Tales from a DH (Will I Sams edition) *NSFW

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Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 12:50 pm

I wanted to make sure I had this guy on the hook before posting here. he doesn't write all that much and the bait is pretty much for my own amusement, but hey ANY excuse to re-enter the love room. I must stress that this is NOT safe for work:

Will I Sams: Hello katherine how are you doing thanks for reading your mail I will really like to know more about you I will be expecting to read from you soon take good care of yourself and have a lovely weekend hope to read from you soon....

The Ditz My Williams,

Thank you writing back to me, I was pleasantly surprised to hear from you. But please my name is Kathrin NOT Katherine. In my native Germany, Katherine is slang for "Donkey raping shit eater".

I look forward to hearing from you

Mit freundlichen Grüßen in Poppers

Will I Sams: Hello I sent you a mail I haven t heard from you I will like to read from you as soon as possible have a lovely day baby

I get the star trek technobabble generator out: My dear Williams,

I thought I mentioned that I live in Yalbraith, which is reliant on a satellite connection for the internet due to it's remote connection. I will TRY be online but cannot guarantee when because of the nature of Satellite Internet.

To be honest I do not fully understand it myself, but my darling niece Sabrina says it is this. I had her write it down for me as you are not the first person to ask about my internet connection:

She says it is something to do with the HTTP polarity reverser managing multiple HTTP bandwidth inversions. The localized subspace collider connects to the satellite, allowing ISDN density inversions, and thus people can connect to the satellite. However the satellite has to be in a geosychronous orbit for the connection to truly work.

As I said I do not fully understand it, but my niece is studying IT and I am a housewife. I figure she's the expert!

I will write again soon

Kathrin

Seems that explanantion was good enough: hello i have attach my picture to the mail i am sending to you how are you doing do you have an handy i will like to have the number so we can get talking have a lovely and wonderful day expecting to read from you soon williams

I get a pic of a guy who CLEARLY isn't scammerboi

I send him a picture of International chrysis with Nick Nolte: Thank you for your reply. My number here in Yalbraith is 61 2 6197 2745 Which will never work BTW. Feel free to contact me any-time. I have attached a photo of myself in happier times. Looking at it now makes me very sad, I think I might to lie down and have a little cry at my turn of events.

I have been very busy, travelling between Sydney & Yalbraith, divorcing my soon to be ex husband Nick, who has left me for a 19 yo. He and I both want control of the Baier farm, which I hope to sell so I can relocate and begin my life again.

I must go for now, I hope to hear from you soon my dear dear williams

His english seems to be getting worse. I've just remembered that the original IP Address traced back to the UK. By email 3, it had gone back to Nigeria:

Hi hello I got your mail and got your handy saw your picture. Am really impressed got your handy number is it a mobile phone or what who is in the picture with you I will like to read from you soon cheers

Time to up the ante (And the NOT SAFE FOR WORK FACTOR)

My dear Williams,

The man in the picture with me is my soon to be ex husband Nick. as I mentioned, nick has left for a 19 year old. What I didn't mention is that he left me for a 19 year old man!

They want to take over the farm so that Nick can have rough gay sex with other men. The thought of Nick shoving his fat middelaged cock up that young stud's arse, in and out, in and out covered in all that Lube just wants to make me vomit. Does the thought of two men having unprotected gay sex, shoving a big fat cock into another man's mouth make you want to be sick as well???

I'm sorry but the thought you've put into my head has made want to go cry. I will write again when I am less sad. That image you've put into my head and I cannot remove it. In and out, in and out, in and out.

Kathrin

And there you have it, my bait as it stands so far. I will keep you posted.

Chrys

Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 6:24 am

I get my reply (in GERMAN!). The lad seems keen to impress, I had to put into a translator to be able to read it. My German friends WILL have a giggle at least, I did:

es war nichts sag mir, was du getan ganzen Tag verpasst du so viel ich will gerne deine Stimme zu hören heute am Telefon hoffen, Sie bald reden love you baby haben

Which came back from iGoogle as this:

it was nothing, tell me what you do all day you miss so much I will be happy to hear your voice today, hope on the phone, you have to talk soon love you baby

edit to include this: My German friend send this back (I have a mailing list that I write about my shenanigans too, kinda like here):

Honey, he also googled. These are German words, yes. But the wordorder makes no sense at all. He does not know a single German word apart from Arschloch...

Which is perfect, 'cos Arschloch is EXACTLY what I think of him Shocked

Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 7:03 am

I also got this, seems he's doing his homework. He keeps asking about my "handy", which for a middle aged pervert like me had quite a different meaning to what I thought it did. Time to let him know I'm on a "satellite phone". He sends me this:

hello kathrin, how are you doing today i got your mail and i understand what you say do you have a handy? i will like to know more about you your age what are your plans for getting married soon
where do you stay
will you be intrested in having this fun again i will like to know i wil be expecting to read from you soon have a lovely day for me i travel alot and i have fun all round hope to read from you soon i will likie to see more of your picture cheers
williams

I decide, "What the heck?" and while I'm telling him about my phone, why not tear him a new asshole? In an email with the subject header "Do you even read my emails", I send him this:

My dear Williams,

I have to admit that I have read your email in increasing frustration. I have told you more than once my age where I live and my phone number, yet you ask the same questions over and over again. So please, I do not wish to be mean, but if you are not going to read my emails then do not write to me any longer and I will find a man who will read what I tell them.

