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Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:35 pm

This was a quick bait, but it's been highly entertaining. Work was slow so I had a lot of time to dedicate to the lad, which is probably why it only lasted a week.

UPDATE 8/20/2013 - Lad is back. I guess he's trying to recoup the cost of all the phone calls and can't let Cherise go yet Very Happy

UPDATE 9/4/2013 - Lad's phone is dead. Did he ditch it after twigging? Or did he run out of credits? I guess we'll never know....

I wasn't able to record the phone calls, but I wrote down some of the best quotes so I wouldn't forget them. They're included in the narrative as close to verbatim as possible.

Characters:
Anita Brown - Rich widow dying from breast cancer
Barrister David Kime - Her legal respresentative
Kane Ferg - Consultant manager at Zenith Bank PLC (we never really talked; he just sent documents to sign)
Miss Mercy - Mrs Brown's assistant in the hospital (introduced on 8/16)
- My character, an assistant at a mid-sized Hollywood movie studio

It started with the usual dying widow plea, $12 million to donate to charity and I get to keep 40%. I picked it out of my catcher account because the subject--"Calvary Greetings"--was the same as the one that led me to baiting in the first place. Calvary wasn't a very nice place, so far as I remember, so it only makes sense any greetings from there would be painful. For the lad....

Also, this quote cracked me up:

Anita Brown wrote:

I have just about 2months left to live in this world. This is my last wish on earth as my death is imminent and its final.

I decided to try a different approach with the lad, just to see what he would do.

Cherise wrote:

Oh. My. Gosh. Mrs Brown, is that you??? I haven't heard from you in ages! I'm so sorry to hear about your cance though. Do you remember me? This is Cherise, from your third grade class!!!

He sent me the script back and added "age" to list of things he wanted from me Laughing

Cherise replied with all the information and reassured him that she was 33 years old, and that she hadn't seen Mrs Brown for 15 years. The lad decided to run with it (although he laughed during phone calls every time I made reference to knowing Mrs Brown).

Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:49 pm

After the initial exchanges, Mrs Brown dropped out of the bait fairly quickly. She went into surgery, and at first she was in a coma, but at last update she was on a respirator. Because, you know, cancer.

Barr David was kind enough to step in and help proceedings along. He calls me immediately after I sent my information to Mrs Brown, and the 30 minute conversation was priceless. Favorite quotes:

Barr David wrote:

You are in Hollywood? Do you know Kim Kardashian? She visit here. I was, I was the lawyer who sign the papers so she could come here.

Quote:

After you send the money, perhaps I will come see you in Hollywood, yes?

Quote:

You are not a liar, yes? I don't like liars. I do not lie, I never lie. Lying is against my religion, that is why I am so popular in the government.

Quote:

You are very blessed. What color are you? Are you black or white? Are you black American or white American? [Cherise: I'm a white American.] Oh that is good, that is good. That is perfect.

The barrister also lets me speak to Anita Brown for a few moments. "Hello dear? Hello?" in the worst falsetto I ever heard, interspersed with much coughing. I had to mute the phone so he wouldn't hear me laughing.

How much are the filing and lawyer fees? A mere $20,000. A steal, really, especially for a rich American living in Hollywood. Cherise isn't sure how much she has in her bank account, but it's probably close to that. Where should she send it?

Barr David obligingly sends along Closed lad accounts

x1

Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:04 pm

Cherise gets tied up at work and can't make it to the bank that day. She's working on a film, so the phone goes off too. The next day, after twelve missed phone calls and two voice messages, she answers the phone. The barrister is unhappy.

Barr David wrote:

You need to keep your cellphone close, close to you. Please, keep it close okay? It is very frustrating when I call and call and you do not answer.

Quote:

Mrs Brown went into surgery last night. I call and call because she is crying for you, she is crying and screaming your name, but you do not answer. You do not answer. Why you do not answer?

Alan was on the ball with the first account, and the lad baits himself. He sends Closed lad accounts

x2 without me having to ask, because "the previous one has reach it limit, I apologize for the inconvenience."

Cherise runs right over the bank on her next break (she's very blessed, you know), but it turns out there's a problem. Her rent and the payment for her mother's rest home came out, and all that's left is $50. That's probably not enough, is it?

