My Smacy

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Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:29 am

Yeah the name isn't a typo,on my part. This Lad showed up this afternoon with a tale of blah blah...found you on a dating site....blah blah...want a new man in my life ...blah blah. It took thirty or so messages before this came:

Quote:

Good to know you love to swim too Mals, My mother was into the business of Gold silver and and babies wear which i was also getting along with her in buy the goods in Dubia and some western Africa mostly since she died i have not been able to come up with the expected funds to get along with the business which i feel sad about it because i know what the gains in it after selling . I got a message from one of my late's mother customer which she said if i have half for the money she can give me the total amount of goods worth $170,000 dollars for a start but i will have to pay her some of the money before she could ship them to me
I will love to have that if i can get it done
This will make me more happier than ever

Mals decided this was a bit sudden in the relationship to discuss business so he tried to change the subject. Well that didn't work out all that well:

Quote:

Yes it is and i really love it because their are lots of gain in the business... what do you think about it ? do you wish be any assistant for me doing it .. i can pump it up my paying just $16,000 dollars and have some goods from her in just 6 days shipping after paying,, i shall be earning about 22,000 dollars after 15 days of selling it
I wish to have a business like that

Mals does another dodge and gets this bunch O Crap:

Quote:

Mals yes we are no more kids and i guess you can call me names to make me happy as i have always wanted to be the happiest woman on heart to always put the smile on my man face just to see him happy and always be right in HIS taught
As for your question again i have been through allot and now i have a man like you in my life i guess i am happy but the first day am going to meet you will be the most expensive day of my life which i cant wait to accomplish that
Am on the run to have you as the man God has sent to my life ... To make you happy shall not be my problem for all i know.
Kisses

Since she wishes to be the 'happiest woman on heart' who am I to deny her?

Best send her something really sweet:

Quote:

My Smacy,

Such beautiful words from a beautiful girl. How can I respond to such? I am at such a loss of words yet must somehow try my best!

Please tell me more! I wait with Baited Breath!

Mals

Undaunted My Smacy hints some more:

Quote:

Mals am short of words too i just wish am close to you to show all the feelings i have been keeping in me for years of being single.
Actions speaks than words for all i know..
What do you think about the business i told you?
I want you to be happy you have me because at the moment heaven is rejoicing and happy for me having a man like you in my life

Aw Great now Heaven is involved! I thought that this was a simple fling but nooooo!!!!
Best try to keep my Gal happy:

Quote:

My Smacy,

Truer words have never been spoken. Wow is all that I can say!
The Business sounds intriguing but aren't we moving a little bit too quick here?

By the way, Smacy is attempting to relieve me of my hard earned cash at 2:13am Lagos time. Hmmm I must be a special Fellah. Well let me see what she has to say:

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Yes i believe when it's time to get something done it will surely be done if it the God ways of doing it,, Truly it's been long i had this feeling but at the moment i cant just tell how much happy i am.. I am free like a bird and i feel i can tell you anything which i don't know if you feel the same
I want you to have the trust and full hands in me .. Please don't disappoint me
My heart is beating like never before.. i will love you to do all you can in your power for me to stand on my feet again
How much do want me ???

Oh Boy! How much do I want My Smacy? Heh that may have to wait until I ponder my last meal! Tonight I'm having some Meatloaf made out of fresh Moose so My Smacy may have to wait....

Or not:

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You have your melt my mind and i wish for no one apart from you.. Now i feel so excited, what do you think we should do next ?

Call it a night? Have wild sex? I dunno My Smacy you are the Machine here. Even I am getting tired....

Quote:

My Smacy,

You are really making me see the world in a whole different light! I am open to suggestions Darling.

More to come probably but I am getting hungry....

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:14 am

Damn Meatloaf isn't ready yet. Oh well:

Quote:

I asked the that because i am open too and i am free to relocate to you if you ever have that same in mind.
All we need is plan

A plan? What about your job My Smacy? Giving up a good paying position at Walmart is not a bright idea in my books:

Quote:

This is rather intriguing Darling although don't you think we are moving a wee bit fast? I am quite obviously smitten by your charm and good looks but shouldn't this wait?

Nevertheless please tell me of your plans My Smacy! I am sure that we can come up with something agreeable.

On another note, what about your job? You aren't really willing to leave it at a moments notice are you?

On a parallel note, this is the second Lad that I have been able to keep occupied for hours upon end ( or is it they have kept me occupied for hours on end? I get paid by the hour so we will side with Oscar Okay?). Unless these Folks are very good at multi-tasking then at least I do believe I'm doing some good.

