Andrew and the traveling computers!--UPDATE!

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Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 3:59 am

A customer survey. Laughing

And a glowing one at that. Three cheers for GPS courier. That was one tough call to do, not to laugh, Jose. Hearing that desperation, and talking calmly. Thumbs up

@Nowhere Man - This is only going to get better. Super job. I can't wait to hear the calls. Very Happy

Oh, and this is a Double Safari Hat safari. Each lad, Andy and Chima have one, as you talked two lads into traveling over 200 miles and across borders. So, you get to add another hat. One of them will do more miles than the other, and we will have to see which lad will do the most "suffering." They certainly have gotten themselves into one fine mess! Very Happy

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:59 am

Nice call Jose!

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:31 am

I hope I've done this right--here are some calls to Andrew and Chima:

Before Safari
http://www.4shared.com/audio/UvASdxvR/before_safari.html

Cant find the location
http://www.4shared.com/audio/nEbWXq2/confusion_about_the_package.html

Chima gets pissed after a long frustrating day
http://www.4shared.com/audio/fn17Unjw/chima_gets_pissed.html

The package moves
http://www.4shared.com/audio/zm3OqEKE/the_package_moves.html

here · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:54 am

jose_cuervo wrote:

I love sleepy lads. Andy was such a good sport this evening he answered a GP5 E-Track Customer Satisfaction Survey at midnight his time and burned 12 minutes of his phone credits. Laughing

awesome, how do you keep it so straight?

I had tears rolling down my face listening Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:36 am

How did I miss this thread?
Epic.

Andy wrote:

my wife is so worried now because i have to be honest with her, i explained all the situation to have she is crying and evening telling me that the money i left has finished,

Now he´s going to have the wife´s family on his back forever.
Lad pain.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:47 am

Quote:

Cant find the location
http://www.4shared.com/audio/nEbWXq2/confusion_about_the_package.html

This link doesn't work, Nowhere Man. You'll have to re-upload the file.

Great calls, too! The lad is very emotional. I wonder if he ever blames his predicament on his lifestyle as a scumbag scammer? Nah. He'll just blame everything on you.

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 4:57 pm

Oh, man! Day 5 of Safari and there is lots of drama happening.

I will be posting it up as soon as I get a break from work. Basically, Andrew is screwed. They never made it to the airport, or even tried, lazy lads, and now the package has flown up to Abuja.

I got some really dramatic emails this morning I'll be posting up soon.

@slap happy try this one:
http://www.4shared.com/audio/V8IFecIB/_2__confusion_about_the_packag.html

here · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 5:44 pm

no need to quote the post directly above, use these /\/\/\ - JC

you REALLY know how to tease your audience don't you? Mad

it's like a soap opera now Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:16 pm

Great Safari Nowhere Man Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:36 pm

After Cuervos brilliant customer service call, I let Andy sleep. I email him this frustrated letter:

Quote:

Andy

What the fuck? What the fuck is happening here?

I come back from the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, hoping for some good news--and I find the whole thing has fallen apart! How did this happen?

I have 10 emails from the Reverend telling me that he is stredded now after his car broke down, and he is without a cell phone! The fucking package is at the Ibadan airport and it's going to head out to Abuja if we don't collect it by 9 a.m.

Why can't you get the fucking package?????

This is the worst thing ever! You have to get to the airport and find it. If you don't know what to do, pull over and ask someone where the Overland Airways Freight Storage Facility is. Find it!

Look, I am heading back out into the ocean to survey this collapsed oil rig. We are leaving in about an hour.

Luckily, we are not going out as far, and there is a Commodore 64 computer on board that I can use to send emails. I will also have phone service, altho it may be spotty at times.

Andrew, you have to EMAIL ME and let me know what is happening and how we are going to correct this.

How did you and Chima get separated? How are you going to meet back up?

I really want this to be success, I want you to get paid, I want you to get your computer, I want you to go back to Ghana with some money to buy things that you need and desire.

Andrew, Chima, you are two very capable men. You need to see this thru to the completion--you've come this far, after all. I believe you are the men that God has delivered to carry out this mission.

-Barry

I also fired off an email from the Reverend to Chima earlier in the day.

Quote:

Brother Chima,

Do you know what is happening here? My car has broken down along the express way and I am being taken somewhere to get a part so that it can be fixed.

This is awful! I pray to God every moment that you and Brother Andrew are safe. I feel so terrible that I was not able to meet him today due to this accident.

I know what you are thinking right now: 'We have gotten Nowhere Man. And it seems that God is Nowhere Man' but be assured that God will provide somehow, someway when we need it most. To make matters worse, my cell phone has lost its charge on the drive. I am now just as stredded as you. Please can you pray for us all as well?

