Shipping Bonobos [Whipping the lad into compliance]

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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:25 pm

I've been in the initial negotiations with a lad (Usman Hassan) who has been diverted from his original script (can't even remember what it was now!) and on to the matter of finishing up the shipping of some bonobos from Cameroon to my address.

I'd been dealing with a previous (fictional) scammer and told this lad that I'd already paid for a few things... export certificate that the Cameroon government needed for live exports, innoculations, etc.

We're discussing the matter of the export certificate and would you believe it? Mr Hassan has found that the export certificate is not the right one! I paid $250 for the wrong certificate already! I asked Mr Hassan to investigate further about why my certificate is not the right one and apparently...

Mr Hassan wrote:

Anyway, I want you to understand Richard that the certificate that Mr {fake scammer} sent to you is a Good one, But not too strong,

It's good but not a strong one? Hmm. And guess what? Looks like I'll have to pay Mr Hassan $250 for a "stronger" one. I hope this next one's printed on cardboard...

insults and more · Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:30 pm

It is common knowledge that Customs tests certificates by stacking them up and then having a 12 year old karate chop them. Those which remain unbroken are valid.

Hm. Maybe I should complain to a lad that his certificates are not flammable enough.

Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:03 pm

leonsumbitches wrote:

....Hm. Maybe I should complain to a lad that his certificates are not flammable enough.

DAMMIT!!!!!!

There goes another keyboard! Laughing

Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:18 pm

Revision dates are always a fun point of contension. If it has an old date it is not acceptable. They way they change Gov'ts in some of those countries you never know whats valid. I'm sure there will be something nice like a vetrinary clearance form from the home office or phyto sanitary forms. He's going to have to get a vet to sign off on those monkeys. Are those covered under CITES (<--acronym for Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species)? Ministry of Natural Resources might have a nice form or two needed for import. Aren't burocracies grand?

Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:20 pm

Don't forget that the export certificate isn't enough. That will get the bonobos out of Cameroon. Then you need the import certificate to get them into your own country!

insults and more · Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:30 pm

I created a form which may be fun to use for animal importations

Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:39 pm

I like the RSOD on the form. That's great! I'll use it when Mr Hassan and I get to that stage.

At the moment, because the original shipment was started in September, my character has been worried that the bonobos have been trapped in the shipping container all that time. Apparently not, and they're healthy. Hoorah! But he wants $530 to pay his assistant for the food and everything that the past few months have cost him. Hmm.

First, though... how do I even know the apes are still alive? I'll need photos to prove they're still as I expected them to be.
Photos!
Or pictures stolen from an images.google.com search.
Either/or.

insults and more · Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 9:16 pm

It may be fun to give him a photo of a top hat or such, and ask that the bonobo be photographed wearing it. You can't go wrong with crudely photochopped pictures of monkeys.

Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 8:21 pm

For the importing of the horse serum vaccines, I made up a DHS/FDA combination form. Drove one lad crazy

.............well he is probably still crazy waiting for his bank to advise that $97,500 has been deposited -- after several of Deuzer's international wire transfer slips and finally a shredded one...........now says he will just wait for his bank to advise him of the deposit.

Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 8:30 pm

^^^ that just reminded me of the hilarity of seeing imported bovine semen. I think the lad should collect a sample for DNA analysis of course... Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:35 pm

No, no, no. You got it all wrong. "Strong certificates" are for "Strong animals." Did you ever wrestle a bonobo, and try and get him into a cage? Smile

Nice to see you back, Otterfan. Smile

Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:19 pm

I sent an email to Mr Usman Hassan from my fake lad, the one I'd supposedly been dealing with last year to get the bonobos shipped to me, and I threatened him to stay away from my victim character. I've tried this many times before in other baits and it barely gets a response so I didn't expect much this time, either.
Well... Mr Hassan wrote to me and warned that the previous man I'd been dealing with is untrustworthy and might try contacting me again. Oh no! I shouldn't trust him, then? But... but he was so nice and everything!

Plus, I've told Mr Hassan that my daughter wants to see the bonobos RIGHT NOW so a picture or two will be the only way to keep her happy. He can't disappoint my daughter... can he?

Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 1:56 am

This is going on a lot longer than I had expected, just to get the lad to understand what is happening. It's not difficult! Your dollar is being chopped before your very eyes!
Ah, I shouldn't complain, though. Any delay is a good delay.

Here's the full transcript so far. (In another bait, I'm trying to negotiate with another lad for some timber to be shipped over to me so I can build sleeping quarters for my bonobos. If anything comes of that, I'll add it in here.)

