Don't get on that plane…! Ah. Too late.

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Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:10 pm

Posing as the slightly creepy underwear-obsessed Glenn "The Haz" I had a lovely long chat over two days with a love-lad. He makes a series of errors when trying to extract money and then makes it worse when he tries to salvage the scam.
WARNING - there's a bit of NSFW halfway through:

Nancy(14:43): sorry i was busy that time
Glenn(14:43): That's cool baby. I'd wait until the end of time for you X
Nancy(14:43): ok
Nancy(14:44): where are you from?
Glenn(14:44): I'm from the good ol USA baby. We're Number 1!! You're from Manchester, England yeah?
Nancy(14:45): ok
Nancy(14:45): so what are you upto?
Glenn(14:46): Well I'm sitting here on the sofa. Drinking a cup of coffee and surfing the intrenet airways.
Nancy(14:46): hmmmm
Nancy(14:46): are you engaged?
Nancy(14:46): what is your name?
Glenn(14:48: Am I engaged? What like to be married? Honey I wouldn't be
chatting to you if I was. That would be wrong. Dishonest. No I'm single. My
names Glenn but I don't like it. People call me The Haz. Much Cooler!! lol
Nancy(14:48: hmmm
Nancy(14:49): am nancy
Nancy(14:49): how old are you?
Glenn(14:49): I'm 32 years old. How bout you Nancy? Tell me a bit more about you.
Nancy(14:52): am 28yrs
Nancy(14:52): am the only child of the family
Glenn(14:52): Me too!
Nancy(14:53): so have you found a girl
Glenn(14:55): no not really. There was a girl I was writing to for a bit but it
didn't work out. She was kind of shy. I'm seriously looking for love but I like
to have a bit of fun too. I asked her what colour and kind of panties she was
wearing and she never spoke to me again. You're not shy are you?
Nancy(14:56): am not a kind of girl like that
Nancy(14:56): i can tell you
Nancy(14:57): but if you can promise me that you will never shit over me
Glenn(14:59): Darling I would never do that. That's disgusting. I mean I know there are some people who get their kicks during sex by going to the bathroom on each other but that's just perverted.
Nancy(15:00): ok
Nancy(15:00): so what can i do for you now?
Glenn(15:01): Well you said you weren't shy and that you'd tell me what kind of panties you had on. I'd like to hear that. Then you can ask me anything.
Nancy(15:02): am putting on pink pant
Glenn(15:02): Ooo nice. I like pink. what kind?
Nancy(15:03): jinsring
Glenn(15:04): I bet you look amazing in those. Thanks baby I can tell you're a fun girl. Anything you want to ask me now?
Nancy(15:05): ii really like you too
Nancy(15:05): am even falling in love with you right now
Nancy(15:06): bcos you really speak sweet words to me
Nancy(15:06): i wish to be with you
Glenn(15:07): Oh darling I would speak sweet words to you and make sweet love too You sound beautiful. I would like to be with you too.
Nancy(15:07): but can i come to you?
Nancy(15:07): but am poor
Glenn(15:08: Yeah I heard things in the UK were bad with the money and all. Damn governments and damn banks.
Nancy(15:08: yes
Nancy(15:08: that why i said am poor
Nancy(15:09): can you help me pls
Glenn(15:10): Well baby I don't know. We're just getting to know each other. I remember from your profile on the date site that you're pretty but could you maybe send me some photos so I could take a proper look?
Nancy(15:11): that is no problem
Nancy(15:11): i will
Nancy(15:11): but can you help me first?
Glenn(15:11): Help you now? How?
Nancy(15:11): i need ticket to usa
Nancy(15:12): i am coming i want to get coffe
Glenn(15:13): You're coming? What like an orgasm?
Nancy is offline

