The Johannesburg saga – in audio

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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:30 pm

I've been baiting a female South African scammer named Palisa Zama over the last few days. She's spent a good deal on phone calls to me and I've recorded the main ones. The story includes my character flying to South Africa, a lad waiting in vain at the airport for me, a planned meeting at my hotel which turns into a fiasco when she finds she's been waiting at the wrong hotel, an angry barrister and another failed meeting at a second hotel.

In some of the calls I use background sound effects, all sourced on-line, to add authenticity to the yarn and to make it that bit more believable for the scammers.

We'll skip all the preliminary emails and the first dozen or so phone calls from Palisa as these just set the scene. I'd already introduced the Chairman, Mr Gomer into the bait so Palisa knows he's lurking somewhere in the background.

The story opens with Palisa getting an unexpected call from Mr Gomer. I used my Mr Gomer Soundboard for this call, which I made using past clips of lads' calls to me. Feel free to use in any baits.

Mr Gomer phones Palisa
Click to listen

Palisa immediately phones my character, Luke Warm.
Click to listen

Palisa phones me and makes arrangements to meet at the airport. I make a halfhearted attempt at a photo
Click to listen

I send Palisa my flight schedule with an arrival time at Johannesburg airport on 8 March at 6:45 am. I have a few missed calls around the arrival time time but I phone her at around 09:00 am.
Click to listen

I ask Palisa to send the driver back to the airport.
Click to listen

We agree to to meet at the hotel. It had already been agreed that I would be staying at the Garden Court Hotel in Sandton.
Click to listen

Palisa calls me as I am getting a taxi
Click to listen

Palisa calls me while I am travelling in the taxi on my way to the hotel.
Click to listen

I have booked into the hotel and Palisa calls me while I'm in the shower
Click to listen

Palisa calls again but I'm still occupied in the bathroom. Very Happy

Click to listen

This time when she phones, I'm shaving while listening to the local radio station. She's insistent on getting my room number but there's no way I'm giving her that because of the danger of involving an ITP who may be occupying a room at the hotel. I tell her to use the SA redirect phone number I set up instead
Click to listen

I call Palisa from the hotel restaurant.
Click to listen

She phones me from the reception, a little irritated. We agree to meet in reception.
Click to listen

The receptionist tells Palisa that I'm not booked in there. I ask her which hotel is she at.
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Turns out it's the wrong hotel. I inform her that I'm at the Protea Hotel in Kempton Park.
Click to listen

I've now emailed her the directions, cut and pasted from Google maps directions, after making a few key alterations to the instructions. She phones back and I blame it all on her driver for not waiting for me at the airport. She gets irate over the phone number.
Click to listen

She becomes more insistent on getting my room number but I refuse that.
Click to listen

The Barrister phones me and he's not happy. Says his driver waited nearly two hours at the airport holding a sign with my name.
Click to listen

Palisa phones me and I complain about the lawyer. We arranged a meeting at the correct hotel in the bar, this time with 'her son' David.
Click to listen

David phones me from the hotel bar.
Click to listen

At this point I logged out of my Skype account for the evening and left David to stew.

It's the next day now (this morning) so I give Palisa a call. She's not happy and hangs up at first but I call her back. Maybe all is not lost and she agrees to another meeting.
Click to listen

The story continues….. maybe?

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:35 am

Straight out of the top draw TB. clapping

I love the way you stay so calm as the ladette gets more irate.

It really highlights the lad world of absolutes. Any deviation from their plan brings the whole house down. And they never bloody listen. Laughing

Looking forward to tomorrow. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:51 am

Oh Tiggie, how I've missed your phone work. You owe me a keyboard!!! And a hand please, I'm on the floor. Laughing

I'll hum "Postman Pat" while I await your assistance. Razz

419Eater is my life Joined: 07 Feb 2012 Posts: 438

Nice work!

Just listening to this now while drinking 12 year old scotch.

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:03 am

Wow, that was fun.. Thank you.

I listened to alot of your stuff when BluthBannana was doing Area419. I saw your post and jumped on it. Loved the you will die bit and that damned postman pat got stuck in my head more than once.

Now I'd love to see Area 419 and Bluth come back.

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:27 am

That's just brilliant! clapping

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:20 pm

Sure this is a ladette?
Reason i wonder is that "she" sound like a Smurf. I think there may be some kind of voice morph device involved.

Either way, good work. There is nothing like a nice agitated lad on the phone.

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:18 pm

Yes I thought that. Possibly a higher pitched version of her 'son' David. Notice the last angry call she said, 'I' waited for you at the hotel several times and then kind of realized it wasn't actually her there.

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 5:41 pm

@Astronomer, yes, Area419 was awesome. Tiggie's singing lads were a favorite of mine, and there were really great interviews, too (Rover, et al). I have podcasts of all of the shows and will sometimes fire one up while writing reports -- great motivation! Twisted Evil

@Tiggie, seriously, you are a master. The sound effects are brilliant.
bow_down

Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:48 am

Well done, well done indeed!

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 2:44 pm

@ TB

i wish i had your voice, mate!

very well played.

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