Ugly ladette fills 28 page church form - or almost...

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Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 4:01 pm

One day, Kathy Morgan walked into one of my characters inbox.

Kathy Morgan wrote:

HELLO

I wish to know if you can help me with a voluntary assignment that can fatch you little income to meet you extra/additional expenditures. Please reply to this email if you are interested in discussing the offer.

Kathy Morgan

Blake Beerd wrote:

What assignment?

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Nice reading from you.

Please note that this is not an job opening rather a voluntary assignment which will help you with little income to meet your extra needs. We are organized retired military wife's forum (a non government organization) assisting the victims of Boko Haram in Chad and Cameroon.I am writing you because of the challenges we are having in receiving donation from our interested donors there in United States.

Good numbers of them are finding it difficult to send their donation via money transfer, they now seek that we provide them with a United States base bank account so that they can send their donation to the account.

I humbly request to know if you can help us with one so that our donors can redeem their donations through the account while you send the donation to us via money transfer and we are very ready to reward you for your services.

Have a good day as I wait to read your opinion.

Blake Beerd wrote:

I'd like to se your website.

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Thank you for your message.

We Retired Military Wife's Forum need a volunteer who will be in charge of our donation from the United States.

Blake Beerd wrote:

Ok, can I see your website?

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Our website (www.citysecgroup.com) was shot down because people are abusing it.

Kindly assist us if you can.

Blake Beerd wrote:

Yes, I am interested in donating to charity, but I first need to know what I will be supporting, and I also need to see a budget for your charity project. If it looks reasonable, I will show it to my local priest, he can probably help with even more money.

Kindly get back to me.

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Hello Sir,

I was pleased when I read your message and was so sorry I could not reply immediately because I and my term went to Sierra Leone to support our volunteer there in the fight to eradicate Lassa Fever an acute viral hemorrhagic illness which is one of the major public health threat here in Africa.

Find attached the budget for this year and I pray that through the grace of God you and your priest will give us your best assistance as we are urgently in need of finance to support the victims of the Lassa fever in Sierra Leone and other African regions.

Have a good day as I wait to read from you.
Kathy

Attached:

Blake Beerd wrote:

Thank you. I took this to church today to show the vicar, and he told me to come by his office on Wednesday, and he will see what he can do to cover some of those expenses for you. I will write you as soon as I know the result.

Blake

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Thank you very much Sir I so much appreciate your kind support.

I look forward to your favorable update today as you promised.

Have a good day as I wait to read from you.

Kathy.

Blake Beerd wrote:

Mrs. Morgan,

The vicar told me to ask you to send him an email. His address is [snipped], and you can refer to my name tell him that you have an appointment through me. The church does a lot of charity, and they are willing to look into your case. I weish you the best of luck, and I would appreciate it if you kept me updated of your progress.

Best of luck!

Sincerely,
Blake

Kathy wrote the vicar.

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Kathy Morgan

Good day Vicar,

It is a pleasure to write you sir, hope you are doing well.

I am Mrs. Kathy Morgan from Retired Military Wife’s Forum.

A member of your church by name Blake Beerd asked me to contact you in respect of the voluntary assistance you and your church wish to give to us.

Sir, I will be very obliged if you can look into our case and grant us favor to enable us keep the mission of our organization going on.

Enjoy the rest of your day as I wait to read from you.

Kathy.

She was a bit impatient, though.

Kathy to Blake wrote:

Hello Blake,

Hope you are doing fine.

I have write the vicar as you directed but never read from him.

Please I will be glad if you can plead our course before him.

Have a good day.

Kathy.

Blake to Kathy wrote:

Hi Kathy,

Just be patient, he is a busy man, but a good man. Smile

I am sure he will get back to you as soon as he can. If you haven't heard from him in a weeks time, let me know, and I will go knock on his door and ask. Smile

Hope everything is well.

Blake

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

I am very pleased to find your email in my inbox. I would like you to know that I am the pastor of a church and I am very interested in your proposition. My church has many means by which we can distribute funds. You and your family seem like a worthy cause, God Bless You!

Now, as for possible fees that may come along with the transaction, my church can cover them. However, we can only cover a small amount, up to $93,500 USD. Our church gives annually about 10.3 million in charitable givings every year. We have a few churches around the country and we are definitely looking for new ways to make money. As it is getting to be the end of the year over there, it is also getting to be the end of the year in my neck of the woods. We have left in our donations account the $93,500 that I mentioned earlier. Off of the top of my head, I cannot remember exactly when our fiscal year ends, but it is definitely soon. Now, your case is definitely a bit different than most cases that we work with, since we would be getting some money in return. We will have to handle this a little differently.

I will need a bit more detail about how you would like to proceed with this transaction. Our standard procedures will be discussed when I hear more.

Looking forward to hearing from you
Rev. Crockett

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Good morning Rev Crockett,

I am pleased to read from you, thanks for finding time to respond to my email.

We are nonprofit organization that takes care of the displaced people and underprivileged.

