Three Days of the Hitlad

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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 2:47 pm

A while back a Hitlad was circulating arround work so I took it upon myself to annoy him to no end. I spent a long weekend hitting him from three different accounts with somewhat limited results. Once I had my fun, I passed it on to the forum:

Quote:

hello my name is killer demon am from china i've no other job than to kill to survive...you have been betrayed by some one

very very close to you .I have been paid to kill you. I don't know what your offenses might be and i don't care to know..
but the person wants you dead and right now your life is in my hands.. If You want to live then make an offer, and right now

you have just 78hours to live after that me and my men shall come

for your life and mark my word we shall not spare you.. And as am writing this mail to you my men are surrounding your house
right now watching you and if you do anything stupid by going to the police or any force then you shall receive a

gun short from us.. but i can help you if you will pay me double of what i have been paid... then i can tell you who

wants you dead..but that will be after you have paid to save your life..your life is in your hands now.

This is to Warn you that you must keep this as very confidential as possible the moment we find out that this information
is been revealed then we shall take your life without any pity, right now let me inform you that your enemy is very close to you
as i'm sending this mail to you now.....remember do not tell anybody if i tell you who wants you dead... as soon as you tell anyone
then the information will spread and you will be dead.

you can contact me on this email( [email protected]

I gave the usual response:

Quote:

Pleaese sir what do you want?????????

The nice Gentleman is quick to answer:

Quote:

well i don't have much to say am not foreseeing you to pay me not to kill you...but i just want too help you out by giving you this details...but i wont tell you who ordered us to kill you not after you paid me then i will now tell you...the person is very very close...remember don't tell anybody about this is for your own good......if you are ready to double what he paid me then we are in for business...remember do not tell or show anybody this mail....3.000 American us dollars...and you can send it to my agent in Ghana, the reason why you have to pay to Ghana is to make sure you don't trace us or do something stupid ... be warned your time is fast approaching and any delay will cost you your life so act very fast...

KILLER DEMON.

Quote:

Mr Demon,

Who would wan't me killed? I might have made some mistakes in life but nothing that would warrant this!

How can I know that you are not joking?

Anxiously awaiting your reply,

Mr Demon screws up my name but that's okay:

Quote:

Mr Mil Burn.

For your own good, let me advice you to do all you can to save your life, my time to kill you is very near, and my men are in a hurry to finish their job as soon as possible, and the person you wants you dead have been asking me what is delaying the assignment, if you want one of my men to come over to your place and shoot you on your leg as a warning then you try to dare me by asking me any question without following my direct instructions.

You have lesser time to live if you dont do what you are asked to do, delay and your life will be gone.

When you are ready to make the payment, contact me and i shall provide the information where the funds should be remitted to with immediate effect.

Your time very near to be cut off, and let me warn you, we are monitoring your calls and movements, and if you try to do something funny, we shall shot your life out.

Your Time starts from now.

Killer Demon

Quote:

Mr. Demon,

No I don't want one of your men to shoot me! Please stop threatening me and give me answers. Money isn't a problem but how can I trust that you are serious here? Do you have some sort of Identification that I can see?

If this is a joke, I am not impressed. Is that you my old Buddy Ebsen?

He refuses to break script:

Quote:

Mill Burn.

This will be my last email to you, the next action now will be your life...... i have ordered my men to take you down within 24 hours, if you want to live, make and offer and go ahead and do as you are told... do not contact me if you are not ready to make the payment, but be rest assured we are watching you, and less than 24hours if you dont do as instructed we shall send you where you ought to be. i guess you know where that is.....

Your time starts counting from now.............

Killer Demon

Quote:

Listen Ebsen I don't think this is funny at all. You are scaring me okay? Please stop it or I'll come over there and kick your butt!!!

If this is serious then tell me what I need to do! I don't know what you mean by sending me where I ought to be???? I'm here at home but don't see anybody around. What do your men look like? I did see a Police Car drive by earlier.

At least strays a wee bit:

Quote:

Can you tell me who is Buddy Ebsen? you are joking with your life, you dont know what you are joking with, by the time we are done with you, i am sure in your next life you would learn to be careful and take matters serious.. the person who wants you dead keeps worrying us to kill you off but from our investigation about you, we have been informed you are a good person, but how does that concern us? we are here to make money so right now, let me warn you again, do not write me except you have make the payment which you have been instructed to make, dont forget 24hours from now your dead body will be on the floor and soon you will be gone.

we do not send any type of identification to anyone, we are not begging you for money, we are only trying to help you, so if you think you are brave and smart enough then keep delaying, and soon your killer will be happy. You are here by advised to pay the sum of 3,000 usd with immediate effect.

here is the information where the payment should be remitted to our agent in , the reason why the payment should be sent there is to make sure you dont trace us, but if you delay to make this payment within 24hours then consider yourself dead.