Lad wrote:

DATE: Saturday, 5 February, 2011 18:58
FROM: "MR. Horst Hieter Haensgen" <*****@diplomat.net>
SUBJECT: STATUTORY ANOMALIES ON YOUR FUND TRANSFER.
FROM: DIPLOMAT HIETER HAENSGEN

TEL: +234-999-999-9999
EMAIL: [email protected]

Your Unclaimed Fund,
Firstly, I wish to introduce myself as a sympathizer of your situation. We are the Comptroller of Fund movement Terminal and Director of Statutory Department of Inter Banks Credit Commission. My Department is affiliated to FSA, UN, WORLD BANK, W.A.F. Our Liaison Desk is situated at the West African Terminal 122 of Union Bank Of Nigeria Plc and in Asia at the RESERVE BANK OF AUSTRALIA, European Terminal at the DUTCH AUCTION SYSTEM with head office in the New York City attached to the Chase Manhattan Bank, New York, which oversees and inspects the fund movement pre-inspection for Central Bank Of Nigeria and other related ECOWAS member states. Me and my colleagues MR. STEVEN FLOYD THOMASSON from Northlake, Illinois USA. He is in charge of the West African Terminal.
My name is MR. HORST HIETER HAENSGEN from Queensland, Australia. In view of my position as introduced and explained above, I have this privileged information for you out of sympathy to save your fund from a big problem, which will ruin your fund payment at your bank by the USA monitoring agents.
THE BACKGROUND OF THIS REASONS It may interest you to know that fund transfer irregularities and misconduct of huge sums of money out of Nigeria during the Military administration of the late General Sani Abacha has created suspicions on any movement of large amount, which is to be routed through Nigeria. For this reason, the new House of Government under the leadership of Senator David MARK (New Senate President) has formed a committee on Finance/Economic matters. This Committee was mandated to deliberate on all fund movement above $5,000,000.00 USD and also to recover all suspected funds. Consequently, our organization has been mandated to assist to monitor all fund movement out of Nigeria.

Since our establishment, the sum of $18 billion dollars has so far been recovered. We execute the pre-investigative formalities and all statutory requirements around the world. The purpose is to monitor, pre-inspect, recommend or defer your fund movement or seizure of the fund at your bank or on transit or cable.
Fortunately, our Terminal in New York has been monitoring the routing of your fund for seizure. I became sympathetic to you for such attempt to carry on. Hence, I decided to contact you privately in order to advice you, which will enable you, receive the fund successfully without any seizure or threat on the fund.

Therefore, this letter is highly confidential and top secret. For this reason, you must not inform anybody about this letter or my contact with you. You must keep my relationship with you to be topped secret and highly confidential. If you can follow my advice and guidance, I will inform you the only way out for the dispatch of your fund peacefully without any seizure by either your bank or the US Monitoring Agencies to know. But you ignore my advice, your fund movement by bank transfer will surely hit a brick wall and you will keep spending money and time with energy and without any success until you forfeit the whole amount, which will be deferred at that time for a seizure when the Monitoring Unit will adopt the motion for seizure. The September 11th 2001 bombing of the WTC in USA has compelled a strict monitoring and checks on all huge sums of money around the globe. For this reason, the security Network in USA has requested us here in Nigeria to investigate your fund, which has been routed for transfer

1. The real source of your fund.
2. Your funds background on Foreign Bills of entries.
In pursuit of that, I discovered so many anomalies, which may create the security network for seizure of your fund. And your bank may start asking, which may even put the bank into a big problem for suspicions by the USA Security Network as a bank that keeps
Terrorist fund. I am writing this letter out of sympathy and I am willing to assist you and avoid any danger to the successful conclusion. In order for me to help you, the following are my conditions:
1. You must keep my relationship with you highly
secret/confidential.
2. You must not expose all the above information to
anybody.
3. You must be willing to act fast on any information,
directives and advice from me.
But if you expose this information, I will be compelled to do the right report and in that case, you will blame yourself. The method for you to receive this fund is by cash at your doorstep, which MR. STEVEN FLOYD THOMASSON and I will deliver to you at your
address.

Further details on this arrangement will be furnished to you as soon as I have received your comments to carry on. By then, I will be in a good position to explain to you more on how to carry out the mission.
As soon as I receive your response, First i will scan and send you my united nations diplomatic passport and I will give you more on the way of such arrangements and I will also inform you our percentage that you will be required to give us as soon as we have handed over the fund to you at your address.
Therefore, further details will be furnished to you
and my identity will be forwarded to you as soon as I receive your reply.

Yours Sincerely,
MR. Horst Hieter Haensgen

Usual stuff. I didn't even read it, to be honest.

I wrote:

DATE: Sunday, 6 February, 2011 13:17
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>
SUBJECT: Re: STATUTORY ANOMALIES ON YOUR FUND TRANSFER.

Dear H,

Thank you for your email (copied below for your reference).

It has been four months since I last heard anything about this matter and I had almost abandoned all hope of the transaction being completed. I was dealing with a Mr Jim E****** and after I had paid him (what he promised would be the last) payment, I heard nothing from him, his phone stopped going through, and I was on the point of despair. I was beginning to suspect he had tricked me, too.

Are you aware of this Mr Jim E******? Are you taking over from him? Please explain how you got my details. I have no wish to be made to feel like I've been tricked again.

thank you,
Richard xx Vxxxxx

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Your Unclaimed Fund ( Important Notice on the Matter)
DATE: Monday, 7 February, 2011 8:19
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, For your information Mr Jim E****** is not in the office anymore, I am the New Person in-charge of the Office, So i found out that you are among the beneficiary that as not receive they fund, So i was instruct by the Federal Government of Nigeria, and the Federal Ministry of Finance to pay you.

