Most long-winded lad intro ever?

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

I fell asleep twice while reading this enormous load of crapola:
Rolling Eyes

David Lambert
South Quay Plaza
183 Marsh Wall
London
E14 9SR

I am David Lambert,British citizen and Principal assurance manager for the HSBC in London. A staff of Yokozona consultancy firm got in touch with
me regarding the estate of Philip Smith. And an investment placed under our banks management 3 years ago.I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail
confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail.I contact you independent of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication.

I would like to intimate you with certain facts that
I believe would be of interest to you.

In 1997,the subject matter;Philip Smith came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division.
He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 48.35 million United States dollars,which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf.I was the officer assigned to his case,I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed.I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings.The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 6000 traditional stocks and bond managers and 2000 managers of alternative investments.Based on my advice,We spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins within few months of operation,the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 51 million United States Dollars,this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments. In mid 1998, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in United Kingdom.He directed that I liquidate the funds and had it deposited with United Assets Management UK (in their Securities Trading Firm).I informed him that HSBC London would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process,the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges.He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us.I contacted my affiliate in United Kingdom and had the funds made available to United Assets Management.

We undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited at United Assets Management UK United Kingdom.United Assets Management UK is a specialist bank that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash.In Line with instructions,the money was deposited with United Assets Management UK (in their Securities Trading Firm).

Philip Smith told me he wanted the money there as soon as he got into the United Kingdom,This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 25th February 1999.In Sept last year,we got a call from United Assets Management UK informing us about the inactivity of that particular portfolio.This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned,given the fact that I managed the international private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit at United Assets Management UK,and I could not understand why Philip Smith had not come forward to claim his deposit.I made futile efforts to locate Philip Smith.Four days later,information started to trickle in,apparently Philip Smith was dead.A person who suited his description was declared dead of AUTO ACCIDENT TRAUMA in Birmingham England.We were soon enough,able to identify the body and cause of death was confirmed.The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate.In the field of private banking,opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence,accounts are rarely held under a name;depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous.This bank also gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself,ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said,rarely do they nominate next of kin.

Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care,in this case; Philip Smith died intestate.

In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away,we instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the estate.This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful.We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem.It is this investigation that resulted in my being furnished with your details as a possible relative of the deceased.My official capacity dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation.You have unfortunately declared,and I know that you are in no way affiliated with this individual.What this means,you being the last batch of names we have considered is that our dear late fellow died with no known or identifiable family member.This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit.

According to practice, United Assets Management UK will by the end of this quarter broadcast a request for statements of claim to HSBC in London,failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit back to HSBC in London.This will result in the money entering the HSBC in London accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the private banking division.This will not happen if I have my way. What I wish to relate to you will smack off unethical practice but I want you to understand something.It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational.The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios.You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose.There is US$ 48,370,000.00 deposited in United Assets Management UK,I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so.

I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as United Assets Management UK is concerned,the transaction with Philip Smith concluded when I sent the funds to United Assets Management UK,all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process.United Assets Management UK has no single idea of the history or nature of the deposit.They are simply awaiting instructions to release the deposit to any party that comes forward.This is the situation.This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track this man's family;they have investigated for months and have found no family.The investigation has come to an end.

My proposal,I am prepared to place you as the next of kin in a position to instruct United Assets Management UK to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation.Upon receipt of the deposit,I am prepared to share the money with you in half.That is:I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50.

I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me,but that would have drawn a straight line to my involvement in claiming the deposit.I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you within a few days.I will simply inform the bank of the final closing of the file relating to Philip Smith I will then officially communicate with United Assets Management UK and instruct them to release the deposit to you.With these:all is done.I am aware of the consequences of this proposal.I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail.I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive.If my offer is of no appeal to you,delete this message and forget I ever contacted you.Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal.You may not know this but people like myself who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector.I am not a criminal and what I do,I do not find against good conscience,this may be hard for you to understand,but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move.Such opportunitiesonly come once in a lifetime.I cannot let this chance pass me by,for once I find myself in total control of my destiny.

These chances wont pass me by.I ask that you do not destroy my chance,if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me.I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities.There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking.I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank.I am the only one who knows of this situation,good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life.Lets share the blessing.

