Run to the Hills, Run for your Life (NSFW)

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Posted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:44 pm

The other day I received this:

Quote:

Hello Friend

Good day to you and your family, I know that this letter may be a very big surprise to you. I came across your email contact from my personal search.

My name is Mr. Run Sovanna the manager of auditing and accounting department of Bank here, .It is my interest to contact you in respect of our client from your country who share almost the same name with your name. I shall explain in details when I read your reply.You are my first contact, I shall wait for days and if I do not hear from you. I shall continue with my search, Thanks

I know I say Big Yawn, Big Bad Yawn too but I figured let's take a Run at this one:

Quote:

Hi there Run,

Sorry for not responding sooner but your message ended up in my Spam folder. Anyhow I like what you are proposing here but would also like to ask if you are looking for a new Girl in your life as I'm curious.

Later Gator,

Now Run doesn't appear to be much of a Marathon Man but he was easy to Drag off Script:

Quote:

I dont understand what you mean by new girl please

The Race is Afoot:

Quote:

Hey Run,

I was looking for a Boyfriend when you contacted me. Aren't you interested just a bit?

Don't Let your Bum Hum or your Bag Sag,

Little did I know that the Running Man was unused to the affections from the Ladies:

Quote:

what is your job

Not exactly Running off at the Mouth is he?

Quote:

Hey Run,

You certainly aren't a Cunning Linguist are you? Well I am in the Adult Entertainment industry. I hope that is okay with you Darling.

A Little Song, A Little Dance, A Little Seltzer Down your Pants,

Silence! Well that was until Candy gave him a Poke. There's no sense in Hitting the Wall at this point is there?

Quote:

give me your phoine number I want to call you and talk to you first.

How Sweet! Obviously he doesn't want to Race into anything just yet:

Quote:

Hi Run,

You certainly aren't much of a charmer are you? Well it would be nice to hear my Darling on the phone so here you go Honey:
K7

Keep the Faith at Bay and Let Salty Dogs Lie,

Will he Call me? Please don't let him hit his Threshold:

Quote:

I called the number but it was on voice mail so call me

Yeah he called but didn't leave a Message. I've put my Heart Rate and Sole into this too:

Quote:

Hi Darling,

I saw you called but I couldn't answer the phone because I had a Dick in my Mouth! You know I wanted to hear that sweet voice of yours don't you Honey?

Oh well I'll give you a call tonight when I get a chance.

Keep your Stick on the Ice,

And there we are. Quicker than Ben Johnson I tell Ya! So in closing Run has these final thoughts:

Quote:

ok

So uh...well...is there a Female in the House that would like to call this Moron in the middle of the Night? I don't usually ask but this might be fun. There are a few details but it isn't really all that complicated unless you are adverse to playing a Drunken Smut Star I suppose....

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

^I'm kind of already a drunken smut star (I'm a legend in my own mind). I'm up for it!

Posted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 11:01 pm

^Cheers! A PM will be coming your way!!! Thank you!!!!

Posted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 11:50 pm

Glad to see you back in fine form-even if you stole my Candace Kane.

Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:31 am

^Heh. Mehinks we will hafta share huh? Candace has been a long running character of mine though she usually prefers 'Candy'. Let's see what others think of her (NSFW):

Quote:

I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of allI like your ass!

Aww the Classics eh?

Quote:

How are you Candy?
How will you got your SUSAGE WHEN YOU ARE FAR FROM ME? JUST AS I SAID YOU ARE WELCOME HERE IN GHANA IF YOU WANT TO BE FUCK.

Smooth huh? Let's see what else can be said about Candy:

Quote:

Meanwhile she receivedhere ticket yesterday and but never give me her flight details all she did istelling me, she should be here by Saturday evening. And promise to write me aproper message, but what I got from her this morning is only fuck ike bala balaerror message, drunk and has fun with the craw that is the only thing understand brother

Well how Sweet is that? Now we might as well allow Candy some time to explain herself 'Properly' as it's only Fair:

Quote:

