English lessons

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:06 pm

An unexpected, surprise, and risky free e mail:

ATTENTION SIR,

Dear Sir

Dear Sir, I got your contact through my late father's file, which makes me to contact you regarding a personal transaction in whish I will to sick for your help if possible. However, seen your contact on my fathers file makes me to feel that you can be trusted.

However, it's a long story but let me cot it shut; I am GODWILL the son of Dr. JOSEPH EBENEZER a businessmen here in Sierra Leone West Africa. To avoid long story, my father was sentenced life in prison, which cost him death last 2 weeks. He was sentenced life in prison because he sot a man who kills his uncle.

The government has sized all our belongings. Now I have no one. My mother was killed during the wartime. The only hope I have is my late father who past a way last 2 weeks. When he was in prison, he gave me a file and instructed me to contact a security firm in Ghana were he normally logged his pressures items (Gold and Diamond). When he was releasing the documents, he personally told me not to disclose the content of the consignment to the security firm in Ghana were he normally logged his pressures items (Gold and Diamond). However, the content of this particular consignment been deposited is an amount of $9.500.000.00 Dollars. (Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars Only) It was logged as pressures items (Gold and Diamond).

I have also confirmed with holding company were he logged the funds as his pressures items (Gold and Diamond) which I did not disclose the content of the consignment to the company. Please dear I contacted you for your assistance in order to move the consignment to your country for investment that will profit both of us for ours lifetime.

Upon your positive response, I shall then contact the holding company in Ghana to inform them that I have founded my late fathers partner whom my late father has entrusted to claim his pressures items (Gold and Diamond). Upon your request, I shall furnish you the entire coverage documents that were giving to me by my late father regarding the depository.

Please kindly get beck to me, I will be more than happy to read your positive response. Kindly use this email to reply me : [email protected]

Thanks as I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours truly

GODWILL JOSEPH

WTF? Well, let me see what this solicitation is all about...

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:07 pm

I respond...

Hello!

Well, I'm wondering if English is your second language, because your
spelling, grammar, and punctuation is atrocious! However, thinking on
it, you may also have gone to school, perhaps, in New York City?
English is my second language as well. I grew up speaking an American
Indian Dialect, and I have a saying I am fond of:
"Is-thay is-ay ertainly-say a-ay am-scay" This means, "a stranger
will contact me and grant me a fortune"
Well, I believe you may be that stranger! I am certainly interested in
your business proposal! Send me details right away!
Dr Hugh G Rection
NY Gastroentereological Group

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:08 pm

I get a response! Hurray!

DEAR DR HUGH G RECTION,

Thank you for your kind mail well I am sorry if my English is not well corrected. I hope you understand me? Well it�s my late father wealth, which I will like you to assist me claim from Ghana. After seen your mail, I contacted the company in order to inform them that I have found my late fathers partner DR HUGH G RECTION who will claim the consignment, the company told me that when my late fathers partner is ready, he should contact them.

Please sir, I will like to furnish you company contact in Ghana so that you will reach them to establish friendship with them. However, I have all document related to this deposit. If you need it, let me know.

Above all, I will like both of us to meet in Ghana so that we can proceed to the company for the claiming of this consignment. Remember, I have not disclosed the content of the consignment; they only know that we have pressures items (Gold and Diamond) not funds.

When claiming the consignment, we shall place the order as pressures items (Gold and Diamond). The amount of funds in the box was $9.500.000.00 Dollars. (Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars Only) It was logged as pressures items (Gold and Diamond) On the deposit document, it was declared as pressures items (Gold and Diamond)due to the security of the funds.

Please I need us to meet in Ghana or I can move to Ghana first in order to see the company and found out the total procedure before your arrival in Ghana. Please let me know if we have to ask the company to ship the consignment through there diplomatic to any of your address or we should have the consignment claim in Ghana then look for any bank there that will handle the transfer to any of your bank.

Please confirm this so that I will know what nest to do.

Thanks as I wait to hear from you soon.

Yours truly

GOGWILL JOSEPH

To be continued....

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:21 pm

I respond:

Dearest Godwill,
I can pretty basically, almost, understand you. I can help you with
your English if you'd like. You don't sound too moronic, so there is
help for you yet. As I told you, English is my second language as
well, so I understand how hard it is to learn. I had help from a
dominatrix Nun who would smack my hand with a wooden rod whenever I
mispronounced a word. I promise I won't smack you or hit you in your
balls as I am a very kind-hearted man. My Tribe has a saying: "Ore-fay
un-way ine-nay am-scay", which means Be Kind to Your Neighbor. I will
be kind to you always, and regard you as a family member. Please send
me the details of this transaction. I'll need your paperwork you
promised, and tell me, how much will the fees be? I will want to send
you whatever money I need to send you in order to release the funds
for us!
Have a blessed day my new friend!
Oh, enclosed is my photo identification. Can I see yours?
Dr Hugh G Rection.