I have finally spoken to someone at the shipping company right before my phone died, I blurted out Andrew's number in a panic several times. I hope they have contacted him.

At my congregation we always pray this prayer for good luck:

The Prayer of the Fellowship of the Ring of the Lord.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name, Thy will be done, Thy kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven. Indeed as it is on all middle earth, with all fair folk, lest the will of evil encompass us. The Eye, lidless, wreathed in flame, may it perish in the cracks of doom. I will follow you my brother, my captain, my king.
Thus spoke Boromir, servant of the Lord
Amen.

Please email me soon. We must make sure that Brother Andrew knows that we are thinking of him, and that he is loved in the eyes of the Lord, even if it that eye is Nowhere Man. He needs our strength.

Rev. Shucks

I then called Andy a few hours later as Barry.
Barry is out on a boat, so there is no way he can get to a MG or WU to help the lads. He is rebuilding the oil rig that caused the BP oil spill. Big job!

The usual snap to Andy's voice was all but gone. He sounds pretty exasperated.

He told me that he doesn't have internet service where he is. I told him that until he gets somewhere where there is internet service I will be emailing Chima, and Chima must report to him. He tells me Chima is back in Lagos tracking the package.
Well, he must be disheartened when he sees the package fly out of Ibadan airport on its way to Abuja.

As we all know, lads lie. Andy hasn't answered my emails for a day or so, so I decided to email him from Wanda...remember Wanda? Good old confused reliable Wanda. Remember there was a problem with the reference number on the MG slip she had sent a few days back? I wanted to see if he would answer her.

Quote:

Dear Sir,

i have given my receipt to a MoneyGram agent, and he said he would take care of everything and fix the problem with the reference number.

i have not heard from you in some time. please email me back promptly so that i know you have received this mail.

i want you to get this money so that i can get my money.

please email me now

wanda

The Reverend gets a text message.

Quote:

Why is this happening to us? Is God not alive?

Unfortunately, the Reverend is stredded somewhere and doesn't have cell service.

By this time it is 2 in the morning, my time, and I'm sleepy, so I hope for the best and go to bed.

But alas! There in my inbox in the morning--3 separate emails! One to Wanda...remember Wanda?

Quote:

Dear Winner,

We expected that you will fix this problem before now than to make such statement, has the problem been fixed or not, why all these long time. We sent you mail yesterday and you are saying you have not heard from us, what do we say when no money was sent or there is an error to receive the payment? Everything depends on you and the moneygram agent, fix the problem and we will act accordingly, we asked you to send your account information and your telephone number but none was adhered to what can we do why the requred information is not available.Fix the problem and let us know.with new scan copy receipt.

Regards,
Andy

Hmmm...ok.

Then this gem comes in to Barry

Quote:

Dear Mr. Barry,
Honestly speaking i don't know how to exress this issue because We came to do this and make sure is successful but the assstance we needed to do this never coem from you or Phil Shucks, at the beginning we requested that you shuld send us a little money to add up with what we have but you refused and asked us to come that everything is ready here for us.
Remember before we set up this journey, Andrw's daughter was admitted for serval days and hge amount of money he spent. Jubril gave us only $200 to encourage us and we accepted everything we heard and came to Lagos arriving before the 48 hours deadline hoing that upon arrival we will have the information to where the consignment is, we never knew it all about take left take right to here go there no direct name of street no office of the so called GPS no direct only to be chasing gps while on motion.
We wrote to you and asked you for financial assistance to enhance this journey but nobody care to mind us, what is in your mind and and Rev Shucks is what we don't know, when we were in Ghana we requested for money you refused we thought that maybe you may be thinking that we will not come and over looked and came, now that you know that cause of the money still you refused, my brother wit every amount of humbleness what can we do when we do not have any money to feed to transport to any located we track the shipment. To pay for a cafe is another thing, why are you people not considerate, all these has put our live in serious danger.
After directing us to Rev. Phil, he asked Andrew to come in the morning and Andrew Arrived Abeokuta by 11.15 AM, called him he said he is coming in the next few hours while i was in Lagos making the tracking supplying information on where the shipment is, My brother what pain me most was that, Andrew call Rev. Shucks and inform him to come that the consignment is within the area there he accepted to come and never showed up, is that not sabotage of effort, Andrew have to sell his Wraist watch in order to secure a place to sleep because that place he never go before since he was born, Since that yesterday Rev, A man of God never call Andrew to know if he is alive or not, yesterday i first saw how a grown man like Andrew was crying like a baby.
The wife call and was crying, the money left for them finished that their land lord have disconnected their eletricity because of the bill. Somebody who is with no mney even food how can he transport himself to the airport, even if he gets there how can he chater a car, well we never knew that we can be brought out to face this kind think.
Please call rev. shuck, to see him immediately, but my brother, in that Abeokuta, even if Rev shucks knows that the mission of Andrew is for him, why can't he look for somebody a person from him church or close associate to go to that place he directed Andrew to wait for him and pick him to where he is tan to ask somebody to come and abandon him as if he is not a human being, even Andrew is a slave should he be treated like that?
We are all in tears, weather we should commit sucide might be the only option. The hotel are still with our belongings, we have lost all remaining to lose our lives.
Mr. Barry, to be honest with you we are blaming nobody but God whom we thought we are doing his work, we are crying every moment and our tears are reaching him, even if you are in the ocean, don't you know our name, in all the whole American, can't you ask your wife or any friend o just walkk to western union or money and send us some money, what $200 could have solved, it will now more than that. what are we doing? no cooperation.
please call rev phil to meet Andrew at 3nd0la Presidential hotel before two hours otherwise we will sell his phone and return to Lagos, Please help us by cooperating in financing so that we can come up with success. Andrew is so worried because of his family, please you people should not kill him, please. call him immediately and let him knw your plan, and please ask rev shucks if he can not go by himself he can send somebody to meet Andrew give him money and encourage him so that we can know what next to do to get the package.
i wait to hear from you, please i have no money again to cheeck mail, you have our telephone number call if there is anything.
my number is +234xxxxxxxxx
Andrew number i know you have it. i hope to hear from you.
Chima.
N/B: ask Rev. to send comebody to cal Andrew if his number is not working.

