Lou strikes; "inresistant atitute must have lingustical

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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:44 am

I pass this along simply because the lad involved is just so entertainingly stupid. No script, messages that are often unreadable (especially when he’s upset or confused, which is often) and just plain hilarious to read. It’s the classic train wreck that you just can’t turn away from and I got a lot of laughs over the last couple months.

If this game is the lad’s only source of income, he’s doomed to starvation. I can only think that he’s a new guy and clueless to the extreme. I can’t imagine a buffoon gullible enough to buy any of this; he’s going to be talking exclusively to baiters I fear. I’d bet a cold beer that at least one of you is leading the poor bastard along and blabbing some nonsense about their hair (you’ll see).

Enjoy the read. When the conversation swaps around, I’ve attempted to add some clarification because the lad’s characters are exactly the same bag of rocks. My comments are in parentheses

……….

The players:

Good guy: Lou S1ndor (LOU), aging retiree on Molokai
Bad guys: Jenna Goudreau (DHL) – DHL Director in Benin (she must be since it’s under “government legitimency”).
Ken Allen – Evidently he is also the DHL Director in Benin (popular job, that…).
Jeo Winner (JEO) – DHL Agent and/or Diplomatic Agent, depends on the day
Guest Star:
Marty McS0rley – Former hockey goon and current attorney, dripping with greed

……….

(Opening spam-o-rama, one of several dozen I answered over a cup of coffee back in January.)

I just received a call from the Director of dhl Courier Company Benin
that
your
atmcard that was sent to you last year was returned due to wrong
address,Your
worth $5.5 Millions Dollars confirmed to be your over due inheritance
contractual compensation fund.Therefore call the director ( Mr Ken Allen)
on
Tel Phone: (XXXXXXXXXX)email address: (XXXXXXXXXXX )
and
give him your correct address and Phone number.Use this code (XA-8550) as
the
subject of your mail to them for identification.

Thanks,
Mrs.Jenna Goudreau

……….

LOU: Did this go to the right person?

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor .
perfectly sure .no need of asking.

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor ,
NO NEED OF ASKING WEATHER IT IS REAL OR RIGHT PERSON
IAM THE DHL DIRECTOR IN BENIN REPUBLIC UNDER GOVERNMENT LEGITIMENCY.THANKS

……….

LOU: Well this is quite a surprise. How is it that I have all that money in Benin? That's a bit confusing.

……….

DHL: THAT IS A GREAT TO YOU .
DON.T BE SURPRISE THAT SOONEST YOU WILL BE A MILLIONIA .YOUR ATM CARD
IS HERE WITH ME NOW ONLY THE SECURITY FEE THAT YOU WILL PAY AND IT
WILL DELIVERD TO YOU WITHING 30MUNITS THE SECURITY FEE IS ONLY $150
HERE IS THE ATTACHMENT OF YOUR ATM CARD. SO TRY ALL YOU CAN TO PAY THE
FEE OF SECURITY NOW CAUSE I HAVE PAID FOR THE SECURITY FEE AND
INSSURANCE FEE

……….

LOU: Okay, so how exactly do that? There are limited services here.
This is so exciting!

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor'have you see your atm card in attachment if not see it
here again. to be sure what am saying .see the imformation to made the
payment of $150 here.

1.receiver name...........XXXXXXXXXXX
2.country...............BENIN REPUBLIC
3.QUESTION............GOD
4.ANSWER..........IS ABLE
5.AMOUNT........$15O ONLY
6.SENDER NAME.........................

THE DIRECTOR OF
DHL IN BENIN REPUBLIC

MR.KEN ALLEN +XXXXXXXXX

(Jenna has disappeared and now Ken is on board from the same email account. Not the last stumble my little friend will make. I’ll ignore most of them to keep things rolling and see if a bank account can be snagged and closed.)

……….

LOU: Yes, I see it, but how do you want me to do the transfer?
And that card doesn't have my name on it, you know.

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor.

are you not Robert Billingham. i registerd your name in the ATM CARD
you will see your name once you open it with your pin code .i will
sent it to you when you made the payment through western union.
so don.t worry go to the western union now and made payment now so
that i will start shiping your atm card withing 30munits .your pin
code will sent to you before you recieve your atm card .the shipment
of your atm will take only 24hours then go now .the same imformation
1.receiver name...........JOSEPH NGENE
2.country...............BENIN REPUBLIC
3.QUESTION............GOD
4.ANSWER..........IS ABLE
5.AMOUNT........$15O ONLY
6.SENDER NAME.........................

