Bad Mother...

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Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 8:20 am

^^^To use it for the next passport request?
Sorry, but our idols can't get a run-off-the-mill membership card. They need something better.
*booting Photoshop*

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 9:26 am

Thanks Jeanette X. Have posted in your Idol thread. But, as they say, beware of false gods! Very Happy

next victim wrote:

Quote:

I promise to resist all temptation to molest Doughnut, or at least wait until noone is watching!

Ahh that's ok sweetie. Doughnut has enough love (and body mass index) for everyone! You go right ahead - and let me know when you're done! Wink

Mike is very happy to be taught what he thinks is a valuble lesson in love-lad scamming:

Quote:

Aww, that was really amazing, indeed, it was a pretty nice correction you made me realize I was living without and which I will always put in action; I will never disrespect you, never will I get you angry and I will never use any offensive language at you, I promise.

Anyways, I invited Susan over to the office and she did explained a lot of things but the most interesting part of it was when she mentioned about coming over to live with you, though, I complied and she insists coming over by next week but I am not with enough cash to sponsor her trip, it is what you know about because I am still owing a lot of debts; I have to pay up the hotel rent fee, internet and power bills, besides, what you know so well is that I am still owing all the workers on the site.

So, those are what have been pulling down my strength for the past weeks now, baby, is it a crime to be hardworking? [Oh the awful, awful irony] Because... Now, I have worked and yet I do not get payment. Anyways, I could remember I talked to you about assisting me with $5,570.00 to get me out of this mess, what is your plan for me about it?

Well, I am really impressed, I appreciate your effort and reasoning to have sent me such a calm, warming and thrilling message of change, I am glad I found you.

Doughnut is pleased but she wants to see if Mike can put his newfound warming, thrilling change into practice. Let's see if a dangling carrot (Ooer) will provide the incentive:

Quote:

Hello my darling Mike.

I love you too. I know you won't do anything to hurt me or make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I look forward to a letter from you describing the beautiful love making we will do. I would LOVE you to be as sexy as you like using nice words like I described to you. That would make me the happiest Doughnut in all the world!!

Darling thank you for talking to little Susan but I am confused. How can you invite her to the office whan she is staying in a hotel in the UK? You told me this ages ago. That's why I wanted to go and get her because it would only take a day for me to get there once I have hired the the people to remove the downstairs window and the lorry and the crane.

As for the money darling I can help you with that no problem. I do not wnat you to have your strength pulled down - you will need every last bit of it to make sweet love to me!!!

I want you to pay your workers, and all your bills and have some for yourself too. Granny left me £648,000 plus her cottage in the Cornwall Riveriera so you don't need to pay me back it will be my gift. Is $5,570.00 enough? Or do you need a bit more? Let me know and don't be ashamed. I know you work very hard at your job.

Please write soon with your sexy letter my daffodil is dry and needs your dinkle rain!!

Love you X

Doughnut.

PS I have also sent an email to Susan.

Little Susan sends a heart-wrenching tale of tears and bungled suicides:

Quote:

From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely apologize for not keeping in contact with you and I really regret my actions. Anyways, I just got back from school and I have spoken with Dad about you coming to pick me because he called me to come over to his office, though, he agreed about it which proofs that he loves and cares about me but he did said that he would miss me more than anything in this world, I saw tears rolling down his eyes and I cried.

Dad calmed me, he wiped off the tears on my face and he promised me that I will soon meet you, maybe next week, but, I will be the one to come over because I want to travel alone, told him and he asked me to suit myself, aah...

Well, I hope you are doing fine over there and not to worry, I will see you soon but I do not think Dad is financially buoyant at the moment because he wanted to make that an excuse, telling he has not been paid but I insisted I am seeing you next week.

I will write back when I get a reply, Susan.

Susan gets this from Doughnut:

Quote:

My dearest little daughter.

