like.

And she wrote:

Why aren't you replying to me? I'm sitting here trying to tell my husband that it is real, and you don't even reply.

Then she wrote:

Is the Slow Motion Disease catching or something?

You could fucking well reassure my husband on the phone, but apparently you have fallen asleep.

Why are you making things so difficult??????????????

Then she wrote:

Now I've switched on my phone. Please call.

And then she wrote:

Mr Johnson, bugger this, you replied to me an hour ago, so obviously you are online. But now you ignore me? One simple phone call could sort this out.

Why are you making things so difficult for me?????

Please call me, so you can reassure my husband.

Then she wrote:

Why the fuck don't you call?

My husband just needs to be reassured, he's worried because I sent money to the wrong people before.

He's doubting more and more because after you first reply, you went silent.

Why are you doing this? It wouldn't take five minutes to make everything OK.

And finallly she wrote:

You are acting as bad as Mr Slow Motion Monday. One simple little phone call and you could have made everything right. My husband is only nervous because of the money I sent to the wrong people before. You could have reassured him, but obviously you are too damn busy eating at restaurants or having Sunday Evening Champagne to be bothered with my little requests.

Why does everyone fuck up what I'm trying to do?

I'm turning off my phone shortly. You fuck everything up.

Early the next morning, Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello my love ,

I am here and very sorry I was not in computer all through yesterday and I am here now and want to speak with you please .
Yes the diplomat moving to UK with your boxes is real and approved documents and they win meet as it will be schedule and handle the boxes with approved signing documents for your own favor if you will proceed to send the money today .

My character wrote:

If you weren't on the computer at all yesterday, then who wrote to me from your email account at half past seven in the evening (my time)?

Mr Johnson wrote:

I was the one,I sent you the email after I left the house so what is going on now,can you be able to make the payment today,so that the diploma can contact you,because that is the only what is delaying them,because is well assured that you can meet the diplomat face to face and pay the balance.

My character wrote:

You know what's going on now, I sent you lots of emails last night, asking you to talk to my husband, coz he's worried I'll be sending to a wrong person again. He said, first of all, is that the diplomat in the UK who I'm to send money to? And, if so, what proof have I got that he IS the diplomat, if I've never received an email or a phone call from him?

He was just worried, coz he thinks I can be a bit impulsive, and not think properly first.

When you kept on not replying (even though I replied quickly to the email you did send, so you must have seen it), he just got more and more doubtful about everything.

I tried to tell him, but all he said was that he'd like to speak with you. But you didn't reply. I was SO frustrated.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Oh my love very sorry,I just went to see a friend that came yesterday to see me,moreover the person you are sending the money to is the right person ,because we have concluded with the diplomat and he has agreed that as soon as the money is sent that he will contact you immediately.

My character wrote:

I know that. It's just that my husband wanted to know WHO was this person I was sending the money to. And I didn't know, that's why I wanted you to speak with him, and tell him.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay my love,I understand but you have to tell your husband that you are sending it to the real person this time,and please try to make the payment today as soon as possible because we have concluded.

My character wrote:

I feel like I'm just repeating myself all the time.

My husband thinks that I can be impulsive, and not think properly first, so he wanted to check himself by talking to you. It wouldn't have taken five minutes.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay if you want me to speak to your husband am ready.

My character wrote:

He's not here now. He's decided to open his shop on Mondays for the summer, he thinks that with the nice weather he'll get lots of customers. So he's left for town now.

That was why it was important that you called last night.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Oh sorry my love and I believe he will be back on time and can you be able to send the money today again ? Because the diplomat need to contact you ASAP .

Let's just mention again that there is NO HOUSEKEEPER there at the moment:

My character wrote:

It's not that I go around doing everything my husband wants, I'm independent and I choose for myself what I do - but, at the same time, it's not nice to deliberately go against him and cause friction. As well as this thing of him keeping on asking WHO this person is who I'm sending money to, and me not knowing the answer at all, we were also arguing a bit last night about whether to employ one housekeeper/groom, or a separate housekeeper and a separate groom. I wanted the latter, but my husband thinks that one person can manage everything fine, it was only my last housekeeper getting behind coz she would sit around drinking coffee until 10 o'clock, instead of starting work immediately at 5 o'clock like would have been sensible. Anyway, it's like there's some tension between us right now, and I don't want to make it worse. WHY won't you TELL me WHO the person is that I'm sending money to?

