Farida Waziri stops making sense

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Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 10:23 pm

Here's something you might not have known; Farida Waziri, having been sacked from the head of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) in Nigeria, has been appointed to the exact same job in Benin... and reading the message Cammy received, you have to wonder about their selection procedures.

I've highlighted a few bits that had me either chuckling or frowning in bafflement; the other howlers are left as an exercise for the reader.

Quote:

your e mail has been receiver and in order to let you know that is our office is not a scam because if you are reel one that got this your funds try and go ahead and send the deliver charges today to enable the e mail post office proceed on your deliver to you because the Agent John William have com back to Benin republic with your funds due the delay you mend and now the documents have chi feted in our office hear Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri (New Chairman EFCC IN BENIN RIPUBELIC we want you to fool my instruction to enable you receiver your funds with out any further delay,
Note that why I present my self for on your behalf is to make sure that I will tamp the document in order to post office member to delver your A T M VISA CARD true your e mail box address with out any stop other or any delay Again and if you are disobey to fool this our instruction hear from Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri (New Chairman EFCC IN BENIN it will also make you to been with the rug people ok because this your funds is chi feted by the Agent John Williams and INTARPOL COMND office and FBI hear is awe also with the DIRETOR OF THE D H L COURIER COMPANY, is awe of this your A T M VISA CARD Amount of $4.5million to make sure that deliver get to you and every office hear in Benin cuckold to you receiver your A T M VISA CARD true e mail post office in Benin hear once I sing the document for your on behalf as Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri (New Chairman EFCC IN BENIN,
Because you know that the sing of the document and stamp it is hold them since to not deliver your funds to you so if you want to receiver your funds now true e mail post office with out any more delay Again go ahead and send the post office deliver charges wish is sum of $150usd today because I will stamp the document and sing it for on your behalf because you know that the documents has been obtain by the D H L COURIER COMPANY in order for you to receiver your A T M VISA CARD okay;
And I want you to know that your funds is not in Nigeria to avider you not stile be in to a rug people so if you are reel want to receiver this your A T M VISA CARD mend to deliver true post office to your e mail box address with out any further delay go ahead and send the deliver charges of the post mail office wish is sum $150usd today and once you send it today reconfirm your e mail box address so that you will got your A T M VISA CARD into your e mail box on Sunday even or Monday mooing okay try to understand and God Bells ..
Your full name......
Countries locate........
Home e mail box address...........
Telephone................
And you are advice to send the processing fee today with the manager information below
[-- snip -- ]
Because the Agent john William who left before to deliver the A T M VISA CARD to your home address he is back to Africa since and now we want you to fool up with our instruction so that you can enable to receiver your A T M VISA CARD to your e mail box address true post office e mail box that is will get don to you to receiver your A T M VISA CARD with out any more delay or any stop order that is why you parfait you to receiver it true post mail box because what you go true before is what make to no receiver your A T M VISA CARD yet ,
So now it only Custer you $150usd as I told you and it will take the post office two days deliver it to your home e mail box address as soon as you fool up to send them the needed fee wish is $150usd if you are the Benefactor of the A T M VISA CARD kindly get back to us in order to dirt you how to contact post office so that them will deliver your A T M VISA CARD to you and remember that only fee you will send to them is $150usd to enable them chi feted your A T M VISA CARD to your e mail box on two days that is where it will be don to you as soon as you fool up,
Thanks you and God bells For the New Year,

De-educated, or just plain stupid?

Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:23 pm

This makes even less sense than the irrelevant unknown paraboloid!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 11 Jan 2012 Posts: 61

Sounds like something someone on an acid trip would say. NOT speaking from any experience, mind you.

*giggles* at "in order to dirt you". Exactly how does one dirt someone?

This is just too funny.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 30 Oct 2011 Posts: 66

And I want you to know that your funds is not in Nigeria to avider you not stile be in to a rug people

Translation please.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 11 Jan 2012 Posts: 61

2ND Amendment wrote:

And I want you to know that your funds is not in Nigeria to avider you not stile be in to a rug people

Translation please.

I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Your money is not in Nigeria. ( well we get that much )
avide = avoid (maybe)
stile = still (maybe)
rug people = rogue people (maybe)

Ok. my head hurts. someone else take over.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 30 Oct 2011 Posts: 66

Back in the 60's one hit of mescaline and I'd have it down pat.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 12:40 am

I blankly refuse to believe that this lad have ever managed to scam a single cent from anyone. He goes around in circles trying to explain that you should send him the $150, none of then very understandable.

But i have to say my favorite part is:

Quote:

our office is not a scam because if you are reel one that got this your funds try and go ahead and send the deliver charges today

Now if i am correct, which i am far from sure i am since he write like a retarded chimpanzee, he says that by sending money to him it will prove that he is not a scammer. His logic is somewhat flawed to say the least.

