The Diary of a Long Distance ATM Card

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:04 pm

This is the story that led to much discussion about actual ATM cards being sent. It's still stuck at Stansted, which is nice, but I don't know why it's still there.

Anyway, on with the story. Out of the blue on July 18th comes a windfall in the shape of almost one and a half million pounds. That will buy a lot of support stockings for my character who is elderly and can barely make it to the garden gate.

UNITED NATIONS OFFICE
FUNDS RELIEF DEPARTMENT
The sum of 1,450,000.00 GBP has been approved for payout to you by the United Nations Funds Relief Organization, your payment would be made through Barclays Bank UK Master Card Payment Center, and this is in accordance with laid down instruction passed by the United Nations in respect to all over delayed payment, debt re-scheduling and defrauded victims.

Kindly provide the details below for delivery.

1. Valid Delivery Address.
2. Full Names.
3. Phone Number.

Reply to this email address: [email protected]
Telephone: +44.7024065192

Regards,
Dr. Anderson Spencer
Foreign Service Directorate
Contact Email: [email protected]

20 July
Dear Mr Spencer

Thank you for your email but are you sure you have the right person? I can't understand how I might be the recipient of money from the above organisation, although it is true I have been the victim of a massive internet fraud. Please could you double-check and let me know?,

Many thanks,

I get the usual claptrap back with a nod to me about ghastly experiences with fraudsters:

We are in receipt of your email and its content has been well documented for record purpose.

We have gone through details of all your files in our possession and found out that you have been ripped by frausters of your hard earned funds and as such the United Nations Funds Relief Department are now compensating you through this medium to settle for all you have lost.
Your winning cheque has been cleared and cashed at the moment we have had your total won fund of £1,450,000.00 GBP (One Million Four Hundred And Fifty Thousand Great British Pound) credited into a Master Card Account. etc etc yada yada

I'll have some of that thanks very much ...

Dear Dr Spencer,

Many thanks indeed for getting back to me so quickly. I cannot believe it! One and a half million pounds! I suppose that includes compound interest. I am so overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude and so pleased that I can finally put that dreadful period of my life out of my mind for good. You cannot imagine the distress I have been experiencing. You see, I suffer with asthma, and the stress has meant that often I have to be admitted to hospital for emergency treatment. It has been a very difficult time, but now I will look forward to peace of mind. Thank you!

I have copied in everyone that I have heard from so that we all know where we are. As I understand it, I must contact FedEx, as well as confirm the email to me from Barclays Bank. This I am doing in this email.

Here is my full name and address:

Name: xxxxx
Address: xxxxx

Mr Spencer, I am especially grateful to you for dealing with this so quickly. You are indeed a most professional and diligent man and I thank you very kindly.

Please let me know what I should do next.

Oh lookee .. an email from an office of Fedex attached to the United Nations Relief Fund.

Razz

[email protected] mailed by fex-priorityenvelope.com
FedEx Delivery At Its Best: Official Delivery Agent To The United Nations Funds Relief Department.

(bits snipped to avoid boring everyone rigid ...)

Kindly provide the following information so we can identify your parcel and provide with up-to-date information on your parcel delivery requirements and schedule, we are poised at ensuring a timely delivery of your parcel, as such in other for us to provide you with the best of service, you are advised to furnish us with the following information:

Full Names:
Contact Address (where parcel will be delivered):
Country Of Residence:
Preferred Time of Delivery:
Tell(Home):
Tell(Cell):
Tell(Office):
Age:
Occupation:
Amount:

Please ensure the given address is where the intended recipient will be readily available to sign for the parcel at stipulated time of delivery, preferably a residential address and include most convenient time for delivery.

The above listed is required for an expeditious action on the dispatch of your parcel.

I like expeditious action. It makes me feel all fervent. Usually. Anyway ... a quick check back to bond with my lad

Dear Mr Spencer

I have just received an email from FedEx, and they are asking me for a note of the amount I should be expecting. Should I give them the total figure that you gave me, or should I take off the 10% that you mentioned as being interest?

