My Sarah

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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:41 pm

Still nothing:

Quote:

Hi dear,
My sister's condition isn't improving much but I thank God as with nearest future as the Doctors said she would be fine.
Thanks,but there's a little problem here as the bankers here won't cash him the money unless he provides the exact name of sender od the money and the Reference number which is MTCN number by western Union or Referenc/control number by Moneygram money transfer agency please you really have to act fast on this and identify the control number and sender's name and money transfer agency which you sent the money with okay. I am waiting to hear from you positively soon.
Regards,
Sarah

Honestly I can't even remember what place I went to now. Shucks that's kinda awkward. Best sleep on it.

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:00 am

Sarah sent me another quick note last night:

Quote:

Hi dear,
Please check on the payment receipt issued to you by the bankers where you had made the payment okay.

Heckuva an idea Sarah thanx!

Quote:

Hi My Sarah,

Sorry but I just checked my messages at work and saw this. That slip must be back at home or at least I think it is. I'm Gunna hafta check later on today okay?

That is such great news from the Doctor. There is nothing like having such a fine person on your side is there? Any man who takes the Hippocritic Oath is a Man of God in my books. Don't you agree Darling? So if your Sweet Sister is going to be okay, does that mean that you are able to leave the Camp? I would if I were you! It makes perfect sense as then you would be able to take the money for yourself and not worry about that Reverend Mark. You should watch him My Sarah as you just never know what he is capable of. First he sufferers tantrums and next he has amnesia or something. What if he were to walk off with the Money that I sent for you and your Sweet Sister? It could happen you know! I read about a Bairn a while back in the Peeblesshire News who did just that. Peebles is such a quiet place too with that Manificent Hydro and all the sheep and such. Maybe once we get all of this settled, I will take you and your Sweet Sister to that Hydro on Christmas Day. They put on a wonderful tea that the Girly sorts like a lot! Personally I kinda like hanging out in the Pub with the big ass Fireplace and all those MicroBrews but that's just Guy stuff I suppose. Afterwards we could tramp on the Heather and get acquainted like if you you what I mean?

Have a Great day my Dearest and I'll be in touch when I can,

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2012 7:27 pm

I had best give Sarah a bit of hope here. I hopes she is receptive:

Quote:

Hi Sarah,

How are you and your Sister today? I had a pretty good day at work myself.

So what are you doing tonight anyways? I'm off to see The Trailer
Parks Boys Live in Concert. Have you seen them? They are really
funny and don't cost an arm and a leg to go see either. Plus they
usually have these great Rum and Coke specials to boot! Bubbles
singing 'Liquor and Whores' is real funny too. Do you know that
number? Its really really catchy I must say. Kinda like a good old
sing-a-long around the Camp Fire. Maybe one day I'll get my Cousin
Seymour to play it for you. Would you like that? I hope you will
Darling.

You aren't going to believe this but well when I got home I found the
receipt all crumpled up in the back pocket of my Jeans! I guess I had
it with me along. Sometimes I can be such a dunderhead I tell you!
Oh well tomorrow I'll scan it and send it to you okay? As I said its a
bit messy cause I was sweating a lot today but I think you'll have no
problem figuring it out. I just knew that this would make you happy.
Do you sometimes get really sweaty Sarah? I went to the doctor one
time cause I was having big problems but he told me to buy
Anti-Persimination or something like that. That reminds me of a joke
about this Newfie that you of all people should really enjoy:

A Newfie goes into a store, walks up to a Clerk and asks for some Deodarant.

The Clerk says: "The Ball type?"
The Newfie Responds: " No its for under me arms!"

Isn't that a a knee slapper Dearest? Maybe that will cheer up your
Sweet Sister too!

Have a fantastic evening My Sarah. I'll be thinking about you.

