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Bart Fargo
Corporate Baiter
Joined: 22 May 2010
Posts: 1605
Location: Free munchies for the cantaloupe masters
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Posted:
Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:10 pm |
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For those with out knowledge of Target, think Walmart with a little, not much, more class.
Here are some ideas to keep retirees occupied .
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
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Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares.. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. |
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_________________ What the hell happened to all my little icons I earned and my quotes???
<===the hardest icon to earn |
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Mortal
Baiting Guru
Joined: 02 Jul 2009
Posts: 3473
Location: Smarter than your smartphoneâ„¢
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Posted:
Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:43 pm |
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_________________ x87 x5
Ugly Duckling with Mountain Goat and Osazee : Cameroon -> Nigeria
Paul with Just Cold: Benin -> Lagos -> Abuja
George: Accra -> Togo I really want to do business with you, because i know you are an Angel send to rescue me by God.
x6
GOD PUNISH YOU, GOD PUNISH YOU, GOD PUNISH YOU. Mr. Olisa
Every night a phonecall from you, you talk rubbish. Mr. Olisa
Juan's hidden fries! |
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Yastreb
Common Street Thawth Vergabon
Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 17388
Location: Leading my wolf pack
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Posted:
Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:31 pm |
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Bart, this should be in the Joke stickey - there are several urban legends there already.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/spree.asp |
_________________ Son of a bitch!!! Your dead!!! Everything about your stinking poor life is dead!!! Get off my way you son of a bitch mother ....a man without father bastard....your dead Ok
May you never se the end of the year, May you sick and die in JESUS NAME AMEN.
MARK MY WORD, YOU SHALL FALL SICK, IF YOU DONT PLEASE WITH ME, YOU SHALL DIE OF THE SICKNESS, THIS IS MY FINAL WORD TO YOU
I HAVE PLACED YOU UNDER MY ORACLE GODS,
YOU SHALL CRY AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS OR YOU DIE
x5 x2 x 246
x 5 - Oyenka Chidinma Lagos-Cotonou; Dickyboi Lagos-Accra; Femmy Lagos-Porto Novo; "Woody" Accra-Singapore; Henry Philip Abuja-Natitingou w/MG & DSW
x 7 |
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Barfyboy
Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 24 Jan 2011
Posts: 17
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Posted:
Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:42 pm |
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October 23 and October 3 made me crack up so badly, this stuff is hilarious! |
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SlapHappy
Baiting Guru
Joined: 15 May 2006
Posts: 9612
Location: Floating up and down with happiness.
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Posted:
Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:12 pm |
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One store down, 3,456 to go! |
_________________ x Reven U., Fats Walla, Donny
x10 X2 MM:Mikex2, JohnK, D@rlington, Ob1, Armstrong, Ismail, TG&Friend
x3 Nancy, Security Guy, Robert Accra-Tamale
(19 mo.) Tina and Joe's Safari - Accra to Niger & Timbucktu
Z@ke & Charlie -Wulugu Or Bust Safari- Lagos to Paga & Tokwari X2 - 3800mi.
x3 H3ctor & C@leb - Yankar1 & Parakou
x2 Charles and Friend-Amsterdam to Vatican
Issac to Chad
Be A Cool Cat, Like Me Trophy Videos Cool Stuff
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Morgain Le Fay
Baiting Guru
Joined: 14 Oct 2010
Posts: 5800
Location: Taking my new .38 special to the range
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Posted:
Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:55 pm |
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I had a friend who once put condoms randomly in other people's carts, then awaited by the check out counters! |
_________________ X42
Nash and 6 friends 488 Km within Ghana - bait with Agda (2012)
Safari Philip Ghana-Benin (bait w/Agda) 2013
x5
.edu's 260 reported
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Roycropper
Baiting Guru
Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7992
Location: Luxury Coffin
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Posted:
Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:13 pm |
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This may have gone too far to redirect you to the joke thread, but that's where they ought to go.
I went to Harrods in London, and managed to reprogram the fridges (posh US ones with LCD displays) to speak Lithuanian! I used to do it with unattended mobile phones, but after putting a friend's into Arabic, I nearly got lynched when I couldnt put it back into English, until I realised that reading right to left applied to the menu numbers as well. |
_________________ the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
x4 6Yrs x6 |
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Cougar
Elite Baiter
Joined: 16 Apr 2009
Posts: 1293
Location: Curled up on the doctor's chair.
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Posted:
Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:18 pm |
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^^ I did that to myself! Brand new mobile, in town centre trying to programme in a number to see why my so-called friend had left me standing on a street corner instead of meeting me as arranged, got distracted, pressed the wrong button and suddenly I'm trying to programme my phone in Turkish.
I may have to visit some 'favourite' shops this weekend... |
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