Either way this is simply getting stranger. Walmart has been trumped by something much less interesting ( just kidding all but the Lad has forgotten already):

Quote:

I have just told you when it right to get it done we have no much time to wait as we are on the right spot to make it happen
About my job it not a problem i am just working in a small nursing home and not earning much so i have the free hands of leaving all i need to do is write a note and they shall have my reasons of leaving
Moreover you and i and the nursing home know i can get married to my job when i need a man like you in my life Lol
I feel ready as ever to be with you now and forever

Just Fricking Lovely! if any of you have been stalked before then this is pretty much how it starts. Yeah I have been a victim on a couple of occasions and the attention, though nice, kinda gets tiresome when the Crazies come to Roost. S@san, Er@n you hearing this? I am Married okay!!!! Shoot where was I? Oh yeah now I remember....

Quote:

Are you still there?

I'm having trouble keeping up with My Smacy at the moment. Obviously she has something really important to tell me and I am elsewhere ( this is real time by the way). Best give it the old Piles touch:

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I'm here Darling. I'm just pondering our future! This is a big step!

My Smancy has an answer for everything:

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Yes it is and i have the passion for you already

Enough for today. Happy November 1st everyone. I'll have you know that for thirteen straight years I have not had a Trick or Treater! Yep more Candy for me! Hope it doesn't have anything to do with my personality!

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 4:58 pm

How sweet! My Darling got back to me at the crack of noon. I guess she was up a little late last night:

Quote:

do not know how to express the conflicting emotions that have surged like a storm through my heart all night long. I only know that first and foremost in all my thoughts has been the glorious confirmation you gave me last night - without effort, unconsciously, of course - of all I have ever thought of your mind and heart.

You have the greatest soul, the noblest nature, the sweetest, most loving heart I have ever known, and my love and admiration for you have increased so much since we’ve known each other that it still amazes me.

my pride and joy and gratitude that you should love me with such a perfect love are beyond all expression.

I cant think too much unless i will have to blow my head off just for you

Love Always

It must be love!!!!

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I'm jealous! I got a semi reading that line!

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 7:11 pm

^Its gunna get much worse. Grab the kleenex!

This stuff is rather strange, sick, twisted and downright unsettling. I commend any one can actually do this. You know who I'm talking about (Hint ^Think of a Skull with Bunny Ears^ and Okay enough hints....).

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From day one, I knew there was something in you that no other guy had. You are the most AMAZING guy I have ever known. Thinking back to the strange way we met, how we growing so close in just a few short days, and how you were the first one to show me the meaning of true love, it makes me smile and fall all over for you again.
All i need to tell you is i have given you the heart right now please keep it cool and safe for me

A few short days? It hasn't even been an entire day! Well I guess time flies when you are having fun:

Quote:

Such sweet sentiment My Smacy! You really do have a way with words don' t you? I feel he same way too!

Sorry couldn't think of much else to say there. Okay so it looks My Smacy is hooked but she doesn't want to 'blow' this opportunity. Warning a little NSFW content follows. Not from me mind you but from that Nasty little Wench Smacy:

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Here is a crazy word i will love to ask you .. do you mind me sucking your dick?

I suppose she does want to 'blow' this opportunity after all! The old Piles charm gets em every time:

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My Smacy that is very forward of you isn't it? Not that i would object by any means!!!

One simple little act needs some sort of compensation I suppose:

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love every little thing about you I love your cute smile, your magical eyes in the picture i will love to see more of them from you Mals
I can't stop thinking about you when we are apart. I need you by my side. You complete me. You mean the world to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the one I've always wished for. I never thought that I would ever meet someone as special as you. I love each and every moment I share with you.
Are you willing for us to meet soon because i want that and i will like to know if you can afford to get things done for me as you know i am only managing here without no funds .. Consider me and my son i will work things out as soon as i get there

My Uncle Steve used to tell this joke every time we met:

"My Wife married me because I told her I had Piles. She thought I was talking about money."

Yeah I tired of it after about twenty years myself...He did live a very long life and we were together quite a bit. Okay enough about those Kooky Ukrainians lets see what Smacy has to say:

Quote:

As a man your wish is my command i am just trying to move away from here because i have been given letter or eviction because i haven't paid up the bills here which i have just 4 days left since 2 weeks
I don't want to dig my problems on your head but for the love i have and the honesty i cant keep anything for you at the very moment.. Now you should understand

Now she is getting evicted? Damn! I'll have to do something about this! If I can stomach the next Salvo I'll be back but you just never know. My Barf Bag Floweth over!