THE DIRECTOR OF
DHL IN BENIN REPUBLIC

MR.KEN ALLEN +XXXXXXXXXXX

(Like I said, the stumbles abound. The ATM card was truly pathetic, but I bet you knew that already.)

……….

LOU: No, I'm Lou S1ndor. You know that. Who is Robert?

This is all very confusing.

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor .
sorry for the mistake i have made you see i wrote your name ontop and
add another costomer;s name dont mind me due to over straishtfull
'Lou S1ndor.dont worry ok your name is their you know that no one is
above mistake.
do all the needed things that being told .ok i stand here firmly even
toi take an oath for you ok go ahead with the fee

(There’s a pattern here that you’ll notice. When the lad is stressed, his gobbledygook replies get even more unintelligible.)

……….

LOU: I don't think we have western union here, but I'll check.

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor .
yes there was a western union they go ahead or go to money gram to
make the payment that is the only thing now

……….

LOU: I checked and no, there is no western union here. What other options are there?

……….

DHL: Please you made the payment do call me ok

……….

LOU: Like I said, there is no western union.

……….

DHL: ok now go to money gram and made the payment cause the ship want to
leave now their are waiting for me to give them your atm card so that
there will deliverd it to you .dont wast my time please their are
waiting .ok
with same imformation i gave you hurry up

……….

LOU: Well, crap.

I've checked everything and we don't have moneygram here either. I even looked up RIA transfer and they don't service the area. What a pain in the ass.

Can you take it out of the card?

……….

DHL: YOU KNOW I CANT TAKE IT FROM YOUR CARD CAUSE IT IS CRIMINANAL ART
IT IS AGAINST THE LAW .I DONT THINK THAT TO SEND IT THROUGH ACCOUNT
WILL WORT BECAUSE THE MTCN NUMBER IS VERY INPORTANT FOR AND SENDER
DETAIL AND QUESTIONS AND ANSWER SO FIND A LOCATION WHERE THERE IS A
WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM OR YOU WILL GO THE BANK YOU ARE USING TELL
THEM TO CONTACT MONEY GRAM FOR YOU SO THAT THE TRASACTION WILL BE
ACCURATLY IN OTHER
.OK DONT WAST TIME THAT SHOULD WOR

……….

LOU: No, I didn't know that, you haven't told me any details.

I said I can go to the bank, but only to do a transfer. The only way to go
to a western union is to grow wings and fly.

I live on Molokai, in Hawaii. There isn't much here.

……….

DHL: OK WAIT LET ME VERIFY IF IT CAN WORK HERE OK

……….

LOU: Okay, thank you for your understanding.

……….

DHL: OK NOW SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN CAN THAT BE AVAILABLE TO MADE THE
TRASACTION FROM BANK ACCOUNT ? TO AVOID STORY .YOU HAVE TO FINED ANY
MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION THAT YOU KNOW TO MADE PAYMENT CAUSE AM NOT
FERMILIA WITH TRANSFERING BUT IF YOU CAN.T LET ME MAEET THE MERNEGER
OF WESTER AND MONEY GRAM TO OBLIGATE THIER OWN OPINION .CAUSE NO BODY
IS PERFECT

(Wow. Made me shake my head in pure amazement. )

……….

LOU: Look, there isn't a western union or moneygram here.
Yes, I can send the money right from my bank to yours, the bank is open for two more hours.

Surely DHL must have a bank account?

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor .
YOU NO WHAT YOUR SAYING OK AND I KNOW WHAT AM SAYING IT MUS T WORK
EIGHTER WESTERN OR TRANSFERING BUT ALLOW ME ASK WELL
IF IT WILL BE AVAILABLE TO PICK UP IN ANY FORM OF TRANSACTION OK

……….

LOU: Okay, let me know the bank account information and I will send the money.

……….

DHL: MY DEAR DONT BORDER YOUR SELF I WILL LET YOU KNOW IF IAM THROUGH WITH
INVESTIGATION WEATHER IT WILL APPEAR TO AVOID WASTING OF MONEY OKAY
.YOUR ARE RIGHT COSTOMER .AM COMING

……….

LOU: Okay, thank you.
I can always go to the bank tomorrow

……….