However, At this point i am willing to pay your fund this week, Only if you can act accordingly to my wish, Firstly i want to know if Mr Jim E******, Gave you any document on the transaction, you are advice to forward it to me, Meanwhile let me know how much you pay him, All this information are very important on this matter so that you can receive your fund this week by his Grace.

I hope to hear from you so that i can proceed immediately!

Yours Sincerely,

General Usman Hassan

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Richard I have sent this before, i am still waiting for your response on this matter!
DATE: Tuesday, 8 February, 2011 11:54
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, For your information Mr Jim E****** is not in the office anymore, I am the New Person in-charge of the Office, So i found out that you are among the beneficiary that as not receive they fund, So i was instruct by the Federal Government of Nigeria, and the Federal Ministry of Finance to pay you.

However, At this point i am willing to pay your fund this week, Only if you can act accordingly to my wish, Firstly i want to know if Mr Jim E******, Gave you any document on the transaction, you are advice to forward it to me, Meanwhile let me know how much you pay him, All this information are very important on this matter so that you can receive your fund this week by his Grace.

I hope to hear from you so that i can proceed immediately!

Yours Sincerely,

General Usman Hassan

Impatient lad, this one. This is not the first time he'll send the same email a few hours later.

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: Richard I have sent this before, i am still waiting for your response on this matter!
DATE: Wednesday, 9 February, 2011 13:15
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Usman Hassan,

Many apologies for not replying sooner. My daughter, Danielle, has been ill and I needed to attend to her. My daughter is very precious to me and I would put nothing ahead of her. Do you have any daughters, Mr Hassan? They are a gift to this world and a delight.

Mr Jim E****** gave me documentation, yes. I will have to find it. As I said before, it has been several months since I last heard from him. And to be perfectly honest, I had almost written him off as a scammer. His documents, as you might understand, have been filed away and I shall have to find them for you. In total, I paid Mr Jim E****** three payments. The first two were for the same purpose and he said that I could split them into two payments because I was having a small financial problem at the time (now sorted). That payment was for the paperwork to be signed and stamped by the Cameroon Ministry of Export. They would not allow the goods out of the country without official clearance. That was for $250. We use British pounds in Britain but I remember the dollar amount.
The second (or the third; it depends on how you count it, as I've explained already) was for the immunization costs. Again, it was the Ministry of Export in Cameroon that were stopping my shipment from going through, but Mr Jim E****** explained that it was an international law that no animals could be shipped from Africa to Europe without a minimum level of immunization shots. That payment was for $1500.
And then I heard no more from Mr Jim E******, and his telephone appears to be not working any more.

I really hope that we can continue this transaction, but that was many months ago and I feel VERY guilty about the animals waiting in the dispatch compound. I hope they were not made to suffer, but there was nothing I could do. With any luck, they were returned to the wild or the reserve or wherever they came from when the people there realized the shipment was stalled.
If you know what happened, I beg you... please let me know and set my mind at rest.

Awaiting further information,
Richard

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
DATE: Wednesday, 9 February, 2011 19:53
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, Through the content of your mail i meant to understand that your daughter was sick and you have to attend to her that is nice of her.

However, I also understand that all the document Mr Jim E****** gave to you, you cannot found them anymore. Know problem Richard. Let me explain to you for you to understand, After paying Mr Jim E****** the last money, He never knew that they will soon as him to close the office, Because is not a sincere person, So I am the person in -Charge now as i told you in the last mail i sent to you..

At this point you are advice to forward me with your Personal Details and your private telephone Number, Including your ID either your Passport Or your Working Id, To avoid wrong delivery of your creat!

Finally, You are advice to act accordingly if you really want to receive your creat this week. also immediately you provide me with all this necessarily information i am going to give you more details on the delivery!

Best Regard.

General Usman Hassan

Off-script already and he's totally forgotten about the "fund". And it's only a few emails in!

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
DATE: Wednesday, 9 February, 2011 20:36
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Usman,

Thank you for responding quickly.

Yes, my daughter was ill and I have nursed her back to good health. I am very proud of her and she is doing well. Do you have a family? I would like to know if you do. I feel a man with family responsiblities is someone who has both feet on the ground and a jaw for whistling at the dogs, as they say in this country. Do you feel this way? I hope so.

Did I read your email correctly when you said that they found Mr Jim E****** was not a sincere person? That is a shocking revelation. I trusted him completely. We were even beginning to talk about me and my daughter visiting him in Cameroon for a few weeks when the deal had been completed. To think that I was dealing with an insincere man! I am shocked. But relieved that he was been found out.

Good news about the documentation. I found one certificate from Mr Jim E****** for the animals he was going to send me. This is the certificate that the Ministry of Export demanded before they could authorize any more of the process. It's in French but I can read that language okay. Does this certificate look okay to you? I am starting to suspect everything Mr Jim E****** sent to me now.

You didn't address my biggest concern, Mr Usman. I asked about the animals in the container that Mr Jim E****** was going to send to me. I hope, I pray to my god, that they were released and did not die in a warehouse, locked in a container. That would be horrible. Please, if you know what happened to them, let me know.

