The Ditz and the Soldier (possible safari?)

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Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 7:22 am

So I look at the ditz's account on 4ppl, which is always popular with the lads (If only they knew about the "junk in the trunk", if you know what I mean and I think you do).

I get a note from a "Soldier" and duly send back my "I'm sorry, but..." Standard reply to weed out any potential ITP's. Suddenly he's in Oz! 1st note:

Quote:

Hi angel..........How are you doing today? i am new on this site and i found your profile attractive to what am looking for all my life and this is why i drop you this note to tell you ............ you look so gorgeous for my liking and i dont mind to know you better........... take care of your self and hope to read from you soon.

Best Regards
<snipped>

my Reply:

Quote:

Hello,

I am sorry, but I am only looking to meet other Australians.

I wish you well in your search,

The Ditz

Suddenly, he's in Oz! :

Quote:

its okay kathrin, well i am presently in Aussie but originally from the states, i am on 2 months leave, my boss sent me on a mission to Aussie and i have 3weeks to stay here before going back to the states. i just wish i can have you in my arms cos you really got me hypnotized. take care baby and hope to read from you soon.

John

Three weeks huh? Let's make them pleasant for him then! My reply:

Quote:

You're here in Australia? That's wonderful Schatzi! Where are you in Australia? I am in Yalbraith in New South Wales. It is a long drive from Sydney (my darling niece says it takes several hours when she drives up from Sydney), but it such a beautiful farm. I am in the middle of a divorce and my soon to be ex husband Nick (who left me for a 19 year old) is fighting me for control of the farm. I want to sell it when the divorce is final and move to Sydney, my husband wants to move his new lover into the farm. It does get very lonely here on the farm which is what brought me to 4ppl.

You only have three weeks? That is such a shame, I don't know well we can get acquainted in three weeks, but we can only try.

The Ditz

Me ruv you rong time, baby Wink

Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:10 am

The Oz safari is called "Walkabout".

if he is here, then a Safari could become small time.... Twisted Evil

Good luck.....

Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:23 am

You can be certain he is not in Oz and will not be going there either. If the ditz had said "she" would only date people in Germany, he suddenly would have been there (or from there, just temporarily out of the country) instead.

Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:12 pm

Chrys said

Quote:

Suddenly he's in Oz!

Dorothy's siggy says

Quote:

I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore

I say if John only had a heart and a brain and some courage he wouldn't be a F*****G SCAMMER!! Wink

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:41 am

^^^ TOO EFFING RIGHT he needs a heart! I got this back:

Quote:

am so sorry to hear all these happening to you, but all i observed is that you sound to be good and true to me and a woman like you should deserve the best in life, i will advice you to sell the farm asap and move to Sydney but presently am in Melbourne, i am transacting a Gemstones Business with some companies here, if am through with them i will work things out on how to meet you in person but that doesn't stop us of chatting and communicating before then, you can drop me your phone number and email contact so i can send you some poems and any important messages and maybe hear your voice on phone. okay? take good care of yourself baby and i cant wait to meet you in person asap.

John

POEMS?!?!? Oh F*** NO! ETA my reply:

Quote:

Dear John,

Melbourne's only an hour from Sydney by plane. If you get the chance you should check out Sydney especially now that that yucky volcano has stopped spewing ash everywhere, it is truly beautiful.

A soldier AND a Gemstone merchant? Who said men cannot multitask! I must be quick schatzi, I am between session in Divorce Court in Goulburn and I am in an internet cafe checking my mail. I can't sell the farm if this divorce doesn't go in my favour, but I live in hope it will be settled soon

You asked for my email address? [email protected]. and the phone number is <snipped, but incomplete and fake. it will never work, and I'm thinking of tearing him a new one for not ringing me> Wink

I long for your messages they brighten up my day. And while a poem is nice I would prefer simply to talk to you.

Kathrin

Anything to get out of those cut and paste poems Rolling Eyes

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 8:24 am

Wonder if he has visited any Gem Dealers I know in Melbourne Question

How hard do you want to make it, I have names, in particular some real ones who are deserving of the "Order of the Royal Boot"........