DHL: I HAVE TRYED ALOTS TO SEE IF IT CAN BE AVAILABLE AND THERE IS NO WAY .
HERE ARE THE LOCATION OF WESTERN UNION IN MOLOKIA,SO TRY ALL YOUR BEST
TO MADE THE PAYMENT TODAY ,EVEN DUE RIA SERVICS TRANSFER IS WORKING
24HOURS,

NUMBER ONE WESTERN UNION LOCATED AT 878 FRONT ST #B6,LAHAINA,(808)661-0975
NUMBER TWO WESTERN UNION LOCATED AT 820 W HIND DR #101,HONOLULU,(8O8)373-2222

OR

YOU GO TO

247 PHILIPSSTREET(MOLOKAI)FOODS LIMITED TO MADE THE PAYMENT .I HAVE
ASKED MY OPORNET AND THEY SAID THAT TRANSFERING CAN ONLY BE TAKING
PLACE AS FROM $2,000 UP THEN WE WILL SEND THE ACCOUNT TO YOU BUT WE
HAVE AN CONTACT OVER THEIR SO UNLESS YOU CAN PAY UP TO THAT THEN I
WILL SEND YOU THE ACCOUNT NUMBER,

TRY TO SO OKAY AND SEND YOUR PHONE NUBER TO ME OR YOU CALL ME WITH
THIS LINE +xxxxxxxxxxxxx

MR KEN ALEN
THE DIRECTOR OF DHL IN BENIN REPUBLIC
THANKS

……….

LOU: How many different ways do I need to tell you there is NO WESTERN UNION HERE. Those offices are on different islands and I don't have a fucking boat. And that store closed YEARS ago.

Quit screwing around and let's move forward. How can it be possible that DHL doesn't have a bank account?

I'm beginning to wonder about this whole thing

……….

DHL: FEATURED MONEY TRANSFER SERVICE
in Molokai, Hawaii

Pay Day Hawaii
275 W Kaahumanu Ave Suite C2-D1, Kahului, HI 96732
(808) 873-0609

ALL THIS YOU CAN MADE THE PAYMENT THROUGH ALL THIS SREET' OKAY

MR KEN ALEN

……….

LOU: QUIT FUCKING AROUND. That is on Maui.

Do you not think that I looked into this?

What are you trying to do, keep all this money for yourself?

……….

DHL: NO DEAR IS NOT AS YOU THINK OKAY DONT WORRY YOUR SELF THE ACCOUNT BANK
WILL BE GIVING TO YOU WHEN WE ARE THROUGH WITH OUR VERIFICATION ,YOU
KNOW THAT WE ALWAYS BASED ON WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM .OKAY SO
DON.T REGARD IT AS NOT WELL SWEARSITIC OKAY

……….

LOU: How is it that the bank account information can be given after I transfer money that I CANNOT TRANSFER FROM HERE. It appears you don't understand at all.

If you want the money to be sent, I need to get the account information to send it to. That is very, very simple. How is it that you aren't able to do this? If this is something you aren't able to do, please put me in touch with someone who is. This is becoming ridiculous.

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor.
how are you doing today i thought there is no problem good.
i did not peak well with you yesterday due to am having a little headeck so ,
see what will happen now i want to help you in away .you know that we
are not dealing with account but we have. but i will help now to made
the payment of $150 then when you recieved your atm card you will pay
back to me okay. so i will pay it now so that deplomatic agent will
leave very ealy in the moning.but remenber to pay me the $150 back
when you recieve your funds.now i need the following imformation
from.so that it will enable deplomatic agent to know your department.

the imformation i need from you is as follows.

1..........your full name
2..............home address
3..............phone number
4..............copy of your id
5.............city code
6...............country
7............age
8...............occupation

MR KEN ALEN
THANKS

(Interesting that he’s avoiding sending the account by “paying it” himself and suggesting I pay him back. That’s a new one.)

……….

LOU: Okay, let's make this work.

1..........your full name Louis S1ndor
2..............home address PO Box 84756, Kaunakakai, Molokai, Hawaii 96748
3..............phone number Don't have one
4..............copy of your id HI39948767
5.............city code 96748
6...............country USA
7............age 93
8...............occupation Retired

……….

i recieved your imformation and and you have to be very serious about
this is that quite correct to avoid mistake .if it is correct tell me
.because deplomatic jeowinner will leave very ealy in the moning okay

……….

LOU: What do you mean, is that correct? Of course it is.

Why are you wasting time?

……….

DHL: okay dont worry he will leave very ealy in the moning .okay just only
24hrs journey you will recieved your funds okay .his name is
jeowinner.when he leave i will send to you his contact

……….

LOU: Okay, I will wait to hear from him.

……….

