Andrew and the traveling computers!--UPDATE!

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Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:57 am

Dutch wrote:

That's a relief, he's got much more cash to burn, so what's he whining about? Laughing

the only downside is that he probably got it from another victim :/

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 4:43 am

Looks to me like a story with no flaws.
Next call / email and say that you are in Nigeria/ Ghana and want to make peace with them. Say that you have cash and promise to meet if your life can be made secure.
At the same time call the Ghana/ Nigeria cops to say that there are 2 or 3 thugs waiting at a location.

Make both use a code word, like " Antarctica is cold" etc.

The prey will enter the lions mouth.

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 06 Feb 2005 Posts: 80

Quote:

-reat! Screeching tires, and blue smoke! Trails of dust high in the air! Very Happy

Blue Brothers again! Smile

I can't stop laughing, can't wait for the next episode. Priceless!

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 10:05 am

So, what? Andrew is now a hitlad? Razz

Quote:

I booked a flight to Nigeria, which they will somehow learn the details of

It might be interesting to call Andrew's bluff. Rise up in righteous indignation. Tell him he has insulted your honor for the last time. Maybe insult him back. Send him your flight itinerary and demand that he meet you to settle things once and for all. If nothing else, this solves the problem of how to get your travel info to him. It will almost certainly generate some very interesting responses and maybe get him traveling again.

Great work, Nowhere Man!

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 11:06 am

That's great that Rev. Shucks is trying to be helpful and diplomatic. If I were Barry I would be careful that maybe the Rev would start feeling sorry for the boys and pass along some vital information to ensure the boys "get what they deserve" for all their efforts... he just seems like that kind of helpful Rev and all...

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 1:55 pm

Beyond great..

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:46 pm

Nowhere Man wrote:

Apparently he is telling me that the boys are watching the package so they will know if I pick it up by the change of direction.

I booked a flight to Nigeria, which they will somehow learn the details of, and then they will no longer be chasing the package--they will be chasing ME with the package!

Oh yes please please please let this work!!! Make this work and you'll get a special eater group hug (if you want one - and if you do, may I suggest you start with Corona, and leave Slightly towards the edge)

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 08 Sep 2010 Posts: 4

This has epic win written all over it.

Kudos to you sir.

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 11:20 pm

Raga Man wrote:

It might be interesting to call Andrew's bluff. Rise up in righteous indignation. Tell him he has insulted your honor for the last time. Maybe insult him back. Send him your flight itinerary and demand that he meet you to settle things once and for all.

Or he might simply tell him to f--- off, now he will personally handle the the delivery and he will no longer share any information with him (because he is scared but won't let em know). He will tell them that as far as he's concerned the deal is off, since he is not doing any business with people who threaten him, and that he will also call the GPS company and pay an extra (taken from the church money) to have the package moved away from the bois, so the he will fetch it without having to meet with them. (-> reason for a second safari)

The reverend will begin to receive e-mails and, being the good ol' man of God he is, will try to reconcile the parties, leaking information and maybe even bringing in a new character, since it seems Barry has little more to say, insulting aside.

Then the package would start to move on the road.

Ok, never mind, those were my two cents.
Oh, and thanks for the pointers about the jujustuff. Also thanks to manbiteslion for the kind explanation. Now I go seat back, eat some popcorn and most importantly... shut the **** up. Wink

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:44 pm

Everybody is getting pretty upset at one another. The Rev steps in to try and calm things down.

Quote:

Barry and Andrew,

I am writing both of you because I am very pressed for time. I must be on the road by 11 a.m. and I still have much to do. By the way, for the moment my cell phone has stopped working. I was supposed to fly back to America when this delivery was finalized, and as it has been delayed a week, my finances are in disarray.

Barry, you didn't CC Andy Baker, you CC'd Andrew Igbokwe. They are probably close together in your contacts list, and you clicked the wrong contact. Please resend your mail to Andy Baker, because I am sure he is wondering what is happening.
Do you see what you have done now? You have just created more conflict. You need to give them money from the church funds when you get to Nigeria--and you need to give them a bonus, too, for all of the trouble they have been through.
And speaking of coming to Nigeria, have you made any progress on that matter. When can we expect the package?