Wow! Where do you even start dissecting that one! So much good stuff in there!
Note that it is signed by Chima, but it is Andrews mail box. Andy must be having Chima check his mail.

Then this one to The Reverend.

Quote:

Dear Rev,

Please try as much as you can and meet Andrew now he is still waiting for you at Edola presidential hotel around the N.N .P C FILLING STATION ROAD, we had that you are having a problem, you can ask somebdy to call him so that he can take a motor bike and meet you only at the point you at at presnet and not to waiting any where, he is waiting for you please sir please for he sake of his life. his number is 070xxxxxx, thank for savng his life.
Chima.

Poor Andy, stredded there since yesterday! Chima in Lagos! The whole thing falling to pieces! This was supposed to be such an easy job, how did it get so complicated?
But wait! a stroke of luck! Barry fires off an email to Andy:

Quote:

Ok, I have been on the phone all morning with John from GP5 3-Tr4ck. He says he has spoken with you , Andy, yesterday. He is quite involved in our case now.

He says that there is a flight leaving from Abuja to Benin City today. He is willing to put our consignment on that flight. This is a stroke of luck at last!

The package will stay in Benin City until Saturday, when it will leave to Port Harcourt by freight, and then will fly again up to Abuja. We have to get this Benin City delivery.

I have no idea where the reverend is, or what has become of his situation. Frankly, I am getting worried. He has not responded to my emails, and his phone goes straight to message.

Andy, you have to get back down to Lagos and rejoin brother Chima. Do anything you must. Nothing illegal, of course.

-Barry

This is where it stands currently.

I'll update throughout the day!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 09 Mar 2008 Posts: 43

God is Nowhere Man

ROFL!

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:20 pm

OMG, I think I just cracked a rib or something. Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 31 May 2010 Posts: 255

Wow. Just wow! Shocked

I have never heard of lads in such a fucked up situation...

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:38 pm

This is such elegant baiting, you're head and shoulders ahead of any of my baits already, you're a natural - keep it up!

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:22 pm

Fantastic baiting Nowhere Man Very Happy

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:48 pm

Outstanding work, Nowhere Man!

Whiny little creep wrote:

yesterday i first saw how a grown man like Andrew was crying like a baby....

We are all in tears, weather we should commit sucide might be the only option. The hotel are still with our belongings, we have lost all remaining to lose our lives.

What a freakin' Drama Queen! Razz

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 9:05 pm

Looks like Andy made it back to Lagos. Tack those miles onto the miles he'll hopefully be traveling tomorrow, and the poor guy is just plain tired!

He fires off two emails. The first to the Reverend (who is MIA, by the way)

Quote:

Rev Shucks,

I accepted to do this after i browsed the website of the church and know that this work is God's work and because a man of God who is committed to God's work and humanity is in the center of this delivery. All the mails you sent to us before i came to Abeokuta clearly showed and convinced us that you are truly a man of God.