Once I have heard from you I shall reply to the FedEx email.

Many thanks again. I am so excited!

Respectfully yours

... and after I send it I realise I've mixed up my baits! oops ... (Well I was new at the time ..). The good news? He didn't even flinch.

UNITED NATIONS OFFICE
FUNDS RELIEF DEPARTMENT
FOR THE COORDINATION
OF HUMANITARIAN AFFAIR.

Tell: +44 70457 45898, +447024022518, +447024054722

Your email has been received. Be informed that you are not expected to give anyone 10% from your total funds that has been awarded to you. The total funds is yours and as such let the Federal Express Courier Company know the total amount in your Master Card.

We have to act as instructed by the Courier Company and make sure you give them your correct Delivery Address and your Mobile Number so that the delivery Man can contact you as soon as he arrives your Country.
Thanks for your understanding.

You are to keep me fully informed on all developments.

How nice. Duly reassured, our heroine dashes off a note to Fedex at the UN:

Dear Sirs

I am writing to you with respect to the delivery of a MasterCard in the sum of £1,450,000.00 GBP (One Million Four Hundred And Fifty Thousand Great British Pound) which I understand you already know about through Dr Anderson Spencer at the Foreign Service Directorate at the Funds Relief Department at the United Nations.

Here are my personal details as requested:

Full Names: xxxxx
Contact Address (where parcel will be delivered) XXXXX
Country Of Residence: xxxxx
Preferred Time of Delivery: Morning, any day next week.
Tell(Home): To be advised. Currently changing provider. I am very rarely out in the mornings so email is fine.
Tell(Cell): None
Tell(Office): None
Age: 73
Occupation: Retired
Amount: 1,450,000.00 GBP

Many thanks indeed and I hope to hear from you shortly.

Full address (extremely rural ..) but no phone. Will that be a problem? We fervently hope so ..

We are in receipt of your full detailed information and as such we have some issue that has to be completely sent before your parcel can be dispatched to your designated address.

We are an organization that has its working principle and policy and as such we are open to investigation and scrutiny.

We are very much aware of the worth of the Priority Envelope that we are delivering to you and as such we can in no way dispatched your parcel at this point in time until you provide us with the below details:

1) Full details Address:
2) Mobile Number Or Land Line:

The two information above is required by our delivery man, mostly the no 2 of it, because most time that we find it difficult to locate our customer address we call them on phone for self description.

You are by this email advised to act fast to this issue so we can immediately have your Priority Envelope delivered to you within the shortest possible time.

But all is well. Our heroine saves the day ..

Dear Sirs

The address I gave you will be absolutely fine. You see, there is no named road as such, as we are a tiny community here on the east bank of xxxxxxxx and everyone knows everyone else. When you leave xxx and head towards xxx the road simply carries straight through and you can't miss it. The road stops at xxx and becomes a walkers' path.

You come past the xxx (you can't miss that as it is actually by the side of the road and the only one from xxx) you will see a house through the trees on the right and that is mine. If you get to the Goat Insemination Farm you've passed me!

If you get lost you only have to pop into the Hotel and they will point out where to go. It is a matter of three minutes.

That seems to go down well. They breathe a sigh of relief at the Relief Department ..

Attn: Customer,

We are in receipt of your email and its content has been well noted for record purpose.

We shall update you soonest with the status of your parcel and we shall be sending you your parcel tracking number and other required details within the shortest possible time.

... and shortly afterwards comes confirmation that the ATM card is indeed on its way. Complete with tracking number. Can it be true? Can our heroine really be getting her fists on £1.5M ... well a dodgy ATM card, anyway ...

Be informed that we were experiencing difficulties in sending your parcel through United Kingdom, due to the high rate of tax. But at the moment our Regional Headquarters in West Africa Nigeria have been able to dispatch your Priority Envelope through their channel, due to the fact that the Tax Rate was indeed cheaper.

Attached to this email is a scan copy of your Master Card.