And then, 15 minutes later, she wrote:

My husband has just phoned, and asked if you had replied to me yet, and told me who this person is that I'm to send money to.

Of course, I had to tell him that Yes, you'd replied, but you WON'T tell me who this person is!

So he said, 'Well, that shows it is very suspicious.

I really don't get this. I do everything I can to make everything right, I'm even going to the UK, I was even prepared to go to Spain, where I've never been before. But however much I try, you and your colleagues keep messing me around, refusing to answer the SIMPLEST of questions, being evasive, or being absent.

I am finding this so totally frustrating. I've never in my life had so much difficulty with such simple things. And the fault is all on your side, you and your colleagues.

And, another 30 minutes later, she wrote:

I give up. You are not even replying to me now.

Mr Johnson wrote:

But I am replying to you now my sister

Then he wrote:

Ohh my love the person you are sending money to is the Diplomat agent in UK who will receive it and call Spain to move the boxes over to UK to help you pick it up personally and pay the balance

My character wrote:

Why couldn't you just tell me that in the first place? I don't understand why getting simple information out of you is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

If you'd just told me that 30 minutes earlier, I could have told my husband.

25 minutes later, Mr Johnson wrote:

Very sorry my love

Then he wrote:

And please let get this done quick as the diplomat is eager to proceed with boxes now... If you will proceed and send the money to diplomat agent in Uk everything will commence today as we do not have any more time to delay .

Too late. My character has gone out.

He phoned several times. I didn't answer the phone.

So he wrote:

Hello my love , where are you ?

And later he wrote:

My love where are you ?

And later again, he wrote:

How are you doing ? Please I want to hear from you ASAP

Eventually, my character wrote:

I'm doing fine; I went horseriding in the forest, then I did loads of laundry and hung it outside, did some weeding, and also took some water pistols and squirted water at the dogs. One dog thinks it is funny, but the other one isn't so amused!

That was not what he was interested in.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Hello my love yes I want want to know how this is going with the payment so you can get in contact with diplomat

My character wrote:

Well, I told you on Saturday that there was nothing I could do about this today.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay my love and I hope you will send it early tomorrow right ? So the diplomat can proceed as we scheduled .

My character wrote:

It's frustrating, coz I could have been going to Spain this week, if it wasn't for Mr Monday.

No, as I told you on Sunday, my housekeeper resigned, so she's not coming back today after all. I can try and arrange a lift with my friend Willem, but I can't promise when, yet.

And later she wrote:

I've called Willem, but it's just going to Voicemail. I left him a message saying I'd call him tomorrow. He can't call me, because my husband doesn't even know that I'm friends with him. My husband gets jealous and upset pretty easily, so it's a secret about Willem and me.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Okay my love that's fine but try and go tomorrow okay .

My character wrote:

Don't be pushy. I said I would call Willem tomorrow.

I could have been going to Spain and handing over the money tomorrow, if your Mr Monday hadn't been so crazy and rude.

It's HIM who delayed everything.

Mr Johnson wrote:

The issue is Monday wanted to make sure he will welcome you in the airport take care of your and put you in the hotel room as to make sure you are very well treated nice .
And please try as much as possible to get this done okay

My character wrote:

The issue with Mr Monday is that he was crazy - you said yourself that he's since been arrested.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Yes he is there and he will be releasing tomorrow anyway , but we have concluded to get you the boxes in UK that will be faster and owls se if you can send the 2000 tomorrow I will appreciate .

'Owls'? There will be no 2000 sent tomorrow, with or without owls.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Housekeeper issue cleverly dealt with, Branwen. Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2016 5:15 pm

This lad really IS a keeper, and well played. It's baits like this that make me wish I had more patience!

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2016 6:48 pm

I shouldn't have taken the mickey out of your Mr Johnsons.

I have now got one of my own.

Quote:

URGENT Attention: MY Dear THIS MAN CALL Mr.johnson Edward COME TO THIS OFFICE AND WANT TO CLIAM YOUR SUM OF $5.8million SO WE NEED YOUR REPLAY TO KNOW IF YOUR SENT HIM

I'm working on my replay as I type.

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2016 1:46 pm

The problem with this lad is that before the hacker intervention, he was rather boring. And now that the hacker seemed to have disappeared, he was rapidly heading back to Being Boring again.