DHL: right i will give him your email as stating that you dont have a phone number

……….

LOU: Correct. Hell, at my age I doubt I could hear a phone anyway.

……….

DHL: okay ,haha ha dont worry your self he must reach you through email okay.
but at list you have to have general with your family ,but that is okay .

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor .
how are you doing today i hope there is no problem perfetly yes
okay back to our matter the dhl agent mr jeowinner has started the
journey okay i gave him your email ,so that when he reached they he
will contact you but see his email here(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
so you can even ask him where is now casuse he left very ealy in the
moning

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor ,
HOW ARE YOU ,I RECIEVED A MASSAGE FROM MR JEOWINNER THE AGENT OF DHL,
HE SIAD THAT THE COSTOMS ARE ASKING HIM TO BRING BIRTHDAY CARTIFICATE
AND AGENT PERMISSION CARD AND OTHER THINGS RATHER HEW WILL PAY
$1500,THAT IT IS THE ONLY THING THEIR WILL DO FOR HIM AND I TOLD HIM
TO GO WITH ALL THIS BEFORE HE LEAVE .OKAY NOW SEE WHAT IT LEAD TO,SO I
TOLD HIM TO ASK THEM TO DIVIDE THE MONEY INTO TWO AND HE SAID THAT
THEIR DON.T EVEN ALLOWED HIM TO TALK SO YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT
THIS

(Ah, back on track with the money demand. He couldn’t get the $150, so goes right for $1500. This is definitely a rookie.)

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor ,
contact jeowinner now he is extra stranded now .okay ask him ,

……….

DHL: Lou S1ndor .
have you contact jeo ,about the isue ,you are to do every thing
possible now before it worth another thing

……….

JEO: good evening sir mr Lou S1ndor .
please sir iam the agent of dhl .i sent from my director ken alen,
he gave me your email to contact you in respect to your funds (ATM)
my name is mr jeowinner from benin republic .please sir remark this email ,that is my sir ,in respect sir iam now in the Hotels near Molokai Airport MKK - Kaunakakai, Molokai,

thanks

(Now THIS should be fun.)

……….

LOU: You're here?

That's great, where shall we meet?

……….

JEO: plaese sir i am very sorry for the late respoundant due to what am passing through here. the costoms are asking me insurfficiecy question ,
, they said that i must bring the birth day certificate and angent permission card , and their is no way i can afford all this ,their said that either i go back or i will pay $1500 so that they will allow me, so you have to some thing about this please sir,

(It appears that he has forgotten that he said he was in a hotel in Kaunakakai. Like I said, I just ignore these little speed bumps so that he can dig himself deeper into the situation.)

……….

JEO: please sir you have to do some thing about this cause iam constantly sranded here ,

……….

JEO: good morning sir , inresistant atitute must have lingustical way ,i told mr ken allen to arrange this very well he said that you are the type of person that can disapoint ,now i have almost stayed 48hrs no contact , please am still with the atm ,and you have to do some thing about this sir

(I’ve been able to decipher most of the doofus-speak, but “inresistant atitute must have lingustical way” stumped me.)

……….

JEO: i have spent a lots of time here more than requred , am waiting to recieve you email and there is no way ,talk to me sir

……….

LOU: What do you need me to do?
I didn't know we had customs here.

……….

DHL: okay now you are online i have being wundering why ididt here from you
since he says concerning costoms that they need $1500 to release him
with atm card

……….

LOU to DHL: I have heard from him and asked what help he needs. Do I need to drive to the airport?

……….

DHL: o do what they are the costoms ,for the previous one they going those
costoms over they are dont even like any conplain rather you will go
back but ask him firs

(Isn’t amazing that our two friends have exactly the same IQ issues? What a coincidence.)

……….

LOU: I'm still waiting to hear from him.

……….

JEO: sir there is a costoms mr ken allen told that you ask him if you can drive over here it is even wost to see you and it based on the isue of atm ,find the money and send to them ,now we are in Agricultion-inspection-hawaii airport ,so do pay the fee to them ,then i will meet you at the particular place you are

(Okay, now I’m impressed. He actually spent the time to find that Hawaii has an agricultural inspection. The one brain cell fired.)

……….

LOU: Okay, if you don't want me to come there, how do we do this?

……….

JEO: sir please to do respect to whom it mighty concerne the only thing now is to ask them how they want the transation to be ist by account or by western ,that is the only thing sir, thanks

……….

LOU: Right, that's what I said, by account. Are you only reading half of my messages? I'm trying to help you here and you keep stalling. What the hell?