Thank you so much for your lovely apology. I'm glad that you understand that what you did and the way you did it was all wrong. If you're committing suicide by hanging yourself you need to use a slipknot, if you're slashing your wrists lie in a warm bath of water at the same time and if you're going to put a hosepipe on the exhaust of a car for christ's sake make sure there's petrol in it first.

I'm glad that's all sorted. We'll speak no more of it.

I love you little Susan.

Your yummy mummy Doughnut

PS. Daddy is saying some strange things. He thinks you're with him rather than in the hotel in the UK. I think his problems might be getting to him and he's going a bit crazy. I've said I'd help him and I will because I love your Daddy very much and I want us to be a family. But I'm scared that if he goes insane and/or becomes dangerous he might hurt us. Don't worry. I'll still look after you when he is in a lunatic asylum. We will visit him every other year until he's better.

Kiss kiss little susan. Say your prayers.

Dark enough for you, Terror? Wink

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:11 am

I imagine the lad desperately trying to invent a way to wriggle out of the mess he made about Susan's location. Mr. Green

If he says there was a rapid transfer - where did the money come from?

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:12 am

Er....yes, thank you very much Very Happy

Now I feel at home Very Happy

We should make Doughnut meet AM Very Happy

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:51 pm

Decided not to push the location thing just yet, Jeanette, as it still suits my purposes. As you will see it hardly registers a mention from Mike. Hmm…AM and Doughnut, Terror. One with a brain the size of a planet and the other with a body to match. Could work!

Mike sends:

Quote:

Hi Doughnut,

You do not have to be confused on whatsoever, everything will be fine, it is just a matter of time, which is what you know, anyways, to describe the beautiful love making we will do together, I will never do anything to hurt or make you angry, I will always show you some true love and I will make you get satisfied, believe me.

I always be your side, I will make myself available at your side... And, guess what! I will run the bath water for you, funny? [Funny? No, not particularly. And certainly not for you, laddo. Don't you realise Doughnut can only be cleaned with a mop? Must remember to mention that in my next letter] fWell, I will never make you go through any difficulty because I want my woman to live a stress-free life but I am really loosing some screws in my head because I wish I am there where you are, cuddling you in my warm arms, holding you in my hands, walking the mile in the dark night at the rising of the smiling moon and I do hope you would look into the matter of the money before the week runs out, so that everything will turn into reality, soon.

Mike

He also sends some copied love poem/song crap and then tags on this money request at the end:

Quote:

Well, about the money, when will it be? I know you would do it but I just have to remind you because I am supposed to have completed the project but I can't because I am owing some debts, anyways, I swear I don't know what I would do without you. You mean more to me than I can say and I hope that our relationship lasts forever and ever. I love you so much

Bye For Now Love You ...

Good Night

Your Husband Mike

My reply:

Quote:

Hi husband.

What lovely letters. Thank you. I don't want you to stop writing me sexy letters too though! I DO like those best of all as it is the first time anyone has written such things to me. Just remember to use the correct NICE words when you're describing making love. I would really like that.

As for the money darling well that's entirely up to you. Due to the nature of the money being from my dead, burnt Granny's estate and will the money is held in trust so I cannot withdraw the money for quite some time. But I can easily move it between bank accounts so if you like I can transfer what you need as soon as you can give me the details.

Thinking of you and looking at that photograph you sent me of your dinkle has made my breast-buds as hard as dustbin-lids and just as big, Mike.

I love you.

Write soon.

Doughnut XXXXX

PS. Letter for Susan sent separately. X

This was Susan's letter and she now calls herself Little Susan Very Happy

Quote:

I am very sorry for writing this late, I was busy solving arithmetic, also doing some domestic homework and keeping the rooms tidy and I have to wait until Dad finished using the computer, anyways, thanks for accepting my apology, I will never thought of such again, I promise.

Well, I will urge you help Dad so that he would be able to send me across to you because I need to spend my entire life with an affectionate, loving and caring Mum like you, I love you.

Missed you so much Mum

Kiss, Little Susan.

