My Trans-gendered Hitlad -- Part Two

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Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:05 pm

devil killer to me 9/27/10
I was told to tell you to pay the money in $3000 till it is complete, when the first $3000 has gotten to my hands you will be asked to pay another till its complete. And one more insult from you, you will not like your self, i also go beyond orders, and it will be my pleasure to kill you if i hear one more insult. you are lucky i am ask to see if you will try to be smart about sending the money before i pull the trigger.

you have and angel watching over you, and you took the wise choice paying this money other wise i would have enjoyed killing you because apart from orders that i follow i don't like you. so don't try to fuck up.

Pat DuTuschie to devil 9/27/10
I will not expose myself by making a bunch of unsecured $3000 payments.

Either you do it my way or you tell Ivanna that she has no deal.
As far as insults are concerned, I suggest you do your job and work for your mistress. If you act like a fool do not be surprised that you are called a fool. If you do not like being insulted stop behaving like an idiot and I will not insult you again. Keep acting like a child and I will address you like one.

Now have your person access this money today, or I will have it withdrawn and the deal is off. I have dealt with the likes of you and the woman who is your master before. I did not get to be a man of my advanced age by not knowing how to take care of unreasonable people including little boys like you who work for old women.

This is your last chance. Either accept this offer or you can go explain to your mistress how you lost 20,000 dollars for her. If I die, she will not get a penny and my family will look for revenge. If any of my family is harmed, I will be sure to use my influence to harm Ivanna's business everywhere I can--and she knows that is not an idle threat. Either way, if you do not take this offer, Ivanna will lose money and she will not be happy with you. As soon as I send you this email I am instructing Security Shield to put a 48-hour clock on this transaction. if the money is not accepted in 48 hours it will automatically be withdrawn.

devil killer to me 9/28/10
You are getting on my last nerves, i can't wait to get the call and kill you i promise it will be painful after that i will kill your whole family that is a promise i give you.

devil killer to me 9/28/10
You are going to attract, more trouble from my boss and from me cuz i cant wait for orders right now to kill you, nobody is going to trace you my boss has given you his word so send the money via western union.and also you do not have the right to give orders. last chance for you.

devil killer to me 9/28/10
you have a few minutes to send that money or oh my God i will enjoy killing you DUTUSCHIE[I think my hitlad is not happy—Time to slap him]

Pat DuTuschie to devil 9/28/10

Pay attention you filthy pile of shit.
I have already set up a payment of twenty thousand US dollars! What more could you want?

Security Shield will give you all the information you need. I am not sending any money that can be traced back to my location. If you think I am going to trust Ivanna or you, you are out of your mind. She is a ruthless mobster and you are a murderer. I would be insane to trust either of you. If you do not collect it, it is not my fault, you lazy sack of infected puss.

Now, just TRY to come and get me. I know you are bluffing, you goatfucking murderer. I know you do not know where I am. If you knew, you would never have emailed me a warning. You would have just done your job. So you tell Ivanna, either take the money I offered or go to hell.

You have less than 24 hours before the Security Shield transfer is canceled and the $20000.00 is gone forever. She would be crazy to turn it down and so would you. Think about it--but think fast, because I am running out of patience and I have more confidence every day that you are bluffing.

That is final.

[He replied with the same message as before, but this time it is in red letters.]

devil killer to me 9/28/10 you have a few minutes to send that money or oh my God i will enjoy killing you DUTUSCHIE

[I figure now is as good a time as any to show some interest in him and ask a question that (if he would think about it) actually applies to the real person hi is, not the fake hitlad he is pretending to be.]

Pat DuTuschie to devil 9/28/10
Listen, why do you want to live this sort of criminal life anyway? If you have any skill as an assasin and if you can do your work without guns of any sort, why don't you get into the private bodyguard business instead? Then, instead of threatening people, you could actually help people and make them safer.

I know about this because I am old and frail but I still travel around the world for business. When I visit unsafe parts of the world like the Russia or Middle East or West Africa or Indonesia, I hire local armored cars and local bodyguards and I pay them very well. In Damascus I pay three men $500.00 each per day plus expenses. In Lagos and Moscow I pay twice as much because of the mobsters and threat of kidnapping for ransom.

I know that Ivanna will pay you almost nothing for your criminal activity. How much has she paid you to try to get money from me through this action you are contemplating right now? Nothing--right? And yet you have had to travel to try to find me. This has likely cost you money so far. And what will you get when you cannot locate me? Nothing! You will be out the money you spent trying to find me.

You should meet business men like me who require protection with the help of people who understand criminals. You would do much better for yourself.

[Frustrated, out hitlad hero tries to bluff me]

devil killer to me 9/28/10
SOON YOU WILL KNOW IF I KNOW WERE YOU ARE.

