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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:00 pm

I got this:

Quote:

my name is miss Diarraa

Just couldn't let it go for some reason:

Quote:

Hello Diarrhea,

Hypermotility to you my Unexpected Friend! It's so nice that you can get loose and enjoy an expulsion. I'm sure your Pictures are beautiful as I would imagine you are acute one.

My hobbies include Bowelling, Fishing (I caught Salmonella last week) and most of all sitting on my favourite Stool putting the pages of a good book behind me.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

^^^ I wondered why that shitty feeling was coming over me!

[2:10:47 PM] AUGUESTINA: okay my love
[2:10:56 PM] AUGUESTINA: so what can we chat about
[2:11:17 PM] Derrick Ratt: Anything other than the time please
[2:11:31 PM] Derrick Ratt: We already know it's 5 hours
[2:12:24 PM] AUGUESTINA: yes my love
[2:12:30 PM] AUGUESTINA: just bring a topic
[2:12:45 PM] Derrick Ratt: Farming?
[2:14:33 PM] Derrick Ratt: Fighting? Fucking?
[2:14:46 PM] Derrick Ratt: Kicking the neighbors puppy?
[2:14:54 PM] Derrick Ratt: Pick a flavor

Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:20 am

Arguing percentages with a lad, we've settle on a figure:

lad:

Quote:

60% Agreed but i need 100% trust and Asurance

me:

Quote:

OK I agree to 60% but I can only give you 80% trust and assurance

Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:48 am

One of my favorite characters to play is unlucky, mentally unstable loser Herbert. Here, the lad is trying to deal with the fallout of a gomerchop.

Herbert wrote:

sir i have just speak with the western union clerk who process my payment he tell me that money have already been pick up by recipient!!!

what do this mean????

have you receive my money or not i thought you say it still on hold?????

pls explain becus i am very wory right now!!!!!

Lad wrote:

hello,mr herbert you call western union to send you details when the funds was pick up and send me every details now okay ,am waiting to read back from you,because i have not pick up the funds.....

Herbert, in an email titled "URGENT SIR!!!!!!", wrote:

Sir i have do as u ask and call the western unnion again and ask for detaols of money recwiver the clerk he tell me the person who receive fund is name "Yoo R. Fool" and his address was "123 Fake Street, Lagos, Nigeria"

Sir what do this mean???? I thought only person with name u specify cud pick up money (snip) how has person with other name pick up money????????

I ask clerk and he say he dont know and that this person just pick up money and that is respomsobloty of western uniom in reciecer city not western uniom where i live!!!!!

Pls sir what have happen tp money i send you tgis is scare me mich what havr happen?????????

Herbert wrote:

Sir what is happen why u not respond????????????

Lad wrote:

hello,are you mad?you fucking crazy for sending me fake mtcn okay

Herbert wrote:

Fake mttcn wjat di u mean i just send wgat wwsteeb union made gave me do you think the wwstenrn uniom maube ROBBED ME???????????NO NO NO NO NO THIS CANT HAOENING!!!!!!!!!!!11

Angry Lad wrote:

hello,mr herbert you don dey mad abi?you dey monkey yourself okay,ogun dey kill you

Herbert wrote:

Whay is this is thia aan english what r u aaying??????

Lad wrote:

hello,herbert i want you to contact the bank details i sent you they will tell you what to do for the funds to be transfer to your account okay,mail the bank and get back to me ................

Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:59 pm

Miss Diaraa got back to Mals with her Senegalese troubles:

Quote:

Hi Diarrhea,

It certainly sounds like you have been getting the Crappy end of the Stick recently but hopefully there will be some great movements in your life.

Stay Loose,

Mals

Baiting Guru Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 5905

^^^^

Carrying on around this general area

To my new lad

Quote:

Dear Mr ,

How is everything going up your end?

Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 8:46 am

^^^^ <applause> Laughing

My gold lad turned love ladette wanted to know how my weekend had been. Well just a normal couple of days if you're a dragon...

