Talk about missing the point...

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Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:58 pm

Into my inbox dropped a Cancer Patient letter. It held few surprises (emphasis added).

Quote:

I am Mrs. 0liveira P3dersen. from United Kingdom (LONDON) I was married to Mr. P3dersen 5chmitz. who worked with United kingdom embassy in Ghana. we where married for nine years without a child but we where still praying and hoping that God will bless our marriage with a child but unfortunately he passed away in the year 2010 after a brief illness that lasted for eight days.
Before his death we were both born again Christians and after his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of One million two hundred and fifty thousand united states dollar ($1, 250. 000.00) with a Global Security Company in Ghana. Presently this money is still under the Security Company account.
And because of what my Doctor recently told me that I may not be able to make it for the next three months due to cancer and stroke problem. Today i have decided to donate my late husband fund to individual Christine that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. And that is the reason why i have contacted you.
I will want you to use this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don't have a child that will inherit this money, and my late husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. Is because i am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my battle and I shall hold my peace. And please you must know that i don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and the presence of my late husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.
And i shall give you the information and contact details of the Security Company as soon as i hear from you. And i will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the original- beneficiary of this fund okay. And i also want you to always remember me in your pray and any delay in you replying back to me will give me room to searching for another individual Christian for this same purpose. So therefore i will appreciate you get back to me as soon as possible...

Naturally I wanted to know something specific:

Quote:

Your plight is a terrible one, and I understand what you intend, but I must ask how you came to contact me.

Turns out she has a strange source (emphasis added)!

Quote:

Thank you for the response to my message.
And i want to use this medium to say God will continually bless you with the hart of understanding in Jesus name.
In response to your email and the below question.
Without wasting time i will like you to know that i contact was given to me by a custom officer there in west African Accra Ghana, whom told me that you are a very good man whom have assisted lots of homeless people in Africa, and because of your good hart i decided to reach and inform you that i will want you to receive this money from the security company and please use it as i have instructed in my previous email.
So therefore if you promise me that you are capable of using the money as i have instructed you then i will give you the company details and contact person name also with an authorization latter that you will present to the company as the rightful owner of the funds okay.
Thank you for the understanding, as i await to hear from you.

Mal is an honest man, so...

Quote:

I confess myself baffled by your response.
Firstly, I'm an atheist without any belief in God - any God.
Secondly, your source is gravely mistaken. I have not given assistance to the homeless in Africa. I've had no dealings in Africa since 1993 when I served in the peacekeeping force in Somalia.
Thirdly, I would not use your money to "spread the word of God". Any such charity would be without any religious aspects.
On a personal note - your comment about "get[ting] a child outside [the] matrimonial home which the Bible is against " is ironic; I have one child, a daughter who was conceived outside wedlock.
I have been honest with you, and I hope you accept this.

Now guess what got "her" attention?

Quote:

From your response i can see that you did read my email very well. I told Before the death of my husband we were both born again Christians and do not have a child.
If suppose i had a child i would have not contacted you. My child would have been the one to inherit this money. But because i do not have a child and after the death of my husband I decided not to get married again or get a child outside my matrimonial home that is the reason why i have contacted you okay.
So therefore i ask you to please read my email carefully and let me know if you are willing to receive this money there in your country or not.

Mal was baffled!

Quote:

That anecdote about my daughter was a mere aside. I suggest that you read my email again because the first three points are very relevant to you.

Lads; guaranteed to find new ways to fuck up.

Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2014 1:52 pm

One of the more frustrating aspects of baiting is that very few lads actually read replies unless they have MTCN numbers in them-and then they only look at that part. I have one lad who keeps sending me the same formats and follow-ups in an endless loop, even after (in spite of best baiter practices) I virtually burned him. I seldom bother replying to him any longer and when I do it is usually just a variation of "drop dead," or "f*ck off."

Of course if you can get your knucklehead to actually realize what you have said and the implications--and if he still thinks you will bite, you will likely have a grand time of it as he goes off script.

On a side note, I am always amazed at how utterly baffeled most lads are if your character is an athiest. How people whose lives revolve around such evil intent and purpose seem to have an unfailing faith in God and God's goodness without for a moment thinking perhaps they ought to, you know, worry about that God's judgement, simply floors me. In my own barely marginal attempt at living a Christian life, I'm always most aware of my failings, sins and hypocrcies whenever I give thought to God's caring for humanity. It throws my own pathetic imitations of Christ into stark contrast.

Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 3:56 am

^^^ These religious lads probably use compartmentalization. Scamming is in one part of their brains, religion in another and never shall the twain meet. That way they don't feel the anxiety that comes with having conflicting values.

I did criminal defense for a while and some of my clients would use their religion to rationalize their criminal behavior. Lads could do the same thing -- "I live in a poor country without many good jobs. It's my job to keep my family from starving. God knows I'm a good person at heart and I am just doing what I need to survive." Or they have convinced themselves their victims are bad people somehow and God won't mind if they do bad things to bad people.

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