There are more interesting lads to write to, so I thought I'd simply let this one go now, and focus on others.

But then a strange thing happened....

Firstly, though, this is where my patience with Boring Emails ran out:

Mr Johnson wrote:

Good my love and very happy hearing from you and moreover I want to know if you have the chance to send the money today to compete everything ..

So: bye lad.

My character wrote:

No, I didn't even call Willem. There's no point. Last night, I told my husband that you'd said it was the 'diplomat's agent' who I had to send the money to, and my husband said that diplomats don't have 'agents'. He said:

- the diplomat was nameless;
- there was an unlikely 'diplomat's agent'
- the diplomat had never contacted me

and therefore the whole thing was too suspicious. He said it was totally different when I was going to have a face to face meeting and hand the payment to a real live person, but he didn't like this sending money to a strange agent of a nameless, contactless diplomat, and he didn't want me to do it.

Stalemate. The lad either hasn't got anyone to meet my character, or the prospective meeting-lad insists on advance payment first. And my character's husband doesn't want her to send the money.

As expected, at this the lad went silent.

And then, last night, I had a call from Spain. Why? Mr Monday, the crazy diplomat, is apparently released from custody now, but surely he wouldn't call. And the UK diplomat is still in the UK, awaiting payment before he collects the trunk boxes from Spain.

I didn't answer the phone, however; I don't even think the caller wanted me to answer it; they cancelled the call very quickly, as if they suddenly realised they'd called a wrong number. But almost immediately, there was a call from Nigeria.

Original Mr Johnson always used to call using a US number. Then suddenly it changed to a Nigerian number - and I don't think he realises this. Suddenly I wondered if he had a Spanish number as well, and had accidentally used that. Previously I'd assumed that lad-with-Spanish-number was indeed in Spain. But maybe not....

Anyway, this wasn't Original Mr Johnson's usual Nigerian number, but it absolutely sounded like him. For a start, he doesn't say 'Johnson' the way I would say it; he always introduces himself as 'Mr John-SHUN'.

So the caller said he was Mr John-Shun, and how was it going, and so I said he knew what had happened, and then we had a long conversation which went round in silly circles, but eventually Mr Johnson said that the trunk boxes were now back in the USA, but would be flown to Ghana, and my character could go there and collect them.

I said, 'What about the diplomat in the UK?' and Mr Johnson said, 'There is no diplomat in the UK.'

Then he gave the Hacker Mr Johnson's secret code number.

Oh.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't the Hacker Mr Johnson I was speaking to, though. Hacker Mr Johnson is quite clear spoken, and has a pleasant, jolly sort of voice. This caller was more difficult to understand, and sort of slurred a bit ... exactly like Original Mr Johnson.

And yet ... he did seem genuinely confused about the 'diplomat in the UK'. And he said he hadn't received any email regarding my character's husband's thoughts on the matter, and he demanded for ages, 'Tell me the contents of the email,' over and over, getting quite shouty about it.

Eventually, he got cut off - hopefully, his phone credit ran out.

I don't know who was calling me, really, but I thought I'd write to Original Mr Johnson.

So my character wrote:

Was it you who called me twice tonight?

It sounded like you, but in the end he used the Hacker's code. But he wasn't the Mr Johnson that I sent the money to when I was in Shetland, I'm pretty sure of it. THAT Mr Johnson spoke quite differently.

Anyway, he said that the trunk boxes have now been moved to Atlanta, but they can be sent to Ghana, and I can meet up with someone (a diplomat, maybe, I didn't quite understand it) there, and pay there.

I'm just a bit confused who it was.

I'll copy and paste this email to another Mr Johnson as well.

Original Mr Johnson wrote:

The email is not from me is the hackers, and i was not the one tha called, please forward everythiing for me as soon as possible okay.

He wants something forwarded? OK. He can have a forwarded email from my fake lad.

My character wrote:

It was just two phone calls I got yesterday evening. I thought it was you, and was talking as if it was you, and then I got confused about the trunk boxes being back in Atlanta, and that I should go to Ghana, and I said But why not the UK? and then it seemed that the Mr Johnson I was talking to didn't know anything about the UK diplomat, and then he used the Hacker's code (I think - it's just numbers, and I can't really remember the right sequence now), and it was all very confusing.

I didn't write to the Hacker's email address (your old email address), I just wrote the same sort of email that I wrote to you, to another Mr Johnson. I've forwarded his reply below - he says it wasn't him either.

