Hit Lad Overload

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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 2:24 pm

There must have been some success somewhere in Ladland with a hitlad script because it is monkey see, monkey do as I have received over 8 different hitlads in the past few days. Three basic scripts with each having his own creative bad ass name inserted....they start of tough and then finish off basically begging me to send something...anything but a jelly of the month club certificate. And so the story begins with Ward Cleaver minding his own business after having registered a while back with F0nda C0x guestbook and now is suddenly having his email account flooded with all manner of BS.

Hello...
How are you?Am here to inform you that your friend paid us to kill
you...So your life is really needed to kill..My boys are really watching
all the full step you make..They really want to kill you....but i see
you as a nice person Since last week we started watching you.....you
deserve to live longer..that why am informing you..but i don't want you
to inform the police because We will kill you before you get there.So
all i need you to do now is to co-operate with me and your life will be
save...And if you corporate with me i will send you the full details and
pictures of your friend that ask us to kill you....i need the sum of
$5,000usd.....to save your life. so know delay..because delay is
dangerous....

1). SO WILL YOU CO-OPERATE WITH ME OR NOT?
2). WILL YOU PAY THE MONEY OR NOT?
Awaiting your respond.Remember i dont delay in my mission....
No delay.
Regards

From: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
To: CYRIL CYRIL <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, 17 December 2011, 3:22
Subject: Re: your cooperation neededDear Mr. Cyril Cyril

As I read your threatening email I am overcome with abject and total
fear for my life. I am fairly beside myself right this minute and even
my wife just remarked that I looked like I was beside myself almost as
if there were two of me. I fully agree to cooperate with you and I
will pay, you can rest assured that I can and will pay in ways you could
not even imagine and I fully imagine you will not appreciate. I see
that you have assigned some of your boys to watch me and I must inform
you that I have two doctors appointments this afternoon, one for an
irreversable irritable bowel syndrome issue I have been dealing with
lately. I will be consulting with Bay County's preeminent homeopathic
freelance proctologist and full contact gastrointerologist and I cannot
be late or I will have to wait another month before finding out the
final diagnosis and receiving my care plan. The other is with an
optometrist specializing in "optical rectumism", a condition where the
my occular nerves have become entangled with the nerves of my lower GI
tract at the nerve bundle branch and are chafing which has lead to an
overall crappy outlook on life but I am managing just fine with proper
medication. Please, have your boys stand down, repeat, stand down as I
am not going to the police.

I will require contact information and address so that I can immediatley
effect payment to you so if it pleases you I would like for you to get
me that information and quickly so as I long to put this most negative
episode of my life behind me. So again to answer your question. I will
cooperate and I will pay. I want to thank you for allowing me this
golden opportunity to redeem my life at your hand and in keeping with
the holiday season want to wish you and yours a festive and happy
Kwanzaa and a rousing good Festivus for the rest of us.

My regards to your dear mother and word to her and to your sister.

Sincerely

Ward Cleaver

On Fri, Dec 16, 2011, at 07:47 PM, CYRIL CYRIL wrote:
Hello...
So what you need to do now to save your self.Is to go to the bank to pay me the money i requested through Western Union.....With this name and amount....

PAYMENT METHOD : WESTERN UNION
COUNTRY:UNITED KINGDOM
MR HENRY STEPHEN $2000
MR JOHN SAM $2000
MR MICHEAL SMITH $2000
Just go to the bank and make the Payment now.you have 48hours to do that...
As soon as we get the payment MTCN confirmation I shall send you the pictures and the information of your friend that want you dead...
Awaiting the payment MTCN
No delay.
Regards

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Ward Cleaver <xxxxxxxxxxxxxx.net>
To: CYRIL CYRIL <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, 17 December 2011, 4:24
Subject: Re: your cooperation needed
Dear Cyril Cyril

Thanks so much for your prompt response. In dealing with you I am reminded of the lowly dung beetle or scarab beetle as the ancient Egyptians referred to it. Amazing that these creatures spend their entire lives rolling around in, living in and eating dung and yet they were revered and venerated by the ancients which in contrast to yourself rolling around in, living in and eating dung are not revered nor venerated.

As for payment, I shall gladly send each of the fellows you mention something even better than money. I have chosen as my payment, the Jelly of the Month Club, 12 month certificate also known as the gift that keeps on giving all year long. I am only happy to do so and will point out that even though it is not cash money, it is edible and you will get a new flavor each and every month. I do hope your boys enjoy the jelly and do be reminded that it is good to refrigerate after opening. I am going to attach each of the men's certificate to this mail and trust that you will get them to the proper and rightful owner. Remember to redeem the certificate at trannystation.com

Admin edit: I have disabled the link. Beware if you visit the site as it is NSFW - Slightly

It has been a real pleasure doing business with you and I hope that we can meet sometime and you can introduce me to your mother and your sister and hopefully we can become friends and the two ladies will join me in the tool shed for some hot monkey love.

Please check the spelling on the certificates to make sure I got the names correct.

All the best.

Ward Cleaver

P.S. Great news from the doctor, I can hold on for weeks with this irritable bowel syndrome under proper medication and with proper lenses the optical rectumism is almost correctable.

On Sat, Dec 17, 2011, at 01:29 PM, CYRIL CYRIL wrote:
Hello....

I saw all your nosiness..Am not after that...Do you want your life or not?,,,

When are my getting my payment?..

Always remember i hate Delays.......After sending my money you can say what every you want to say...........

Go to the bank and make my payment now because i dont have time to waste...All time is for mission.