My telephone number is 0780999999999. Sometimes my daughter will answer it. If she does, ask if you can speak to me and she will pass the phone to me if I'm there.

thank you,
Richard

I didn't attach anything, hoping for a delay while this gets sorted out.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
DATE: Thursday, 10 February, 2011 10:49
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention Richard xx Vxxxxx.

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, For your information this document you sent was not the legal document that we needed.

However, I am a Happy Man with wife and children and i know what it takes to build a sweet family, Meanwhile i do not know any thing about the animal, I only know if your creat in the store, So if you only need to secure the legal document, the your creat will be bring to you.

Finally, I ask you to forward me with your Personal Details, Including your ID, Either your International Passport Or your working ID. so avoid wrong deliver of your creat. I would call you today, But i didn't know the code of your country.. Also forward me with your home address where you want us to ship your creat!

I will be looking forward for your urgent response.

General Usman Hassan

I wrote:

SUBJECTL Re: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
DATE: Friday, 11 February, 2011 14:14
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Usman,

Thank you for your reply. I read it carefully and understood its contents.

I am glad to see that you know the joys of family life. It is one of the world's best gifts.

I am worried that you have no news about the animals in my consignment. If they are still in the crate today, then they are DEAD and are no use to me. Also, it means that they will have suffered a slow and horrible death, locked up in the crate. This is awful. I very much hope they have not suffered this fate.
Also, it is useless sending me the crate if it is the same one that Mr Jim E****** arranged. As I have already said, that was several months ago and the animals inside will be dead. I DO NOT WANT DEAD ANIMALS. The agreement with Mr Jim E****** and his export company was that they would be alive and healthy. If this can't be arranged now, then I will have to look elsewhere for someone who can do this for me.

You say the certificate is not the right one? Did I pay $250 for a useless piece of paper? What is the right one? The one I sent has not expired and I read the French language and it is all okay. What is wrong with it? And how do we fix it? It needs to be fixed, but only if you can still get the live animals for me. I'm not paying for a certificate that covers a crate full of dead animals.

looking forward to your replies,
Richard

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
DATE: Friday, 11 February, 2011 19:25
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

How are you doing today?

Hope this mail meet you and your beloved family well?

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, Meanwhile immediately i receive your mail, I sent my Personal Assistant to go and Check on the Animals and he told me that they animals are Fine, And My Personal Assistant told them that we want to ship them to the owner in which they insisted and said before the can release that we should pay $530 for the taking care of the animal in which my Personal Assistant reason sense with them.

Richard, The Document Mr Jim E****** gave you is not an official document, This is the news i have for you on the Animal on your creat, we need to make sure that you receive it smoothly an peacefully with the help of God.

I wait to know your mind on this mater!

General Usman Hassan

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: I HAVE SENT THIS BEFORE, I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE.
DATE: Monday, 14 February, 2011 13:08
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

How are you doing today?

Hope this mail meet you and your beloved family well?

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, Meanwhile immediately i receive your mail, I sent my Personal Assistant to go and Check on the Animals and he told me that they animals are Fine, And My Personal Assistant told them that we want to ship them to the owner in which they insisted and said before the can release that we should pay $530 for the taking care of the animal in which my Personal Assistant reason sense with them.

Richard, The Document Mr Jim E****** gave you is not an official document, This is the news i have for you on the Animal on your creat, we need to make sure that you receive it smoothly an peacefully with the help of God.

I wait to know your mind on this mater!

General Usman Hassan

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: I HAVE SENT THIS BEFORE, I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE.
DATE: Wednesday, 16 February, 2011 0:29
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Usman Hassan,

My apologies for not replying sooner. I have family to attend to and sometimes they take up a lot of time.

I read both of your replies and I understand what you are saying.
The matter of the certificate has me worried, however. Are you saying it is the wrong certificate, or a fake one? This is very worrying. I had every confidence in Mr Jim E****** when I was dealing with him and now it appears he was not as professional as I thought he was.
So... if that certificate is not right, then does that mean I have paid $250 for nothing? And will I need to pay for the correct one? I know that the Cameroon ministry demand a certificate for the export of live animals... I researched this myself when Mr Jim E****** told me about it. But if the one I have is not right, then what is the right one? I read the French language and it looks right!

I am glad the animals are okay. Very relieved, thank you for sending one of your people to find out this fact for me. It is much appreciated and a great weight off my mind.
Will the same animals be the ones you ship out to me? Please let me know. Will I still be getting the same number and the same mix of sexes? I hope so. Please confirm this for me.

The $530 you mention worries me slightly. I donate to the Bonobo Charity every month and it is they who look after the animals. Why am I being asked for additional money for their food? I don't mind increasing my donation to the Bonobo Charity, but this one payment is slightly odd. They've never asked for one before. Please supply more information about this, if you don't mind.
As I said, though, I don't care about paying it if the Bonobo Charity is going through a hard time because of the world finance situation. It's just odd, that's all.

Anyway, you've been very helpful and I appreciate all you've done for me so far, and I hope that these few extra things are not too much extra trouble. If Mr Jim E****** had been more trustworthy, I guess I would not have to bother you so much.

regards,
Richard

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: I HAVE SENT THIS BEFORE, I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE.
DATE: Wednesday, 16 February, 2011 9:39
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, I meant to understand that you went to see your family! Hope their are all Doing Fine? Anyway, I want you to understand Richard that the certificate that Mr Jim Edward sent to you is a Good one, But not too strong, Because they will soon be another stoppage, So you are advice to send back the $250 so that i can secure it for you through my attorney here.