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:00 am

Obviously she didn't like my joke. Some people:

Quote:

Hi dear,
You had better act fast cause I don't understand this your behavour anymore,you take things unserious why? Why taking things for granted like that? You said that you had sent this money since Monday but till yet it hasn't been withdrawn and you are the cause and you knew it,because you can't send money to somebody without disclosing to the receipent the information,this I call carelessness and I don't fancy it at all. Can't you think? that this money that we are talking about here,at least when you found out that you were having the receipt right in your back pockect all you should have done while writing your last mail to me,is to detail down to me the key information on the receipt such as the sender's names and Reference or control numbers before waiting till today to have the receipt scanned. Think positively before doing things.

Regards,
SARAH.

I just hope I can get this straightened out before the weekend....

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:59 pm

I had best console Sarah here. I don't want her to get mad:

Quote:

Hi Sarah,

How was your evening? Is your Sweet Sister doing okay? I hope she
liked the joke! Hah. Mine was an absolute blast from what they tell
me. Those Rum and Cokes really did a number on me I tell ya. I bet
I spent close to two hundred dollars at the bar! My head is pounding
and I slept in so the Boss is quite miffed at me. It was all worth it
though.

My Darling I am very sorry for making all of this difficult for you
but as you know, I don't have any experience transferring money and
always look up to you for guidance. You are absolutely correct that I
was careless but I am being totally serious! Please remember I am
trying my best here.

Anyhow I'm late so I had best get going.

Talk soon,

That should smooth things out a bit! That old Boil charm works every time...wait, oh crap, the Transfer details? I knew there was something else....

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:49 pm

So we are getting into the later rounds and I'm starting to tire. Sarah has me on the ropes but out of nowhere a head fake and the sucker goes for it. A surprise upper cut and then a flurry to the solar plexus:

Quote:

Hi,
I think you are just kdding ain't you? What's meaning of alll these cock and bull stories of yours? Was that supposed to be the details and the scanning of receipt of money that you claimed to have sent to me?

Time to act all apologetic like and see what happens. If I send it in the next little while, a 'Nice' message from Sarah should be waiting for me at home.

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:06 pm

I hope this is acceptable (hee hee):

Quote:

Oh Christ Sarah,

I am so Sorry! I meant to attach the receipt and, quite obviously, forgot! Can you forgive me? Please try to understand my Dearest; I am really really hungover and just not thinking clearly at all. I tell you its the last time I'll drink that many Rum and Cokes (at least for a while anyways). Now you are mad at me, the Boss is mad at me; even some of the Guys from the Legion are mad at me! When will i ever learn?

Sarah please study this document; I'm sure it'll make you happy okay!!!

Receipt.pdf

Have a pleasant evening and we'll talk soon.

PS - Pass on my best wishes to that Sweet Sister of yours.

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:40 pm

I'm afraid to tell you this, but I suspect that this woman doesn't really love you. All that she wants is the money. Shocked

That is all that she talks about. You should respectfully remind her that it is her love for you that motivates you. How can you go on now that you are so sad, realizing that in spite of your efforts, all she does is complain?

Tell her she must prove her love for you, or you will simply not make any more effort only to be scolded by her. You should be terribly hurt, man. "Cock and bull story" Rolling Eyes

indeed! Well that is simply outrageous, isn't it?

Great bait. I'm looking forward to your next update.

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 12:30 am

^Honestly I'm not interested in Sarah at all! That Sweet Sister of hers on the other hand is a whole different story!

Dang I really don't know what to do here. Fifty plus messages and only a glimmer of a Lad Rant! What the Hell am I to do? I may have to go back to picking on Telemarketers or something. As Sarah would say 'Alright':

Quote:

Can somebody tell what the hell is the meaning of this your stupidity is all about? What's wrong with you even? Can't you just understand simple instruction? I said scan and attach the copy of payment receipt which you said that you made to me? What's the meaning of writing this shit to me(Receipt.pdf) ? Which you and I knew quite well that it'sn't an attachment what nonesense. please please and please never you ever write to me again about any fucking thing you are just son of bitch,a fucking bloody deceiver who lack common sense and understanding of humanity. Go to hell and never return to me.

