Happy Orphanage Home Goes To Hell - HOOK SET

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419Eater is my life Joined: 26 Jan 2014 Posts: 262

He's fun isn't he?

Quote:

We discussed your financials after evensong last night and Father Ted (Crilly) pointed out that based on your figures the Happy Orph@nage H0me is spending about $1m per year on 147 orphans (at a rate of about $130 per orphan per week). This seems like a big spend for Nigeria. Where do you currently get your income from and do you have any specific problems (apart from the leaky roof) like Ebola or Boko Haram that is pushing your costs up? With the blessings of the holy lamb

Quote:

Dear Evangelist M1ke Peters, I am F@ther Kevin's secretary, Jemim@h Puddl3duck. Let's get one thing clear straight away. I know you are trying to scam Father Kev1n (no problem) and you will see from his e-mail that he trusts me to sort things out for him. I have cancelled the Western Union transfer of £1,500 - you will never see that money. We can take him - and the Holy Church of Fish & Bread - for far more than that. I know for sure that the Holy Church of Fish & Bread is good for up to £150,000 and I know how to get that money. Don't bullshit me "Mike Peters" but if you want to see a single penny we will split this money 60% to me and 40% to you. Reply to say you agree and I will explain how. Regards, Jemim@h Puddl3duck

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 5:08 pm

The one on the floor is the one in my picture. Ugh he looks so arrogant.
None are Mike Peters !

05/29/15

I like THIS one Laughing

srichards wrote:

... Or some form of animal dung.

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2015 7:46 pm

Since LHG is going to be out of pocket for a week or two, he asked me to update our "Hellbound" bait with laddy. Last we heard, LHG was talking to our lad about his 7000 converts, the possibility of his building an Infernal Cathedral, and a potential new convert in Ghana.

I wanted to make sure the hook was set, so...

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

It has been several days since I last heard from you and I felt the need to check in and make sure that all is well with you. I have enjoyed our conversations and think of you as My friend, so I want to let you know that I feel you would be a great asset to Our Church. Even though We may not have what is considered a traditional Belief System, I wanted to be sure that your commitment has not wavered.

Although I have not yet received an Official communication from the Church, I did have the opportunity to briefly speak with <FAKE PRIEST> and Brother <LHG>. They told Me that the Elder Counsel is quite excited at the prospect of gaining 7000 new souls but, strangely enough, Brother <LHG> also told Me about some other pastor with whom he has been speaking with in Ghana.

Apparently, this person has a following of some 300 people who have agreed to dedicate themselves to Our Dark Lord. I fail to understand why they would get excited over a mere church of 300 when We can get 7000 souls and build a cathedral but, sometimes, the Elder Counsel does tend to get distracted and to do only one thing at a time, so it may be best if you continue to show your dedication, My friend.

On another note, I recenty went to a Porcshe dealer to ask about buying a Cayenne and I learned something. Well, two somethings, actually. First off, there is a "C" in Porcshe. Who knew? And the second thing I learned is that there are soo many options with those darn cars. When the salesman he walked up to Me and asked Me what kind of Porcshe I wanted I told him I wanted a fast one and he just laughed and said thats what every one says. He then went on to tell Me abuot the Cayenne, and the Cayenne S, and the Cayenne GTS, and the Cayenne Turbo and the aero packages and the effects packages and the interior packages and after a while, My head was just spinning.

Do you have simular problems when your church approves you for such purchases, My friend?

Hail Satan!

We usually hear back from our lad within a couple of hours so, when there was no response for a few days, I wanted to make sure he hadn't forgotten us:

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

Since I have not herd from you in quite some time, so now am greatly concerned about both your health and your commitment to Our Cause. I sin-cerely hope that all is well with you and wish for you to email Me and let Me know how you are even if you have decided that Our Church is not for you.

I recently spoke with Brother <LHG>, who told Me more about that newly-joined Hellbound pastor in Ghana that I may have mentioned in My last email. Brother <LHG> is not a member of Our Hellbound Order, and so he is shielded from much of Our finances because he is not permitted to not know the real power and wealth of Our Order. As I may have mentioned to you before, the Church wants Us to sincerely devote Ourselfs to Satan to ensure that the Final Battle will be real, and so it believes that Our compensation while We are still on this Earth must be great. However, I will let you in on a little secret that only those of Us in the Hellbound branches know -- We are supported by a great deal of secret funds due to long-standing ties with generation after generation of wealthy families who have pledged to support Us.