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Bait 'Er Up and Get 'Er Don Hon! She loves you fo' realz!

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:43 pm

Not a heckuva lot to report today as My Smacy appears to be busy with other suitors. To think I once believed that I was her one and only. Maybe I can win her back with some kind words (such as Money, Cash, Moolah etc.)

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i will also have to see the house lawyer as i told you i have just more 3 days to live here.. i don't know what to do now, they are demanding for the bills i have used

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i have been thinking on how to pay up the bills and get off away from this house
I need a new environment but i have no option because i have no funds
I will be online later babe

Hmmm. She wants to move in? That sounds like it won't cost me a cent! This works for me.

Quote:

Mals i have you and only you in my life and i want to love you , i want you to know i will love to move there with you as you can see i have just feel days here.. Consider you have me as your woman because i am really falling for you, the best way i could show my feelings to you is when am there.. Lets work on that now so i can move there with my son if are ready.
If you have the funds to do this i want you to know it's the high and best time for this
Love you

Guess I was wrong. This is going to cost me and I get to inherit her Bastard Son too. Still not a bad deal in my books. Not only is she a smooth talker but a real looker too. I am pretty much speechless (Actually too lazy to type):

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You are more endearing each minute. Such beautiful words that I really don't know what to say.

Smacy definitely knows what to say though. She is such a Master of rhetoric:

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Mals should we plan on my coming down to you? i know this will cost some funds but am sure you are ready for it?
Am not happy out here , I don't want my son to see me act sad around the house. I have told him about you and also show him your picture
Can you make me happy and bring me out of the mess?

Quote:

sex is not a problem for me when am with someone i love. Like i told you action speaks more than words so why cant we accomplish this and make it happy if you really love me as you said sweetheart?

Yes but...but...Well okay then maybe Smacy. Wait a minute here! I said I loved you? Honestly I don't remember saying that. Mind you I am about to develop a Drinking problem so anything is possible.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I could swear one of mine did this earlier, sans chitlin, but pissed that I won't call him. Not an hour later, someone begins hotfooting through 3 of my pets and rumbling them. I got 3 notices in 15 minutes.

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:05 pm

^I was looking at your post about that. Dang strange at that.

This Lad is rather odd although aren't they all. There has been no mention of phone calls or anything personal whatsoever ( By personal I mean such questions as: Where do you live? etc.).

We have an evening of 'Chat Sex' planned for this evening so I'll have to wait and see what happens. My Smacy is a few minutes late so you just never know. Perhaps true love will never come my way. Tis a shame really as my 'Home Town' could really do with a population explosion.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

My idiots idea of chat sex is "fuck you". The little peckersnot! I need to ask if her idea of hallway sex is walking by and flipping me off. I just don't see this working if he puts on more than he puts out.

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 2:40 am

^Can't say I got that loving feeling tonight from Smacy.

Quote:

Good to read from you now babe.. what is going on .. do you have anything to tell me ? am lonely right now just sitting here

Hmm Lonely Huh? Me can help:

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Good. I'm lonely too. I am fresh from a bath in front of the fire having a glass of wine. What are you wearing?

Figured that would turn my evening into a real 'Sexy Time' but then again:

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Mals am doing all i could just to make you happy but i want you to know i cant write how i feel because i am not used to it on writing it than doing it ,,, I am wearing a white shirt and short skirt sitting in the chair
Why dont you just let us meet and make it all done and fresh right ,coming down to you it will not cost up to $2000 dollars for all i know just me and my son
That is if you really care about me and not just sex alone

Don't get me wrong people but $2,000? I once balked when a pair of Icelandic Hookers wanted a $100 each. Actually I didn't think it was all that bad but they wanted to make it a foursome since my Wife was back at the hotel ( True story). Although I was intrigued, I never passed the proposal onto the Wee Beastie. She had my Bank Card anyways...

Damn I am sorry for digressing! Sometimes I get like this so I will do what a good Canadian does best: Apologize! Still Beth and Inga were...aw Crap I'm doing it again...sorry.

Quote:

Mals i want you so much and i love you okay, i need you close and not just an imagination of what you should be doing to me when am not seeing you.. it has been long i had sex and i guess you should know how i feel right now when i feel like having it and i could only imagine that will kill me so much inside ... But as you are my man i will do just anything to make you happy
Okay i just pulled my shirt now i hope you are naked too babe?