I do believe that there is trouble in paradise. If My Sarah does respond to Friday's Edition it should be rather interesting. You must remember that the receipt was in the back pocket of my very sweaty jeans....

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:05 am

Let's see if I can reel Sarah back in a bit:

Quote:

Sarah,

What have I done wrong Darling?

I had the Guy at the Quichie Copy scan that for me! How was I to know you couldn't open PDFers? Honestly Dearest I had no idea! Can you forgive me? Tomorrow I'm going there and get my Six Bucks back I can assure you of that!

You use such harsh language on me Sarah but I know that it's because you really care about me so I can forgive your Cussing. I'm not used to that kinda stuff (cept maybe that one time when Me and Fred Jones got Old Man Withers arrested). He wasn't very nice I tell you! Kept calling us Meddling Kids or at least that was what I thought he said.

Anyways Darling, I so much wanna make it up to you and that Sweet Sister of yours. Somehow I feel partially responsible and need to ask you for direction.

Talk soon,

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:32 pm

Sarah why are you being like this?

Quote:

Oh now I fully understood that you having been a mare imposter claiming to be real right? And that's the reason you withdrew from communicating further with the bankers with some rubbish excuses and that's why you have been trying to take my mind off from the Reverend Father so that your dirty games would continue to be fruitful right? Now I am gonna write some people I can to start tracking such imbecile like you. your games are up so surrender and soon your witless self will be hung in the ugliest situation.

Quote:

No wonder,some friends of mine here told me that Canadians or Afrikanas are mainly known as stupidiest people on the Earth and you won't be in an exception but I waved it off now I acknowledged the advises and words of those voices spoken to me earlier all.

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 4:42 pm

Sarah is starting to get a bit pushy in my opinion:

Quote:

Now,I want you peruse the receipt of the payment at your disposal which you claimed to have made to me. After perusing it you will see sender's name since you no longer know the sender's name,check on it and the control numbers. and text me sms via this phone number immediately(00221 766 497 266) and stop acting childish. Even though a child wouldn't act and delay the way you acted and delayed. I thought you said that you realized that the receipt was in jeans pocket how come you,you had the Guy at the Quichie to copy scan? Why don't you just type the control numbers and the sender's name and send it to me rather talking and acting like a mare clown. Now I leave you with this simple instruction to carry and if you fail this time you will not be forgiven. And send to me your direct telephone number as soon as possible.
Regards,
Sarah.

I do believe I have been busted. First I was a mare imposter and now I'm a mare clown. That's what I get for horsing around...

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:24 pm

Sarah is just about to blow a Gasket but I'll try to talk her down from the ledge. This should do the trick:

Quote:

Sarah,

Now you are being rude and you are acting very childish yourself I must say. Perhaps I should deal with that Sweet Sister of yours as I would imagine she is much more level headed and not prone to such infantile behaviour! In all reality, you owe me an apology and a good one at that! Honestly, My Darling you are beginning to act just like those Scotsmen that you so despise.

As I told you, that Guy at the Quichie Copy made that PDFer for us. Perhaps you need to download that Abode program? You tell me Sarah, you ARE the expert aren't you? Oh by the way I did get my Six Bucks back so at least we aren't out of pocket for your inability to open a simple document. I might just take that money and treat myself to a dozen Tim Bits and an Extra Large Double Double. It is Friday and I think if anyone is deserving of a treat its me!

My Darling Sarah I have included my Cell Number for you (xx-xxx-xxxx) and attached the Sweaty receipt as a .jpg. Is this okay??? Perhaps your computer can open this one!

Try to calm down Dearest as we don't want you to get sick as well. Please pass on my best wishes to that Sweet Sister of yours.

Talk soon,

Yep Old Smoothie works his Magic with the Ladies (or is it Laddies?) yet again.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I tip my hat to you op but I think your Sarah is racist! She is probably related to PF somehow with that thing about Canada folk Laughing

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:38 pm

^I do believe the word is Racialist? Or perhaps not....

