This One's a Cracker!

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:05 am

I got this letter this morning from a Mr LINDA Williams.
This lad is proof that Nigeria needs to reconsider its education policies!

WESTERN UNION COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC &n bsp;
10 Parkville Road,
Aso Rock Villa Cotonou
Benin Republic.
+22999941852
Dr Tony Uba

Attention Beneficiary ,

I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU IF THIS IT'S NOT TRUE. I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM MR.JAMES KELLER,HE CALLED US YESTERDAY WITH THIS TELEPHONE NUMBER:8668623150 INFORMING ME THAT YOU ARE DEAD AND HE SAID THAT I SHOULD SEND HIM YOUR FUND TO HIS HOME ADDRESS: 1011 S 7TH ST. WATERTOWN, WI 53094, USA, BECAUSE HE IS YOUR NEXT OF KIN BENEFICIARY TO YOU, AND HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT YOU INSTRUCTED HIM TO CLAIM YOUR PROPERTIES INCLUDING YOUR MONEY IN CASE BECAUSE YOU ARE NO MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH.

I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH AND I DONT KNOW THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT REPLY THE EMAILS I SENT TO YOU REGADING THE TRANSFERRING OF YOUR FUND.THIS IS MY PROMISE TO YOU THAT I AM GOING TO DO EVERYTHING WITHIN MY POWER TO MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FUND IS BE TRANSFER TO HIM AS YOUR NEXT OF KIN BENEFICIAL TO YOU MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE AND MAY GOD GRATE YOU INTERNAL LIFE ON THE LAST DAY TO COME I AM VERY VERY SORRY.

HE DID ALSO SAID HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SPEND SOME MONEY TO GET THE FUND BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND I SHOULD LET HIM KNOW THE COST,I TOLD HE TO HOLD ON AND LET ME VERIFY IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT BECUASE IAM CONFUSED NOW ABOUT THIS CLAIMS'YOU ARE ADVICE TO SEND YOUR ADDRESS TO ENABLE ME PROCEED ON YOUR TRANSFER IF THIS IS NOT TRUE BUTFOR YOUR INFROMATION YOU ARE TO PAY FOR THE RENEWAL OF YOUR PAYMENT FILE FEE OF YOUR
FUND, WHICH THE IF IT IS TRUE THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.,

ALSO HE TOLD US THAT YOU GIVE HIM THE $120 TO SEND TO RECEIVE THE PAYMENT.
BEEN ADVICE THAT IF WE DID NOT HEAR FROM YOU IN NEXT 2DAY WITH THE PAYMENT INFORMATION OF $120 I WILL RELEASE YOUR PAYMENT TO THEM So be advice to go to any western union agent to send the total sum of $120 to us with this information below so that we can proceed for the transfer of your fund.

Receives Name:....... o .benjamine chiedozie
City: Cotonou
Country: Benin Republic
Test Question: A
Answer:..... B
Amount: $120

THESE ARE YOUR FUNERAL PICTURES HE SUBMITTED TO ME AS THE FINAL CEREMONY OF YOUR BURIAL

Coffin being taken out of the cathedral
Pavarotti's coffin (What's Pavarotti got to do with the price of cheese??!!)
REPORTED BY MR. JOHNSON TONY
YOUR URGENT RESPOND IS HIGHLY NEEDED.AND REMEMBER TO CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS MAIL REGARD SIMEON MIRACLE. +229-99-52-16-8 URGENT YOU REPLY TO THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS BELOW {[email protected] }

Regards
western union Director TEL PHONE:+22999941852

Western Union
Welcome to Western Union
Send Money Worldwide

He was also so stupid he forgot to post the pictures!
My reply to him was this...

Dear Mr Johnson

Thank you for giving me a great laugh this morning. Your letter is priceless and one of the funniest things I've read in ages!!
This bit's the best.."I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH". If you think your "beneficiary" is dead how do you expect him to read this???
Actually, no...this bit's better..."MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE AND MAY GOD GRATE YOU INTERNAL LIFE ON THE LAST DAY TO COME I AM VERY VERY SORRY."
Again, if you think he's dead, how's he supposed to get this message? I also love the idea of God grating him internal life. I always thought he granted eternal life but maybe it's different in Muguland.
You must be the stupidest man I've ever come across in all my years of reading these ridiculous advance fee fraud letters. In fact yours is SO good I'm going to post it on the web as an example of just how stupid someone can be. You're SO thick I'm surprised you can feed yourself!

It seems Charles Darwin was wrong after all.

