YOU ARE A GREEDY BASTARD - The Evil Attorney is back (NSFW)

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Posted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 8:55 pm

This one seemed to stretch on forever, with some odd twists toward the end. If you’re familiar with my “evil attorney” routine, you’ll recognize this as a bait that went down that road. This time, however, I decided to make the attorney an especially abusive prick, just to see what would happen.

Enjoy!

The cast of characters:
The victim: Carl1ing Christian, innocent retiree on the island of Molokai
The lad: John Kuto, ECOWAS Manager
The fly in the ointment: Martin Mcs0rley, Esq., sports agent and all-round a-hole.
And away we go, my comments are in parentheses:

…..

From: MRS. SARAH LOUIS. <bogus return address, of course>
Date: Fri, May 17, 2013 at 4:53 AM
Subject: Attention:Beneficiary
To:

Attention:Beneficiary

I have been informed by the CHEVRON/TEXACO COMPANY LTD to anticipate your message as this office has been assigned to handle the payment of your grant donation prize and also to alert you that your previous mail was received here on this office desk and content clearly documented. I would advise you follow the instructions given to you and your Donation parcel will be sent to you fully sealed within the next 24hours. A cheque has been issued in your name and we have
concluded the processing of all documents that will facilitate the clearance of the cheque in your Bank.This document includes the following:

Directors Name: MR, MIKE COKER
Company’s Name: CHEVRON/TEXACO COMPANY LTD UK
E-mail: [email protected]

1.DONATION CHEQUE VALUED THE SUM OF US$8,000,000.00. 2. DONATION CERTIFICATE FROM THE CHEVRON/TEXACO EXPLORATION AND PRODUCTIONCOMPANY LTD (CTEPC). 3.CLEAR SOURCE OF FUNDS CERTIFICATES(C.S.F.C.) 4.LETTER OF AFFIDAVITS FROM THE NIGERIAN HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE, STATING THAT THE DONATION WAS RECEIVED LEGALLY FROM THE UNIVERSAL DONATION PROGRAMME, ANDDULY SIGNED BY THE LEGAL ATTORNEY TO THE ECOWAS.

These documents have been securely sealed and packed for security reasons which makes it impossible for anyone to view it until its been delivered to you. Find below our delivery options which you are required to choose the one that is most convenient to you to enable the delivery of your parcel to the address which is sent by you to this office.

I want you to indicate once more your mode of delivery for the purpose of documentation in the ECOWAS HEAD OFFICE.

DHL Cost of delivery
Mailing: US $100.00
Vat: US $10.00
Insurance: US $150.00
Total:260usd.

FEDEX Cost of delivery
Mailing: US $50.00
VAT US $10.00
Insurance: US $150.00
Total:$US210.00.

UPS Cost of delivery
Mailing: US$5.00
VAT US$5.00
Insurance: US$150.00
Total:$US185.00.

All three options are 24hours delivery after shipment.

NB: THE INSURANCE FEE (US$150:00) IS ABSOLUTELY COMPULSORY, AND MUST BEPAID BEFORE THE SHIPMENT OF YOUR PARCEL WHILE THE MAILING FEE SHOULD BEPAID TO THE DELIVERY AGENT THAT WILL DELIVER YOUR PARCEL TO YOUR DOORSTEP).

Due to the diplomatic content of your parcel, it will be illegal to send it without being insured as it will violate the federal deliveryrules governing diplomatic parcel delivery. This means payment for the insurance fee must be made before the parcel is sent to avoid risk.

This is because of some bad experience we had in the past.

We can not afford to re-issue your cheque if anything goes wrong. In this case payment for the insurance fee is absolutely compulsory, while the mailing fee should be paid to any of the above listed delivery company you choose at the point of delivery. Your prize is protected by a hardcover insurance policy, which makes it impossible to deduct any amount from the money before remittance.

This means that the above insurance charges cannot be deducted from the prize and hence must be provided by you before your parcel is shipped.

This is in accordance with section 13(1)(n) of the international gambling act as adopted in 1993 and amended on 3RD july 1996 by the constitutional assembly. This is to protect receipients and to avoid misappropriation of funds. fill the information bellow;

1, Full Name...........................
2, Address of Residence:.................
3, country from:..................
4, Telephone Number:..................
5, Occupation...................
6, Age:..................

Kindly respond by sending us back an email immediately you receive this mail.

MRS. SARAH LOUIS.
ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES
ECOWAS HEAD OFFICE.

(Nothing new or exciting, but you never know. Time for an innocent old man to ask an innocent question.)

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto.john.agent

Was this really meant for me?

Carl

……….

kuto john

to me, bcc: me

(This was actually a forward of the original message, which buried itself in the Gmail format. Hmmmm…this one is lazy. Time to play dumb.)

……….

I got an empty message.
??

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

Attention:Beneficiary

I have been informed by the CHEVRON/TEXACO COMPANY LTD to anticipate
your message as this office has been assigned to handle the payment of
your grant donation prize and also to alert you that your previous
mail was received here on this office desk and content clearly
documented. I would advise you follow the instructions given to you
and your Donation parcel will be sent to you fully sealed within the
next 24hours. A cheque has been issued in your name and we have
concluded the processing of all documents that will facilitate the
clearance of the cheque in your Bank.This document includes the
following:

Directors Name: MR, MIKE COKER
Company’s Name: CHEVRON/TEXACO COMPANY LTD UK
E-mail: [email protected]

1.DONATION CHEQUE VALUED THE SUM OF US$8,000,000.00. 2. DONATION
CERTIFICATE FROM THE CHEVRON/TEXACO EXPLORATION AND PRODUCTIONCOMPANY
LTD (CTEPC). 3.CLEAR SOURCE OF FUNDS CERTIFICATES(C.S.F.C.) 4.LETTER
OF AFFIDAVITS FROM THE NIGERIAN HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE, STATING THAT
THE DONATION WAS RECEIVED LEGALLY FROM THE UNIVERSAL DONATION
PROGRAMME, ANDDULY SIGNED BY THE LEGAL ATTORNEY TO THE ECOWAS.

These documents have been securely sealed and packed for security
reasons which makes it impossible for anyone to view it until its been
delivered to you. Find below our delivery options which you are
required to choose the one that is most convenient to you to enable
the delivery of your parcel to the address which is sent by you to
this office.