Oh dear. This is where the staying in a hotel bears fruit:

Quote:

Hello sweet Little Susan.

This is your big Super Mummy Doughnut. I'm glad that you will never think of such things as killing yourself again. When it is your time to go you will know. And I will be right there looking over you.

Now I know that you are telling some little lies, naughty girl. You do not need to keep the rooms tidy because you are in a hotel. Daddy told me that ages ago. They have cleaners and maids who keep the rooms tidy. I don't know why you have lied to me but you have. I know it is only small but you also know that I cannot abide liars. Especially little girls who do it. So I am sorry but you will have to be punished otherwise remember your tongue will turn black and fall out.

So like at school when you are bad they give you lines to write out. I want you to write 100 times:

Sorry for being a little liar Mummy Doughnut.

Now I know you kids are clever with computers and you can just cut out and stick words together without typing them so please write it by hand using a pen and then send a photograph of it to prove you have done it properly.

I'm sorry I have to be strict with you Little Susan but it's for your own good. And VERY IMPORTANT if you want to live with me and your Daddy.

I do love you Susan you adorable little Slattern.

Mummy Doughnut XXXX

And unfortunately for Mike, with payday on the horizon - all correspondence will be terse and to the point until I get my 100 lines.

I love baiting.

Love Phil X

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:59 pm

Susan needs to fill this out as well... http://www.bureauofcommunication.com/compose/apology

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:06 pm

Thanks Fartina!! That's brilliant. I'll send it to her after the 100 lines. She'll have a writing callous by the end of it all!

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 11:41 am

I got an Easter present! A Yummy Bank Account from Mike!!
He sent:

Quote:

Really, I thought as much that you might have been so worried about me and it was due to my busy and tight schedule, anyways... I am even more worried.

Well, Susan told me about what happened; told me that she did tidied up the rooms, doing some domestic part of it which she does sometimes, though, I scolded her about it.

Anyways... About the money, like I have said earlier, I would need only $5,750 to finish the project and probably come over to see you when I am done, and, here is the information you would need to making the payment:

Would be the happiest man on earth if you could make the payment today, I love you, Mike.

Will edit in a reply to Mike and Little Susan later.

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 11:58 am

Congratulations!!! Happy Easter!!!!

You deserve! Smile

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:27 pm

Thanks Sweet Poetry. Happy Easter to you too.

But it's not all bunnies and eggs - lets not forget the true meaning of this festive time. May all your lads end up nailed to a cross.

Love Phil X

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 1:11 am

Congrats on the piggy, Phil! I can't wait to see the handwritten lines from Susan to Mummy Doughnut. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 11:28 am

I was pointed in this direction and found this great thread. I live your work Phil. Especially the Catholic School of the Bleeding Conception. Sounds like a great school to put your kids in.

I'll be watching for updates as i am hooked on the romantic adventures of Mike and the doughnut.

Keep up the great work Phil.

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 12:08 am

Thanks Dora! Hello Dr Mike!

I wanted to write a proper reply to Mike and Little Susan but I've just got back from a gig with my band and I can't resist sending this:

Quote:

My darling husband Mike. Sorry for not replying sooner and thank you for the bank details.

I have just returned from the Cornwall Riviera where we were selling Granny's Cottage. I was going to keep it but then I realised that the wizened old crone's home wasn't accesible by fork-lift truck so there was no way I was going to get back there and to be honest I don't think you and Little Susan would be very comfortable as it only has one bedroom, Little Susan would have had to sleep in the kitchen with the cats. Which I have had put down you'll be glad to hear. The vet wanted £30 per cat to put them to sleep! And there was 12 of them! I just put a saucer of cream in the oven and eventually they all went in. Oh the cottage sold for £340,895 you'll be glad to hear because it overlooks the Bay of Torquay so it is a prime holiday spot.

Anyway. about the money transfer. I am very comfortable now what with Granny's estate and will and the sale of her cottage. So. I want to know that you don't need any more money than what you asked for. Honestly Darling I have more than enough so make sure you can pay off ALL your debts.

