Pointless Letters

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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:51 pm

Dear deer,

i dont not want to complain, but the use of strawberries in war was banned under article # of the geneva convention.

Strawberries have rights too.

Yours

A.N Outraged Citizen

(moon)

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 06 Mar 2012 Posts: 173

Dear Citizen Kumquot,

A strawberry in war is like a Michael Bay film one of the unfortunate facts of life that we have to put up.

There are plenty of innocent fruits in the world and they should sold in to slavery at the first opportunity as they are going to take over the world!

Nothing in the world can stop me now!

Yours in a dark room,

Lord Thunderbuck Ram,
Mott-the-Hoople

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:03 pm

4756 702,

5 6921 05863 462 1975 2858934.
463 792887, 2684 719 0456732!!!

7683,
19834

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:05 pm

Dear Zebra,

Aside from the backdoorishness of your soliloquy, I fear not the strawberry for I possess cartons of grape shot. Concord and golden. I say have at thee scoundrels! Villan thou art!

Scud Chaudry

Essex

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 06 Mar 2012 Posts: 173

Dear Mr Arsehat,

You know the office rules! No 15th Century Shakespearean doo-dahs before teatime!

May the yuletide logs slip from your fireplace and burn your house down.

Enid Upgas

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 4:01 pm

Dear Tsnerd,

The previous letter made uncouth remarks regarding Shakespearian doo-dahs and incorrectly put them as being 15th Century. Being a curator of curios I concede that those doo-dahs are 17th century in manufacture.

Additionally, the lurid and scandalous remarks about yuletide are abhorrant.

Vapidly yours,

Shalimar Devi

Destroyer of Worlds, RoD, KP

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:59 pm

04/27/2012
27/04/2012
04Apr2012
4a12

Dear Tsnerd:

Greetings! Too much shitfuckery.

Up Yours,

Sideways..DOA, RIP

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

Dear Post Master,

As of late, I have inexplicably been receiving either pointless letters or, in some cases, blind carbon copies of pointless letters.

Please stop.

I know that ultimately the blame lays squarely at the webbed toes of an incorrigible and unrepentant hooligan* who goes by the moniker Friday3.

Clearly, he never learned to count to 4.

I will have him banned, later.

Let this be your only notice.

Should I continue to receive these pointless letters I shall wrathfully call the wrathful wrath of Zoth-Ommog, He Who Traverses the Ocean Depths and Snorkels in the Bahamas and Enjoys a Nice Banana Daiquiri and Grooves to Music of the Bee-gees.

This wrath shall be brought down upon you and your children's children's children's children's......deep breath as you get the idea....children's toddler toys.

Bastard.

Signed,
TS

* (or possibly 'loiterer', if one were translate from a French-Belgian dictionary into English)

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 4:23 am

Dear me,

I cannot stand

the Abuse

anymore.

No means no,

Penis

Edit: @Bravo Indeed it does Sir. Well played... Laughing

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 4:24 am

X is a pointless letter.

Edit now that I deleated my previous post the post above makes less sense I would even say its pointless.

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 4:30 am

C is a bit redundant as well.

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 4:36 am

Actually the most pointless letter is Q not that Z is not pointless but not as pointless as letter Q. Yeah I'm pretty sure that's right...Or is it X? Why does it seem to be all the letters towards the end of the alphabet? I guess Z is not pointless on those rare occasions when reverse alphabetical order is utilized but who are we kidding that's just to make the pointless people feel better about themselves.

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:27 am

This is a pointless letter.

LETTER

So pointless, that it isn't even visible.

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 06 Mar 2012 Posts: 173

Badgerbait wrote:

Dear Tsnerd,

The previous letter made uncouth remarks regarding Shakespearian doo-dahs and incorrectly put them as being 15th Century. Being a curator of curios I concede that those doo-dahs are 17th century in manufacture.

Additionally, the lurid and scandalous remarks about yuletide are abhorrant.

Vapidly yours,

Shalimar Devi

Destroyer of Worlds, RoD, KP

Dear Gasbag Devi,

I think you should know that the selling of contraband doo-dahs was outlawed last week during a special sitting of the Grand High Order of the Suppository Thistle.

You are obviously a very poor curator of curios as the one in your possesion is a lousy fake cooked up by Francis Bacon using a hard boiled egg and the nasty bits of a walrus.

As for my comments about Yuletide, I stand by them (as they provide warmth).

With this letter you should receive an 18lb kipper, a tin of slime and patch of wasteground in Slough.

Yours in the cow shed,

Aloysius Arsebucket

Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 7:47 pm

Quote:

Dear Sir/Madam

Push to send Letters

Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 8:20 pm

Concerned,

After 2 hours of pushing said button, no results. I suspect fould deeds are at hand and would like a lurid explaination of this matter.

This is what happens when you take the entertainment away from children.

Vapidly,

Ruth Warrington

Dollis Hill

Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 11:30 pm

I've been pushing my button for about two hours now, no results.

Clam bake anyone?

Enter your swedish meatballs here.

Gene Krupa's nose!!

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 9:48 am

Dear Sir,

With regard to your suggestion of entering swedish meatballs, I must point out that such behaviour may offend and lead to social ostracism.

I once knew a man who entered his dog at Cruft's, and the resultant six-month sentence and tabloid hysteria utterly destroyed his life. His later attempts at a career as a pigeon fancier ended badly.

In the interests of justice, I will point out that the gentleman in question was not Major Bloodnok of the Third Armoured Thunderboxes.

Yours sincerely,
Will B Good
Youneeda Place
Wapping

Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:00 pm

Dear Sir/Madam/Sentient Being

MORNINGTON CRESCENT!

That is all.

Kris Kringle
Snowy Drive
North Pole

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 06 Mar 2012 Posts: 173

Yastreb wrote:

Dear Sir,

With regard to your suggestion of entering swedish meatballs, I must point out that such behaviour may offend and lead to social ostracism.

I once knew a man who entered his dog at Cruft's, and the resultant six-month sentence and tabloid hysteria utterly destroyed his life. His later attempts at a career as a pigeon fancier ended badly.

In the interests of justice, I will point out that the gentleman in question was not Major Bloodnok of the Third Armoured Thunderboxes.

Yours sincerely,
Will B Good
Youneeda Place
Wapping

Dear Good,

Social ostracism is a crime in many parts of the world and annoys the ostrich.

Your plan for pingeon fancying was good at first but the effect of using a catapult on an unarmoured pigeon resulted in the pigeon either looking very foolish or very dead and in most cases both.

Can I show you my picture of a sausage and 2 brussel sprouts?

Sir Fustington Grumbleweed
Letsbe Avenue
Much Trousers-Round-The-Ankles

Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 3:23 pm

Expensive Mr Grumbleweed.

What happened to Count de Monee after the affairs at Crufts and the pigeon lofts at Much-Binding-In-The-Marsh is on the public record and cassette and just to be released on the public CD.

It does not require a photograph of a British military dinner to further affect public appetites, which have yet to fully recover from the Great Tuscan Salami Scandal.

C.U. Later-Alligator,
23, Havetyore Way,
Death Grange, Slaughter Hill

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 06 Mar 2012 Posts: 173

Dear Mr/Mrs Alligator,

Owing to outbreak of knee trembling, the release of the CD has been delayed until the next outbreak of kipper squelching in Orkney.

I yearn for the days of Bunty Hufflepuff when she would jump on the stage dressed only in a pair of army blankets and couple of WW1 German helmets.

Did she ever trade her army blankets for 400 yams and a copy of the Queen in the nude?

Up Yours Sincerely,

Reverend Unseemly Cuckpowder,
48 Crapper Way
Bradford