Corporate Law is such a PAIN!!!

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 08 May 2009 Posts: 26

INTRODUCTION
The following is the actual email exchange between myself and a Nigerian “419” scammer who called himself “Chris Turner”. The scam works like this: the scammer targets attorneys and poses as a client who wants to collect from a customer who owes money. Once the attorney agrees to do the case on a contingency (usually at a rate higher than the standard contingency rate), the “client” sends the contact information so the attorney can send a demand letter to the debtor. The debtor, of course, is the same scammer under a different name who settles the case right away and sends a check to the attorney. The attorney then deposits the check, withdraws his retainer amount, and then forwards the rest on to his “client”, paying from his trust account. The check from the customer is a fake, of course, but by the time the attorney learns this, the “client” has already cashed the check from the trust account, leaving the attorney owing thousands of dollars. And, for some reason, Mr. "Turner" thinks I'm an attorney.

Unfortunately for Mr. “Turner”, I am familiar with how this scam plays out, and was ready and willing to beat him at his own game. What follows is the actual exchange between myself and Mr. Turner, with some of my commentary thrown in to help explain the less-than-obvious.

Enjoy!

=====

From: "Mfc Imports & Export" <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Subject: Legal Assistance Needed!
Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 07:27:01 +0700
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

Attention Counsel,

I have previously sent you an email;

Please confirm the receipt of this mail due to the urgency of this matter.If you are not in position to represent us at the moment kindly advice immediately.After a careful review,we decided to contact you to represent our company in North America and other parts of the United States.Shanghai MFC Import and Export Company is a manufacturing company with its head office in China,and branches all over Asia continent and Europe.

We got your contact details from your local States chamber of commerce.The management of MFC Import and Export Company requires your legal representation for our North American delinquent Customers. We are of the opinion that a reputable attorney is required to represent us in North America in order for us to recover monies due to our organization by overseas customers, and as well follow up with these accounts. In order to achieve these objectives a good and reputable law firm like yours will be required to handle this service. We understand that a proper Attorney Client agreement must be entered into by both parties.

This will be done immediately we receive your letter of acceptance.Attorney, you can advise us what is required to draw a proper letter of engagement that will be review by our board.We are most inclined to commence talks with you as soon as possible. We shall bring you into a detailed picture of what your responsibility is,when we receive your response.Your consideration of our request is highly anticipated,and we look forward to your prompt response to this request. Please contact me via Direct email: [email protected]

Your questions regarding this Proposal is welcome.Once more thank you for taking time from your busy Schedule to read this mail.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom

===

So apparently he thinks I'm an attorney. The game is afoot!

===

Date: Thu, 07 May 2009 16:36:09 -0400
From: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Legal Assistance Needed!

Mr. Turner:

I received your email this morning, and I apologize for not having received your previous email. We are currently in the process of moving our offices, and as such I have experienced some difficulty in getting communication.

While I am very flattered that I received such a referral from the Chamber of Commerce, you should know that I am assistant corporate counsel for Faux Holdings Corporation and as such, my main concern is representing our corporation's various branches in their business matters. Our senior attorney, Percival Mason, does allow me to deal with outside clients from time to time, but I have to obtain his approval first. You should also be aware that we are currently in the midst of negotiations in a matter for one of our global investments division, so I would not be able to begin work on anything new for the next couple of weeks.

If you are still interested, feel free to forward me additional information so that I can have some idea as to what kind of agreement I would need to draft.

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 14:12:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: [email protected]

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.

Thank you very much for your concern in this matter. Please send me your direct telephone number so that i can call you for further information about this matter. Be informed that our company exports items as stipulated below to Europe,North America and all of Asia continent with head office in Shanghai china and brance offices all around Asia and Europe

Kitchen Cabinet
Kitchen Cabinet with MFC Glass Door, E1 Standard Particle Board Carcass

Toner Cartridges
Compatible Color Toner Cartridges with Brother DCP9040CN/9045CDN/HL-4040CN/4050CN/4070CDW/MFC-9440CN

Ink Cartridges
Ink Cartridges for Brother MFC-4420C/4820C/100/150CLW, DCP-4020C Printers

Toner Cartridge
Compatible Toner Cartridge with 3,000 Pages Page Yield, for Use on MFC-8300J and 8500J

Remanufactured Toner Cartridge
Remanufactured Toner Cartridge with 6,000 Pages Yield, For Brother MFC-8420, 8820D and 8840DN

Collections is from our customers who's payment has long overdue. Please can you send us your Retainer Agreement form for us to sign. Kindly respond immediately because of the urgency of this matter.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===
Date: Fri, 08 May 2009 16:16:48 -0400
From: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

Thank you again for your reply. As I stated before, I will have to get
Mr. Mason's approval before I can take you on as a client so that we can
avoid conflicts of interest. I can provide you with a client
intake/conflict avoidance form if you would like. Mr. Mason will need to
see it before we can get started, of course.