The problem, My friend (and this is why I am so interest in helping you get the funding) is that I am sure that this Ghanian pastor -- this Rev. Muna Obiekwe (Note: this is a well-known Nigerian actor who recently passed away) -- all ready knows about Our funds and is just pretending to be interest in Our Faith to get Our funds but, in the end, he will not fight for Our Dark Lord Satan in the Final Battle. Rev. Obiekwe he also was familiar with the teachings of Our Church and Our ceremonies and seemed to move very quicky through Our rituals .

Although the Elder Counsel is seriously considering funding this pastor, they have not yet sent him any thing. I am doing My best to convince the Elder Counsel that Rev. Obiekwe he is not sincere, but I think it will greatly help if We are able to demonstrate your sincerity to the Elder Counsel, so please let Me know your thoughts on this matter.

Hail Satan!

And, sure enough, within a couple of hours, we received this response:

Lad to TLH wrote:

Like i told you before my brother, I'am very much interested and sincere about joining the church. i have promise to sacrifice my soul any my entire family. i have to spoke to all member of my church and they have agree to join.

That is good new from us and i please to let you know that i we bring more member.

Hail Satan

And in response:

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

Thank you for your email, and I do hope that all is well with you, your family, and all member of your church.

Honestly, My friend, words fail Me to tell you how happy I am to hear that you are willing to sacrifice the souls of you and your entire family (to say nothing of the 7000 souls of your church) to Our Dark Lord Satan. It is rare for Me to see such dedication to Our Cause and it makes Me look forward to the Final Battle, as this will truly allow God to show off the full extents of His power.

Shortly after My Dark Rituals over the weekend, I spoke with Brother Noisome and Pastor Fuzzline, who told Me that they have relayed all of this good news to the Elder Counsel, who are preparing instructions for the liturgy for Our Dark Baptism as we speak. Although the Elder Counsel is still pursuing this Rev. Muna Obiekwe to found a branch of Our Church in Ghana, I still have My doubts, which is why I am so eager to make sure that you get your funding ASAP (that is a saying We have which means "As Soon As Possible"). Once the Elder Counsel has completed this, either I or some other member of Our Church will be in contact with you to relay the instructions and to ensure that all requirements have been met.

Once again, My friend, I cannot even try to explain how excited I am that you have agreed to become a member of Our Faith, along with all the benefits that are given to Us. With any luck, I will have My Porcshe Cayenne delivered to Me around the same time that you are admitted to Our Faith, and I will have to try to celebrate by bringing you for a visit to My parish and taking you for a ride in My new Porcshe.

Hail Satan!

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2015 8:00 pm

And here is where things get strange. A day or two later, I received this email from laddy:

Lad to TLH wrote:

Good evening,
How are you doing today and how is every body around? Are you ready for God's blessings this season of laughter? There is a next step of faith I want you to take seriously after saying the prayers above to God and you will see the greatest gift of the lord upon your life this month of March. the Lord has put all good things in place for your success and nothing can ever stop you from growing.

I WANT TO PRAY FOR YOU AND I WANT YOU TO OPEN UP YOUR HEART WHILE WE SAY THESE PRAYERS,

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus".

Philippians 4:19

say this prayer with me.

"The Just shall live by Faith"

Habakkuk 2:4

Heavenly Father!I praise You and honor You! I thank You for being with me always and loving me with Your eternal love! You
are in control of all things and I thank You for that.O Lord! Your Scripture clearly tells that without faith I can neither please You nor receive any answer for my prayer. Please forgive me for not believing in Your love, power and goodness. Many times I've been discouraged by my circumstances and many times I have failed to trust in You. Please forgive me Lord! Your are the God of all hope and I acknowledge that nothing is too difficult for You. I am confident that You will meet all my needs as I seek to live according to Your word! Thank You Lord for helping me get over my unbelief removing all my fears and anxieties! Let me not lose heart on seeing the circumstances Lord! Strengthen my faith through which alone I can receive miracles from You Lord. You have said whatever I ask in prayer, believing, I will receive. Thank You for this promise Lord! I love You and trust in Your awesome power! I know You are with me right now to take care of my needs and I thank You for that.
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

God bless you.