If you give me positive signals,I will initiate this process towards a conclusion.I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels;I will deny knowing you and about this project.I repeat,I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I want you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through the numbers I will provide you with and also through this email address; [email protected] I do not want any direct link between you and me.My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy.Please observe this instruction religiously.Please,again,note I am a family man,I have a wife and children.I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences are,but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold.This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients.Do not betray my confidence.If we can be of one accord,we should plan a meeting,soon.

I await your response.

Respectfully,

David Lambert

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 23 Jan 2011 Posts: 2

Just got this one. Looks like he is a local for me (ZA)

Return-Path: <[email protected]>
X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.2.5 (2008-06-10) on mx5.wmint.net
X-Spam-Level: ****
X-Spam-Status: No, score=4.9 required=5.0 tests=FORGED_MUA_OUTLOOK,
MSOE_MID_WRONG_CASE autolearn=disabled version=3.2.5
Delivered-To: mymail
Received: from mail.chico.net (mail.chiconet.com [198.69.255.80])
by mx5.wmint.net (Postfix) with ESMTP id 53C2D38000083
for <mymail>; Sun, 24 Apr 2011 10:51:02 +0200 (SAST)
Received: (qmail 16307 invoked by uid 0); 24 Apr 2011 08:44:20 -0000
Received: from vc-41-29-214-225.umts.vodacom.co.za (HELO User) ([email protected])
by mail.chico.net with ESMTPA; 24 Apr 2011 08:44:18 -0000
Reply-To: <[email protected]>
From: "David"<[email protected]>
Subject: Partnership Invitation
Date: Sun, 24 Apr 2011 10:44:15 +0200
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="Windows-1251"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2600.0000
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2600.0000
Message-Id: <[email protected]>
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

125 London Wall, London EC2Y 5AJ
I await your response via my confidential email address:[email protected]

INVITATION FOR PARTNERSHIP Good Day,

I am David Green with Chase Manhattan Bank, United Kingdom, which is a member of JPMorgan Chase & Co United States of America.
I am contacting you concerning a deceased customer and an investment he placed under our banks management Seven years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this email confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this email. I am contacting you independently of my investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. In the year 2002, the subject matter; came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of Ј15.000.000.00 (Fifteen Million Pounds Only), which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf.
I was the officer assigned to his case; I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer of the private banking sector then, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. This money was invested and profit margins were made during our first few months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at over Ј5.2 million(Five Million Two Hundred Thousand British Pounds Only) but In mid-2009, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in Hong Kong. He directed that I liquidate the funds and deposit it with Winglung Bank. I informed him that my Bank would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process. Cash movement across boarders has become especially strict since the incidents of September 11 I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the latter. The Bank is a specialist private Institution that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash. This Institution is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations. The deceased told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week. This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 24th of November 2009.
In August last year we got a call from Winglung Bank informing us about the inactivity of that particular portfolio. I made futile efforts to locate Mr Jonathan Charlotte.. I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of the Bank. Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently our client was dead. A person who suited his description was declared to have dead of a heart attack in cannel, in Southern part of France. We were soon enough to identify the body and cause of death was confirmed. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking, opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous.
This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful; we've used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem. It is this investigation that resulted in my being furnished with more details. According to practice, The Winglung Bank will by the end of last financial year broadcast a request for statements of claim to Bank, failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit back to Chase Manhattan Bank. This will result in the money entering the Bank accounting system.

My proposal:
What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those that occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose. There is Ј15.000.000.00 (Fifteen Million Pounds Only), which i alone have the full details and they will release the deposit to no one unless he or she has all documentations and proof. I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as my Bank is concerned.
I now seek your permission to present you as a next of kin to the deceased, as all documentations will be carefully worked to make you the beneficiary to the funds Ј15.000.000.00 .I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct the release of the deposit to you as the closest surviving person to him. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you. That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 70/30.I would have gone ahead to ask that the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. We can fine-tune this based on our interactions, am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this email. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you.
Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. I am not a criminal and I do not find what I'm doing against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come ones' way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. This chance won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking.
I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I want you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through the numbers I have provided to you above and also through this email address in this email. I do not want any direct link between you and myself. My official lines are not secured lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management policy. Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note that I am a family man; I have a wife and children. I send you this email not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing Mr. David Green

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

Mine is longer!! I wonder how much they paid for someone to come up with this garbage?

Quote:

It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational.

So I guess all of us "little people" just can't grasp that fraud and theft are standard practices in the banking world. Rolling Eyes

Most long-winded lad intro ever?	View next topic View previous topic