Receivers Name: Immanuel Omoremilekun Cyril

Receivers Country: Ghana

Text Question: what for?

Text Answer: agent

Senders Name ------------------------------

Senders Country -------------------------------

Senders Mobile Number ----------------------------

MTCN NUMBER :--------------------------------------

Amount Sent? ----------------------------------------

As soon as the payment is made send us the information so we can instruct our agent to confirm the payment, and if you fail to make this payment within 24hours then do not bother to contact us again because you are already dead.

Your Time is still counting.....

Killer Demon

I decide to step up the stupidity a touch:

Quote:

Do you mean you are not my old Buddy Ebsen? I'm still not convinced but I'll play along for now.

Nobody that I know of wants me dead. Why would they? Please help me understand what you are telling me???? It's not too much to ask is it?

If you truly are an International Assassin, why do you not have any sort of identification? Don't you have to be a member of a secret Guild or something? Did you not have to graduate from some special Academy? I've always had to carry my Union card around with me!

Please be reasonable here, I do have the money to pay but am not convinced that you are not joking. What guarantees can you give me???

The Kind Mr. Demon just won't budge:

Quote:

I have warned you not to contact me until the payment is made, moreover we are not allowed to give you any clue of who we are and we are not here to negotiate with you
if you are proving stubborn then be rest assured that your life will used as an example, and dont forget that the person who wants you dead is around you, watching you, the moment you let him or anyone know about this then you have blow it up. we are watching you, your time is still counting, keep wasting time and when your time is up there will be no remedy.

You already have our Agent Payment Details. as soon as the payment is made then contact us, if not then do not, i repeat do not contact us, your time is less than 24hours.

killer Demon

Maybe I should dumb it down some then?

Quote:

Okay Mr. Demon,

I understand what you are saying but who else can I contact? You've listed someone by the name Cyril but I don't have his Email address nor do I know how to send the money that you are demanding!

Why can't you negotiate with me? I'll pay you to get rid the the Person who is after me. Wouldn't that be acceptable? I might even consider other work for you if you are who you say you are!

Being said if I were to hire you, I need to see your qualifications. Do you belong to that Secret Agency SPHINCTER like I saw on the Television? They look like a dark and nasty bunch let me tell you! If you were associated with that Cadre, I would immediately comply let me tell you! Stuff like that scares me.

Please consider my offer here okay?

Quote:

Mill Burn

This is the reason why we dont try to have mercy on our targets, we eliminate them without any mercy, people like you needs no mercy at all, death is all you need.

We are not paid to negotiate with you, we are paid to eliminate you, do you understand? we did not contact you to beg you for money, we are contacting you to help you, but
now you are frustrating us and the best thing for us is to go ahead and do our job.

We are not allowed to reveal our identification to anyone, and should incase you want to contract us to eliminate your enemy then that would be after you have sent the payment you have been instructed to send to our agent, and for your information you do not need his contact details, as soon as the payment is made, you are to send the payment details to us then we shall send it across to him, or are you trying to teach us our job? Do you want us to end your life so short? dont forget your time is counting, when the time comes, we dont spare you, we are watching you, we are highly connected to the police, CIA, FBI and other secret agents, your phone lines are been recorded, and when its time to kill you, we wont have mercy on you, and we have warned you, not to contact us except the payment is made, when we finish killing you, we shall kill all your family members one after the other, keep wasting time while your time is counting.....

Killer Demon

This is getting serious now. I had better not make him any madder or there's no telling what he will do:

Quote:

Killer Demon,

I understand completely what you are saying but how am I to send the money? You have neglected that very part. Without this Cyril's contact information, how can I possibly send him a check??? Be reasonable here okay?

While I am waiting for this information, I would like to ask you more questions if that is alright with you. From your connections with the CIA and FBI I am assuming that you are a member of SPHINCTER is that correct? I've always wanted to train with such elite forces as you. Is there any chance after we have taken care of this nasty business that I could join your ranks? I used to Fence in College and was pretty handy with the foil,I must say. Do you use all types of weapons in your business? I am a quick learner if you would just indulge me.

Please do not kill my family okay? They are innocent and shouldn't be involved in this.

I beg your indulgence Mr. Demon,

He now starts prefacing his messages with "Killer Association Squard":

Quote:

Now I Can see you are taking us for granted. keep it up. You have no connection or business with our agent on whatsoever reason
So therefore if you love your life and that of your family follow our instructions, and this is our last warning, if you dare respond to us
without you making the payment first, then we shall show you a sign by killing one of your family, then when your time is up, we shall
kill you and all your family.

we are sure there is a werternn onion outlet around your location, Now take the sum of three thousand usd and go and send it to the
information which is below

He does have the patience of Job but then again he has never had to deal with me before:

Quote:

Please Mr. Demon,

I do not understand what you mean by wastrn onion. Is that a courier company? I thought that I was supposed to send a check??? Please don't hurt my family okay? I'm just confused!!!! Believe me I will do as you say!!!!