For the record (and I will NOT repeat this again). My name is , I am a 43 year old German born woman living in Yalbraith, New South Wales, Australia. I am separated, and in the middle of Divorcing my husband Nick. We are both fighting for custody of the Baier Farm and the divorce proceedings are starting to get ugly. I want to sell the farm and move to Sydney, Nick wants to film himself fucking his gay friends.

I have no children (which is biggest regret in life), but my darling niece Sabrina is 19 and has been driving up from Sydney to Yalbraith over the weekends to help me set up my computer (I really don't know anything at all about computers. Sabrina set up this email account. Nick spent a LOT of time on this internet thingy before the Divorce (and now I know what those strange noises Nick used to make late at night were) and I bought a laptop to see what the fuss is all about. I spend a large amount of time driving from Yalbraith to the Divorce Courts in Sydney fighting for control of the farm, otherwise I would be best described as a Housewife. The farm doesn't actually grow anything, I think Nick bought it solely as a status symbol and now that I am here alone it is starting to get out of control. I worry that it might soon become a fire hazard.

My phone number is 61 2 6197 2745, which is both my home phone and mobile, since it is a Satellite phone. I have it because it is the only phone that gets a signal here at the Baier farm. It is small (ish), portable and gets a signal, so please feel free to use that number.

And as for pictures, I will happily send you more photos, including a racy photo from my modelling days, but as they say here in Australia: "Sie zeigen mir Ihr und ich zeige Ihnen Grube"

Let's see what he says to that!!! Wink

Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 7:29 am

If nothing else, he's quick. I get this reply, roughly ten minutes or so after I sent him my email:

am reallyn sorry for making you get angry i had a problem with my mail but i have rectified it now i have your number i will call you now but presently i am not in the state
how was your night hope you sleep well when are you going to be chanced so i wiull come talk to you oin the messanger am so sorry for what i did
so what are you going to be doing today have a lovely day hope to read from you soon
can i ask you something what are your plans for getting settled again .. take good care of yourself bye
williams

Of COURSE it's his fault. And it would have NOTHING to do with the fact that I really ENJOY tearing scamming pieces of crap new assholes (would it?) typing

Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 10:45 am

After a MONTH, I get this back.

hello Kathrin, how are you doing it has been so long i read from you hope all is well i will like to read from you soon .. how are your children doing hope to read from you soon have a lovely day kisses
Williams

Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 3:21 pm

Wary of his sudden re-introduction, I send him this back:

My dear Williams

Since you do not read my emails (I have no children, and it pains me so much that you rub salt into the wound as it were by reminding me of this), I should say that I have found Someone else.

His name is Lucas and he is in Scotland. I will be travelling to Nigeria soon to meet his business partner. You had your chance, if only you'd kept in touch

If he DOES turn out to be part of another bait all well and good. If not, well he HAD his chance (to be baited) Twisted Evil

He responds with this:

hello kathrin i was rreally sorry to ask that from you i am really sorry about that i am still looking forward to loving you and i will like to read from you soon hope you have a lovely day
kisses
williams

What do you think guys should we keep him??? Question

Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 4:11 pm

I think absolutely you should keep him ... for now at least: see how he turns out.

Last December, a two-month short-email Lad dropped my character, when she said she couldn't invite him for Christmas. Three months later, he was back. And now he tries really hard. It's my character who sends him two lines. He writes paragraphs and paragraphs, desperately trying to interest her in him. OK, a couple of those paragraphs are copy and pasted love lines, but the rest is personal. It is like he is trying to find a common ground (guess that's kind of difficult with a middle-aged mother of incestuous children, who only wants to talk about her horse). She thought that he (a young stud, apparently) was 'playing with her' when the bank transfer (for his flight to her) failed. He needs her to try sending that money again. He's moving up into the 'My Favourite Lads' category with all his attempts to win her heart. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 4:20 pm

@ Branwen

I think you're right. Let's see if he can impress me enough to make me "leave" young Lucas

So what the hell!!! I send him this:

My dear Williams,

It would take a lot of work for you to win my heart back and I'm just not certain you are up to the task. Lucas is very special,but I am a bit concerned about his buddy, who to be honest I don't really know all that much about.

But I think you would REALLY need to pay attention to me, as you have failed to do more than once in the past, and it is something I will not tolerate again. To get me away from Lucas, I think you have a major task ahead of you

SO MUCH for vast tomes, I get this underwhelming piece of crap

So I will like to know what I will do to win back your heart where are you presently I will like to know I still care ... Love to read from you soon
Williams

Posted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 12:02 pm

As I mentioned before, am thinking that & MIGHT be one and the same. Will was originally using an IP Addy that links back to the UK, by email 3 it had reverted back to Nigeria.

And JUST when Lucas stops writing (his IP addy SUDDENLY traces back to Nigeria), I get a email from will who is suddenly IP switching again.

Thoughts??? Ideas?

Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 6:17 am

I write this back. Am hoping one lad could get jealous of the other... and meet ! Twisted Evil

My dear Williams

It would take a lot of wooing. Some romance, we women love it, we can never get enough. Lucas treats me like a goddess, and I never tire of it. you would have to do that, my dear Williams and from what I've read you don't have it in you.

I would love for you to prove me wrong though. I have special German pets names for those who are special to me.

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