Nancy(14:37): hello
Nancy(14:37): how are you?
Glenn(14:37): Hi Nancy. I'm good. What kind of panties you got on today
darling?
Nancy(14:38: red
Glenn(14:38: The same red ones as last time or new ones! lol
Nancy(14:39): new one
Glenn(14:38: great. What kind?
Nancy(14:41): nomal pant
Glenn(14:42): Oh ok. Like a brief or something. Not a geestring. I bet they're nice though. Cotton or silky?
Nancy(14:42): cotton
Nancy(14:42): stop that my pussy is w
Nancy(14:42): et
Glenn(14:43): OOO baby. I'm sorry! You better take them off or you will catch a cold.
Nancy(14:44): huhu aaaaaaa
Glenn(14:44): That's a sweet noise you're making.
Nancy(14:45): ok
Nancy(14:45): do you want to marry me?
Glenn(14:45): Darling I'll take you to Vegas and we'll get Elvis to do the ceremony!
Nancy(14:46): wow
Nancy is offline

Nancy(15:09): are you there?
Glenn(15:11): Oh hi baby I thought you'd gone. Glad you're back. did you have to go and change your wet panties?
Nancy(15:12): nope
Nancy(15:12): tell me when you will come to me?
Glenn(15:12): Well when are you free baby?
Nancy(15:14): any thing io am free
Glenn(15:15): Well alright!! I'll have a word with my boss and tell him I want to take some holiday. How long do you want to spend? A week? Fortnight? Month? Forever!! lol
Nancy(15:16): two weeks
Glenn(15:16): Sounds good. How about one week in England and then I'll take you somewhere. On me. I'll pay. Ever been to Paris? I hear it's real romantic. XX
Nancy(15:17): ok
Nancy(15:17): cool
Glenn(15:18: Excellent. I'll buy you some of that sexy french underwear! You know all lacy and soft?
Nancy(15:19): are you there?
Glenn(15:19): yep
Nancy(15:20): but cam you help me with something??
Glenn(15:20): what is it darling?
Nancy(15:21): i want to buy a gown i want to attend my friends wedding
Glenn(15:21): right
Nancy(15:22): yeah send a dress to me
Glenn(15:22): Well darling I'd need to know your sizes and everything.
Nancy(15:23): ok
Nancy(15:23): just send the money i will get it here?
Glenn(15:25): That's ok baby I don't mind sending you a dress. I'd like to. Youjust tell me what sizes you are and what colour you want and I'll do the rest. I bet I can get you something real pretty from america. All the other girls in England will never have seen before. They'll be real jealous!!
Nancy(15:26): hmmmmmmmm
Glenn(15:26): You'll be the most beauitiful girl at the ball. I bet you'll even
make the bride look like she's wearing just an old sack. LOL
Nancy(15:27): ok
Nancy(15:28: will you add some money to it?
Glenn(15:28: Sure darling I can put some cash in the
Glenn(15:28: parcel
Nancy(15:29): ok
Nancy(15:29): how much
Glenn(15:29): Well how much you need?
Nancy(15:30): how much do you want to send?
Glenn(15:31): Well I'm not sure what you want to spend the money on? Is it for the wedding? You know to go with the dress?
Nancy(15:33): i want to give her as a present
Glenn(15:33): Oh I see! Sure no problem. I bet you want to get her something nice.
Nancy(15:33): ok
Nancy(15:34): i want to give her husband some shirt i will buy it here in uk
Glenn(15:35): I wouldn't do that baby. The bride might get mad and think you're trying to flirt with him. I think you better get something that's for both of them.
Nancy(15:36): ok
Nancy(15:36): thank you
Nancy(15:36): when are you sending it
Glenn(15:38: Well as soon as I know your sizes for the dress I'll go to the
mall and get it for you so I can do that tomorrow maybe. Just tell me how much cash you want in the parcel and I'll put it in and add some for yourself too. Maybe you could buy some underwear to go with the dress.
Nancy is offline
The Next day