Below is your parcel tracking details:

Website Address: www.fedex.com

Tracking Number: 871372188312

Note; You can start tracking your parcel by 12:00 Noon tomorrow Saturday that is when you can start seeing its online status.

You are by this email advised to always track your parcel so you can always know its present status.

What a dog's breakfast ... Laughing

Then there's this, on 25 July (this email seems to be a genuine one from FedEx)

[email protected]
reply-to [email protected]
to
date 25 July 2010 19:49
subject Online FedEx Tracking – 871372188312 (TRACKING NUMBER)
mailed-by fn3nds2.prod.fedex.com

This tracking update has been requested by:
Name: FEDERAL EXPRESS DELIVERY
E-mail: [email protected] (the lad’s fake FedEx address)
Tracking number 871372188312

Ship date Jul 23, 2010
Destination GLASCOW GB
Estimated delivery Jul 26, 2010by 6:00 PM
Service type Priority Envelope

Tracking results as of Jul 25, 2010 1:49 PM CST

Date/Time Location/Activity
Jul 24, 2010 4:42 PM POYLE GB/In transit
Jul 24, 2010 11:33 AM POYLE GB/In transit
Jul 24, 2010 11:33 AM POYLE GB/Int'l shipment release
Jul 24, 2010 11:33 AM POYLE GB/At dest sort facility
Jul 23, 2010 6:39 PM LAGOS NG/In transit
Jul 23, 2010 6:23 PM LAGOS NG/In transit

and then ...

FedEx Delivery At Its Best: Official Delivery Agent To The United Nations Funds Relief Department.

Our Delivery Team as tried to locate your address, days ago but they could not find the right place.

You have failed to provide us with a telephone number that we can contact you with, if the delivery team had your telephone number they would have called you to give them more directions.

At the moment you have to go to any of this Fedex Offices with your tracking details :

(Details of two FedEx offices)

Your parcel has been returned to Paisley, so contact them for the immediate claims

We are glad to be of service to you.

Thank you,

Customer Service.
FedEx Courier And Delivery Services

Time for a SLAPPPPPP

My dear Mr Spencer

Tracking Number 871372188312

I have received confirmation from FedEx that the card is on its way. I was so excited, and was pleased and most grateful that you were kind enough to show me the card itself.

Unfortunately Dr Spencer my excitement was short lived. This card will not be acceptable and I wonder if you could reissue it. Our ATM machines in the United Kingdom are set at a high level of detection to catch any irregularities in the layout and format of the card and the one you have shown me would fail immediately.

I wonder if you could please address this concern. Additionally, I have had an email from FedEx to say that the address is incorrect. I cannot see how this can be if my address was put on the package correctly, and you should therefore contact FedEx to dispute any charges since it is clearly they who have made a mistake. You would expect an international company to make sure their details are correct, but I accept that human error can sometimes creep in. We all make mistakes but we must put them right when we discover them!

I have copied FedEx in on this email so that they can see the problem.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Stuff and nonsense! Our heroine isn't going to take this kind of incompetence lying down. A stiff email heads off to our lad at the UN Fedex lair ..

Dear Sirs

Thank you for your email. I gave very extensive delivery instructions and cannot see how you might have arrived at the conclusion that the address is incorrect. Paisley is some distance away from XXXXX and there is no indication that you have even come near our location.

Would you please confirm to me that you have my full address and the delivery instructions.

If even BT cannot get a landline to us because of the problems of installation and distance, I fail to see why you would query the lack of a telephone number. I am waiting for the installation of satellite as I cannot cope with a mobile phone any longer.

Delivery is never a problem for any other courier or delivery service. The only problem they have is with the condition of the road between here and xxxxx but they deliver cheerfully enough.

and now a restrained note to her man at the UN Relief Fund

Dear Mr Spencer

I am sorry to report that FedEx are quacking on about my address which they say they cannot find, despite the fact that according to their delivery schedule it doesn't appear that they have come anywhere near xxx.

However, the successful delivery of the current card is somewhat academic at the moment, as I need to hear from you about the card itself. There is no point in taking delivery of a card which will not be acceptable to the banking system! I look forward to hearing from you.