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 8:33 am

Yeah. Good luck dodging the excreable word-spew that is lad's poems, Chrys. I have yet to find one lad or vlad who actually tries to write something themselves. Of course it's a catch-22 because an original lad poem could be gold but if you ask them to write you one you are bound to get crap and if you call them out on it and say write something yourself not copy it off the intrenet then they get all huffy and prattle on about how it is from their heart and took them hours.

I want to see references to Munchkins and Flying Monkeys in this one, mate. Better not mention Toto however, I think that's something else. Wink

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 5:50 am

No poems yet (thank f***), but he did write back. I got this in 4ppl (he hasn't written to the yahell account yet):

Quote:

oh okay baby thats really nice, i wish you all the best of luck in life, i will add you now so i can chat with you soon, i am just busy with my business partners here trying to settle on some prices of my goods. i cant wait to chat with you and know you better............. i will ring you very soon. please do take care of yourself and remember you are always on my mind.

So Phil, your wish is my command. I managed to reference a munchkin! she's also getting a little toey. Bolding is mine:

Quote:

My dearest John,

Are you still in Melbourne? It's been a long time since I was in Melbourne, but Nick and I used to go to a beautiful little restaurant on the bay called Munchkins. It is in Brighton, right on the edge of the water. It is glorious to sit in there and have a romantic dinner as the sun goes down. If you get your work done quickly enough, maybe we can meet and see if it is still there. I hope so, but it was ugely popular at the time, so there is a good chance that it is still in business.

It is very cold here in Yalbraith and I could certainly use a hot soldier like yourself to warm me up (if you know what I mean and I think you do)! I shouldn't really admit this but I feel I can trust you and that you won't tell anyone. I find myself incredibly turned on by your picture, I've always loved a man in a uniform, it was what attracted me to my soon to be ex husband Nick in the first place. He may be a bastard, but boy, could he fill out a soldier's uniform. Mmmmmmm

I think I'll "go have a little lie down" (or a cold shower).

Ditz

[star trek]It's a reference Jim, but not as we know it[/star trek] Wink

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:04 am

^^ Thanks Chrys. Wasn't Ditz's ex a bit of a Wiz in Oz? That's what I heard, anyway.

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 2:58 pm

Maybe, but when I told my daughter about "Munchkins", we both agreed there needed to be a website to promote it!

I'm leaning towards the "Too posh for the likes of you" mentality

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 10:27 am

I got this back, while I was in Adelaide, so I didn't see it for eleven days:

Quote:

wow, my sexiest Ditz, you really put a big smile on my face when i read your wonderful messages i wish i can just hold you close to me and give you a french kiss and a big hug and make an emotional love with you all night and take all your cold away by having my arms round you with all these you wrote for me, they took me from here down to the UK yesterday and i am right now in the UK but when am done here i will purposely because of you baby fly over to Aussie to have a good time with you. I miss you so sosososososo much my business are moving well here. and am too happy for that i hope to read from you soon.

John

So I sent this back:

Quote:

My dear John,

I apologise for not writing sooner, but so much has happened since my last letter. I won! I won the divorce settlement! I am free to sell the farm and move to Sydney! this is wonderful news. I have spent all week packing and putting the farm on the market to sell, and so far there a re four interested parties interested in Purchasing the farm! It was valued at $320,000 a few years ago. Nick put a lot of work into it so hopefully it will be worth more now.

Oh schatzi, I am so excited, I can't wait to move to a real city. Yalbraith is pretty but nothing happens here. I will let you know how I go in the sale of the farm

Ditz

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 4:32 am

"Soldier" gets back to me:

Quote:

wow, i am so happy for you and i wish you the best of luck in life as well, and for me too my business is moving fine and i am so glad, am now in the london (United Kingdom), i came to view their economy here in the uk and if its interesting maybe i can invest little of my money here in the country, cos i am banking with one of thier bank here too, its been long i operate with them though, but if i found out business will work fine here i will get some money out of my account here and invest. i missed you so much and i am happy to read from you, you are such a wonderful woman and i cant stop thinking about you, and my feelings grows for you more and more each and everyday. hope to read from you soon.