I also want to set up a trust fund for Little Susan so she can continue with her studies and go to University, She is such a good girl. I think £80,000 should be enough to get her started. Shall I transfer it to you at the same time as your money or separately?

There is one clause though. I appreciate that you scolded Little Susan for her lies but that is not the punishment. If we are going to be a family then she needs to learn. I will transfer the money when I receive her 100 lines that she has written so please make her do it straight away so that we can all be together as soon as possible.

I love you Mike you hunka hunka burning love. I love you Little Susan you little trollop.

Love your Wife and Mummy Doughnut

XXXXX

Come on. 100 measly lines for a an £85,000 possibly more depending on how greedy Mike is payout? I will expect them soon.

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:04 pm

It would seem that Mike totally believes that Doughnut is flush with cash. However, he does have one pertinent question:

Quote:

Baby, for not replying sooner, it is not a problem, just that I was so worried about what might have taken you away from the computer as well as messaging me, well, I must welcome you back from the Cornwall Riviera and I guess you really had a very nice time, though, I missed you.

Well, you asked if I was not going to demand for any more money, Baby, why that question? Anyways, the sum I demanded for is enough to settle all the debts and since you are now comfortable, I hope you would be able to make the transfer by next week and you did talked about setting up a trust fund for Susan so she could get on with her studies, yes, it is a very good idea because I would not want her to be a bad girl, I know you love her and you also want the best for her, so, you could as well add the £80,000 and transfer it at the same time.

And, could you please tell me what "Hunka Hunka" is? Anyways, I really cannot wait to see your fac, wishing My Wife a Happy Good Friday, I love you, Mike.

I'm laughing too much to reply at the moment. I'll wait until tomorrow.

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:22 pm

I'm SO glad I didn't glance at the that While I was on air... THAT coulda go me into all sorts of grief. But I so love it, the coolest siggy line I've ever seen Cool

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:28 pm

Quote:

I'm laughing too much to reply at the moment. I'll wait until tomorrow.

Stop! reply! I'm waiting! Wink

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:33 pm

Thanks Chrys but what exactly are you referring to? Mike's "fool forever"? or the fragrant Juliets selection of kecks?

Quick update for Sweet Poetry - Mike has some strange ideas:

Quote:

Hi My Love,

How are you and I hope you are doing pretty good, anyways, I have just called my Bank Manager and he advice I should tell you not to make the transfer at once, not even at the same time because he made me understand some facts which I felt is good to abide by.

Well, you would have to make it bits by bits and I suggest you first make a £20,000.00 transfer by tomorrow so that I could sort out things quickly before next week and I will always update and give instruction on how and when you would need to transfer the balance, what do you think the idea?

Your Love, Mike.

Interesting. Why would Mike want his big payout in installments? Does he or his Oga think one big one would flag up the account as unusual? Anyone have any thoughts? Of course Doughnut is happy to oblige. WHEN SHE GETS LITTLE SUSAN'S LINES!!

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:36 pm

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:31 pm

And here is Doughnut's reply:

Quote:

Hi Mike!!

Hope you don't mind me writing to you so late. To be honest I had a gentleman caller today. He was a religious man who came to tell me about God and sin and going to hell. I invited him in for a cup of tea and he stayed a lot later than he was expecting. I hope the church won't miss him!!

Mike I love you I'll do anything to help you. If you say that the £5,700 or whatever it was is enough to pay your debts and you don't need more that is fine. I admire your honesty. A lot of others would have asked for more to be greedy or cheating blooming gold-diggery men. But not you. Not my lovely Mikey. All you want is to pay your men and see Little Susan become a doctor or a lawyer or more likely a painted harlot. I admire that Mike.

What are the facts your bank advises? Is it really easier to send 4 transfers of £20,000 instead of 1? I'm sure there's a good reason but what is it?