There is a 3rd Mr Johnson, but I don't think it was him. And there was a 4th Mr Johnson, but I never wrote to him, so he doesn't have my telephone number.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: James Johnson <my fake lad address>
Date: Wed, Jul 20, 2016 at 11:23 PM
Subject: Re: Phone Call
To: [my character]

No it was not me, i told you that you are dealing with scammers, you didnt listen and went ahead with wrong people.

If you still want to conclude the delivery you must write only to this address, am waiting to hear from you.

Thanks

Mr James Johnson
Head officer in charge
Administrative Service Inspection Unit

I thought that the lad would write back, but there's no email so far. Somebody phoned this afternoon using Hacker Mr Johnson's American phone number, but I didn't answer it in time - which is a pity.

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2016 5:04 pm

I wonder if original Mr. Johnson is playing at being hacker Mr. Johnson. Shocked

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2016 12:20 pm

^ It's possible. They could well know each other, too.

Original Mr Johnson wrote again by evening.

He wrote:

Thanks and the person is a fraudsters and very happy you do not listen to them again because they are all hackers.

Please i need to know when you will be online so we can talk okay.

Thanks for your understanding and carefullness .

My character wrote:

I had a phone call today from an American number which I think is another Mr Johnson's number, but I didn't answer it in time (I was in the kitchen), and he hasn't rung back yet.

I don't know why all the Mr Johnsons are contacting me again, they stopped for a little while.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Thanks my love that's why I told you that they are hackers and they stole your money last time and try to steal from you again and this time it won't work out because this my email is the only email I have now and do not give it out or answer any email message that's not from this email Okay..

Then he wrote:

And how are you making plans to send the $2,000 to the diplomat agent Henry Shop, so the delivery can commence

My character wrote:

Who is Henry Shop? I thought he was called Jeanne Dubois.

I've changed the names for these people, as they might be victim-mules. But the changed names sort of mirror the names the lad used - a man with an unlikely surname; and a woman who the lad believes is male (so I call her 'him' too).

Mr Johnson wrote:

Jeanne Dubois is the diplomat agent and not the diplomat in charge to meet you in UK .. The diplomat to meet you in UK is Henry Shop and can you send the money tomorrow to the Jeanne dubois

My character wrote:

Well, like I told you, my husband doesn't want me to send money to anyone that I've never had any contact with.

He would prefer me to pay face to face, like the other Mr Johnson said last night (he said I could go and pay a REAL person in either the USA or Ghana - I thought that Ghana sounded better, because the USA is a long time to be flying - I went there on vacation last year - and also coz I've never been to Ghana, so it would be exciting), but if that is really impossible (though I don't understand why, coz I could be in the UK so quickly), then he says I MUST have contact with the diplomat first.

Mr Johnson wrote:

My love UK is more better than Ghana and do not travel to Ghana because those hackers may kill you there because they are very wicked .

My character wrote:

Kill me? Do you think they would? That's horrible.

But what if I went to America? It is a horribly long and boring flight, and seems a bit silly when the flight to the UK is only about 40 minutes, but that would be safer, don't you think?

I went to New York last year, and though there were some suspicious looking people I saw sometimes, I had no trouble there at all, it was very peaceful. You remember I told you that I supported a family in Moldova? Well, one of the daughters of the family had a dream to go to New York. The family is very very poor, and she could never live her dream, she thought - and so I decided to take her! She loved it!

The lad didn't reply, so two hours later, I pretended that my character had received a phone call:

She wrote:

Just to check: it was YOU who just now called and said I should go to London and meet the diplomat there, and give him the payment there?

As I said, then certainly I can arrange my flight for early next week.

I'll be glad to get this all sorted out and finished.

Still no reply, but another two hours later, an email arrived from Hacker Mr Johnson's email address:

Hacker Mr Johnson or whoever wrote:

Sequel To Our phone conversation yesterday , We have notice abuse on our email correspondence with you and hereby issuing this report for you to stop further dealings with those contacting you with the email we sent you from Office Using My Name As Mr James Johnson.

[ramble, ramble, ramble, copy and pasted from some opening script or other....]

Having received this notice today you are requested to clear the outstanding tax through Diplomat to enable our Office our delivery receive transfer reference from the Treasury to complete your delivery to you in due time.

I replied to it the next day (today).

