Not to insult any Christians on here - well maybe a little

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Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:45 pm

Not to insult any Christians on here but Brother Mark Duke has some question for us.
I've come up with some appropriate answers.

Quote:

Dearly Beloved,

This is a personal email directed to you and I request that it should be treated as such. God is a spirit, and they that worship him must worship him in truth and in spirit. Based on this scripture, it became obvious that I should do the right thing if I must enter into the kingdom of God .
I am Bro. Mark Duke, the legal adviser to late Mrs. Carol Smith, a God fearing and dedicated woman, whom I am so proud to have served, before her death, Mrs Smith informed me of her desire to give out her wealth to the propagation of Gods work, because she had no heir, she wanted to dedicate her wealth to humanity. however before all these could be finalized, she passed away.
According to her desire, her assets should be given out to a ministry for the work of God. As her legal adviser, all the documents for the fund deposited with the Vault Company are in my care. As a born again Christian, I have been reading my bible and I have to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God by giving out the fund for the purpose of God's work as instructed by the owner before her death.
After my fasting and prayers, I asked God to make his choice and direct me to an honest Christian or the chosen ministry that deserves this fund by his Grace. I then came across your address on the Internet and decided to contact you.
However, before I proceed further, I will like you to answer the following question(s).
1. According to John chapter one, Jesus Christ is what?
2. How does a person become a born again Christian?
3. Do you believe in the rapture of the church?
4. If you do believe in the rapture, then when will it come in
relation to the tribulation?
5. At what point during the tribulation does the Battle of Armageddon explode?
6. If I would ask you for one Scripture above all others in the New Testament that should identify you as being a brother in Christ, what would it be?
These questions should not offend you as all spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ that have spent time in God's word do understand it.
May God bless you as you make up your mind to work for God.
Yours in service
Bro. Mark Duke

Answers:
1. A rather annoying fellow.
2. Kill your self and through Buddhist reincarnation you are born a christian.
3. No I think they should stick to singing hymns and carols, I don't like rap.
4. Erm, either the end or the beginning, or sometimes in the middle.
5. Is Battle of Armageddon a rock band, perhaps they should use less gunpowder in their fireworks show.
6. How about
“I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” that says it all really.

Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 4:09 pm

I suggest that you take ownership of the bait and answer only one question at a time using Google to assist your research. Don't worry about the content, just make sure that your response requires his thought and further input.

I would then start asking one question at a time.
Ask your lad what his opinion is on multiple baptisms? What if the first baptism was at the age of 1 year? What if a gift of $5,000.00 USD was given as a baptismal gift by a generous church Elder? What if photographic evidence would be required?

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:29 pm

And...If i were to ask you to dig your own grave, stand in it, and have goat"s milk poured over your head in order to receive a blessing of 20,000 USD, would you do it? Laughing

You forgot that one, Connie. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:29 am

Connie L. Gus wrote:

I suggest that you take ownership of the bait and answer only one question at a time

.. I'll see what I can do Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:59 am

Quote:

Hello, I am away until 11/09/2013 and am unable to read your message.

.. I do hope that is a long prison sentence.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 05 Mar 2010 Posts: 26

wowwow wrote:

1. According to John chapter one, Jesus Christ is what?
2. How does a person become a born again Christian?
3. Do you believe in the rapture of the church?
4. If you do believe in the rapture, then when will it come in
relation to the tribulation?
5. At what point during the tribulation does the Battle of Armageddon explode?
6. If I would ask you for one Scripture above all others in the New Testament that should identify you as being a brother in Christ, what would it be?

May I offer mine?

1: A badass cyborg.
2: By growing a clone, implanting one's synchord into the clone, and changing the name on the birth certificate to "Christian".
3: Yes. The Raptor of the church is better than the T-Rex of the world.
4: Usually around the time they can clone a raptor from the DNA samples trapped in amber.
5: Just after the giant meteor impacts with the ocean floor as evidenced in the Epistle of St. Michael of Bay.
6: "Jesus Wept". John 11:35

Posted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 1:39 pm

^^ lol

Brother Duke is preaching again

Quote:

Dearest In Christ,

Calvary Greetings to you and the saints over there.Thanks for your
response, I sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive
information via e-mail instead of a certified mail, phone call or a
face-to-face conversation. I am guided by Gods principle in the steps
I take. According to Romans 8:28-30; "And we know that all things work
together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called
according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did
predestination, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also
justified: and whom he justified,them he also glorified" I am
convinced that working together we would achieve this noble project.