Re:WILL YOU SEND MY MONEY OR NOT?
From:"Ward Cleaver" <[email protected]>
To:"CYRIL CYRIL" <[email protected]> [Add]
Date:Sat, 17 Dec 2011 5:57 AM (4 minutes 56 seconds ago)
View as text - Show Raw MessageShow full header
Dear Cyril Cyril

I thought we were straight on this. I purchased three Jelly of the Month Club Certificates for the three men you listed as "payees", thinking that was a far better gift than mere cash money. Tell you what I'm going to do. I want each of you to return the Jelly of The Month Club Certificates back to me unused so I can redeem them for cash and I'll go ahead and send you the money but be advised until I get the Jelly of the Month Club Certificates back I cannot do anything. Its not me, its company policy and my hands are tied. So, I am expecting an unused and unredeemed Jelly of the Month Club Certificate from the following, Mr. Henry Stephen, John Sam and Micheal Smith. If one of those fellows has already registered the certificate then thats his lot to recieve Jelly of the Month and no cash. Repeat "NO" cash. Well my Cyril Cyril, the ball is squarely in your court and it is your play. Step up like the dung beetle that you are and roll that baby across the line.

Sincerely

Ward Cleaver, your victim!

Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 2:57 pm

On Sun, Dec 18, 2011, at 07:05 AM, CYRIL CYRIL wrote:
OKay then....Let watch out....And see who is smarter.

On Sun, Dec 18, 2011, at 02:03 AM, Ward Cleaver wrote:
Dear Cyril Cyril

Did you know that your name spelled backwards is liryc....and it doesn't make any fucking sense that way either. I am forwarding by BCC this string of conversations we've had over the past few days to several other people just so others can enjoy seeing what a stupid idiot you really are and will be sending CC copy to all the other wonderful hit men that have contacted me over the past week or so just so they can feel good about themselves in knowing that a far bigger oaf than themselves lurks about in the bushes. Like I said before, all the other hit men that have threatened me this week have realized when they got their "Jelly of the Month Club" certificate that the game was pretty much over but you Mr. Cyril Cyril have proven the be not only the most persistent monkey in the tree but the most foolish. This question is in no wise rhetorical in nature and begs to be asked and answered; how in the hell can one man be this fucking stupid unless he was trained by professionals or gifted by extraterrestrials in some sort of mind meld experiment? You sir have consistently proven that you are the king of the oafs and the very leader among village idiots of your great continent. You are the village idiots...idiot! The quintessential oaf that is by very definition "THE OAF" and used as the commonly recognized example of an oaf in the dictionary.

Its been interesting dealing with you. I'm sure your mother must be proud of your career choice. My regards to the Hausa goat fucking bitch. Do stay in touch and keep me posted as to how the fuck your life is going because I am concerned about anyone as inept and incapable as yourself and history has proven time and again that your lot most always meets their end doing something stupid. I can't wait to read about it.

Love always

Ward Cleaver....father of the Beaver

P.S. Okay, boys in the brotherhood of professional hit men that have contacted me over the past week, Songo H. Killer, Jeffery Kenvin, Chidy, Saad and Don, rejoice in knowing you are not the biggest "MORONS" on the planet. Mr. Cyril Cyril has taken the lead position and is now recognized by the United Nations as the world's biggest moron and can claim some sort of exemption on his taxes this year for being a certified moron. Ban Ki Moon will be hosting a banquet to honor the "KING OF MORONS" Mr. Cyril Cyril at the United Nations Headquarters in New York on January 12th at 7:00PM. You are all cordially invited to attend and Mr. Jeffery Kenvin, since you are the most articulate of the bunch will be asked to toast this years winner and give a short speech about your colleague Mr. Cyril Cyril. I am asking that you all try to maintain a level of decorum appropriate to the occasion and to keep the gathering as professional and upbeat as can be expected of a gathering of small penised prehensiled tail tree dwelling scumbags that were hatched from their mothers pooh on a hot rock. Men, its been fun but I must be about the business of saving the world and cannot bear to waste another moment on low life lizard licking four flushing shit eating pig fucking camel penis sucking sons of bitches such as yourselves. Now go. Enjoy and know that you've each given it your very best and after having been weighed in the balances have been found lacking and woefully so.

CC. Songo H. Killer
CC. Jeffrey Kenvin
CC. Saad Abu Bakar
CC. Chidy
CC. Don Kpeffy
--
Ward Cleaver

Not quite a Newb Joined: 29 Nov 2011 Posts: 35

Ah, so that's why Jeffrey Kenvin aka Chidy is so desperate for me to send money by Western Union. He needs plane fare so he can make his appearance as keynote speaker at the UN.

Remain Bless!

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 11:07 pm

"optical rectumism"...that is freakin priceless

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 11:58 pm

I would guess that some lads need money before christmas and the cheapest scripts on the market are the hitlad formats...

My last dollar chop wrote this to my chopper:

Quote:

guy
pls what do u want from me, i never collect dis year, i pray butthat God will provide for u guy pls leave my job alone, i want to collect another money,
i know u send something come my system, i know what do do, i will have to talk to my maga on phone, pls guy leave my JOB, God willl send u ur pls guy

these are the guys that going to buy hitlad scripts...

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 8:38 am

I dunno what it is about hitlads that have suddenly become so popular with lads. I'm baiting the guy (who just calls himself "hit man"), I found in Surplus!

I can't find anyone else writing to him:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=212547

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 11:02 am

Yep, really crazy. Seems as every eater-baiter is writing to hit lads before christmas.
At least we make sure that this format is going to die again.

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 11:08 am

I got a hit lad script in my catcher today from a lad calling himself Charles Soludo Rolling Eyes

Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 3:29 pm

Is anyone still in contact with Jeffrey Kenvin (aka Chidy)?

I was until a week ago when his 'chidy28' gmail bounced back to me.

Pity if he's gone forever as I had some good news for him Wink