Pat DuTuschie to devil 9/28/10
I know you are bluffing.
When Ivanna realizes that you threw $20,000.00 into the garbage she will have you killed

[Naturally, I survive the night in spite of Devil Killer’s threat. I remind him of that fact the next day. At the same time I think it might string him along a little better if I adopt a tone of concern. I want him to know that I think the threat is real, but believe he simply hasn’t found me yet.]

Pat DuTuschie to devil 9/29/10

Well, I see that you did not locate me last night, and I did not get any message from Security Shield that your people took the payment, so what are you waiting for?

Listen, if you do not give this money to Ivanna, I do NOT want to have her coming after me. Do you understand? I have tried to oblige her. It is you who is messing this up. She had better not send more goons after me because you are too lazy or stupid or stubborn or whatever to simply pick up the money I have sent to her. I do not like having this constant expense for increased security. Your stupid delays are costing me money.

[He’s starting to get the idea that This DuTuschie fellow is not easily frightened for his own sake, so he broaden the target to my family. Rather than simply call his bluff, I decide to ratchet up the bait and try to see if I can get him to go on a mini-safari. I know that he is not in London (he claimed he was in an SS-related mail, but his IP is Lagos), yet I set up a possible meeting there—with the potential to go for something in Africa instead.]

devil killer to me 9/29/10
CALL ALL MEMBERS OF YOU FAMILY AND FIND OUT IF THEY ARE OK.

Pat DuTuschie to devil 9/29/10

Go to hell you bastard. If any of my family is harmed, you will suffer.
You won't pick up the money; what the hell do you want me to do?
I will be stopping over for about six hours in Europe in October while on my way to South Africa. Tell Ivanna she can have one of her people meet me October 10th at 12:00 noon at the underground station entrance in London's Heathrow Airport and I will hand over a travel bag containing $20,000.00. No weapons can be brought into the airport and security will prevent you or any of her other goons from harming me--and nobody can trace me back to my home location.

We can work out the details on how to identify each other later.
In the meanwhile, if Ivanna is ok with this, tell her to call off her dogs.

[I then wait about 40 minutes to allow my character time to “check up” on his family—and then slap him for adding my family to his bluff-and essentially tell him in terms that many lads use, that I know he is scamming—this is a calculated risk--I want him think that I am not really sure he is joking at all—that this is a sort of bluff on my own part.]

Pat DuTuschie to devil 9/29/10

I have had enough of you, shithead. My family is fine. Go take your stupid, unfunny joking elsewhere. Grow up little boy!

[More to Follow in REPLY]

[Edit -- Corrected subject line 3/22]

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:11 pm

devil killer to me
9/30/10

Listen to me, nobody will meet you any were unless my Boss say's so you are still alive because i was asked to wait and see your next move but i can see that after my boss gets this mail you maybe history. I am going to enjoying you i swear

Pat DuTuschie to devil
9/30/10

And how happy is she that you refused to pick up $20,000?

If you will not accept an untraceable transfer, the best I can do is set up a meeting in a very public place that has its own security like an airport. As for me, I hope she sends you to pick it up so I can see if you look as stupid as you seem. It would be a pleasure to see your idiot face knowing that you are on a leash and that my bodyguards are right there. Just remember this, Assassin, I have enough wealth to buy three punks like you when I travel.

Ivanna wants the money. I don't give a damn what you want.

[This seems to put a bit of Moxie into the lad]

devil killer to me
10/1/10

FROM THE WAY THING ARE GOING, I DON'T THINK YOU WILL LAST TO SEE MY FACE TO FACE. YOU CAN INSULT ME ALL YOU WANT BUT THE ONLY THING THAT GIVES ME JOY IS THAT I WILL SOON PUT A GUN IN YOUR HEART. THEN LET US SEE HOW WILL BE TALKING , AND WHEN I DO I WILL SEE HOW YOU WILL SPEND ALL THE MONEY YOU CLAIM TO HAVE. DO YOU KNOW WERE I WAS BROUGHT FROM TO DO THIS JOB I AM THE BEST THERE IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE SO AM NO SCARE OF YOUR GUARDS.

[Slap time: he is just an underling in this business, after all.]

Pat DuTuschie to devil
10/1/10

Really, don’t bother with your bluffing. If you or Ivanna knew how to reach me, you would have by now. You have the brain of a small child.
Now be a good young fellow and send my offer to your boss. You are wasting her time and mine. Tell her that if she does not accept this generous offer or make a reasonable counter-offer within two days, the deal is off.

I will be in Europe and then in South Africa in a few weeks, and I want some time to set up a safe, public meeting. If she needs me to go to a particular airport en route (and I agree it is safe), I will consider it.

devil killer to me
10/1/10
My boss want's you to send the money and gives you a promise that nobody will trace you. that is the final agreement ok. but the problem is you cannot send the whole 20k via western union. so you have to break it down

Pat DuTuschie to devil
10/1/10
No deal.

