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Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:21 am

So ages ago, I baited Rita as Chris, and I attempted to get her to travel to 5imba in Benin, unsuccessfully. After over a month of NADA, I get two emails in a day. Seems mum has passed on... Awwwwwwww, DIDDUMS! Here's the original thread:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=195060&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

IP addy is back to Ghana (in the end they traced to Dusseldorf Germany, maybe I was being scammed by Ralf Hutter! Wink

ipTRACKERonline.com wrote:

Header Analysis Quick Report
Originating IP: 41.93.136.85
Originating ISP: Expresso Telecom Ltd
City: n/a
Country of Origin: Ghana

First this:

Quote:

hello dear is long time i heard from you have you been in your normal way or still in the hospital
hope to hear from you sooner

Then the email that mum's carked it. Oh yeah, the fonts on these suckers are pretty damn big:

Quote:

hello how are you doing i have miss u where are you
dear is something wrong with you my mother is now died so i can come to you ok so i will like you to hold me once again am always for you know i don't have any body except you
so dear i can wait to bee with you
your love
RITA

Will edit in a response as soon as I think of one. Wink

And here it is. Seems Chris is now a broken man:

Quote:

My dear Rita,

I have been out of hospital for some time now and have returned to Australia after burying Anja, totally dejected and alone. I am incredibly lonely, I have quit my job and sold the apartment. I am renting a bedsit in Reservoir in Melbourne and spend most of my nights crying and drinking myself to sleep. I made a bit of money out of the sale of the apartment and have been living off of that, but cheap wine and a three day growth will not get you through life.

I thought I had everything, and in a few short weeks, I have lost everything I worked so hard for. My friends no longer speak to me, the band members have tried to enforce an intervention after seeing how much I drink, but I moved out of the apartment and so far they have been unable to trace me.

Rita, while I am saddened to hear about the death of your mother, you hurt me badly, and I am not certain I want to go through that again. Maybe if I was more certain there was even a chance we could work then I would love to rekindle our love, but I'd need to be certain that we would could work.

I seriously entertained the idea of suicide while I was in Germany, and indeed more than once I have revisited the idea in Reservoir. If you hurt me again, I doubt I could live with myself. Rita, let's start afresh and see where this goes...

Chris

Let's see who's more important, Chris or the laptop Wink

Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 10:17 pm

Got this back this morning:

Quote:

honey
sorry for been in the hospital for that long time i hope you are well but stop drinking and makeing unnersersery mistakes ok i still love you and i am happy you have accept me back in your heart i love you so much and i am happy of your mail you send me but look i have to be with you in the first place to comfort you in your defficulties ok i love so much honey i was all day thinking about you in my deart and i some time say may be some one have get your heart but thank GOD your heart is save for me ,,,,,,,,,,,,,
well i will be happy if you alow me to come to you there ,,,,
your ever
RITA

A safari to AUSTRALIA??? Oh hell yeah! As long as she pays for it! Will edit in a reply when I have more time. ETA to add my reply

Quote:

Rita,

You will come all the way to Australia to be with me??? I am amzed that you would do that, but it also fills me full of hope. when will you get here? I will meet you at the airport

Chris

Now I KNOW she's gonna ask for me to pay for the ticket, but I think she can just use all that gold her mother used to have. It'll be a test of "our love", that's for sure

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:47 am

Send her to Townsville, and let me know the time and place (and the sign she will hold). I'll get pics Mr. Green

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:46 am

Nah mate, if this bitch travels, it'll be to Smellbum, Victoria. And I'll get pics Smile

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2011 10:34 pm

Rita writes back. Seems she wants me to "help" in the payment:

Quote:

Hello chris am happy to here that u have also accept me in ur heart and u want me cloos to u ,,honey i will be happy if u help me in my incoming and i will appreciat it ,and i have try much to get some and i need ur help and surpport ..I will let u know how match i will need from u .Honey as for this time dont fail me . I love u with care big kiss to u ..... rita