Barr David wrote:

Alright noted, but it will also be more better if you can make the payment before 15th as you stated.

He doesn't want me to forget about him, however, so he keeps himself busy sending me updates on the progress of the document filings and calling me to make sure I understand the process. Lots of reminders not to tell anyone, not to talk to the banker, not to talk to my family.

I mention once that I told my mother and he flips his hat. Then I reassure him that she has Alzheimers and won't remember anyway. He thought that was highly amusing for some reason....

TO BE CONTINUED....

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 9:16 pm

Over the weekend, Cherise goes out in the desert to begin shooting their film "Pirates of Africa." All the studio's work goes to waste, however, when the executive producer notices Death Valley looks nothing like most of Africa. Cherise mentions she has an old friend in Nigeria, and the executive producer asks her to follow up with Mrs Brown about possible shooting locations.

The barrister plays along, making small talk while Cherise waits to get paid so she can transfer the fee.

Barr David wrote:

Mrs.Brown can not talk much at the moment because she lost many strength during her resent surgery.

But please I will advise you to be more focus on your project these week because I'm very sure by the time you recieve your $12.Million project funds you will have enough to sponsor or push your career more. Meanwhile we don't have desert in West Africa, I guess they have 1 in South Africa which am not sure.

I've been trying to reach you on phone from Hospital today without any response, i guess maybe you are tired after your long Journey from desert. Please be more committed to your transaction these week because we have just these week to cover all transfer process, OK. and please don't forget to arrange the deposit Thursday morning so that i can secure the remaining document"APPROVAL LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENCY" for you, It's the only thing delaying your transaction at the moment.

He also calls for a short chat, and drops this little nugget of wisdom.

Barr David wrote:

Do less, always do less...it make much less work. Less confusing.

After a few more emails, however, he gets annoyed.

Barr David wrote:

You don't sound serious to me anymore concerning these project, how can a sick woman find a film location for your production on a sick bed???? Honestly it's unethical....

I just told you that we don't have a desert in West Africa, maybe you can find in South Africa which I'm not sure and South Africa is another far distance part of Africa which will take you about 7hours by flight from my Country.

Cherise doesn't like his tone and slaps the lad.

Cherise wrote:

Excuse me? I don't think you're reading my emails carefully, barrister.

1. Mrs Brown has lived in Nigeria for several years, you said. I'm sure she could recommend some places without even leaving the hospital. Or you could, since you live there. It's not unethical to ask an old friend to suggest some places to consider filming a movie in a foreign country where she lives.

2. I said we are NOT filming in a desert any longer, after the catastrophe this weekend. The producer wants to film in an actual African location.

3. I wasn't answering your calls because I was in my 8:00 AM meeting. I asked you to call me after 9:00 AM my time.

I'm doing my best to help Mrs Brown, and I don't appreciate you saying I'm not serious about this.

Apparently, the barrister likes being slapped around. Suddenly, he's all smiles.

Barr David wrote:

"Smile" Your email is well understood by me, I was just been too protective because I want to make sure nothing Jeopardize your transaction/project as Mrs.Brown pleaded.

Until i finish your transaction then i can have rest of mind because it's one of my piority to make sure you recieve the funds so that you can commence on your project as the founder of your owner foundation.
Honestly you need to thank God every day of your life because you have achieved what others have been praying to achieve for many years, I must say you are such a lucky woman and I appreciate Mrs.Brown love you so much.

I apologize if i sound rude on my previous email, I'm not offended in anyway and i never meant to upset you, OK.

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 9:33 pm

The barrister is sure of his payment. And then it all starts to go bad....

Cherise wrote:

It looks like I'll be visiting Nigeria after all! The executive producer researched the country, and he's decided he wants to film in the village of Gbangba and at the nearby Kwanti Nature Reserve. He's sending me to take pictures and discuss payment with the local people. Do you live anywhere nearby? What hospital is Mrs Brown in? I'd love to see her!

The barrister valiantly keeps smiling! In spite of realizing just how much he's been spending on phone calls to California.

Quote:

Oh, that will be lovely after our transaction, but honestly i don't know a place called " Gbangba" it should be in a village and i don't really know villages around here because all my life has been in city right from my teenage period till date, even my children don't know anything about villages "smile" i prefer traveling for a tour outside the country with my family if we really want to spend time together.

