Desperate Dan Illuminati Man - PART II

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Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

So now we take up Part II of the story of Desperate Dan's Despair - this time from the aspect of Seymour and the rent boys. It's good to have read Part I by now and it's worth pointing out that much of the action here has been contemporaneous and interwoven with Dan's equally torrid time with Leslie in Part I

As a reminder, he is the architect of his own downfall in that he somehow got his magas' identities confused and sent one of them (Seymour) a message meant for Leslie. Both characters are mine, but are in no way connected, except that they are both intent on winding up the lad as tightly as they can - and boy is he wound up!

Big Boy is Leslie's pet boa constrictor, but Dan can't stop mentioning him to Seymour ...

Anything in purple is me and at different times there will be Jody, Sammy and Phil (a flatmate):

***********************************
From: Dan
To: Seymour
date: 3 March 2014 15:20

Dear Seymour
Listen ten people where selected and now you want to bring your friends is a good idea, but there is a problem this friends do you trust them are you sure they will not lick your secret and that of ours out as times goes by???? because no one plays with the illuminati hope you are very much aware of that my friend? and also how old are your friends and how meany are they in numbers? what type of work do they do for a living? get back to me once you see this mail.

***********************************
from: Seymour
to: Dan
date: 3 March 2014 21:03

OK I have three friend.They do work in dancing club as rent boy. Me too. Sammy, he 16 Jody he 16 too. Glorious he ladyboy age 20. I tell them no lick my secret no lick secret of Mr Dan or anybody else. I tell them you must remember this, as time goes by???? They all good boys

***********************************
from: Dan
to: Seymour
date: 4 March 2014 00:19

Listen now i will help your friends ok. kindly send me their emails so i can forward the illuminati membersip candidate form to them asap.

***********************************
[So we'll cut to the chase and cut out all the dreary to-ing and fro-ing of the gang getting their starters, etc., except to mention here that during this, Seymour innocently mentioned this as an aside: "My box not here yet." meaning his illuminati box of tricks
Here comes Dan in a bit of a ratty mood (well anybody would be, having to deal with Leslie's row with the couriers as well as this lot);]
***********************************
from: Dan
to: Seymour
date: 7 March 2014 13:21

Hello,
Hell yeah your friends have mail me, and please note that you are not going to receive the parcel until you make the payment and send the payment details.

And please let this be your last mail to me if you are not ready to follow our instruction until your payment is received you are not getting your parcel from the courier service, and as for the bOX for your Big boy, is very ready so all you need do is go and send the money and stop asking too many questions else you stop writing me. [Oops!!]

**********************************
from: Seymour
to: Dan
date: 7 March 2014 13:56

WHAT?? You gone crazy? I not ax for box for my BIGBOY! What you mean BIGBOY? My bigboy not in BOX it in my pants. Only gulfren touch it. My BIGBOY get ready when I want it ready

You bein insultin big shot illuminarty man.

YOU GIVE APOLOGIES OR I NOT PAY

How is YOUR BIGBOY. Maybe not so big.

I wait now for you tell me how I pay! Maybe I not pay now.

I ASK QUESTION YOU GIVE ANSWER YOU CALL ME FIRST I NOT CALL YOU YOU WANT ME FOR ILLUMINARTY YOU BE VERY CAREFUL.

Maybe you not worth my money

***********************************
from: Sammy
to: Dan
date: 7 March 2014 14:23

OK but first you explain to me why you have insulted my friend Seymour? I not sure you are a good man and now I must give more serious thinking to this. You say in your form "We don't talk about the Illuminarti" Well, if you don't want me to talk about it you'd better start explaining. I now very serious thinking about joining this group and you must first tell me about the payment and what it is for.

***********************************
from: Sammy
to: Dan
date: 7 March 2014 20:51

So, it now 6 hours since I asked you about how much you want me to pay. Is this great secret thing so secret you are unkeen to tell even what cost there is? Seems all you want to do is get people interested so you can enjoy insulting them like you did my good friend Seymour. Do you want me and my friends or not? Choice is yours.

***********************************
from: Seymour
to: Dan
date: 7 March 2014 22:43

Eight hours I wait for you. You not give munkey-fuck you highly insult me. I think you play games. Not serious. What you say now?
***********************************
from: Phil
to: Dan
date: 7 March 2014 22:50
That form you sent. I can't get it bigger so I can't read it. Did Sammy and jody get one?