He keeps his cool. He maintains his .. oh never mind

Be reliably informed that your Master Card that has been sent to you can be used in any ATM Stand in the United Kingdom, it is acceptable worldwide.

You are therefore advise to go to the nearest FedEx Courier Service and make immediate claims of your Master Card.

Failure to act inline with the above procedures would lead to calling back the Master Card and cancelling your Award. Act fast or we shall be forced to use the wrath of the law to do what is necessary. Shocked

Thanks for your understanding.

You are to keep me fully informed on all developments.

Well really!

Dear Mr Spencer

I would draw your attention to my previous email. Banks here have stringent requirements for ATM cards. I would therefore respectfully ask that a replacement card be issued.

I do not understand why you are threatening me with the law or on what grounds. You are providing an ATM card for to me withdraw funds from a lottery. Your issuing department has made an error on the card. Perhaps I should make use of the law to hold you to your agreement to provide me with an acceptable ATM card, otherwise I shall conclude that your department is intent on defrauding me and keeping the money for yourselves.

Secondly, your issuing department has clearly made an error on the delivery address, as I have confirmed the details. The original ATM card has been nowhere near the address I gave and is in Paisley.

I await your reply.

He retaliates swiftly

Attn: xxx

The organization has spent money for the processing and immediate delivery of your Master Card, but you seem ungreatful.

If you dont go to paisley to collect your parcel and make use of what you have now, i promise you that within the next one week your Master Card Account would be disabled and your Master Card would become void.
No one has demanded a dim from you for postage, now you want us to return the card and send you another card, who will be paying for the expenses.

Do you want the Governing Body of the United Nations Organization to query me, the name you sent that was the name we used in processing your Master Card.

All you need do when you receive your Master Card is to sign behind it and then you can use it in any ATM Stand closest to you in the United Kingdom.

If you dont want it that way then forget about the Master Card and your Awarded sum.

Well that's just not good enough you ill mannered uncouth oaf. Take this and stuff it up your jumper.

Dear Mr Spencer

What is the point of having a card that will not work? I am astonished to see that you are taking a heavy hand with me Mr Spencer and I fail to see the sense in taking delivery for something useless, and I also fail to see why you cannot see the total illogicality of your arguments.

Perhaps you have not seen the card. If you have a look at it you will see that it is an utter dog's breakfast. If I put that into an ATM and try to retrieve money, the card will be retained by the machine and if I then ask for it to be retrieved, serious questions will be asked as to its provenance. Why should I have to go to jail for your issuer's incompetence?

I quite expected to be asked to pay the postage when I received the card, so don't fill my horse trough with pigswill thank you very much.

You should reissue the card, and you should also claim against the issuers of the card for their inexecrable work. A five year old child could have done a better job of it.

This is what you said, Mr Spencer:

"Do you want the Governing Body of the United Nations Organization to query me, the name you sent that was the name we used in processing your Master Card.”

My answer is that I most certainly do. You are in charge of things there and your QC appears to be gravely at fault.

I await your response.

Our heroine dashes off another stiff letter to him. She has called the Fedex office in Paisley (she hasn't) and ...

Dear Mr Spencer

It may interest you to know that there is no package waiting for me at Paisley. Either it was labelled wrongly, which wouldn't surprise me in the least, or there never was any such package.

To be quite honest Mr Spencer, I am appalled by your lack of professionalism and your extremely rude email to me. To think that you were berating me for not being thankful. The absolute bare-faced effrontery in threatening me with the law. You do the United Nations no favours, Mr Spencer.

I expect to receive a replacement and accurate card or I shall be forced to conclude that you have kept the money for yourself.

Then there's a long pause. Not a sniff of a note from anyone. Not even a twitch of a whisker. Then suddenly ..

FedEx Delivery At Its Best: Official Delivery Agent To The United Nations Funds Relief Department.
Attn: XXXXX

Please we would really appreciate it if you can send me any phone number around you that we can call you with as soon as possible.