Please tell Susan that Mummy Doughnut loves her and that she is waiting for the 100 lines. That girl is obviously slacking and the longer it goes on the worse it gets. Mike. If you don't teach childen right from wrong and how to be honest and live their lives with humility and integrity they grow up wanting to become politicians. Do you really want that for little Susan?

Oh. "Hunka hunka" means most loved or most favoured. As in
" I am happy to tolerate Little Susan but I hunka hunka Mike more."

Write soon sniggle-snuggle

Doughnut X

Sometimes I genuinely don't know where the stuff I type comes from.

Love Phil X

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 9:04 am

Mike and Little Susan send what they believe will begin the transfer of money:

Quote:

Most Loved,

You need to trust me, the £5,700 is enough to pay off my debts and I do not need more because I am not a cheating blooming gold-digger man who would ask for more and it is really easier to send the £80,000 in four transfers of £20,000 instead of one as advised by the Bank Manager.

Reason is because, when the transfer had been made into the account, it will reflect but it would be somehow difficult to withdraw from the account because £20,000 is the maximum amount that could transferred in a day, that is why.

Well, Baby, try and send the money today, you are my only saviour, I need to get off this mess, anyways, I have told Susan about the 100 lines and she had promised me to e-mail it to you, first thing tomorrow morning, which I am sure she is working on.

I love you, Mike.

Little Susan tries to make amends:

EDIT her accompanying email read:

Quote:

Good Morning Mum How Are You Doing Hope All Is Fine With You Am Just Missed You So Much Mum..

Mum Am Very Very Very Very Very Very Sorry Okay

Love You Mum

Morning Kiss From Little Susan

But it won't do:

Quote:

Good morning Mike my darling.

Honey I know you are a busy man with a lot of worries but they are all over now your Doughnut will take care of everything so it would be nice to get a letter from you now and then like your old letters when you used to tell me lovely things and be a little sexy. I would really appreciate that because I am missing you so much and need a bit of Mikey's special hugs. My daffodil is all dry and wilted and my breast-buds are sad and droopy down to my knees. I hope you can help : )

Darling I am sorry to say that Little Susan lied to you. She did not do the 100 lines. She wrote me a nice letter saying sorry and explaining about why she cleaned the hotel room but that's not the same thing is it? I don't know what's going on with that girl. She is being a naughty ninny. If she tells you she is going to do something and then doesn't do it then she is lying to you. And me. I really don't think I can have a lying little toerag in my house. And I'm certainly not going to give her a trust fund if she won't appreciate it. I'm sorry but it's the way I feel. Please speak to her and make sure she does as she is told this time. If we are going to be a family we need to stamp out this kind of behaviour right from the start. I'm sure as a loving, caring father and husband you will agree with me.

I understand about the bank transfer now. Thank you for explaining it clearly. I will start sending the money as soon as I hear from Little Susan.

I love you Mike with all the ample bottom of my heart.

Doughnut XXX

Come on Little Susan! You're holding up the pay!!

Love Phil X

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 6:06 am

Am in a public library reading this, and people are wondering why I'm pissing myself laughing! From the "Hunka hunka" which I someone have to work into a bait, to the letter attached

Too good! Smile

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:48 am

With the lad's style of handwriting, his apology will make several pages - and nice scanner fees at the cyper café. Mr. Green

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 5:05 pm

Little Susan wants to tell me how bad things are:

Quote:

Mummy Doughnut,

Dad is really mad at me and things are not how it used to be between father and daughter because this very morning, he looked straight into my eyes and said it to my face that I am a naughty bad luck girl who is not wanting his progress, it was really touching, I could not look him in his eye balls, I felt guilty and I did explained to him, I have sent the 100 Lines you requested for.

Anyways, Mummy Doughnut, please, overlook whatever I might have done wrong, please, make Dad a happy man, help him because he is no longer his normal self and he gets upset with me every time, I know you really love him and I love you two.

Little Susan

Ahh. Heart-wrenching stuff. BUt it won't wash with Doughnut the bad mother…

Quote:

Oh my poor darling daughter Little Susan.