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:24 pm

I enclose my work identification:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/HUGHGRECTION.jpg

To be continued...?

Posted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:25 pm

This moronic mugu, if you notice, keeps misspelling his own name. He writes back:

Sir,

Thank you for your kind mail. I was so happy when I got your mail with the attached. I have tried to send the documents through my late fathers mail box, it was very difficult for me to send the documents. I have tried to send the documents but the email box of my late father is not attaching May be I do not understand the procedure.

I will create another email box tomorrow in order to send the documents. Please Sir I will like to know when we are meeting in Ghana or should I move first So that I will finally conclude with them before your arrival.

I am not doing any thing in SIERRA LEONE, upon your confirmation, I will move to Ghana. However, is going to take at list 3 to 4 days to reach there. I will move by road not flight. I do not have must to fly by Air, the little I had will reach me to go by road and also pay for few days hotel.

Please let me know how I can join you back as soon as we clear the consignment from the company in Ghana, I have no international passport. However, I am thinking that, as soon as we finish the transaction, I will come back to our country in order to apply for new international passport that will enable me to fly down to your country.

Await your response

Thanks and God be with you as I hope to see you soon.

Yours son
GOLDWILL JOSEPH

Please let me have your number PHONE AND FAX

Posted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:38 pm

I respond to the bugger:

Dearest Gobwell,

Well hello there, and I must say it's great to hear from you, my
slightly illiterate friend. I am anxious to understand the modalities
which are axiomatically photosynthesized on the
pneumonoultramicroscopic silicovolcaniconiosis letter head from
various security companies in adherence to euthanasiatic trade
practices.
I certainly can travel to Ghana or whatever miserable African country
you'd like me to go to so we can complete this business deal.I must
wait at least three weeks, however, because I have a tapeworm which I
have named Clarence, and he is acting up and giving me severe
heart-burn, so I must get some medication to sedate the damned thing.
In the mean-time, however, I will provide you with my office phone
number. My number is . When you call, be sure to ask
for my assistant Ray Cyst, or my secretary Dom Rednick. They will then
forward the call to me, and we can speak. I'm a very very very busy
man so I always have my assistants screen my calls. Now, get on the
ball and send me whatever documents I need, and let me know what money
I need to send you to free up these funds of yours. Don't screw
around! Time is of the essence!
Dr Hugh G Rection
NY Gastroentereological Group

That phone number happens to be the number to the White Aryan Resistance, a very very nasty group of meanies...
To be continued...?

Posted: Fri Dec 10, 2004 11:58 pm

he writes a quick note:

Hello dear sir,
I hope you got the mail attachment through the new [email protected]?

Yours truly
Godwill

I better check my mail!

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 12:02 am

He has sent me this letter, and attached some ridiculous forms:

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your kind mail, the net were giving problems been yesterday that made me not to get back to you in time. You can find the attached documents giving to my late father, I will contact the company today in order to inform them that you will be calling to notify them about the release of the consignment and also to inform them that I am meeting them on Monday or Tuesday.

I have told the company director MR DAVID DADAH NARTEY that you Dr HUGH G RECTION will be calling them soon regarding the release of the consignment, I don�t know if the funds has to go through bank transfer or should the company ship the consignment to you? However, I think you should ask the company the best way to have the consignment. Please remember you must not disclose the content of the consignment but to put it as AU Gold Dust which was writing on the coverage documents.

I have check the documents, I did not see any were we have to make any payment to have our consignment claim. However, the director hasn�t told me any thing regarding payment.

The only thing I am thinking of, is my hotel bill and other little things that can sustain me before your arrival. I will be leaving to Ghana this evening. I will be in MALI tomorrow, provably being in Ghana on Monday by the help of our lord Jesus.

I need your support in prayer for the help of our lord Jesus to guide me on this road traveling. I have never made a journey like this before. Maybe I will call you when I get to MALI or send you mail the same when I arrive in Ghana.