Please feel free to have fun with this lad. I couldn't do him justice!

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 10:31 am

^^ Shouldn't really educate him. His poor script might act as a warning to would be victims.

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:51 am

Under any other circumstances i would be inclined to agree with you, but based on the idiots complete lack of language skills i don't think rewriting his entire letter for him would help....I almost cried i felt so bad for this guy.
but that won't stop me from stringing him along for awhile.

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:35 am

I sent this to him this evening, i had to re write it several times to be sure i dumbed it down enough for him to read...I'm sure the $$ signs will get his utmost attention...will let you know what happens.

Dearest Sir,

I received your letter of declaration this morning and must say i had no idea that the beneficiary had left earth, or could no longer be found by
a rather expansive search by H.R. Pufinstuf and his crew. We have concluded that the only way to confirm the deceased is in fact constipated
is to hire someone in your area to do a full search for the beneficiary.. Please help me to contact a tracker in your area to assure
us that the cause for constipation was in fact BPI (an overabundance of Branston Pickle Intake.)

We are willing to pay $200 (US) per day, plus a stipend of an additional $75 (US) per day to cover expenses ( ie..Buses, Vagisil, Depends..etc )
I have been given the OK to pay a maximum of 30 days to a person in your area to help us in our search. so the maximum amount
for contracted VD services is $8,250 (US). There is however a bonus should the person find the deceased and send us photographic proof of
the body. Should said person find the beneficiary alive and well ( and provide us with video proof of subject not less than 1 minute in length ) then
a finders fee of an additional $15,000 (US) will be Paid on top of the pay for days spent and expenses incurred. We can also pay a locate fee of no
more than $100 (US) to the person/s that locate someone to help us. Please, we need your help so that we may pay the monies to the person who
has the rights to claim all properties as his.
Contact me @ [email protected] if you can help, if not please disregard this email and its contents.

Thank You,
William Jack - Chief Necrophiliac

Diggs, Graves and Berry - Californias Premier Funeral Broker
So Cal USA

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 9:06 pm

I decided Linda was perfect for spotty old Albert. He fought in the war you know: Wink

Quote:

Hey Lady!

Who the hell told you I was DEAD! I may be 92 (Are YOU 92? I am!), but I haven't trotted off this mortal coil yet. You know, I fought in the war for the likes of you young whippersnappers, and here you are trying to kill me! I survived fighting the Nazi hun (even the space nazis), I fought on BOTH sides of the Korean conflict, and I fought in Vietnam as well (those kids really knew how to take drugs man).

And what the hell is a western union? Sounds like a conspiracy to me young man! You know, back in the good old days we didn't have this hifalutin email gadget. no, we used to talk to people and ring them via the tellingbone! email, puh! You women have it easy these days. This keller man is wrong young lady, and besides, that keller man is in the You Ess of A.

I am not a damn yankee, I am a true blue Aussie and I am proud of it! I want that damn yankee hunted down and shot like the dog he is. I fought in World war 2 against the likes of him you know...

Albert

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:57 am

Ha ha ha...I think I know Albert. this out to be good..I have yet to hear back on a tracker yet..he may have bailed from me..lets see what he does with you....I get about 5 potential good ones a day and would be happy to toss them your way in case you want a go at them

still all quiet...anybody hear back yet?

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:27 am

Hahaha, I was about to get coffee up my nose for laughing so hard from your replies!!!
I think I'll need to have a go with this crazy lad, after all, I'm still crying after having lost my True Love(lad) so I need a new friend now. Wink

EDIT: Just sent him this:

Quote:

Uuunnnggghhhh
don't give the money to that James Keller!!! I may be dead but I will not have that fool of a living man take my money! Do you now what kind of a funeral he gave me??? HE BURIED ME IN AN OLD GRAVEL PIT IS WHAT HE DID!!!! Not even a tomb stone! I shall haunt him for the rest of his days for that, and if you do not want me to haunt you too you shall help me get my revenge! As they say, revenge is a dish best served cold, which is just what I am!!!

Ford Prefect
From Beyond the Grave

P.S. The Afterlife is much overrated.

Let's see if he bites... Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Jan 2010 Posts: 36

This is just awesome. Hope your lad hasn't bailed on you. I eagerly await any updates.

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:03 pm

Just as I had thought up a great bait for this lad, he doesn't even bother to reply to me! Now I'm pissed! Evil or Very Mad

Has anyone gotten a reply from him?

Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 2:56 pm

He never got back to me either. A very lazy lad.

Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 8:24 am

Nor me, sorry Embarassed