I want you to indicate once more your mode of delivery for the purpose
of documentation in the ECOWAS HEAD OFFICE.

DHL Cost of delivery
Mailing: US $100.00
Vat: US $10.00
Insurance: US $150.00
Total:260usd.

FEDEX Cost of delivery
Mailing: US $50.00
VAT US $10.00
Insurance: US $150.00
Total:$US210.00.

UPS Cost of delivery
Mailing: US$5.00
VAT US$5.00
Insurance: US$150.00
Total:$US185.00.

All three options are 24hours delivery after shipment.

NB: THE INSURANCE FEE (US$150:00) IS ABSOLUTELY COMPULSORY, AND MUST
BEPAID BEFORE THE SHIPMENT OF YOUR PARCEL WHILE THE MAILING FEE SHOULD
BEPAID TO THE DELIVERY AGENT THAT WILL DELIVER YOUR PARCEL TO YOUR
DOORSTEP).

Due to the diplomatic content of your parcel, it will be illegal to
send it without being insured as it will violate the federal
deliveryrules governing diplomatic parcel delivery. This means payment
for the insurance fee must be made before the parcel is sent to avoid
risk.

This is because of some bad experience we had in the past.

We can not afford to re-issue your cheque if anything goes wrong. In
this case payment for the insurance fee is absolutely compulsory,
while the mailing fee should be paid to any of the above listed
delivery company you choose at the point of delivery. Your prize is
protected by a hardcover insurance policy, which makes it impossible
to deduct any amount from the money before remittance.

This means that the above insurance charges cannot be deducted from
the prize and hence must be provided by you before your parcel is
shipped.

This is in accordance with section 13(1)(n) of the international
gambling act as adopted in 1993 and amended on 3RD july 1996 by the
constitutional assembly. This is to protect receipients and to avoid
misappropriation of funds. fill the information bellow;

1, Full Name...........................
2, Address of Residence:.................
3, country from:..................
4, Telephone Number:..................
5, Occupation...................
6, Age:..................

Kindly respond by sending us back an email immediately you receive this mail.

MRS. SARAH LOUIS.
ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES
ECOWAS HEAD OFFICE.

(Same crap, different return name, same return address? This lad is lazy AND stupid. I love that combination.)

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I think you're asking me for information, but the format of your messages is a bit confusing. Is this what you needed?

1, Full Name...........................Carl1ng P. Christan
2, Address of Residence:.................PO Box 48576, Kaunakakai, Molokai, Hawaii 96748 (Bogus information, but that’s no surprise.)
3, country from:..................USA
4, Telephone Number:..................None, no phone service on this side of the island
5, Occupation...................Retired
6, Age:..................83

Carl

………

kuto john
to me, bcc: me (Yeah, he really was blind copying me…like I said, this bulb doesn’t burn very bright.)

HELLO Carl1ing Christian .

HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY, I HOPE FINE

WE ARE WRITTING TO INFORM YOU THAT WE RECIEVED YOUR EMAIL AND WE WANT
YOU TO PROCEED WITH THIS DELIVERY BUT YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE YOUR DELIVERY
AND AFFORDABLE OPTION SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED WITH THE DELIVERY OF YOUR
FUND.

BELOW ARE YOU DELIVERY OPTIONS.

I want you to indicate once more your mode of delivery for the purpose
of documentation in thethe ECOWAS HEAD OFFICE.

DHL Cost of delivery
Mailing: US $100.00
Vat: US $10.00
Insurance: US $150.00
Total:260usd.

FEDEX Cost of delivery
Mailing: US $50.00
VAT US $10.00
Insurance: US $150.00
Total:$US210.00.

UPS Cost of delivery
Mailing: US$5.00
VAT US$5.00
Insurance: US$150.00
Total:$US185.00.

YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE YOUR DELIVERY OPTION AND GET BACK TO ME SO THAT WE
CAN REGISTER YOU PACKAGE FOR DELIVERY AND SEND YOUR SHIPPING TRACKING
NUMBER INCLUDING ALL OTHER REGARDING DOCUMENTS.

NOTE THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY THE DELIVERY CHARGES OF YOUR OPTIION
BEFORE WE CAN REGISTER YOUR PACKAGE FOR DELIVERY AND SEND YOUR
SHIPPING TRACKING NUMBER.

I WANT YOU TO CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE NUMBER IF NECESSARY (+2348063149931)

AM WAITING FOR YOUR SWIFT REPLY TODAY.

REGARDS

MR KUTO JOHN
ECOWAS MANAGER

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Well, I don't think UPS delivers here, so I guess I'm stuck with Fedex]

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE DELIVERY WILL PROCEED IMEDIATELY YOU SEND
THE NEEDED AMOUNT FOR THE DELIVERY TODAY GET BACK TO ME SO THAT I CAN
SEND YOU THE DETAILS OF PAYMENT

AM WAITING

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Okay, what do we do now?
Carl

……….

kuto john
to me, bcc: me

ATTN: Carl1ing Christian

THIS IS THE FEDEX DELIVERY SERVICE PAYMENT INFORMATION

You are advice to make the payment through money gram OR WESTERN UNION
MONEY TRANSFEER immediately, and you have to send us the MTCN NUMBER
AND THE TEST QUESTION AND ANSWER. As soon as you make the payment
today.

PAYMENT INFO AS BELOW:

Receiver Name: GANIYU YUSUF
Receiver Address:LAGOS, NIGERIA

send me the Payment Informations.

Senders Name: Carl1ing Christian
Senders Address: U.S.A
Text Question:COLOUR
Text Answer:WHITE
Amount Sent: $210
MTCN NO:

As soon as you make the payment and it is confirmed by the accounting
in charge MR GANIYU YUSUF, then the delivery commence immediately.

YOUR FUND WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOU AT YOUR DOORSTEP. GET BACK TO ME
WITH THE PAYMENT DETAILS ONCE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT SO THAT WE CAN
PROCEED WITH THE DELIVERY OF YOUR FUND.

NOTE THAT WE SHALL SEND YOU THE TRACKING NUMBER TO YOUR DELIVERY
IMMEDIATE YOU SEND THE PAYMENT.

Go ahead and make the payment today

Once Again Congratulations

Regards
KUTO JOHN
ECOWAS HEADOFFICE

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I'm sorry, but it appears that I don't have western union or moneygram available to me here.

What else can be done?