Nancy(13:49): hello
Nancy(13:49): how are you?
Nancy(13:51): are you there?
Glenn(13:53): Hi Nancy sorry darling I was just fixing myself a snack and went to the kitchen. Nice to hear from you baby!!
Nancy(13:54): hm
Nancy(13:54): ok are you home?
Glenn(13:54): yeah darling I'm in my apartment.
Glenn(13:55): coffees just brewed
Glenn(13:55): I'll be right back X
Nancy(13:56): om
Nancy(13:58: are you there?
Glenn(14:01): Hi baby sorry about that. It's like 6am here and I got to have my coffee or I'm like a wild bear with a punched face!!
Nancy(14:03): hahahahahah
Glenn(14:03): yeah lol/ how you doing?
Nancy(14:03): am cool
Nancy(14:03): when will you send the dress
Nancy(14:03): and the money
Glenn(14:05): sorry baby I'm still asleep I just pressed the wrong button and started to write you an email!! LOL
Nancy(14:05): ok
Glenn(14:05): What I was going to say was as soon as you want me to. Don't forget you were going to email me your sizes and a couple of pictures of yourself so I can get the right thing.
Nancy(14:06): i want you to help me
Glenn(14:06): sure thats why I said I was happy to. I really want to go and get you that beatiful dress baby X
Nancy(14:07): rigth now i need money i need some one to help me
Nancy(14:07): please
Nancy(14:08: talk to me
Nancy(14:08: i need to go to africa
Glenn(14:09): you need to go to Africa? why the hell would you want to do that?
Nancy(14:10): i am in africa i want to claim my father crude oil
Nancy(14:10): ok
Nancy(14:10): ?
Nancy(14:10): if you cant help me just tell me
Glenn(14:10): You're in Africa? How the hell did you get there? You were in
Manchester two days ago.
Glenn(14:11): Honey I can help but what happened?
Nancy(14:11): i need to go away from here i am in danger
Nancy(14:12): the crude oil manager said they should kill me
Nancy(14:12): here in nigeria
Nancy(14:12): my hotel bill are due
Glenn(14:13): Honey there is a war going on in Nigeria I think the last thing
you should worry about is the hotel bill. Just get out of there and get to the
British Embassy they'll help you.
Glenn(14:14): Have you told your friend you won't be able to make the wedding?
Glenn(14:15): Nancy?
Nancy(14:16): yeah
Glenn(14:16): Did you just read what I sent?
Nancy(14:16): yeah
Nancy(14:17): i have been there they told me to contact my family they should send some money
Glenn(14:17): They didn't offer you protection or offer to fly you home?
Nancy(14:18: they are very stupid here
Glenn(14:18: Yeah I heard that about Nigerians - dumb as a piece of cowshit. You been in touch with your family?
Nancy(14:19): no
Nancy(14:19): if you can go to uk
Nancy(14:19): i will give you there address
Nancy(14:19): they should send some money to me
Nancy(14:20): i promise i will return your fligth bills back to you
Glenn(14:20): Sure baby. I'll try to help you any way I can. What's the address in England?
Nancy(14:22): talk to me please
Glenn(14:23): yes darling. What's the address? I'll help you.
Nancy(14:24): Southmoor Rd, Manchester
Nancy(14:24): house 54
Nancy(14:25): beside hamony hospital
Nancy(14:25): or
Nancy(14:25): can you send me a ticket of uk
Nancy(14:25): of
Nancy(14:25): virgin atlantic
Glenn(14:26): Ok. baby No problem I'll get there as fast as I can. Who is there your Mum and Dad?
Nancy(14:26): my mum
Nancy(14:27): or if you cant make it send some money down here
Glenn(14:27): Ok baby. What's her name? I don't want to just show up.
Nancy(14:27): kate smith
Glenn(14:28: Ok baby you hang in there I'll sort everything out. Don't be
afraid.
Nancy(14:28: ok
Nancy(14:28: thanks
Glenn(14:28: Ok I got to go now I'll be in touch real soon XXX

