Bad Mother...

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Master Baiter Joined: 26 Mar 2011 Posts: 128

oh, I think in any way you deserve the one year trophy (is there one?).
It is great what you all did so far- cant really believe it.

I can just say thank you anyway. Razz

Love
Orange Rose

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:20 am

I don't wont this to die. I love this thread.

Try something. Maybe a shipping modality.

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:38 am

I don't want it to end either, but it's the one thing lads are actually in charge of... Embarassed

I live in hope

Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:03 pm

Ring out the bells! Let off the fireworks! Slaughter a goat! Actually don't do the last one but give thanks because Mike is back!!

It took a few pleading mails and the news that I'd got the doctor to give me his pin number with some gentle persuasion but he sends this:

Quote:

Thanks very much for your message sweetheart. I'm sorry to haven't responded quickly but i have been having network problems with my computer recently. I'm glad to have your e-mail and password, and to be able to use Dr Cr0tum's e-mail from there. I want you to know that I will try my best to be very careful and convincing while e-mailing the bank manager to sound like your doctor so he will agree to transfer all the money. I just want you to make sure Dr Cr0tum is tied down in your house and you must make sure he isn't able to move and also make sure nobody gets in the house. I'm glad to hear you got your Google account back and that you were able to use Dr Cr0tum's PIN and card to get money from the cashpoint.

What i want you to do now is? You will go and send the money to me by westernunion and i don't want you to make any mistakes. I tell it again, send it through western union and make sure you don't make any mistakesrbaby. I have to read some of the messages Dr Cr0tum had sent when you were in his hospital so that I can get a sense of how to convince the bank manager that i'm Dr Cr0tum so he will transfer all the money. I love you so much and want to let you know that Little Doughnut is extending her greetings to you... I want you to know that I will do everything to make sure you get all you own back... I will be waiting for your reply.. Take care my love

And do no forget that the information you will be sending the money to by the westernunion is, Name... .... Make sure you send me the details found in the westernunion slip after you must have sent it so that i can receive the money with it here and don't make any mistakes baby,

Your Mike XXX

Obviously Doughnut is ecstatic or is that excited to borderline deranged?

Quote:

My Mike My Mike my darling Mike my husband my love

Never never never leave me again like that do you hear I have been so worried I love you so much I cant think of living without you. I almost thought of untieing Dr Cr0tum and maybe giving him some crisps prawn cocktail flavour and a bounty so that he could regain some strength just so he could touch my breast buds again like he used to in his private doctors room but don't worry I wouldnt let him touch my daffodil because that belongs to you and if he tried to make me touch his dinkle again like when he came here on christmas day I would have dug my nails into it and then twisted them around and taken the endof his dinkle off - you know the mushroom bit - just like one of those corkscrews that takes off the foil on a bottle of wine in one easy circular motion...

my sweet sweet mike I'm so happy I will make sure to do everything right for you and Little Doughnut who I cant wait to see. Also you are so clever to read back the emails Dr Cr0tum sent so you will sound like him to the bank manager. I know you will do it brilliantly and he wont suspect a thing. Dont forget that if you need any extra information or want any more of Dr Cr0tums details I can just get them from him. He got used to me hitting him with the spatula - he even seemed to like it - he's such a naughty numpty. But I know he's afraid of the whisk.

I cant believe youre back I was so worried and afraid.

I love you Mike. I love you forever. NEVER GO AWAY AGAIN OR I WILL COMMIT TERRIBLE AND UNSPEAKABLE ACTS.

With all my sweet kisses to you and Little D.

Your Big D.

XXXXXXX

I can't wait to read Mike's emails impersonating the doctor. But in the meantime I think UK WUs probably have problems sending money to Nigeria at the moment don't they? Wink

Love Phil X

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Nice pickup Phil! The Dope Opera continues! clapping

Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 9:56 am

^ It sure does Next! Very Happy

MIke writes a nice long letter:

Quote:

I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to leave you like that ok, i was having network problems with my computer. I want you to always know that you're in my heart and i will never leave you and it would hurt me so much if you commit an unspeakable and terrible act baby, i'm sorry. I miss you so much and want you to know that you're always on my mind everyday baby, I believe you and I are made for eachother cuz from the start it has always been this way baby. And very soon we'll be man and wife and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you my darling sweetheart.

I don't want you to untie the doctor now until we are done with everything, and the information I need you to get for me from the doctor is his password to his e-mail address before i can message the bank manager about transferring all the money and I want you to do that in your next reply to me.