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me
MR CARLING

YOU HAVE TO TRY AND GET TO A WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM NEAREST TO
YOU TO SEND THE PAYMENT SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED ON THIS DELIVERY AS WE
SHALL GET THIS DELIVERY DONE TODAY

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I don't believe you understand...there is NO western union or moneygram here.

Those services simply aren't available. When I bought my tractor, I sent the money to the dealer directly from my bank to theirs. Could we do that?

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me, bcc: me

HELLO CARLING Carl1ing Christian

I DO UNDERSTAND YOU I WILL SEND YOU THE BANK ACCOUNT THROUGH WHICH YOU
CAN SEND THE PAYMENT TO OUR ACCOUNTANT BUT YOU WILL SEND ME THE
TRANSFER SLIPT IMMEDIATELY YOU SEND THE PAYMENT TODAY.

SEND THE PAYMENT TO ACCOUNT DETAILS AS BELOW:

Account Name: Stacey Sochia
Name of Bank: Citizens Bank Bank
Account Number: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bank Code: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Swift Code Number: ctzius33
Bank Address: 2537 Constitution blv Beaver Falls, PA 15010
Account holder's address: 1055 wallace run around Darlington, pa 16115

GET BACK TO ME WITH THE TRANSFER SLIPT OF PAYMENT FOR TRANSFER CONFIRMATION

AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH THE PAYMENT SLIPT.

REGARDS

KUTO JOHN

(Wow…that sure was easy. Goodbye bank account…so sad.)

……….

Carl1ing Christian to kuto

Okay, I will try to do that today.
Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

HELLO Carl1ing Christian

IN HOW MANY HOURS TIME DO I EXPECT THE PAYMENT SLIPT FOR CONFIRMATION
AND ALSO GIVE ME A CELL PHONE NUMBER THROUGH WHICH WE CAN
COMMUNICATION

AM WAITING

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

The bank opens soon, so it should be an hour or two.
Carl

……….

kuto john
HELLO Carl1ing Christian

I WILL AWAIT THE PAYMENT IN 2 HOURS TIME TRY AND SEND ME A CELL PHONE
NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION AND ALSO SEND ME THE TRANSFER PAYMENT
SLIPT FOR CONFIRMATION

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I don't have a cell phone, sorry. It wouldn't work on my side of the island anyway.

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

OKAY DO SEND THE PAYMENT AND ATTACH ME THE PAYMENT SLIPT FOR CONFIRMATION

I AWIAT YOUR REPLY IN 2 HOURS TIME

REGARDS

KUTO JOHN

………..

(6 hours later…)

kuto john
to me, bcc: me

WHAT IS GOING ON HAVE YOU SEND THE PAYMENT SEND ME THE TRANSFER SLIPT
NOW AS THIS IS URGENT SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED.

GET BACK TO ME

REGARDS

KUTO JOHN

………..

(Out of the blue, he sent the account information again. Did he think he forgot?)

to me, bcc: me

HELLO CARLING Carl1ing Christian

I DO UNDERSTAND YOU I WILL SEND YOU THE BANK ACCOUNT THROUGH WHICH YOU
CAN SEND THE PAYMENT TO OUR ACCOUNTANT BUT YOU WILL SEND ME THE
TRANSFER SLIPT IMMEDIATELY YOU SEND THE PAYMENT TODAY.

SEND THE PAYMENT TO ACCOUNT DETAILS AS BELOW:

Account Name: Stacey Sochia
Name of Bank: Citizens Bank Bank
Account Number: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bank Code: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Swift Code Number: ctzius33
Bank Address: 2537 Constitution blv Beaver Falls, PA 15010
Account holder's address: 1055 wallace run around Darlington, pa 16115

GET BACK TO ME WITH THE TRANSFER SLIPT OF PAYMENT FOR TRANSFER CONFIRMATION

AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH THE PAYMENT SLIPT.

REGARDS

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Sir,

I don't think that information is correct. Can you check it? My bank said that account was "currently inactive due to administrative reasons". Do you know what that's all about?

It's not exactly a short trip to the bank and I don't want to waste my time again if this isn't going to work.

Carl

……….

kuto john
HELLO CARLING Carl1ing Christian

I RECIEVED YOUR EMAIL AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE MANAGEMENT HAVE
DECIDED TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER BANK ACCOUNT SO YOU HAVE TO SEND THE
PAYMENT TO THIS BANK INFORMATION AS BELOW THE YOU EMAIL ME THE
TRANSFER SLIPT FOR CONFIRMATION

SEND THE PAYMENT TO ACCOUNT DETAILS AS BELOW:

Bank name: Deutsche Bank Trust Company America
Bank address: 60 Wall Street , New York , NY
Aba no : xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Swift code: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Account name : David Steven
Account no: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Address: 29 forest drive , Cameron , NC 27330

GET BACK TO ME WITH THE TRANSFER SLIPT OF PAYMENT FOR TRANSFER CONFIRMATION

AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH THE PAYMENT SLIPT. YOUR DELIVERY IS
GETTING DELAYED AND WE SHALL GET YOUR TRANSFER TO YOU WITHOUT ANY
DELAY.

REGARDS

KUTO JOHN

(This tells me two things: 1. The first bank account got hammered almost immediately and 2. This guy is going to be EASY to drag around. That’s a winning combination!)

……….

kuto john
to me, bcc: me

HELLO CARLING Carl1ing Christian

I RECIEVED YOUR EMAIL AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE BANK ACCOUNT IS
SURE AND ACTIVE SO YOU NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AS THE MANAGEMENT HAVE
CONFIRMED IT

SEND THE PAYMENT TO ACCOUNT DETAILS AS BELOW:

Bank name: Deutsche Bank Trust Company America
Bank address: 60 Wall Street , New York , NY
Aba no : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Swift code: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Account name : David Steven
Account no: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Address: 29 forest drive , Cameron , NC 27330

GET BACK TO ME WITH THE TRANSFER SLIPT OF PAYMENT FOR TRANSFER CONFIRMATION

AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH THE PAYMENT SLIPT. YOUR DELIVERY IS
GETTING DELAYED AND WE SHALL GET YOUR TRANSFER TO YOU WITHOUT ANY
DELAY.

REGARDS

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

It appears that your "management" is full of crap, because I went BACK to my back and tried again and the transfer would NOT GO THROUGH. What the hell is this?