It will be my pleasure to receive you here and show you around town "SMILE" yes! but that will be after all transaction so that we can have enough time to relax and wine together.. "Still smiling" hope you don't mind? but please make sure you are careful with everything you are doing, OK.

I hope my call don't get you upset sometimes, please forgive me if at all it makes you uncomfortable, I will have to limit calling you from now onwards, OK. Sometimes i just like hearing your voice than sending email, because you are such a generous woman who cares about people so much, I'm sure your people will be proud of you after your project.

It looks like the lad won't have to wait until Thursday for his fee after all. Cherise's boss wants to help Mrs Brown too, so he loans Cherise the money. She promises to stop by the bank on the way to the airport and send the money.

Yet the best laid plans so often go awry.

Cherise wrote:

It turns out my credit union is too small to make international bank transfers. They don't have a SWIFT code, which I guess they need. But don't worry! I promised I would get you the money by Thursday, and I will.

I had them convert the $20,000 into traveler's checks and I will deliver the money to you personally.

The barrister doesn't like this. At all.

Barr David wrote:

No, It's not acceptable because the court/office of the president must have a record for the transfer due to your transaction is an international project, so find a way to wire the funds, which is the only way your transaction can be ligal.

I await your payment copy.

The barrister also calls six times and leaves two panicked voicemails. Too late. Cherise has taken off and can't answer her phone on the plane. She can, however, send emails.

Cherise wrote:

I'm confused barrister. I thought the $20,000 was for your fee. Why would the office of the president care how you received your fee?

To have the money within his grasp, and then have it so cruelly yanked away! The barrister begins to get testy.

Barr David wrote:

Follow my instructions as stated, I know the best way to handle your project as your attorney, so proceed as I've instructed,
the money you are sending is to cover all necessary fees regarding your transaction, that's all.

I guess you are playing games with me these time because you are not just doing the right thing, you are now doing what you like regardless of the project. You can't even pick your call at these point. That's wrong.

He then decides the problem must be with the bank's SWIFT code and tells Cherise to send 10 payments of $2000 each through WU.

Quote:

If it will take you much time to wire the money due to swift, then send it through western union with the below information.

Below is my secretary information to enable you send the money through western union or money gram install-mentally.

EMAIL ME ALL THE PAYMENT COPY OF THE WESTERN UNION, AND THEN SEND THE REMAINING TOMORROW WITH THE SAME SYSTEM.

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 9:48 pm

Cherise explains that she can't access WU from an airplane. The barrister is so furious at this point that I can almost feel the heat from the computer. For several email exchanges, he copy-pastes the same WU directions, no matter what Cherise says. Then he finally manages a sputtered email.

Barr David wrote:

Western union is easier, you can send anywhere you are in the world and email me the payment copies.
Please proceed without any further delay, I don't have much time with you at these point.
Please proceed immediately and stop playing on yourself. Am i understood!!!??

Cherise doesn't understand.

Cherise wrote:

Of course I understand. I told you I'd be happy to make the transfers, if you really need the paperwork. It seems so silly to me though. I'll be right there in the same place you are.

My airplane lands in Addis Ababa in a few hours, but your instructions won't work. I'll only be there for 2 1/2 hours, so I can't wait a day and then transfer more money.

The barrister has a complete melt-down.

Barr David wrote:

Send money through western union and email me copies as i instructed or please do not email me again!

Cherise is completely confused. After landing in Ethiopia, she uses the movie studio's international bank account to make the transfer and calls him from Addis Ababa. He goes ballistic on the phone (I wish I could have recorded this!) and we get these hilarious quotes.

Barr David wrote:

I have never had a client like you before. I wish I had never talked to you.

Quote:

I don't need the money. I work for the government and I make $500 million per year. $500 million, yes. Keep your money, I don't need it.

The receipt is the electronic version (a fake email from a fake bank with a link to a fake site through an IP logger). The barrister becomes convinced Cherise is trying to hack his computer.

Barr David wrote:

When you get back to the state make a proper wire transfer and scan the payment copy to me, or send western union any area you are with the information i sent you.

Apart from that do not email me again or i will block you from my list, So please respect yourself.

Quote:

Now i know you need to visit Rehab. Simple English you can't understand and you keep playing games, I regret having you here, please stop sending me emails.