***********************************
from: Phil
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 10:09

Listen I said I can't read that stupid little form you sent. Please make sure you don't send anything more for me to my work address. Thank you
***********************************
from: Jody
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 10:18

OK I'll read it. At least it's bigger than the stupid little form you sent yesterday. Listen send one of these to Phil's boss Sigmund. I think he might be interested. By the way have you sent an apology to Seymour. He's a very sensitive lad but he won't join if you don't treat him right. He really was very upset about you making fun of his tiny little willy. He can't help that. He's really a nice lad and we all love him. Please send him a nice kind message so we can all join together and have fun . Also, you sent something else that looks like a big black patch [it was Dan's pitiful excuse for an ID card. If you haven't seen it, visit the illuminati mass-bait thread] Can't make head or tail of it. Have a nice day
Love Jody xx
***********************************
from: Dan
to: Jody
date: 8 March 2014 11:58

Am very sorry if i said any worlds of insult to your friend i really please help me talk to him and tell that i said am very sorry. please am sorry help me talk to him or kindly send me his cell number so i can also give him a call to tell him how sorry i really am.
***********************************
from: Dan
to: Seymour
date: 8 March 2014 12:06

Dear Seymour

Please i just talked with your friends and i told them to tell you how sorry i am please forgive me if i have said or done anything to wrong you am really very sorry my friend. i will instrust mrs laurie to look for a good cage for your friend to take is big boy down to long beach California i promise am going to do that please help me to tell your friend that am very sorry for the insult. [Oops again!]

***********************************
from: Seymour
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 12:30

Why you keep tarkin to me bout my big boy? This my bissyness not yours. You kepp tarkin of put my bigboy in cage? You MAD? Why you hinsolt me? My bigboy bissyness of me an my gulfrind and keep inside of my pants I tell you this bifor! I not like you kep arsin my bigboy. What you tarking bout, man? you not sen me no more stupid shit. I no need illuminarty box frum you I go in some other illimoonarty place. You shit, man.
***********************************
from: Dan [Tries a different, but utterly disastrous approach]
to: Seymour
date: 8 March 2014 12:37

ok that fine put because of all the insult that you have been pouring on me now it my town to show you what the illuminati can do i will kill your big boy in assure you of that. i just send your photo to the great lord and he said he his going to kill your f****ng asshole big boy so let see who will be the one to beg you dum dick head [He just will not learn,will he? By the way nobody has sent him any photos]
***********************************
from: Jody
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 12:50

What's your game, illuminati man. Poor Seymour has just called me and said you insulted him again. Why do you keep on doing this to him? He is absolutely distraught. Is it because you know he is foreign and not good with English language? He is very, very sensitive about his personal stuff and now we must all gather around him again and comfort him. Please do not contact any of us, either Seymour, Sammy, Glorious Phil or me. At least until we have settled the poor darling back down. This could take all day. When we have done that we will discuss your offensive manners and decide together whether or not we still want to join your club
***********************************
from: Phil
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 12:51

Hey! I just been talkin to the other guys. They say you upset our friend Seymour. What are you, man? Some kind of freek?

***********************************
from: Dan
to: Phil
date: 8 March 2014 12:53

but i just told him am very sorry for the insult i even told some of his friends to help me beg him so what more do you want me to do???

***********************************
from: Dan
to: Jody
date: 8 March 2014 13:02

Please my friend i beg you in the name of god help me tell your friend that i said am very sorry for the words of insult i said to him i really am is just that am so very angry with that express he is the one who is caursing the whole of the trouble right now i even told your friend that i want to remove him from the post but he was to one who told me to allow him stay please tell him am very sorry for the insult i really am and i promise it will never happen again please am sorry and we all need you all in our gret club you are the type of people we are looking for i want to make the word to see you all as a great heroes i really am very sorry for the insult please help me tell your friend that am very sorry ok. [snivelling little git! They don't know anything about Les's problems with the courier service - they don't even know Les but poor old Dan still stumbles around with his size ten in his mouth]
***********************************
from: Dan
to: Sammy
date: 8 March 2014 13:24

please am very sorry for the insult i insulted your friend i really am please help me beg him to gorgive me plese am really very sorry my friend it was because of what the express courier said that made me do it am really very sorry for the insult i really am ok.
***********************************
from: Jody
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 13:26

Now you are blaming somebody else. What's he got to do with it. What's wrong with Express Courier Service? Stop sending stupid emails that mean nothing.
***********************************
from: Dan
to: Seymour
date: 8 March 2014 13:27

ok am so sorry i did not know that you where talking about your pant ok.