Andrew, this is very ungodly behavior from you. You are a Christian, and Christians are supposed to forgive, as our Lord Jesus Christ forgave. You should not be threatening the life of anyone, let alone another Christian. All wrongs can be made right again, in due time.

Do you have any idea when you, Andrew, will be in Nigeria? I will try to keep everyones schedule straight so we can remedy this problem. It is difficult for me because I have so many other duties with the church. I do not just sit around all day waiting for an email to come into my box, so the more informed I am the better.

Rev. Shucks

Andrew is really intent on winning over the Reverend. He basically forwards the Reverend every email we've had over the last week, along with this:

Quote:

Dear Rev. Shucks,

Am glad to hear from you, To honest with you, Barry refused to cooperate with us, he lied to us deceived us and all the promises he made to us that motivated us to embark on the journey no one did he fulfilled.

Sir for instance, when we confirmed the shipment we requested for mobilization fee of only $200, Barry picked offense against us at that point we decided not to go and forget this journey, it was Ahmed Jubril the man that connected us to Barry that gave us the money with our own we set to Lagos.

If you like ask Barry, he promised us a free accommodation and food and money when we reach Lagos, all these promises ask him if he fulfill any. You are aware when we run into financial difficulty even in the night i am about to go to Benin city no money to go i spoke with Barry that evening and i explained things to him, Barry accepted to send money to enable us travel to Benin city in the morning, to my greatest surprise i opened my mail hoping to have the information to pick the money and move to Benin city airport, Barry never send any money rather, he said that we should sell two of your laptops, my brother can you see such selfishness before, i should sell two laptop instead of sending us only $200.

Imagine all the humiliations we faced in Nigeria, we suffered so much to the extend that my passport is still seized by one hotel authority, there is no transportation for Chime to return, no money no food, Honestly speaking since yesterday i have not heard from him, his telephone is not more going, no response from mail imagine, all these Barry sees it as nothing. Is that fair?
You said that i have crossed the boundary, if you have read all the mails mail has been sending to me insulting us telling that is our fort, Oh my brother considering all effort we put and the mistake of no particular direction or destination of the package, before we left Ghana to Nigeria, i raised the question of the destination of the package, he only say drop site, ok drop site what is the location, the first location was wrong address, before you gave us another address which was still wrong, we went asking from house to house, office to office both left and right in that Daiye street even went to another street still nothing was seen, what can we do, can we pick up the air?

Right now honestly before man and God i have no cent to come to Nigeria, can you believe that Barry accepted to send us money and went and sent to us a fake western union documents and asked us to login and the access code provided was not correct, after many times of trying to login all failed i mail him back and told him that the access code is not correct that he should try it or go back to the western union office so that they can ratify the problem, do you know what Barry told me? he said, that he has tried twice to send us money so it my problem not his that he will not try again. My brother is that how to talk to somebody? is it my fort? every he do because he want cheap things he will go and do the wrong thing and try to put blame on an innocent person.

It was when i noticed that he was playing games with us, that was when my anger rised, Man of God, i will say this without any apology, BARRY IS A SELFISH HUMAN BEING, HEARTLESS, NO HUMAN SYMPATHY, NO CONSIDERATION OF OTHER HUMAN, HE LOVES MONEY MORE THAN HIMSELF, HE LIKES CHEAP THINGS SO MUCH ABOVE ALL A DIFFICULT PERSON.
For Barry to ask us to sell two laptops in place of only $200, till today i still pounder over it, i ask myself, if Barry is the owner of those laptops can he ask somebody to sell his two laptop that cost about $2,000 just because of $200, my brother Barry is not good to be worked with honestly, i regret knowing him. Since i was born, i have never done anything with sch a heartless person before.

I will forward you the mails he send to us that has aggrieved me, please in the name of God, i have no money now, the money i used to do little business Barry made me to spend it, i sponsored the trip, i don't know when he will arrive, and if i have money i could have come so please collect our money for us, do not let him to take our money, try to call Chima or mail him since he is still in Nigeria, imagine Barry still expect me to be in Nigerian after i left my family and my sick daughter, he don't even care, oh my brother God will judge me and Barry.

Let me know when he will arrive or if there is any way when he comes collect money and send me immediately i will arrive the next day, i will direct you show you can send it.

Hve a nice day.
Andrew.