I know a few other baiters got this email, and some others also received his opening format, so our lad is clearly looking for new clients. However, of greater concern to my character is that the lad just sent this to a committed Hellbound minister.

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

What in the Dark Firey Pits of Hell is the point of this email you sent Me?!?

I just returned from performing this weekend's Dark Ritual for My Order and, when I checked My email, I found this blasphemy waiting for Me!!

I have spent so much of My time interceding with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> on your behalf, telling them of your dedication to Our Most Unholy Cause and telling them of your willingness to sacrifice your soul, the souls of your family, and the 7000 souls of the members of your church to Our Dark Lord Satan. Even though Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they were quite ready to send a donation to this Rev. Muna Obiekwe faker in Ghana, I convinced them to instead with hold his money and to use it to help you build your Infernal Cathedral.

And this is how you repay Me? With this email?!?

My friend, I still want to believe that you are forthright in your willingness and agreeableness to become a member of Our Faith, and I still want to do everything I can to ensure that you get your jsut reward. But, My friend, I really am going to insist that you are able to explane for what porpoise you would send Me such an email.

Hail Satan!

No response from the lad for a couple of days, so...

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

Since I did not recevied an explanation from you regarding the email that you sent Me, I felt it was My duty to speak with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> abuot it the email. Although they applauded the piety with which you wrote the email they agreed with Me that it does cast some doubt on your commitment to Our Cause and so they have put a hold on the shipment they were sending you.

Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have spoke with the Elder Counsel who have requested that you prove to them the Elder Counsel that you have the potential to do as you claim. In the past, the Elder Counsel they have send money to promising Initiates who did not pull through and they do not want to make the same mistake again.

The Elder Counsel they wish for you to express your position and your beleif in your own words, and they would like for you to put it in the form of a short sermon that you would use to convins converts to join Our Cause.

My friend, you are being given a great opportunity to redeem yourself here, so I hope that you do not squander it. Please respond back so I may give you more details on how We may witness your sermon.

Hail Satan!

I have since learned that the lad has gone dark with a few other baiters and, not too long ago, Team Gadget got a response from the lad in which he replied to an email that was about 2 weeks old and gave no indication that he knew anything about Team Gadget's plans. For now, I'm operating on the assumption that the lad had a computer/email failure that caused him to lose his correspondence, or maybe a new lad has taken over. Either way, we may need to do a bit of back-tracking and rebuild the bait.

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 9:23 pm

Just a brief update on the *other* Happy Orphanage bait...

It had been about a week or so since we last heard from laddy, so in an effort to make sure we still had a dial tone, I wrote:

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

It have been some time sins I last heard from you and wanted to see what is going on ok.

As I am sure Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have all ready explain to you about Our donation policies, you know that all donations need to be approved on a quarterly basis. Sins March is almost over (and sins this means the quarter will be ending) all Our budgeted money needs to be spend in this quarter.

Sins no one has heard from you in some time and since We do not want to risk losing this money for this quarter, Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they went against My wishes and made a large donation to this Rev. Muna Obiekwe. I still think they are going to lose there money on this faker but, as such, My thoughts and feelings were over ruled.

I hope that you are still doing well and if you are interest in joining Our Church, We would still love to have you and your 7000 parishioners. Just, sins it will be a new quarter, We may need to perform some revaluation of your application.

On better news, the Church they did approve My request for funding for a new vehicle so very soon I will be getting my Porcshe Cayenne.

Hail Satan!

Almost a week after that, we finally received:

Lad to TLH wrote:

My brother,
I apologize for late respond, i was very down with sickness but am much better now, However i am very much interested joining and all my member are also willing to give their soul away.

Please try all your best to make sure paster <FAKE PRIEST> and brother <LHG> make their donation to us so we can established a new branch here.

Thanks a lot.