Quote:

Honey i want you to know money is not love and i am not after you money sir all i wanted is love and i cant just wait.. Today i have been giving few day to pack away out of the house and make the payment of 1600 i owe , i am not so happy because i don't have it what am i supposed to do Mals
I love you and i don't want to loose you for anything okay
You are my man and you deserve the Sir

Have you noticed 'Old Smoothy' ( that would be the bracket loving Oscar) has just saved himself a cool $400? Just thought I'd point that out because I have a feeling that this will get a wee bit pricier before the day is done.

Then I get this Gem:

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I am ok with the way we are and good to go,,, I ned ykk

My Smacy I ned ykk too! What a coincidence? We must have been meant for each other!!!! Smacy? Can you inspire me with some more of your awesome speak?

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I love you sir and i have to be open to you will you be able to help me with the 1600 tomorrow so i can pay the bills honey.
This is the first every

Aw Darling it's the first every for me too! Gosh I just can't believe how much we think alike!

Smacy pour your Heart for me Okay?

Quote:

Yes am here honey but am feeling sleepy good to have you in my life honey can you let me get some rest now i will email you late
Love you so much

Am feeling Sleepy Good Too Smacy! I hope tomorrow we can figure out the finances. It is the Weekend and all but I am sure something good will come out of it!

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:35 pm

This Lad sleeps less than I do. Mind you I have a feeling that Smacy didn't put a whole lot of effort into this sentiment:

Quote:

You making my heart beat faster each time i read your message on here. You are the one I want to hold for the rest of my life. In your arms is where I belong,
You melt me every time you tell me about the future that you want to spend with me and how we could show the world the real meaning of being in love with the right person
I wish the people around me saw you and accepted us being together, because I don't think I could live a day knowing that you are not in my life. I know that anyone that tried to replace you would only be compared to you in my mind, and I know they could never live up to you in my eyes. Every time at the one and only picture you sent to me, I know that is where I want to live and die,
I don't want you to let go because that is the only place I feel safest

Insert Retching noises here. Wait a minute no mention of money? How odd. Mind you there could be something in there but I just can't bring myself to read it. Well I suppose I should reply with my own bit of love and affection:

Quote:

Ditto

Yep that oughta do it. Kinda like writing ' I had Fun' when asked by the teacher what you did on Summer Vacation. Okay maybe that was a bit lazy of me so we will call it we call it succinct instead.

Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 8:39 pm

The Lad seems to work weekends but doesn't put the hours in like it's a matter of life or death. Smacy hits the keyboard a few times a day just to check up on me:

Quote:

Hello honey i was not able to make it online my son is not feeling fine i had to take him to the clinic but he is doing fine now
How are you now?

I tell her some crap about relaxing by the fireplace in my Hef Pajamas so Smacy gets all excited like:

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Good to know that,,, Am here lonely right now

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Just wearing my bra and on with my towel

Right on! Sexy Time for Mals!! Perhaps not:

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Honey i need to ask you something and i need to know it i can get it from you okay

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Mals i need close to 700 dollars tomorrow to pay up things important out here to avoid sending us away from the house can i have it from you tomorrow morning Mals please help me out , i will be so grateful honey
Kisses love you

I will have to think about this for a while. Okay the while is up:

Quote:

My Smacy,

This is perfect Darling. You mean you can leave the house and come to me on Monday? What Great news. I'll start tidying up now.

Mals

Since I can't seem to get the Chat Sex that I so much deserve, perhaps My Smacy will give me something a whole lot better; an awesome rant. Time will tell.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

You're stomping all over his game bro! Now he will need to invent diseases and stuff to get your money.

Laughing

Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:14 am

^ Thanx for the support. As I said before, this stuff sorta sickens me. Yeah I like the attention of Womenfolk but I've always liked the traditional approach to true love; Picking them up In Bars.

Anyhow:

Quote:

Yes but i need $700 dollars from you tomorrow to pay out my used bills here then i will try to get the ticket

Shucks its all about the money. For once I thought I'd found true love too! Aw well this is better than what I've been getting so might as well carry on:

Quote:

Darling,

I have no problem giving you money since we are pretty much Husband and Wife now. If fact, it makes me feel very good that I can look after my Special Laddy!

It's just that this is rather sudden My Smacy. Being Sunday and you needing the money right away doesn't give me to much time does it?

Probably not going to get much sympathy here from My Laddy but you never know:

Quote:

Hi Honey,

I thought you had gone. Honestly Baby I will have to check to see if I have enough cash in my account before sending anything. Smacy why couldn't you give me more notice?