Quote:

YOU A CHEAP LAIR JUST GET LOST,BLOODY AND FOOLISH LIAR NOTHING WAS EVEN ATTACHED,NO PREVIEW IRRESPONSIBLE JOHN.

If I didn't like Oscarpiles as a username so much, my second choice would be IRRESPONSIBLE JOHN. Any chance I can get one more out of her? If nothing else I will try.

Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:19 am

Casting the line into not so still waters:

Quote:

Sarah,

I am beginning to think that you aren't a very nice person. I sent you the attachment for crying out loud! What is the problem this time? It wasn't a PDFer like last time it was a jpig. My Darling, even a Scotsman could figure this out. Maybe you should ask that Rev. Mark to show you how to use his computer? If he doesn't have the proper software installed that would be why! Is it possible that you are going Apeshit for no particular reason? C'mon Sarah we are so close to the culmination of this but you are being somewhat unappreciative. There are times, in fact, that I think you are somewhat impatient. Yes I know that isn't true but you definitely do need to calm down and take a deep breath before speaking in such a manner to Grownups.

Are you sure that I can't deal with that Sweet Sister of yours? Things would probably go a lot smoother if you know what I mean.

Anyhow Sarah try to relax and perhaps you should plan a visit with that fine Doctor so that he can prescribe you a Wee Dram.

More to come? Hope so!

Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:31 am

Sarah is back with some more awesomeness. I, however, don't quite understand:

Quote:

Hi dear,
Finally,I have received the money which you claimed to sent ewu nzuzu iberibe di ka gi John. Again I used to think you were kidding when you scanned file instead of detailing what was written on the payment receipt at your disposal nkita oyah ndi canada,agha regi na umunna gi ebeu. Ozu mbe di kagi John,ichere so so gi mara ighe,and when the Rev.Father returned from the money transfer agency whom you have been steadily insulted. nwochikwe,nwokwa onwu ike.
Yes I mean all that I'm saying here hahaaha and take the credit,bia ki racha nsi m, egbe chere onye ozo gba kwa gi jaja,ifrifu gi udele regi na umunna gi makwa umunne gi na canada na kwa mgburumgburu lile.
Yes accept my wishes to you.

Sarah.

Methinks this ain't good...or it is depending how you look at it! Any 'Translators' out there?

Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 1:05 am

Oh well, Might as well try for some more Loving:

Quote:

My Sarah,

I don't understand your message??? Can you repeat it in some form of language that I might be able to decipher? As a Master of Cunninglinguistics, I am in fact surprised by your demeanor! Perhaps you should apologize!!!!

Honestly Sarah, have you been drinking? That is such an unbecoming message but since it was, quite obviously, written by that Hippy Rev. Mark and his Scottish contingent, I will disregard it. C'mon Sarah try to think of that Sweet Sister of yours ( I know I always do). How is she anyway?

Sarah you should try to act more like an adult, then we can perhaps attend to the business at hand. If you cannot, I can always complete this Business with that Sweet Sister of yours while you sit with the Women and Children!

More Mugu rant to come? Hope so!!!

Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 11:25 am

Sarah sent this three times so far today:

Quote:

Hi dear,
How are your Ozu nne gi,and Otu uchi rere nne gi,hopefully going on na ala ili gi? Okay nice to see you Egbe elu igwe gbagbu kwa gi na ezinulo gi there I meant all that I am saying,yes I might have gottten myself drunk but not like gunwa ozu mbee,ighe oma gbala kwa gi na oso ighe ojo gba kwute kwe gi na umunna gi na umunne general I meant all just chilling here with my sweet lovely sister Nanan and about your ndi nwuru a nwu family? Hopefully they are all naga nala ili ha na oge ne tere anya? Good to hear that about your ozu ogbenye family.
You will and must understand and acknowledge your iberibe na okwu achi gi kamgbe lele. How would you start talking to my sister when you don't even know her nor ever communicated her why are you being so ridicolous and funny? Okay ozu mgbe john boil,I give you permission to get in touch with my sister but probably you won't have her contact through me never just figure that out your fuckingself,uh oh did I ever say fucking john or son of a bitch john or mother-fucking john? sorry I didn't mean to but ikariri ikpo onye nwuru a nwu ne eje ije ozu mgbee lol how's your eletriccal work by the way? Okun nmoo ga bu nkegi just accept my sympathy or pity okay?

Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:13 pm

Maybe she has the written form of Tourette's Syndrome; you should ask her if she's seen a neuropsychologist.

Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 4:33 pm

^Pretty much what I suggested:

Quote:

My Sarah,

Have you gone off your Medication or something? Perhaps you should go see a specialist or at least get your prescription renewed.

Actually Darling, I would like to converse with that Sweet Sister of yours so could you give me her email address? That would probably be for the best as you are quite obviously unstable and in need of some form of intervention.

Talk soon Dearest,

I do prefer the Crazy with Rage Sarah not the just plain Crazy one:

Quote:

ohohoh hahahaha onye ara di ka gi,onye mpu di ka gi,ga okun muo you are an ewu

Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 1:04 am

Gotta try to lasso my Gal back into the mix:

Quote:

My Sarah,

Has your keyboard become possessed by a Demon or something? You are making absolutely no sense here. Perhaps its time to have that Scottish Reverend Marky Mark come over and perform an Exorcism?

Wait a minute, I've got an idea! How about I cheer you up with a joke? This is probably the funniest joke that I have ever heard:

Celine Dion walks into a bar and the Bartender remarks: "Why the long face?"

Isn't that a Gut Buster? I knew you'd like it Darling! Please tell that to your Sweet Sister for me; i know she'll love it as much as you.

Talk soon Dearest,

John

Yeah I know it's a stretch but maybe, just maybe, I can get a few more out of her.

Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:48 pm

So I was away for a bit but did try on occasion to check up on My Sarah. Sadly nothing came my way at all until a couple of minutes ago:

Quote:

IDIOTIC LAIR JOHN IDIOT JOHN! JOHN THE SMALL LIAR!! JOHN THE SINFUL AND UNFRUITFUL LAIR!!! YOU JOHN ARE LITTLE AND HOPELESS FOOL AND FOREVER YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE GENERATION BOTH YET UNBORN WILL CONTINUALLY TO BE. YOU FUCKING DECEIVER. POOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR YOU HAVE NO COMMON SENSE TO SENSE SIMPLE BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY AND NEVER WILL YOU GROW UP REMAIN FOOLISH AS YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME.

Sarah pretty much hit the nail on the head! Perhaps I should try to be a bigger LAIR or maybe it's time for Mals to try his hand at Sarah????? I dunno but the Lad has not yet even had the chance to meet the real me yet. Did I tell you that I think I'm in love? A week and a bit in Iroquios Falls will do that to a Fellah....

Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:20 pm

By the way, Iroquois is pronounced IRKUS by English Speaking inhabitants but that's another story....

Quote:

My Sarah,

What exactly are you talking about? I am beginning to think that you aren't a very nice person!

From the beginning My Sarah, I have attempted to work this rather simple transfer out but you and those Bloody
Hibernians and that Greasy Reverend Marky Mark have been meddling in our affairs. Why are you blaming me? Obviously it is all their fault yet you side with these knuckleheads!!!! C'mon Dearest, we both know who is to blame here! As I have stated over and over, let me deal with that Sweet Sister of yours and all of this will be taken care of! There is no need for either of us to be harassed by such folk. You have to understand that most of us are not really into deep fried Mars Bars, Haggis, Caber Tossing or Sean Connery for that matter! You getting me Darling?

All in all, My Sarah please slow down, take a deep breath and remember just who is willing to take you and your Sweet Sister away from it all! Yeah that is me John

Posted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 3:07 am

What I've been reminded of in this bait is what my parents taught me as a kid - good things come to those who wait Smile