Quote:

Good morning Stella

Yes I had a very nice weekend. My cousin Fafnir was here with me and he brought some lady friends of his along so we all had a very nice, if tiring time. I'll also need to get a painter and decorator in this week as things got a little messy in the playroom and no amount of scrubbing and Dettol will get that kind of staining out.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

One of my skype pets trying to work his way back after being refused money in our first chat. One of his favorite replies is "oh, that's cool" I finally got sick of it and told him to talk about something real. Since he is too thick he wants me to choose the topic. Careful what you ask for fellow.

yes raise the topic
[6/21/2013 4:56:49 PM] princess.affum: I am not good at this ..
[6/21/2013 4:57:04 PM] Derrick : Fun with flags?
[6/21/2013 4:57:23 PM] princess.affum: flags ...?
[6/21/2013 4:57:26 PM] princess.affum: mmm no

Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 10:48 pm

I got looking back at my Janks/Collins/New Collins Bait and had a few laughs. Honestly I really don't remember writing most of this stuff but that Candy is rather Harsh. Most of the Language has been cleansed but it still may be NSFW:

Quote:

Where did I go wrong here? The plan was Picard perfect yet now I am back at the Square Root of the matter. I suppose the proof is in the Punch Bowl isn't it? Jesus F*ck Collins I guess I am going to swallow my prize on this one since you youngsters seem to go through phrases all the time but why now? Why me? I had to hire Simple and Garf*ckle didn't I? F*CK!!!!

Quote:

Listen to me you little F*cktard and Listen Good! If you hadn't gone in the Bank the other day all half Cock-Eyed then this probably would never have happened! F*ck if I didn't realize before that you didn't have a Brain like that Homo Lion in that Wizard movie I know now! How am I to know if you were even in the right city? Everything else you've done in your stupid career as my Money man is screwed up so I wouldn't doubt it. This could not of been any simpler but you managed to F*ck it all up and then put the Blame on everyone else. You are just like the boy who cried wolf in sheeps clothing. Not a smart move at all Collins, not a smart move at all.

Quote:

Jesus Christ in a Clinch you need to settle down and think before you open your stupid mouth. Ms. Love is gone home for the weekend after you disappointed her yet again and I'm trying to get James on this now. There's a time to act and a time to think: This is no time to think Collins.

Quote:

You need to listen to me and listen carefully okay? This is all very import and I don't want any more of these unprofessional half corked ideas from either of you two Nuclear Seismologists.

Quote:

I don't know Nigeria from the rest of Antafrica.

Quote:

As I told you over and Bloody over Darling, we must circumcise our watches and go according to a specific timetable. This isn't play time and I get mean when you mess with my green Mr, Man!

Quote:

James why didn't you ask me this Sh*t before you sent New Collins looking for Wild Gooses? For crying out loud Mr. Man how in the Blue Hell would I know the name of it? It's not like I live there is it? There is a perfectly good address yet that Knucklehead Collins can't figure out where it is? So are you telling me that this Dickless Boy Blunder wandered into random Banks looking for Amanda Love? Only a complete Idiot would do that!!!! For F*ck sakes you two are Dumber than a Bag of Hammer Pants! I can't touch this!

Quote:

Okay James Darling, I will try to remain calm and let Schlepping Dogs lie! It's the best I can do Babe. Bear with me and I'll try to explain this to you. If you don't figure it out this time then I am afraid that we will have to move on to something much simpler although for the life of me I don't know what that might be! Perhaps we should buy ourselves an Old Bus and drive around begging for change like a bunch of Greasy Hippies? We'd spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on. Does that sound like a life for you? Not me.

Quote:

I know he isn't the smartest vessel in the Swiss navy but even he should be able to figure this out!

Posted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 3:50 am

This is why you shouldn't drink and bait

Quote:

Dear Mrs. WRIGHT

I am the spirit of father Guido Sarducci. Ive come back to this earth to check my e-mail messages. Your message would have brought me to tears if ghosts could cry but we can't so boo.

Please let me know how I can help.