Now to your question Yastreb, definitely plain stupid. But i think that he goes beyond a description like that. We have to invent new words to describe it.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 12:57 am

Quote:

surprise is no longer adequate and he is forced to resort to astonishment

~ Douglas Adams

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 1:04 am

2ND Amendment wrote:

Back in the 60's one hit of mescaline and I'd have it down pat.

^^^Yes. Where HAS the mesc gone?

Not quite a Newb Joined: 30 Oct 2011 Posts: 66

[quote="psychicbait"]

2ND Amendment wrote:

Back in the 60's one hit of mescaline and I'd have it down pat.

^^^

Quote:

Yes. Where HAS the mesc gone?[/quote

]

Don't know but I sure miss it.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 2:47 am

My diagnostic: plain stupid!

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 3:16 am

Quote:

Thanks you and God bells For the New Year

Hell's bells for this lad !

Where the hell did you find this one? Laughing

Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:45 pm

Tell him to put the crack pipe down and try again... Laughing

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 12:06 am

Yastreb, I'll see your stupid lad and raise you some utter gibberish. Wink

Quote:

from:
to
date: Sat, Jan 14, 2012 at 3:55 AM
subject: UPS MANAGER REPORT

Dear Sir
I am reporting on the behalf of Mr. A Flockhart . Once again I' Mr. a subsidiary branch manager UPS LTD. Accra Ghana..

Herein want to quickly enable you know of our standard operation in the West Africa, Meanwhile it comes to an emergency happen to see Mr. yesterday in our office' and what so surprise us are not more than a certain questioned requesting from our branches Authorities.

He said 51,000 lbs of the truck are seems to be too heavy to cross the weak bridge' Anyway we never argue on this. but previously a certain freight car was sent for an emergency of this movement.

Sir, we want you now to take a full notice regarding on this legitimate delivering' as he also happen you' not rather to have a problem with our postage Authority as well noted.

As matter of fact' you have to understand West Africa and European operation are on a higher technical contact, we cannot do other-wise by breaking the rules of our higher department UPS (UK). Sir, this is our last explanation on how we have to delivered your item on a safety level.

in-resulting to this delivering, your item have to get to United Kingdom and to be kept 'first' in our head office. before our higher staff operation service have to take a notice of it' and with a special security monitors and all documentation to be followed before this item can be taking to the necessary destination with the current address given below.

, This is our vital procedures, so we promise using the freight car to delivered your item under three cars movement by the UPS (UK). Authorization. Upon this we have work long time far away in a item like this. also long time ago' internet scam in the world global today previously once enable this UPS office Accra Branch facing some panel problem long time year ago. and i think we have also solve this problem long time too.

So all this while, we are very much careful with any kind of package made to us for a special delivering update. we do also want you to know that' the given price sum of $267,000 dollars are not for delivering the item alone, but we have to get and meet with different offices seeking a documentation that will be used to backdated this business progress without any fair of lost. We once ensure and reassured you that' your licensed Customs Broker services for all your imports and complete export clearances. Furthermore UNI International offers complete customs brokerage services throughout the world. With highly experience individually licensed customs brokers, UNI International is recognized to represent importers before federal and national customs agencies.

Our other value-added services include pre-shipment inspections at point of origin, preparation and tracking of documentation, temporary import bonds and duty drawback management. We provide special handing for fine arts, antiques, kindly feel safety to with this UPS company and to enable them remitted your item smoothly. no matter what being charges from our higher Authorities UPS (UK).

We happy to hear from you again' and enable us know when you are to get back for your next procession.
Thank you.
Warmest Regards

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 12:30 am

$267,000 to get three cars over a weak bridge. I think that is a bit steep.

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:05 am

^^^^^
Indeed, one of the more ridiculous fees I've been handed. Smile

Still, 3 cars are better than a 51,000lb 'freight car' that the lad originally suggested here:
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1787890#1787890

Hey-ho.
Rolling Eyes

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:17 am

It seems to me like the first lad is using a spell checker - notice how all words are correctly spelled, even if they don't make sense in the context. Either his spell checker changes the badly written words automatically, or the lad does so himself without having any idea of what he's writing. Either way, the result is hilarious, and I wish more lads will start using spell checkers! Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 12:11 pm

^I'm still wondering what "chi feted" means.

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 4:55 pm

^^^ Coveted Question

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 669

I believe "chi feted" refers to "feta cheese" and in the context of the paragraph which lacks punctuation, it makes perfect sense.

Quote:

...because the Agent John William have com back to Benin republic with your funds due the delay you mend and now the documents have feta cheese in our office hear Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri...

Quote:

...it will also make you to been with the rug people ok because this your funds is feta cheese by the Agent John Williams and INTARPOL COMND office and FBI hear is awe...

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