For right now, I'm operating on the assumption that we are dealing with a different member of the lad's gang, since he doesn't seem to remember many of the details we discussed and didn't even give me a "Hail Satan". It may be a bit of a step backward (since I may have to give him a few pokes and remind the lad of what has transpired) but at least we're communicating again...

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

That is quite fine about the late respond. We all get down with the sickness at times and just need to under stand that madness is the gift that has been given to Us. (Yes, I admit it. I am quite the fan of Disturbed. Sue me.)

I must admit, though, that I was surprised that I did not hear from you for so long. I was quite convinsed that you were dedicated to Our Cause and, when you stopped emailing us, I was wondering if you had second thoughts due to Our Beliefs, so I am glad to hear that all the member of your church are still willing to give their souls to Our Dark Lord Satan.

Now, all though We have all ready spent all of Our budgeted money for last quarter, We still need to determine Our funding for this the coming quarter. How ever, the good news is that, since you contacted Me before the end of last quarter, I will likely be able to put you at the top of Our funding list.

What this means is that sins you are still interest in joining Our Church, We may need to revaluate your application. I will try to speak with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> over the next couple of day and see what we can do to expedite this process and get you ordained into Our Church as soon as We can.

Hail Satan!

Lad to TLH wrote:

That is very good of you sir.

Not quite the response I wanted. Time to make sure the lad is still hooked...

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

Wonderful! Once I have finnished My Dark Rituals for this weekend, I have a meeting scheduled with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> for us to discus our goals and funding for this quarter. I will be sure to specifically mention your interest and see what We can do to keep you to as near the top of Our list as possible.

I hope to get back to you early next week with some good news!

Hail Satan!

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

As I promise you, I spoke with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> abuot your application and We ended up having a very strong worded discussion. Be cuase your application it had been processed in the wrong quarter, they told Me that you would need to start everything again from scratch but I argued that you have shown a great dedication to Our Church and would be a great asset to Us during the Final Battle.

Then Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they remind mMe about that email you sent Me and that I never recevied an explanation from you regarding why you would praise the names of god and jesus to a minister of a Hellbound Order. Well, I told them that you and I have all ready spoken and cleared the air up with that issue and that every thing is good. (All though, should they ask again, I may need your help in coming up with an explanation as to why you sent that damnable email to Me, of all people.)

Well, My friend, after I told them that you showed such promise as an orator and praised your ability to convert even the most faithful of souls to Our Order, eventually they agreed to look away wile I change the date on your file to make it look as if it is active in this quarter.

This is good news, My friend, as Our Church does not frequently allow such to occur. Over the next couple of day, I will need to make sure that I completely under stand your commitment to Our Church and the souls that you will be bringing us, and then I can talk to you about the funds that We will make available to you, and I can also give you the details on the necessary rituals for you to prove your dedication to Our Church.

Hail Satan!

Since we're rebuilding the bait, LHG and I wanted to quickly establish that Brother <LHG> and the <FAKE PRIEST> are the bad guys here who are standing in the way of laddy's big donations and I am willing to fib, bend the rules, and commit some light fraud to make sure he gets his payoff. Reflect on the irony here -- the priests ascending to heaven are the bad cops and the satanist is the good cop.

Lad to TLH wrote:

Dear Rev. <TLH>,

Thank you for your email once again, Yes i we convert all the member of my church as promise because i have already spoken to the elder men and women of my church and the are all agreed to follow my foot step, I have more than 700 member in my church..You have to talk to pastor about this because I and my family and my member are willing to convert and join without any further delay.

My wife is saying hi to you.

Hail Satan!

Well, isn't that nice? I got my "Hail Satan" without even needing to ask for it! And he also remembered about the 700 souls he promised me. (Well, okay, it was 7000 but I can follow up on that.) For now, I'm guessing that this is our original guy, so let's see where we can go with this...[/i]

05/29/15

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Posts: 1301

I hate orphanage lads - good to see the scumlad is still on board for getting his money.

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 7:57 am

Excellent. So glad he is back in the 'fold'.
There is no boundary to his greed.

Settling in for the next exciting instalment !

Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 3:56 pm

Just another brief update on the *other* Happy Orphanage bait...

