I've got a Hitlad!

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Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 8:52 pm

I've got me a hitlad, but methinks he's as bright as a blackout. This is his script...

Quote:

My friend i already told you before that your life is in a great denser, why you are still living is because i tell my men to wait, because i have go through your fucking details and i see you still have to live this beautiful life. the person who hired me want your death before this year ending because of your past Mr man, right now your life is in my hand hahahahahaaahaa.
DO YOU STILL WANT TO LIVE ???
I am a man with out pity, i don,t show mercy to people because this life is too wicked, i have killed thousand of people i was trained to be a killer, you are mark red on my list , but i don,t no why i decided to contacted you about this.
DO YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY WANT TO SEE NEXT YEAR????
I love killing people slowly, especially one of my hit man don kaka, that guy is worst than the devil itself is always with you 24 hours one call can make you bleed to dead don,t take my words for granted because i never joke with such words okay, but i told then to wait.
i was pay a very huge sum of dollars to waist your entire family right now i want you to come up with just $20,000,00 dollars, then i tell my men to lay their hands off you and i will tell you who is responsible and why the person want you dead, but if nothing is done is week then KISS MY GUN NEXT WEEK, HEY DON,T PLAY SMART , TELLING ANY ONE WILL MAKE YOU DIE FASTER.
RELAX I AM IN CONTROL HERE

Question is, how should I deal with him...I could have some fun with this pond scum but I don't want to make a mess of it. I'd like his torture to be slow and painful, just like his threat to my character!

Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 9:10 pm

Wow, if his aim is anything like his grammar and spelling, you should have nothing to worry about. Your neighbor two doors down may have cause to be concerned, though Laughing

I'm thinking a straight bait would be the best way to go with this one. Beg for your life, find out how you would need to send him the money, etc. I'd say play it as an 80 year-old pensioner.

Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 10:09 pm

Thanks for the hints. I'll post how it goes.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 3:59 am

Quote:

my hit man don kaka

Looks like he was baited before and fed a couple of good lines by a baiter. I love hitlads, there so bloody hilarious (see my sig line). What I usually do is talk down the amount he wants. You'll see that in no time he's going to accept whatever you can send him. I agree, a straight bait is best with these guys. I usually end up with my money being chopped in the end.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:01 pm

I once got a hit lad to totally believe in my character and got him to work for me. Then we did a massbait:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=192893&highlight=apple+dumpling+gang

Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 2:06 pm

I 've sent my first email to the great Adolf Hitlad. I thought I'd throw in a slap or two to see if it makes him up the ante as a punishment for my impertinence:

Quote:

Dear Mr Clement
There's no need to swear at me in your letter...you've got my attention.
Please do not kill me. I have a good life and I don't deserve to be threatened. Please tell me who has paid you to kill me. I have no enemies so I am at a loss as to who could hate me so much that they want me dead.
I WANT TO LIVE!!!!
I suppose my pleading will fall on deaf ears since you say you are a man of no pity and that life is too wicked...and I will take no lessons on life's wickedness from a self-confessed murderer of thousands...you ARE the wickedness. Just please tell me what I have to do to make you go away. Oh sorry, you have, it's just that your written English is some of the worst I've ever seen and your letter as a result is not easy to make sense of.
Can we come to some sort of arrangement?...I don't have $20,000 to give you immediately. I can manage $10,000 now and another $10,000 in two weeks as I would have to cash in my Premium Bonds to get you the rest of it. How do you want me to pay it to you...and how do I know you will leave me and my family alone once you have it.

Rachel Jimlad

I'll see what he says to this and then make up some excuses about why I can't give him the $10,000 after all. I suspect he'll get angrier and angrier until he blows a gasket! I'm enjoying this one a lot. This lad is as thick as an elephant sandwich...my nine year old Italian niece can write better English than this gump.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 2:16 pm

I've just had a reply from my lad. He's a real Einstein that wants to do a bank transfer so he's given me his bank details!...and off to Alan they go. What a dork this boi is. Needless to say I will discover that my money has been returned on the grounds that his account is red flagged by the FBI.

I agree with Hans Moleman that to eventually chop this lad's dolla would be the ultimate torture for him. How do I arrange it?

Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 2:29 pm

Sounds like Mr. Hawking would have nothing on this guy. If you play him right, he could be good for a few accounts. Then, chop his dolla and make him squirm. Smile

If you'd like some help, I can be another character so as to add to his torture. Maybe an executive at your bank or the like.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 2:40 pm

Thanks for the offer Battlehawk. It would be good to make this lad suffer as much as possible...notwithstanding my hatred of cruelty to dumb animals...and it seems he's immune to my insults. He's not apparently bothered that I implied he was as illiterate as a dog with dyslexia.
Here's what he wrote:

Quote:

Below is the information for you to go and make the payment of $10000 dollars first , you are advice to make the payment in the name of our agent in South Africa is the one that is going to be giving me fill back weather you will live or not, so you better have it mind that you are going to pay this money to South Africa country for security reason, if any happen to any of my you are dead.
no excuse.
you can tell then in bank that the money is ment for urgent business

the money can be transfer to this bank account okay

BANK NAME: XXXXXX BANK
ACCOUNT NAME: XXXX
ACCOUNT NUMBER: XXXXXXXXX
SWIFT : XXXXXXXXX
ADDRESS: JOHANNESBURG
COUNTRY: SOUTH AFRICA

IF ANY THING HAPPENS TO ANY OF MY MEN YOU WILL NOT SEE THE NEXT DAY SO BE WARN

If you could send me an email playing the part of my bank manager with apologies for the failed transfer etc, I'll get it off to him tomorrow.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 2:53 pm

PM sent your way. Smile

And I agree: As much as I dislike seeing dumb animals suffer, this one, I think, deserves it.

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:09 pm

@ Jimlad. One of the other ways that I torment my hitlads is to tell them that I don't have the liquid cash but can send them the equivalent value in merchandise, mostly iPhones, iPads, Androids, etc... Tell him that you work for some local 2-bit shipping company and that you have access to the stuff. The nice thing about this one is that the amount of $ is irrelevant and the higher it is, reasonably, the more the lad salivates and is willing to do a road trip.

My signature Malyasian hitlad had an accomplice in Nigeria. I had sent the merchandise from one of my fake shipping companies to the airport in Port Hartcourt as a time sensitive parcel. If it wasn't picked up within 4 hours of arrival, it was returned. And of course it arrived at 3 a.m. in the morning. The Nigerian lad had to drive from his place (the address had been provided to me earlier) to the PH airport, a roughly 150 Km round trip, twice in one day. He was not impressed. I blamed the Gomers.

Oh, and I had to murder a co-worker that caught me stealing and in a panic, shipped the body to the lad for proper disposal. That was interesting as well. Bruin did the same thing with one of his lads.

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:15 pm

That's brilliant! How do you guys think that stuff up. I don't seem to have that kind of imagination. Sad

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:56 pm

Hang around here long enough, jimlad, and you will be inspired. The ATM card guy I'm baiting will be the recipient of a lot of pain and heartache with ideas I've gathered here. Smile

Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 2:33 am

^^^ Agree. Stick around and you'll start absorbing through osmosis.

Have fun! Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 2:34 am

Not exactly a dollar chop but... since the hit lad usually claims to be watching my house, I will say I left the money under the third rock past the mailbox or something like that. Then when I check, the money is gone! Oh no! One of his boys must have taken it.