I contacted Mr. Blake Beerd seeking that he provide us with a united states bank account so that through the account our donors in the united states who does not have the chance to send us their donation through western union or money gram can redeem it through the online bank account which he will provide to enable him pick up the cash and send to us via western union or money gram and we have compensation for that.

And when Mr. Blake told me that you’re church can assist us financially I was very pleased but if you have changed your mind from helping us financially, then kindly let me know if you can provide for us a united state based online bank account where our other donors can deposit their pledged.

Have a nice day as I wait to read from you.

Kathy

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

I am glad to hear back from you. You are right, this is a divine appointment. God will truly bless our transaction. As I stated before, in order to receive your $93,500, you must become a member of our organization. Do you wish to become a member? If you have any questions about our faith, you may refer to our website for any information you might need. Some of the site is not functioning correctly because of the recent hurricanes, and due to this it is going through maintenance.

However, your account has been set up with the $93,500 for when you become a member. We will go throught with the transaction as soon as your induction is over. Our particular location is in Orlando, FL though we have about 300 churches across the nation. We are still recovering from recent hurricane damage down here, so please pray for us. Email me soon.

God bless your soul
Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett

Kathy somehow had a problem with that, though.

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Good morning Rev Crockett,

How I wish you can release the donation to us unconditionally, for the donation will go along way helping the resent insurgent displace people in Somalia.

However, please understand that I don't have to become your member to receive a donation from you. We have donors scatted all over the world and neither me nor any member of Retired Military Wife's Forum are a member to their groups.

If you desire to help us please go ahead to enable us meet the needs of these underprivileged and insurgent displaced people that are receiving different kinds of help under our umbrella.

It may interest you to know that these legions of people are not members of our organization, it is a charity work and they don't have to give anything in return.

Have a good day.

Kathy

Yeah, you wish, sista! Laughing

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

Dearest Mrs. Morgan,

Excuse me?
"please understand that I don't have to become your member to receive a donation from you."

I am afraid that these are church rules, and there is no way around them. Do not tell me, a priest of God, what the rules of our church are and are not. That is heresy! Trying to lecture me will only earn you a prolonged time in the purgatory. I can assure you that it is quite necessary, and that no money will be transferred until you are accepted as a member.

May the Lord open your eyes.
Rev. D. Crockett

That seemed to work.

Kathy Morgan wrote:

What shall I do to become a member of your church?

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

You can obtain membership of our church by filling out an application form, enclosing a photo of yourself holding a sign with the text 'I follow Saint Baytor'. Our board will review the application, and if they accept that we proceed with your initiation, there is a few formalities to address. After this, our community will welcome your organisation into our ranks, and we can start getting to work. I have attached the membership form for your convenience. The donation amount will be cleared as soon as you obtain membership. There will be absolutely no fees involved or any money to be paid on your part in regard to the church, the donation or the membership in general.

If you are still interested, and if you are ready to join our small but righteous flock, please reply swiftly and confirm, so we can set up everything on our part.

God bless your soul
Sincerely,
Rev. D. Crockett

Kathy still didn't seem convinced. She wrote Blake again.

Kathy to Blake wrote:

Your Vicar wants me to become your member before he can release the donation to us. I therefore want to know what are required to become your church member.

I wait to read from you.

Blake to Kathy wrote:

Hello Mrs. Morgan, and happy forthcoming Easter in the name of the Lord and Saint Baytor.

Well, it's a long time since I became a member, I was brought into the church community with my parents when I was a child, so I pretty much grew up as a holy smoker, so to speak. Didn't the reverend tell you what the requirements are?

Blake

Kathy to Blake wrote:

Thanks and same to you. He just sent me a form today to fill but the form is not opening.

Kathy to the Rev wrote:

Thanks for the form but it is not opening, I will prefer that you send the form attachment via Microsoft Word.

How do I get the sign of saint Baytor?

Thank you.

Kathy

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

Dear Mrs. Morgan,

Kindly download and open it, it is a pdf file. I don't have a Word version available, unfortunately. You need Adobe Acroba Reader or similar to read it.

The sign is to be be produced by yourself. Just take a large piece of paper or card, write down the sentence on it in handwriting, and hold that for the photo.

Thanks and Lord watch over you,
Rev. Crockett

Kathy still appeared sceptic.

Kathy Morgan wrote:

Happy Easter Sunday,

Rev, hope you a having a good Easter celebration with your household.

I wish to inform you that I have the form filled out and the picture but before I can send on to you the filled form and my photograph I will need you to send a prove of Fund to me.

Rev didn't take that lightly.

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

Dearest Mrs. Morgan,

I am afraid that our procedure does not call for such things. If you do not truly believe that our Church is able to fulfill our promises, you are free to apply for support from other organisations. I can recommend Red Cross, SOS Children Villages, or ChurchAid, just to name a few examples that basicallydoes the same kind of charity that we do. We are just one NGO among many. If you do not feel comfortable working with us, we are not insisting in any way. But you have to understand, that poverty in this Earthly life i abundant, and the need for aid is vast. If we were to disclose our financial situation to any applicant, all our resources would be wasted on administration and shyster lawyers, so natually, we do not do this. We are here to help people in need, not to help attorneys make money.