My character wrote:

But the trunk boxes are now either in Spain or the UK.

Hacker Mr Johnson or whoever wrote:

Good Day Sir,

is another lie to get money out from you , have done told you, should not believe them your trunk boxes still remains here and has not left because the legal papers are not yet procured for delivery thats why your charge total of $6,800 all this fee includes tax your wiliness to send the fee we will commence for the delivery of your two trunk boxes

'Sir'?

My Very Female character wrote:

If you were the real Mr Johnson, then you wouldn't address me as 'Sir'.

Hacker Mr Johnson or whoever wrote:

i talk to different people every day that i address you as sir make no change your concern is should be how this delivery can commence and be delivered legally to your door step and should be no more fee after this very total fee of $6,800

My character wrote:

It makes a lot of difference. It proves that you don't know who I am at all.

The lad obviously then thought that my character was upset because he wasn't using her name. Not because she was being addressed as a man. I guess that he doesn't know that women aren't called 'Sir'.

So he started using her name endlessly.

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

Dear Shani,

well i have address you by name now sorry the first mail to you, Shani this will not help you it will only cost you pain and more damages which you have started already you have sent 200pounds to those people and even have wasted the $6,800 which i told you this is the only fee to deliver your trunk boxes to you i did told you that if you sent the money to them they will have nothing to deliver to you and now have not seen that this people wantto run you down they have nothing to offer you because they don't have anything that belonging to you legally you won't listen why you have to come to your senses Shani

My character ... Shani ... wrote:

Well, if I go to London and meet the diplomat face to face, then I'll find out what's true or not, won't I?

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

Shani don't be a fool Shani they will only ask you to have money along with to meet with the fake diplomat i have told you Shani don't be a fool i just pity you because you don't know what you going into now being a woman they will even rap you and also go away with the money you have they have nothing to offer you shani listen to me they said they have something for you and you paid them more than this $6,800 was this money not suppose to deliver to you if they have anything for you? ask your self a question and dont be greedy going for nothing will continue to loose more

Shani wrote:

I don't like your attitude. If you were the REAL Mr Johnson, then you would know that I am not keeping any of this money for myself - it is all going to charities. I don't need the money. I inherited from my grandparents, and so I already have much more money than I will ever need.

So don't call me 'greedy'. You are so totally wrong.

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

don't misquote me okay the issue remain that you will get nothing out from those people you have sent money the money your sending come to think of it if you actually want to give to the charity at list you should give what you have , ok well now i can understand this is people you have been sending money are the charity ok get you wast your money on them

Shani wrote:

Well, I know that. I know that I sent money to the wrong person or persons. And I know that some are fakes and scammers. One even confessed to me what he'd been doing. He's Nigerian. And actually we are kind of friends now.

But anyway, I've got no reason to think that the diplomat in London is fake.

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

Shani be prepared to loose your life and money once you step your foot in London

Shani wrote:

Er... I've been to London before, you know! And I didn't die of it!!!!!

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

Shani you never went there because of this people

Shani wrote:

It's still the same city, though.

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

Shani what is the purpose of you going there don't take the risk shani i will call you now

Shani wrote:

I'm eating a Magnum. I can't talk on the phone right now.

(Which was true!)

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

Shani call me when done

No, I don't thinks so. You spend your money, lad.

Two minutes later, Original Mr Johnson emailed:

He wrote:

Hello my love , how are you doing today ? Please I need to hear from you ASAP , because diplomat is ready and I want you to proceed and send the $2000 today so this delivery will be successfully send to UK so you can pick it up .

Shani wrote:

It's like 2 for the price of 1 - another Mr Johnson is writing to me too at the moment.

He didn't reply. I'm wondering if he has a 18:00 to 09:00 internet deal. I've been told (by another lad) that this is a cheaper way of buying internet in Nigeria and, of late, he has only contacted me between those hours. It was now 09:00 his time.

Hacker Mr Johnson called me later. It definitely was him this time. He talked on the phone for one hour before his credit ran out, then he took another phone and called me back. Oops, he forgot about the Nigerian number being displayed on my phone.

Presumably he couldn't use the American number on this phone. Or he forgot to use it, maybe.

His subjects of conversation were:

- What could happen when one goes to meet a scammer. He must have spent over half an hour on this subject. He may be a very good actor, but he did sound genuinely concerned and worried. He gave thorough details of what would probably happen. And what could happen. And pleaded with her, mentioning every member of her family he could remember who loved her and wanted her safe.