I will also need some other information if I am to draft a
representation agreement. For instance, I need to know the size of the
sums that are involved and the locations of the customers who are
overdue on their payments. This will help me determine if I need to
charge an hourly fee, take the case on a retainer basis (and if so, for
how much), or take my compensation in smelmiarse fashion.

Please let me know when you have a chance.

Regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Fri, 8 May 2009 22:53:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.

Thank you very much for your concern in this matter. Find below list of customers with payment has long overdue:

SUPERVALU INC
P.O. BOX 125
MINNEAPOLIS, MN 55440======================$791,772.52

CABLE ONE
1314 NORTH THIRD ST
PHONIX, ARIZONA 85004=====================$203,846.77

WALTER G. ANDERSON INC
4535 WILLOW DRIVE,
HAMEL, MN 55340===========================188,602.19

Please inform me which of these deliquent customers you will be able to make collection from. However, send me your retainer agreement via email attachment to enable us proceed.Thank you

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

Date: Mon, 11 May 2009 09:52:00 -0400
From: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

Assuming that Mr. Mason gives me approval to represent your company as
an outside client, I should be able to pursue all of these defendants
for payment. But, as I previously noted, I need to make sure that there
are no conflicts of interest involved before I can agree to represent
you. This is both an ethical requirement of the legal profession as well
as a requirement of the Faux Holdings legal department. Obviously, my
employer does not want there to be a situation in which I am
representing a client who is suing either my employer or one of its
customers. This would create a huge conflict of interest.

Therefore, before I can even discuss the terms of my retainer, I will
need you to complete the Conflict Avoidance Form. Would you like me to
send it to you as a PDF?

Regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Mon, 11 May 2009 09:20:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.
You can send the Conflict Avoidance Form on pdf format immediately. Thank you

Yours Truly

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

Date: Mon, 11 May 2009 16:54:03 -0400
From: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

The form is attached. Please follow the instructions very carefully and
fax it back to me when you are done. Once you have properly submitted
the form, Mr. Mason and the legal department committee will look it over
and make a decision as to whether or not I will be allowed to represent
you. Thank you for your patience.

Regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

So, I dutifully attach the form. You can see the pages here:

<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_a2460efca902.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 1</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_1c59b4de81b1.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 2</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_591461f14187.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 3</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_de5aa37327a6.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 4</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_5a7d12994ada.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 5</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_89566b8ce007.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 6</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_1964658e0536.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 7</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_7af0b885ded8.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 8</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_a9990cc32485.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 9</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_338ca5128908.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 10</a>

There are some things you should know about it, of course. For instance, the form is on legal-sized paper (which makes it harder to print, scan, and fax). And I've tweaked the security settings so it can't be altered. Or printed.

Oh, and the questions are worth a read. (After all, we don't want anyone illegally importing any autoerotic anime or doones berries, do we?)

===

Date: Mon, 11 May 2009 14:52:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.

Please can you send the Conflict Avoidance Form as microsoft word format, the pdf you sent is not too clear. Will really appreciate it if you can send it as microsoft word format. Thank you for your help.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner18th
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

What? He couldn't print it? Now why in the world would THAT be??? 

===

Date: Tue, 12 May 2009 08:57:15 -0400
From: "Richard Cranium, Esq." <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

I'm not sure what the problem is. I looked at the file from this end,
and it looks fine to me. Can you offer some more details?

I don't have the original file from which this PDF was produced, and
even if I did, it wouldn't have been done in Microsoft Word. We don't
use Microsoft Office at all here. We use Sun StarOffice.

Regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

So a couple of weeks pass and I hear nothing more from Mr. Turner. I can't tell you how disappointed I was to lose such a great potential client!

So, just to make sure, I decided I needed to shake the tree a little and see if he was still around . . .

===

Date: Wed, 03 Jun 2009 15:37:22 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

I sent you the Conflict Avoidance Form a few weeks ago, and have not heard back except from the message you sent saying you wanted it in Microsoft Word format. I responded, asking for clarification of what was wrong with the PDF since it seems clear on this end. Since then, I have heard nothing. As I indicated previously, I was working on a project for our Global Acquisitions division. This project is currently on hold while the documents are approved by the partners of both firms involved, so I can address your case now if you want to send me the forms.