[His next response made me laugh hysterically. The following arrives with 5 minutes. It is written in 20pt italicized, red bold font:]

devil killer to me
10/1/10

death
death death death death death death death
death death death death death death death
death death death death death death death
death death death death death death death
death death death death death death death
death death

[The above arrived late on a Friday. I decided to let him wait until Monday, since he seems to take most weekends off.

Pat DuTuschie to devil
10/4/10

Well, well. I traveled over the weekend only to find this nonsense from you. What kind of idiot are you?

Am I supposed to be frightened by your big red letters? I have made every effort to settle this, and the best you can do is send me an idiot's message? Listen, you moron. Did someone replace your brains with a steaming pile of dog shit? Every day you send me messages that prove to me that you have no idea where I am located.

Go away child. You are not serious and you are an incompetent fool of an assassin. You will get your just reward from Ivanna when she realizes what a total fool you are.

Did you see me today? What was I wearing? What color shirt did I wear today?

You have no idea.

You may tell Ivanna that I withdraw my offer of $20,000. When she asks you why I withdraw the offer, please tell her it is because I am sure that you do not know how to find me. You have been playing like a child because you could not do your job and locate me. I bet that you are frightened indeed. You know what she will have done to you, don't you? Those Russians really know their business. Some people think she has hired some former KGB thugs. Those guys really know how to make you suffer.

devil killer to me 10/4/10

LETS SEE WHO WILL STAY ALIVE. WHEN I GET THE ORDERS.

Pat DuTuschie to devil 10/6/10

You are an idiot.

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:31 pm

[At this time the lad finally takes the bait and decided that he needs to have the real power behind the hitman contact me, so my lad transformed into a laddette! My dear “Devil Killer” decided he will have to also be “Ivanna” (a character I made up).

Having a lad try to impersonate someone who he has never met and who his target [has] met is a sort of comedy dream come true. Form this point on the bait gets more silly—with the lad desperately trying to use any clue he can to maintain his new identity—he even tries turning this into a romance scam! Wait until he discovers that DuTuschie expects her to speak Russian!].

Ivanna wake to me
10/6/10

I SPARED YOUR LIFE NOT BECAUSE I CANNOT KILL YOU BUT BECAUSE I FEEL SOMETHING FOR YOU. I HIRED SOMEONE TO KILL YOU HE COULD HAVE BUT I ASKED HIM TO WAIT.

[This is too good to pass up. I decide to introduce some sort of Indiana Jones type of drama to the story. I also add in some Russian (Thanks Babelfish.) just to make him work harder. ]

Pat DuTuschie to Ivanna
10/6/10

Well well. What a surprise after all these years!
Ivanna, вы похититель, you know I will never believe you or trust you. Почему вы делаете это? Это было установлено длиной тому назад. Я предложил вам $20.000.00 USD но ваш мальчик идиота был слишком тупоумн для того чтобы пойти получить его. Чего вы хотите от меня?

This should not be happening. You already have more than enough. Take my offer or leave me alone. I have already paid my security people enough overtime because of this nonsense that it is absurd. If your clown had simply taken the Security Shield delivery we would both be much happier right now. As it is, I will not pay off what I really do not owe. You should pay me for all the trouble you are causing me and upsetting my routine.

I am leaving for London next week. And then I have to visit Paris and then Johannesburg before returning to my home base. I would like to NOT need to pay for two extra companions plus their salary. Try to be sensible, Ivanna. I am not one of your criminal friends. I do not have the luxury of having bodyguards who work for almost nothing. These guys are professionals and they are expensive. Damn it, bringing these guys on this trip will cost me more than the $20,000.00 I was going to give you to back off. I have to pay their wages, plus overtime wages, plus travel expenses, plus meals, plus airline tickets, plus I have to rent an armored car in every damn city I visit--all because of you and your greed.

By the way, your hired man is not genuine. Why did you hire him? Did you think I would not know who hired him? Who else would want to have me killed, but you, Ivanna? Do not have him harmed! He is most likely very frustrated at not being able to find me or anyone close to me. That is not the poor fellow's fault if you could not supply him with the information he needed to do his job. Don't misunderstand me, I have no sympathy for a killer like him, but I do not want any bloodshed on account of anything that had to do with that gold. It has been around twenty years, and it is still leaving a trail of violence. Perhaps it was really cursed just like the Egyptian believed. Regardless, I do not want anyone's life to be in danger--not even the life of a killer. I am not like you Ivanna. I have a conscience and I will not live a life of crime.
до свидания,

DuTuschie

[The next day “Devil Killer” displays a new attitude—apparently he is now at my “beck and call”]

devil killer to me
10/7/10

so you went to get the efcc for me right

a certain group wrote to me claiming to be effcc did you send them. and by the way my boss called saying i should apologies for all the insult i said to you so am sorry , forgive me and thanks for saying those things to her about i dont know what they are but she said so so i am sorry. she said i should be at the beck and core so am here any time you need me. for anything.