Meanwhile, Barry is trying to bring Chima in on the deal, since Andrew is back in Ghana:

Quote:

Chima,

I keep getting threats from Andrew and Ahmed, but they don't worry me much, I've dealt with men like them in my lifetime.
I have repeatedly told them that I want to send you money, but they keep telling me not to, and then come back to say that I am leaving you stranded. Believe me, Chima, I want to help you. You seem like the only reasonable one among them. I think you are smart, and can tell when opportunity comes to you.

To show you that I want to help you I am offering you a proposal. I have booked a flight to Nigeria. I will be arriving on Air France #3054 on Friday at 5:55pm. The shipment is in Port Harcourt, that is where I am landing. You and I could take the package up to the church and I will give you a few of the laptops. I am also bringing with me some of the church donations that the Reverend needs to pay off the construction workers there. I can give you a bonus for your troubles--say, an extra $1000

To be sure Chima, I could do this without you, but you have been calm and understanding throughout this whole ordeal.

Please get back to me with an answer. I leave tomorrow at 12:45 pm, my time, and will not have any contact until I land in Port Harcourt.

-Barry

Somehow, Andrew gets the mail I sent to Chima. He then decides to forward it to the Rev, saying that he and Chima share an email box. He wants to show the Rev what a rat I am.
Chima responds:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Barry,

I will agree to work with you on only one condition, send back his money so that he will not consider me as a traitor, it will create enmity between me and him if he noticed that i completed the work after you fail out with him and his money was not paid.

I am not going to show him the mail you sent because if he gets to know, he will not be happy and he will move against you spiritually, please i am begging you for the interest of peace, if you have decided not to work with him again conclude in peace but not as an enemy. This world id a global village nobody know where we can meet each day.

You have to remember that you will only do do with a Nigerian and here in Nigeria, your action can put Rev Shucks into trouble, The heart is decisive, please do not underrate anybody, A little boy can do something and remember that Phil Shucks is like your brother and he can invest bad against him, please i beg you again settle this matter in peace with him.
Andrew spent a lot of money and we gave our best, I know him in the church he is a good christan.
Apart from Jubril all of us are Christan and we need to understand ourselves, let us not allow devil to part us.
Please Mr. Barry, there is this adage that says, THE DEVIL YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE ANGEL YOU DON'T KNOW. Call him and claim him down, you are fortunate to meet a man of Andrew Honestly speaking, i cannot capitalize on this opportunity it will be against the will of God and vengeance may come upon me.

He briefed me of the money you sent, please ask your cousin to go back there and let them know that the transaction has not been completed, it's very simple they will solve the problem and release the information to pick the money. Please put everything behind you and solve the problem so that he can come here and we will complete the work we started together, Lagos guys are something else, i hope that you will understand, i know Rev shucks will write to you as well.

Please let me know what next, am suffering please .
I will expect to hear from you,
Chimankpa Onunwa
Am also sending a copy to rev. shucks.

Meanwhile, Andrew is busy over at the SS trying to get out the money that Barry's cousin has sent. He also took the SS survey, but the answers were pretty boring.

I send an email telling Ahmed that the list of expenses that Andrew submitted to me is totally unacceptable.
He writes me back

Quote:

Barry,

What you are asking this guys to do is inevitable, nobody can calculate his expenses with the papers of all expenses, Africa is not known for that culture so asking them to provide the papers is not posible of maybe you have calculated in advance how you will eat your money. Two able men that travel for more than 8 days that expenses is even more than that, Yiou will reason, it all goes to means that you see these guys as nobody and that has been the reason for any failure of it is the truth.
Whatever your minds tells you sen it to them without delay but do not request them or force them to come to Nigeria and leave their word again. and chase the air.It's my earnest desire that this relationship do not turn to wickedness and other sorts of evil, there are some thing money cannot buy, the risk they took is price less, Barry do you remember that the period Andrew went on this journey his daughter was sick and was just discharged from the hospital, he left them and went to Lagos, Remember this is expenses of two people, everybody knows that Ghana does not practice that system of everything you buy the will issue receipt is not adopted here in Ghana and Africa as a whole.

My candid advice to you is to call Andrew beg him and settle with him, Send to him $750, i will talk to him and i hope the matter will die, but if you refuse to adhere to my instructions whatever you see you take. Andrew told me that he is still tracking it and when it charges direction they will be aware. Since you are coming to Nigerian do not every try to step down there is Nigeria because if they meet you it might not be well at all.