However, You need to try and send the $530 this week to enable the Good health of the animal, because Mr Jim E****** abandon the animals, i tell you brother the animals live today because by the Grace of God.

Finally, I advice that you act accordingly on this matter!, I

Oh, that was abruptly cut off! Perhaps his net cafe time ran out.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU.
DATE: Wednesday, 16 February, 2011 9:42
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, I meant to understand that you went to see your family! Hope their are all Doing Fine? Anyway, I want you to understand Richard that the certificate that Mr Jim Edward sent to you is a Good one, But not too strong, Because they will soon be another stoppage, So you are advice to send back the $250 so that i can secure it for you through my attorney here.

However, You need to try and send the $530 this week to enable the Good health of the animal, because Mr Jim E****** abandon the animals, i tell you brother the animals live today because by the Grace of God.

Finally, I advice that you act accordingly on this matter!, I hope to know if you are going to send the requested amount this week!

Hope you understood my explanation!

Regard.

General Usman Hassan.

I decide to stir things up a bit (or try to) with an email from Mr Jim E****** himself...

I wrote:

SUBJECT: KEEP OFF OOOOOOOOOO MY MAGA
DATE: Wednesday, 16 February, 2011 20:52
FROM: "Jim E******" <mrjime*****[email protected]>

Boy stop playin my maga Richrad xx Vxxxxx.This is my maga and he pays me well last year for large dollar sums.I come back and see u handling him like hes urs. STOP THIS THIEFERY NOW OOOOOOOOO
U ARE SMALL BOY PLAYING BIG GUYMAN GAMES U NOT BE WELCUME HEAR AND WILL GET STAMPED ON WITH BIGGER BOOTS TAHN URS.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT NOTICE.
DATE: Thursday, 17 February, 2011 9:35
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

Mr Jim E****** contact me, and i was surprise to hear from you, Listen Richard for your information Mr Jim E****** is not in the office anymore, So if you Listen to him, he going to deceive you are advice to desist from him.

I hope to hear from you if you are going to send the money this week!

General Usman Hassan.

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: IMPORTANT NOTICE.
DATE: Thursday, 17 February, 2011 13:18
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Hassan,

Why did you write this ("and i was surprise to hear from you") in your last email? Why were you surprised to hear from me? I don't understand. Are you saying you no longer want to deal with my shipment of bonobos? Please tell me if this is true so I can find someone who will deal with it.

thanks,
Richard

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT INFORMATION (1200)
DATE: Thursday, 17 February, 2011 15:16
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, For your information Richard, I found out that some fraudster and trying to put confused on this matter, and i am strongly suspending Mr Jim E******. Listen Richard, This is my code if you do not get this code from me (1200) You should know that i am not the one that sent you the mail, So you should be very carefully, I am only waiting to know from you if you are going to send the $530 this week.

Hope you understood my explanation on this matter.

Best Regard.

General Usman Hassan

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT INFORMATION. (1200)
DATE: Thursday, 17 February, 2011 15:19
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard.

I am telling you this, because i also received a fraudulent mail today.

Be-careful Please so that this can be done smoothly, and please do follow my instruction!

General Usman Hassan.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: IMPORTANT INFORMATION (1200)
DATE: Friday, 18 February, 2011 16:08
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Usman Hassan,

Your email was received and its contents noted.

I appreciate you taking your time to explain what is happening. You say that Mr Jim E****** has contacted you? I thought he had been dismissed. Has he come back to finish the shipment business? Perhaps he can explain to you that the export certificate is really the right one. I feel slightly cheated that I have to pay ANOTHER $250 for a certificate when I thought I had acquired the right one.

As for the upkeep of the bonobos, I have paid a $650 donation to the Bonobo Charity. I know they were keeping care of the animals while Mr Jim E****** was arranging for a suitable container. I made the donation as soon as I received your email (Wednesday) and I waited for the Bonobo Charity to write back and say they had received it okay. They have and they are very happy with the donation, and said that it was enough for the months of food and care that my animals were given.

Mr Hassan, these past few weeks have been like a light brought back into my dark world. When Mr Jim E****** disappeared from view last year, I began to sink into a depression because, firstly, it appeared all the hard work to acquire the bonobos was lost and, secondly, because I was worried they would suffer locked in a crate in some warehouse. You have put my mind at rest on both issues and I cannot thank you enough.

May I ask one last favour from you? You've been kind and generous with your time so far, I'm sure it will not be too much extra trouble. May I have a picture of the bonobos? My daughter, Danielle, has been getting really excited about them again and she wants to see them NOW. I said she'll have to wait because there is still some paperwork to sort out but I told her that the nice Mr Hassan might be able to get a few pictures for her.
Would this be possible? It would make Danielle REALLY happy, and in so doing I would be extremely happy, too.