We await your urgent response.

We are glad to be of service to you.

Thank you,

Customer Service.
FedEx Courier And Delivery Services

Dear Sirs

Thank you for your email. Mr Spencer of the United Nations Relief Fund tells me that he has sent an ATM card to the UK and that it is waiting at Paisley due to an incorrect address.

Unfortunately there are three major flaws in this scenario.

1. The scan he sent me of the card shows that the card is completely useless. Our level of security in the UK is extremely high for ATM cards and if I used this card a) it would be retained, and b) if I tried to reclaim it I would be arrested. I have asked him for a replacement card that is produced in accordance with international banking legislation, and he refuses point blank to do this and has threatened me with legal action for asking.

2. Upon tracking the package I saw that it had been retained at Paisley due to an "incorrect address". You have the correct address, as does Mr Spencer, and I can only conclude that either he or his assistant has labeled the package incorrectly.

3. I called your Paisley offices yesterday and was told that currently no such package exists. I can only imagine that it has been stolen or has been disposed of since the contents are useless, in which case Mr Spencer is at the bottom of this.

My argument is mainly with Mr Spencer as he has behaved atrociously and I am surprised that an employee of the United Nations is allowed to get away with such boorish behaviour.

I am not going to start chasing round the country for a package that appears to have disappeared. Even if I were to take delivery of this phantom package the contents would be completely useless. I have a feeling Mr Spencer has snaffled the money for himself and is pulling a fast one. What do you think?

I await your response.

No answer. Zilch.

Dear Sirs

I would be most grateful for a reply to my last email.

Are you able to throw any light on why there appears to be no package available at Paisley? Surely someone must know where it is - or perhaps that man has an accomplice based at Paisley and has got his hands on it, and is wanting to lure me to the Paisley office in order to shoot me down like a rabid dog. Surely that cannot be right.

I was so willing to cooperate, but that man threatened me with the law for not being willing to accept a delivery of something that is useless! I am absolutely shocked beyond words that someone would treat me like this.

I hope to hear from you.

Tumbleweed. So, five days later ...

Mr Spencer.

I am shocked that you have not had the good grace or the manners to reply to my previous emails. Personally, I blame your parents for not bringing you up properly. They should be thoroughly ashamed of you.

You may be interested to know that I have sent letters to FedEx expressing my suspicions that you have in fact trousered the cash and have led FedEx up and down the garden path in a ridiculous game to persuade me that you sent me an ATM card which in fact was a useless piece of plastic fit only for the garbage bucket, all in an attempt to hoodwink the UN and steal money. You have wasted my time, Mr Spencer, and you have wasted FedEx's time as well, and I can only hope that you will be charged in full for all fees in connection with this ridiculous charade that you've been playing.

I may be old, Mr Spencer, but I am not daft. I suspect that you do not hold high office at all within the United Nations and that you are nothing more than a delivery boy. I have noticed that you call yourself a Doctor. A Doctor of what, I wonder. Goat wrangling? Sweeping floors? Making coffee for the big boys, perchance?

Still nothing. It's time for a stiff note to Barclays Bank who were in on the arrangement ..

Dear Dr Martins Oswen

You wrote to me in mid July, saying the following:

We have gone through details of all your files in our possession and found out that you have been ripped by frausters of your hard earned funds and as such the United Nations Funds Relief Department are now compensating you through this medium to settle for all you have lost.
Your winning cheque has been cleared and cashed at the moment we have had your total won fund of £1,450,000.00 GBP (One Million Four Hundred And Fifty Thousand Great British Pound) credited into a Master Card Account.

Mr Anderson Spencer then took over the correspondence, and claimed that he had sent me an ATM card to my address in Scotland. I had given him the full and correct address details but the delivery was apparently held up in Scotland because of an incorrect address. The scan he sent me of the card was clearly made with a child's printing set, and when I asked him to reissue the card he became quite rude and threatened me with the law.