Barry does it touch at all that Chima is still in Nigeria doing what, it's you that kept him stranded still you sleep in the comfort of your home and you don't care.Barry it's not fair If that is your attitude is very bad. Remember that you did not put any agreement down, so they can defend their expenses so, leaving in a strange town for complete 8 days by two people is not too much but notwithstanding, let us bury the hatch.

If i may ask barry so all these were pretending to send money when nothing was sent, what a scam??? so all was a calculated attempt to eat their money
you have time now with you, over there ago and send the money so that Andrew will go for his passport, you should have an iota of human sympathy, what on earth do you think Chima is doing there, ?
the journey is a difficult so they need to be recommended than this kind of wickedness of yours.
Ahmed

I am really trying hard to bring a couple of other lads in on this. If I can't get Andrew to travel again, I have another plan for him. I am trying to arrange a meeting with a lad in Ghana who is selling gold dust, telling him that my assistant (Andrew) would be willing to meet with him and give him cash for the gold dust. Then, as the Reverend, I am telling Andrew that I have and assistant in Ghana who could possibly meet him and give him cash. I have a vision of two lads meeting, each expecting the other is there to give him money!

Meanwhile, Chima has all of my flight details so he sends me this

Quote:

Mr. bary,
i will be waiting for you to come i have suffered a lot over here, i sold my phone so that i can sustain my self at least eat food.

portharcourt is very close to my village and one of my uncle is in portharcourt he is a taxi driver he will help us look for the location of the consignment.

but i have problem right now, i dont have money to come to portharcourt but i will borrow from my friend over here.
as soon as you get to portharcourt you use a Nigerian phone or give me a phone number that i will use and call and give me the number on email so that i can locate you .

waiting for your response ,

CHIMAMMKPA ONUNWA

Barry's plane lands in about an hour, so he will start contacting all the people again. I've also introduced a character, Nathan, who is the Reverends bumbling assistant in Nigeria. He will be the one who is going to let slip the information of Barry's whereabouts.

The last email was from Andrew to the Reverend:

Quote:

Dear Rev. Phil,

Thank you for your mail, I desire to come to Nigeria in order to complete this transaction and have my reward in full as discussed, my problem is money transportation and traveling expenses, if i have the money today i will leave immediately. On the issue of your associate, nobody knows when he will be available, the best way could have been to direct your associate send money through Money gram since Barry will arrive tomorrow, he need an assistant, please look at any possible means you can help me to be there, i am ready immediately i have the money i will come.

I have been in constant check of the shipment, presently, it's in Ahoda Prot Harcourt, you know it's very close to my state and i knows the state very well. I don't know how long Barry will stay but however Sir, i am counting on you. Please keep updating me until i get information from Chima.

I saw your message to chima but Nathan has not contacted him yet please the best way is mail because his Phone is not working. I hope to hear from you soon.

God richly bless you.

Andrew.

Good to know he is constantly checking the shipment!

THIS JUST CAME IN:

letter from Chima to Barry:

Quote:

Mr. Barry as soon as you arrive in port-Harcourt i want you to call my immediate younger Brother DESTINY ONxxxA who is in owerri, owerri is very close to port-Harcourt and is about 1:30mins drive from port-Harcourt just call him on 081xxxx2692 so that he will assist you to do any thing until i arrive, u no LAGOS is very far from port-Harcourt is about 10hrs drive. so please call my brother and tell him your location as soon as you arrive to port-Harcourt he will give you every assistance you need until i arrive. i have told him every thing about you and also the time of your arrive, immediately you call him tell him where and how to locate you, you can go to any hotel close to the air-port and tell him the name of the hotel, he will definitely come in a short time.

meanwhile i am on my way to port-Harcourt right now you can not reach me on the phone because i sold my phone but i will be calling my Brother Destiny on a public phone center so that i will no how far he have reached you and also to no where and how to locate you guys as soon as i get to port-Harcourt.

thank you for your coming to Nigeria i wonder what i could have done from here. i am very happy to meet with you.

Regards
CHIMAMKPA ONUNWA

Looks like Chima is going to do some traveling!