If you have decided you no longer wish to retain me, please let me know so I can close the file appropriately.

Regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Fri, 5 Jun 2009 12:11:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.

Please can you send the form on a different fmt to enable me edit online. Otherwise can you write out the exact informations required via email. Thank you, Note that the PDF fmt you sent cannot be edited online

Mr. Chris Turner18th
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

Date: Mon, 08 Jun 2009 10:53:36 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

I'm not sure what you mean. Can you clarify? It sounds like you want to be able to fill the form out on your computer. Unfortunately, we are not set up for that. The form must be printed and then faxed back.

I can scan it and send it as a JPG, but you will still not be able to edit it on the computer.
--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Mon, 8 Jun 2009 09:31:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.

I shall try to print, sign and return the form as soon as possible. Thank you for your concern.

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office: Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

So he's still eager. After all, he's got me hook, line, and sinker at this point. So he'll print it
out and send it if it kills him!

Which, of course, it just might, given that I've disabled printing.

He apparently tries for a couple of weeks without any luck. Poor guy. But give him points for
persistence! He knows he's got me where he wants me, and he's not going to give up, so after
his couple of weeks, he decides that he's going to just bypass the whole bureaucractic process
and try to get me to take a check from his "customer" directly . . .

===

Date: Fri, 26 Jun 2009 10:23:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.

I have tried to print, sign and return the form but to no avail. Please find below our customers which owe us:

RSI HOME PRODUCTS MANAGEMENT
400 E. ORENGETHORPE AVE.
ANAHEIM, CA 92801==============================$124,824.12

BARNEY'S INC
1201 VALLEY BROOKS AVE
LYNDHURST, NJ 07071.========================$237,377.50

Please can you send us your Retainer Agreement form and Contract follows if you agree to represent us. Kindly respond immediately because of the urgency of this matter. Send me your direct number so that i can call you directly.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office: Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

Date: Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:29:04 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are having. My guess would be that your computer has a virus of some sort on it because the form prints fine from my computer. You should have that checked out as soon as possible.

It is probably a good thing you were having trouble, anyway. I just learned from my secretary that a new form was approved a few months ago when our scanning software was updated and nobody had bothered to distribute it. If you had sent the old form in, it probably would have been rejected by the system and I would have had to send you the new one. But this form has some improvements. As you can see, you can now fax the completed form directly to my office number when it is completed. The system will automatically detect your call as an incoming fax and the computer will automatically scan it into the system. Since these forms are scanned, please make sure to follow the directions exactly. The computer doesn't cut anyone any smack.

I look forward to working with you once I have the forms in so that Mr. Perry can approve my representation of your company. Best success to you!

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

WHAT? You can't print it? Why oh why could that be? I mean, it prints fine on my end! (Of
course, I have the original version without printing disabled . . . )

Must be a virus on your end. Better get some of that expensive antivirus software and throw it
on your computer.

But, hey, lucky him! There's a NEW form now! And the best part is: this one's even LONGER! And
has some BETTER questions! And he can fax this one to me directly, which is what I really want
him to do since it will be an international fax and will cost him several dollars per page, which is
a lot of money for him to waste. (I figure every dollar he wastes on me is a dollar he's not spending
on someone who he's truly scamming.) Plus, I get what every scam baiter wants: a trophy!

So, I dutifully attach the form (again). You can see the pages here:

<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_efb9b4e1d792.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 1</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_1027c88099a4.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 2</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_e55d64ebd059.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 3</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_0df3a03ca63c.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 4</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_f77169e476f6.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 5</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_d6531b28dbb1.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 6</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_71509f13170d.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 7</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_3f03731b16e8.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 8</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_ccf83bc8fddf.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 9</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_e1e24293e405.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 10</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_177c98e90b99.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 11</a>

And since I WANT him to send this back to me, I don't disable printing this time. But I do make
sure that the requirements for sending it successfully are as egregious as possible.

===

Date: Tue, 30 Jun 2009 11:20:26 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

I do not have the new form. Please send it to me immediately. Thank you

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Mfc Imports & Exports
Europe Office: Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

Actually, that was a legitimate mistake: I really did forget to attach the form. But, hey, anything that
makes him waste more time and keeps him dangling on the hook works for me!

So I send him the form. Again: worth a read.