I wondered why the devil was able to stir up bad waters that i was abandon in Abeokuta, Sir after you know very well that i am not from that state, i came from Imo state and your invitation to come to Abeokuta was the first in my entire life, and it happend so why did you refused to meet me after you called me to assist us in the course of the journey to get the package? Yesterday God brought the package very close to us there in Abeokuta, i called you begged on phone to come with your came so that we can go after them,you accepted and later rejected your reason i don't know.
Yu can go to the AYO INN and asked i was there till 7.20 pm before they started asking me many question and i left walk to the place the car stopped me and sell my watch and neckless and booked a hotel called 3nd0la presidential inn till this morning, i asked chima to so what he can do to send you mail and inform you that i am still there waiting for you but to my surprise you never come or even call or even send somebody to me, which means all is a calculated attempt to put me in shame, if really that is what it means, my question is WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU? that i deserve such treatment.

A man that left his sick daughter to travel all the way from Accra to Lagos to do this work for the enhancement of the kingdom of God, is it a crime? you as an agent of God, don't we deserve good treatment? well am back to Lagos and i am waiting to hear from you.

What do we do now?
I hope to hear from you.
Andrew

Ha!

Then one to Barry:

Quote:

Dear Barry,

Thank God am on net, i just came back and have not met chima, we have suffered like never before and remember my family is in a very bad shape, we have sold all we brought to Lagos and my passport i have deposited it o the hotel people so that we can sleep there, tonight am looking for where Chima is and his phone is not working, we are almost finished, If you don't know let tell you that the success and failure of getting this package solely depends on you, i have told you time without number how do we feed, pay internet tracking, make calls pay transportation at this point if we don't have money, is good you confirm that Rev cannot be reached so you are the only person who everything depends o you.

God knows that it's all our heart that we get the package but we cannot do that with you taking the decision to sponsor us, tonight go to western union or money gram send us money so that immediately we pick the money we will proceed to Ibadan airport we will sleep there tomorrow and we will be there until the arrival of the plan from Abuja.

What you have to do again for us is to send us the flight number and anybody we will meet at the airport, this is the last chance.
We are devastated if by tomorrow you don't send money to conclude this i will have no option to sell my shirts and whatever and proceed to my state to look for money and g back to Ghana.

I am honest man and i don't miss my words, i am God fearing person and u put anything that belongs to God first, this is my earnest plan. send us money tonight your time so that we pick it and proceed to Ibadan, we will be there until the flight arrive and we must get hold of the package at last.

Please for the interest of the success of this transaction, do not ask us to meet Rev Shuck for money tomorrow because if you attempt to say so i will never respond to you again until i meet Ahmed Jxbril in Ghana.

Mr. Barry, you still have enough time there with you to do whatever you can do to mak this successful, if you don't have time look for somebody and direct him or her or even your wife to send us money tomorrow to enable us make a money, in a clear terms i am telling this, we have nothing, we have sold all our items we brought from Ghana.

I am resevering this little 10 mins to pick the control number from you tomorrow,
please call me in the night my phone is down until i meet Chima for the phone charger.
Regards,
Andrew.

I haven't called Andy back yet today (work is getting in the way of my Safari) but I will shortly.

I'll also post up some calls that Reverend Shucks made to a frustrated Andy in the lobby of the hotel.

Tonight, they are going to get a little email from a crooked MG agent that Wanda, remember Wanda? had spoken to. He is going to tell them that he is onto them, but will split the money with them. He is going to forward it to somewhere very inconveniently located.

At least, I think that is how it's going to play out. One way or another, I am going to get them over to Benin City.

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 9:16 pm

Quote:

my passport i have deposited it o the hotel people so that we can sleep there

This lad may not be going anywhere but the local lockup. If he had to give the hotel his passport, that makes me think they are concerned he doesn't have enough money to pay the bill.

here · Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:08 pm

NWM

IMHO you are well, well worthy of a 'special' siggy award

on several fronts;
1) terrible lad pain
2) a very special bait
3) a major safari in your early career
4) IMMENSE amusement for us all

in total respect!
BMH

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:53 pm

^^ I agree! NWM, this is brilliant, and I also agree you are a natural!

Quote:

I am honest man

Um, NO. If Andy were an honest man, he wouldn't be up a creek without a paddle. Twisted Evil

fixed quote tags - JC

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:01 pm

Quote:

i will have no option to sell my shirts

Could he mean "Shorts"?

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:34 am

Here are some phone clips of the Reverend and Andy. I honestly don't know how he didn't recognize that we were the same person.