Once I have it figured out, I think I will need your Banking details.

Mals

Swine time? I think not!

Quote:

Honey as soon as you see how much you are going to send to me i will give you my info to send the money to me by western union i will get is faster as soon as possibleokay
Love you babe

I suppose I can sleep on that. The message above that is not Smacy. Though the Smacy in the pictures is rather fine looking if you are into that sort of thing. This all reminds me of a joke about endless love. Sadly I am not in the mood to tell it today.

Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 7:39 pm

My Smacy has been urging me at every turn to get her what she truly deserves. Mals is having problems trying to decifer the complexity of the the matter:

Quote:

Hi Darling,

I don't know much about this Western Union Bank at all. Do I need to be a member? I used to belong to a Credit Union though so maybe they will accept me.

Talk soon Baby,

She sent me a bunch of crap about going to Walmart or doing the transfer on line etc. As a special added bonus, she sent Mals her contact information. This confuses Mals all the more:

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Hi Babe,

Why do you want me to send money to that other person and not you?

A valid point in my estimation. Let's see how My Smacy answers this one:

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How do you mean other person honey? that is my information and you are sending the money to me
I have been waiting online for you

Heh? But, but?

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Baby,

You gave me this name Mary Alice Huart. I am so confused.
Can you tell me what you are wearing?

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Yes that is my name Mary Alice Huart honey I am dressed now am wearing a shirt and jeans trouser

Mals the time is 10:27am now i should be on my way to pay the money as soon as i pick it up when you send it now because i need to pay in time sweetie

Message me back am dressed and been waiting for you

Okay so your name isn't Smacy? Gotcha. No I don't! Hold on a bit. Please explain this to me whoevertheheckyouare:

Quote:

Smacy Rose is the name my Grandma gave me when i was born honey..My birth name given by parents is Mary Alice and my surname is Huart ..... This should know be a problem sweetheart
I need to know when you are sending out the money i have been online waiting for you to do that ,Am avoiding having my name at the court today

Message me now

Love you

So much better. Grandma was a complete Moron who probably drank too much and was suffering from the onset of some debilitating disease? That explains everything. Good thing she didn't call you something stupid like Guy La Douche or Stinky Von Clamtrap. Whew!

Mals decides to see if Bacon is in his future:

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Hi Smacy (should I still call you that?),

When I contacted my Bank, they told me that these places are not trustworthy. That is their words not mine.

Can you forward me your Banking information so that I can do a transfer that way? Its cheaper and much more secure Darling

Like a charm Smacy shows a certain willingness:

Quote:

Okay honey when are you going to transfer it and when do you want me to send the account details?
Tell me what you need me to send okay

Love you

I tell her for the fiftieth time that I need a Bank account!!!!!! Maybe Grandma should have called you Dumbass Who Just Doesn't Listen!

Finally My Smacy did listen and a piggy to the siggy resulted. Now I guess we sit back and wat while My Smacy stews:

Quote:

Hello honey did you get the info .. Message me back and let me know what it going on
Love you

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

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Okay honey when are you going to transfer it and when do you want me to send the account details?

I love when this tidbit comes. You get to throw a slap if you choose and you know they have it.

Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:41 pm

Smacy is getting a bit anxious since she if pretty sure Mals has sent her some cash:

Quote:

Mals guess you are sleeping now I will online waiting to read from you
Love you

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Good morning babe how was your night, hope you dream about me??
Did you make the transfer yesterday? You didn't get back to me about it last night
Love you

Around this point in the bait (or is it at all times?) I enjoy responding to their queries while giving them absolutely no useful information all the while asking them inane questions:

Quote:

Morning My Smacy,
You were on line but didn't get back to me. I wanted to tell you in person not while you were sleeping or busy with other affairs.
Anyway my Darling, I did go to the Bank yesterday so everything should be in order very soon. When do you plan on coming here to be with me?
Mals

This tactic doesn’t sit well with most Lads and Smacy is no exception:

Quote:

Honey I went to bed earlier last night because the wireless I use out here is very bad and slow most times
You said everything will be in order very soon . How do you mean sweetie did they make the transfer or still not yet

I will be planing to leave away from here as soon as I pay out bills I owe here. I have told you am not happy here at all. Let me know when I will be able to get the money. When will it be available for me to withdraw here ??
Love you

Sometimes useless information, sometimes no information whatsoever:

Quote:

Hi Smacy,
That is Great news. Hopefully you will be in my arms by this Weekend then? Wouldn't that be great? I am sure you will simply love it here Darling with all the trees and rocks and such. A veritable Paradise in my opinion.
By the way, what are you wearing?
Mals

For some reason Smacy forgets all about the money:

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Yes babe i cant wait to be with you , i really cant wait to kiss you for the first time Mals , Yes i will be love to see the trees out there and wonderful things there honey

For two whole minutes that is:

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Honey am wearing a blue gown right now just sitting beside the computer messaging you
I have just checked my account right now and i got no money in there
when am i supposed to get it , You didn't say anything about it honey

Best give her some hope:

Quote:

Hi Smacy,
I will have to check back with the Bank later today okay? I am pretty sure they said it would be a couple of days before the Transfer was completed but then again I can't really remember the specifics either.

This doesn't sit too well with the Lad:

Quote:

Honey you can call your bank or account manager so i can get to know when i will get the money
Remember i told you am avoiding to go to the court because of this rent
You should have known how many days it takes for the fact you went to the bank
please let me know okay

Quote:

Honey i will be going out now i have taken my bath and i need to message you before i got out. get to find out what is going on about the transfer i will message you later okay
love you sweetie i can just wait to be with you there soon my love

I might respond later but don't count on it.

Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 12:59 pm

Smacy has lost that loving feeling and gets down to business (that is if you consider Bellyaching business).

Quote:

Mals have been home since came back from the store have been worried ok how to keep things going here because need to show up at the court tomorrow morning for not making the house payment as have said today
I guess am in a real deep shit nowMals what is going on am not really happy right now
I like when someone is not been realistic like me it makes me go crazy and feel weak
Have you gotten any news about the funds you sent to me
Love you honey

Since My Smacy is getting so uptight I suppose I should calm her just a bit:

Quote:

My Smacy,

Please don't despair okay? I am here for you!

The Bank told me to check sometime in the morning so you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Does that help Honey?

Now try to calm down and tell me what you are wearing. I'm sitting around in my Unitard as I just came from a Community Event. One of the Women said something like " in those tights I can tell your Religion". Any idea what she meant? It has me confused Darling.

That oughta work. Smacy gets the money and her man dressed in tights all at once!

Quote:

Okay honey want you to know the transfer sometime take 2 days and maybe should be able to get the money tomorrow , that was why told you to use the western union it much easier for me to pick the money up after you send it
Am on my bed now not wearing anything. am not sure what the woment meant honey maybe you should ask her

At least Smacy reads my messages. Perhaps she doesn't understand them but hey that doesn't bother me a bit. Since everything is in order lets get our Groove on Baby:

Quote:

You are so Sexy. Tell me what you plan to do to me when we get together!!!!

Or not:

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Yes wish am there with you too honey but like the delay we are having , I guess there is no choice I will have to wait till tomorrow morning
I can't want to have sex with you if that is what you need to know
And please how much did you transfer to me

I've had better responses from...well never mind about that for now:

Quote:

Mals i want to be with you so much and i want you to know if there is not way of me getting the money in my account tomorrow morning you should go and send me the money via western union store so i can get things done because i need to show you how much care . that way you will see all got in me for you
I love you so much
Go online right now to you will see the wester union for sending money it's very easy to send me the money okay

Love you

I'm hoping My Smacy will blow a gasket sometime today but I have been wrong before....

Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:30 pm

The day of the Lad rant? Don't know yet...

Quote:

Mals sorry i have not message me please just try to understand i have been going through allot out here today because am yet to pay the money... i dont like been in shit like this
what are you doing now?

Best console my future Bride:

Quote:

Hi Smacy,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please try to remain calm. We will get see a happy ending, don't you worry Darling.

I am at home right now watching a Documentary on the Illegal Fur trade. Currently they are focusing on the Harvest of the rare and elusive Saskatchewan Seal. Honestly, I would never have thought that there was such a large market for Genuine Saskatchewan Seal Skin Bindings. It is rather disturbing I must say. The commentary is done by Mike Walden, have you heard of him? He is quite a snappy dresser.

Please get in touch My Smacy. I am here for you.

She read it. She really really read it:

Quote:

Mals am not sure i can abel able to talk about sport or documentary right now as i have somethings which is really hurting me inside
Are you telling me you cant afford to send me 1000 dollars and you say you love me ?
Am so surprised with with what is going on right now if you have the money with you right now tell me and i will tell you a way to send it to me here
with that way you will make me happy .. please dont let me be disappointed in you

Something must have happened. I know I sent it. Well I think I did:

Quote:

Are you saying that you never received the $1,000? It definitely should be in your account by now! Can you check again?

