How does one become a Mod?

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Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:01 pm

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

The requirements are exceedingly rigid and uncompromising. Applicants must have all of the following qualities:

1. Able to breathe without being told
2. Fluent in at least one English language
3. Possessing at least two fingers, and capable of typing with them on a keyboard in semi-literate fashion
4. Willingness to work insane hours at no pay
5. Willingness to take endless abuse from trolls, spammers, and occasional cantankerous members
6. Ability to enforce no-leeting rule
7. Exceptional physical attractiveness
8. Ability to wear heavy jackboots and wield them as necessary
9. Exceptional sexual prowess

Please send your resume to SOOI. We'll get back to you.

1. Check
2. Three: American, Ebonics, and Pilot
3. Ten operational fingers...
4. No sweat. See above post about aviation experience.
5. See 4
6. Check
7. Was called a sexy beast on two separate occasions by attractive female and male passers-by.
8. Very much check
9. Was called a "sex god" multiple times during most recent encounter with girlfriend

What would be the proper format for said resume?

Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:34 pm

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

Please send your resume to SOOI. We'll get back to you.

I forgot to include #10: ability to follow instructions.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

BattleHawk77 wrote:

Does one need to have compromising photos of Slightly?

Check.

Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:41 pm

^ My luck in a nutshell... I only have this one of Justcold. Sad

Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:55 pm

^Don't EVER ask me to one of your "sexy Danish parties" again. There were no hot Eater ladies there.

I seem to remember Juan with the tape though..

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:01 am

^^ You should have known when they said "Lets catch this on tape!" that it wasn't going to be a video. Laughing

I don't understand why anyone would want to be a Mod. From what I have heard from reliable sources, the Mod room is always a mess. There are only two chairs and no windows. Meetings are filled with monologues by Admins. Voting is rigged and Mods have to follow Members like me around from various forums, cleaning up the messes I make.

Well, messes I am accused of making. I have never been found guilty.

I also hear that the Jackboots are not new, but have been passed down for years. I happen to know when it comes to footwear, one size does NOT fit all.

Then there is the business of dealing with trolls. I know I have a difficult time discerning trolls from All right already, we get the picture, you aren't and never will be Mod material. I am just saving you from continued embarrassment. Hugs your fav Mod <snip> </snip>

So that's all I know.

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:05 am

One day, there I was, minding my own business, when I just turned green.

I blame it on cheap jewelry.

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:43 am

Juan wrote:

I forgot to include #10: ability to follow instructions.

Damn. So close. Oh well, guess I'm stuck here for another term. Crying or Very sad

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:49 am

@Dorothy

I keep my mod application right next to my astronaut application which I submit both monthly. Pesistance is key.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

One minute, I was drinking in a small, quiet corner in a small, quiet bar...the next minute I was chained to a metal, wobbly desk in the metal hold of what appears to be a ship and forced to use a computer that still runs on DOS.....

The quarterly meetings with the lovely Mod ladies is a pleasant respite - the PTBs make them wear skimpy clothing and fetching hats....

My 'employers' tell me that I have only three more jackbooty posts to make and my servitude will be complete and I'll be released.....yet my postcount seems to inexplicably be set at 41 Sad

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:34 am

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

Please send your resume to SOOI. We'll get back to you.

I forgot to include #10: ability to follow instructions.

But I haven't submitted it yet, now have I? Wink

I was merely performing a mental checklist out loud.

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:37 am

BattleHawk77 wrote:

In all seriousness, is it something one is asked to do or can one volunteer for the position?

Why on earth would anyone want to volunteer for the position? Laughing

There I was one day, minding my own business. My phone rang and I did not recognize the number. I answered. It was Rover. I said yes. Rover broke into hysterical laughter, covered the mouthpiece on the phone and I heard a muffled "He said he'd do it!", immediately followed by more hysterical (muffled) laughter. Rover hung up before I could change my answer to "No".

Within two hours, Pastor Frank PM'd me bitching about something trivial and Klassvaak had flooded my inbox with Eltons.

It's gotten progressively worse. Sad

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:42 am

jose_cuervo wrote:

Why on earth would anyone want to volunteer for the position? :lol

Well, I darn sure ain't gonna get paid to do it, and it would be working toward the betterment of the board. I mean, there is a fair amount of riff-raff around here... Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

BattleHawk77 wrote:

there is a fair amount of riff-raff around here

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:13 am

^^ What's wrong with Riff Raff?

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:19 am

^^^^ My brain just did a Time Warp. Oh great now I am going to be stuck with that song in head the rest of the night!

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:46 am

I was originally made a mod purely on the basis of Rover's favourite motto:

"Keep your friends close but keep your enemies even closer."

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:53 am

I have problems from time to time with the 'deathers' - other mods demanding to see the long form version of my death certificate, as there are persistent rumours that it's a forgery.

Other than that, it's the only room dark and cold enough to keep my coffin in, although the squirrel's litter tray keeps getting moved into my corner Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:24 am

BattleHawk77 wrote:

Well, I darn sure ain't gonna get paid to do it

You're not, asking will just get you blacklisted. I make quite a handsome living out of it though. Just put another story on the house

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:18 pm

Don't forget the "419Eater is my life" tattoo...

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 3:56 am

The only requirement is that you need to be insane enough to become a mod, which also implies that once you are in the nuth....err mod room, you are not allowed out again. Ever.
Paranoid thinks he is insane enough, but sadly for him he is just paranoid and that's not good enough.
Being a zombie would help too.

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 6:30 am

Ohhh... nooooo... ParaNoid knows he isn't crazy enough to be a Mod.

ParaNoid was just trying to figure out if he is riff or raff. He knows he isn't both, that would be some other disorder of the cabeza. Shocked

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:53 am

Ah Paranoid come over here and let me explain my philosophy on Life and Death.

Don't worry folks I'll have him Mod Crazy in an hour. He will long for the simple days of merely wondering if he is riff or raff.

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:42 am

I found having a lad crafted campaign shirt help

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 6:25 am

+ 10

Oh, no Bast C. I did get a call from Rover once. It wasn't pretty, he said my house was under surveillance and I best watch my ps and qs. I don't think it was an invitation to become a Mod.

Of course I loooked outside immediately, and there were black hellicoptera all 'round. I quickly closed the door and the shades and cut a trap door in the floor of the trailer.

I have since moved, changed my number and I only go outside in the night time so I can't see the black hellicopters. This was taped to the door of my current trailer recently. I am not sure waht it means.

Quote:

'Noid is very shy and meek, he always dresses in the dark because the mountains peak.

Now, it may have been an invitation to become a Mod, but I held it up to a candle to see if it was some kind of secret ink and the darn thing caught fire. It singed my eyebrows and I heard laughing from some place. Maybe it was a test to see if I were Mod material.

I hope I didn't blow it some how. Confused

Wait, what am I saying??? I have a headache already and I don't think any Mod openings exist. Laughing

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