Finally, do I write to the same people as before to get the new, stronger, export certificate? I still have the address that Mr Jim E****** gave me. I assume the address is still the right one to request the certificate but I want to make sure before I contact them and send more money.

thank you,
Richard (and Danielle)

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT NOTICE
DATE: Friday, 18 February, 2011 18:06
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, I wish i can send you the message Mr Jim E****** sent to me, Do not the fact that you received a mail from him, doesn't guarantee you that you are going to receive anything from him... I am given you my words, Because i know what i am talking about!, If the Certificate that you pay money for is really a legal certificate how come you have not receive it.. I have told you the solution on the matter, And i promise to help you so that your Daughter can be Happy, If you can send the money requested only $530, I promise you that everything will be clear. Ok for you to believe my words just put me in tried also put Mr Jim E****** in tried again, i see what is going to happen!

Hope you can send the money this week, so that i can give you the Payment Information on how to send it through Money Gram.

I will be looking forward for you to act accordingly!

General Usman Hassan

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: IMPORTANT NOTICE
DATE: Saturday, 19 February, 2011 19:48
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Hassan,

I have your received your email reply and have noted your advice to me about Mr Jim E******. He has not contacted me since last year. It was the middle of September, if I remember correctly. I have nothing from him since then. Are you saying he has sent you a message? What did it say? Did it explain why he disappeared and failed to complete my transaction? Please tell me if he said anything to explain his behaviour.

I did receive the certificate from him. I'm not sure what you meant about "not receiving it". Or by "it" did you mean the shipment? Well, I didn't receive the shipment because before I could pay the transportation costs to the shipping company, and in fact before I even knew where to send that payment, Mr Jim E****** disappeared. This is why I did receive the bonobos last year, NOT because the certificate was faulty. I still believe the certificate is the right one. I read the French language and it checks out. It has not expired and it describes my order exactly. It lists the number of animals, their sexes, and the other things (food, etc) that were to be in the container with them.

As for the $530... that is paid. I sent it to the Bonobo Charity, as I explained in my last email, and they were very pleased with my donation. Up until the shipping date, the Bonobo Charity (of which Mr Jim E****** told me about) were looking after the bonobos and providing food, shelter, and healthcare for them. It is only right that I gave the $530 to them, don't you agree?

Now, today, I had to explain to my daughter that, yes, I had received a reply from you... but, no, there were no pictures. She was very disappointed, and I think she got a little upset. She's only 13, and I had no reason to give for why you did not send even just one picture. I think she's still upset and I have not mentioned the matter anymore for fear I'll upset her further. She loves bonobos and wants to see ours.
Is this possible? I'm not asking for myself. I'm reassured they are fine and have been kept in fine health. I trust you, Mr Hassan, and you told me they are healthy and that's what I believe. But I'm asking for Danielle. She's young and things like this are a big deal to young people. Please please, please, I'll beg and beg and beg if it means she will cheer up and be herself again.

regards,
Richard

I wrote:

SUBJECT: SMALL BOY IN BIG MANS WORLD OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
DATE: Saturday, 19 February, 2011 20:22
FROM: "Jim E******" <mrjime*****[email protected]>

HEY YUNG BOY PLAYING ADULT GAMES WIT ADULTS MAN.
MR RICHAD xx Vxxxxx SENT ME $530 YESTEDAY. I COLLECT TODAY AND PICK THE MONEY NOT PROBELM. TANK YOU FO LETING ME EAT UR PAYMENT ooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOO
stupid boy. go play childs games in nursary scool it is only thing u can play not rich magas.
i wipe my asshole wit u now.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!!!
DATE: Monday, 21 February, 2011 9:34
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, Richard to be sincere with you i am highly disappointed in you, But you don't keep to my words, Mr Jim E****** mail me today and told me that you have sent the $530 to him yesterday Right?

However Richard, Let me tell what really happened to Mr Jim E****** when he disappeared, In collect a lot of people money including your own and run away, Even the Cameroon Government are still looking for him, and also The EFCC of Nigeria, I have said before that you contacting on this matter is at your own risk, Because is not in the Real Position anymore, I told you before that i am a new person in charge and last week i told you that one of my representative went there, and they told him that before they can allow him to have contact the bonobos that we must pay the sum of $530, And now i am hearing from you that you have sent the money before!!! For your information the money enter Jim E****** pocket and if you keep sending money to him, I sorry for you, because this period Mr Jim E****** is a deceiver. Immediately you transfer the money, I am going to send you all the picture of everyone including the Bonobos, So all the money you sent to Mr Jim E****** is lost. Everyday Mr Jim E****** kept sending me message of telling you the truth on this matter.

Hope you understood my explanation! I wait for you to know if you are going to send the money today.

Gen. Usman Hassan

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!!!
DATE: Monday, 21 February, 2011 10:29
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Hassan,

I read your email and it filled my heart with a great sadness. You are accusing me of doing things I have not done! I did not pay Mr Jim E****** $530. I paid that $530 to the Bonobo Charity. It was for the food and care of the bonobos, just like you said. Why are you saying I sent it to Mr Jim E******??? I have not heard from him for many months now. AND you said he's been writing to you? Why? Why hasn't he written to me and explained his behaviour? This is getting me very depressed again. I'm also upset that you won't even take just one photograph of our bonobos for my daughter. Mr Jim E****** would have done that for us. I almost wish I were still dealing with him. He never made my Danielle unhappy.
I'm going to lie down now because I'm so upset after reading your email. I need to think about things and see if I can make sense of them.