- That led on to God loving her and wanting her alive too, which then caused him to pause and ask if she believed in God. Shani does, and used to go to a charismatic church when she lived in Aberdeen. In the Netherlands, her local churches are apparently very different (I have no idea if that is true or not, of course), as well as being in a language foreign to her, so she doesn't go to church anymore. 'What?' cried the lad, 'You MUST go to church!' So they argued about that for a while.

- Then came the subject of babies. Shani's husband doesn't want children. 'But you MUST have babies!' said the lad, 'You MUST have children to love you! You are a woman!!!' He suggested that Shani divorce her husband. When Shani sounded doubtful, the lad said 'Then make babies with another man! You MUST have your children!'

- We eventually got to Money, and The Payment. Lad said, 'Test me in this - you can afford it. Send me the payment and then wait and see. Then I will have the trunk boxes delivered to you, and you will see that I am Real. There will no further demands for payments, like the scammers make, I promise you. The trunk boxes will be delivered to you - or to your bank, if you prefer.' Shani agreed that this was a good idea. But she needs to speak to her husband first, because he wanted her to meet the diplomat face to face and pay him then. Though, said Shani, he hadn't realised the dangers in that, either.

So now Hacker Mr Johnson believes he has won The Battle of the Johnsons. I'll probably go with him for a while, because he is the more entertaining of the Mr Johnsons. I'm not sure whether or not he knows that at the moment Shani is without a driver (and translator) to help her send money - but her new housekeeper/groom/driver/translator will arrive at the end of next week. The 'translator' part is going to be tricky, though. As Shani wrote, regarding her, to another (unconnected) lad this morning:

Quote:

...the only downside is that she doesn't speak much English

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2016 12:31 pm

So much entertainment! This is amazing.

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:43 am

The day after the above phone call with Hacker Mr Johnson, Shani wrote to him:

She wrote:

I talked with my husband last night, and he is very glad that you warned me about the dangers of meeting someone in London. That other Mr Johnson has written to me again, asking me if I've booked my flight yet, and I don't know whether to write back to him, or whether it would be best to just ignore him. If I ignore him, though, he will probably phone, and I won't know it is him until I answer, coz it always shows as Private Number, just like some others (like with my friend Emma).

Anyway, I told my husband all about how we had a nice long talk (though I didn't mention anything about what you said about babies!), and he says that you really must be the real Mr Johnson, and he thinks that I should go ahead and send the payment to Ms [Mule].

This 'other Mr Johnson' is just my invention; a fake lad who I can write and backdate emails from, should I wish to forward them.

Hacker Mr Johnson wrote:

Shani i will advice you ignore his email and never border to reply and when they call you first ask for the code if provide never provide you with 2468 just abort the call ok and when you got email without this code 2468 don't reply okay

Then he wrote:

In Pursuant to our phone conversation.This is to let you know that we are leaving nothing behind in our bid to give you the very best of representation in this transaction. i am happy your husband appreciate all our advise towards this regards.

All you have to do now is comply with the delivery permit as contained in the delivery Permit Tax document and refers to the payment of $6,800.00.(Six Thousand Eight Hundred Dollars)

Once this is done, and confirms receipt of this money, we will make a successful delivery to your provided address within 48 hours and you can be sure to welcome our delivery man immediately within the period of this hours at door step and without let or hindrance.

Payment is to be made via Western Union or money gram to

<Mule Info>

The final completion of this transaction today will depend on your ability to remit the requested fee of $6,800 USD. However, the correction of the Two trunk boxes will be perfected and the delivery tracking will be sent to you so you can track the delivery online and know when package will arrive your home.

We will be looking forward to receive the MTCN # for the $6,800 USD within a short while.

Your due diligence is required as we intend to finish this delivery by Wednesday next week. You are to provide all necessary information after payment to enable the pick up the fund.Please do not keep the FSA waiting.

Shani wrote:

I thought I told you that the prospective new housekeeper is coming today for an interview, and to meet the dogs and horses etc. Though, actually, it may have been one of the other Mr Johnsons that I told.

But anyway, she will be here all day (my husband has even taken the day off work!), so that's what I'll be busy with today.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Ok when should payment be sent out so we can start get prepared for the shipping of the trunk boxes

Shani wrote:

I'll need to phone my friend Willem, and see when he is free to drive me to Drachten or Ureterp. I can't phone him today, though, because my husband doesn't know about him being my friend. (He gets a bit uptight and jealous about other men.)