"Honey as for this time don't fail me"... Sure, I can whip up a fake receipt for you Wink

ETA my reply:

Quote:

My dear Rita,

It is great to hear you are coming to Australia. I was so excited by the news that I have checked into the to overcome my addiction to alcohol and substance abuse. I will hopefully be clean by the time you get here

Chris

Any suggestions as to what ridiculous substances Chris could be abusing? I'm thinking Substance D from "A scanner darkly" myself

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 5:06 am

So Rita gets back to me. I haven't been given a figure just yet, but it'll be heaps:

Quote:

Honey are u there , i have get a traveling agent ,and he said he is going to help me to get me to get my doccument so honey he said he will send u the doccument by mail after we have get the papers so he will keep it till he have get his money ok and dear i will be happy if u send his money to him and i will be with u .Honey i can wait to be with in ur arms,because of that i have given the money that i told u i have save to him so i will get a new pasport so honey is left with only the visa,and the airticket .If u want to find more from the agent here is his email,,,<snipped>@yahoo.Com,,,honey i love u kisss

I'll play along for now. Maybe I'll need to introduce a a character or two of my own Wink

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 10:46 pm

So, Rita's been a busy little ETA eater. Three emails in one day, wondering why I haven't written back. But be fair, Chris is giving his addiction to Substance D for her:

Quote:

Hello dear i have not heard nothing about my last mail i send to u .About the agent i told u i have get now

I get that message twice. Then:

Quote:

Hello honey have agree of the agent even i have get a new pasport by him i gave him that money,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i love u dear

In the end I send this back. Seems I haven't been quite straight about my addiction to Substance D:

Quote:

Dear Rita,

I have been extremely busy. I have been to several different Rehab centres over the last few days , and my first suspicion was Correct. The handles celebrities, and while I'm hardly famous, they're more than qualified to handle my addiction to Substance D, as well as my drinking problem.

While I'm okay so far, the shakes will kick in in a few hours once my body realises I won't be getting any more D. Alcohol normally helps, but since I am giving up drinking as well, the next few weeks will be a living hell for me, as Substance D is really addictive and I've been on it since my band days. I apologise for not telling you this, but my D addiction is NOT something I am proud of, but I feel you need to know this if we are to be together.

I will write again once I have checked into Rehab.

Chris

I wonder what will happen when I start talking about my hallucinations??? Wink

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 9:56 am

I feel for you, man. Coming off the D is a bitch. You need to go cold turkey.
Cold ham, beef, in fact pretty much anything off the charcuterie platter.

sorry. I'll get my coat.

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:00 am

^^^ You two ARE my long lost brothers, you know? Very Happy

On a side note, I appreciated the movie a lot. Beautiful adaptation of the book.

By all means go for substance D: withdrawal can really make your brain go on the fritz. For maximum effect, combine Dick with Ellison and your lad is set for a straight trip throug existentialist Hell.

(yes, I *am* insane Very Happy

)

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:32 am

Well, Terror, Philip K did say: "It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane." So we're in good company!
I'm more of a Vonnegut man meself - "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."
That always sounded like a nice place to be.
So it goes.

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:37 am

I'm sure Slaughterhouse Five's main character would disagree with the last statement Very Happy

I myself practically worship 'ole Harlan. He practically ripped Moorcock off his throne on my charts when I was 20 Very Happy

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 2:17 pm

Bitchface writes back. Seems she doesn't understand my addiction:

Quote:

Why is it that u dont talk much about my incoming dear i love to be with u

Um, maybe 'cos I'm in rehab???:

Quote:

Are u there honey?I want to be with you

I think it's time to tear her a new one. Will edit in my reply when I think of it Language warning:

Quote:

Rita,

Of course I want to talk to you about traveling, but it's hard when I'm in Fucking REHAB! The detox from Substance D is not going well. It hurts all the time and I - the bugs, the fucking bugs get them away from me I'm covered in fucking bugs they're everywhere! You got some D you could sell me? I got money, lots of money