Our charity donations are given out of good faith and in pact with our Lord, Father and Saviour, blessed be His name! Halleluyah! Good golly miss Molly! We are not forcing our faith on anyone, so if you feel that you will get a better treatment with another charity, we will not hold it against you, but will pray for your soul.

I am awaiting your final decision in this matter.

God open your eyes,
Rev. D. Crockett

I had actually given up on her at this point. Then, a few days later...

Sabrina Burks wrote:

Attention Rev David Crockett,

My names are Ms. Sabrina Burks, co-founder Retired Military Wife;s Forum, a non-profit organization contributing to the welfare of the insurgent displaced people and the underprivileged here in Africa.

I am writing to let you know my desire to replace my colleague Mrs. Kathy Morgan on the matter concerning the donation you and your church want to give our organization since she has chosen to decline because of her faith.

Kindly let me know if I can take her place in your church so that this donation can come true, you have seen our budget for the year and you and I know that this amount will go far helping us with most of our projects, so I cannot afford to let the fund go.

I sent the same reply as I sent to "Kathy Morgan".

Sabrina Burks wrote:

I am ready, what shall I DO?

I sent her the same email and the same form as to "Kathy Morgan".

Sabrina Burks wrote:

Rev Crockett,

Thank you for your message.

My photo is ready but have not fill the form yet. To enable me fill the form correctly, kindly explain to me in details what can make your Church board reject or accept my application.

Have a good day.
Sabrina

Hmm, she seemed really keen. Twisted Evil

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

Dear madam Sabrina,

As I am not a member of the board, I am not aware what they will put emphasis on. However, I do know that applications has previously been rejected for not being filled out correctly, not being filled by hand, and not being scanned in colour. Other than that, I am afraid that the board does not disclose what criteria they find important. It is, however, rare that an applicant gets rejected, if the aforementioned is done correctly.

God bless you,
Rev. D. Crockett

That seemed to please her.

Sabrina Burks wrote:

Good morning my dear Rev. David Crockett,

Hope you are doing well this beautiful Sunday Sir? I could not get back to you all this while because I went on field work. I was the leader of the team sent to immunize infant children over polio.

Sir I attached two of my pictures in this email, I want you to identify the one that fits most as I don't want anything that will warrant your church council to cancel this opportunity you brought to us.

I wait for your reply.

Sabrina.

Attached:

Bang-ding! I love trophies! Very Happy

Rev. D. Crockett wrote:

Dear Miss Burke,

My opinion matters little, as I am not a member of the board, and thus I will not be a part of the decision. However, you should make sure that both the text and your face is visible in the photo. I would suggest asking a friend to hold the camera and take the photo.

Gods blessings,
Rev. D. Crockett

I think she's a keeper. My guts are telling me, that she'll come through and fill the form, as the good ladette she is. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 8:20 pm

Wonderful! We need more ladettes producing trophies, on safari or art baits!

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 8:33 pm

Great work. And now for a few more hoops.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 1:35 am

I do love that budget Very Happy

And those photos are .... well..... hilarious. Reminds me of the old "Chad" cartoons you used to see, of a pair of eyes and a nose poking over a wall.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 9:50 am

Interesting angle. Is she taking the pictures with her feet? Laughing

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:42 am

Sabrina Burks wrote:

Thank you for your kind advise, it is well noted. I also want you to know that I did not print out the whole 28 pages of the form, I only printed the parts that required filling i.e about 9 pages. I hope that will not disqualify me?

I wait for your advise.
Sabrina

Lazy b*itch!

Rev. Crockett wrote:

Dear Miss Burks,

As I have written previously, the form must be complete when you submit it to us, and so, no part can be left out.

Sincerely and Lord bless,
Rev. D. Crockett

Sabrina Burks wrote:

Hello Rev David Crockett,

How are you doing today sir with your household, hopefully well.

Sir, find attached another picture of mine, I hope it comes ok. I also want to know if I can fill the form online, without going the stress of printing and scanning 28 pages of papers.

She looks like a damn toad. Shocked

Anyway.

Rev. Crockett wrote:

Dear Miss Sabrina,

I think your photo is just fine. Unfortunately, there is no
alternative to filling the form as described at this point.

Best wishes in God,
Rev. D. Crockett

Sabrina Burks wrote:

Thank you Sir, I will start working on that.

Have a great weekend

I had a great weekend. It was my nephews Confirmation.

Then, silence... until this Friday:

Sabrina Burks wrote:

Dear Rev. David Crockett,

Sir, remember that my picture is already with you, [I'm trying to forget, believe me] please kindly find attached the form. I plead that you use your good office in our favor as many lives are going to be touch positively through this donation.

Have a good day
Sabrina.

Attached:

But alas... close, but...

Quote:

Dear Miss Burks,

I hereby acknowledge the receipt of your application form. However, it is incomplete as page 1 is missing and page 2 is incomplete as you haven't filled all questions on that page. Otherwise, the form looks fine.

Light 5 wax candles and send the remaining bits as soon as possible, so that the processing of your application may commence.

Sincerely and Lord bless,
Rev. D. Crockett

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