Baby I want to ask you, why haven't you sent the money i asked you? are you trying to upset me? I want us to be very fast with anything we're doing, Go and send the money by western union to the information i gave you and send me the details i will be needing to get the money here and I want you to do that today Ok?. Again, I am sorry to have got you afraid and worried, I want you to know that I love and will not leave you like that again.... Take care my love, I will be looking forward to your next message... Love you with all my heart.. Kisses to you from me and Little D..

Your Mike.
XXXX

I'm busy so he gets:

Quote:

That's ok darling. I forgive you.

Don't have too much time today I'm cooking a big Sunday dinner - roast beef, roast potatoes, yorkshire pudding, carrots, and some mashed swede and gravy and rhubabrb crumble and custard for afters - then I'm going to strip naked and eat it in front of Dr Crotum.

It makes him wild!

Love you XXXX

Guess he'll be mad I haven't mentioned the WU. Ah well…

Love Phil X

Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:11 pm

When is Hourglass day?

Enquiring minds want to know?

Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 9:05 am

That day would be Wednesday 1st February, Big Al. It's so close I can smell it and it tastes of victory! Very Happy

Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 1:26 pm

T-minus 9 days and counting.......

Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 1:55 pm

Thanks for saving me from yet another double post Big Al!

Here's Doughnut's latest missive to Mike. I went on a bit 'cos I was enjoying my lunch at the time. And the part about the WU address is true he gave me the headquarters of Capital radio with a Yates Wine Lodge underneath!:

Quote:

Hi baby darling! My wonderful wife : ) I am very happy today because I know I will be seeing you and Little D soon.

So here is all the latest news and things that happened.

The sight of me eating my dinner with the gravy running down between my breast-buds and big dollops of mashed potato covering my nip-naps was too much for who hasn't had anything but a packet of Skips and a Wagon Wheel to eat for a whole week.He totally cracked and told me everything I wanted to know and quite a few things I didn't.

The funny thing is that after all that and a few sessions with the whisk (which I won't be using to make the custard anymore) it turns out that his email address doesn't need a password you just switch over from my email to his. Don't ask me how it works because to me computers work by magic!! I'm just a silly numpty when it comes to technology. But he says the instructions are simple. Click on my name at the top and it will make something called a window open and in the window it says switch user and you click on that and then you are and you can send email as him and you don't even need a password!

He had to explain that to me three times which is why part of the whisk is missing now but it might come back out. At least that's what he hopes. And he should know because he's a doctor!!

Also I went to the WU to send you the money and when I gave them the address they asked me which part of the building was I sending the money to? So I told them it was my first time and I didn't know how to WU and they said was I sending the money to you at Bates or Yates or Waits or whatever it was wine house or was I sending it to you at crapital radio. I don't know because you never told me that part darling so I didn't want to send it wrong and you get angry or sad with me so I just came back and found trying to escape!! Even though he can hardly walk let alone sit down - so I''m never leaving him on his own again or going out of the house because I can't trust him. I'm going to stay here until you get all my money from the bank and then come and get me.

Let me know when you've emailed sweetheart. My daffodil is waiting.

Doughnut XXX

PS When you get here and we finally get to do naughty sex together would you prefer my daffodil to be hidden in the red forest or shall I get the kitchen scissors and make a clearing?

Hopefully that takes care of any demands to send cash. And I have a feeling that the bank transfer will involve some forms. And we know how much Mike likes forms!

Love Phil X

Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 3:35 pm

OMG, Too funny Phil.

Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 3:10 am

Well done Phil!!! Hopefully you'll get that sandtimer out of the lad yet! Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:13 am

^ Thanks guys! I think we'll make it. Scarily, Mike seems quite knowledgeable in the best way to keep a kidnapped person hostage:

Quote:

Hello sweetheart, I will make sure i get to message the bank manager as Dr Crotum. You said something about the doctor trying to escape, you must not let him go anywhere baby.. What you will do now is? You will tie his hands and legs to a strong chair, get his mouth taped so he can't say anything until you let him, and lock the door of the room so that you can go out and get the money sent and he won't move an each until you're back and you must not stay too close to him when you feel like talking to him and always make sure you check the ropes often.