……….

JEO: please sir i am very soory i did,t understand but now i have understard ,thanks

……….

LOU: I'm still waiting for someone to send me the account.

……….

DHL: have you discuss with him regarding the fee their requeted ,

……….

LOU to DHL: I'm trying to, but he is ignoring much of what I say. He said I can send the money to an account, but hasn't GIVEN me one.
Is he not a very smart person? He is very confusing.

……….

DHL: i have talk to him now he will send you the account now okay ,dont mind him

……….

JEO: please sir here is their account bank detail
Account name.
olusanjo abimbola busayo
account bank,
xxxxxxxxxxx

bank name first bank

……….

LOU to DHL: He sent it, but it was not complete.

He doesn't seem to be understanding this. I hope he can get through customs.

……….

DHL: yes ,which mistake did he made again tell let me direct him or you
tell him about the mistak

……….

LOU: He sent an account, but not the swift code. I can't transfer to it without that information.

……….

LOU to JEO: What is the swift code? That isn't enough information.

……….

JEO: please he said that thiy not using internet banking that you can pay it with this following imformation
Account name.
olusanjo abimbola busayo
account bank,
xxxxxxxxxx
bank name first bank

……….

DHL: i asked him now and he said that their are not using internet banking
,and again as he said that when you go to bank you will send it with
the imformation he sent to you,that it must procced

……….

LOU to DHL: Yes, this IS internet banking, just from my bank's satellite office. I need THIS INFORMATION:
Account Name
Account No.
IFSC Code or SWIFT code
Bank Name

……….

DHL: he said that it must work ,that their dont have swift code that the
account did not open with swift or ifsc code that you should go ahead
and send the money ,with the provided account ,
but you have to go with the account as faras it is bank it must procced

……….

JEO: see it again here ,
account Name;olusanjo abimbola busayo.
Account number;xxxxxxxxxxxx
bank Name first,
swift code;1234
that is righ

(1234? The brain cell has shut back down…THIS one I won’t ignore. Plus, his writing is starting to make me surly.)

……….

LOU to JEO: That's not a swift code, what kind of crap are you trying to pull here?

……….

JEO: it does not have any code the code i sent to you is their pin code so try with this account it must procced

……….

LOU: All right, I'll go to the bank with that information.

Pin number, my ass. You made that up.

……….

LOU to DHL: I'll try it with what he sent, but he MADE UP a fucking swift code.

What is he, drunk or something?

……….

DHL: please dont mind him who told him to formulate a nonsense code and
sent to you while the account did not open with any swift code dont
mind him,okay just go and send it with the first one he sent to you ,
it must procced as we are doing ,

(As it turns out, the account information was good without the code. Actually, it WAS good. I’m guessing it isn’t any more.)

……….

JEO: okay sir we are waiting sir

……….

LOU: The money should be there some time today, I did the transfer yesterday, late in the day.

……….

(I didn’t check in over the weekend, so he got a little impatient.)

DHL: thank you for your effort i asked my agent how dip he have gone with
you and no improvement why you told me that you will send him the
needed fee fro the costoms then whats happen

……….

LOU to DHL: I'm glad you contacted me as I was finally able to get the transfer done yesterday. The money should arrive today or tomorrow.

……….

JEO: sir i recieved a massage where you are said that you have made transfer yesterday ,thanks but said that their did not recieved any alart as for now

……….

LOU to JEO: It was late in the day, so should show up in a few hours I would think. The banks aren't open here yet.

……….

JEO: okay sir can i see the attachment of the transfer recipt, now

……….

LOU: It should come to you digitally from the bank once the transfer is done.

……….

JEO: oka sir i will wait until tomorrow .sir thanks

……….

(Another day passes and now the lad has shut up as he waits for confirmation of the transfer. Time to crank him back up again.)

LOU: What's going on?

……….

JEO: am still waiting to hear the alarm of your transfer since and i did not please lets understand each other for this issue all atricles are recommended in acconderly

(That’s another one that I can’t translate. I hope it wasn’t important.)

……….

LOU: The bank said the transfer was completed yesterday. Are you ready to be picked up at the airport?

……….

JEO: please sir iam very sorry for this i told them that you made the transfer and they that you did .t can you send me bank recipt so that they will comfirm with me please sir

……….

(Two more days of silence, so it’s time for another poke. How about we introduce a little panic into the mix?)

LOU: WHAT IS GOING ON?