Pat DuTuschie to devil
10/8/10

I did not notify the EFFCC.

Besides, if they wanted you they would not send you email. They would imply have you located and arrested. By the way, why are you concerned about the EFFCC which oversees matters of financial corruption in Nigeria?

[I would have (should have) taken advantage of this development by having my hitlad jump through many hoops, he totally distracted me by doing something even MORE amusing wih the 'Ivanna" transformation]

Form this point on the bait gets more silly—with the lad desperately trying to use any clue he can to maintain his new identity.]

In the meanwhile, he is back as Ivanna. He has discovered Babelfish himself. I’ll let you guys go get the translation, since I’m just too lazy at the moment.

Ivanna wake to me
10/8/10

Пожалуйста, жду помощи, я так счастлив, что вы сказали, что вы поможете мне еще раз спасибо я что-нибудь сделать для вас после этого закончилась, я уже спросил убийцу, чтобы связаться с вами и извинений я обещаю вам ваши деньги обратно

[Perhaps it is a cultural thing, but it seems that my hitlad very quickly forgets that Ivanna is a ruthless woman of the Russian Mob. "She" writes to me using the pitiful refugee voice of the typical romance scammer.]

Ivanna wake to me 10/8/10
i prefer the security shield but i had difficulty filling the first one you sent. so please if you do send the money also fill the form for me because i could not fill the first one i did but nothing happened, and you cannot be traced by western union who ever told you that it is not true, if you are still afraid just fill in a fake address when you are sending me the money. can you do that for me i am alone and cannot trace you how can i prove it to you. i cannot come out any how for long so cannot meet you any were please, i cannot trace you but if you are still scared just make the payment via your ss. and also explain how to fill it for me i already did the first but it did not work.

[The lad’s problem really boils down to the fact that he is afraid of Security Shield. I’m pretty sure he thinks his accessing it could get him nabbed. He sends a Babel-fish Russian letter begging to have only a mere $5000 via Western Union. ]

Ivanna wake to me 10/8/10
Еще одна вещь, вы не можете сделать платеж в размере $ 20000 будет слишком много вопросов и такой суммы не будет пройти. Я просто нуждается в немного денег, чтобы выйти из формы вот теперь, не очень большим, если я получаю $ 5000 я думаю, что все будет хорошо, я знаю, что я был плохим человеком, но, клянусь, я не говорю лежат мне нужно Ваша помощь быстро. Пожалуйста, если вы пришлете мне деньги, Western Union будет никаких следов, так что, потому что это легче для меня, чем любым другим способом. Я donnot даже есть время, чтобы сделать что-нибудь злое и когда утра из этого живым, если я выйти из этого я буду бросить любую вещь зла.[I let him stew for a few days.]

Ivanna wake to me 10/10/10
Not answering me only makes you like me, so you have choose not to help

[EWWWW! What hell is this lad thinking? ]

Pat DuTuschie to Ivanna
10/11/10

How dare you compare me with you!
I will set something up for you tomorrow. Be patient.

Pat DuTuschie to Ivanna
10/11/10

Fine. If all you want is 5000, that is good with me--provided I never hear from you again.

[From this point on, it only gets weirder--MUCH weirder.]

TO BE CONTINUED

insults and more · Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 11:04 pm

I like your style!

Hitlads may be manna from heaven.

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 6:21 am

More evidence that lads do not think things through. The incompetant assassin is like "I will kill you and your whole family and enjoy ripping your body apart. AHAHAHAHA! DEATHDEATHDEATH!!" while his evil boss is like "Oh, my darling, I am so distressed. Please help me. You know I love you. What we have shared!"

Anyone who wasn't deranged would be able to see that these two characters do not go together at all...

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 11 Apr 2011 Posts: 1

This one is funny Smile

especially Russian mafia part. You know, Russians read this forum as well, so if you will need correct translation next time, you may ask someone who actually speaks Russian. His reply was so terrible though... I almost blow my head off to understand what he means

Not quite a Newb Joined: 02 Feb 2011 Posts: 26

Where did you ever find this guy?! I've been looking for a hitlad for quite a while now but to no such luck.

419Eater is my life Joined: 08 Apr 2009 Posts: 375

I love this! I love HitLads! Too bad there's not too many of them around anymore. They are always the most fun to play with. Can't wait for the next installment.

Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 6:33 pm

GoRideEmCowboy wrote:

I love this! I love HitLads! Too bad there's not too many of them around anymore. They are always the most fun to play with. Can't wait for the next installment.

Thanks.

Actually, this is part 2.

Part 1, which you might have missed, is here: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=200060

Part 3 is here: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=200102

Part 4 is here: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=200203

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