Oh, the phone number is a free voice mail/fax number I got from an on-line service, so when
(if) he manages to figure out how to print this legal-sized document and fax it, I can actually
receive it. Again: I want him to do this, because I want to waste as much of his time and
money as possible.

===

Date: Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:43:36 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports(Legal Assistance)

Mr. Turner:

You are correct. I forgot to attach the form. My mistake. It is now
attached. My apologies!

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

But do I get my form so that I can submit it to our conflict avoidance committee??? Of course not! I get the following email instead!

===

Date: Thu, 6 Aug 2009 13:37:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

This is urgent, one of our deliquent customer in North America just informed us that he is ready to pay US$180,000 being overdue payment owed this company. Sir, due to the urgency of this matter, we have decided to appoint you as our representative in United States to receive this payment. you shall receive 5% commission for your good work. Please provide us the full names which the check should be made payable to:

Upon receiving the above information, we shall forward it to our deliquent customer to contact you for payment. We look forward to having a good business relationship with you. Thank you once again.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

Now he's just making me mad. I mean, I gave him explicit instructions on what he needed to do
before I could fall for his scam, er, I mean, represent him in his important collections case, and
a week later he hasn't sent in the form . . . and instead he's trying to get me to violate company
policy and maybe get fired? What a moron.

But I am nothing if not professional, so I'll remind him gently about what he needs to do.

===

Date: Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:48:54 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

We have not yet received the documents required for me to be able to represent your company. Until that happens, I can not ethically do anything on your behalf, including accepting payments. I will certainly be happy to help you once Mr. Mason has approved my request to be allowed to represent you as an outside client, but I have to have the forms sent in before he will do that.

Please complete the forms I previously sent, following the instructions exactly, and fax them to me at 206-309-4532.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

That seemed to help! Because lo and behold, I get, well, SOMETHING from him!

===

Date: Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:20:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

Find attached filled forms. Please know that i could not fill all pages because some pages where not relevant to my case. I hope you are ok with this? however, below is the company that owe us:

RSI HOME PRODUCTS MANAGEMENT
400 E. ORENGETHORPE AVE.
ANAHEIM, CA 92801==============================$124,824.12

If you accept to take this case, please send me your retainer agreement letter and also stipulate the retainer fees so that i can also discuss it with my superiors. Thank you.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

And he attaches some scans, which you can see in the links below:

<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_cb89a91c990e.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 1</A>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_1cc2b1c2ae06.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 2</A>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_d454057e0e9e.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 3</A>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_ae85c42cd984.jpg" target="_NEW">Page 4</A>

Well, at least he sent it. I mean, he was supposed to FAX it and he EMAILED it instead, but
maybe that'll be okay with our Conflicts Resolution people. Of course, they were awfully
faint and very low-resolution, so I don't even know if they'll be able to read it . . .

But he IS getting impatient, isn't he? And I thought his deadbeat customers were in Minnesota
and Arizona! (See his messages from May and June.) How does he stay in business with all of
these companies everywhere not paying up!

===

Date: Thu, 20 Aug 2009 09:20:05 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

I received your message this morning and will forward the documents over
to the conflict resolution department. I will get back to you shortly.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Thu, 20 Aug 2009 17:12:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

We await your positive response to enable us proceed accordingly. Thank you

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Phone: +447024028968

===

Well, at least he's a polite lad! Nothing moves quickly in the corporate world, of course, so I submit the form and wait for a response from our committee. But Mr. Turner just can't wait that long!

===

Date: Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:12:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

Please update us on the proceedings if you have accepted to take our case. Thank you for your swift response.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom
Tel:+447024045864

===

Geez, dude! It's only been five days! These things take time, ya know!

But I wait a day before responding, just to keep him on his needles and pins. It's a good
feeling, don't ya think?

===

Date: Wed, 26 Aug 2009 10:27:09 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

I have not yet heard back from conflict resolution. Let me put in a call to them and I will get back in touch with you.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Sat, 29 Aug 2009 20:56:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

Further to your last email, we await conflict resolution response to enable us proceed accordingly. Please forward to us a number which we can reach you directly. We await your positive reply to this important message. Thank you

Truly,

Chris Turner

===

Date: Fri, 4 Sep 2009 01:14:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

Please give me update on the conflict resolution department. Richard, send me your direct telephone number that i can call you today. Thank you

Truly,

Chris Turner

===

Wow. A whole week longer without hearing from me. He's getting DESPERATE now! And now he wants to call me directly. I mean, he's REALLY starting to get antsy about this. And, quite frankly, I don't understand why. I mean, he first contacted me in May and it's only September, for cryin' out loud!