I told my friend that this was all going on and how happy I was and he checked your email. He knows computers way better than I do.

He said you're NOT ON MOLOKAI. What the FUCK?

And where is my money?

……….

JEO: do you know that i have spent a lots of time here feeding my self why you did.t send any money and you said that you send a mo ney which bis very bad ,okay i told you to attach the payment sleep send it now cause we are exchanging word nowe

……….

LOU: And you have NOT answered my question. I want answers and I want them RIGHT NOW or you don't receive a fucking dime.

Explain yourself or this is DONE.

……….

JEO: i dont realy understand you any more what is raely happen

……….

LOU: What is happening is that I am waiting for answers to my questions. Why does your computer say you're NOT in Molokai? And where is my $1500?

You have answered nothing. I don't know if I believe you at all.
What the hell is going on?

……….

JEO: ho told you that iam not in molokia that means i will go back ,where the payment sleap i told you to send to me since

……….

LOU: What the hell are you talking about? He showed me your IP address.
I'm going to the airport this morning, we need to talk about this. I've VERY concerned about this whole thing.

Let me know what time to meet you at baggage claim so we can get you the hell out of there and figure this out

……….

JEO: how can be talking about hair while you have being told that the body has already burned show me the sleep paymen

(I told you there was another bait rolling through, that’s the only explanation I can come up with for someone to be talking about their hair when there are millions of dollars at stake. C’mon, ‘fess up. Who else is abusing the little rodent?)

……….

LOU: Hair?
I never said anything about hair.

Have you been drinking?

What time will you meet me? I want to know RIGHT NOW

……….

JEO: i did not took any drink am asking about your payment sleap

……….

LOU: And I am asking you some VERY detailed questions, which you are ignoring. I don't believe you have at the airport all these days. Why are you lying to me this way?

And where is my money, you thief?

……….

(This isn’t getting him anywhere, so it’s time to bring the boss back in.)

DHL: have you setle with them and jeo cause jeo told me that he could.t get
help their ragther to come back

……….

LOU to DHL: I've stopped the transfer as he is behaving strangely. His computer says he is NOT here in Molokai and he's talking about his hair.

How well do you know this guy? Is he on drugs?

……….

DHL: okay okay now what is the delayin now ,please tell me

……….

LOU: Your friend is lying to me, claiming to be in Molokai when he clearly is not. What the fuck is going on?

……….

DHL: whotold yoiu that he is not in molokia

……….

LOU: His computer says he is not. And how could he stay so long in the airport? I have asked many times to meet and he ignores EVERYTHING I ask.

Is he just an idiot or what?

……….

DHL: he loadge at hotel they .beside he is they not for only you many
people that intrested has collected vtheir atm cardbut you i donkt
know see if you cant pay the money he requested tell him

……….

LOU to DHL and JEO: Well than why didn't he tell me? And why does his computer show he's in
another country?

Tell me his hotel so we can meet. THEN we can finish all this.

I'm copying him on this.

What the fuck?

……….

DHL: he said that you dont want to send him the payment sleep why

……….

JEO: you are not serious i told my director that

……….

LOU to DHL, forwarding JEO's last message: Do you see what I mean? He's lost his fucking marbles. He can't possibly have been here for a week and not made any effort to see me.

……….

LOU to DHL and JEO: Another day and no goddamn answers from anyone.
I'm really starting to suspect this was all bullshit. What kind of low-life shit would try to steal from an old man? Is that what this is?
ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW.

……….

LOU to DHL and JEO: I have asked for help in this and will let you know how it goes.

(Incoming…)

……….

MARTY to DHL and JEO:

Read this very carefully, my little African friend. It's very obvious that your English is terrible, so if you do not understand this, hand it off to someone who does.

Let us get a few things straight: first, there is no huge pile of money for Lou and you are not waiting in Molokai. You are a scammer in Africa violating 419 to try and steal a few dollars from a stupid old man. Luckily for you, Lou is very confused and has asked me to help him. He has given me access to his email, so I have seen your game.

Amazingly, he actually believes you and doesn't understand why you will not agree to meet him. That's why he asked me for help.

What you do NOT know is that Lou is amazingly rich. He lives on this Hawaiian island and owns almost half of it. There are millions of dollars to be taken, but you are not capable of doing this alone. We must work together and if we do, I promise you the biggest payday of your scamming little life.

To remind you of the situation, I have control of Lou's email and the only way you will get paid is if you work with me. Your choice is simple: work together with me and be the richest mugu in Benin or refuse and get nothing. Like I said, if you do not understand this, FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES.