Since I’m still not sure if I’m dealing with the same lad as before, or with another member of the gang, I thought it best to back up a bit and make sure the hook is set before I jerk it and try to land this lil' fishie…

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

This is absolutely wonderful news for Me to learn that the elder men and women of your church are all agreeing to follow in your foot step and to pledge their souls to Our Dark Lord Satan to better increase His Strength in the Final Battle. (I am not sure if I mention this to you before but, even tho they do not like to admit it, Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they tend to base their donation on the number of souls that some one can provide to for Us.) This Rev. Muna Obiekwe faker -- who only claim to have 150 followers -- he was given $30,000 within a week after he submitted his trial sermon to Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST>.

Sins you have promise Us so much more souls I hope to see you get quite a bit more than this fraudstar Obiekwe. How ever, sins he has promise to build a small church of 200 or so for us, Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have reserve even more funds for him. So, ones We get your ordained in Our Faith and can get proof of your dedication to Our Cause and your willingness to build an Infernal Cathedral that can contain seven thousand people, I am sure We will find suitable funding for you as well.

I will set up a meeting with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> as soon as I can and ask they to speak with the Elder Counsel to make sure that they the Elder Counsel can dedicate the funds to you that you deserve. As soon as I hear back, I will let you know where We are to go from Here.

Hail Satan!

PS: Please tell your wife that I said hi to her as well.

Lad to TLH wrote:

Thank you sir,
I have all to 700 member in my church and they are all ready to convert as well.

Hail Satan!

Hmmm. Only 700 members of his church? Just a few short weeks ago, it was 7000 and the lad was shooting for funds to build an Infernal Cathedral. Oh, well. These semantics aren’t really worth arguing over, so I guess we’ll just need to work on funds for an Infernal Chapel or something...

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

I have informed Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> of your continued interest in Our Church, as well as your offer to bring us 700 additional souls, and they have told Me that they will speak with Me early next week, after I have completed My weekend's Dark Rituals.

(And, on a personal note, I have begun arriving a few minutes late to all of My meetings and to My Dark Rituals and have started complaining that I think My watch it is starting to run slow. When I come to this meeting late, I am planning to throw my watch to the ground and, with any luck, I hope to convins they that the Church need to buy Me a new watch. Are you at all familiar with the various types of Rolex watches out there, My friend, and do you know if they keep as good of time as I have heard?)

From there, I hope to be able to bring you the good news of their decision, along with the procedures that We will need to follow to induct you into Our Church and then get you cleared to build an Infernal Cathedral and begin finding souls for Us.

Hail Satan!

A few days later...

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

have just returned from My meeting with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> and I write to let you know that I bring good news!

First off, did I tell you that I was going to arrived to My meeting with Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> late? And, then, when they noted My lateness, I was going to complain abuot My watch running slow and then throw it to the ground?

Well, not only did it work but, when I threw My watch, it actually bounced and hit a chair and it got its crystal cracked so I really do need a new watch. Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they wanted to replace My watch with another Omega but, seriously? Ones I impressed upon them My need to know what time it is in all of the Time Zones in which I have Initiates, Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they agreed that I do indeed need a Rolex watch.

And, speaking of My Initiates, I would like to let you know that Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have spoke with the Elder Counsel and they the Elder Counsel have approved your admission to Our Church.

Sins our first step will be that of Our Dark Purgation (the Official Name for what they call the baptism), please let me know if you remain interested and I will help you with the ritual that We will need to follow to induct you into Our Church.

Hail Satan!

I actually considered attaching a picture of a broken Rolex to this email for verisimilitude and even went so far as to type “shattered Rolex” in google but I just couldn’t bring myself to hit the search button. Baiters do have limits, you know…

Lad to TLH wrote:

Brother,
I am very much interested in joining your church like i told you before that my family and my church member also join.

Please do every thing possible for me to join okay.

Once again thanks

Hail Satan!

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

Perfect -- be cuase Our beliefs they may be off putting to some, The Church it requires Me to check and re-check again to make sure of your dedication to Our Cause. Please be assured that I am just following policy and that I Myself harbor no doubts as to your dedication to Our Cause, unlike that faker Rev. Muna Obiekwe who is getting a lot of money for making the right noises and sounds with his mouth but who I do not think has anywhere near the belief of you or Me.