But lucky him: I actually heard back from Conflict Resolution today! I'll bet it's good news . . .

===

Date: Fri, 04 Sep 2009 11:27:10 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

Thank you for your patience. I was planning to email you this morning. I got the following email this morning from the compliance specialist in the Conflict Resolution Department:

> Mr. Cranium:
>
> I received your message this morning about the conflict avoidance form
> submitted by Mr. Turner of the MFC Imports & Exports company. This
> form was not in compliance with Faux Holdings protocol for submission
> of such forms for the following reasons:
>
> 1. The form was submitted via email. As you know--and as the form
> clearly states on its face--the forms MUST be faxed to the office of
> the attorney who wishes to take on the client (in this case, you). The
> forms may not be emailed. This is because of the way in which our
> automated Payne-Innthee Totalis (PITA) document system routes
> incoming documents.
>
> 2. The form was incomplete. The instructions on the form clearly state
> that the form "must be submitted completely and correctly or the
> request will be denied. Strict compliance is required."
>
> For these reasons, the request for outside retention is, for the
> moment, denied. Mr. Turner may resubmit the application in the proper
> manner, properly completed, and in compliance with our PITA requirements.
>
> Ariel Payne-Diaz
> Compliance Specialist
> Conflict Resolution Bureau
> Faux Holdings Corporation Legal Department

It appears, then, that you will need to resubmit the documents before I can talk to you about your case. Please do so at your earliest convenience. My apologies for the delay.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Bummer! So NOT such good news! But what do you expect when you don't follow instructions?

===

Date: Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:57:51 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

Please send me your fax number so that i can send the filled form to your office immediately. Thank you

Regards.

Chris Turner

===

Well, these ARE important accounts to collect, so we gotta get on this. He'll fax it out immediately!

If only he could find the fax number. If only someone had, you know, put the fax number in a prominent and obvious place . . .

===

Date: Fri, 11 Sep 2009 09:35:57 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

The number is on the form. It is the same as my office number: 206-XXX-XXXX. The system automatically detects incoming faxes and sends them to the computer, where the voice mail system can accept the fax transmission. Please make sure you follow the PITA procedures exactly.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

OH! That's RIGHT! It was ON THE FORM!!!!!!

So, anyway, it takes him three days to figure out how to get the form to print, and then how
to fax it, but eventually I do get another email from him . . .

===

Date: Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:44:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq.
I have faxed the filled forms to the attention of Richard Cranium, Esq/Ariel Payne-Diaz. Please see that you handle my collection case. Thank you

Regards

Mr. Chris Turner

===

Date: Tue, 15 Sep 2009 09:46:54 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

Thank you. I will check with Ms. Payne-Diaz later today to confirm that
it came through.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Date: Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:56:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
In-Reply-To: <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

Thank you again, Please check with Ms. Payne-Diaz and let me know how to proceed.

Regards

Mr. Chris Turner

===

As it happens, I'm gone when this email comes in. No, really; I took a short holiday. But in my absence, he's on me like fur on a wookie . . .

===

Date: Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:50:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium, Esq

Please update us on the proceedings. In anticipation, Thank you for accepting to handle our case.

Regards

Chris Turner

===

Holy cow, Mr. Ants-in-the-Pants! It's only been a couple of days! It took--what?--two weeks for
Ms. Payne-Diaz to get back to me last time. Chillax, bro! I'll just wait a little while before I
respond. You know: to give you time to relax a little.

But, as it happens, he DID fax the form back!

<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_febe54e2def1.gif" target="_New">Page 1</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_ecb3d0777b08.gif" target="_New">Page 2</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_ff612c6fec57.gif" target="_New">Page 3</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_53f750abca0a.gif" target="_New">Page 4</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_4441e2152dcb.gif" target="_New">Page 5</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_3873424ac177.gif" target="_New">Page 6</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_64d63f3f4129.gif" target="_New">Page 7</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_b40f9903af7b.gif" target="_New">Page 8</a>
<a href="http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/scamslammer_6503f7c71b46.gif" target="_New">Page 9</a>

I mean, he KINDA faxed it back. I mean, it's pretty illegible and distorted, and most of the pages are either blank or simply not there, but it's (kinda) there. And he did send each page as a separate fax transmission, meaning it was even more expensive for him. Gotta love that.

And, of course, he didn't follow ANY of the instructions as to format, color, or anything like that.

But, fortunately, they're a forgiving bunch at Conflict Resolution . . .

