A great blend of lazy AND stupid

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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:02 pm

Just a quicky, but I had to share. If this lad does this for a living, he's gonna starve

Lad:
DEAR SIR/MADAM,

I'M REV.PETER TOMEY THE PUBLISHER OF THE CHURCH OF CHRIST IN
BENIN REPUBLIC.WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE CALLING FROM THE
LORD TO HELP THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED AND IN FINANCIAL PROBLEM,BY GIVEN
OUT LOAN TO ANY,INDIVIDUAL,COMPANYS AND SOCIETY THAT NEED MONEY TO DO
BUSINESS.

THE AMOUNT OF THE LOAN HAS BEEN SIGNED AND APPROVED BY THE CHURCH
COMMITTEE THE SUM OF £400,000.00 WHICH YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO LOAN
C.YOU ARE TO RETURN THE LOAN WHICH IS GRANTED TO YOU IN 4 YEARS
AGREEMENT.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED KINDLY CONTACT BISHOP ANTHONY WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW.

NAME: BISHOP ANTHONY
Email: xxxxxxxxxxx
STAY BLESSED.
REV. PETER TOMEY

ME:
Thank you for contacting me, I am indeed in need of assistance. However, the amount is considerably higher. Is there some way you can still help?

LAD:
Dear Lou.

Yes you need to fill your information such as bellow

1. Full Name: ....................
2. Contact Address ...................
3. Age:..............................
4. Mobile Number:...............
5. Marital Status:................
6. Sex:..............................
7. Occupation:...................
8. Company:......................
9. State:...........................
10.Country:......................
11.Nationality:..................
12.Address:......................
13. Email:.........................
14. Means of identification...........
15.Have You Won Before?............ ...

And how do you want to received this funds? The fee is $100

Get back asap.

BISHOP ANTHONY

(Right to the cash. Amazing.)

ME:
Here you go, we can at least get things started to see if this will all work.

1. Full Name: .................... Louis Sindor
2. Contact Address ................... PO Box 84756, Kaunakakai, Molokai, Hawaii USA 96874
3. Age:..............................83
4. Mobile Number:............... None
5. Marital Status:................ Single
6. Sex:.............................. Male
7. Occupation:................... Retired pilot, now a government contractor
8. Company:...................... Pacific Airwave LLC
9. State:........................... Hawaii
10.Country:...................... USA
11.Nationality:.................. USA
12.Address:......................
13. Email:.........................
14. Means of identification...........
15.Have You Won Before?............ ...

(Nope, didn't even finish it. Didn't think he'd notice, especially since he used a lotto lad script for his church loan...note #15. He didn't.)

LAD:
You need to pay $100 for the loan fee ok

(Can he seriously believe I'll just send him a hundred bucks? Would anyone? Wow.)

ME:
Sure, but I need to know the rates and terms first. Can you supply them for me please? The project summary is attached for you.

(The little beast that explodes to 4GB, but he ignored it.)

LAD:
You will return the amount in next 4 years.And we need a letter bond from you so that we can be sure you will return the money

ME:
I understand that, but I still need the rate for this. The loan amount should be approximately $2,500,000 US dollars, so you can use that figure for figuring the total interest and monthly payments for your proposal.

Looking forward to working with you,

Lou

LAD:
If you loan $2,500,000 US dollars from us in return you will pay $ $3,500,000

(No kidding? Brutal market, I guess.)

ME:
Okay, but I still need the rate and payment schedule so that the other partners can approve it. I can't just say "it'll cost a million dollars". I may also want to negotiate that total.

LAD:
If you need to pay us each month.The rate must me $5000.00 each month

(His only script was the form I didn't complete and now he's just floundering around. He's already totally lost.)

ME:
For 4 years? That's only $240,000.

What's going on here?

LAD:
Wait let me recalculate.Ok you mean monthly for 4 years yes.

Each monney you will be paying $240 you are very correct ok

( Confused

)

ME:
What? That didn't make sense.

$2.5 Million US Dollars. And I ask again, what is the interest rate?

LAD:
Am tired of your question i have explained everything to you so no need ok

ME:
Look, I know you're a bishop and not an accountant, but I'm not asking for anything more than the minimum information needed for a loan.

The interest rate.
The total interest payment.
The monthly payments.

Surely you must have this information available, how else could we do this transaction? Check with the Church Committee you mentioned, they must have it.

LAD:
If you are interested follow my instructions ok

And then, after an hour of silence:

ME:
What's going on.

I guess his head exploded. I bet the wind whistled through it even before that. Wow.

Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:38 pm

Sounds like a good candidate for another sand timer?

Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:49 pm

Doubtful for a couple reasons:

1. He's so stupid, he completely forgot to ask for the money. There's nothing to string him on about without leading him by the hand to do HIS part.
2. If I had to deal with him too long, MY head would explode.

I'll communicate with my wife's cat instead. He's a whole lot smarter and, unbelievably, less irritating.

Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2014 6:09 am

I would keep it going. I like a nice stupid lad. They'll believe anything.

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