I'm sorry if your Daddy was angry with you but sweetheart you brought this on yourself. We have a saying here in England "What do you call a man with cotton wool in his ears. Anything you like. He can't hear you." I think that says it all, really.

My dear little Susan. I really did appreciate the fact that you wrote me a letter in your best joined-up handwriting. But sweetie that was not what I told you to do. I said it was a punishment like you get in school. Lines. You probably don't have them nowadays but when Mummy Doughnut was a little girl the Nuns at my school The Bleeding Nose of Saint Langoustine made me do lines all the time when I was naughty. That, and stand on a table with my knickers on my head singing "Closer my God to thee".

I'm sorry if you didn't understand Mummy's instructions. I will show you. This is one line:

Mummy Doughnut loves Little Susan like a squirrel loves his nuts.

Now if I had to do 5 lines it would look like this:

Mummy Doughnut loves Little Susan like a squirrel loves his nuts.
Mummy Doughnut loves Little Susan like a squirrel loves his nuts.
Mummy Doughnut loves Little Susan like a squirrel loves his nuts.
Mummy Doughnut loves Little Susan like a squirrel loves his nuts.
Mummy Doughnut loves Little Susan like a squirrel loves his nuts.

What you have to do darling and as soon as you can because Daddy will only get more angry with you if you don't do it is write in your best handwriting:

Little Susan is a naughty numpty. Sorry Mummy Doughnut

Just write that out 100 times and we can say that you have done your punishment. Mummy Doughnut will forget all about it send your Daddy a nice present and one for you too and we can be a family.

I love you Little Susan you mountebank.

Mummy Doughnut XXXXXXX

Mike explains:

Quote:

You just need to help me out of this mess I am into, please, ignore whatever that she might have done, she could be naughty and at times, she could be rude but count less of her negative behaviour towards you, besides, I sent her away from the computer so that I can write you this piece of message.

Baby, Susan is your daughter, you are the only woman I have that could change her for good, believe me... Do not make me suffer, I am running out of the little patience to carry on with the whole pressure on me and this issue is a burden I know you could turn into relief.

[Ha! Is he talking about the super hotel project or his own super scam!]

Anyways, I am really missing you so much, even much more than words could say and about your dry and wilted daffodil, you do not need to worry, it is just a matter of time to get things sort, you have the whole of me and I will always make your breast buds raise and happy when I begin to make some good loving with you, trust me but all that could make it work out quicker is to try and understand how bad I am out of cash, please, help me.

Hugs, Mike.

Ahh. Doughnut will make it all better.

Quote:

Oh my sweet Mike.

Thank you so much for reading my letter and responding in all the ways I asked. Your words cheered me so much. I LOVE the thought of you making my breast-buds rise and I know you will make my daffodil moist again. I hope your dinkle doesn't get sore easily because I'm going to tear strips off of it!!! : )

Darling there is still the matter of Susan. She DID NOT DO THE 100 LINES! She sent me a letter instead. Don't worry I told her she was holding things up and making a delay in us being together and for me to send her trust fund money.

I'm sure she will do it straight away.

Then I'll be able to send you the good news of the transfer and you can give me the good news that you are on your way to me.

Love your Doughnut forever XXXXXXXX

Get scribbling Mike. Times a-wasting!

Love Phil X

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 5:40 pm

loved the line "I could not look him in his eye balls

" I assume that little Susan will still have to write the 100 lines in her own handwriting and not her daddy's. you'll check somehow to make sure that daddy doesn't do them for her? maybe make daddy write a sentence at the bottom of her 100 lines to confirm he watched her write each one of them. then you'll have to compare the writing. and if it's wrong, heaven forbid your wrath. Keep up the great work. clapping

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 6:01 pm

I loved !

Quote:

maybe make daddy write a sentence at the bottom of her 100 lines to confirm he watched her write each one of them. then you'll have to compare the writing. and if it's wrong, heaven forbid your wrath.