Don't send me emails please, if you have something serious to say then call me you have my number.
About to black list your email, until you settle your issue with me then i can consider your attention.

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 9:57 pm

Cherise tries one more time. She uses the hotel's scanner to scan the receipt to a PDF. The lad is so paranoid at this point that he won't even open the file. He insists it be sent as an image so he can see the preview before he downloads it.

That's the last straw. Cherise has missed her connecting flight to Lagos and is not thrilled with the barrister's histrionics. She sends him a JPG and a promise to cancel the transfer in the morning.

Barr David wrote:

Noted with thanks, Madam you have every right to do whatever you like, it's a free world and your choice.
I wish you safe trip to your destination, Mrs.Brown is back from come but she's using medical ventilator "Oxygen" at the moment so i can't express myself much to her because throughout my life at an attorney I've never seen a sturborn client like your type before, it's so unbelievable!

I still did not open the attachment until you prove yourself right, but why are you behaving in such a manner?????????? you sometimes sound like a strange woman these period and it was not how you behave from the start, at first you sound so generous and kind, but now you are something else which is so confusing.

Cherise isn't happy with him either.

Cherise wrote:

Barrister, I thank heaven I am not your client. Don't call me that. If Mrs Brown needs my help, she can call me directly when she's feeling better. She's an amazing woman and I think you are taking advantage of her. What kind of a person does that to an old woman? Would you like it if someone treated your mother like that?

And we get what I think is the best email of the whole bait so far.

Barr David wrote:

You are the one causing confusion to yourself, when you become serious we will all know, but for now you are still confused. I will never call you, i just called twice today and i always keep my words because i never call you the way i use to call you before when i thought you are a very serious beneficiary to my client, I've handled alot of project/transaction for Mrs.Brown which was %100 successful, but on your own case I'm still surprised.

Enough of your email today please, call me when you feel like talking to me but don't send email unless i instruct you to.
Respect the instructions and that makes you responsible.

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 10:08 pm

Cherise sends an email to Mrs Brown warning her of the unstable behavior of her attorney. Miss Mercy, Mrs Brown's assitant in the hospital, replies.

Miss Mercy wrote:

My name is Miss Mercy, the personal assistant, on behalf of Mrs.Brown.

Please have patient with him, he complained you don't listen to him or follow instructions, like i told you earlier my lawyer is a nice man if you get to understand him more, Please do whatever he ask you because he can never mislead you in anyway he will rather make the transaction/project more successful, so please when he is talking just listen to avoid misunderstanding, OK?
Mrs.Brown is awake but can't do anything at the moment on a sick bed because of her health condition, she also asked if you have made the deposit to Barrister? please take it easy with him and work as one, also try to understand him and ask him question if there's anything you don't understand.

I have to go now and we expect some good news from you soon.

The barrister finally works up the nerve to open the JPG and doesn't like what he finds.

Barr David wrote:

We just check the copy u sent, No stamp, no signature, no account. If you are serious then make a proper wire transfer and email me the telegraph copy for confirmation, the copy was verified by our offshore department and they find out that you never made any transfer, so do the right thing is you really want to handle these project and tell yourself the truth.

Miss Mercy sends her input as well.

Miss Mercy wrote:

STOP SENDING EMAILS PLEASE, WE UNDERSTOOD YOU ARE A LIAR! IS VERY WRONG FOR A CHILD OF GOD.

Cherise doesn't bother to reply to the barrister, but Miss Mercy was nice, so she attempts to explain.

Cherise wrote:

I'm guessing the barrister is telling lies about me because he's angry I cancelled the transfer. If you believe him, you are very misled. I'm concerned about Mrs Brown.

And still the lad is on the hook. Those phone bills must have been pretty high!

Miss Mercy wrote:

IF YOU CAN NOT RESPECT AN ATTORNEY WHO IS PROTECTING YOU AND YOUR PROJECT, THEN YOU ARE NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE PROJECT, WHICH MEANS YOU CAN NOT HANDLE A PROJECT OF SUCH NATURE, AND YOU CAN NOT APOLOGIZE TO HIM?