I'll find privacy to call Willem tomorrow, though.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Ok but you should be very careful now so you don't make communication again with those other people , we will wait to here from you as soon possible i even tried call you it seems your phone is switched off

Shani wrote:

Yes, my phone is switched off, the possible new housekeeper will be here any moment, so I'll be busy with her all day. I didn't write back to that other Mr Johnson, and the third Mr Johnson hasn't written since yesterday morning.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Ok i will advice as soon as you get email from them just delete from your mail box , don't even read to know the content of there mail avoid it not to distract you and again it might even bring for your attention with them so please you have to avoid anything that will distract you in regards to this delivery ok

He phoned again today. Had Shani been to church? (No.) Was she sending the money tomorrow? (No.) When then?

Completely and conveniently forgetting about Friend-Willem-the-Driver, Shani said that she was employing the housekeeper they'd spent the day with yesterday, and that she was moving in on Wednesday.

'So you can go on Wednesday? asked the lad.

'I can't send the money all at once, though, can I?' asked Shani, neatly sidestepping the question about Wednesday.

And so they talked about possible ways to send the money, and then about Shani's lack of church-attendance again, and then said Goodbye, with the question of Wednesday nicely unanswered.

Interestingly, Original Mr Johnson has not been in touch since Shani decided to go with Hacker Mr Johnson. Which makes me wonder if they are now working together. Or he could just be away or otherwise occupied for the weekend, I guess. Hacker Mr Johnson is still worried about Shani getting swept away by another Mr Johnson (he said he would phone again this evening!), but that might be concern about my fake one.

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 6:14 am

And, after the above, the lad became very lazy. No more emails, just one phone call on Monday ('Are you paying today?') and one phone call on Wednesday ('Are you paying today?').

How could I force him to write emails?

I decided to have problems with the new housekeeper/driver. She is called Femke, she is Frisian, she speaks very little English .... and she doesn't want to drive Shani to Western Union or MoneyGram.

So, to Hacker Mr Johnson, Shani wrote:

Femke wasn't at all happy about Western Union etc, and it was really difficult to find out what her problem was, because her English is so limited. We ended up using Google Translate to converse, but it seems that Google Translate isn't as good as I thought it was, it kept leaving in English words when I was trying to translate it for her, and goodness knows what it was doing to her language, it's just a mess.

Anyway, it seemed that she thought that Western Union was only used by fakes, so I ended up showing her the first email you had sent me, so she could understand. Of course, I had to copy and paste that into Google Translate too, and goodness knows how it came out, because she was just shaking her head at it.

Then she typed something into Google Translate, but this is the 'translation' it came out with:

This can never be good because it went about cutting boxes a lot of money in there and hey, I never heard of. And the mail is full of strange things that do not make sense, you can not gin money verfiere in boxes across the border because that is smokkelje and mow not. And then they also have money certainly ask? Then the Volges me to make sure that it is not dooget. You must do this no exam because those guys do not fit. Who Sulke things skruwd may be inaccurate.

Which isn't understandable at all.

So we have agreed to wait until my husband comes home, so he can be a translator for us. Sorry about this, but she's really worried about something, and saying No! No! - and it's worrying me now.

Hacker Mr Johnson phoned. He really wanted Shani to go to WU and MG that afternoon, so said that he would write to Femke. 'She will understand me,' he said.

I hurriedly set up an email account for Femke.

And then, to Femke, Mr Johnson wrote:

Get Back To Me What You Mean About The Western Union This Is In Regards For The delivery Of Miss Shani Consignment Delivery
Thanks

Femke wrote back in Frisian. It is true that the Frisian-English translator does not work well, at least not with Femke's Frisian. When the lad translated it, this is what he would have got:

Quote:

This is not good, there are boxes of gin mowing money and the united nations give gin money pep. And hey, I heard about that western union that allinig used by criminals. If Shani mut pay cut that western union then sent them money to criminals and that he also told her. I will also not discuss cutting Jelle, because this can not be so.

Undaunted, Mr Johnson wrote back, and used the translator to translate it into (equally muddled) Frisian for her.