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:08 pm

Loved this bit:

Andrew the Anguished wrote:

BARRY IS A SELFISH HUMAN BEING, HEARTLESS, NO HUMAN SYMPATHY, NO CONSIDERATION OF OTHER HUMAN, HE LOVES MONEY MORE THAN HIMSELF, HE LIKES CHEAP THINGS SO MUCH ABOVE ALL A DIFFICULT PERSON

Perhaps, Nowhere Man, when the mods bestow your custom title upon you, they might choose this: A Difficult Person. It would be most fitting. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:37 pm

Wow. I'm amazed. They are so hopeful!!

And isn't it great the Chima was able to sell his cell for over $1,200? That must have been one hell of a smart phone. He has enough to pay off the hotel bill (releasing Andrew's passport) and get all the way to Port Harcourt. I mean, they wouldn't let him leave the hotel without him paying the bill, right?

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:40 pm

suddenly I am having a hard time finding chima's IP address. anyone have an easy solution?

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:57 pm

/\/\/\ PM the latest headers to me and I'll see if I can find it. Smile

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:00 pm

Call his cousin and tell you missed the flight. We will 12 hrs to figure it out.

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:08 pm

@actionman,

Good suggestion, but I have already been on the phone with the cousin. He tells me Chima is on his way to Port Harcourt from Lagos.

He really wants to know where I am staying. I told him I'm still in the airport because there was a problem with my luggage.

Now that I have arrived, it's time to email Andrew and tell him that I am sick of his shit.

Master Baiter Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 123

"i am ready immediately i have the money i will come"

Seems like he has the money and is very eager. I think the GPS site is to thank as a big convincer for these guys^^

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:17 pm

Details? What is the ip? headers?

Quote:

THE ANGEL YOU DON'T KNOW

I like this one for a tag, too! Very Happy

So many choices... Laughing

Super job, NWM. Thumbs up

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:22 pm

@SH: you should be in charge of this stuff! You have a knack for picking out the classic lines.

Cuervo was going to check it out for me.

The cousin warned me to get a hotel before it gets late. I don't know why he is so involved. I never said I needed his help.

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:27 pm

We are sure the cousin and chima is same. Tomorrow is Saturday the sabath day fir some. So Rome with the rev on that day.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:51 pm

These guys just have such a sense of drama, you received tons of good material. I have no idea how long your tag could be, but how about,

Quote:

HEARTLESS DIFFICULT ANGEL YOU DON'T KNOW AT THE LAST BUS STOP

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:00 pm

@SlapHappy: Love it!

I haven't quite decided how to play this one.

Everybody thinks I am in Port Harcourt, tired from a long journey, and off to get some sleep.

Destiny, Chima's cousin, wants to pick me up in the morning. I have no doubt that were I really in PH, he would pick me up, take me to get the computers, then knife me. Kind of scary when you think about it.

Andrew calls me and plays nice, we get cut off:

http://www.4shared.com/audio/0ltfkTfn/niceandy.html

I want to get him to Lagos before I really piss him off anymore.

Not sure where I am going to take this now. Oh, the possibilities! Suggestions are always welcome!

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:26 pm

Nowhere Man wrote:

@SlapHappy: Love it!

I haven't quite decided how to play this one.

Everybody thinks I am in Port Harcourt, tired from a long journey, and off to get some sleep.

What about your luggage?
Have you solved your customs problems? Was your luggage, and most importantly, the Church money confiscated?
Have you perhaps had a row with the airport personnel since they acted so damned stupidly you thought they were making that up in order to chop the reverend dollah?
You might end up in jail - the lads will know that from the rev or his dumb assistant and gain a few days. Would they risk to go to the police to ask about you?
Then the rev might discovered Barry was released and decided to go fetch the package by himself. GPS will start to move.

And I promised to shut up! Embarassed

here · Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:37 pm

Nowhere Man wrote:

I haven't quite decided how to play this one.

Not sure where I am going to take this now. Oh, the possibilities! Suggestions are always welcome!

as long as the consignment moves again it WILL be funny, I think you will hear the screams of pain when that happens Twisted Evil

oh for lad CCTV Very Happy

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:38 pm

Ok consider this.
It is early in the morning at 4 AM local time.
You call that some one is knocking your door.
Only to say in the next phone call that you have been kidnapped by some one.
This will lay a doubt in each of them that the other guy has arranged for the kidnap.

Change the voice and talk to them, ask them to bring money to get you released.

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