I'll write again when you're ready to spot me some D

I myself just say HELL YEAH to drugs Wink

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 4:07 am

I haven't been online much, due to RL, seems Rita's wants a little bit of cash:

Quote:

Hello dear the agent said every thing is ready and i have see it with my eyes i mean my doccuments so is left with his money and he said is only 2500$ and i will be with you soon so honey when will you send the money so i will get my doccumet and i will come to you honey here is the address to send the money name,Rita.Adobeah country,Ghana City .Berekum

And a few days later this:

Quote:

Honey are you there ,i have not hear anything from you

Will tear her a new one when I've got time. And while the temptation to vent is HUGE (I've had a shit day), I decide that it would be in more keeping to simply pretend I'm going cold turkey. LANGUAGE WARNING:

Quote:

Rita,

I'm not online all that much. Coming off of DRUGS is fucking hard, and the pain is excruciating! every day, the urge to get some D builds and I have to fight trying to leave the rehab clinic and scoring some D. Fuck Rita, it hurts so much, I wish you were here right now to help fight this living hell I am going through. Getting drunk would help, but I am fighting that as well.

When will you get here Rita? This is a fucking nightmare!

Chris

I want this bitch off script!

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:18 am

Almost perfect. I doubt this will get Laddo offscript, though. Appealing to whatever decency they may have is worthless.

Fear, greed and superstition work best Twisted Evil

Marvelous work as always though, mate. Rip'er to shreds Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 11:19 am

That lad is too lazy to try and find out what REHAB means; I guess he hasn't a clue what you are talking about. Does he need to be spoonfed? - Shame that your lovely plot seems to be lost on him. However, it is not lost on us!

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 11:01 pm

and in the end Jeanette, I bait partly for the amusement of of our fellow forum members. I get this back:

Quote:

Hello chris am sad when i hear that you are still in the hospital and i wish you will be ok but i can wait to be with you but i have to pay for the docment and i need your healp ok as you are in the clinic ,u can use you card to send it to me and i will pay it and get to you as soon as possible

will edit in a reply later

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:11 am

So, five days later and I get an email with the subject heading of "Am sad":

Quote:

Honey is long time i here from you why am waiting for your mail

I decide it's time to tear her a new one:

Quote:

Rita,

I am undergoing Drug withdrawals. I have locked away for the last week while I go through severe pain, trying to get off substance D. I am in Rehab for fuck's sake, and you expect me to be online constantly? Maybe you WANT me to get back on the D. Do you really love me Rita? Right now I'm having my doubts

Chris

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:22 am

I get this back. Seems she wants a pic of me in Rehab:

Quote:

Chris am sad when you said ,do i love you,and i believe in my heart i care about your condition ok and i love you soo much i rely love you with my heart am still playing that you will be fine and dear i want to see a picture of you in the rehab clinic and a wondring a bout you

Seems I'd better brush up on my photochop skills Wink

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:34 pm

Well fortunately for me, Phil Yerboots is MUCH better at Photochop than I am, and I quickly have four pics to send Rita. I also send this message:

Quote:

Rita,

Yes I actually AM still in Rehab and will be for some time. Getting off of Substance D is hard at the best of times, when you've been using it for as long as I have, well the less said the better. While I am making slight improvements, I have a long way to go and then I have to work where I am going to live, & what I am going to do for work. But at least I have you. I still have about 2/3 of the money I got for selling the apartment for once I get out, but accessing it in here has so far proved problematic, I guess they don't want me trying to smuggle in some D.

Against my better judgement, my therapists think it's actually not a bad idea for you to see the living conditions here at the Dame Edna Everage Memorial Retirement Centre, so I've attached some pics for you to see my life as it is now. I hope you'll still want to be with me once you see them, but I suspect you won't. Substance D withdrawals can be pretty brutal, even on loved ones

Chris

I loved how Phil managed to include the Dame as requested! Thanks Phil, you RULE!

