Poor debt collection scammer

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Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jun 2011 Posts: 1066

You mention them on this forum and they call you. Some poor bastard in India made the mistake of calling me and Mr. BearSeason this morning and left a voicemail saying he was from a law firm seeking to collect on an unpaid loan. We've been getting these calls on and off for about a year. Up until now, we've just ignored them but, this time, we decided, "Fuck it, let's have some fun." So, we called him back on my Google Voice account. Unfortunately, the record function on my computer only picked up my voice, so I'll just transcribe the call from what I have, plus memory. Enjoy!

BearSeason: Hello, I was told to call this number.
Asshole Scammer: Yes?
BS: I was told to call this number.
AS: What is your name ma'am?
BS: Who is this?
AS: This is [Generic Law Firm Name I Can't Remember]. I am an attorney-
BS: An attorney?!
AS: Yes, ma'am I am an attoney-
BS: What attorney?!
AS: Ma'am, I am an attorney-
BS: WHAT ATTORNEY?!
Mr.BS: TRACE THE CALL!
AS: Ma'am, what is your reason for calling?
BS: You called this number.
AS: Ma'am, what is your name?
Mr.BS: Get the Captain, NOW!
BS: Who is this?!
AS: My name is [inaudible].
BS: What?!
AS: My name is Kevin Hoffman.
BS: Kevin Hoffman... He's says his name's Kevin Hoffman...
Mr.BS: Run the name Kevin Hoffman!
AS: Ma'am what is going on?
BS: I'm asking the questions, pal!
Mr.BS: HE'S OUR GUY!
BS: ARE YOU SURE?!
Mr.BS: See for yourself!
BS: Sir, are you aware that you called a police station?
AS: [pause] Ma'am what is your name?
BS: And are you aware that you are the prime suspect in a series of murders in this jurisdiction?
AS: [long pause] Ma'am can you tell me you name?
BS: What kind of murderer calls a police station?
AS: This is a law firm.
BS: What kind of murderer works at a law firm?!

CLICK!

ETA: He just left the exact same message on the voicemail again, so I called him back and just meowed repeatedly. It didn't take nearly as long for him to hang up this time!

ETA (Again): And his phone number just got e-mailed to about a thousand guymen. Oops! Embarassed

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jun 2011 Posts: 1066

Got another message on the voicemail from my new bff, today. This time, I decided to call back after-hours so I would get his voicemail. I read the first chapter of Pride and Prejudice to him. I hope it's one of those voicemail systems that makes you wait until the end of the message before you can delete it. I figure, I can do one chapter for each message he leaves. Maybe we'll get through the entire book.

Then I sent out this mass-ASEM:

Quote:

I have the $1,250 you need to sign the documentation over to me so that I can be named the next of kin to Mr. Julian XXXX. I just need to know where to send it. I will be away from my desk all day, tomorrow, so I won't be able to check my e-mail. However, if you call my office, my personal assistant will get the details from you and forward them to me. He speaks with a heavy Indian accent and can be difficult to understand sometimes so you may have to repeat yourself several times. The number is 202-XXX-XXXX. Make sure you call during our business hours, 8am-5pm EST. If you get our voicemail, leave a message and my assistant will get back to you. Thank you very much for choosing me to work with you on this.

Happy holidays, you scamming, theiving asshole. Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 2:49 pm

Doesn't pay to piss you off!!!

Pride and Prejudice! Between that and meowing they must think they are dealing with a crazy person! Love it!

Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 10:32 pm

Save your voice. Go to Project Gutenberg and pick up a nice audio book. A Little Princess is a good start for a shorter one. Les Miserables is a longer one. Get all the chapters and play them in or out of sequence.

If you want Pride and Prejudice, it is in the catalog. http://librivox.org/pride-and-prejudice-by-jane-austen/

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jun 2011 Posts: 1066

^^ Meh, I'm ok with reading it myself. I love P&P. It's one of my favorite books. The opportunity to read it to someone, even a low-life scamming piece of shit, is like relaxation therapy.

@Morgain: To quote Family Guy, "I didn't start this war but IT'S ON!"

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jun 2011 Posts: 1066

Another day, another message from our Indian lawyer friend. He says since we haven't called him back (hehe), he's now "downloading" a warrent for our arrest.

I didn't feel like being particularly creative this time, so I just turned the speakers on my computer all the way up and played a wav file of an air horn into the phone. Crude, I know. I'll make up for it tonight with chapter 2 of P&P.

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 1:18 am

^^^ I have a link to a soundboard with lots of airport and airplane sounds. Turn that up!

http://www.soundboard.com/sb/Airport_sounds.aspx

Just pull up the link and play one of the sounds LOUDLY. And you can play one right after the other. No need to pay 99 cents for it.

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jun 2011 Posts: 1066

Swert! Thanks! This guy probably really hates me by now. Or he would if he only knew who the hell I was.

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 7:38 am

Oh Dear Lord I'm Laughing so hard at this! Sorry to necro. Hell no I'm not! I have a bill collector demanding payments on a set of encyclopedias I never bought! I've tried logic, reason, now I'm trying reading to them!
I'll say I will listen to them if they hear me out completely.

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