Quote:

Hello honey i will check my account right now online because it late i can only check online okay
I love you

So My Smacy doesn’t have internet access at home? Weird or what?

Quote:

Mals i have just checked my account now and i have no money from you sorry

Time for Mals to spring into action (Well after my nap anyways):

Quote:

My Smacy,
I can't believe this. First thing I will got go see what has happened. I'm sure this is a minor glitch.

Quote:

Okay Mals i will be online today because i cant just leave home right now as i don't have a dime with me, if you have any money with you right now i will like you to send it to me by western union then go to the bank later to confirm what is going on why i didn't get the money

I want you to know i have allot to offer you and be wife and i cant just stop the love i have for you and yes honey i will like to marry you and be your wife

I love you please do what is right for me

Quote:

Okay honey am waiting for you to go to the bank. you don't need to send the money via my account again just withdraw the money and tell me as soon as you have it with you i will tell you what to do. This is if you know you are not just kidding me on here as i have been honest with you, I have to stop my son from not going to school today because i don't feel good like my normal day this morning

I wonder what Smacy's 'normal' days are like? Is it kinda like Duvall's 'I love the smell of Napalm in the morning' bit? She wakes up to fresh WU transfers? Sorry to say it My Smacy but tomorrow isn't shaping up to be much better....

Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 4:04 pm

Smacy opened up a Gmail account yesterday so that she could Chat with Mals properly. Sadly, it really complicates my life as I also chat with other 'Lovers' so things can get complicated...plus I don't like having to think on my feet when I'm not getting paid by the hour.

Chatting with Lads although fun, just doesn't give me the opportunity to compose proper messages. I know many of you are masters at it but this is fairly new to me.

Quote:

7:25 AM Smacy: Hello love
7:26 AM Good morning
7:30 AM Are you there babe
me: Hi Baby
I'm tired. Got home late.
Smacy: Sorry honey
7:31 AM I just need you to give me the western union info so i can go pick the money
me: I need to restart my machine back in a couple minutes
Smacy: Okay honey
7:33 AM You back
________________________________________ 6 minutes
7:39 AM Smacy: Hello honey
7:40 AM me: Hi Honey. Have a Virus
7:41 AM Smacy:Sorry we can still chat like that
7:42 AM me: I'll try Honey.
Smacy: Okay
did you send me the monye by western union yesterday?
me: What are you wearing
7:43 AM Smacy: tell me
7:44 AM me: No. I drove all the way to Kapuskasing and the store is closed. I'll have to head to Timmins today.
7:45 AM Smacy: what tie did you get there?
me: Late. The store is closed for renovations though or I would have spent the night.
7:46 AM I have a photo shoot today too.
7:47 AM Smacy:Okay honey help me send it so i can pick it up as soon as possibe.. it will just take you 2 minutes to send that is all
Smacy: then you send e the info to go pick it up that is all
7:48 AM me: I'll get to Timmins today.
7:49 Smacy:Okay honey
A still resting on the bed now
me: What are you wearing?
Smacy:nothing
me: I like that!!
7:50 AM Wish I was there with you.
Smacy: And you?
yes i wish too
me: I'm in my Mr. T Boxer shorts
Smacy: ok
7:51 AM me: I'd love to see you now.
7:52 AM My photo shoot is regarding some protesters.
Smacy: you didnt send me the pictures i asked for
why?
me: Sorry Honey I was out late.
Smacy: ok
7:53 AM what time should i be expecting the info so i can be online
I am just waiting for you today so i can do things important
me: I have to photograph a bunch of protestors that have climbed on top of Peter Mansbridge.
7:54 AM Darling I am telling you something okay?
7:55 AM Smacy: Okay honey
me: These protestors are probably a bunch of Greasy Hippies.
7:56 AM I don't like Hippies! Do you Smacy?
7:57 AM Smacy: I dont too babe
me: Good. I'm glad we are on the same page.
7:58 AM You wouldn't climb on Peter Mansbridge would you?
Smacy:Good babe
no
7:59 AM me: I think I'll be out late again because of this.
Smacy: Why honey?
8:00 AM Honey there should be another western union around your hoe
home
me: I live way out in the Country you know that.
Smacy: Are you trying to tell me i wont be able to get the oney to what
8:01 AM Okay no problem my love i will have to wait
just help me send it today is more important and you know
if not i wont need it again
me: I nkow Baby.
8:02 AM Smacy: Alright
8:03 AM me: Back in a few.
8:05 AM Smacy: Oka honey

Smacy is much calmer than I would have hoped. I am fairly sure that will change before too long. I Pity the Fool!