John.

Of COURSE you are in the UK. I'd better write back. The ditz is rapt that he's in London, she's thinking of travelling:

Quote:

You're in London? That's just a few hours away from Koln, in my native Germany. I was thinking of taking a trip to visit relatives once I found a new place to live, maybe you could join me! While it is a short flight, it would be a lot more fun on the Eurostar. I've always fantasised about having sex on the Eurostar, that train for some reason just turns me on!

How long are you there for schatzi? I will look into travelling to Germany and let you know if I can be there at the same time as you

Ditz

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 7:52 am

despite asking for the Ditz's email addy, he still uses the mail system in 4ppl.com, which I forget to check. I got this from our lad, bolding is mine :

Quote:

Dear Sweetheart,

I came online to see you would have drop me any message and using this medium now to tell u that, I know we have not gotten to really know each other all that long and there is a little bit of an age difference between us, but I do really like you. You are a very special woman If ONLY he knew HOW special). There is so much about you I see that I know most guys don't see. They are all looking at you for your body. But Honey, I am telling you, that is not what I am doing. There is so much more to you than that. I have liked you since the minute we meet online , but just never had the guts to say it to you. Well, that has all changed now. I am going all out and I am going to say it all. I really care a lot about you, and I would like to be a lot more than just friends. You mean so much to me. I mean, just seeing your cute little smile when I am having a bad day just makes the day seem not too dim. Or just to have you give me a hug makes me all warm and tingly inside. Just to see your smiling face brightens my darkest day. So, Hon, what do you say, would you like to give it a go?

Love Always,
John.

And he asks for the email addy again;

Quote:

please drop me your email address so i can send you poems, and more of my pics, and your phone number so i can hear your sweet voice. i cant wait to do all these and even more, cant wait to meet you in person as well.

Poems?!?!? Oh HELL NO!

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:02 am

^^ PLEASE anything but the poems. I believe they use them to break captured spies.

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 8:19 am

^^^ I'd rather undergo waterboarding!

In the meantime I get this in my yahell account. I LOVE how he's just copied and pasted her name into the email:

Quote:

I was on my way to bed and wanted to write you a little note. Thank you so much for having so much faith in me and in us as a couple. Thank you for making me a better person, and for giving your heart to me and opening up so much.
Over the last few days, it's been wonderful; I never expected to feel this way nor actually be with you in this way, experiencing life with you. You are wonderful ... to me, to my friends, to my family. You make me really happy and even though we are apart so much of the time, it's made up each time I see you again. The feeling that I get is overwhelming every time that I do get to see you for the first time in such a long time and as time goes by my feelings for you grow dramatically.
I was thinking so much about that earlier tonight, when I am going to meet you at the airport. I am getting butterflies in my stomach just at the thought of seeing you soon. You make everything complete and I can't imagine spending time with someone else and having these feelings for anyone else. I'm anxious to see you soon Kathrin. Time is ticking, and it's going by really slow.
It takes a strong man to accomplish everything that you have in your life, I am proud of you that you stick to your goals, you have improved your life so much from what it was before and I am so happy that you respect my beliefs as I respect yours. You say that you are going to make me a happy man ... well, you have already done that, just by being you and showing me love and being so open with your feelings. You are what I dreamed of when I was a little boy, someone with integrity, honesty, love, affection, beautiful, and with such a charming personality. I never thought I would find you, but here you are.
I love you so much, and can't wait to be with you soon. I want to give you my heart and soul. I don't care about anything else in the world because I am in love with you, DITZ I love you. Thank you DITZ, for you have made all of my dreams come true. I could not ask for more. I am the luckiest man in the world to be called your man, I'm truly honored. Thank you. lest i forget here is my number you can ringl me at anytime(snipped, but a UK redirect I have no intention of ringing), you can ring me anytime baby, cant wait to hear your sweet voice and i hope you'll like my pics.
Love always,
Scamming asshole.

