service llamas? dead monkeys? a MUST Read

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 12 Aug 2012 Posts: 1

Original Ad:
This couch is in excellent condition - must be purchased in person with cash - please do not send me a message about a money order from your accountant in Bangladesh!
You can text me at 858 363 7161 or send an email to munsonmom at gmail dot com. Happy Shopping!

My response:
Hi, I am very interested and will buy at your price. I would have loved to come and see it,but my schedule is very tight.Your payment will be mailed out once you provide your full name.phone number and address.I can only pay via money order as am on a business trip now.I dont want to lose this to someone else so I won't mind adding $30 so you can keep it in my favor.You should get your payment in 3-4 working days.I will appreciate if you can get the ad off craigslist so i can be sure you are keeping it in my favor.Please let me know as soon as you receive it so i can start making arrangement for the pick-up.Thanks

yes, please mail the check to:
The Easter Bunny
1234 North Pole St
Toothfairiesville, CA 99999
I guess I'll get your $$ when pigs fly!

His response:
Thanks for the your prompt response and i have decided and concluded
to buy the item from you. I am OK with the cost.And I would be very
glad to inform you that, My Office will be mailing overnight certified
check from my salary to cover the cost of the item as you
requested,I'll want you to remove the advert from web and consider
this item is sold to me..I really wish to be there to check out the
item but i don't have chance cause am very busy man (Doctor). So i
want to be the best offer by offering you extra $60 to your money as
the best offer and i hope you will keep this item for me
I will be needing the following information to issue out the payment ..
Name:Address:City:State:Postal Code:Cell and home Phone#:
Also you should be aware that you won't be responsible for shipping as
i will have my mover come over and pick it up as soon as you received
the check and I also have some other goods i already bought in other
location which my mover will pick up all together. i will get back to
you once my secretary made the payment out to you. Thanks...

My response:
Absolutely! I'm all in! Your monies will be yes clearly very trustworthingly sent via my courier service from athens. I myself am a very preoccupied bilingual chef of frozen seafoods and delicacies of european delights and country-territories. My attention to all meats is of the utmost superstitious delight and important of the aformentioned business and international shipping. Plus I love shrimp. I live in Morocco but do seafood transfers in Uzbequistan and I am moving to Ireland after my account from Trinidad marries my cousin from Guatemala in a ceremony fantastico in Guam.

I am looking backwards to reciprocating your foreign monies causing much delights of interest and business. Shipping transfer tax penalty fees will be shipped immediately upon departure of shrimp.

The Easter Bunny

His response:
This is to notify you that the payment has been mailed out to your
location and it will get to your location very soon and also to inform
you that the shipping funds was included on the payment, So kindly get
back to me as soon as you have the payment so that i can advice you on
how the shipping funds will be send back to the shipper then pick-up
will be arrange. I await your mail soon. hope you will never
disappoint me as soon as you receive the payment because i want this
pick up asap.hope i can trust you on this?

My response:
Destiny - I'm sorry about your worker dying. Abraham Lincoln died too. It was very sad.
I've arranged for my sofa to be delivered to the Heathrow Airport. It should arrive at 1:34pm on Monday, May 2nd at Gate 66 Terminal 3. Look for my assistant Waldo. He wears a red striped shirt and a beret. He may or may not have a monkey on his shoulder. The monkey is named Luigi if you must know but please don't call him by his name. Please bring eggplant parmesan just in case the monkey is around. You must feed the monkey with your left hand while blindfolded. He is Italian after all. But he is allergic to dairy so the parmesan must be dairy free. This is very difficult yet very critical. Should the monkey poop on the couch it is your obligation as couch owner to clean up the poop. I will wait to receive your money plus shipping delays plus airfare for Waldo plus airfare for Luigi plus vaccination fees plus rabies shots plus transfer taxes plus escrow insurance plus CA state tax plus the cost of a tuxedo for Luigi. Luigi insists on traveling in style. He wears custom tuxedos made in Milan. This total amounts to $81, 212. It is an excellent couch. My daughter just spray painted the left side of it with lime green paint but I only think it adds to the character of the couch.

