Split from M&M Advice thread - Maris Piper is back!

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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:50 pm

^^^ World Cup's over isn't it?

Posted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:17 pm

Maris dear, I need your help! I just don't know what to do.

A much loved fellow poster was upset that he hadn't qualified for a custom tag. To soothe his furrowed brow I inititated a short-lived yet highly successful campaign which resulted in him being labelled 'Slightly's Bitch'. Admittedly this was not the wording we would have chosen for our esteemed colleague ('macho man' and 'coconut bum' were also rejected) however the point was he now had his much desired tag. Unfortunately it seems to have rubbed his fur the wrong way, and he has started to mumble vague threats of 'karma' towards me.

My question is: how can I help him to see that being known as 'Slightly's Bitch' is a good thing?

With purrs and thanks,
C x

Posted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 1:14 pm

Dear Cougar,

I suggest that if he's muttering about karma, tell him the karma in front's a Toyota and you're thinking about possibly, maybe one day, driving one. So he can kiss your exhaust and yah, boo, sucks to him.

M&M xxx

Posted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 5:13 pm

I have, upon your suggestion, eaten more chips.

Also, upon noting the Toyota reference I would like to point out, be careful once you drive one you'll never stop.

How does one get exhaust soot out of one's fur?

Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:43 pm

Dear 'B',

Firstly, may I say that the Kent Potato Farmers' Collective and the Union of Fryer Operatives deeply appreciate your sterling contribution to the chip promotion cause.

Moving on, the question of exhaust soot removal is a vexed one. My delightful co-advisor strongly advocates the use of red wine. However, she does tend to recommend that for most problems, including acute liver failure. My personal advice would be to try a damn good spanking with a carpet beater and, if that's no fun, you've always got the red wine to fall back into.

M&M xxx

Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 9:41 pm

^^ Sounds like a good plan. @ Badger - let me know if you need help with the carpet beater. Wink

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 6:21 pm

Maris,

Carpetbeater, the wire type or the wooden? Also, how does one open the wine with it? Confused

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