I asked my friend and he told me to tell you to let western union WU know that Yates is better as it's very close, so you will have to tell WU that it's Yates and tell them they must not make any mistakes with the address and let them make sure the money is sent correctly and after that they will give you a slip containing the details i'll be needing to get the money here. You see baby? if you have to use a drug on the doctor to make him sleep off until you get back, then do it. I have to be there with you and i still haven't figured out how to send an e-mail to the bank manager without needing the doctor's password or do you want me to send the message to him from your google mail and claim to be the doctor? but i don't think it would work that way baby, i have to do this intelligently and patiently.

You can't tell me you will not leave the house because you don't trust the doctor, you will have to lock him inside the room so there will be no way out for him until me and you are together.

I would prefer you get the kitchen scissors and make a clearing (smiles). I love you and want you to get it all done and give me a good news in your next message.. Take care my love

Your Wonderful wife,
Mike. XXX

Well, I'm off to give Doughnut a homemade Brazilian and think of a suitable reply but whether it will be "good news" is doubtful.

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:56 pm

T-minus 8 and counting.....

Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:30 pm

Bless you Big Al! Very Happy

Ok. Here's my reply. I think it's on the borderline of believable:

Quote:

Hello my lovely sexy wife!! : )

Thank you for the advice about tying up the doctor, darling. Your suggestions really helped. Now he is sitting on the floor with his arms and legs tied to a chair placed in front of him he can only move around by dragging his sore bottom along the ground. He looks like a dog with worms!! : ) So funny.

I've run out of tape so I've stuffed a pair of my old sloggis in his mouth. Well, part of them. I haven't got any drugs to make him sleepy though so what do you suggest? I certainly won't leave the house without him being unconscious or something. Unfortunately there aren't any door in the house that lock - only the bathroom. But then I would be inside the bathroom with him so I don't really see what thew point of that would be.

I'll wait for your advice before I do anything else. I am so glad you are in control because I'm all over the place at the moment and really need your strong guidance.

I made the doctor cry this morning because he kept saying you didn't need a password to send pretend emails from him. Obviously he was lying because you say you need a password. After 2 hours of humiliating him with the spatula and hurting him with little corn on the cob spikes which are shaped like little corn on the cobsand squashing his head between my breast-buds (which I didn't enjoy) so he was suffocating, I made him send you some instructions. Anyway he will now tell you what to do because I don't understand it.

daer mr conor pls escuse my typing as im only using my nos. pls 4 the luv of god do as donut says and snd an email 2 her bank im not lying u dont need a passwrd. log in to elenas gmail with name n passwrd she gave u, click on top where it says elena when window open u will see it says at bottm of window switch account lick on that and it will take u 2 my accont and everyone u ever send emails 2 will think u r me becos it will say so i must go now i think im about 2 pass an egg whisk

Hello it's me again!! I hope you understand all that darling. Please hurry up and start getting my money for me from Mr Amage. Thank you darling I won't do anything silly until I know you have learned how to send the email.

I Love you. Doughnut. XXX

PS Is Little D ok? She's being very quiet. I would like to hear from her soon.

I then sent him another - as he'd been kind enough to mention it:

Quote:

Oh Mike! Silly me!! I'm so excited about you I forgot about what you wanted me to do with my daffodil. Or should I say YOUR daffodil? : )

I will clear away all the red curly trees and bushes and make a nice strip for you to land your big pink airplane on.

Then if you're lucky - you can park it in my vast hangar.

Bye Baby XXX

Come on Team Mike! It's not implausible that I'm holding my psychotherapist hostage and torturing him with kitchen utensils! Big Al's giving you a drum roll…

Love Phil X

Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:19 am

Chant:

Team Mike,....Team Mike, ....Team Mike.

Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 4:31 am

I'm with Big Al on this one: Team Mike, Team Mike Team Mike.

And remember there are countries ten hours ahead of you that have the day start earlier than in the UK. Wink

T-Minus seven and a half days and counting!!!

Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:54 am

^^ I'm sure Team Mike appreciates the support you're giving them for wasting almost a year of their time but what's this? OH NO! You may both be cheering but after running practically the whole length of the pitch/field Team Mike is starting to tire even though the goal is in sight:

Quote:

What is wrong with you Doughnut? What do you take me for? Have you been playing with me or what? You don't seem to be taking me seriously. I'm trying to help you but you're not helping me, you don't take my needs seriously at all.. Do you want me to stop messaging you??

I asked you to go and send money and I gave you informations by WU, you told me you got to WU and they asked if it's Yates or Bates and i told you Yates. I was expecting that you would have sent the money by now so that we can get things done quickly but you're here telling me what's not. Can i not rely on you anymore? or are you playing with me and Little D's heart?