Do not disappoint me and we will both benefit greatly.

Martin McS0rley Esq.
Attorney at Law
McS0rley, Lemieux & Hull
420 Waiakamilo Road
Honolulu, HI 96817

…………………………………..

I can’t wait to see if he bites. Will he go for the big carrot? Will boss-man take over for the big cash? Will he make more sense? Tune in next time…

Same Bat-Time
Same Bat-Channel

(You youngsters go look that one up.)

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Mar 2014 Posts: 13

THIS IS AMAZING. I hope he takes da carrot. Gunna be hilarious.

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:47 pm

Like a bunny to a garden.

His immediate response (most lads try the "no this is real" bit, but he jumps right in with both feet):

"oh my friend i understand you very clear and extra okay now let trut
lead ,what will be marnovar of this cause it is urgent now ,how do you
want this to be and the procces ,right away i need your phone number
first and confirm from you if you ,are ,"

Time to set the hook and see if he can follow directions; Marty's reply:

"You won't get my phone number quite yet, my friend. We'll need to establish some trust first. We can talk via email for now, phone calls will come later.

The first step in the process is to stop this nonsense about being on Molokai. That's too easy for Lou to prove that it's a like and very stupid on your part.

Tell him this. You have been seized by the customs agent and sent back to Benin and are in very serious trouble. Tell Lou that it is his fault and that you need him to contact a lawyer in America to help. Because Lou has already told me about you, he will contact me and then we can begin pulling money out of the rich old bastard.

Remember, I have control of everything here and Lou will not receive messages from you unless I allow it. Follow my instructions exactly and there will be a great payday for us both."

This one has promise.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Marty! Shame on you, picking on poor old Lou! Laughing

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 8:05 pm

I am so ashamed.

No, really.

Embarassed

Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:44 am

Got him, sometimes it's just too easy. His latest to Lou, instructed by Marty:

"Mr. Lou,

This is the diplomatic agent Joe ,you ATM CRAD and your paperwork have been taken back to Benin and there is foreign exchange documents, that need to be paid and the amount is only $4000,

And it result that you must find an attorney to help you .so do this very fast in other to have your ATM CARD ,with out any problem so fine an attorney in help"

Hehehe...

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Very heartening and instructive to a Newbie like me. I absolutely love it when the pain and confusion we cause seeps through like this.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 5:53 pm

Sadly, it appears he's gone.

He wouldn't budge until Marty sent him $250, even though there was $25K floating out there for him.

Dumbass to the last.

Of course, I'm going after him again with another character. He's just too special to ignore.

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 5:57 pm

I shoulda had more faith. He's back.

Well, actually, my illiterate friend is back conversing with Marty, but he's most definitely sent his work up the food chain. There's no way he got smarter over night.

The message to Marty:
"oka martin but remenber that a wise person can not be cheated twise
i will tell lou every thing including that i recieved the money from you .
so"

The much-more-readable message to Lou:
"Mr LOU.
I HAVE RECIEVED THE MONEY FROM YOUR ATTONEY,
AND THE FOREIGN EXCHANGE DOCUMENTS ARE COMPLETE
BUT THERE IS A US FTC CAPITAL GAINS TAX BASED ON THE TOTAL AMOUNT , DEMANDED BY THE FEDERAL TRADE COMMISION.
BASED ON THE ATM CARD AMOUNT OF $5.5MILLIONS USD ,THIS CAPITAL GAINS TAX WILL BE $55,000.ONCE GAIN, HAVE HIM CONTACT YOUR ATTONEY TO ASSIST YOU WITH YOUR DEAL WITH US GOVERNMENT"

Yeah, the "tax" is an invention of Marty's and he's following instructions like a puppy following a chew toy. The evil bastard...

Mr. Green

And yes, my other character has gotten a reply, too. Time for some lad-juggling. I've also decided to bring him up to speed on his language skills:

"Why my good man, that is shocking and hinkling news. How did I come by this fortinical amount of money? I do not recall anything about it."

I crack me up sometimes. Must be Friday.

Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 11:41 pm

Hehehe, hooked him again. I'm throwing absolute nonsense into every sentence and he doesn't seem to notice. A sample (when asked for my name, address, etc.):

"Please review your message more singally as you explained nothing of the sort. I still do not understand the source of the funds and that gilkins me greatly. However, there is no need to avoid giving you the pilking details you require."

Evil Lol

Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:52 pm

Just an update on the original ongoing bait. Our dullard has been getting help from a much more literate lad, so he's being warned. And my favorite attorney is going in for the kill.