Yours truly

GODWILL JOSEPH

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 12:11 am

The forms:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/gobwell3.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/gobwell2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/gobwell.jpg

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 12:34 am

I send him off a quick note:

Hello Gorbwell my bugger,

I hope this e mail finds you in good health and free of all venereal
diseases. I got your mail and those cheesy documents you sent me, and
I feign true interest in your well being, and also I can't wait to
continue this business and speak with whatever shyster barrister or
lawyer you'd like me to talk with, although I suspect that MR DAVID
DADAH NARTEY is a homosexual. I hope you don't get eaten by any lions
or bitten by a hippo in the darkest depths of Africa as you journey to
Ghana. Watch out for that snake! Oh, and let me know as soon as you
safely arrive so we can continue these shenanigans and business.
Hey, how about sending me your picture?
Yours sincerely,
Dr Hugh G. Rection

And I send him my Clinic Logo, made by my good pal Paramite:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/clinic.jpg

To be continued...?

Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 11:53 pm

Gorbwell, or Gobwill, or whatever the hell his name is-writes me!

Hello dear sir,

How are you? Thanks so much for your careering, well I was arrested at the boarder because of no passport, is ok for now. Am continuing to Republic of C.V. this night and will reach there tomorrow morning. However, I just want inform you that all is well. Please let me know what is wrong with your phone
line, each time I call, your line keep on talking without stopping. It keeps on boning my little money. Please kindly provide me another number to reach you so that I will call you as soon as I reach Ghana.

Thanks and God be with you as I hope to see you soon.

Yours truly
GODWILL JOSEPH
"Boning his money?! LOLL Arrested?! Oh brother.

Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 12:09 am

I think he needs a light spanking:

Hullo Gobwell,
Well I was certainly surprised to hear that you were arrested! I hope
you didn't have to become the guard's sex slave or anything, I know
that sometimes in Jail there's a lot of ass-plugging going on, and
Lord knows you won't be able to shit right for a week.
Now what exactly do you mean about my phone? My phone is perfectly
fine. I use it all the time, and nobody has ever had a problem with
it. Are you sure you are dialing it right? Do the phones work in
Africa, for God's sake? You're not drunk, are you? Now what the hell
is going on? I'm starting to get suspicious. Stop being a goddam
slacker and get on the ball. I WILL motivate you!! Do you pack the
gear to go through with this business deal? If you're a non-hacker,
let me know now! Now, sound off like you got a pair and try calling me
again, and tell that homo lawyer of yours to write me a letter pronto!
Oh, and didn't I ask you for your goddam picture? Well, where is it?

Regards,
Dr Hugh G Rection

To be continued...

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 2:50 pm

I get a mail from the dense moron

Hello dear sir,

How are you, today? Well I just want to inform you that i have arrived. However, i have contacted the company to know if you have reached them, they said no. Please try to reach them to day. However, I am leaving to the company. You can as well reach me at the hotel number 233 24 338 4907 as ask for room 3 MR. GOODWILL .

Thanks and God be with you as I hope to hear from you soon

Yours truly

Godwill

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 2:57 pm

I'm really bored with this retard, so I'll give him an ultimatum:

Hello Gobwell

Or Goodwill, or Godwell, or whatever your name is.
Frankly, I am very disappointed with you. Do you even read my e mails
to you? Listen, I'm not going to call you at your hotel. I'm a busy
man, and I don't have time for such bullshit. What kind of businessman
are you? I provided my phone number to you. Either you call me or have
the security company call me at the number I gave you, which happens
to work fine. Stop fucking with me, or I will seriously get pissed
off.
I asked you for your picture, didn't I? WELL, WHERE IS IT?
I don't think I can trust you until you send me your picture, and it
better not be a fake identification card. I want a picture of you
holding a sign with my FULL NAME on it. Then I'll know that I can
trust you.
If you don't do what I say, the deal's off
Hugh G Rection

To be continued...?

Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2004 10:33 pm

well well well, the cheeky little bastard replies, and tries a lame slap against me! Wooo hooo!

Hello dear sir,

How are you, well I have found out that you are not capable to handle this deal. I just want to inform you that I have finally found a God sent to me here in Ghana, well let us forget been partner ok? My spirit is telling me that you must be a gay. Please let us end it here.

Bye for now.

Yours truly

Goodwill

Laughing

Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2004 10:34 pm

I, of course, slap back:

Hello Mr. Mugu
My spirit tells me that your father fucks goats, your mother has sex
with Chinese sailors and monkeys, and that YOU are a 419 scammer.
There was no millions of dollars, and you know it. You are a poor,
worthless thief who lives in a shithole in Africa.
I never believed you for a minute.
You are hereby being reported, and also all your pathetic letters are
posted on a famous website, where millions of people will laugh at
you.
You know YOU'RE the one who is gay. Have a nice day, mugu homosexual!
Regards to your gay family,
Hugh

Well, at least I wasted his time for a bit... Laughing