A Home for Aged Eaters: a retirement home for baiters

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insults and more · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:24 am

In a recent thread, Vivio had a pang of conscience over baiting his lad. Many of us pointed out that such attacks of empathy are easily killed by simultaneously straightbaiting the lad with a truly pathetic character. Indeed, Shiver loved to simultaneously bait a lad to see his contrasting facades.

Morgain Le Fay and I began kicking around the idea of offering our services to those with a sense of empathy. If you've got a lad you feel sorry for, we'll create an even sorrier fellow for him to swindle so you can see exactly how little moral worth your lad has.

This became a truly astounding idea: the creation of a nonexistent retirement home. We still haven't worked out the name, or mocked up the letterheads and GV voicemail messages yet. The phone number will of course lead to five minutes of tinny 1920's music before being dumped into voicemail.

The idea is simple: taking a cue from the Simba camps, we want to create a nonexistent retirement home with branches in America and the UK. Each home can be stocked with any surplus elderly characters you have. Hell, we could have several people independently playing the same character for maximum senility and confusion.

This can become a great source of mischief. Think of all the scheming children, the doctors, the invisible yet omnipotent Administration, the eccentric nurses, the love affairs. Dare I say, the inevitable escape attempts thwarted only by the conniving child screaming at the scammer that his mother disappeared with her life savings. There is a huge amount of potential here, waiting to be exploited. Maybe even five volts!

And all of it, at least at first, will be for the purpose of letting sympathetic baiters see just how little conscience their lads have. If this could make one baiter decide to twist the knife a little harder, it'll be more than worth it.

If that wasn't enough, consider that it would become a great place for newbies to start baiting.

I'm thinking that any baiter who wants to enter [insert appropriately gilded funereal name here] would eventually receive a starter kit of documents, a current list of residents, etc.

Does anyone want to help out? PM either me or Morgain.

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 01 Nov 2010 Posts: 1161

Hi:

Awesome ideas like this are why I started baiting. The potential for social engineering is just incredible.

Quote:

This can become a great source of mischief. Think of all the scheming children, the doctors, the invisible yet omnipotent Administration, the eccentric nurses, the love affairs. Dare I say, the inevitable escape attempts thwarted only by the conniving child screaming at the scammer that his mother disappeared with her life savings. There is a huge amount of potential here, waiting to be exploited. Maybe even five volts!

Don't forget the loss of internet usage for days on end by the capricious actions of abusive/disgruntled employees Wink

I might have a character I could lend to this worthy project as well.

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:55 am

leonsumbitches wrote:

The idea is simple: taking a cue from the Simba camps, we want to create a nonexistent retirement home

Are you seriously suggesting that the SSC are phantoms....?
You have been listening to too many whinging lads with no sense of direction.
Don't believe a dumb mugu, come visit us yourself..... Very Happy

Love the retirement home modality, and wish you the best of luck with the project... Thumbs up

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:24 am

Leonsumbitches, brilliant idea

The Sunnyvale home for the Terminally Bewildered? or similar

Please book my character in, will pm details when required

Love it

mixed up meds, Jack Nicholson in Cuckoos nest, Nurse Ratchett

oh yes

insults and more · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:28 am

Hearing you say that is indeed an honour, Simba. I almost wet myself like a puppy.

These retirement homes will be easier to find than the Simba Camps, though. The residents are deaf, after all, and quit loud. On a clear day, the sounds of arguments and daytime TV may reach Ghana.

Would you be willing to give us advice regarding how much documentation is necessary, and how much documentation is too much?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:37 am

Great idea ! Can I be this facility's geriatric psychiatrist ? Very Happy

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:46 am

I think a nice brochure, with sunny sea side views, cliff tops, flower gardens, the croquet lawn, maybe a topiary hedge or two

perhaps a large chess set on the lawn,

some smuggled snaps of restrained people on stretchers, bare corridors?

I'm in between living arrangements at present

if no one else steps in, give me a bit of time

insults and more · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:51 am

Elizabeth: sure. If you promise to either have an affair with one of the residents to inherit his fortune or pull a Harlequin and fall deeply into the fantasies of one of the crazies.