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

HELLO CARLING Carl1ing Christian

i think the bank you went to are fooling you because we just sent some
money into the account now and it went through

(The bank is fooling me? That’s just plain funny.)

get back to me let us other means through which you can send the payment

regards

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Fooling me? What's that supposed to mean? It's a BANK, that's serious.

Do you have another account I can try while the two banks sort this crap out?

Carl

(Can I get a hat trick?)

……….
kuto john
May 31 (7 days ago)

to me

YES BUT CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION

(Uh oh…)

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Sure, what?

……….

kuto john
to me

CAN YOU GIVE ME YOUR BANK NAME AND ADDRESS ALSO PHONE NUMBER FOR SOME QUESTIONS

(Seriously? This guy is awesome.)

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I think that's a terrible idea. I don't want the bank to catch on to what we're doing here and neither do you. That would be a disaster, let's not complicate things when we're so close.

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

NOW I SEE THAT YOU ARE A JOKER AM SORRY FOR DISTURBING YOU OLE OLE OLE

(Oops, too far and too fast. Can I reel him back in?)

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

What do you mean?

……….

kuto john
to me

THAT U ARE NOT SERIOUS HOW WILL YOUR BANK HAVE NO CELL PHONE NUMBER
YOU MUST BE KIDDING

……….

(Well, nothing can rescue a bait faster than a good slap, so let’s see if that will get this adventure back on track.)

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I never said that, what are you talking about? Read what I said, that I think YOU calling the bank is a bad idea. Don't you agree?

I never said there was no phone at the bank. That would be stupid.

Carl

………..

kuto john
to me

OKAY DID YOU KNOW OF RIA MONEY TRANSFER I THINK WE CAN USE THAT TO
AVOID DELAY IN THIS DELIVERY

(Back in line and off his script. Perfect!)

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Well, I checked it out and here is what they said:
There are no Ria Agent Locations in this area. Please select another location

……….

(Time to bring in the next wrinkle. Methinks he’s not going to like it.)

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I know somebody here who might be able to help. I'll go talk to him, he's pretty smart about this sort of thing.

Carl

----------

kuto john
to me

TRY AND SEE IF THE PERSON CAN HELP YOU SEND THE PAYMENT VIA WESTERN
UNION OR MONEY GRAM OR RIA MONEY TRANSFER AND LET ME KNOW

……….

(What’s the best thing to do when you’re turning a corner? Slow down, of course. I let him stew for a bit.)

kuto john
to me, bcc: me

WHAT IS GOIING ON CARLING I WANT YOU TO GET BACK TO ME NOW AS YOUR
DELIVERY IS PENDING LET ME KNOW HOW YOU HAVE TO SEND THE DELIVERY
CHARGES SO THAT WE CAN GET THIS TRANSACTION DONE

GET BACK TO ME

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I asked a friend to assist me and he also said that there is no western union here. He's an attorney and can help with a bank transfer, which appears to be the only option we have.

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

i have given you 2 different bank account and you told me that the
bank cannot transfer payment into the accounts so what do we do on
this

……….

(Tick, tick, tick…we’re getting slower and slower with the responses to build the frustration level, right before the hammer falls.)

kuto john
to me

what is going on i have sent your friend the bank account but he have
not send the payment let me know as we are getting delayed and there
is no time on our side.

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

What's going on? Have you heard from Marty?

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

Carl why are you playing games on this transaction

Let us talk by cell phone okay

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

I still have heard nothing from you. What's the story?

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

Carl i want you to know that this transaction will be completed so you
i will talk to your attorney today then i will get back to you as
there is no much time to get this done

Get back to me

KUTO JOHN

……….

kuto john
to me, bcc: me

Hello Carl1ing Christian

Am writting to inform you that the managment have decided to complete
this delivery and due to the delay there is an additional fees which
is the Transfer handling Fees and this will cost you the sum of $2600.

I want you to know that i have discuss this with your attorney and He
his investigating that at this moment so you have can confirm this
from him as we shall deliver your funds to you immediately you comply
with the payment as there is no time on our side on your delivery

Contact your attorney to confirm this and let me know as we have to
proceed immediately with the delivery

Am waiting to hear from you

Regards

KUTO JOHN
MANAGEMENT

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

More fees? Jesus Christ on a cake.

You bet I'm going to check with Marty on this. You best not be bullshitting me or trying to rip me off.

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

Hello Carl1ing Christian

Get the payment to me let your Attorney send it so that we can get
this delivery done as there is no time on our side.

Am waiting to hear from you

Regards

KUTO JOHN
MANAGEMENT

……….
Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Yes, I spoke to him last night and gave him a check. I tell you, taxes are a pain in the ass.

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me, bcc: me

Hello Carl1ing Christian

I will keep you posted on the delivery once i get the payment from
Your Dear Friend the attorney

Am waiting to hear from you

Regards

KUTO JOHN
MANAGEMENT

……….

kuto john
to me

Hello Carl1ing Christian

Am writting to inform you that the department of homeland have decided to complete
this delivery and due to the security and money laundering there is an additional fees which
is the homeland security handling Fees and this will cost you a percent of the total fund the sum of $52340.

I want you to know that i have discuss this with your attorney and He
his investigating that at this moment so you have can confirm this
from him as we shall deliver your funds to you immediately you comply
with the payment as there is no time on our side on your delivery

Contact your attorney to confirm this and let me know as we have to
proceed immediately with the delivery

Am waiting to hear from you

Regards

KUTO JOHN
MANAGEMENT

(Wow, that was a huge jump in the demand for dollars. However, since the attorney is involved, it must be true…right?)

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Damn, John, where did THAT come from? That's the government for you...damn!

I'll go talk to Marty. This is getting expensive, nothing better go wrong.

Carl

……….

kuto john
to me

Hello Carl1ing Christian

I WANT US TO TALK CARL THIS IS CANNOT WORK IF WE DIDNT TALK ON PHONE OKAY

KUTO JOHN

……….

Carl1ing Christian
to kuto

Okay, John, I dropped the check off with Marty. What's the next step?

I hope it's not another check like that one.

Carl

……….

(Let’s rewind a bit and find out what the attorney has REALLY been up to.)

------------------------------------------------------

(Several weeks earlier…)

Assistance for Carl1ing Christian
From
Martin Mcs0rley
To
kuto.john.agent

Sir,

Is this the correct address for the bank transfer recipient of Carl1ing Christian? He has asked for my assistance and I need confirmation from you.