Richard

I read the lad's reply again and decided he needed yet another explanation about what happened. Is it so difficult for him to understand that the Charity is a fiction of Mr Jim E******'s making?

I wrote:

SUBJECT: STUPID CHILD
DATE: Monday, 21 February, 2011 00:24
FROM: "Jim E******" <mrjime*****[email protected]>

I THOUHT U HAD BRAINS AND WORDY OF ME BUT U ARN'T EVEN LIKE A FLY ON MI ARM. (((( STUPID BOY WITH NO LEVEL ))))
MR RICHRAD DID SEND ME THE DOLLARS, HE SEND IT THRU WESTER UNION TO MI CHAIRTY (THE BONOBO CHARITY). THIS IS MINE AND HE THINKS IT IS REAL IT IS FAKE AND HIS PAYMENTS COME TO ME NOT U OOOOOOOoooooo
go and play child games w/ ur friends in nrusary scool, u are noth wordy of my time anymor and u carnt not even understand simple logic when it is infront of ur eyes
STUPID BOY WITH NO LEVEL

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!!!
DATE: Monday, 21 February, 2011 12:16
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and through the content of your mail i meant to understand that you do not send money to Mr Jim E****** told me on e-mail he sent to me today that you pay him yesterday that is what he sent to me. So i was surprised to hear that..

However,Richard i have the situation for you, I am only waiting for you to tell me when you will send the $530, I do not want you to panic on Mr Jim E****** OK, But i want you to know that it is well and your beloved Daughter will be happy OK.

Best Regard.

Gen. Usman Hassan

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Fw: Message from Mr Jim E******
DATE: Monday, 21 February, 2011 12:22
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard

I am forwarding you the message of Mr Jim E****** to me.

I hope to hear from you.

Gen. Usman Hassan

--- On Sat, 2/19/11, Jim E****** <mrjime*****[email protected]> wrote:

FROM: Jim E****** <mrjime*****[email protected]>
Subject: SMALL BOY IN BIG MANS WORLD OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
To: general_usm*nh*[email protected]
Date: Saturday, February 19, 2011, 8:22 PM

MR RICHAD xx Vxxxxx SENT ME $530 YESTEDAY. I COLLECT TODAY AND PICK THE MONEY NOT PROBELM. STUPID MAN.

Note how he's amended Jim E******'s message and taken out the laddish references.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: I have sent this before, i am still waiting to know if you will send the $530!!!
DATE: Tuesday, 22 February, 2011 11:39
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and through the content of your mail i meant to understand that you do not send money to Mr Jim E****** told me on e-mail he sent to me today that you pay him yesterday that is what he sent to me. So i was surprised to hear that..

However,Richard i have the situation for you, I am only waiting for you to tell me when you will send the $530, I do not want you to panic on Mr Jim E****** OK, But i want you to know that it is well and your beloved Daughter will be happy OK.

Best Regard.

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: I have sent this before, i am still waiting to know if you will send the $530!!!
DATE: Tuesday, 22 February, 2011 13:58
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Hassan,

Thank you for your email and reassurances but of course I am panicking about Mr Jim E******! You say you've heard I've paid him some money. I haven't! I paid some money to the Bonobo Charity, the $530 you said was for the cost of food and care for my bonobos. This is the money I have paid recently. Are you saying it went to Mr Jim E******? I DID NOT WANT THIS. And as far as I know, it went to the Bonobo Charity.
Please, sort this out for me. I am getting VERY WORRIED and I am losing sleep because of it. You're asking me to pay money that I've already paid and then you're saying that money has gone to someone you don't trust but I know I sent it to the Charity. What is happening here? Please help me!

thanks,
Richard

He's still asking for that $530 despite my character telling him it was sent to the Bonobo Charity and my character thinks the food and care costs are all sorted out now. He needs to explain this to my character before we go any further.
Or send some photos of bonobos, of course.

insults and more · Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 2:35 am

Your last message is worded perfectly!

Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:54 am

This lad is starting to annoy me. Still no progress is being made, not even a picture taken from a Google Images search!

Time for an ultimatum.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Hope to hear from you.
DATE: Wednesday, 23 February, 2011 9:13
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted! Richard i want you to have my words, and Listen to what i am telling you Mr Jim E***** put the money on his Pocket.. You are far here, you doing know what is happening here. So i am telling you what i know.

So if you want complete delivery you are advice to send the $530 Ok.

I wait to know if you are sending the money.