Being said, is the Killer Association Squard part of SPHINCTER? I like the name by the way. Honestly, kind Killer I would be an asset to your organization. I am a Chemist by trade so I know how to make all kinds of nasty devices. I could supply you all sorts of things for your missions I promise you that. I don't think that I would make a very good Assassin anyways with all that Blood and Guts and stuff. It is kinda gross.

Since you are willing to tell me who is having me killed, how about I pay you to kill them and that will settle everything. You don't even have to kill their family so there would be a savings to you already. I think that makes proper business sense don't you??? Let's negotiate and then get down to business okay Mr. Demon. By the way is that a secret code name? It is quite scary I must say! If you do actually hire me to work for SPHINCTER, could I pick my own name or is it assigned by one of the upper echelon members? I

Please consider my requests and help me to understand exactly what you need from me.

Milburn

PS - Are you sure this isn't my Buddy Ebsen????

Somebody is just not getting it:

Quote:

We decided not to kill you despite the fact that your killer wants you dead so fast, but right now we can see you are taking us for granted.

Now we will show you we are more smarter than you are.

Your time is up.

we are sure there is a waretern ionion outlet around your location, Now take the sum of three thousand usd and go and send it to the
information which is below

Quote:

I've told you that I don't know about Weeter Orion. Can't I mail you a check??

He must be starting to believe that I am am complete Fucktard by now:

Quote:

We still want to keep you alive, but we have now understand you dont want to live. Who on earth dosnt know wabstern unicon? Okay follow our instruction.

Walk into any bank and ask the bank staffs that you would like to send funds across to your agent in africa (Ghana) via wabsern uniiion and then provide them the
payment details which we provided you. You cannot tell us you dont know any bank around you, so make sure you dont come up with another excuses, orelse time time
we assure you that we will not spare your life.

Killer Demon

Quote:

Mr Demon,

I went to the bank and they said that a bank to bank transfer was much safer. Could you send me your account number? I'll do my best to comply!!!

There are people following me I think! Are they your boys?

Mr. Killer is starting to get upset:

Quote:

we have instructed you to go into a bank and tell them you want to send western union. you keep telling us bullshit, no problem, we are watching you, when your time is up, there will be no mercy. mark our word

Killer Demon

Too bad for him I suppose:

Quote:

I am not telling you bullshit. They tell me that Waresern Unicorn is used by unscrupulous people (their words not mine). Couldn't I just give cash to your boys?

Quote:

Now your time is up, we are comming for you..... be ready

Killer Demon

The ever helpful Mr. Demon even sends me a link:

Quote:

We can see you are acting hard, now we are coming we have given you enough time to think and act but we cant wait, the person who wants you dead is disturbing us.

To save your life, you have one more chance. and dont forget we dont collect cash from people, so here is a weertern uoinon link which can help you find a nearest outlet nearer to you, then when you dare revert to us with another excuses then lets see who dies.

copy this link and paste on your browser and type your address on the site to locate the nearest wehertrn onion office.

http://locations.wesdjkdhfhunion.com/?locale=en_US

Dare us and see if you wont die.

Killer Demon

Sadly this doesn't help me at all:

Quote:

Mr. Demon,

I'm not too good with computers. I tried the link but it is for the USA and I live in Canada. Do we even have this Bank in Canada??

Please help me!!!

And to steal/borrow/modify a somewhat famous line:

The greatest trick the Killer Demon ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone.

I do hope that we hear from the Evil Guild called SPHINCTER in the future...

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Nov 2009 Posts: 114

If this is recent, why not try reeling them back in as Detective Barnaby Jones, investigating your murder.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

Why not turn the tables on him and start threatening him? Say you hired your own hit man instead with the money. That might bring him back to the table.

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 4:43 pm

Sadly once I passed him off to the rest of the crew they beat him to a pulp and his messages simply bounced back. I must remember to be a bit more selfish in the future....

Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:36 am

@Scambay Terr I do apologize for not using Barnaby Jones as my ally. He will definitely become a part of my future scripts. I honestly cannot remember watching a single episode but then again that's what YouTube and my work days are for.

This bait was just a drunken pseudo mass bait from a few accounts. I also hit him with the senile Korena War vet ( who he backed down from) and the Stoner Teenager who was stealing cash from his Sisters purse.

Three days of fun mind you....