WE ALL ARE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BECAUSE IT MAY BE A RISK TO LEAVE SUCH HUGE AMOUNT OF FUNDS TO YOUR CARE IF YOU CAN'T RESPECT PEOPLE PERSONALITY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU, BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO BARRISTER AND FIX THINGS WITH HIM, APART FROM THAT I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU.

APOLOGIZE TO HIM AND MAKE HIM BELIEVE YOU BY RESPECTING HIS INSTRUCTIONS IF YOU ARE SURE TO HANDLE THE PROJECT.

Cherise gives the lad the weekend to cool off and fix his stuck caps lock key.

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 10:12 pm

Fantabulous!!!! That is one Pissed off Lad and I like it!!!!

Great work but I have a feeling you aren't quite done tormenting this one eh?

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 10:14 pm

On Monday, Cherise sends the barrister a non-apology.

Cherise wrote:

My kind guide here at the nature reserve has explained some things to me. I think our different cultures came between us. I am sorry for the miscommunications.

The barrister is very forgiving.

Barr David wrote:

Apology accepted,
Call me as soon as you can for more details.

Cherise explains that calls in Nigeria are very expensive for her, and the lad remembers exactly who he's talking to.

Barr David wrote:

Apology accepted once again...................................................................
Please you better have to be serious these time or please do not waste my precious time over your previous attitude, if you are for real then act as instructed immediately at all time.
I'm not here for your drama, if you try to play games with me again these time then i guess you are making a big mistake.
Now call me so i can instruct you on what you should do immediately.

This isn't send until 10PM Abuja time, and Cherise is already in bed. She calls as soon as she gets the message--5:30 AM lad time--but he rejects the first call and turns off his phone, so the second call is not accepted.

Unfortunately, Cherise is leaving for the nature preserve and will be out of contact for an indefinite time. Even though the lad calls five times and leaves a very grumpy voicemail, she's out of cellphone range.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 10:18 pm

@oscarpiles - He's a very dedicated lad! Every time I think he's twigged, he comes back. The least I can do is entertain him Very Happy

I'm trying to find someone who speaks "lad" better than I do. I think it would be hilarious to have Cherise's guide to the nature reserve be a lad who threatens to muscle in on the barrister's scam. Not to mention, he's still suspicious that Cherise isn't really in Nigeria, and having another lad confirm her presence would cement him in the bait.

Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 1:35 am

Great work redo!

I think there's plenty of life left in this bait, just keep dangling those sweet travellers cheques just out of his reach...maybe use some to pay your guide, lads hate to see 'their' money slowly dwindle away.

Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 9:52 am

Really nice grumpy lad, I like the way you are poking him.

I find the dying widow scams are very fun to bait since there have to be multiple lad characters involved (usually 3) right from the start. One possibility you might push at this stage is to see if you can get Kane Ferg (bank manager) back into the conversation, perhaps by complaining about Barr David and his unprofessional behaviour.

Do you think your one lad is playing all the roles? It strikes me as very unusual to get a falsetto dying widow on the phone, in my experience they are too dying, even in the early stages, to do much more than type a few heavy paragraphs at the start of the deal, and then later on, in the moments while they hang between life and death, they get a last peak of energy right when the barrister asks for payment, to encourage you to get it done.

Many times with the more organised groups, the Barrister (money man) role is operated by a different scammer and the preliminary characters just serve to try and make you pay out. In those cases it can sometimes be effective to complain about one character to another, and even if they are all run by a single scammer they will still have to pretend they are different people.

Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 5:28 pm

^^
I'm not sure if it's more than one lad. I know the barrister is always the same lad, and I'm sure the dying widow was a lad talking falsetto, but I don't know if they're the same guy. It's possible the dying widow/assistant is a different lad.

I'm going to keep treating them like they're all different people. Good idea on getting Kane Ferg involved!

Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 9:15 pm

The grumpy voicemail was the last I heard from the dear barrister. Cherise was kidnapped and sent numerous calls for help, but the cold-hearted lad ignored her. He ignored a phone call from a Nigerian number and then turned off his phone.

Cherise's uncle paid the ransom and she returned home safely (in case you were worried). After she got home, she reached out once more to the barrister, hoping to get word of dear Mrs Brown. No luck...it appears the lad's phone is no longer in service Laughing

Here's hoping he ran out of credits and had to find some real work!

Posted: Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:33 am

Just read this one, ReDo, nice work! The rant really runneth over in this one.