Should Chris go to Ghana (NSFW)

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Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 3:43 am

So I get a response to an earlier email, a simple "hi hi". I decide to pile it on. With the subject header of "Goodbye" I send her this:

Quote:

My darling Rita,

I have NO IDEA what this means, but it is now PAINFULLY obvious that you are treating our relationship like a joke! I travelled half way around the world and this is the best you can come up with? I guess I do have to say thank you, otherwise I would never have met Anja.

I have decided to give her the laptop, she will need a new one when she moves into my apartment in Melbourne. My German is slowly improving, though I do know there is a largish German Community in Melbourne so Anja won't feel too lonely.

I REALLY wanted us to work Rita, but sadly it just wasn't to be. I wish you well, and do not regret not travelling to Benin, I will always have fond memories of the place where I met my future wife. I leave for Melbourne at the end of the week.

Farewell my love,

Chris

I suspect I may have been passed up the food chain. Previous emails headers have all said Ghana:

ipTRACKERonline.com wrote:

Header Analysis Quick Report
Originating IP: 196.201.51.21
Originating ISP: Scancom Ltd
City: n/a
Country of Origin: Ghana

Today's points to Dusseldorf:

ipTRACKERonline.com wrote:

Header Analysis Quick Report
Originating IP: 80.84.1.18
Originating ISP: Vodafone Content Services Germany portal net
City: DÃ¼sseldorf
Country of Origin: Germany

I suspect she's not smart enough for IP spoofing, and I have serious doubts that's she's actually IN Germany (though one can only hope). I suspect it's the end of the bait, though I will keep you posted

Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 3:57 am

So, bitchface offers me her mother's gold! why couldn't she use that to travel?

Quote:

Hi honey,hmw are yot doing honey i can se that you dont believe me . Dear how can i belive you to dear trust me or you come to ghana i will give you little part of my mothers goald ok dont warry .You may think a lot of it but i can't exchang the goald is only strangers can make good use of it that is why ok i love you but i can live my sick mom like that ok so do me a faiver ok and come to me ok but g dont want to here nja ok your eta is for me only ok plzzz

ipTRACKERonline.com wrote:

Header Analysis Quick Report
Originating IP: 80.84.1.24
Originating ISP: Vodafone Content Services Germany portal net
City: n/a
Country of Origin: Germany

Will edit in a response when I think of one... And here it is:

Quote:

Rita,

I don't think you understand, I want you, NOT your mother's gold. Why couldn't you have used some of that to meet me in Benin? As I said before, I would have re-imbursed you upon your arrival so that you wouldn't have been out of pocket and now it's too late, I have returned to Melbourne with Anja.

Did I mention that Anja and I have joined the mile high club? We made love for ages in the toilet on the plane back to Melbourne. We almost got caught Anja was moaning so loudly! That woman is a tigress in bed, I love it. We are having sex pretty much constantly, though more than once I have fantasised about you while Anja and I were fucking.

Rita, I wanted us to work so much, but I feel you didn't love me like I loved you. The only way I would consider leaving Anja for you was if you were t prove your love to me. And that would take place in Benin. It's simple, if I am willing to travel for days around the world to meet you in Africa, the least you can do is meet me in Benin.

Otherwise, I wish you well, I will always remember you fondly.

Chris

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 1:40 am

Bitchface is still trying to pile it on:

Quote:

Hi chris how are you dear i don't think you love me the way i do,honey love goes where love is remenber i tolld you that i don't like playing games with my heart ,my heart is beating as i read your mail , honey you have brake my heart now ame ,i cant use the gold any how my mother was expecting you before she can give me the gold but now you are out of africa .And what worries me alot is that you came to africa you did not visit me mmmm ok

ipTRACKERonline.com wrote:

Header Analysis Quick Report
Originating IP: 80.84.1.23
Originating ISP: Vodafone Content Services Germany portal net
City: n/a
Country of Origin: Germany

will edit in a reply when I think of one, though I suspect it's time to kill off Anja. I sent this back, under the heading of "I don't have time for this":

Quote:

Rita,

I am sorry to be terse with you, but right now I am at my wits end. While we were dining out last night, a drunk driver lost control of his car and crashed into the restaurant Anja and I were dining at. while I mostly have cuts and abrasions, Anja is in intensive care at the Alfred Hospital.

I am checking my mail for work stuff while having a cigarette break. Doctors are not hopeful Anja will survive...

Chris

And three hours later, this:

Quote:

It's three hours later and things are not going so well. I have smoked more cigarettes in the last three hours than I did when I was a full time smoker. Anja has been taken in for emergency cranial rectal inversion surgery, but I have been told to not hold out hope. The chances for survival are only 18%

Chris

I'll kill her off soon Wink

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:10 pm

I killed off Anja:

Quote:

Rita,

I am writing to let you know that Anja died from complications of
Cranial-rectal inversion surgery at 9.48am this morning after 16 hours
in intensive care surgery.

I am beside myself with grief. I am in the middle of funeral
arrangements. Fuck, what the hell do I do now?

Chris
--

Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:15 am

Thinking I'd shot my wad over this bait, I was pleasantly surprised to see she hadn't given up... On the laptop!:

Quote:

Hi dear how are u? Dear sorry 4 the accedent u hade and i like anja to die at once is not itensionaly that i did not reply u ealy am not able to get to the pc ,because i dont have and she has travell and she just reton and if you have send me the lap top i will have send messages ealy ?So plz send the one you promiss thank u big kissssss

Here's what I sent back:

Quote:

Rita,

I am surprised to hear from you to be honest. I am amazed at how callous you are towards a woman you have never met, and who has also been dead for a week! I have returned her body to Köln in Germany as per her last will and testament. We buried her in the grave next to her dead parents.

I have learnt my lessons well from you, and am not going to send that damn laptop anywhere until you can prove your love for me. If you can do that (while I am still in Europe, then yes, I will consider returning to Africa. If not, then I will cut my losses and return the laptop to Dell, while it is still under manufacturer's warranty

Chris

ipTRACKERonline.com wrote:

Header Analysis Quick Report
Originating IP: 80.84.1.23
Originating ISP: Vodafone Content Services Germany portal net
City: n/a
Country of Origin: Germany

Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:46 pm

Bitchface sends this:

Quote:

Hi dear how are u doing ?i Thank GOD the lady who want to take my future housband from me ,but now he is save me and honey i have given all my heart to you,honey am waiting for you if you will come and i will be proud of you honey my sick mother is saying hi to you she is at home ,my love i can't wait to have love with you reality and i will love to have 69 style with you and i will such your cock for you mmmmmmmmmmmaahhhhh honey i feel like am there with you .and dear never think i talk with others is only u

I hardly call that proof, I will call her up on it when I have more time Wink

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