Andrew calls to let me know that he has arrived at the Ayo Inn in Abeokuta. This call comes in at 3:30 a.m., my time.

http://www.4shared.com/audio/T1nRNFu0/Andrew_arrives_in_Abeokuta.html

I call Andy back to let him know that I am having troubles. I make this call at 9:15 a.m, my time. He's clocked in almost 6 hours of waiting time.

http://www.4shared.com/audio/8_XUPy1e/Andrew_waits.html

After this call he texts me this:

Quote:

Sir please call me let me know what next, am very hungry am stranded am dying slowly please sir save my life

This guy is all drama, I swear.

Lets check in with our lads:

Looks like there is a crooked MG agent that wants to get a piece of the money Andy is trying to scam off of Wanda, remember Wanda?
I set up an email like moneygram.agent(and then a bunch of numbers)@gmail.com

Quote:

Some dumb blonde American woman came in to ask me about a problem with her money transfer. She seemed pretty frantic. She showed me some emails from you and described the situation.

I was onto you immediately. I knew the whole thing was a scam. I see it all the time.

But you know what? I don't care. In fact, not only do I not care, I am actually glad she came to me. I can help you. Some of the agents around here do it all the time. We send on the money to the scammers--for a price. What the fuck do I care where the money goes as long as I get a piece of it. That is how it works.

I can get it to you, but I want to keep $200 of the $750

That seems fair.

Get back to me asap.

Eric

We'll see if he bites on that one. I doubt it, but it could be fun if he does.

Back to Barry. Barry sends off an email to Andrew with flight details for the elusive shipment.

Quote:

Andy,

I can't get it anymore detailed than this. This is the exact information I was provided by the folks at GP5 3-Tr4ck.
You go to the fucking baggage claim. Give ANY INFORMATION DESK in the Benin City airport the below flight information and ask them this exact question: 'Where is the baggage claim for this flight?" Don't deviate from that text. Those are 8 simple words I'm sure you can remember. If you can't, write it down. They will tell you where the baggage claim is. ANY INFORMATION DESK CAN TELL YOU!
Of course this package is bigger than your average piece of luggage. Large items, or lost items, go to the offices located RIGHT NEXT TO THE BAGGAGE CLAIM AREA.

There is NO SPECIFIC PERSON YOU ARE TO MEET, OR CALL, OR COUNT ON! John at GP5 3-Tr4ck has made sure there is an invoice on the package WITH YOUR NAME ON IT AND CHIMAS NAME ON IT. You simply say 'I am here to pick up the shipment for Andrew Igbokwe and Chima.'

If you want to open the package and sell one or two of the computers, I DONT FUCKING CARE AT THIS POINT! I would rather sacrifice a couple of computers than not get this package, and have you guys face any more difficulties than you already have. I can simply tell the folks at Dell that they were broken and get replacements. Keep the fucking money from the sale of the computers--I DON'T CARE! But you have to get to Benin City! Reverend Shucks is nowhere to be found. Frankly, I am worried about him. He doesn't answer his calls, he has not responded to email. This is not like him.

This package will be at the airport until Saturday. Then it goes by freight to Port Harcourt, where the next flight takes it back up to Abuja.

Here is the information:

It is Arik Airlines Flight # W3 724

Departure Status Details
Airport: (ABV) Abuja International Airport
City: Abuja, NG
Scheduled: 10:00 AM - Fri Sep 03, 2010

Arrival Status Details
Airport: (BNI) Benin City Airport
City: Benin City, NG
Scheduled: 10:50 AM - Fri Sep 03, 2010

Then I call him. Midnight, his time.
He pleads with me to send him money. I tell him that I am out on a boat and there is no way I can get him any money. He says he has sold his watch and all his belongings. He tells me the hotel has kept his passport. He says something about his wife, about Chima, about their troubles. That they have absolutely no more money to move, and he only has 10 more minutes of internet time at the cafe tommorow, and then he is broke.

One theme that keeps coming up is that he has had to surrender his passport. Chima has been as silent as the grave. I haven't heard a peep from him in days.

We'll see tomorrow if we can squeeze a few more miles out of them.

419Eater is my life Joined: 31 May 2010 Posts: 255

Yes, we fucking remember Wanda!

Wink

Quote:

Yesterday God brought the package very close to us there in Abeokuta

And even the lads worship you now!

bow_down

419Eater is my life Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Posts: 366

Nowhere Man One tattered Saffari hat to you. Great read Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 1:09 pm

Amazing that these lads always go on safari with just enough money to get them there. Thinking that once they get their payoff they will have plenty of money to get back home. Rolling Eyes

Great Safari, Nowhere Man

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