I met Mrs Smith in 2005, a year after the demise of her husband, she
was a very good woman and was dedicated to the service of the Lord. I
met her through her assistant who was a friend, we first met during
her monthly Christian feast. We developed a working relationship
overtime and I advised her on legal matters, it was during this time,
she informed about her desire to have a certain amount of money put
aside for the propagation of Gods works, this was in early 2008. I set
up the Carol Smith Charity Trust in Sept. 2008. It is through this
trust the fund will be sent to you as the Trustee for the Trust in
your country. The fund with a total valuation of 4.8 Million Pounds is
deposited at a finance house in London, it was deposited under the
Carol Smith Charity Trust, it was the intention of Mrs. Smith to have
this fund sent aside for charitable causes, however this could not be
realized before her death. Most of her wealth was what was passed to
her at the death of her husband, he was into Investment Banking.
I am really proud to have worked with her, she was a good woman. She
had such a big heart.

It is good that you have given yourself unto service in the vineyard
of the Lord. According to 11 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to make
all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in
everything; you may have an abundance for every good deed" I chose you
for this transaction because I believe with God's guidance, good
friends can be discovered and the fund can be used for a noble and
just purpose in line with the wishes of Late. Mrs Smith. The whole
process will abide within the tenets of local and international laws.

I would require the following in other to commence the process of
filing for clams;

1) Your Full Name and residential Address

2) Your Telephone and Cell Numbers

3) Your Age and Occupation

Upon the receipt of these, I will go to UK Charity Commission and have
you regularized as Trustee to the Carol Smith Charity Trust in your
country, I will then go to Probate Division of High Court of Justice
to swear an Affidavit of Claims. This Affidavit is a legal document
that will make you the sole Beneficiary of the money. I will send
copies of these documents immediately they are procured.

This Affidavit together with the Letter of Introduction will authorize
the finance house to recognize you as the Legal Beneficiary to the
deceased. I am putting so much into your hands and I trust that you
will not betray this trust I reposed on you. "Trust in the Lord with
all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your
ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I will be looking forward to your response as an acknowledgment for
the receipt of this mail. My direct line is +44-7011129228 You can
call on me at any time if you need any further clarification.

Trusting God step by step

Bro.Mark Duke

Posted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 4:17 pm

Respond with biblical quotes...

1. Judas hanged himself (Matthew 27:5).
2. “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10:37).
3. “That thou doest, do quickly” (John 13:27).

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Or go WWE code

Austin 3:16

Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 7:33 am

Ask him to explain what Esau meant when he asked Jacob this from Genesis 25:30?

Quote:

"Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I'm exhausted."

Rhubarb?

Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 6:19 pm

1. According to John chapter one, Jesus Christ is what? I think he's the dog next door because my neighbor keeps yelling that at him when he's in trouble.
2. How does a person become a born again Christian? Very carefully.
3. Do you believe in the rapture of the church? No, but I'm certain the angels have the phone box.
4. If you do believe in the rapture, then when will it come in
relation to the tribulation? I always thought it was "trials and tribulations," not "rapture and tribulation." Huh. I learned something new.
5. At what point during the tribulation does the Battle of Armageddon explode? When someone pushes the big, red button.
6. If I would ask you for one Scripture above all others in the New Testament that should identify you as being a brother in Christ, what would it be? Mary Jane 4:20.

Baiting Guru Joined: 21 Nov 2010 Posts: 2200

My name is Jesus Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZNUlsD9GYc

Posted: Wed Jun 26, 2013 9:22 am

That's enough religion for now. We don't do it as it always leads to a bunfight.

I won't lock the thread though, as its an ongoing bait.

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