===

Date: Tue, 22 Sep 2009 09:33:50 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

Sorry to take so long to get back to you. I went on holiday for a few days. Have you ever been to Tatooine? Because if you haven't, don't believe what the travel brochures tell you. It's not all casinos and cantinas; I've never visited such a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Upon my return from holiday, I did find that I had received a fax that appears to be from you. However, it did not come through correctly and you will need to re-send it. (See the attached PDF.)

Thank you for your patience.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

Okay, so I stole the reference to Tatooine from another scambaiter. But I figure, imitation is the highest form of flattery.

Anyway, I forwarded a copy of his fax back to him so he could see how badly he got ripped off by the fax service.

He was a bit crestfallen, but still willing to do what it takes to collect his money!

===

Date: Tue, 22 Sep 2009 14:55:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports
To: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>

Dear Richard Cranium

Please tell me what page i should resend or should i re-send the whole pages?. Thank you

Regards

Mr. Chris Turner

===

Date: Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:03:00 -0400
From: Richard Cranium <[email protected]>
To: Chris Turner <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Mfc Imports & Exports

Mr. Turner:

I am afraid you will need to re-send the entire thing again. Sorry about
that. There was only one page that was at all legible, and even that one
was not in great shape.

Best regards,

--
Richard Cranium, Esq.
Assistant Corporate Counsel
Faux Holdings Corporation

===

And, alas, that is the last I heard from the venerable Mr. Turner. The horrible corporate
bureaucracy at Faux Holdings has cost me another valuable client!

At least, I *thought* that was the last I heard from Mr. Turner, until I got the following
email a month later . . .

===

Date: Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:16:57 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Legal Assistance Urgently!
From: "MFC Import and Export Company" <[email protected]>
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

Attention Counsel,

I have previously sent you an email;

Please confirm the receipt of this mail due to the urgency of this
matter.If you are not in position to represent us at the moment kindly
advice immediately.After a careful review,we decided to contact you to
represent our company in North America and other parts of the United
States.Shanghai MFC Import and Export Company is a manufacturing company
with its head office in China,and branches all over Asia continent and
Europe.

We got your contact details from your local States chamber of commerce.The
management of MFC Import and Export Company requires your legal
representation for our North American delinquent Customers. We are of the
opinion that a reputable attorney is required to represent us in North
America in order for us to recover monies due to our organization by
overseas customers, and as well follow up with these accounts. In order to
achieve these objectives a good and reputable law firm like yours will be
required to handle this service. We understand that a proper Attorney
Client agreement must be entered into by both parties.

This will be done immediately we receive your letter of
Acceptance.Attorney, you can advise us what is required to draw a proper
letter of engagement that will be review by our board.We are most inclined
to commence talks with you as soon as possible. We shall bring you into a
detailed picture of what your responsibility is,when we receive your
response.Your consideration of our request is highly anticipated,and we
look forward to your prompt response to this request. Please contact me
via Direct email: [email protected]

Your questions regarding this Proposal is welcome.Once more thank you for
taking time from your busy Schedule to read this mail.

Yours truly,

Mr. Chris Turner
Sales Manager
Europe Office:
Venture House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN
United Kingdom

===

It appears he's had enough of me and decided to look for new counsel. And decided that the
new attorney should be . . . well, me. I did try to respond, but both this email address and his
old one were disabled. A pity. I never got to collect from his clients in Minnesota. I mean Arizona.
I mean California. Well, wherever they are, I hope they're doing well.

Oh, and that Mr. Turner has had a chance to vacation in Tatooine.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 15 Jan 2010 Posts: 953

Waste their time and money. This is the best kind. Great job.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 28 Sep 2010 Posts: 923

Smelmiarse huh? I had to look that one up just to make sure! Good job on that.

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 4:17 pm

Very nice! I also thought "smelmiarse" was a nice touch. It's always good to add new words and expressions to the lads' vocabulary! Unfortunately, if you Google it, it points right back to this thread.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 08 May 2009 Posts: 26

Yeah, I probably won't use that term again. Maybe a derivative, like "stinkifinners" or something.

Currently have a lad half-convinced he's stumbled onto someone smuggling arms to the former Libyan government. I'll post that one when it's run its course. (I thought I would have lost him long before now. I'm surprised he's taken the bait for so long!)

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 5:14 pm

You can mangle it so that Google won't find it: ѕmelmіаrsе. I do the same with my baiting characters.

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 5:22 pm

Fortunately, Lads usually lack the intelligence or the work ethic to do fact checking.

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