Gen. Hassan Hassan

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: Hope to hear from you.
DATE: Wednesday, 23 February, 2011 15:36
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Hassan,

Your email, once again, is a source of confusion. How can Mr Jim E***** have put my payment in his pocket? I sent a payment to the Bonobo Charity. This is the only payment I have made. I have not made any payment to Mr Jim E*****, only to the Bonobo Charity.
And as I've already said... I have paid the $530 you keep mentioning. I paid it to the Bonobo Charity. Why are you asking for it again? I don't understand!
I don't want to sound rude but I feel we are just going round and round in circles, going over the same thing every time. No offence, Mr Hassan, but is there anyone else at your company I can talk to? Perhaps they can explain the situation to you in a different way because it feels like my own words are not clear enough and there's a misunderstanding taking place.
I don't mean anything evil or vindictive here, Mr Hassan. You've been great in getting this shipment back on track, but I think we are perhaps not going to make any more progress until you understand completely what has happened and what my situation is right now.

The other thing I don't understand is why you can't send me and Danielle a photograph. Why do you need money first? This sounds strange to me. I can take pictures on my phone for no cost and send them to anyone for no cost. That's all we need over here... just a picture to show what our bonobos look like. We have never seen them yet and we're very eager to do so. Please, Mr Hassan, no more talk about needing money for a simple picture.

I wish I didn't have to write this email to you because I think it is just full of negative things and I'm not the kind of person who likes the negative things in life. But this situation is getting foolish and it needs some straight talking to sort it out. I hope you agree.

regards,
Richard

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Hope to hear from you.
DATE: Thursday, 24 February, 2011 10:02
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and it was well noted and understood, Listen the same people are asking for the money, I am bit Confuse now..

Richard, I advice that you send this money so that i can clear all this mess and Confuse Mr Jim E***** as done here..

I will be looking forward to know your mind!

Gen. Usman Hassan

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: Hope to hear from you.
DATE: Thursday, 24 February, 2011 10:42
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Hassan,

I read your email and I am reluctantly glad that you are feeling confused, too. Now you probably know how I feel about this.

I have a very tight budget for this project, Mr Hassan. If I have to take ANOTHER $530 from it to pay for the bonobos' food and care AGAIN then I am going to have to make cuts and reductions elsewhere. Money doesn't grow on trees, Mr Hassan, and especially with the world financial crisis, it's even rarer to have spare money than before.

And again I see you have not addressed the matter of the photograph. Once again, I will have to tell Danielle that there's no picture of our bonobos. She was close to crying the last time I told her. This time, I think it will be the final straw to break the camel's back, and I will have to deal with her tears and sobbing. I hate to see my dear child so sad and crying. No father should have to.

Okay, after writing the first part of my email, I stopped and left it and went and had some breakfast. I've thought it over... and I will have to issue this ultimatum. I don't WANT to do it, Mr Hassan, but you have left me no choice. I cannot stand by and see my beautiful daughter be made miserable all for the sake of a very simple thing that could be acquired very easily.
If I do not receive a photograph (it doesn't have to high quality... from a camera-phone will do) of our bonobos, I will look elsewhere for someone to deal with this matter. I have another contact in that part of the world and I am sure he can find an agent who will do things properly.

Yes, I have put some very harsh accusations in this email if you read it carefully and look between the lines, but I feel it is necessary. Three animals are being messed around here, and my daughter is being made to go through Hell, all because of this matter. It must be sorted, and you must sort it soon. If not, there are other people who will.

regards,
Richard

If he drops me, I'll just go and start the process off with some other lad. I'm sure someone else will be eager to get those apes shipped out.

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 12:28 pm

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Hope to hear from you.
DATE: Thursday, 24 February, 2011 15:16
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received you mail and to be frank with you i do not like the way you are sounding, At the first time i told you that i am new man in charge now.. and I went through everything, and i was told that before they can release your animals to me i have to pay for what i told you about, before i can ship it to you.. I have even gotten a Courier that promise to ship it free of charge for me.. I only need to have it in my hands first that is the most important, that i really want you to understand, then take them photo i will send to you and your beloved daughter. Please tell your beloved daughter not to be angry because you are the one delaying!

I will be looking forward to hear from you.

Gen. Usman Hassan

I am the one who is delaying? How dare he say such a thing! Why would I ever want to delay things?

I wrote:

SUBJECT: Re: Hope to hear from you.
DATE: Friday, 25 February, 2011 9:17
FROM: "Richard xx Vxxxxx" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Hassan,

I am sorry to have read your disappointing email.
As a result, I have found someone else who can get this shipment sorted out quickly and without all the complications you have given me recently. Even though he normally sells alluvial gold dust to foreign investors, he has promised to make me his top priority, It was nice working with you at the start, Mr Hassan, but I feel that our relationship has been heading downwards over the past few weeks and I cannot continue unless you change your ways back to how you were originally were.

regards,
Richard

Ultimatum delivered. I hope he can see that there's a chance he could lose this job to another guyman.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: Hope to hear from you.
DATE: Friday, 25 February, 2011 10:47
FROM: "Federal Republic Of Nigeria" <general_usm*nh*[email protected]>

Attention: Richard xx Vxxxxx

I received your mail and the content of your mail look so shock to me, i do not expect to hear this from you, after telling you the fact and what is happening.. Ok Fine at this point i will promise you tell me what you want me to do so that this can be done..

I wait for your response.

Gen. Usman Hassan

Oh yes. Whipped into shape and ready to do what I want, Mr Hassan? Let's see...

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 12:47 pm

Nice whipping, Otterfan! Smile

He was "so shock!"

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