Father Guido Sarducci

Posted: Wed Jun 26, 2013 10:50 pm

Another from Candy to Mr. Janks:

Quote:

James why the heck are you calling me Amanda? Have you been hit by a turnip and fallen off the idiot truck or something? Jesus Christ Mr. Man!

Posted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 12:55 pm

Cammy had sent a couple of pix (Sophie Monk) to the Lads in lieu of her passport, so when they tried some bafflegab about death certificates...

Quote:

I know you think I'm some dumb blonde you can put one over with smooth talk. Don't let the smile and the boobs fool you.

Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:57 pm

I sent this to Knucklehead Loan lad this morning. I've already gotten 4 bank accounts from him out of two of his characters. I'm back to his first character and have made my $264.00 payment (NOT). So I'm explaining the present situation to my Lad's second character:

Quote:

Nathaniel,
I'm not trying to be difficult. To my knowlege you haven't even contacted Mr. Otukpaikhian to ask him where my $500.00 is. I have had to make numerous trips to my bank to fill out forms trying to retrieve my money but there seems to be no recourse. I presently have another Loan deal in motion and have paid the Transaction fee as of last Friday. I really don't see any reason in beating a dead horse over some knucklehead employee of yours. If the other deal falls apart then I might be interested in continuing this deal on the only premise that I have already made my paperwork fee payment and you get my money deposited into my account.

This Guy doesn't seem to give up easily. I'm considering offering him up for a Massbait just because he's been so much fun plus he's coughed up two USA bank accounts.

Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:58 am

I frequently get this picture in Law Lawyer emails:

I mean no offence to the lady in question (Ghana's Chief Justice Georgina Wood), but I had to have Cammy reply to "Barrister Pennington Della" thus:

Quote:

Is there someone else in your chambers I could write to? It's just that you are really ugly and my religion won't let me have dealings with ugly people.

Posted: Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:13 pm

Something about Sp1ke the hitlad brought out the smart mouth in H0ward, my Hollywood director. Probably his pet eagle and lack of intelligence....

Sp1ke:

Quote:

You need to call your Bank to confirm if this come is really transfer ??? Act fast right now....

H0ward:

Quote:

I'VE ALREADY CALLED AND CONFIRMED IT WITH THEM! I sent you their reply yesterday. Here's their answer AGAIN. You're an annoying little pissant, you know that?

Sp1ke:

Quote:

MY BANK SAID THAT! THERE IS NO MONEY INSIDE THE ACCOUNT

H0ward:

Quote:

NOT MY PROBLEM! If your bank said it was there and it isn't there, it's the BANK'S PROBLEM. I sent you the $2000 like you demanded. Now take your filthy, worm-ridden, scavy pile of feathers (and your eagle too) out of my life!!!!

Sp1ke:

Quote:

H0ward,Here is the correct account to make this payment to Malaysia now, and get back to me Asap..

H0ward:

Quote:

The Malaysia account you gave me will not work. The banker said it was flagged for suspicious activity, and they refuse to make any transfers to the account. That makes sense, because assassinating people is a bit suspicious. I guess I can't send you the $2000 after all.

Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2013 9:23 am

A Lad named Jones, angry over my refusal to copy a passport, had the idea that I could get a fake Nigerian passport. Acrimony ensued, during which I told him:

Quote:

You can't accept facts as they are and want to replace the truth with your own reality. Only Adam Savage can do that and not be scorned outright.

Posted: Sun Jul 14, 2013 10:05 pm

Last summer whilst I was gallivanting across Europe I took some time out to abuse a Lad. He hung on for quite a while even agreeing to meet me at the Train Station. Sadly I forgot about the time as I was in Tivoli Gardens drinking Gihungus Beers with some local Gals:

Quote:

I will ask you to refrain from using the f word and focus on what is more important

NSFW:

Quote:

Peterson you had better quit telling me what to you got that? Jesus F*cking Christ you are something else!

What part of wanting to negotiate didn't you f*cking understand here? Am I the only one taking Crazy Pills here? You come up with something a bit more agreeable and a half decent contract and we can talk turkey!!! I don't want no shitty photocopied hunk of crap either. This has to be witnessed, notarized and all that other shit that you claiming to be a businessman should be doing without me having to tell you. Got it Pederson?