I phoned FedEx to then discover that there was no such packet waiting for me at Paisley, and I can therefore only conclude that Mr Spencer has trousered the cash himself and is defrauding the United Nations and your firm of a very large sum of money. Incidentally, this man calls himself a Doctor but I suspect he is nothing but a floor sweeper with delusions of grandeur and a tiny you-know-what.

I am simply alerting you to this fraud, Dr Oswen, so that you can keep an eye on this Spencer character and track down the money he has stolen.

An email surges swiftly in from Our Man at Barclays! He's not very good at keeping on top of things.

from [email protected]>
CREDITTING DEPARTMENT.
INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE OFFICE.
BARCLAYS INTERNATIONAL BANK PLC.
Attn
Your email has been received and as such we have contacted the United Nations Funds Relief Department.

They had informed us that your Claims Supervisory Agent in the person of Dr. Anderson Spencer has informed that that there was an error on your Master Card, and your Master Card was not delivered to your designated address.

We have processed a new Master Card for you now, but the United Nations has declined to pay for the delivery of your Priority Envelope.

At the moment we are still waiting for their response, as soon as we get a favourable reply from them we shall not hesitate to update you when we send your Master Card.

Acknowledge the immediate receipt of this email.

Congratulations from all board members of the Barclays International Bank Plc.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Martins Oswen.
Head Of Account Creditting Dept.
International Remittance Office.
Barclays International Bank Plc.

They can't get their story straight can they. It's all over the place.

Dear Dr Oswen

Many thanks for your reply. I have to say I am not the least bit impressed by the behaviour of Mr Spencer. He point blank refused to believe that there was anything wrong with the card and threatened me with the law if I didn't accept delivery of it. Threatened me with the law, Dr Oswen! Now he accepts and admits that there is something wrong with it. Not only that, but he now accepts that he and his team failed to let FedEx know my correct address. Is he completely and utterly insane or simply incompetent? Are you sure you should be letting such a nincompoop deal with such weighty matters as high finance, Dr Oswen? I don't think he should even be let loose on a game of Monopoly let alone be in charge of such matters.

I absolutely refuse to accept that he knows what he is doing and I have no faith whatsoever in his capabilities, and I would be most grateful if I could simply deal with you from now on. Perhaps you will communicate with him and act as our go-between rather than let him carve his usual drivel into the keyboard.

I expect an apology from that dreadful little man and I expect it in writing. I am shocked that such a man is allowed to run amok within the corridors of the United Nations and I am surprised he can even find his way through the front door.

As for the payment of the delivery, it is entirely Mr Anderson's fault that such a sequence of mistakes occurred. Any reputable firm or organisation makes good its mistakes, Dr Oswen, and looks after its clients and customers. I see no reason why Mr Anderson should not pay for the delivery himself out of his own wages, seeing that he insulted me, refused to accept that there was anything wrong with the card despite the fact that he himself is in charge of quality control, completely ruined the delivery details and has not had the decency to own up to his mistakes.

I am shocked, Dr Oswen. Shocked. Incandescent with rage.

And since then .. nothing. Not a dickybird.

I think I was probably too quick to get on my high horse, so he backed off and then lost interest. Then I should have agreed to pay the shipping costs for the second card so I could drive him completely insane with WU modalities. But still. Lessons learned. And I got a couple of dodgy scans.

Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:55 pm

Yes, you were probably too difficult for the lad - he was presumably looking for a nice easy victim!

But I'm glad you published it anyway. Sometimes we talk so much about all our successful baits that it is easy to forget that some don't go as well as we hope. And it's always good to look back and see at what point it 'went wrong' and the lad began to lose interest. It happens to us all.

(Actually, put me anywhere near a Pet Scam and it happens to me almost immediately. And I still haven't learnt what I'm doing wrong!)

Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:04 am

Oh gosh that's why I won't do pet scams. I'd lose it totally.

Yeah, lessons learned and moving on. I agree - I think posting up stuff like this shows people what not to do, which is just as helpful as knowing what to do.

Very Happy

The Diary of a Long Distance ATM Card	View next topic View previous topic