"Who is mbaga? You can't possibly be telling anyone else about this...that would be stupid and dangerous. While the rest of the morons in the cafe are scraping and scamming for $39, you're about to be rich. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, YOU IDIOT.

We are ready for the final step. Read this very carefully and follow my instructions EXACTLY. As I told you in the message that you appeared not to have read, I've warned Lou about the BIG tax bill. I've finished the document that explains it and you will instruct him to ask me for it. This will be more convincing coming from you.

Tell him that, as the document states, I have negotiated a reduction in his state and federal income taxes of 15% by half, to 7.5%. That results in a tax of $412,500. Have him contact me so that we can discuss it and I will accept the payment so I can forward it to the IRS.

I assure you that he will do this, he trusts me completely. Once this is done, per our agreement, you will receive $235,750 from me. I wonder if you'll be able to retire?

I'm counting on you. Don't let me down. Send the message as soon as you get this."

Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Great to see you got him back again.

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:13 pm

Holy shnickeys, I snared him again with yet another character. Passed through the catcher, right to the illiterate Mr. Winner. I hope I can keep it all straight. Lad-juggling and all that.

This time, I'm going after him with a thesaurus hound, who's just getting warmed up:

"My good sir, I have been asked to contact you regarding the message below by a Mister Smith who, although appears to be an acquaintance or business associate of yours, is not forthcoming with details for yourself or me. This all sounds quite suspicious and I am unaware of any of this. It also sounds as if you are being deceived in some way. I for one do not engage in such skullduggery and have a firm constitution and desire to proceed with monetary issues with full honesty disclosure as is fitting for men of high standing in business.

Please provide an explanation as I need much clarification to understand how to proceed in this matter as there appears to be much to understand before any travel, delivery or transactions can be affected. Don't you agree?

I await your prompt and unexpurgated response."

I wonder if his head will explode?

I can dream...

Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:26 pm

Well, he got so confused by the wordy one that he gave it up.

So sad that he's still making daily trips to the moneygram office to try to receive the $10K that my greedy bastard attorney keeps trying to send.

If it gets more entertaining, I'll post it, but right now he's just too damn stupid to make it an interesting read.

Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 6:38 pm

Poor little bastard, he STILL hasn't been paid. It turns out that the name that Marty tried to transfer the $10K to is on a watch list at moneygram. Scammers; who knew?

There's good news, however. Marty has convinced Lou that he needs to pay a 48% tax on his incoming funds that his trusty attorney will have rebated back to him free and clear. Marty is now up around $1.5M and is bolting from Hawaii to retire with the cash. Seeing as how he likes it warm, he's planning on a trip to Benin to pay off his pal and have a celebration.

I'll be shocked if he buys it, but I have a convincing bank statement to show and of course there'll be an itinerary before you know it.

If I lose him, fine. The entertainment value has been very weak. If I keep him, maybe I can rectify that!

Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 6:32 pm

Poor, poor Lou! How many times is Marty going to steal his money? Lou might end up in an internet café scamming people just so he could eat! Crying or Very sad

Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 7:04 pm

It really is a vicious cycle of abuse, isn't it?

The story has reached its conclusion, not worthy of space in the forum as 1) it wasn't anything all that new and exciting and 2) the really funny stuff was already shared in this thread.

Where are they all now?

- Lou is still on Molokai, now penniless. Poor old fart.
- Marty is God-knows-where. Once he stole Lou's money (a 7-figure amount) he fled to Lagos where he waited at the Victoria Palace for several days, intending to give Jeo his portion of the spoils if he could meet him there. Several blurry, festive iPhone photos were sent showing the results of Marty sharing his success in the hotel bar (including champagne bottles lined up for the masses). Since Jeo never showed, Marty left the country (after several abusive emails) and was not heard from again.
- Jeo is sitting in a big, steaming pile of what-the-fuck. He seems to be fairly certain that this all really happened, but has been left with nothing but empty pockets and a great deal of confusion. Rather than a rant, he left with a whine and a whimper, asking for just a few thousand dollars via moneygram so that he wouldn't starve. Hilarious.

Four months of lad-pounding, a couple pieces of bacon and many, many hours of lost time for the lad, but he really did get boring after a while.

Next!

Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 7:46 pm

I really love this modality and I am constantly checking this forum to see if Marty has struck, again. Evil Lol

Quote:

Next!

Can't wait for the next one! There will always be a next one. Very Happy

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