"Bob says that his buried treasure is concealed in this map he drew on the napkin [attach scan of disturbing nonsense scrawled on a napkin]. Since his hip is broken, he can't make it to the field, let alone dig the ten feet. He's not a young man anymore! So I'll have to go out there next weekend with a shovel and compass to find his buried pirate treasure. Wish me luck!"

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:58 am

I knew there was a catch Surprised

but hey, even so I can still write certificates for all kinds of complicated geriatric diseases and tons of medication Razz

insults and more · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:59 am

Irish: great idea!

We mock up a bunch of saccharine shots of the interior and exterior for us in the brochure and website. Flowery gardens and bright walls, happy residents playing chess and doing crosswords, etc.

Yet every single photo a resident sends will be eye-buzzing fluorescent-lit , stark, institutional, grimy, bleak, etc. You should be able to hear the buzzing of the lights and feel your eyes ache at the flicker. Even small touches like subtly upping the green channel on scanned documents.

We will have to make sure that at least one photo sent by a resident is a perfect nightmarish, Hieronymus Bosch reality to the fantasy of a brochure photo.

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:08 am

In that case, my doctor will be named Frank E.N. Stein ! With official bio for the website and the brochure Very Happy

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 18 Sep 2010 Posts: 8

This would be a nice bedroom shot to send to your lad:

If you look on UE forums at asylums/hospital sections you'll find a wealth of material to use!

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:20 pm

( UE = urban explorer)

Here's a long load: http://www.28dayslater.co.uk/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=4

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 1:50 pm

You can add my character, ex-porn actor who's a bit absent minded. He needs help from the little blue pill, but always forgets. Thinks he's gonna get action despite forgetting about the non-functional part. Any e-mail he recieves thinks it's a proposal to get together despite the contents of the e-mail.

(That's if you need another character)

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:22 pm

This is great! I use the (fictional) Dame Edna Everage Memorial Retirement Centre for my character Albert Fish.

Dame edna by the way is not only not dead, but the creation of Barry Humphries!

What a Dame: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dame_Edna_Everage

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:37 pm

Mex - are you Swales based, butt?
Or just happened to see htat picture and use it?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:38 pm

Great idea. I will be a bit occupied for the coming time, but if i find the time, i'll join in with my geriatric character!

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:29 pm

Lovely idea - Simba Retirement Villages. Fantastic. Do it!

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:39 pm

The interest sounds high. Some things are yet to be fleshed out and I keep playing in my mind the episodes of that wonderful British sitcom "Waiting for God" at the Bayview Retirement Village. If you have watched this series you know what mayhem and mischief can prevail, esp. if we have an Administrator of the retirement village who is vain, pompus, always right, wanting to save every penny he can in cutting services so the Board of Directors and owners will increase his salary.

One thought is to have a Board of Directors and perhaps the lad we have on the hook is looking for an investment deal. He would have to deal with the members of the Board (who are elderly residents) to OK the finalization of the deal. Having a "board" certified doctor on the Board of Directors is a possibility and the doc could hospitalize a Director if he/she got out of hand.

This would be much like the LAD Church mass bait wherein all the church members have to agree on the final decision. In the retirement modality he would have to be working with about 5-6 on the Board of Directors who obviously have sob stories, broken hips, knee replacements, et al.

We most likely need a certain type of lad and start bringing him along gently. Suggestions are welcome if you have such a lad. I think I have one who is now looking for investment of millions of dollars (yeah, right) and he talks about a 5-star hotel -- so why not a 5-star retirement village.

Perhaps telling the lad that it would not be difficult to convince the Board members to go along with the scheme. That his job should be pretty easy.

I like the idea of a possible resident physician be he reg doc or psych. Many possibilities for doctor's notes and certificates to certify all craziness.

Any and all ideas are certainly welcome. leonsumbitches and I are the new kids on the block, so to speak.

Some retirement home names might be BUT NOT limited to as all suggestions are welcome:

Raising Canes Village
Silver Liners Village
IV League
Golden Years Village
At Heavens Gate
Village of Future’s Past
Aged Oaks
Roads End Retirement Community
Eternal Peace (this could be an affiliated funeral home)
Greeting El Diablo
Nearly Pushing Daisies
Whittled Down Retirement
Last Century Gated Community

@Lachesis Good idea about the internet. I had been thinking along the lines of the Administrator cutting out internet service to save money. He is a cheapskate so he can make his salary larger.