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 2:58 am

So Me n Smacy have pretty much been on chat for a week. Smacy pushes for cash whilst Mals tries his best to avoid the subject. I'm not sure how many ultimatums she gave me but I finally decided it was time put a stop to all the snivelling.

Enter Candace Cox RN:

Quote:

I am sorry if I am intruding but I am looking for Family or Friends of Mals.

Mals was involved in an automobile accident earlier this evening and he had some papers with your name and address on them. All attempts to get in touch with any of his loved ones have failed.

Presently, Mals is in serious condition in our Intensive Care Unit at Timmins Hospital. Although he is resting comfortably, his injuries were substantial.

If you are a Family Member or Friend of Mals please get in touch with me immediately.

Thank you for your Understanding,

Candace Cox RN

I figured that would be the last I heard of My Smacy but no such luck:

Quote:

Thank you so much please can i have your contact number he is my fiancee
Thanks

I'm pretty sure Smacy meant to say "he is my financier" but I could be wrong. Nurse Candace gets back to Smacy with some further details:

Quote:

Good Morning,

Thank you so very much for the reply. Mals has regained consciousness this morning and appears to be doing rather well. Although he sustained multiple fractures and a concussion, it isn't nearly as serious as the Doctor originally diagnosed.

I am not in the habit of giving my private number to friends and family members of patients so I will refrain. I will allow you, however, to converse directly with Mals over the internet assuming you don't do anything to get him excited. He needs rest more than anything at this point so please keep the conversation light.

In a while, I will ensure that Mals has access to a laptop so that you can get in touch with him.

Once again, thank you for responding,

Candace Cox RN

Figuring Smacy would be all over this, I cancel all appointments for the day and wait. Yup I waited and waited. Nothing! Finally I toss a Jitterbug into the still waters just in case there is a something lurking in the weeds:

Quote:

My Smacy,

I guess I screwd up last night...I ddin't mean to Baby. Can you chat later?/.

ove you,

Mals

STRIKE!!! Smacy is hooked, getting close to the boat. Gotta net her but wait this ain't right? What the F*ck??

Quote:

Am not sure what you want from me ?? Can you tell me why you cant stop disappointing someone

Love is in the air people. Back off! She's Mine!!!!!

Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:38 am

It appears the Wedding is off:

Quote:

Am not sure what or who you are it seems you are just an ass hole.. bye

Dang! I wonder if My Smacy will return the ring....

Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 11:25 pm

Smacy has been very sympathetic since my 'Accident'. She really really has been people. This isn't just an ordinary love affair. We are getting married and there is nothing you can do about it.

Quote:

My Smacy,

I almost died but you call me that? I am not sure I understand you at all. How can someone who says she loves me be so cruel?

I was hoping for some really good Lad rants but got his bunch of lovin' instead:

Quote:

I love you but you always give me excuse when you need to make me happy,,, I was mad then
Get the info from the nurse and message me so i can go pick up the money now

Money? What money? Damn concussion!

Quote:

Mals i love you and i will never stop loving you,, Am mad because of the love i have for you , i cant just be here like this let me have what i asked from you
Call the nurse now to give you the western union info i am ready to go pick the money if you send it as you said

If you sent it like you said...? Smacy my Dearest of course I sent it.

Quote:

Honey ask them for your belonges they will give all to you, to be honest am not happy with your idea of doing things...
Are you playing my head or what please let me know

A real caring sort ain't she?

Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2012 3:50 am

Time for the old Piles Necro. Actually there isn't much to report after Mals was in that horrible accident on is way to Western Union. There might have been a moose involved but I could be wrong....

Anyhow Smacy has been attempting to get the transfer slip from Candace Cox RN but they have never really had the opportunity to get everything straightened out. Smacy finally decided to contact Mals and through a series of Sex and Travel escapades that were rather boring she finally came to an Epiphany:

Quote:

Yes am happy you said that .. we were to be married truly but you played me and lied to me by telling me you had an accident in other for you not to send me the 1000 i asked . i was so ashamed of you . i never knew you were like this
if you really love me and want me i still want you to know i need the 1000 dollars and tell me when you will send it to me
am not in for your games

Not a bad bargain I suppose. What could possibly go wrong?