Regards,

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.
Attorney at Law

……….

Assistance for Carl1ing Christian
From
kuto john

To
Martin Mcs0rley

Account Name: Stacey Sochia
Name of Bank: Citizens Bank Bank
Account Number: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bank Code: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Swift Code Number: xxxxxxxxxxxx
Bank Address: 2537 Constitution blv Beaver Falls, PA 15010
Account holder's address: 1055 wallace run around Darlington, pa 16115

SEND THE PAYMENT TO THAT BANK ACCOUNT AND GET BACK TO ME WITH THE
TRANSFER PAYMENT SLIPT

THANKS

KUTO JOHN

……….

(Incoming….!)

Let's be sure that we understand each other here, since we both know that you are not a "Manager" and that there is no money heading Carl's way. You are simply another 419 scammer trolling the internet for a victim and Carl has proven to be a willing one. He's entirely ready to send you the pocket change you're asking for.

However, you need to understand that Carl has much, much more money than you're aware of. He lives in a huge estate on Molokai and is worth millions. With my assistance, I believe we can both become very wealthy.

So here's your situation. If you refuse to work with me, I can assure you that you will not see a single penny from this scam. I've already stopped the bank transfer and have control of Lou's email, so don't bother trying to tell him that I've intercepted his transfer. I'll ensure that he never receives your message. If, however, you agree to work with me, I can help create additional charges that I can "investigate" for him and convince him to pay through me to you. I will cash his checks and send you 50%.

As you must realize, you have no real choice in this. I look forward to working with you to our mutual benefit.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq

…..

(Good bye , script. Hello bizarre and rambling rant. I think the lad could smell the payday and then it got yanked away. He seems a bit upset about it all.)

Dear Martin Mcs0rley .

How are you doing today?

I got your e-mail and the content is well noted and understood.

I buy your Gods and courage to be more concious when it come's to case
like this it is normal you get protetive over such issue as you never
knows how is real.

Look Martin Mcs0rley, i am a reputable man of high and international
standard it will be so decredicting to my credibility if this was a
scam or what so ever you call it and i still have my self involve in
it.

It is a shame today that so many people have them self involve in such
baberick attitude but am happy that i am a legitimate bussiness man
and clean and also have the fear of God in what so ever am doing in
life.

Look am not out here or moreless the allmigthy lord do not creat me
out to this world to cheat or scam people of interest out of their
money so i will reject been such ever in my life.

What you forwarded to me i even no more than that i have been scam
before but the crook was so lucky it was not in my country or i was
not that down for money and that scam was nothing i ever thought exist
untill then.

I am a knight in my church i worship as a good christian if i had ever
thought of scaming people i think God would not have elevated me to
this standard which i am now.

As i told you that is how it is this is not a scam so i will advice
you countinue all process with the delivery firm.

And my advice to you is that what so ever you do when you get this
money do remmember how you got it and help the needy do not
intimediate anybody for what so ever reason so be good to every body
whom you come accross as the allmighty lord is using this winnings to
elevate your standard and he only know's why he has done it for you so
be good.

But let me tell you one thing it still pains me alot and feel sad to
hear that you still panic about me after all i have tried to show to
you that you are not been scam? also after all the money i myself have
invested in this transaction.

KUTO JOHN

(That was…well…um…I just don’t have the words.)

…..

Message starred
from Martin Mcs0rley to 1 recipient
Re: THANKS AND GOD BLESS
From
Martin Mcs0rley
To
kuto john

(Time for the attorney to start the abuse. Like I said, the decision was made for him to be a real prick. Warning: there are dirty words coming. Lots of them.)

Please just stop all the whining. You are a common thief and we are both well aware of that. If you insist on this whole "knight of the church" bullshit you will get NOTHING for your trouble. If, however, you are smart enough to work with me, I can assure you that we will both be very rich.

I know what you are, I know what you do. You can choose to profit by this or go hungry.

And don't bother emailing Carl, I have his email account information and he will never see your messages.

Don't be an idiot and don't disappoint me...there are tens of thousands of dollars waiting for both of us that we can get our hands on if you quit insisting that you are not the scammer that you are.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq

-----

SEND ME YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION AS WE HAVE TO
TALK BUT MIND YOU THIS IS NEVER A SCAM

GET BACK TO ME

KUTO JOHN

…..

I won't be giving you that kind of information quite yet, not until we've built a level of trust that you seem to be avoiding.

We will NOT get very far with you insisting that this isn't a scam. Of course it is and we both know it. You can drop the whole innocent act and let's get busy working on pulling as much money out of Carl as we can.

And I told you he will ONLY receive messages from you when I allow it, so you can stop trying any time.

Are you ready to make some real money here or are you going to keep blowing smoke out of your ass about how you're just trying to help an old man recover $8 million that he never knew about? Your game is old and tired, BUT you have him ready to send you money. We need to work together on this and we need to do it SOON, before he gets worried and disappears on you.

Don't fuck this up and we'll both be very wealthy.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq

…..

AM SORRY I CANNOT DO WHAT YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO JUST BECAUSE YOU
WANT TO GET MONEY FROM CARL.

I HAVE A DELIVERY OF BANK DRAFT FOR HIM AND IF YOU CANNOT LET ME DO MY
JOB THEN I GUESS YOU TRY SOME ELSE I CANNOT BE PART OF THIS.

THANK YOU MR MARTIN THE ATTORNEY

KUTO JOHN

(He’s persistent, I’ll give him that. Using this game on lads, I’ve seen the entire gamut of reactions. Some run away in fear, some dive right in for the big money, others squirm. All are fun.)

…..

First, I know there's no bank draft. So do you. This is a fairly basic 419 game you're playing for small dollars.

Are you afraid of big money? What's the problem here?

You wrote, "AM SORRY I CANNOT DO WHAT YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO JUST BECAUSE YOU
WANT TO GET MONEY FROM CARL". What the hell? That's exactly what YOU are doing, you stupid Nigerian. I'm giving you a chance for the best payday you've ever had sitting in that little shitbox of a cafe and you insist on pretending your "bank draft" is real?