***********************************
from: Seymour
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 13:57

You not SORRY! You keep up mess with me you total arsehole F**K MONKEY. YOU GO STUFF YOUR F***IN OWN TEENY LITTLE BOY UP YOU F***IN BIG HEARSE OF SHIT. yOU i NOT JINE YOR STOOPID LITTLE BOY CLUB IF YOU PAY ME MILLYON DOLLAR!! F**K YOU!

***********************************
from: Dan
to: Seymour
date: 8 March 2014 14:00

please even if you keep on insulting me my friend all i will keep on saying is am very sorry i really am please find a place in your heart and forgive me cause i know you are very angry with me right now please forgive me my friend please i beg you ok.

***********************************
from: Seymour
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 14:11

You not careful I find place up yor stinkin babbon shit asseyhowl and I stuff your great lord up there!

***********************************
from: Dan
to: Seymour
date: 8 March 2014 14:13

now you are making a mistake no one refer to the great bahomet with words of insult it not allowed so you have to be very careful with the type of words you say ok. [Now that's really impressive!]

***********************************
from: Phil
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 15:02

Hey! big-shot stupid illuminati man. Leave Seymour alone. Stop your shit or you have big trouble. We are still discussing what we do about you and your shit. If you are trying to stop us joining the illuminati then you are great mistaken. We know of other ways to do this and you won't stop us. Stay away from Seymour.

***********************************
from: Jody
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 15:09

You need to tell us why you are not happy with Express Courier Service. If you want us to trust you and this peoples you must explain yourself. You not very good at your job, are you? Sharpen up or you lose business

***********************************
from: Seymour
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 15:12

WHAT?? YOU STILL COMES BACK WIT YO SHIT?? yOU GO FUCK YOUR SHITTY LITTLE SKOOL CURL BAHOMET. I not him-priss this shit no more.

***********************************
from: Sammy
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 17:19

Little Jody told me you try's to blame insults for poor Seymour on Courier service now I see you tell me same. You unhappy with currier service then why you say we use them? Why we trust currier service you not happy with? Get nuther currier service or ecxplain to us why you not happy with them. Do your job good not shitty like so far maybe we think again

***********************************
from: Dan
to: Sammy
date: 8 March 2014 17:42

pay with my information then you are advice to kindly pay withe the information below ok.

Receiver Name:WESSON DAN
Address: Dakar Senegal.
After payment you are to send the follow details below:
Sender Name:
Sender address:
MTCN Number:
Amount Sent:
Text Question and Answer if required
as soon as you make the payment forward me the details so i can send it to them today ok. attached to this mail is my illuminati natianal identity ID card you are advice to download and take a look for your self ok.

***********************************
from: Sammy
to: Dan
date: 8 March 2014 18:13

You just bein stupid and shout at us. Go away

- [and guess what? He has. But I reckon that before long, he'll come crawling back for more....]

***********************************

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

The grovelling little ess-aitch-1-T has scuttled back for more:

Quote:

Hey there Dan Listen man we got together thats me, sammy jody and poor little seymour. We all worked on him together and after a long time we got him carmed up a bit.then we tucking him in bed jest afore we going off to work the bar then we all had a good night pullin tricks and com home.

Listen we all agreeings maybe we give illoominati another chance for to jine an we say sorry we was tough on you eve n though you is a little shit for what you done. seymour he like little chile somes time he not have mum or dad when he grow up

Listen Dan we dependin on you Dan be nice to our seymour or we say byby illoominarty for good.

Quote:

THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS Thank you so much i must tell you that am very happy receiving this mail from you it a great pleasure to have hard back from you guys i am very sorry for all i made you and your friend went through. and i promise this time i will never let you guys down. well i dont want to waste any much your your time please just contact the express courier and tell them to send your parcel to you ok. as soon and you get your parcel try as much as possiable to get back to me so i can fex a fine and comfortable rooms for you guys. sorry for asking how meany are you?? because i would like to know if you guys will like to stay in a very big apartment all want to be given separate rooms.

Seymour's going to get a birthday card from Dan ..... Very Happy

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