The first step of becoming a minister in Our Church is to become baptized through the ritual We call the Dark Purgation. Although this is a very simple process, We normally prefer that Our Initiates come to Us so that We may be sure that the Dark Purgation it is conducted properly and in person. If you would be interested in travelling to Us, We would of course reimburse you for all of your expenses (and, if you like, I would also be happy to help you to come up with a few ... creative ... ways to raise your budget a little) but, if it would be easier for you, I can speak to the committee in charge of overseeing Dark Purgations and request approval for you to perform this with out requiring you to travel to Our Church.

Hail Satan!

I tried to set this up a choice that wasn’t really a choice by giving the lad the option of performing the ritual locally or paying to travel to us. However, not only did I phrase the reimbursement policy incorrectly, but I forgot what a greedy little bugger this lad is…

Lad to TLH wrote:

Thank you so much brother, Mean while traveling to your church is a great deal but i dont have money right now, please it's possible the church fund my traveling down? please try and understand me okay...coming down we cause me $2,480.

So please let me know if you can assist me with the money for my coming.

Hail Satan!

Whoops. Isn’t it funny how quickly he was able to come up with the exact amount that it would cost to fly to our church and stay with us for a couple of days? Time for a very light slap…

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

I believe that you miss under stood Me. I am sure that Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have all ready explain to you that The Church cannot give you any donation un till you are a Member of Our Church. We used to do this in the passed but -- be leave it or not -- some less than faithful Initiates they would take Our Money, not travel to Us, and would then refuse to speak with Us any more. While I know that your Faith runs much deeper than that, Our Policy it is Our Policy and We can do nothing to change it.

If you would like to travel to Us for your Dark Purgation, We would of course be happy to have you and will reimburse all of your expenses (along with any ... extras ... that you and I may be able to come up with) but you would need to submit an Expense Report only after you have officially joined Our Church.

How ever, if this is too expensive for you, I under stand. In that case, I will need to speak to Our Committee in charge of overseeing Dark Purgations and request approval for you to perform this ritual at your location.

Please let me know which option you would pre fer.

Hail Satan!

Lad to TLH wrote:

I prefer my location, please inform them so i can use my location to perform the ritual.

Hail Satan!

There we go! The lad has made a choice that is not really a choice.

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

Thank you for that clarifications.

Sins The Church they have told Me they would approve for Me to purchase a steel Rolex, but not a white gold Rolex, I will need to meet with Them to make sure that They approve My larger purchase. I mean, really? If you are going to buy a Rolex, who would not expect that it should be gold? Or, do you think I am wrong in that, My Brother?

In any case, when I speak with Them about this My issue, I will also be sure to ask Them to give Me Their approval for you to perform the Dark Purgation at your location. I hope to get back with you soon with the approval and more information on this simple ritual.

Hail Satan!

And a few days later…

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

As I promise you, when I went to meet with the Elder Counsel to speak with them abuot My Rolex watch, I also ask for them to approve you to perform the Dark Purgation at your location and they have agreed to permit you to do so. This is not frequently allowed but, given the large number of souls you have promise Us, We felt it would be better for Us to make sure that you spend your money to further Our Goals and the goals of The Church rather than for travelling.

Because We will not be able to witness it in person, in order to prove your completion of the ritual, We shall require proof that it have been completely performed. You will need to either take a video of the Dark Purgation ceremony or a series of photographs showing that all of the steps they have been performed correctly and in the right order.

If all is OK with this and you are still interest in joining Our Church, please let me know and I will get send you a copy of the liturgy for this Our Ceremony.

Hail Satan!

Lad to TLH wrote:

I'am very happy to hear that, please kindly send me the requirement so i can perform the ritual immediately.

Hail Satan!

05/29/15

/\/\/\ Isn't one of the Dark Purgation requirements that the ritual be recorded on video Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2015 1:17 am

^^^ Well, although I haven't published the liturgy yet, I did give laddy some very brief instructions for the ceremony, and I suppose it's possible that I may have been ... less than clear ... on some of the requirements.

While I don't think my character will have a problem with it, that darn Brother <LHG> and <Fake Priest> may feel differently and want laddy to redo it...