Translated back to English, he wrote:

hello Femke I want you to know that western union is not made for criminals, western union here in united states is produced to help send and receive money for minors, yes it is true that criminals use western union, but this is not the same

I can understand what you're saying, I want you to know that the money requested from Shani was the only payment needed for the delivery of the consignment boxes, do not think Shani is sending the fee for criminal ok

here in the United states everyone is under the monitor so you can not walk away if smuggle money, anyone who is caught will be imprisoned here, I work as a staff and I can not partake in any evil act ok, feel free to do business with us, and I promise you will not regret it ok

Then he wrote:

I want you to know that all the legal document will supply as soon as the fee is sent and the legal document will also be delivered in addition to the Consignments boxes so that supply will not keep to the limit, I want you to know that this not a scam ok, we have scam artist everywhere, so everyone has to be vigilant, I know you are trying to protect Shani, but that is not what you think ok

Shani is on the right part ok to be free and I promise that nothing will go wrong ok, allow me to do my work here, this is my orders ok, Shani have to go through with the use of western union money gram so that we can get this done ok

Femke wrote back in Frisian, which confusingly translates to:

Quote:

There are boxes of gin with money from the united nations, it is a scam. When Jelle back is sal I was with him about KWF.

Nonetheless, the lad continued, and wrote:

Femke You must allow Shani to receive the consignment ok, dont be a barrier to the will of God, ok, that has been Shani dream to help the poor, allow Shani to receive the consignment so that she can go on with the help of the less privilege , and note that this is not a scam ok

And then to Shani, he wrote:

Good Day Miss Shani , I Have Sent Email To Femke , I See Know Reason Why You Want To Delay This Delivery Or Even Sending As Agreed Whats This Delay All About Shani Kindly proceed By Sending The Fee from Western Union Or You Can Sent It Using The Account I Provided Or Can I Send It Again If Using Western Union Will Be The Problem Why Not sent To The Account

No reply from either Femke or Shani, so the lad started phoning every couple of minutes. I happily ignored him for an hour or so.

Finally Shani answered the phone, and said that her husband wanted to speak to him. Husband (played by the vampire) had been talking with Femke, of course, and was now very confused by the 'boxes of money' that Shani would be receiving. Where had they come from? Who was giving them to Shani, and WHY?

Apparently, up until now, he thought that Shani was the recipient of a United Nations Grant for Charitable Works. That was OK - but boxes of money from an unknown source seemed very strange to him.

The lad is pretty quick thinking, and so spent half an hour exhibiting that, by twisting the story into something that he thought Shani's husband would believe and approve of. Husband, however, ended by saying that he needed to speak again with Shani and Femke, and also to read the initial email that Shani received, before he made up his mind about this.

The lad then emailed Shani, and confirmed his final story to her. Basically, he has entwined a Dying Widow scam into his Trunk Boxes at the Airport scam.

Mr Johnson wrote:

Good Day Miss Shani,

Mrs. Doris A. Jordan is the person who is willing this consignment but being that here in United States, it was under the United Nation to release this consignment to the people who are willing to do the work of God and your among the list that there names appear is about 7th in the list and your the 5th person in the list

Thanks very much for allowing me to speak with your husband here i want to make it clear to you, sequel to our phone conversation and it is very well
appreciated , and I pray that God will answer all your needs as you agreed to carry on this project.

this is Mrs. Doris A. Jordan wright up before she choose you

I want you to know that you are not doing this to help me, but you are
doing it to help the needy and the less fortunate in our society. And
let me state here that it’ was never a mistake to choose you, you are
to use the fund to locate the needy,less privilege especially the
children. Bring life again to them and tell them that someone loves
them, and I tell you joy will never depart from your home. For
whatsoever you do to the least of your brothers, that you have done
onto him.

Mrs. Doris A. Jordan request prayer from you as you receive this consignment

Let me use this opportunity to ask for your prayers, I don't want to
die, I want to live and declare the glory of God upon my life. I know
that I will definitely come out of this sickness because I have the
faith, my faith is based on Job's experienced in the bible, people
thought that Job will die, he lost everything he had but he believed
God and finally he was restored, I am giving out everything because
my doctor advised that my impending Surgery 50 /50 death or alive
chance. I can tell you now that life means nothing to me , I mean
nothing.

let me state here that i have no doubt in my mind accepting you to
do this work but let the will of God to be done.

secure the necessary legal documents which will help to facilitate the
processing of the fund release to you by the United Nation.

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