Can you really be that shortsighted and stupid? Please explain this to me...you make no goddamn sense.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS NEVER A SCAM AND I WILL MAKE SURE I
SEND YOU THE SCAN COPY OF THE BANK DRAFT ONCE CARL IS READY TO TALK TO
ME ON PHONE AS A PERSON.

LISTEN ALL YOU ARE DOING IS NOTHING TO ME BECAUSE IT IS HARD TO FIND A
GOOD PERSON THIS DAYS.

AND DONT INSULT ME BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER INSULTED YOU SO PLEASE DO
RESPECT YOURSELF BECAUSE RESPECT IS RECIPROCAL

THANKS YOU

KUTO JOHN

(He’s really sticking to his guns here. Good. The more we argue, the more time is lost to him.)

…..

Am I making this too difficult for you here? Are you really this much of an idiot?

There is no bank draft and we both know it. Why do you keep this bullshit up?

Carl doesn't have a phone on that side of the island, I'm sure you know that. You'll only be able to contact him if I SAY you can. Why are you stalling? I can walk you through this and we can BOTH fill our wallets.

Is there a boss man telling you what to do? I can explain it to him.

I can't believe you'd pass up big money like we can make to get the scraps. Unbelievable.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

MR MARTINS

I BELIEVE YOU DO UNDERSTAND ME VERY WELL DO ALL YOU CAN TO FOLLOW MY
INSTRUCTIONS IF YOU WANT TO HELP CARL OTHERWISE DONT EVER EMAIL ME
AGAIN WITH YOUR BULLSHIT

YOU ARE NOT AN ATTORNEY I KNOW THAT FOR SURE

KUTO JOHN

…..

Follow YOUR instructions? Exactly what do you mean?

And of course I'm an attorney, as if you give a shit. I represent professional athletes as I used to be one.

So tell me, genius, what kind of instructions would YOU like to give? This should be interesting.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

MR MARTINS

I BELIEVE YOU DO UNDERSTAND ME VERY WELL DO ALL YOU CAN TO FOLLOW MY
INSTRUCTIONS IF YOU WANT TO HELP CARL OTHERWISE DONT EVER EMAIL ME
AGAIN WITH YOUR BULLSHIT

YOU ARE NOT AN ATTORNEY I KNOW THAT FOR SURE

KUTO JOHN

…..

(At this point he sent a warning to Carl. Not a good plan.)

What part of "I have control of Carl's email" did you miss?

Maybe you ARE too damn stupid for a big paycheck.

Go ahead and send me your "instructions". I already have a plan to make you more money than you've ever seen in your life.

Don't be a fool.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

-----

WE SHALL PROCEED WITH THE DELIVERY ONCE CARL SEND THE $260 FOR THE
DELIVERY SECURITY KEEPING FEES THEN WE SHALL SEND ALL THE PAPERS
REQUIRED FOR THIS TRANSACTION

KUTO

…..

No, no, you imbecile. You need to think bigger than that.

First, give up your "delivery" crap. We know there's nothing to deliver and you're just trying to steal a lousy $260. Cheap shit.

Here's what you WILL do:

1. Contact Carl and let him know that there is an additional charge of $2,600 for transfer taxes. Tell him that YOU spoke with ME and have Carl contact me to confirm this charge. Have him deliver the money to me and I will ensure that the "taxes" are paid. I will send you half.

2. Once that is done, wait a day and then contact Carl again and inform him that the TSA is requiring a Money Laundering affidavit that his attorney (me) can supply. The charges will be $40,000 which he should once again deliver to me so that I can ensure his paperwork is correct. I will once again send you half.

Once we've gotten that far, we can then create the BIG payday. I'll inform you how when we get to that point.

Now doesn't that sound a little more promising than a pathetic $260?

Don't fuck this up.

…..

TELL ME WHO YOU ARE AND SEND ME YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN
TALK THEN I CAN BELIEVE WHO YOU REALLY ARE

KUTO JOHN

(The squirming really is funny at this point. His little script is dead, he knows he’s been found out. He’s still clinging to the “no, the money is real” line, but it’s starting to crumble around him.)

…..

Who I am is obvious, my name is in every message I send you.

And no, I'm not going to give you my cell number yet. That information is MUCH too private and we have not established any level of trust here. All you've done is continue to show me that you're not capable of doing what I have explained to you.

And you keep emailing Carl without making the demands I have told you to do. How many times do I have to tell you that he'll never see those messages until I decide he does?

Maybe you really are too damn stupid for this game.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

HOW DO I TRUST YOU BESIDES I HAVE NOT DONE THIS BEFORE AND I CANNOT
TRUST YOU WITHOUT TALKING TO YOU ON PHONE YOU HAVE TO REASON THAT
SURELY

KUTO

…..

No, I will not talk to you on the phone. That's not necessary and I consider it dangerous.

As for trusting me, you don't really have a choice, do you? I am in complete control of this situation and the only chance you have of getting ANYTHING out of this is to follow my instructions to the letter. The good news is that, if you can do that, we will both get very rich over the next few months. By the time we are done, if you do EXACTLY AS I SAY, it could even turn into hundreds of thousands of dollars for both of us.

You haven't done this before? No wonder you're so damn confused. Look, if you can follow my lead we can still make this work.

How in the hell did you get into the whole scamming thing anyway? Couldn't you find a real job?

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

LISTEN YOU HAVE BEEN DOING THIS BEFORE AND ALSO WHAT HAVE CARL DONE TO
YOU TO DESERVE ALL THESE SCAMMS FROM YOU IF YOU CAN TELL ME ALL THESE
I WILL CONSIDER YOUR OFFER AND PROCEED

KUTO JOHN

(Ah, now he’s almost turned to the dark side. He’s dropped his game and is considering mine. I like this lad.)

…..

It's none of your business really, but Carl and I have a long history. He's fucked me over more than once. One of his sons was planning on a professional hockey career and I was positioned to be his agent, a contract that would have been worth millions of dollars to me over several years.

(On the outside chance he googles my attorney, this would actually look credible. I doubt he’s that smart, but who knows?)

At the last minute, after had worked MONTHS to negotiate a contract for the kid, Carl switched the deal and hired someone else. Instead of a retirement account, I got fucking nothing.

He owes me and I'm going to get it. Are you in or not?

Martin Mcs0rley Esq

…..

ARE YOU THERE AND CAN WE TALK NOW AS I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO PROCEED
…..

Yes, I am here, but I will be in and out of the office all day. I will answer when I can.