05/29/15

/\/\/\

Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 3:14 pm

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

Again, I would like to congratulate you on your decision to join Our Order and to promise the souls of you, your family, and your church to the glory of Our Dark Lord so as to give Him power in the Final Battle. As I have promised you, The Church it believes that, since We will be damning Ourselves to Hell for all eternity, We needs must be taken care of here in Our Earthly Existence. Once you see the funds and every thing else that is available to Us, I do not think you will have any regrets of going through Our Ritual and becoming a member.

Now, the Elder Counsel, they have very formal instructions on how to perform the Dark Purgation ritual but, rather than make you read a long document, I hope you will not mind if I just give you the simple instructions for performing Our Ritual. How ever, My friend, if any one asks you abuot this, please be sure to tell them that I gave you the long formal instructions.

To begin the Dark Purgation, the Initiate (you) must wear a black robe. Then, to begin Our Ritual, you must take off your robe and kneel. Some other person must read the liturgy at the bottom of this email and anoint you with various items to symbolize your admission into Our Faith.

Remember -- since We have agreed to permit you to permit Our Ritual at your location, and because We will not be able to witness it in person, in order to prove your completion of Our Ritual, We shall require proof that it have been completely performed. You will need to either take a video of the Dark Purgation ceremony or a series of photographs showing that all of the steps they have been performed correctly and in the right order. And, of course, for legal purposes, Our Church it does not allow any children (those under the age of 18 ) to appear in either photographs or videos.

Again, My friend, congratulations on making this decision and your entry to the larger world.

Hail Satan!

I then included the liturgy which (for purposes of Google protection) I’m not going to publish right now.

I didn’t hear from the lad for about a week, so I thought I’d poke him a little by re-forwarding the instructions…

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

What is going on ok? It has been many of days sins I last heard from you and I need to make sure that you are still interest in joining Our Church and founding a new branch of Our Church and building an Infernal Cathedral and dedicating the souls of your followers to Our Dark Lord Satan. Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have been asking me if have yet perform the Dark Purgation and I needs must say no sins I have not yet heard from you.

If you are no longer interest, Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have ask that you please let Me know so that We can free up the money We have reserved for you and give it to some other worthy initiate. All though I personally do not feel that any other Initiate they are bringing Us over 700 souls, Brother <LHG> and <FAKE PRIEST> they have told Me that if you do not affirm your faith soon, they must needs find other people to donate the money to even if they only bring us a fewer number of soul.

Hail Satan!

Laddy got right back to me, so I know the line is still open…

Lad to TLH wrote:

i'am very much instructed, you said you are going to send me the initiation method so I can perform it here....please send it me so I can perform the initiation here....

Thanks....

Problem is, when laddy wrote back, he directly replied to my poke email. When I scrolled down a bit, sure enough, I saw the instructions in the email chain. And what's with the "Thanks...."? He should know very well that, around here, we close our emails with “Hail Satan”.

Lazy lazy lad. He’s stalling and trying to come up with a reason why he can’t go through with the ritual. Well, you catch more bees with honey and all that rot, so let’s try the gentle approach first.

TLH to Lad wrote:

Dear Brother <LAD>,

I thought that I all ready did sent you the initiation method. In any case, I shall re-copy My original email to you so that you may preform the ritual.

Hail Satan!

Then I copied the original email and the liturgy, bolding the paragraphs with the critical instructions. Since my hopes aren’t high right now, I may have to break the elders’ silence and have one of them lambast the lad a bit for not following through on his commitment…

Posted: Mon May 11, 2015 6:02 pm

Oh I do hope he gets back on track. I very much enjoyed this bait and would love to see some pictures of the ritual..... Just hope no one sees him and lynches him for Satanism!

Posted: Mon May 11, 2015 7:36 pm

^^^ So do I, Chickendipper! Problem is, his attention seems to be pretty occupied by Big X, Labowski, and Team Gadget so (for right now) I'm afraid that he may see us as requiring too much effort on his part.

And, BTW, neither Lehigh nor I were keen on actually encouraging the lad to pursue Satanism so the ritual instead revolved around the Seven Deadly Sins and getting anointed with various ... substances. Twisted Evil

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