Now I'm very busy so get on it! We aren't getting Married so no F*cking Courtship is necessary. If you do call me (K7) make sure you speak clearly and in a professional manner. I am so Bloody sick of people hanging up and mumbling that I feel like snapping.

Now hurry your Dumb Ass up and get me what I need the God Damn weekend is coming up and I don't need this Shit taking longer than it should F*cktard.

Posted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:18 pm

Once upon a time I was dealing with a scammer with the unfortunate name of Jemima:

Quote:

I don't feel that this is a time for waffling and I
definitely do not wish to be pancaked between you my Sweet Aunt Jemima
and Mrs. Butterworth.

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:31 pm

My character was being exteremely hospitable towards Connor Cooper:

Professor Connor,

How are you doing today? I`ve been doing a lot of talking with my children. My children and I are excited to have you with us soon.
Everything is ready for your arrival. After all the misfortune and frustration with the failed moneytransfers I felt so tensed. All the trouble I have been through, and it didn`t do any good. Mr Winkowski insisted on using Western Union online to make a transfer,but I took the initiative to use a moneytransferservice I hold in high regard. I hope he agrees with this.
If this wouldn`t work, I see no other way than using plain old bankaccounts to make a payment. Much easier for everyone.
We`ll see.

Since we are very much attached to hospitality in the Netherlands, I`ve been talking to my daughter. I`ll have you know, that when you arrive, she`ll attend to your every need.
Since her puberty she has been well trained to please men. She had good teachers I must say. It`s only good form to welcome someone in to your house, and let him use your daughter. She is a brunette, has blue eyes, is slim, and holds a masters degree in agriculture.

Hope to hear from you soon.

With kind regards,

Tadeusz

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

[8:58:14 AM] princess everpure: i have not being feeling good at all
[8:58:22 AM] princess everpure: we have not spoken for many days
[8:58:25 AM] Derrick : Why?
[8:58:29 AM] princess everpure: i look for you.and nothing happens.
[8:58:35 AM] princess everpure: we keep missing eachother.
[8:58:36 AM] Derrick : I am working
[8:58:37 AM] princess everpure: thats bad
[8:58:46 AM] Derrick : You know I must work
[8:59:03 AM | Edited 9:00:33 AM] Derrick : I have a bad habit of liking to eat when I am hungry

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 5:10 am

From a massbait in which the lad is trying to buy an optical device he knows nothing about from my character:

Quote:

It doesn't make sense either to send you a grate that I made for someone else, since people set up all sorts of different setups on their benches and need to pick out different colors. It's a rainbow out there!

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 4:42 pm

I'm rather proud of this little bit of de-education sent to my banker lad.

Quote:

My bank is still not able to transfer the funds. I was a little confused by the explanation, but it will probably make more sense to you since you're a banker. This is what they said: Sovereign Bank was a state bank. It was purchased by Santander, which is a federal bank. Federal banks and state banks are on different computer systems. Because Sovereign is becoming a federal bank, the state transfer system no longer works. My bank is a credit union. Credit unions have their own transfer system, which is different than the other two. They can transfer easily to other credit unions, but they have to use an agreement with a state bank in order to transfer to another state bank. The federal system is entirely different and doesn't talk to their system at all. Because Sovereign is in the process of becoming a federal bank, the system is in transition, which means it doesn't recognize the credit union's system.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I like that one Redo. I am likely to steal and edit that for future use.

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:04 pm

Linda Mobutu, niece of Mobutu Sese Seko, wants me to help her with

Quote:

the income accrued from over payments and personal diamond business at the mining co-operation.

Dunno if she'll want to go any further once I asked

Quote:

Not meaning to be rude or anything, but wasn't Mobutu Sese Seko a thieving parasite?

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 10:10 pm

^^^ NV, please do! I'd love to hear one of the lads come back with it to me someday Very Happy

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