As I told you before, the first step is for you to tell Carl that there is an additional charge. Call it a transfer tax or handling fee or something like that. Make the fee somewhere around $2,000. It is IMPORTANT that you have him contact me to confirm the need for this charge, which I will do.

Yes, I'm certain this will work and that the first extra fee will lead to many more. Carl is getting quite old and can be manipulated easily.

You've made a good decision, let's get moving on this.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

(This is where the demand for the additional cash went to Carl. John is now my partner…he thinks.)

MARTINS

I HAVE SENT HIM AN EMAIL ON THAT SO YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR PART AND LET
ME KNOW SO THAT I CAN DO MY PART.

ALSO TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF SO THAT I CAN KNOW LITTLE ABOUT YOU

THANKS YOU

KUTO JOHN

…..

I saw your message, very nicely done. I expect I'll hear from Carl before too long. I'll let you know how that goes.

As for me, I'm a former professional athlete who became an attorney/player representative after I retired. I also tried some acting and had a small part in a Nicholas Cage movie, but that didn't work out. My character got killed off right at the beginning of the movie...a short career!

I will contact you when I hear from Carl.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

MARTINS

I HAVE SENT HIM AN EMAIL ON THAT SO YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR PART AND LET
ME KNOW SO THAT I CAN DO MY PART.

ALSO TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF SO THAT I CAN KNOW LITTLE ABOUT YOU

THANKS YOU

KUTO JOHN

(Yeah, he sends messages twice a lot. He’s pretty easily confused.)

…..

I had a visit from Carl explained this "process" to him. He will bring me a check tomorrow and I'll be "assisting with the documents". Once that's done, we will wait a day and then bring up the next, much larger, payment.

Continue to follow my instructions and we will both benefit.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

WHAT IS GOING ON , LET ME KNOW IF CARL HAVE ISSUED YOU THE CHECK TO
YOU AND ALSO HOW WILL YOU SEND ME MY 50% LET ME KNOW SO THAT I CAN
SEND YOU THE PAYMENT DETAILS TO SEND THE PAYMENT.

GET BACK TO ME NOW SO THAT WE CAN TALK THIS.

AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU

REGARDS

KUTO JOHN

…..

Yes, I got the check from Carl and he is VERY eager to cash in. Now is the perfect time to hit him with another fee. Please inform him the there is a Homeland Security Clearance Certificate that is needed and that it is based on calculated percentage of the total amount, which is equal to $52,000. Blame the "greedy US government". He'll believe you as he's an isolationist and HATES the government.

Once this is done, I'll send you your half. If you want it right away, I'll need to transfer it from my bank as I'll be on Molokai for at least another week and the western union office here closed last year. If you can wait for me to go to my Oahu office, I can send it via western union from there.

The big payday comes after this one, so don't fuck this up.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

(Somehow it seems that a payday that big has scared the hell out of him. Maybe he really IS new at this.)

YOU MUST BE MAD SEND THE $1300 HALF OF THE FEE VIA WESTERN UNION THE I
WILL PROCEED YOU LITTLE BRAT

JOHN KUTO

(“Little brat”? Wow. This land needs a serious spank now.)

…..

First, if you continue to insult me you will get nothing, thief. You seem to forget that I have complete control of this situation and you have no choice in anything.

And no I am not "mad". I'm quite certain I can accomplish this, ALL of it.

Now quit fucking around and send the message that I instructed you to. I'll send you your share AFTER that.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq

…..

YOU ARE A GREEDY BASTARD AND I KNOW IT WILL COME TO THIS SEND MY PART OR NO DEAL

YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A THIEF THAT WAS WHY I AM INTENDING TO KNOW YOU WELL IDIOT

KUTO JOHN

…..

1. You calling me a greedy bastard is very funny, considering you scam for a living. Thanks for the laugh.

2. There is no "deal" here. As I have repeatedly told you, I have complete control of the situation and you have absolutely no leverage. If you don't do as I say, you get nothing. If you follow my instructions, you get paid a LARGE sum of money.

Think it through and keep you insults to yourself. You do it my way or you don't get paid a single fucking penny.

Yes, I can make this work. And what have you got to lose? You're not using your real name, you're just a criminal in a cafe. Why would you NOT give this a try?

Get on with it or give the fuck up. You decide.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

I KNEW IT FROM THE STARTING THAT YOU ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED IF YOU DONT
SEND ME MY SHARE TODAY THEN AM OUT YOU CAN CONTINUE IT YOUR SELF DONT
TRY TO SEND ME ANY MORE EMAILS GO AND TRY TO WORK THAT OUT YOURSELF.

GOOD LUCK MR DEAR FRIEND I QUIT HERE BECAUSE YOU CANNOT USE ME TO GET
MONEY FROM CARL AND DONT GIVE ME MY SHARE IF YOU SEND MY SHARE TODAY I
WILL CONSIDER YOU TO PROCEED.

BYE MY FRIEND

KUTO JOHN

(Looks like he’s getting worried and trying to figure out how to regain his footing, or at least get paid. Interesting how getting cash right away trumps the idea of a huge payday later.)

…..

Listen you stupid Nigerian, you're not making the rules here. Carl hasn't seen your email and never will. As I continue to tell you, I am in control of this situation and I make the rules.

You said "YOU CANNOT USE ME TO GET
MONEY FROM CARL". What the hell are you talking about? You were trying to screw him out of a few measly dollars and I'm giving you the chance to get rich. Why would you not do that? What kind of criminal are you?

We are a couple of steps from a big payday here and YOU are fucking it up. You're ready to walk away for a couple thousand dollars when there is a HUGE pile of money coming to you if you cooperate. Why don't you just shoot yourself? That would make more sense than what you're doing.

You've got one more chance. DO AS I HAVE INSTRUCTED.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

SEND ME MY SHARE OF THE MONEY THEN I WILL PROCEED OTHERWISE NO DEAL
AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN TELL ME

KUTO JOHN

…..

So you're ready to throw it all away? You are a weak-minded fool, then.

What do you gain by this? Nothing. What are you risking? Nothing. What is your POTENTIAL? Everything.

Don't be a fucking idiot, mugu.

(Yeah, I threw the “mugu” in just to confuse things. If he thinks I know his game intimately, maybe I can stretch this even more.)