@simba – Of course the Simba Safari Camps are real (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

@Irish – great ideas.

@ Elizabeth – I trust you know all the good meds, including the psych meds to keep the residents in line!!

@ Bart – in that Brit sitcom I mentioned there was a character as you are proposing. His name was Basil Makepeace and always on the prowl. (last name should be “Makelove”)

For creative juices flowing the cast on the sit com included people like:

Diana Trent – cynical retired photojournalist
Tom Ballard – an old duffer who lives in a fantasy world – retired accountant
Harvey Baines – the cheapskate administrator
Jane Edwards – not so attractive admin ass't who has the hots for Harvey
Geoffrey Ballard – Tom's son – good natured
Marion Ballard – Geoffrey's drunken wife
Basil Makepeace - always prowling for sex
Rev. Dennis Sparrow

This series was filmed in and around Oaken Holt Rest Home, Eynsham Road, Farmoor, Oxfordshire, England. However,[url] http://www.caringhomes.org/[/url] has some nice ideas for homes and ideas for a website for our retirement home.

All suggestions, hints, tips, et al are sure welcome. If you have the right lad for the job, do tell us. Of course, if you see spots of weakness in the scenario please tell us.

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:58 pm

As wonderful as all those ideas sound, if I were you, I'd keep it simple to begin with then add characters and ideas as you go along. It's always tempting to plan every detail, but lads are notoriously unreliable and fickle, so you may end up with a load of wasted effort! Start with a scenario, and then let it take its own direction, see where the lads want to take it Wink

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:12 pm

I agree about starting with a few characters. Maybe just the Board of Directors --and maybe the administrator of the home. All sorts of others could be added as it flows along. We don't want to overwhelm the lad initially, but bring him along gently.

I know that planning every detail is impossible because you don't know where the twists and turns will be with the lad so we do need to remain fluid.

We started with one simple idea and were just trying to flesh it out a bit so we knew how we wanted to begin.

All ideas, suggestions, hints are sure welcomed.

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:17 pm

I was planning on setting up a website for baiting Attorneys*..
which I intended to hand over to other baiters to make use of.

Perhaps you could have the keys to that establishment for things such as Power of Attorney, Last Will & Testament, Inheritance etc etc

Lots of forms and paperwork for laddies to complete before they can get their hands on the old folk's money.. Very Happy

*Unless this is legally unethical... Confused

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:26 pm

Simba, I like that idea. I have several attorneys in my cast of characters one of which is Arthur Q. Lawless, of Lawless & Lawless Law Firm, whose offices are in Alligator Alley Lane in the land of swamps in Louisiana.

Highly unethical???? Laughing

I am in for baiting Barristers and Solicitors!!

insults and more · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:28 pm

manbiteslion

Indeed. However, consider the Investment Effect, and that these will be old characters. A bait could start now and drag on for months before everything is fully set in place. By then the lad will be way too invested to twig.

We ought to have all the time in the world. No reason to wait til all the details are worked out. And continuity? No need. Our characters are unreliable. So what if three months ago Mrs. Haskell said that she lived in Elysian Fields Retirement Home? The name has been [final name] and always will be!

Hell, you could straightbait with your character and, midbait, have them wind up in the retirement home. Two birds, one stone. And, your character becomes that much more of a victim whose swindling will enrage readers.

All our ideas are secondary to the main goal: producing a supply of extremely pathetic characters who give lads every opportunity to illustrate their lack of a conscience. Everything else, the flocks of old ladies fleeing in a stolen Econoline bus headed for Mexico, is icing on the cake.

As the modality evolves, we can add more treats. And the longer a bait's gone on until the introduction of the Website Our Grandkids Made or The Chairman of the Board of Resident Directors, the more believable they will be to the lad.

My advice: don't sweat the small stuff at first. Though the lads will disagree, time is on our side.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 18 Sep 2010 Posts: 8

@evil_sheep - no, just happened to see and use that picture although I do use that forum occasionally. I'm in Lancashire.

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