Chrys

Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:39 pm

Seems Phil's photochops did the trick (and why WOULDN'T they?)! I get two emails from Rita, pretty much confirming my suspicions I've been passed onto someone else:

Quote:

Hello how are u dear i hope today you are fine ur condition is not good at all i have now se it sorry ok but why are u sealing your apartment for ,dont do that ok

We've already had the apartment conversation, I've sold it, not selling it. And this:

Quote:

Honey if u seal your apartment and i come to u where am i going to leave with u

Maybe in rehab??? Wink

ETA: My reply:

Quote:

Rita,

I thought we had this discussion, the apartment is SOLD, not being sold! I made a little more than I paid for it, and I've blown about $80,000 on my Substance D addiction since mid 2007! I'm not allowed to have cash with me in Rehab, so I'll still have 240,000 in the bank once I leave here, so finding a place to live shouldn't be a problem. A house or an apartment? Two bedrooms or three?

Anyhoo, gotta go, lights out soon. And I have to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for tomorrow's art therapy

Chris

Posted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 2:27 pm

Chrys wrote:

Quote:

I have to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for tomorrow's art therapy

I hear you're quite an artist. I wonder what Rita will make of your dark visions!

Love Phil X

Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:56 am

Nada it would seem, instead she wants to know how I access the internet:

Quote:

Hi Chris
honey thank you very much for your mail and am praying to GOD that you will be well and be patient you will be well ok
honey i have miss you in your words u use to tell me for some time ago but now you are not fine
am keeping my pussy hot for you till you be fine and i will be waiting to hear from you soon dear

don.t for get am still with you
so honey where did you get computer to reply my mails let me hear of that dear ok
yours ever,
RITA

Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:33 pm

She needs to be careful Chrys. As your Art Therapist I would have to caution her against using such a suspicious and paranoid line of questioning. Doesn't she realise she could tip you over into full-blown metaschizophhrenical mania? Otherwise know as Skamers Syndrome after Dr Ura Skamer? Wink

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:25 am

Phil Yerboots wrote:

Doesn't she realise she could tip you over into full-blown metaschizophhrenical mania? Otherwise know as Skamers Syndrome after Dr Ura Skamer? Wink

You just KNOW I am using EVERY bit of that, don't you! Feel free to get out a stopwatch and TIME how long it takes! My watch HAS a stopwatch, I'll time it for you! Will edit in my reply momentarily:

ETA: TOTAL time, 15 Minutes 50 seconds. I even managed to work one of Fritz Lang's films into the bait!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Testament_of_Dr._Mabuse

Quote:

Rita,

While I am happy to answer you questions, my therapist has told me to mention this to you, and since you are important to me I will pass this on to you. Firstly, I do not have my own computer, I use the computer of my therapist Dr Mabuse, who reads every email I send to anyone, in case I ask to pick me up some Substance D and try smuggle it in to the clinic, like a few of the other patients have tried in the past.

Dr Mabuse suggests that your susicious nature could tip me over into a full-blown metaschizophhrenical mania? It is something first diagnosed in the city of Poltava Oblast in the Ukraine back in the late 90's. It is otherwise known as Skamers Syndrome after Dr Ura Skamer!

I prefer to think that you are just trying to help me, but Dr Mabuse thinks you're not here to help me, but to hurt me. I myself can't image how, but Mr Mabuse has said I should consider not writing to you anymore. But do not worry, I love you Rita. If if I have to go behind his back, I will still write to you.

Chris

Manic enough???

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:02 am

Ahh the eyes!! Don't look in the eyes!!

I hope Rita feels suitably chastised - though I doubt it. Mention of Dr Mabuse (Good choice!) always makes me think of the fantastic 80s track by Propaganda which would appear to have some very appropriate lovelad lyrics!:

"The man without shadow promises you the world
Tell him your dreams and fanatical needs
He's buying them all with cash
Sell him your soul
Never look back
He's devoted to the devil fascinated by crime…"

Funny how things pan out.

Love Phil X

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