I also get four photos of a US soldier which I won't post for obvious reasons. Will edit in a reply later

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 3:30 pm

I get a slew of emails in 4ppl.com. Seems he's having trouble with the phone:

Quote:

hi baby, sorry about me asking for your email address again you know i have alot in my brain here, i missed you so much well its good to be a kind of silly with your partner sometimes, i just cant wait to meet you in person as i am having alot of feelings for you and wish i can get things done here asap so we can schedule on how we gonna meet, hope everything are okay with you, you know i care for you so much baby, i will send you some poems and more of my pics as soon as the net allows me its very slow now and i counldt sign in to my email. take good care of yourself baby and hope to read from you soon.

John

Then this:

Quote:

I was sent down to earth for a mission, a mission to find someone that will complete me. I never thought that my task would be fulfilled till the very moment I met you. I had finally found the perfection that I had been seeking for all my life. At the very moment, I didn't believe my eyes as the womanl that I thought only existed in fairytale now stood facing me. Staring at the moon each night, I saw your gentle smile, the smile that gave me the strength to make the impossible possible.

My affection for you grows each and everyday. I am totally addicted to you, and you're the only drug that kept me from dying. When I looked into those eyes of yours, I saw the real me, a person that lives for a goal and a purpose. I pray hard each day, just to hope that you and I can be in a relationship that is more than just friends someday. For now, I've written this letter to declare my love for you and I will be right here waiting for you.

Love always
John.

The first query about the phone number:

Quote:

honey i have been trying this number and its not going please check it again, i dont think its complete.

Not only was it incomplete, it's FICTIONAL! And I get this as well

Quote:

hi baby, i have just sent you my pics, my feelings towards you everyday and my phone number to <snipped>, i cant wait to hear your sweet voice, so ring me at anytime, i love and miss you so much baby.

Of course it'll be lad's fault! Wink

ETA: I missed this one:

Quote:

Honey, i have been so worried about you so much and myself, i have to invest here in london like i told you, i was given a check of 256,000 Pounds sterling and this is what i am working on now how i will get it cleared, you know what honey, i will need your phone number so i can talk to you on phone anytime i want and maybe your email address to send you some poems, i love and miss you so much and i cant wait to meet you in person and have more fun with you but i know you let go if you set eyes on me in person, cos i am a very loving,caring and honest man who knows how to treat a woman to her worth and i know you deserve the best in life and this is what am gonna give you. take care of yourself i will hope to read from you soon and left me your phone number and email address cos i hardly come on here now becuase of what am doing here in the UK. lots of love,kisses and hug to you dear.

John.

I guess I'd better write back then! ETA My reply:

Quote:

My dear John,

While the number I gave does work it is a moot point because I have just sold the farm! I got $522,000 for it, as part of a government attempt to expand the nearby state forest. That is why I haven't written, I have been busy putting my things into storage while I look for a place in Sydney to live. Currently, I am staying with my niece Sabrina in Darlinghurst while I look for an apartment, and currently I am without a phone. I must say, it's very peaceful not having a phone. All my calls go through Sabrina's iPhone, which I find very confusing. She wants to buy me one as well, I suspect I don't even know how to even turn it on

Ditz

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:30 am

Laddo gets back to me, he wants me to buy a phone;

Quote:

ok cool, i have been so worried about you but now am glad to read from you, i just think its better for us to always talk on phone as we both hardly come on here, and why didny you like to use a phone, why cant you buy one purposely becuase of me, i cant wait to hear you voice and hope you got my poems and pics, i cant wait to meet you too in person, and can you please call me from a public phone centre just cant wait to hear your voice on phone here is my number <UK Redirect>. if you get my pics and the poems i wrote for you kindly reply me back via my email just to be rest assured that you got them. i love you so much baby. honey i was issued the check today, its a sum of 256,000.00GBP(Two Hundred and Fifty Six Thousand British Pounds Sterling only) and i ought to take it to the bank but i was so tired i will send a scanned copy of it to your email to see, i am working on it now and as soon as its cleared and i can cash the money, i will let you know all about the business am investing in. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY.........lot of love, kisses and hug to you. i miss you so much.