And with that The Haz is on the next flight to England. He is a man of ACTION! He's going to be pretty angry when he knocks on the door and finds out Mrs Smith doesn't live there, though. Nancy better have a good explanation. But back in cyberland there is still a plaintive call…

Nancy(14:29): or can you send 1000 dollars down here
Nancy(14:29): i want to settle my hotel bills
Nancy(14:29): <ding>
Nancy(14:31): <ding>
Nancy(14:31): talk to me
Nancy(14:33): are you there?
Nancy(14:40): <ding>

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 6:45 pm

Quote:

Glenn(15:02): Ooo nice. I like pink. what kind?
Nancy(15:03): jinsring

Jinsring panties always get me hot....

Always funny when a lad loses track of which scam he is running. Not only is she stuck in Nigeria, but she is going to miss her friend's wedding!

Too funny.

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:00 pm

Ha! Thanks IM! I laughed out loud when I read jinsring too. Lads can be hilarious sometimes.

After a few days I managed to catch Nancy on chat and asked for an explanation.

Glenn(12:36): Hey Nancy. Are you ok? Are you safe? I just got back and I'm
seriously jetlagged so can't sleep. What happened? Why did you make me do that?
Please explain.
Nancy(12:38: i told you that will you help me and you said no
Glenn(12:38: What? I DID help you you asked if I could go to your Mums house -

it was an emergency so I did! That's not helping you? How?
Nancy(12:39): to send me money
Glenn(12:40): I don't remember that part it all happened so quickly. Why did
you send me to a house where they never heard of you. Why?
Glenn(12:45): Nancy. Just tell me what happened. I may still be able to help
you.
Glenn(12:49): Look. If it's about the money for the plane tickets don't worry.
I used my air miles so it didn't really cost me anything - just my time. I only
want to know that you're ok and what happened. If you don't reply to this then
I'll assume you are safe and well and don't need my help.
Nancy(12:51): i am sorry i need your help
Nancy(12:52): atleast 1500 dollars
Glenn(12:55): Ok darling. I know things must be bad for you there in Nigeria.
I'm not saying I can't help you or won't help you. I probably can and will. But
honey you have to see it from my point of view. Thank you for saying sorry. But
please just explain to me why you asked me to go to England to your Mum's house
but it wasn't your Mum who lived there. I just need to know that and then we can

move on. OK?
Nancy(12:55): my
Nancy(12:55): mum lives there
Nancy(12:56): i am just telling you to go there maybe she can send money
Glenn(12:57): I understand that darling. But your Mum doesn't live there. A man

from Pakistan called Mr Patel lives there. He'd never heard of you and he said
he'd lived there for 10 years. Can you see why I'm confused?
Nancy(12:58: maybe you miss the place
Glenn(12:58: No darling you gave me the address. I wrote it down.
Nancy(12:59): please that is not the issue i want to get out of here i need
money
Glenn(13:01): Darling I want you to get out of there too. I have money don't
worry but this IS the issue. If I help you I don't want to be sent on wild pig
chases again.
Glenn(13:06): Ok Nancy. I've just flown 1000s of miles for you. I'm tired.
You're probably scared. Send me an email explaining everything including why the

confusion about your Mum's house and I'll see what I can do. I'm going to bed
now. Maybe things will be clearer in the morning. Take care. Bye.
Nancy is offline.

Probably won't run into her again. Ah well.

Love Phil X

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:37 pm

And now your lad goes to his oga and says "Kick me hard, I'm too stupid to do a love scam properly."

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:14 pm

Thanks Jeanette! I love that image. Then after he's been kicked in the pants he has to say "Thank you Sir. May I have some more." And then he has to stand in the corner with a cardboard cone on his head with a big D on it. Very Happy

While all the other lads in the room point and snigger and the Oga says "Back to work!"

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