His response:
Hello, how are you doing, am very sorry for the delaying of the
payment since this day , the problem is that one of my
worker get an accident and he dead. that is causes of the
delaying but everything is ok now , so you will receiving the
payment this week and i will pay for the delaying of the
payment since this day ok ,you don't need to selling the item
to another person because i believe it belong to me so you
wait for the payment and as soon as you receive it , i want
you to get back to me so that will can arrange for the pick
up asap

My response:
Destiny's Child ~ I have terrible news of much valor and strength. As you may know my courier Waldo travels with a service-monkey-for-the-deaf-blind-and-mute at all times. His service-monkeys must go through a rigorous training process at the Animal Shelters of Foreign Wars Veterans and this program is both expensive and time consuming and so many hours go into training each monkey that much start up costs and time spent as well as opportunity costs including vaccinations but not limited to diseases and other reprecussions of international travel heretofor covering war, tornados, earthquakes, tsunamis and even tidal wave aftershocks. Except the recent tsunami. That is an exception per the Geneva Convention. And the Haugue Convention which was ironically signed in Geneva but used for notarial acts including affidavits and such. But now I am getting off target. PS the Chilean Miner episode is also exempt. Which brings me back to Waldo's new traveling companion, his service-llama. Waldo by the way is no longer blind. His service llama helps him deal with the stress caused by international travel delays and shipping costs. He is also known as a prozac-llama but they are ilegal in most foreign countries and cannot under any circumstances visit tsunami sites. If they do you must put the lotion in the basket immediately and extra fees are incurred. Do not name names or let them know about me or my couch. But I digress. But my digestion is OK. But the crack-llama (crack is no longer on the exclusionary party list) does have digestion issues. Unlike the original service-monkey who died by the way from grape peels.

We will be having a Celebration of Life (so to this funeral you will not wear black but must wear an outfit that coordinates with the monkey's tuxedo whose name I cannot recall at this time). The service monkey whos name I cannot remember at this time will be buried on Cindo De Mayo so margaritas will be served. The speed-llama does enjoy margaritas and peach are his favorite with a little sugar on the rim and he insists on cuervo gold tequilla. We will also be fundraisign for our newest program: service-fish. They have to stay in their tank at alll times because they have gills but they do ease the anxiety of foreign travel. Note that service-fish cannot help the blind-deaf-mute couriers with many things. Because they cannot talk. Although I digest my breakfast at this point because excellent medical progress is being made day by day. So the dead monkey will in fact be buried on the leather couch that costs $200 plus shipping fees plus delay costs. He will remain on the couch underground for a mourning period of up to 72 days the exact days of which my psychic zelda will decide. zelda is the one that originally turned me on to heroin-llamas. she has to read the dead monkey whose name I cannot remembers palms first which is very difficult because he is both dead and his palms are very hairy. We will likely have to wax his palms but zelda recommends using the product the kardashian sisters use for their very hairy body parts. zelda in fact insists.

I have placed a new ad on craigslist looking for an armenian esthetician willing to wax a dead monkey. Do you know anybody that specializes in this ancient practice?

His response:
you will receive it very soon

My response:
thank you! I just received the check in the mail but I am confused because the amount is too high. You are SO generous! I was expecting to receive $280 but instead received $680! There must have been some problem on the part of your courier and shipment department. Perhaps you should consider using Waldo.

Please immediately provide me with the following details so I can refund you the $400 difference:
Name
SSN (complete)
Address
Phone Number
Mother's Maiden Name
Shirt Size
Weight
Height
Cholesterol level

PS - the couch should be out of the grave within 72 days and ready for pick up!

His response:
Hello what did you want to do with the below,my name is destiny
And are you sure that you receive my payment,all you need to do now is
you have to do now is to take check to bank and and when you cash the
money deduct $280+20 for the delay and send the the amount left to my
mover so as to come for the pick up

Here is the mover information again where to make the rest of the
money send to through western union for the pick up

NAME========Skyler lewis boatright
ADRESS =====206 Weaver St.
CITY=========Mcminnville,
STATE=======OR 97128
as soon as you make the money send to my mover , you have to get
back to me with all this information for the pick up

Amount send after deducting western union charges????????????
sender name and address????????????????????????????????
MTCN 10 digit control number??????????????????????????????
Best time for the pick up ??????????????????????????????????

So , i will be looking forward to read from you today regards all
this information for the pick

My final response:
Great! the money is on it's way! I'll let you know when the dead monkey is out of the ground and the couch is all cleaned up!

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