Love Always,
John

I think it's time to remind him how stupid the ditz is. Maybe he can help with the phone plans... Let's find out! I couldn't resist a quick song reference, though I can't remember who sang it, it's in bold: Wink

Quote:

schatzi,

I am trying to get a phone, but I do not understand them. My last phone was a satellite phone and it only did one thing, make phone calls. It received calls from anywhere on the planet since Yalbraith was so far away from everything. Now that I am staying with Sabrina in Darlinghurst, I am so close to everything. Sabrina wants me to get an iPhone so we can do video calls, but when I look at them do i get an iPhone 1, 2, 3 or 4? Or do I wait for the next one like Sabrina says? Some have have gigs of memory, but no-one will tell me what a gig actually is. I thought a gig was slang for a performance, but it also seems to be a measure of memory. Is it a lot? a little? too little too late to fly again with you...

oh John I spent all of yesterday looking at phones. Which phone company should I go with? Which company is the best? Which has the best coverage? Do I go with Telstra, Virgin, , Optus or even Three? Do I sign up for a plan or I prepay? If I go onto a plan, do I do it for a year, two years? Oh I am so confused by all of this.

I must confess John, that Nick used to handle the phone details and now that he has moved in with his 19 year old boyfriend I find it all very confusing. Sabrina is trying to help, but she gets so lost in all the technical aspects I find it difficult to comprehend what it is she is talking about.

I think I will have a lie down and worry about it later

Ditz

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 5:13 am

Laddo has phone advice for me... See if you van guess which phone plan he's on: Wink

Quote:

oh baby, you have really gone through a lot of stress getting a phone but i prefer you go with Virgin and sign up for prepay, you can as well go for a year and if you have enough on you then you can go for two years, i am missing you so much and i wish i can be there with you in person so we can do things together as two heads are better than one and beside no one can take in thier boyfriend to oppress you, you also have me in your life and beside i am a mature man not 19years old guy.......lol, i love and miss you so much baby, honey i am passing through alot here too, everything here in the UK is just stressful for me, i am waiting for my check to be cleared and maybe before i invest the money at all, i will come to you first cos i cant wait to be home with you. the check is taking too slow to get cleared i dont know why but its their way of doing things here in London so i got no choice than to wait till it get clearedso i can come over to my missing rib, you love and thought is what i think about all day and you are what i dream about all night. I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH DITZ. did you get my email, if yes reply me back via email. i want to know if you get my pics i sent you and maybe you like me......lol. take good care of yourself honey...... hope to read from you soon.

John

Plane fare request in 3... 2... 1... Rolling Eyes

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 8:46 am

Quote:

i am a mature man not 19years old guy

Truth leaking out?

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 8:57 am

^^^Not if I can help it Wink

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 4:26 am

Laddo writes from a different account. Seems someone had his closed down:

Quote:

hi honey, its me john, i dont know what happned to my formal profile on here maybe i cant remember my password i cant just access my profile anymore so becuase of you i need to register again, and this is the most reason why i said we should always contact eachother on phone or email, had it been i dont know your username off hand i would have the chance to contact you anymore, how are you doing and how is everything there with you, have you gotten the iphone you told me about, and hope you are investing your money judiciously, i care about you so much and cant wait to meet you in person, i sent you a poem to your email, check and reply me via email too, take care of yourself for me baby.....i hope to read from you soon.

Your love,
John

I sent this back:

Quote:

John,

It is so good to hear from you!

I am so confused, I went and got a prepaid card like you suggested, but it didn't come with a phone! Sabrina wants me to buy an iPhone, but I find hers too confusing. I think I want one with buttons on it, but I do not know which one to get and all the phones I have seen lately seems to be touch screen, my head hurts from all of this phone searching.