How do you expect to hear from your daughter when you have never taken her needs seriously? You have money, you have everything and yet you can't help with just 1,500 euros which i've been asking you for a long time but you keep giving me excuses. If you really love me then show it and help me with the money as you have promised and do it as fast as possible cuz i'm not happy with you at all... Bye

Ooo. He does sound kind of pissed off. I better make things better:

Quote:

Mike.

You really upset me. I have been crying and crying. I hate it when you shout at me and say nasty things. I get so nervous about doing things for you because I always seem to get them wrong and you're never satisfied.

I'm only a woman!! I have very delicate feelings and you make be all agitated because I only want to please you but you don't seem to understand. I'm frightened, I'm lonely and I have kidnapped my doctor. I am now a criminal. I could go to prison, Mike! And why? For YOU. FOR YOU, MIKE! Because I love you and I love Little Doughnut and because I would do anything for you but you keep treating me like your piggy bank.

I have all the money in my account and all you have to do is send an email and it would all be sorted and yet you still want me to go out the house when I am scared to? All I said was I don't have any pills to make sleepy and what should I do because I don't want to leave the house with him still awake and you don't even help me. Just WU, WU, WU. I am trusting you with my money and MY LIFE! You're not happy with me? Not happy? I would DIE for you Mike. I would DIE. Maybe that's what I should do. Just let go and then kill myself. Would you be happy then?

Bye to you too.

So a bit of whining, a bit of playing to his ego and some calling his bluff. Just a bit of effort needed for the final push...

Love Phil X

Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 2:55 pm

Team Mike can do this...................

T-minus 7 days and still on the clock.

(Or 168 hours +/- if you prefer)

Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 2:34 pm

No update yet but I'll go on faith.

T-minus 6 days (144 hours) and counting.

Go Team Mike!!

Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:59 am

It was a bit of a stand-off Big Al and admittedly I cracked first but it was only a message last night saying "I'm going to bed now. Goodnight x"

Mike sends this:

Quote:

Sweetheart i think you have some money with you? sent it to me first and let me be alright hot happy with you at all..Change your Password to ilovemikeXXXX

Still in love with you but not happy with you sweetheart.

Your lovely wife mike

I reply:

Quote:

My darling I'm sorry we had an argument. You are the most important thing in my life. I'm still in love with you too. I do have money left here. I've spent some on home delivery takeaways pizzas and curries mainly but there is a bit left. What should I do to because I don't have any pills? I need your advice and I will change my password to what you say because it's true! I do love you very much!

I'll wait for your reply.

Your Doughnut XX

Of course the problem is Doughnut's not very technical. She already lost one email address by poking at the buttons but why does he want her to change the password anyway? Is Mike up to something?

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 1:28 pm

LOL, The drama of it all.....

T-minus 5 days and still in the hunt.

Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:53 pm

Mike logged into Doughnut's gmail at 6.37am this morning an early start for Team Mike which gave me a nice accurate ISP

197.255.167.124

...and tut tut - near a kid's primary school!

So Mike's already used the existing password - maybe he just wants something easier to remember. As it incorporates Little D's name I can imagine Lad 1 sitting down to his desk:

Lad 1: Hissssss...Wat is passwerd fo dis maga accont?
Lad 2: Shhhhh..Oga alredy tol u
Lad 1: i forget
Lad 2: ask him
Lad 1: am afrid
Lad 2: hard goat titties i am busy. mr gomor has chop my dolla agin
Lad 1: Mr Chairman, sir i have a queston sir.
Oga: It better not be about password for maga donut gmail.
Lad 1: No.
Oga: Okay. What is question small boi.
Lad 1: Wat is teh name of our daugter?
Oga: Ohmigod please help me in jesus name.

Looks like we're almost there. Can't see Team Mike blowing it now Very Happy

Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:20 pm

First, let me say I have enjoyed this thread entirely too much. ... but this was way over the top

Quote:

I would have dug my nails into it and then twisted them around and taken the endof his dinkle off - you know the mushroom bit - just like one of those corkscrews that takes off the foil on a bottle of wine in one easy circular motion...

I'm not a guy & I winced. (although i have learned to not drink/eat near keyboard when reading this particular thread...) Kudos for tenacity. And thanks for sharing. bow_down

to your creativity.

Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 2:32 pm

4.............

C'mon team Mike!!!