Tom I'm OK I gotarrested fer not declaring a Bunch of Fucking things and noe I gotta wait tilsometime tomorrow and be arraingmenred. Fuvk I am not Happy with anybodyright now!! Mals said U told him tha tI cud take any amount of money andshit into Ghana!!! That wasn't Fucking tru Tom!!! Fuck!!! Here I'm at soem shitty Hotel Waitng for sentencing or whatever the Fuckthese Douchebags are talking bout. They don't sleek English good!!! Jesus Fuck I still wearing the same crappy clothes I had on since Friday! Didn't even let me change into my nice Dresss that I wiz Gunna wear ferU!!! Bastards!!!
Don't even now whatFrigging time it is here. tired as Hell Hun but. It's lite out and ID amNot sleeping. Shit the Co****ukers are pissing me off and ain't HappyATAll.... Got me?? Fuck!
Think I go bout noonor something there maybee two? Don't fucking know they stupid Fuckers can tryto wee if Malls asks? Needa. Fucking Drink !!!!
I'll try to chat fore lunchand stupid trial or whatever the Fuck they call it !!! But don't no OK? Tell msls IM KAY??? Luv it if Yu wood Tom. Think it's lie,six hours more but point now cause I am Fucking pissed off!!!
Ccandy!

Pure as the driven Snow Candy is!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

I'll whore it up better next go around.

Long and boring stuffs here: https://soundcloud.com/olivia-rose-lovely/2013-10-23-time-20-20-23-run

Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:14 am

OP, I bow to the master. bow_down

Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 10:55 am

By Gawd Ginger that is a piece of Art. Absofrickinlutely Beautiful!

Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:55 pm

You put the iron in maiden, OP.

Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:24 pm

^I guess you could say I'm channeling my inner Dickinson eh? A few summers back I got to see them and it was an incredible show. We boarded the Iron Maiden Express in Helsinki and if I had been sober through any of it I would give you all sorts of Kewl details. Oh well, enough about my Kooky Krazy self; I'll Jog my memory at a later time.

So Run around Mugu did you enjoy the call?

Quote:

Hi Darling,

Nice talking with you today, I will like to see your picture please and tell me more about you, what you like and what you dont like, Like I told you I am from Fiji Island but live in Cambodia here so let me know you more ok.

Quote:

also give me your direct line so that whenever I call I will get you direct.

Well ain't that special! I might as well be trying to get some Lovin' out of that old shoe the Dog has been gnawing on:

Quote:

Run Baby,

It was sooo nice hearing that Sexy voice of yours and getting to know the real you. Just the thought of you lying on your Bed made me feel like a Virgin touched for the very first time. And you being a Bank Manager? The thought of you touching all that money with your big strong hands gives me Goose bumps.

Now I think we are going to make a great couple once we get to know each other better don't you Hun?

Well I think I need a Drink to steady myself Darling and yeah I know Alcohol doesn't solve any problems but neither does Milk does it?

Talk at you later My Tater Tot,

Candy

PS - Hope you like my picture (Wink) and make sure you send me one of you too OK????

So I guess it's time to introduce Candy to the Forum isn't it?

I sure Hope that Mr. Runny Nose (Sorry I'm 'running' out of Puns) has to say about this:

Quote:

Honey you picture is very nice I love it.

Can you send me a better one that I can enlarge and hang on my living room please my love. and give me your direct line, I have called again but still voice mail. I want a number I can be getting you at time i call please my baby.

Uhhh well er...Huh? Okay Candy put your best foot forward and get him in line okay?

Quote:

Hi Hunny,

I’m glad you liked my picture that’s sooo Sweat! How about you hanging it in your Bedroom huh? That would make me a Reelly Happy Gal!!! You do want me Happy don’t you Baby? Hah Just funning Babe! Don’t worry if you are a Good Boy I’ll send you some a bit more personal for your eyes only.

Hun I gave you my number but I don’t usually carry my phone with me cause it can get a bit distracting in my line of Business OK? My Manager does get sorta pissed off when I stop everything to take a call even if I can multi-task you know? He is a bit of a Prick but hey he helps to keep me in the good stuff in life so I play along. You know what I’m saying don’t you Babe?

Now why don’t you send me a nice shot of yourself cause I need something to Dream about tonight. I bet you are a big strong Man aren’t you? Mmmm I can almost taste you now. Frick I best get going cause I gotta go meet a new co-worker. Hope he can keep up with me!

In a while Crocodile,

Candy

After Candy relayed that information over to her new Boy toy, he came up with this Brilliant bit of Rhetoric:

Quote:

My Pix

As luck would have it he included what looks to me like a Mug Shot:

Best put on my Drinking Cap and send something really special his way....

Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:26 pm

This Lad is about as much fun as a dead snake unless you are into that sort of thing I suppose and then he might be a lot of fun really...or oh never mind. Let's hear from Candy:

Quote:

Hunny,

You are hotter than i could ever have imagined. Holy Frick you are all mine aren't you? I'll show you the time of your life if you behave like a real gentleman! Hah i'm Funning and don't want nothing gentle at all from such a strong scallion! Just need another Drink to calm this Gal and I could make the bowels of the Earth
move and all night long too. Oh i know i'm gonna need another copy of my hairy man before long cause that'll be ruined before the morning Babe.
I bet your built like a Brick House my mighty mighty man. Can I call you my Sausage cause I'd like that a whole lot!

Love ya,

I have a theory that this Lad is starting to run out of typing ink or maybe he is really dim but it's one of those for sure:

Quote:

Thank you my darling, can I have the pictures I requested and call me please once you read this mail ok.

Okay I think Candy is finally coming into her stride here:

Quote:

My Sausage,

You certainly aren't a man of words are you? Probably all action just the way I like it though.. So you want to see a better photo of me do you? Well if you are a reelly Good Boy then maybe I can but how about you tell me something really Naughty? I want my Big Dirty Sausage to show me he cares OK???d But I think I can find something around here to Tickle your Nether religions Kay?

Y'know I had a dream about you last night and it was frantabulous! MMMm I can't wait to get the real you in my arms instead of just holding your sexy picture cause then i'd show you the real me Hunny

Hate to see you go but love to watch you leave,

Baiting Guru Joined: 21 Nov 2010 Posts: 2200

^^ Time for the hairbrush. Laughing

Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 5:27 pm

Dang I wish I'd thought of that before I sent my next response. That's it I'm tired of all this BS; Baiting Sober that is....

So let's lace up our shoes and put our best foot forward as Run is starting to look like he is hooked:

Quote:

My Joy,

Thanks for the picture, Baby I want us if possible to skype or through yahoo messenger ok so that you put on Cam and I too the same.

Love u, I need some sexy pictures that will make me feel cool. how about that? love u always

Well he's going to get Blisters if he keeps this up. Best confuse the Poor Lad a wee bit:

Quote:

Aww you’re a Real Sweaty my Suasage,

Hey yu just caught me in time cause I’m heading into town n Train so I can written a bit buts its shurelky Bumping lmore than Johnny Spruce.

So you really like me do you? Frick that makes me so hot just thinking of you lusting over me like that and hanging my picture near your bed so you can slobber all over it with your sexy man stuff..s Frick I’m getting distractedly now Hun! Y’know what I mean don’t you tiger?/ hah! Of coarse you do!

Baby you know my Prickly Manager doesn’t like me to go on Web cams cause he says its badass for Business butt don’t worry I’ll call you so I can hear that Sexy vioce and talk reel nasty with Mr. Naughty OK? Now I gotta be out tonite with the crew for a Shindig at the Zanzibar so I don’t think I can call til Saterdays sometime and shit soryyr shtis Frickin’ Ttrain is Bumping like ah My Godsdanmn m,erlot! Jhezzus crappsakes.. I gotta Gett that sto0pid Conductor to get me a nother and quick Oh here we go we’ve stopped so that’s better. Phew that was Pissing me on and not in the good old Golden way either!1

Yeah Hun I hope you can wait til I call on Saturday ok cause I,m sort of busy but will be free then and we can have a looking talk on the phone. Damn tittyFuk we’re moving again..;so I’ll talk at you soon and Send me something REEL1 Sexier so I can Dream up some more and you too okay?

Remember the second Moose gets the Cheese,

Ccandy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

Quote:

Damn tittyFuk

Oh this is going to be a fun phone call!

Baiting Guru Joined: 21 Nov 2010 Posts: 2200

^^

Quote:

Oh this is going to be a fun phone call!

I love it when you talk dirty.

Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:52 pm

Sadly the reception was bad last night...Oh Well I'm sure this Ass-Clown will get over it. Candy who was Bizzy Celibating her new 'Job' had to send her Man a Message:

Quote:

My Sausage,

Baby I tried calling my Loving big Sweaty Mann and you was all nots landing too butt love yu OK? Cn \i call laterr \hun:mn,f? Been long day with hey Frick I;m typing gdm sorry so Idiopt was buggong me Run sorry okay and so I was telling you they want me in Asia! Yeah I gunna do thzt is yu think kay??? Haf lotgs drinks biutts not quite cause gonna love youso much !!!!! Mythe eay it id big sweety Sausage yeah hyou and that's Great!

m y Darkljin duc yu gotta no tghis is the reel deel and we be togeter like too Pres in a prod yeah aint that good but doory Drinking and call soonnBabe? Miss me
big Manm

Lov e nd Big blowy Jobbers Okays?

CcANsdy

I've tried my best to relay proper information to Run and he appears to be reading between the 'lions:'

Quote:

so when are you coming please

Obviously it is quite a feet for this one to formulate a sentence. Best reassure him that everything is running as it should:

Quote:

My Runny Sausage,

Sorry I couldn’t hear your Sweaty voice last night but Itired caling ok? You no am not feeling all goodly today cause it was late night meeting promos and other drinks too .Ohh my Head I should learn Baby but I wish you were here looking after me so I am with lieing in bed all the time needing someone my Big Man.

So my Manger wants me to go on a real big job sooner rather than the latter but we haven’t worked details all out either butt it’s a Big Feature ‘A Man Called Horst’ and it should pay a Pretty much too I think. Yu ever think you’d be an Actor? I bet you’d be gooder than most being all big and nice with those strong appendages that make sa Gal like me Swoon into deeper tentacles! Yeah babe I am loving you and your enlarged heart cause its what we all want don’t you think Baby?

So my Love I am going to wait from you nd your most bester words on love and all that other stuff we come to no and ad from what we achieved as a couple okay?

Love,

Candy

PS - XOXOXXX

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 11:07 pm

Earlier I called him 'as fun as a dead snake' but that is an insult to every Dead Snake so I apologize:

Quote:

Thankj you baby, I have been busy today can you call me please or give me the number to call you now

He is just begging to get wakened in the middle of the night. Sadly Candy doesn't pick up on any of it:

Quote:

y Run,

Mr. man I was missing yu so bad and just wanted us to being koving too \ok? Can't say so much and you know right its True Baby! Kindsa busy now entertaining Horst and My Manager and they wnats b]me behaving like its important but want yu soo bad my Sweat sweaty Saudsage lover! Kay? Mmm i can tasteing it more and wants it too an yu? Don't you?

Love and lots of kisses butt gets sooner when we see rather than laer i'm thinking and thats goodsl Yum!

Ccandy
PS - When we meet and get married can i have Swans at the house? Love those birds and not just orange sauce I'm talking pets and oh gots to go sorry Baby!!! XOCXOOO

Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:15 pm

I'm trying to keep on Track but if I can get more than a sentence or two out of this Lad I'd be Happy:

Quote:

Ok baby,

I asked you for some special pictrures which you promised you will send but I am still waiting for it please.Love you baby.

Sweat Jeebus ain't you ever heard of Google? Why must I provide all of this for you? Oh right...I'm the Love interest. Completely forgot as my mind is racing about:

Quote:

My Sausage you sure are a special kind of man y'know? I just love how you tell me sweety things cause thta's scial to a Girl like me okay? Now I guess I can be tricked into showing you a bit more but you gotta send me a nice Sexy picture too Baby! C'mon Mr. Man I want to see what you realty looks like here and don't be shy or I'll spank you good. Hah you are my lover you know? Don't be Shy my big Greasy Man!

Now why don't you tell me what you reelly thinking kay?

Luv ya Hun,

Candy

PS - Yu never answered me if we can have Swans wghen we are together. They are my favorite Birds and are really Fricking Pretty don't yu think too?

He had better let me have my Swans....

Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:30 pm

BJ is jealous. She wants some swans too!!

Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 5:06 am

Wow, that is hot! Well done Ginger! I am totally in awe Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

^I got stuck when he asked me where I was..."at home???". I prepared properly for the next call (had a few drinks) but the idiot answered the phone either in the middle of a windstorm or with his idiot head hanging out of the window of a moving vehicle. Neither one of us could hear the other one speaking.

Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:58 pm

You know Ginger that you are free to call this Lad anytime you want to don't you? He never has gotten the Drunk Lovin' he truly deserves....

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

^Oh yay! I'll drunk dial him next time I'm under the influence or when he's sleeping.

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