I have given you my email address, but I have not seen any poems or photos yet. Here it is again, just in case:

<snipped>

Ditz

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2011 5:37 pm

Oh noes!!! Laddo has resorted to Love poems, a quick google points out where he stole it from, it only had 284 hits. Fortunately he also messaged the Ditz on her 4ppl.com account:

Quote:

honey just try and get any phone cant wait to talk to u constantly and work things out with u on how we could see and meet in person, i love and miss you so much. i just sent a poem to u now to the email you've just given me on here.

ETA: My reply, seems the Ditz is drunk!

Quote:

Schatzi,

Forgive me, but I am partying with my friends, it is very late Friday night and I am hammered! If you were here I would pour you a Jagermeister, but you're not, so I will drink one for you. I am having such a wonderful time, I wish you were here to share it. I wish you were here to be shared with! Ever had a manage a quatre???

Ditz

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2011 5:16 am

Laddo sends a crappy poem (which I won't bore you with, in this bait I should the one suffering in the name of making lad pain, not you, the lovely readers), but he sends a second email, and this one has the set up for the money plea:

Quote:

honey i wish you can send me more of your pics baby, maybe to always look at whenever i miss u and thinking about u, honey am only having a delay here with my check given to me, i took it to the bank and its a check worth of 256,000GBP, u know i told u about it, so they said at the back that its been long i abandoned the account and there are taxes on my money that i will need to pay before i could get the money cashed and withdraw and presently i told u i have invested all my money on a business in Melbourne Australia, i am broke right now as i dont have much on me, i dont know if you can help me with this and if i get it cashed i will still have to pend the business here and come over to you first cos you are he most important thing to me now and forever and maybe when we are together we can think of how to invest this together as i believe 2 heads are better than 1, i love and miss u so much baby and here is the scanned copy of the check for u to see. i love you so much and really wish am in your arms here but this is what am facing here right now and i am very broke baby. lot of love, kisses and hug to you my queen.

Sometimes I wish lads understood the concept of spacing Embarassed

In the meantime, let's see if we can find out which "business" laddo invested in Wink

. I'd better pretend I'm interested. ETA: I didn't notice but he's sent me a reasonably looking fake check. Though as a guy who spends a lot of time making posters and websites, I recognise a fake handwriting font straight away. will post as soon as I've finished pasting "fake" all over it

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 7:49 am

I send laddo this back:

Quote:

Schatzi,

That is terrible news! How can I help? If you tell me where the cheque is being banked, Maybe I can travel to Melbourne and try speed up the process!

Ditz

Let the cash demands begin Wink

Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 3:31 am

I get two emails, the second being a crappy poem I won't bore you with. Besides it's the first one that has the money plea:

Quote:

Hi honey how are you doing today, thanks so much for your concern honey its not in melbourne its in the UK, i am so confused and worried right now honey and its a check of 256,000GBP, there is a tax on it for it has been abandoned for some years and the tax am required to pay now is a sum of 1,700GBP, and i have invested all i have with me in melbourne when i went to melbourne for business i am just so broke now my love and i need to get this money cleared not even for the business alone but to come over to you very soon am really aching to see and meet you in person as you are the best thing in my life now and forever, here is the scanned copy of the check honey for you to see, all i want you to do for me is to borrow me the 1,700GBP so i can get my money cleared and if i got it cleared i will refund back to you your money maybe in person i will take it with me while coming to you, am so confused love. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY and i will always love you till my dying day, lots of love, kisses and hug to you my sweetheart.

Your love Always,
John

the Ditz however has other ideas:

Quote:

Schatzi,

Do not worry yourself about the taxes. I have decided to postpone moving house and take a holiday. I will be visiting my friends in Frankfurt, then I will take the Eurostar from Koln to London! Isn't that fantastic news! I will give you the money you need personally and then we can go on a fantastic holiday together! We will make love on the Eurostar and then I will introduce you to my friends in Germany and we will party like it's 1999!

Oh my darling, I am SO excited about this, I'm so happy I could shit! I will speak to my travel agents immediately.

Ditz

edited for typos Embarassed

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