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

NOW I KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE

DONT EVER EMAIL ME AGAIN OKAY

KUTO JOHN

…..

What do you mean by that? I haven't made my identity a secret to you. If I know about your business, mugu, that doesn't change who I am.

And I'm still waiting for you to explain to me why you're passing up the best payday of your whole fucking life.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE THIS DEAL SEND ME $500 TODAY VIA WESTERN
UNION IT IS ONLY THEN I CAN TRUST YOU OKAY ASIDES THAT NOTHING I CAN
DO

KUTO JOHN

…..

Small boi, why are you begging in the streets for scraps? There is BIG FUCKING MONEY here and you're passing it up for $500?

Don't be a fool, little thief. I'm offering you a fortune and you have no leverage in the game.

Quit fucking around and DO AS I INSTRUCTED.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

FUCK OFF MUGU

ODE

WE MA ANYTHING

…..

(This where the demand for the $50,000 went to Carl using the fake mailer software. Time for a little gloating.)

Pretty slick, don't you think?

Fool. You lose. Wait until my final move tomorrow. Pain for you, joy for me.

You had your chance.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

I CAN SEE YOUR MOVES AND HOW YOU TOLD CARL TO SEND ALOT OF MONEY.

LET ME TELL YOU THAT WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU. I MUST TELL YOU THAT YOU
ARE A THIEF AND A DISHONEST PERSON

GOOD WORK

KUTO JOHN

…..

I'm a thief? That's funny coming from you, small boi. You are a thief, but one that fears real success.

What I am is a genius. You, on the other hand, are pretty fucking stupid. Carl isn't getting your messages, yet you keep sending them.

Like I said, wait for tomorrow. Watch the hammer fall.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

I'm curious...why do you think this won't work? I expect Carl to come stomping into my office before too long and he WILL write me a check before he leaves.

And you saw my move because I let you. Like I said, I'm in charge here.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

NOW YOU GOT THE CHECK YOU HAVE TO SEND ME MY PART AS A MATTER OF FACT
THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

HOW MUCH ARE YOU SEND ME LET ME KNOW BEFORE I KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO GET IT.

CARL WILL PAY MORE MONEY IN THIS BUT JUST BE HONEST

GET BACK TO ME NOW

KUTO JOHN

…..

That's quite a change of heart, from "fuck off" to "send me my part"? Exactly why would I do that, since you already wrote the whole thing off?

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

LET COMPLETE WHAT WE HAVE IN HERE SEND ME $2600 AND I WILL LEAVE THE
REST FOR YOU AND WE SHALL PROCEED.

KUTO JOHN

…..

Please tell me why I should give you a fucking dime. All you've done is whine and squirm and complain. You have been AFRAID of the money out there and now you want to get paid?

Why should I?

Martin Mcs0rley Esq

…..

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE STARTED THIS TOGETHER SO YOU HAVE TO SEND
ME $2600 SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED AND WE SHALL GET MORE MONEY OUT OF
CARL

GET BACK TO ME SO THAT I CAN SEND YOU THE DETAILS TO SEND ME THE PAYMENT

KUTO JOHN

…..

I have a MUCH better idea. You'll enjoy my next move.

Keep begging, maybe I'll toss you a bone.

You still haven't told me why I should send the money to you. I'm doing all the work here while you sit in scummy cafe. Why don't you get a real job?

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

(Yet another fake mail to Carl that appears to be from John, letting him know that his money went to a scammer.)

Hello Carl1ing Christian

YOUR ATTORNEY HAS FORWARDED ME THE FUNDS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THAT

HAVE A GOOD LIFE

GOOD BYE

KUTO JOHN

…..

This is perfect, and my plan is pure genius. After the email that I faked from you (very clever of me don't you think), Carl came storming over to my office wondering what the fuck had happened and where his money went. I told him that we had both been scammed and that I had actually sent money to YOU when you had needed more for the "transfer" and that we were both "victims" of yours.

Carl put me on retainer to go to the ends of the earth to find you and ensure that he gets his money back and you end up in the hospital. $200,000 to start with, so I can pay for things like private investigators and whatever other bullshit I can invent.

You, my criminal friend, are going to make me rich.

Martin Mcs0rley Esq.

…..

(And a parting shot from Carl, just to see if there’s a reaction that can be leveraged for more silliness.)

You scumbag, you better be sure your insurance is up to date. I don't care WHAT IT COSTS, I'm going to find you and get my money back and make sure you need a doctor to put you back together.

NOBODY steals from me, you little shit. You'll see.

Carl

---------------------------------------------

(Sadly, he went away with his tail between his legs, never knowing that whole thing was just a performance with him as the unknowing star. Two bank accounts dead and many, many hours wasted = good baiting fun!)

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

I love your evil attorney baits!

Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 11:19 pm

Why thank you. I keep thinking that the gag is going to get kind of stale, but the lads take it to such strange places that it's like watching a movie with multiple endings. Cracks me up every time.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 15 Jun 2013 Posts: 1

This is seriously the funniest thing I've read in a long time, I was totally sucked in to this saga. I think this would make for a fantastic animation; with your permission I'd love to do it.

Just send $250 USD via Western Union made out to Mr. Mbabane ...

Not quite a Newb Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 40

Love the evil attorney!

You should get him to get future lads to prove their loyalty by sending you photo's of stuff? Like a picture of them with a sign saying "I am the law!" etc.

Great baits and thanks for the laugh.

Posted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:59 pm

I have to agree with the evil lawyer's self assessment. He IS a genius!

clapping

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I bet the GREEDY BASTARD has no remorse for all of the lad pain he has caused either. He is a monster and I like the bastard!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Jul 2013 Posts: 18

Quote:

UPS Cost of delivery
Mailing: US$5.00
VAT US$5.00
Insurance: US$150.00
Total:$US185.00.

Lad not too good with math.. 5+5+150=160

Quote:

diplomatic parcel delivery.

How did they ever come up with something like this, that a diplomat would deliver parcels?

Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:18 pm

^
He's the one with all the frequent flyer miles.

Duh.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Jul 2013 Posts: 18

Quote:

UPS Cost of delivery
Mailing: US$5.00
VAT US$5.00
Insurance: US$150.00
Total:$US185.00.

Lad not too good with math.. 5+5+150=160

Quote:

diplomatic parcel delivery.

How did they ever come up with something like this, that a diplomat would deliver parcels?

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